If this match was booked in 2007, it would be awesome. Back then, Matyushenko was dominating everybody in his path while competing for the IFL, while Alexander was establishing himself as a dangerous force in the UFC, knocking out Keith Jardine and Alessio Sakara in short order, before suffering his first loss to Thiago Silva.
Six years later, they’re both struggling to remain somewhat relevant. Matyushenko recently bounced out of the UFC after suffering back-to-back first-round losses against Alexander Gustafsson and Ryan Bader, while Houston Alexander has been rebuilding himself in the Nebraska-based Victory Fighting Championship, where he won two fights this year and became the promotion’s light-heavyweight champion last month with a knockout of Chuck Grigsby. Alexander’s post-UFC record is 6-4 with one no-contest.
As a short-notice replacement, Bellator could have done worse than Houston Alexander. But BloodyElbow passes along an alarming trend…
If this match was booked in 2007, it would be awesome. Back then, Matyushenko was dominating everybody in his path while competing for the IFL, while Alexander was establishing himself as a dangerous force in the UFC, knocking out Keith Jardine and Alessio Sakara in short order, before suffering his first loss to Thiago Silva.
Six years later, they’re both struggling to remain somewhat relevant. Matyushenko recently bounced out of the UFC after suffering back-to-back first-round losses against Alexander Gustafsson and Ryan Bader, while Houston Alexander has been rebuilding himself in the Nebraska-based Victory Fighting Championship, where he won two fights this year and became the promotion’s light-heavyweight champion last month with a knockout of Chuck Grigsby. Alexander’s post-UFC record is 6-4 with one no-contest.
As a short-notice replacement, Bellator could have done worse than Houston Alexander. But BloodyElbow passes along an alarming trend…
Instead of talking about the new fight, let’s have a look at the age of Bellator’s recent lightweight and light heavyweight signings:
Quinton Jackson – 35 years old
Tito Ortiz – 38 years old
Houston Alexander – 41 years old
Vladimir Matyushenko – 42 years old
Marcus Davis – 39 years old (will be 40 this week)
John Alessio – 34 years old
By the end of this week Bellator will have recently signed 3 fighters aged at least 40, as well as Rampage and Tito who are headlining their November PPV. John Alessio is the youngest of that group at 34, but he’s been competing since 1998, is winless in his last 3, and is the only fighter in UFC history to sport an 0-5 record with the promotion.
So instead of developing new talent, Bellator is squeezing the last drops of juice out of aging UFC washouts. It’s a new direction for the company, likely spurred by the new corporate overlords at Viacom, who want recognizable names on their broadcasts by any means necessary.
That’s not a bad strategy in theory. I’ve always felt that one of the things holding Bellator back is that so many of its events lack big-name headliners; good luck drawing casual fans when M’Pumbu vs. Vegh is your marquee fight. The problem isn’t that Bellator is picking up the UFC’s leftovers, it’s that the ex-UFC fighters they’re picking up are all carrying the stench of failure. John Alessio is arguably the worst UFC fighter of all time. Houston Alexander couldn’t handle Kimbo Slice. Tito Ortiz should be retired now, not gearing up for a comeback. But now they’ll all be bangin’ on Spike TV, making viewers wonder if they’ve stumbled upon an old episode of UFC Unleashed.
The results will speak for themselves, one way or the other. If Bellator can boost its TV ratings with a bunch of UFC refugees on the roster, then it will all be worth it. Luckily, Bellator 99 will be headlined by a featherweight battle featuring at least one home-grown star in Patricio Freire. His opponent will be Diego Nunes, who was released by the UFC earlier this year. It is what it is.
Sometimes, there’s no shame in being a can crusher. As much as we love watching close fights between our sport’s top fighters, some of our sport’s most entertaining finishes came to fruition because a fighter of reasonable competence was locked in the cage with an utterly hopeless ham-n-egger. There’s nothing wrong with pounding the bejesus out of a hapless jobber every once in a while, which is exactly what Mariusz Pudzianowski, Jan Blachowicz and Dusan Panajotovic did yesterday. Fortunately for us, they filmed it for posterity as well.
