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GIF-Ranking the Bevy of Fights to Be Booked Today, August 7th, By Interest Level

(So *that’s* what Amir’s been up to these past few years? That poor, poor man…)

You might not know this, but the UFC needs to book a fight approximately every 3.5 seconds in order to pull off hosting as many cards as it does these days. And with fighters going down to injury every 5-6 seconds, the UFC is all but forced to inflate its already bloated roster (or keep some fighters around way, way too long) with less than experienced fighters to make up the difference. Hence, Royston Wee.

In the past 12 hours, a half dozen or so fights have been booked for just these reasons. Most of them promise to be entertaining affairs. Some of them, not so much. Hence, gifs. Let’s get started.

Chan Sung Jung vs. Akira Corassani — Fight Night Sweden

Although not officially confirmed, it looks like we will finally see “The Korean Zombie” return to the octagon for the first time since being broken to pieces in his four round smash-up with Jose Aldo at UFC 163. According to reports, Jung will face TUF 14 alum and Swedish native Akira Corassani at Fight Night 53 on October 4th.

Corassani has also had a rough go of things lately — back in November, he scored a victory via DQ against Maximo Blanco at the TUF 18 Finale when a blitzkrieg of illegal knees rendered him unable to continue. He was then legally smashed up by Dustin Poirier in the second round of a back-and-forth, “Fight of the Night”-earning effort at the TUF Nations Finale. At the very minimum, someone is going to have something broken in this fight, which makes this ranking obvious:

(So *that’s* what Amir’s been up to these past few years? That poor, poor man…)

In the past 12 hours, a half dozen or so fights have been booked for just these reasons. Most of them promise to be entertaining affairs. Some of them, not so much. Hence, gifs. Let’s get started.

Chan Sung Jung vs. Akira Corassani — Fight Night Sweden

Amir Sadollah vs. Yoshihiro Akiyama — Fight Night Japan

Speaking of long layoffs, Amir Sadollah had probably spent more time nursing injuries over the past…entirety of his UFC career than he has been competing. He hasn’t fought since dropping a decision to Dan Hardy in September of 2012 and has dropped two of his past three overall, but thanks to Kyle Noke going down with an injury of his own, the TUF 7 winner’s return has been bumped up from October 4th (where he was scheduled to face Nico Muskoke) to September 20th at Fight Night 52: Nelson vs. Hunt.

Sadollah will be facing none other than Yoshihiro Akiyama, who himself has not fought since 2012 and has dropped his past 4 fights in a row. This fight should probably not be ranked above Jung vs. Corassani, but it’s my list and I’ll be damned if any of you are going to put a damper my chance to see some sweet Judo throws. Ranking:

Bryan Caraway vs. Raphael Assuncao – Fight Night Halifax

One one hand, both Caraway and Assuncao have been on absolute killing sprees as of late, with the former picking up submission wins in 4 of his last 5 contests and the latter being the last man to defeat current bantamweight champion T.J. Dillashaw. On the other, seeing Caraway’s face on my television screen not only reminds me of what a class-A douche he seems to be at times, but of the fact that win or lose, he gets to come home to this. God damn you, Caraway, you lucky son of a B. Ranking:

Mike Pyle vs. Jordan Mein — Fight Night Tulsa

With Demian Maia injured, Canadian prospect Jordan Mein has agreed to step in on late notice in the co-main event of Fight Night 49 on August 23rd to take on journeyman Mike Pyle. Both guys recently bounced back from TKO losses to Matt Brown in 2013 with a decision win over Hernani Perpétuo and a third round TKO over TJ Waldburger, respectively. While a win won’t exactly place either in line for a title shot, Mein and Pyle are highly entertaining fighters with excellent gas tanks, solid submission skills, and knockout power. Not a bad fight at all, especially for an injury replacement. Ranking:

Ian McCall vs. John Lineker — TBD

According to MMAFighting, the UFC is eyeing a #1 flyweight contender bout between Ian McCall and John Lineker for the end of the year at an event TBD. It will mark quite a turnaround for “Uncle Creepy”, who started his UFC career with a draw and back-to-back losses before stringing together his current two-fight win streak via unanimous decisions over Iliarde Santos and Brad Pickett.

