Tag: Funny Shit

CagePotato PSA: Drinking + Driving + MMA = A Really Bad Idea

Here’s a weird story from the weekend out of Washington that we missed.

According to a story in the Bremerton Patriot, a drunk woman was choked unconscious while driving by a friend of her boyfriend, which would be commendable if he successfully prevented her from committing a DUI. Unfortunately he simply did it to be an asshole.

Apparently the trio had been out drinking and the girlfriend was nominated to drive home as she was the least intoxicated of the group.

Halfway to her boyfriend’s house where the men were staying for the night, the friend, who had been arguing with the driver about how loud and belligerent he was being while she was trying to concentrate on the road and who happened to be a heavyweight MMA fighter from California, thought it would be funny to choke the chick out. Fortunately for the three idiots, she was able to bring the vehicle to a complete stop before blacking out and pissing her pants as a result of the expertly-applied rear naked choke.

Here’s a weird story from the weekend out of Washington that we missed.

According to a story in the Bremerton Patriot, a drunk woman was choked unconscious while driving by a friend of her boyfriend, which would be commendable if he successfully prevented her from committing a DUI. Unfortunately he simply did it to be an asshole.

Apparently the trio had been out drinking and the girlfriend was nominated to drive home as she was the least intoxicated of the group.

Halfway to her boyfriend’s house where the men were staying for the night, the friend, who had been arguing with the driver about how loud and belligerent he was being while she was trying to concentrate on the road and who happened to be a heavyweight MMA fighter from California, thought it would be funny to choke the chick out. Fortunately for the three idiots, she was able to bring the vehicle to a complete stop before blacking out and pissing her pants as a result of the expertly-applied rear naked choke.

The woman, who police say was obviously intoxicated when they interviewed her at a friend’s house where she had gone to change her pissy pants, said that all she remembers is reaching for a knife she keeps in the car for protection with the intention of stabbing her attacker, but says she dropped the blade when she started to lose consciousness and began hitting the steering wheel to signal that she was in distress.

She contends that her choker ignored her tapout and continued to hold the sub until she went limp. Although the name of the fighter hasn’t been released, we have our suspicions who it was.

Anyway, the 33-year-old fighter was booked on second-degree assault charges and the boyfriend was also taken into custody for an outstanding misdemeanor warrant. Both denied the assault took place in spite of a puddle of urine in the drivers seat of the woman’s vehicle, a knife found on the driver’s side floor and her statement about the incident.

The driver was not charged as she was not seen driving by police and it was impossible for them to prove whether or not she was drunk when she was driving, or if she got blitzed at the friend’s house after calling 9-1-1.

How about testing the urine on the seat?

No word as to whether or not the accused will be extradited back to California to face a peer jury, but Joe Son says he’s ready to hear his case.

 

 

Seven Days From Now, Bruce Buffer Will Be Crawling Through Your Television Set

The inaugural UFC on Fox event goes down in less than a week, and to get us amped for the big night, someone out there in them internets whipped up this gem of a video, featuring a mash up of the 2002 remake of The Ring with the greatness that is Bruce Buffer. A man already responsible for showing the world such moves as The Buffer 360 and The Buffer Two-Step, Bruce hasn’t had a challenge to keep him busy lately, and though we would have preferred to hear him introduce some of the undercard fights in Spanish, it seems he’s decided that haunting little children was next in line. And now that you’ve all officially joined The Buffer Hitlist, may we suggest you start bidding your close friends and relatives adieu, because when Bruce strikes, “It’s faster than fuckin’ shit.”

-Danga 

The inaugural UFC on Fox event goes down in less than a week, and to get us amped for the big night, someone out there in them internets whipped up this gem of a video, featuring a mash up of the 2002 remake of The Ring with the greatness that is Bruce Buffer. A man already responsible for showing the world such moves as The Buffer 360 and The Buffer Two-Step, Bruce hasn’t had a challenge to keep him busy lately, and though we would have preferred to hear him introduce some of the undercard fights in Spanish, it seems he’s decided that haunting little children was next in line. And now that you’ve all officially joined The Buffer Hitlist, may we suggest you start bidding your close friends and relatives adieu, because when Bruce strikes, “It’s faster than fuckin’ shit.”