At thirty-five years old, “can crusher” is probably the ceiling for five-time World’s Strongest Man Mariusz Pudzianowski’s MMA career. The odds of him ending up in the big leagues outside of his home country are pretty slim- which is perfect, because he seems more than content to smash freaks and nobodies in front of enthusiastic Polish fans. At yesterday’s KSW 20, Pudzianowski faced 4-1 Greek American prospect Christos Piliafas. All of Piliafas’ fights have ended by TKO- four of which in the first round. A technical grappling clinic this would not be, as Pudzianowski scored takedowns and eventually punched out Piliafas 3:48 seconds into round one. Unfortunately, videos of this scrap have quickly been taken off of YouTube. We know, we’re just as heartbroken as you are.
But as a consolation prize, we’re going to offer you KSW Light Heavyweight Champion Jan Blachowicz’s successful title defense against Houston Alexander from the same card. A win over Alexander may not mean too much anymore, yet Blachowicz never appeared in trouble throughout the fight. Unfortunately, save for an armbar at the end of round one and a triangle choke at the end of round two, neither did Alexander. Okay, so it’s a pretty lousy consolation prize. Whaddayagonnado?
*sigh*
Sometimes, there’s no shame in being a can crusher. As much as we love watching close fights between our sport’s top fighters, some of our sport’s most entertaining finishes came to fruition because a fighter of reasonable competence was locked in the cage with an utterly hopeless ham-n-egger. There’s nothing wrong with pounding the bejesus out of a hapless jobber every once in a while, which is exactly what Mariusz Pudzianowski, Jan Blachowicz and Dusan Panajotovic did yesterday. Fortunately for us, they filmed it for posterity as well.
At thirty-five years old, “can crusher” is probably the ceiling for five-time World’s Strongest Man Mariusz Pudzianowski’s MMA career. The odds of him ending up in the big leagues outside of his home country are pretty slim- which is perfect, because he seems more than content to smash freaks and nobodies in front of enthusiastic Polish fans. At yesterday’s KSW 20, Pudzianowski faced 4-1 Greek American prospect Christos Piliafas. All of Piliafas’ fights have ended by TKO- four of which in the first round. A technical grappling clinic this would not be, as Pudzianowski scored takedowns and eventually punched out Piliafas 3:48 seconds into round one. Unfortunately, videos of this scrap have quickly been taken off of YouTube. We know, we’re just as heartbroken as you are.
But as a consolation prize, we’re going to offer you KSW Light Heavyweight Champion Jan Blachowicz’s successful title defense against Houston Alexander from the same card. A win over Alexander may not mean too much anymore, yet Blachowicz never appeared in trouble throughout the fight. Unfortunately, save for an armbar at the end of round one and a triangle choke at the end of round two, neither did Alexander. Okay, so it’s a pretty lousy consolation prize. Whaddayagonnado?
One final note: Bob Sapp apparently retired after his most recent humiliating defeat, and quickly unretired to fight Dusan Panajotovic before anyone could actually enjoy him not being around. Despite the professionalism that Ultimate Fight Serbia tries to convey- and by the way, I can’t help but feel like I’ve seen their logo before – they booked Bob Sapp to fight and got exactly what they paid for. They got a YouTube hype video that looked like this:
It should come as no surprise then that we’ve seen our share of professional fighters attempting honest-to-God professional wrestling moves in real fights. We know, we know: We’re totally not supposed to be trying this stuff at home. But fortunately for us, the following brave men have ignored the countless warnings, the advice of their trainers and their own common sense to provide us with the most entertainingly reckless ways to injure their fellow men.
But before we break out the face paint and spandex, let’s establish how I’ll be ranking such absurd maneuvers. The moves will be ranked based on their immediate effectiveness, how true to form they stay to their kayfabe counterparts, and the competence of their opponents. Let’s face it: Even if you do something insanely cool and difficult from professional wrestling in an MMA fight, if you then get knocked out, you still look like a chump. Let’s also acknowledge that a punch to a downed opponent has no business being called The Worm without the accompanying theatrics. Finally, it’s a lot easier to pull off a complex move in a fight when your opponent totally sucks at fighting. Those are my rules, and if you’re not down with that, I got two words for ya: LET’S BEGIN!
It should come as no surprise then that we’ve seen our share of professional fighters attempting honest-to-God professional wrestling moves in real fights. We know, we know: We’re totally not supposed to be trying this stuff at home. But fortunately for us, the following brave men have ignored the countless warnings, the advice of their trainers and their own common sense to provide us with the most entertainingly reckless ways to injure their fellow men.