Linker, on the other hand, has scored TKO victories in five of his past six bouts, most recently bouncing back from a defeat to Ali Bagautinov in their #1 contender bout at UFC 169 with a third round TKO over Alptekin Ozkilic in a wild scrap at Fight Night 45. The bout marked just the second occasion Lineker has been able to make weight in his past four contests. Let’s hope he can stay away from the Bis prior to this one, as a fight between these two will likely resemble what its like when I play with toy boats in the bathtub. Ranking:

Gunnar Nelson vs. Rick Story — Fight Night Sweden

The UFC needs a high-ranking Swede for their return to Stockholm at Fight Night 53. Gunnar Nelson is one such Swede, and came out relatively unscathed from his second round submission of Zak Cummings back at Fight Night 46 (where he picked up his second “Performance of the Night” award in the process). And maybe it’s just me, but he seems to possess the kind of charisma capable of carrying/promoting the UFC’s second most stacked Fight Night card since two weekends ago. High praise, I know.

His opponent will be Rick Story, who is fresh off a submission win of his own at Fight Night 45 and is easily the most experienced opponent Nelson has faced in his MMA career. His loss via brain juicing at the hands of Demian Maia also proved that he is in fact capable of being submitted, so either way, this should be a great fight that will tell a lot about the future of both fighters. Ranking:

Frankie Edgar vs. Cub Swanson — Fight Night Sweden

Oh. Fuck. Yes.

While not yet made official, the UFC is apparently targeting Swanson vs. Edgar to headline Fight Night Sweden. The fight was originally being looked at for December, but with the Stockholm card not yet having a main event, this fight would be perfect. Edgar most recently beat up a geriatric cancer patient in a BJ Penn costume at the TUF 19 Finale and Swanson last put an end to Jeremy Stephens‘ featherweight title run via a unanimous decision win at Fight Night 44 back in June.

Here’s the thing: Fight Night Sweden looks like it will be held on Fight Pass. I cannot tell you how enraged I am at the idea of placing a fight this good on a Fight Pass card in Sweden and not a PPV here in the States. It’s a bitchslap to the UFC’s loyal fanbase is what it is, and the combination of rage and excitement makes this a hard one to accurately gif. But when all else fails, The Wire succeeds, so I’ll just go with this one.

–J. Jones

GIF-Ranking the ‘UFC Fight Night 35: Rockhold vs. Philippou’ Main Card Fights By Interest Level

Tomorrow night, the UFC returns to Georgia to deliver an action-packed evening featuring a who’s who of “Who’s that?” with Fight Night 35: Rockhold vs. Philippou. I’m kidding of course, because Fight Night 35 is at least attempting to make up for its lack of name power with a six-fight main card, and you know what they say about quantity over quality (it never fails!).

So as has become tradition with every great (or at least mediocre) fight card, it’s time to rank the Fight Night 35 main card fights according to our — and therefore, your — interest level. Let’s do this!

#6 – Cole Miller vs. Sam Sicilia

The only reason we ranked this fight last is due to the fact that a win won’t do much for either man other than secure their job for another fight. But don’t get us wrong, there’s plenty to watch for in this showdown between TUF alums. Cole Miller has dropped three out of his past five fights, but that didn’t stop him from calling out half the lightweight division (including “Colin Magoober”) after narrowly defeating Andy Ogle at Fight Night: Munoz vs. Machida last October. We expect him to go full heel against Sicilia, who recently saved his career and broke a two-fight skid by tearing through Godofredo Castro like a dingo through a baby at Fight Night 32. This one probably isn’t going the distance.