-Danga 

Tank Abbott Continues His Reign of Dominance…We Think


(Wait, so you mean to tell me that we have to fight indoors? In a ring? Like a bunch of pampered women? Props to MiddleEasy for the find. ) 

Fresh off his decision victory over Scott Ferrozzo at ProElite: Birmingham, Tank Abbott was at it again last night, this time taking on fellow UFC pioneer Kimo Leopold in a match that made the ill-fated special rules bout between Ken Shamrock and James Toney seem like a walk in the park. Fortunately taking place inside an actual building this time — the Avalon in Hollywood, California — the bout featured three, one minute rounds, in which the competitors wore both headgear and some cartoon sized boxing gloves.


(Wait, so you mean to tell me that we have to fight indoors? In a ring? Like a bunch of pampered women? Props to MiddleEasy for the find. ) 

Fresh off his decision victory over Scott Ferrozzo at ProElite: Birmingham, Tank Abbott was at it again last night, this time taking on fellow UFC pioneer Kimo Leopold in a match that made the ill-fated special rules bout between Ken Shamrock and James Toney seem like a walk in the park. Fortunately taking place inside an actual building this time — the Avalon in Hollywood, California — the bout featured three, one minute rounds, in which the competitors wore both headgear and some cartoon sized boxing gloves.

But where Tank’s backyard brawl at least had the decency to determine a winner, no such clarity could be provided with last evening’s brawl. Those that were able to stay awake for the “fight”‘s entirety were given no closure as to who won, and likely walked back to their tricked out El Camino’s soaked in Natty Ice and disappointment. But considering that these are the kind of people who willingly paid to see the likes of Coolio, Octomom, Joey Buttafuoco, Tila Tequila, and Jose fucking Canseco square off, all whilst Ron Jeremy strutted his stuff as a ring girl, mind you, it’s hard to imagine that their hopes were ever that high to begin with. Or their IQ’s, for that matter.

As soon as we find video evidence that this blasphemy actually occurred we will be sure to let you know, because this is the kind of hard hitting story that keeps the Potato Nation strong.

-Danga 

UFC 138: The Lost Footage

When we mentioned earlier that Mark Munoz had perhaps jumped the gun when he called out Anderson Silva in his post-fight interview, we had no idea how much the execs at Spike TV agreed with us. Turns out, most of you probably never even knew this had happened, because despite the amount of time Spike had to compose the event following it’s actual occurrence, Munoz’s call out of “The Spider” was cut off before we even had the time to process how ridiculous it was. Perhaps this is one of the many reasons that Dana White & Co. are no longer putting up with Spike TV’s bullshit.

But where the geniuses behind such programs as Manswers, 1000 Ways to Die, and Blue Mountain State *shudder* failed, ZombieProphet and our buddies over at IronForgesIron succeeded.

In the above video, Munoz states that “I’ve paid my dues in this weight class” and that “I consider [Anderson] a friend, but right now I’d love to get a title shot.” Apparently Munoz believes that if threatening the champ’s wife with sexual harassment and calling him a coward doesn’t work, then maybe a little ass kissing will. And at this point, it’s hard telling what you have to do to get a fight with A. Silva.

So what do you guys think? Is Munoz drinking the wrong Kool-Aid or does he have a point here?

Speaking of Munoz, join us after the jump to see how Leben congratulated “The Filipino Wrecking Machine” on his victory:

When we mentioned earlier that Mark Munoz had perhaps jumped the gun when he called out Anderson Silva in his post-fight interview, we had no idea how much the execs at Spike TV agreed with us. Turns out, most of you probably never even knew this had happened, because despite the amount of time Spike had to compose the event following it’s actual occurrence, Munoz’s call out of “The Spider” was cut off before we even had the time to process how ridiculous it was. Perhaps this is one of the many reasons that Dana White & Co. are no longer putting up with Spike TV’s bullshit.

But where the geniuses behind such programs as Manswers, 1000 Ways to Die, and Blue Mountain State *shudder* failed, ZombieProphet and our buddies over at IronForgesIron succeeded.