But before we break out the face paint and spandex, let’s establish how I’ll be ranking such absurd maneuvers. The moves will be ranked based on their immediate effectiveness, how true to form they stay to their kayfabe counterparts, and the competence of their opponents. Let’s face it: Even if you do something insanely cool and difficult from professional wrestling in an MMA fight, if you then get knocked out, you still look like a chump. Let’s also acknowledge that a punch to a downed opponent has no business being called The Worm without the accompanying theatrics. Finally, it’s a lot easier to pull off a complex move in a fight when your opponent totally sucks at fighting. Those are my rules, and if you’re not down with that, I got two words for ya: LET’S BEGIN!
14.) Bob Sapp Piledrives Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira at PRIDE Shockwave, 8/28/2002.
For those of you who are new here, believe it or not Bob Sapp used to actually try during his fights. After crushing two straight foes while looking absolutely terrifying in the process, ”The Beast” found himself across the ring from PRIDE heavyweight champion Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira. Right from the start, Big Nog shoots for a takedown and immediately gets caught between Sapp’s monstrous legs. What follows is one of both men’s most iconic moments: Sapp pulls Nogueira up and piledrives him straight to the canvas.
Either that piledriver wasn’t nearly as effective as it looked, or it was far too effective and had zombified Big Nog, because Nogueira refused to stay down afterwards. Well damn, dropping the guy straight on his neck didn’t work. Now what? If you’re Bob Sapp, you respond by unsuccessfully attempting more piledrivers while your Brazilian foe mounts what I’m on record calling the greatest comeback in MMA history, eventually securing a fight ending armbar.
While this fight established Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira as a bonafide badass, it also proved once and for all that one should bring a more diverse strategy into a bout against a top heavyweight fighter than “repeatedly attempt to break his neck with a professional wrestling move.” Attempting to break his shoulder with a jiu-jitsu hold, however…
13.) Charles “Krazy Horse” Bennett Uses the Airplane Spin Against Anthony McDavitt at King of the Cage: Legends, 6/6/2009.
Let’s pretend you’re a cocky journeyman with nothing resembling a ground game. Some punk tries to lock in an armbar against you, not realizing that you are Krazy with a capital K. How do you handle this?
If you answered “spin him around like I’m a coked up 80′s wrestler and slam him head first into the cage on my way to a split-decision loss,” then accept my condolences: you and Bennett have the exact same problem solving skills. I’d advise you to stay in school and keep away from drugs, but apparently that’s what got you in this mess in the first place. So drop out and do a lot of meth, I guess.
12.) Houston Alexander Chokeslams Thiago Silva at UFC 78, 11/17/2007.
(The slam comes at the 1:23 mark.)
When then-feared knockout artist Houston “The Assassin” Alexander (Ah, how nostalgic that felt to type) found himself across the cage from Thiago Silva, he knew he’d have to break out something extra special to keep the suspiciously burly Brazilian down. Taking a cue from the giants of professional wrestling that came before him, Alexander decided that the easiest way to knock out Silva was to use a straight-up chokeslam on him.
Unfortunately for Alexander, it turns out that them pro wrasslers is lyin’ to us: A chokeslam is no more devastating than any other takedown. Especially when you’re a fish out of water on the ground and your opponent is a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu black belt. Alexander would go on to get knocked out in the first round by Silva, end up on the wrong end of what was then the UFC’s fastest knockout, get choked out by Eric Schafer and released from the UFC, brought back to job to Kimbo Slice and has currently lost two straight fights by way of vicious knockout. But other than that, his life is just wonderful.
11.) Mark Hunt Leg Drops Wanderlei Silva at PRIDE Shockwave 2004, 12/31/2004.
(Leg drop comes around 6:45)
It’s no secret that Mark Hunt was as one-dimensional as they came when he first started competing in MMA. When the Samoan kickboxer found himself staring at a grounded Wanderlei Silva, he wisely decided that a grappling match was not in his best interest. Rather, Mark Hunt figured that attempting a giant leg drop was his best option in this situation. Hey, it worked for Hulk Hogan, right?
Even though Hunt would have only connected with Silva’s stomach if it landed cleanly, and ended up with a pissed off Axe Murderer in his guard, it technically still worked: Super Samoan walked away with a split-decision victory that night.
10.) Ikuhisa Minowa Dropkicks Butterbean at PRIDE Bushido 12, 8/26/2006
For those who have never seen “Minowaman” fight, allow me to break down a typical fight of his for you in four easy steps:
Step One: Sign up to fight someone who is more than twice your size yet only half as skilled. Step Two: Do something weird to train, like ask your sparring partners to sit on each others’ shoulders while poking at you with sticks. Step Three: Attempt a professional wrestling move at some point during your fight. Step Four: Either submit your oversized grappling dummy, or get beaten to a pulp by the much larger foe.