Speaking of dogs, it had completely slipped my mind that Bjorn Rebney once drove a railroad spike through a dog’s head and now it’s literally all I can think about. Ranking:

#6 – Cole Miller vs. Sam Sicilia

Speaking of dogs, it had completely slipped my mind that Bjorn Rebney once drove a railroad spike through a dog’s head and now it’s literally all I can think about. Ranking:

#5 – Lorenz Larkin vs. Brad Tavares

This fight may have been given co-main event status, but neither Tavares nor Larkin have done much lately to convince me that this fight will be all that exciting. Both guys are relatively solid strikers (although Larkin should hold an advantage on the feet) but Tavares’ current four-fight win streak has come via four straight decisions over relatively low-level competition. Larkin has gone 1-1 since making the transition over to the UFC, dropping a controversial and yawn-inducing decision to Francis Carmont – which are the only kind of Francis Carmont fights, really — before notching a UD over Chris Camozzi in November. I expect Tavares to clinch long and often in this one and attempt to grind out another mostly forgettable decision.

Seriously though, Bjorn drove a spike through a dog’s head. A dog that presumably had no hand (paw) in the feud between Rebney and Seth Ersoff. What the fuck is happening to this world? Ranking:

#4 – John Moraga vs. Dustin Ortiz

Despite the fact that he came up short in his recent title bid against Demetrious Johnson, there’s no denying that John Moraga is a bad man. Matter of fact, he’s probably one of the hardest hitting guys in the flyweight division, and if you don’t believe me, look no further than his finish of Ulysses Gomez. Moraga will be squaring off with a similarly fierce striker in Ortiz, who scored an impressive third round TKO over Jose Maria Tome in his UFC debut. And who knows? If Moraga defeats Ortiz in impressive enough fashion, he’ll probably earn himself another title shot in the ultra-thin flyweight division.

Do you think Bjorn ever wakes up at night in a cold sweat with the image of that dog’s mutilated skull frozen in his mind? And when his wife turns over to comfort him, he just pushes her away and tells her that she doesn’t understand what he has to do, what he’s had to do, to keep food on their plates? Chilling. Ranking:

#3 – T.J Dillashaw vs. Mike Easton

Mike Easton has quickly gone from one of the bantamweight division’s brightest prospects to a guy who could be fighting for his job come tomorrow night. Granted, his previous split decision loss to Brad Pickett took Fight of the Night at UFC on FUEL 9, but Easton has also dropped two straight at 135. Before his loss to Pickett, Easton was similarly upended by Raphael Assuncao, who went on to defeat Dillashaw at Fight Night 29 last October. Prior to that, however, Dillashaw notched three finishes inside four victories, adding credence to the Bang Effect theory posited by Reed Kuhn. Even if this fight goes the distance, it will most likely be a back-and-forth banger contested mostly on the feet.

My beloved family dog, Zeus, passed away recently. Not due to a railroad spike being driven through it’s head, just because of old age. My kid brother has been having a tough time adjusting. I hope Seth Ersoff doesn’t have kids who had to experience such a mentally scarring travesty. Ranking:

#2 – Yoel Romero vs. Derek Brunson

The story of Derek Brunson’s UFC run has been a Tale of Two Cities. After putting on one of the absolutely worst performances of the year in his win over Chris Leben at UFC 155, Brunson rebounded in a big way against Brian Houston, dropping the previously undefeated middleweight with a head kick before finishing him with a rear-naked choke in just 48 seconds at Fight for the Troops 3. Standing across the cage from Brunson will be a dynamic KO artist in Romero, who has all but erased the memory of his embarrassing performance against Rafael Cavalcante with two straight knockouts in the UFC, including a brilliant flying knee KO of Clifford Starks at UFC on FOX 9. If this fight makes it out of the first round, well, it’s not making it out of the first round.