In the above video, Munoz states that “I’ve paid my dues in this weight class” and that “I consider [Anderson] a friend, but right now I’d love to get a title shot.” Apparently Munoz believes that if threatening the champ’s wife with sexual harassment and calling him a coward doesn’t work, then maybe a little ass kissing will. And at this point, it’s hard telling what you have to do to get a fight with A. Silva.

So what do you guys think? Is Munoz drinking the wrong Kool-Aid or does he have a point here?

Speaking of Munoz, join us after the jump to see how Leben congratulated “The Filipino Wrecking Machine” on his victory:


(Photo via http://twitter.com/#!/mark_munoz) 

Always the cheeky bastard gentleman, Leben left a candy bar and note for Munoz at the front desk of their hotel, which Munoz tweeted last night. For those of you with vision like mine, the note reads:

Thank you! I think we put on a grate show. Congratulations.
8=D Chris Leben

Crippler, you classy son of a bitch. Your ability to warm our hearts almost makes us overlook your grammatical shortcomings and need for a phallic insignia. On a side note, who knew that Cadbury made anything other than creme filled eggs? Looks like I’m off to FAO Schwarz to further investigate this mystery.

-Danga 

Old and Busted: Bully Beatdown, New Hotness: Punk Payback?

By Jason Moles

To paraphrase a bit of legendary cinema, Bas Rutten’s new TV show is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever seen. At no point in the rambling, incoherent episode was El Guapo even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone who tuned in is now dumber for having watched it. I award this show no points, and may God have mercy on Bas’s soul.

Former UFC heavyweight champion turned TV show host, Bas Rutten, has a new show out on Fuel TV titled Punk Payback, which is somewhat odd considering none of the law-breaking punks actually get their comeuppance like they do on Bully Beatdown. So that’s strike one, right there: blatant false advertising.

By Jason Moles

To paraphrase a bit of legendary cinema, Bas Rutten’s new TV show is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever seen. At no point in the rambling, incoherent episode was El Guapo even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone who tuned in is now dumber for having watched it. I award this show no points, and may God have mercy on Bas’s soul.

Former UFC heavyweight champion turned TV show host, Bas Rutten, has a new show out on Fuel TV titled Punk Payback, which is somewhat odd considering none of the law-breaking punks actually get their comeuppance like they do on Bully Beatdown. So that’s strike one, right there: blatant false advertising.

The show starts with hilarious warnings reminiscent of Jackass, but less serious, declaring that everything you are about to see is purely for entertainment purposes only and that the techniques shown are possibly not even recommended by law enforcement. But what the hey, “El Guapo” approves, what have you got to lose?

Bas Rutten reviews surveillance footage of several crimes happening that he feels could have turned out differently had the victim known the proper thing to do. For instance, what should you do if someone tries to carjack you or rob you with a palm tree? Yes, you read that right.

Punk Payback offers little in the way of valuable life skills or entertainment.  It is a combination of Bas’ YouTube videos and Manswers minus the gratuitous cleavage. You’ll get a few chuckles every now and then in addition to an ample dosage of WWE-esque punches, kicks, and of course, palm strikes. Aside from that, there’s not much else.

The only noteworthy bit I got out of the pilot episode is that if I’m ever in a bar fight and need to improvise a weapon, I should break the beer bottle on my opponents head rather than on the table in hopes of creating a stabbing device.

If you’re really, really bored — or stoned — this show may suit you. For the rest of you, well, let’s just say that you’d be better served spending those thirty minutes slamming your head against the wall.

MMA Photo Tribute: Ridiculous Weigh-In Costumes


(Leonard Garcia goes full zombie before his rematch with Chan Sung Jung at UFC Fight Night 24. Props: PlatformNation)

Man, it would have been awesome if we thought of this idea before Halloween. Ah well. Check out the gallery after the jump for 15 classic examples of MMA fighters playing dress-up before hitting the scale. Enjoy.

Man, it would have been awesome if we thought of this idea before Halloween. Ah well. Check out the gallery above for 15 classic examples of MMA fighters playing dress-up before hitting the scale. Enjoy.