Any questions?
9.) Jon Jones Suplexes Stephan Bonnar at UFC 94, 1/31/2009 + 8.) Jon Jones Suplexes Brad Bernard at Full Force Productions: Untamed 20, 4/12/2008.
Yes, nerds: I’m well aware that suplexes are legitimate wrestling takedowns. Well la-dee-frickin’-da. Let me guess, you also call rappers by their real names instead of their stage names, complain about the “unrealistic” parts of science fiction movies and just can’t enjoy a hilarious YouTube video because of all the bad grammar in the comments section.
Now, if you’re looking for an MMA bout that will more than likely produce a German suplex that would make Chris Benoit blush, put the arrogant hotshot who would go on to be the youngest champion in UFC history (and arguably the greatest American MMA fighter in the brief history of our sport) in the cage with an aging veteran and let nature take its course. If you’re looking for one that is practically guaranteed to produce a wild double underhook suplex, lock said hotshot in the cage with an unathletic looking self-described “bar room brawler” who is 0-2 in cage fights and keep a camera on them at all times.
7.) Jonathan Ivey Uses The People’s Elbow on Some Fatty (Event and Date Unknown)
I have no idea who the tubby in the yellow trunks is that’s doing his best Bob Sapp impression. I have no idea what event this went down at, or even what year this fight took place during. What I do know is that the fighter in black trunks is none other than heavyweight journeyman Jonathan Ivey, who upon seeing that for once he’s actually the guy doing the damage, decides to use The People’s Elbow against that disgusting fatbody.
Technically, you’re right: I have no idea if Jonathan Ivey actually won this fight, so it shouldn’t really be this high up on the list. But come on, once you allow someone to use The People’s Elbow on you in a real fight – most of the theatrics included – you automatically lose. In a just world (i.e. my mind), the referee watched Ivey dance his way into The People’s Elbow and immediately stopped the contest. Ivey celebrated, while chunky decided to retire from the sport, grow a killer mustache, adopt a beagle and never speak of his career as one of them Vale Tudo fellers again.
Hit that “next page” link for another example of PRIDE being awesome, a throwback clip of the WEC imitating WCW, and the perfect way to finish an opponent…
Whenever I am involved in a discussion regarding crime and punishment, I am often dubbed a “sociopathic”, a “loony”, or a “stay the fuck away from me and my family” kind of guy as a result of my extreme view on how people should be disciplined. Society is overpopulated and ever-increasing, so it is my belief that we should take everyone from the convicted pedophiles and murders of the world down to the sue happy whackjobs, load them into a jumbo jet, and crash it into a mountain. Those whom I have these conversations with often retort that I should have more faith in humanity, that people are inherently good and are capable of change.
And then a story like this surfaces and drags them deeper into the murky cesspool of human existence in which my faith currently lies.
Today’s story comes to us out of St. Louis, where a local woman recently released an abhorring video on Facebook (a.k.a society’s douche) in which she not only prods her infant daughter into fighting another local girl, but gives her a few pointers while she carries out the despicable act. Unfortunately, no charges have been filed at this point, so the woman’s name has yet to be released, likely out of fear that her neighbors would tie her to a fence post and take turns kicking her in the vagina with steel-toed boots in order to ensure that she never reproduces again, as they so rightfully should.
Video after the jump.
(This pretty much says it all.)
Whenever I am involved in a discussion regarding crime and punishment, I am often dubbed a “sociopathic”, a “loony”, or a “stay the fuck away from me and my family” kind of guy as a result of my extreme view on how people should be disciplined. Society is overpopulated and ever-increasing, so it is my belief that we should take everyone from the convicted pedophiles and murders of the world down to the sue happy whackjobs, load them into a jumbo jet, and crash it into a mountain. Those whom I have these conversations with often retort that I should have more faith in humanity, that people are inherently good and are capable of change.
And then a story like this surfaces and drags them deeper into the murky cesspool of human existence in which my faith currently lies.
Today’s story comes to us out of St. Louis, where a local woman recently released an abhorring video on Facebook (a.k.a society’s douche) in which she not only prods her infant daughter into fighting another local girl, but gives her a few pointers while she carries out the despicable act. Unfortunately, no charges have been filed at this point, so the woman’s name has yet to be released, likely out of fear that her neighbors would tie her to a fence post and take turns kicking her in the vagina with steel-toed boots in order to ensure that she never reproduces again, as they so rightfully should.