Perhaps the most prominent question running through my mind is: What would Bjorn have done if Ersoff didn’t back down after finding out that his dog had been killed? Drown the children that he may or may not have? Torch his mother’s bed while she was sleeping in it? Or would he just continue to place dead dogs on Ersoff’s doorstep until he finally withdrew the lawsuit? SOMEONE HELP ME UNDERSTAND THIS. Ranking:

#1 – Luke Rockhold vs. Costa Philippou

You gotta feel for Luke Rockhold. The Santa Cruz born-prospect was riding high into his UFC debut on the heels of nine straight wins and two middleweight title defenses under the Strikeforce banner. Then he was matched up against Vitor Belfort for his UFC debut and this happened. By the time Rockhold came to, he had fallen prey to the greatest knockout of 2013. Philippou has also fallen on hard times as of late, seeing his five-fight UFC win streak snapped by Francis Carmont via, you guessed it, an incredibly boring unanimous decision at UFC 165. One would imagine that main event status and a chance to be thrust back into title contention will make for a hell of a fight between these two, hence it’s ranking on the only ranking system that matters.

It scares me to death to think that a sociopathic, dog-murdering lunatic is the CEO of the second biggest MMA organization in the world. I haven’t been able to sleep lately and have adopted four dogs in the past week, yet the void in my soul remains. I have Bjorn Rebney to thank for it. Bjorn Rebney: Dog Murderer. I don’t think I could ever forgive someone for such a thing, especially if that person would eventually be responsible for bringing Tito Ortiz back into the limelight. That’s two strikes, Bjorn, which is probably how many swings of the hammer it took you to drive that railroad spike into that poor canine’s skull. And in my book, there is no third strike. May these dog gifs haunt you for the rest of your days. Ranking:

How would you rank these fights, Nation? And do you think that Bjorn Rebney should be arrested and tried by the Animal Cops for his crimes against dogmanity?

–J. Jones

GIF-Ranking the ‘UFC 168: Weidman vs. Silva II’ Main Card Fights By Interest Level

(Gif of the Year? Gif of the Year.)

You know what the craziest thing about the UFC 168 pay-per-view price hike is? I’m actually going to pay it. That’s how badly I want to Anderson Silva vs. Chris Weidman II, because as amazing a troll as Chael Sonnen was, he never came close to a burning ol’ Andy as bad as Weidman just did in the above gif. There’s just something magical about those two, and the power of the gif for that matter, so we figured, “Why not combine them both into an article?”

Back by popular(ish) demand, it’s time for some GIF-ranking: UFC 168 main card style.

#5 – Jim Miller vs. Fabricio Camoes

No offense to Fabricio Camoes, but who the fuck is Fabricio Camoes and why is he fighting on the biggest main card of the year? Jim Miller may always bring it (and should finish the Brazilian inside three rounds if the bookies are to be believed), but this is a “Fight Night” main card matchup at best. Ranking:

(Gif of the Year? Gif of the Year.)

Back by popular(ish) demand, it’s time for some GIF-ranking: UFC 168 main card style.

#5 – Jim Miller vs. Fabricio Camoes

#4 – Dustin Poirier vs. Diego Brandao

Now this is what I’m talking about — an intriguing matchup between two exciting featherweights with solid hands and sound submission games. Poirier looked great in his unanimous decision victory over Erik Koch at UFC 164, and Brandao once entered into a staring contest with a Largemouth bass and won, so this fight should be a real banger.

…what’s that, you say it was Bill Brasky who won the aforementioned staring contest? Well whatever the case, Brandao is a beast who will be riding a three fight UFC win streak (4-1 overall) into this weekend and looking to set himself up with a top 5 opponent. Let’s just hope his questionable cardio holds up against a guy like Poirier, who has shown that he can at least make it into the fourth round in his 2012 Fight of the Year with Chan Sung Jung. Ranking:

#3 – Ronda Rousey vs. Miesha Tate II

Call me crazy, but aside from proving herself to be the more laid back fighter of the two, Miesha Tate did not do a thing on TUF 18 that led me to believe she stands any better of a chance against Rousey the second time around. Tate looks to be in the best shape of her life, sure, but have you even seen Ronda Rousey (or deez odds) lately? The champ’s got a look in her eyes that would give Dr. Sam Loomis a stress-induced seizure for Christ’s sake. Combine that with her infinitely superior grappling prowess and ever-improving striking and you’ve got yourself a classic mismatch, Taters.

I would rank this rematch higher on the outside possibility that Rousey physically dismembers Tate in the octagon or beats her into retirement, but as long as Steve Mazzagatti isn’t the assigned ref, we’re likely in for another first round armbar for Rousey (not that there’s anything wrong with that). And maybe some blood-licking. Then Rousey can hopefully move onto the *actual* #1 contender she was supposed to fight in the first place. Ranking:

# 2 – Josh Barnett vs. Travis Browne

Without using too much hyperbole, it’s safe to say that you’d have to be in a persistent vegetative state to not be excited for this fight. It’s a battle between two of the most exciting heavyweights out there today, and a matchup that is all but guaranteed to end inside the distance and/or feature Josh Barnett saying something psychotic on the microphone.

After finally making his return to the UFC in August, Barnett made quick work of Frank Mir at UFC 164, KO’ing the former champ with a beautifully placed knee to the cranium in just under two minutes. Browne, on the other hand, is fresh off a come-from-behind KO via front kick of Alistair Overeem at Fight Night: Shogun vs. Sonnen in just over four minutes. While some are predicting that Barnett will look for the takedown early and often, I think these two are going to Rock ‘Em-Sock ‘Em until one of them tips over midway through the second. “The Warmaster” doesn’t seem to think the fight will last long either, and I’m not prepared to call this man a liar. Ranking:

#1 – Anderson Silva vs. Chris Weidman II

Oh, like it was going to be something else? WHAT KIND OF TROLL DO YOU TAKE ME FOR?!

On the real though, Chris Weidman is going to officially end the Anderson Silva era tomorrow night. There, I said it. He will make good on Ray Longo’s promise to “punch a fucking hole” in Silva’s chest, and he will silence the cries of “fluke” once and for all. Unfortunately, his legendary victory will come at the cost of his mentor, as Matt Serra will choke to death on a chilidog ringside while shouting him advice/making fun of Longo’s hair. His last word will be “Fahgeddah.” Silva will then announce his retirement from MMA, destroy Roy Jones Jr. in a boxing match in Brazil, and reemerge in 2024 as the world’s preeminent R&B lip-syncher. These are facts. Ranking:

I don’t know what is happening in this gif, but it makes me sad.

–J. Jones

GIF-Ranking the Avalanche of UFC Fights That Were Booked Today, December 18th, By Interest Level

(“You know what, Steve, I’m not really feeling this fight. Think I’ll just sit out a few plays.” Photo via Getty.)

Fight-booking articles are a dime a dozen. Throw a couple statistics here, a fighter breakdown there, and top it all off with some information about the event and you’ve got yourself a perfectly normal, haiku-length article that you could almost pass off as journalism. And then its back to huffing duster in your grandmother’s basement, desperately and fruitlessly attempting to blind yourself from the hellscape that has become your reality. But at least you don’t have to wear a tie to work! (*laughs, cries into whiskey*)

The point is, there are some matchups you can’t help but elaborate on as a fan of the sport — Woodley vs. Condit, for instance. But there are only so many ways to inform you readers that several lower-level fights have recently been booked on (under)cards you probably won’t even watch, so when all else fails, we resort to the GIF. Let’s get to the fight bookings!

#6 – Brad Scott vs. Claudio Henrique da Silva – Fight Night 37 (March 8, London)

I have no idea who these people are. Ranking:

(“You know what, Steve, I’m not really feeling this fight. Think I’ll just sit out a few plays.” Photo via Getty.)

The point is, there are some matchups you can’t help but elaborate on as a fan of the sport – Woodley vs. Condit, for instance. But there are only so many ways to inform you readers that several lower-level fights have recently been booked on (under)cards you probably won’t even watch, so when all else fails, we resort to the GIF. Let’s get to the fight bookings!

#6 – Brad Scott vs. Claudio Henrique da Silva – Fight Night 37 (March 8, London)

I have no idea who these people are. Ranking:

#5 – Tony Martin vs. Rashid Magomedov – UFC 169 (Feb. 1, NJ)

I have no idea who either of these people are either, but as Chairman of the Russian-U.S.A. Coalition for a Better, More Tolerant Tomorrow (RUSAECBMTT, for short), I am semi-obligated to hype the 15-1 Magomedov. He’s on an eight fight tear and is a solid grappler if the Interwebz are to be believed, but he also hasn’t fought in over a year, so it’ll be interesting to see how he fares against the 8-0 ground wizard Tim Martin, who will also be making his UFC debut. Ranking:

#4 – Neil Magny vs. Gasan Umalatov – UFC 169

It’s do-or-die time for TUF 16‘s Neil Magny, who will enter the cage on February 1st having dropped his last two fights to Sergio Moraes and Seth Baczynski at UFC 163 and Fight for the Troops 3, respectively. Unfortunately for Magny, he’s been matched against another Russian with a solid record and a surname ending in “tov.” Luckily for Magny, “tov” ranks behind “dov,” “bov” and even “nov” in terms of the P4P most devastating last syllable of a surname (LSoS, for short) that can possessed by a Russian…

…what was I talking about again? Boobs? Boobs. Ranking:

#3 – Luke Barnatt vs. Mats Nilsson – Fight Night 37

Luke Barnatt may be on the heels of his biggest career win (a second round submission over Andrew Craig in Fight Night 30′s “Fight of the Night”), but I think the most important thing here is his nickname, “Bigslow.” Does it just mean that Barnatt is both big AND slow, and if so, why did he combine two normal words into one terrible word? Or is his nickname, as I believe, his way of informing the public that he is the bastard son of Kim Winslow and Bigfoot? Think about it, they’re both lanky, white as whipped cream, and “do” MMA. What other evidence do you need?

Anyways, Bigslow is going to savage UFC newcomer Mats Nilsson like the dude stole his Jack Links beef jerky. Ranking:

#2 – Stephen Thompson vs. Robert Whittaker – UFC 170 (Feb. 22, Vegas)

Whether it’s been in victory or defeat, there’s no denying that TUF Smashes winner Robert Whittaker has been entertaining as hell to watch in the octagon. On the heels of a hard fought decision loss to Court McGee at Fight Night 27, Whittaker will be given no easy rebound fight in “Wonderboy” Thomson, who improved to 3-1 in the UFC with a 2nd round TKO of Chris Clements at UFC 165.

A fierce and technical striker with an impeccable kickboxing record, Thompson’s sole loss in the UFC has come at the hands of the resurgent Matt Brown in April of last year. His style is pretty much the antithesis of Whittaker, a brawler who usually looks for the one-punch KO, so Thompson will either continue to do what he do and make short work of the Aussie or wind up on the wrong side of an upset KO. In either case, this is definitely a fight worth watching. Ranking:

#1 – John Lineker vs. Ali Bagautinov – UFC 169

Score another one for the Armchair Matchmaker, which rightfully called for and in turn received a matchup between top flyweight contenders John Lineker and Ali BagautiNOV (told ya). We all know the story with Lineker: 4-1 in the UFC, hits like a truck full of bricks, weighs-in like a truck full of ham, yadda yadda. If he can actually make 125 lbs for once and put away a rising star like Bagautinov, who improved his UFC record to 2-0 with a unanimous decision over the highly-touted Tim Elliot at UFC 167, we could be looking at our next title challenger. In which case, slugfest much?

Speaking of nicknames, “Puncher King” might be the most Russian nickname ever. Ranking:

How would you rank these fights of varying importance? Let us know in the comments section.

–J. Jones

GIF-Ranking the ‘Fight Night 33: Hunt vs. Bigfoot’ Main Card Fights By Interest Level

(Yeah, we had pretty much the same reaction to that picture of Silva’s feet.)

On Wednesday, we took a step back from the bright lights of the UFC to preview some great fights transpiring under the WSOF, Invicta FC, and Cage Warriors banners this weekend. But make no mistake, it doesn’t get any bigger than tonight’s Fight Night 33 main event between Mark Hunt and Antonio Silva. Seriously, these dudes are enormous. I imagine this fight going down like the battle between E. Honda and Zangief in the Street Fighter movie. That’s right, the movie. Show Raul Julia some respect; he died making that piece of shit that I’ve seen no less than 20 times.

Regardless of your stance on Street Fighter, we can all agree that the UFC has dropped a relatively stacked card onto our laps tonight. A six fight main card featuring the likes of Mauricio Rua, James Te Huna, Pat Barry, and crazy cat lady Julie Kedzie is a card worth delving a little deeper into, so we decided to break down each fight and rank them according to our own completely unbiased interest level. Oh yeah, and there will be gifs. Big gifs. Small gifs. Scanners gifs. Enjoy them, then make sure to swing by CagePotato at 9 p.m. EST for our liveblog from down unda’.

#6 – Clint Hester vs. Dylan Andrews

We mean no disrespect to these TUF 17 alums, who have both scored impressive KO victories in recent fights (Andrews is actually 2-0 in the UFC, with his last fight ending in a third round knockout of Papy Abedi). But simply put, one of these fights have to be ranked last, and if you think we’re placing these guys over Pat Barry or Julie Kedzie on our “Must Watch” list, you’re dead wrong, son.

(Yeah, we had pretty much the same reaction to that picture of Silva’s feet.)

Regardless of your stance on Street Fighter, we can all agree that the UFC has dropped a relatively stacked card onto our laps tonight. A six fight main card featuring the likes of Mauricio Rua, James Te Huna, Pat Barry, and crazy cat lady Julie Kedzie is a card worth delving a little deeper into, so we decided to break down each fight and rank them according to our own completely unbiased interest level. Oh yes, there will be gifs. Big gifs. Small gifs. Scanners gifs. Enjoy them, then make sure to swing by CagePotato at 9 p.m. EST for our liveblog from down unda’.

#6 – Clint Hester vs. Dylan Andrews

Whether during their time on the show or in the actual octagon, both Hester and Andrews have proven themselves to be consistently entertaining fighters with above average cardio and serious power in their hands to boot. In fact, the two have only gone the distance 4 times in 33 fights combined, making this fight an early frontrunner for KOTN. Until that KO is overshadowed by at least one of the marquee matchups, that is. Official Ranking:

#5 – Julie Kedzie vs. Beth Correia

How can you not love Julie Kedzie? She’s well-spoken, perpetually pleasant, and more adorable than a thousand kittens in a thousand cups. She does outstanding work as a commentator over at Invicta, and to top it all off, she’s not afraid to kick a bitch in the face when need be (Author’s note: I mean no disrespect, Miesha. That’s just how the saying goes. We good?). Kedzie is the definition of a pioneer and has been throwing down for longer than 90% of her fellow WMMA stars. With her bubbly demeanor and vicious skills hidden just below the surface, Kedzie is essentially the living embodiment of the No Fear logo.

But our love for Kedzie aside, it’s hard to see her sticking around the organization should she lose to UFC newcomer Bethe Correia, a 6-0 Jungle Fight veteran who has scored just one finish in her professional career. Kedzie hasn’t been able to claim victory since 2011 and is currently riding a 3-fight losing streak including a unanimous decision loss to Germaine de Randamie in her UFC debut, so yeah, she could use a win here. But if the weigh-ins were any indication, Kedzie ain’t scurred of Correia’s weak intimidation game (scroll to the 17:30 mark then LOL). Official Ranking:

#4 – Ryan Bader vs. Anthony Perosh

If it were up to just me, this fight would be ranked a bit higher. I like watching old dudes kick ass, which is why the career resurgence of Anthony Perosh had been one of my favorite stories to follow over the past few years. He’s 4-1 in his past 5, and although you probably won’t see it on any “Best of the Year” lists, I will go on record and say that Perosh’s 14-second humbling of Vinny Magalhaes was not only my favorite KO of the year, but possibly my favorite MMA moment of the year. It was a comeuppance right up there with Stevens vs. McKenzie and Aoki vs. Nagashima, and that Perosh was able to do so after being shut down by Ryan Jimmo in just 7 seconds in his previous fight speaks volumes of his character and toughness.

But Ryan Bader has put down more old dudes than Jack Kevorkian. Vladimir Matyushenko? Choked out in 50 seconds. Jason Brilz? KO’d in just over a minute. Ryan Bader treats senior citizens worse than disgruntled retirement home workers, and if the 41 year-old Perosh doesn’t keep his wits about him, he could end up flat on his back like that time he tried to carry the box of Christmas lights into the attic by himself. Any of these old people jokes doing it for you? Official Ranking:

#3 – Pat Barry vs. Soa Palelei

We don’t like to use the phrase “Loser Leaves Town” when Pat Barry is involved, so let’s call this a “Shit or Get Off the Pot” fight for both men.

After spending some six years trying to erase the memory of his horrendous one-off fight at UFC 79 by crushing the likes of Bob Sapp and Sean McCorkle in Australia-based promotions, Palelei was finally granted another shot at UFC 164…and proceeded to put on another Toughman-level fight with Nikita Krylov. Although Palelei would walk away from the fight victorious (and later claim that a rib injury was to blame for his poor performance), there’s no denying that Palelei is on thin ice here. If he is trounced by Barry or fails to impress in victory again, it’ll be back to the minors for this Aussie.

The same can be said for our boy Barry, unfortunately, who has simply never been able to get any momentum going in the octagon. He’s gone win-loss in his past 4 fights and is on the heels of a disappointing first round TKO loss to Shawn Jordan at UFC 161, so look for “HD” to utilize his footwork and speed advantage against the heavy-handed Palelei. If not, he’ll have some splainin’ to do to “Thug” Rose, and brother, that is not a doghouse you want to be in. Official Ranking:

FYI, Ms. Hepburn is saying “Timber,” because Barry is going to chop that vegemite sandwich-eatin’ sumbitch down.

#2 – Mauricio Rua vs. James Te Huna

Speaking of “shit or get off the pot,” Dana White has all but declared this Shogun’s last chance at 205 lbs., offering him the alternatives of either cutting to 185 or retiring should he lose to Te Huna. Personally, I’d rather see Shogun retire without having to risk his life cutting weight, but methinks we’re in for a vintage Rua performance tonight.

Te Huna, on the other hand, is a dynamite-fisted banger (or for short, a “fistbanger”) who presents a mostly one-dimensional but dangerous challenge for Rua. As we’ve seen, Shogun has lost a bit of snap in his punches as of late, and a Shogun without his usual speed and onslaught of leg kicks is a Shogun content to stand in the pocket and trade. This is a terrible strategy to bring against Te Huna. The Australian is not just some swing for the fences, home-run puncher; he is perhaps one of the more technically sound boxers in the light heavyweight division, having set the record for significant strikes landed in a single round against Joey Beltran at UFC on FUEL 4.

All I’m saying is, PRIDE fanboys like myself should start preparing for the possibility of an upset. Official Ranking:

#1 – Mark Hunt vs. Antonio Silva

The attitude of Mark Hunt is equal parts Roger Murtaugh and Sweet Brown, in that he is both getting too old for this shit and truly never had time for this shit to begin with. When Mark Hunt knocks you out, he does not require a referee’s intervention. He simply struts away, leaving your broken down body in a puddle of urine and knowing that you will do nothing to invalidate his decision. Antonio Silva will tell you that he is going to submit Hunt tonight, and maybe he believes that. He is mistaken.

MARK HUNT WILL REPRESENT. YOU WILL WATCH MARK HUNT PUNT ANTONIO SILVA’S HEAD INTO THE STANDS AND RESTORE THE #RALLYFORHUNT MOVEMENT. MARK HUNT KNOWS NO FEAR. BECAUSE PRIDE. #RALLYFORHUNT. AHHH!! AAAAHHHHH!!! Official Ranking:

–J. Jones