After Harry Carry gives us a brief, Goldbergian bit of background info on the two participants headlining TFC’s (Toddler Fighting Championships) inaugural event, we are all set for action. In the blue corner, sporting the white shirt and polka dot trunks, is Angie “The Bruiser” Baker, an undefeated prospect fighting out of Team Clairday who has collected all of her 7 victories by first round stoppage via opponent bursting into tears or wanting their bottle. And in the red corner, sporting the pink trunks, is our unnamed champion. As you can see, the octagon they are fighting in looks more like a run down apartment room, and the presence of a referee is noticeably absent, but HERE WE GO!
Round 1: At the insistence of her corner mother, our champion stuffs a takedown and responds with some overhand palm strikes ala Bas Rutten. Baker responds with a few overhand rights of her own before being bull rushed into the cage wall by the champ. A little bit of clinch work (along with a pause to cry) stalls the action for a bit, and the fans are getting restless. The mother cries out for her daughter to “Ball up some fists!” like some kind of sadomasochistic dog fighter, but gets the proper response from the champ, who drops Baker and unleashes some brutal, not to mention totally illegal, ground-n-pound. AND IT IS ALL OVER!!
Da Champ def. Angie Brown by first round TTKO (technical toddler knockout) at 1:15 of round 1.
Potato Nation, you now have the slightest idea of what Chael Sonnen’s upbringing was like. And as was the case for the Oregonian Gangster, this girl’s mother will be by her side, cheering her on until she can fight no more Social Services take her away next week.
In all seriousness, the television studio who first received the video immediately informed Social Services, who have yet to comment on the possibility of bringing action against this candidate for Mother of the Year. But if we could make a suggestion, it would be to string this woman up by her toes and have all of the local children treat her like a human pinata until she ceases to breathe. Seriously, if Houston Alexander can be arrested for challenging his son to a boxing match, how has this woman not been thrown into the worst prison that St. Louis has to offer for the rest of her natural life?!
It sickens us to know that someone would do this to their own child, especially considering the child’s almost non-existent age in this case. We would urge you to pursue legal action (or preferably Charles Bronson style vigilantism) against this vile creature of a woman, but it appears that Super Fight League has already filed a lawsuit against her for poaching clients and stealing potential viewers from their Youtube audience.
We may be in the midst of a Zuffa drought, but that doesn’t mean we must thirst for knockouts. Last night Resurrection Fighting Alliance hooked up with Sherdog to bring you a live stream of their second card, which featured a pair of heavy hitters and a pioneer of the sport. Jens Pulver also returned to action for the promotion, though thankfully it was in the announcer’s booth this time.
The evening’s main event promised brain damage, and it lived up to our expectations. Houston Alexander displayed the one-strike power that launched his UFC-career, stammering Gilbert Yvel with an overhand right before knocking him down with a leg kick all in the opening thirty seconds of the bout. Yvel looked reserved in his second bout as a light-heavyweight, though against a brawler like Alexander pretty much everyone looks passive. “The Hurricane” started to open up in the latter half of the first round, and with just over a minute remaining on the clock he connected with a left hook that rocked Alexander followed by a big right hand that dropped him face first to the canvas–time to update our planking homage. That’s two straight wins for the recently re-invented 205’er and the second consecutive knockout loss for “The Assassin”.
Join us after the jump for videos and recaps of the Maurice Smith-Jorge Cordoba and Tara LaRosa-Kelly Warren bouts.
Yvel vs Alexander (spoiler: no flying triangles)
We may be in the midst of a Zuffa drought, but that doesn’t mean we must thirst for knockouts. Last night Resurrection Fighting Alliance hooked up with Sherdog to bring you a live stream of their second card, which featured a pair of heavy hitters and a pioneer of the sport. Jens Pulver also returned to action for the promotion, though thankfully it was in the announcer’s booth this time.
The evening’s main event promised brain damage, and it lived up to our expectations. Houston Alexander displayed the one-strike power that launched his UFC-career, stammering Gilbert Yvel with an overhand right before knocking him down with a leg kick all in the opening thirty seconds of the bout. Yvel looked reserved in his second bout as a light-heavyweight, though against a brawler like Alexander pretty much everyone looks passive. “The Hurricane” started to open up in the latter half of the first round, and with just over a minute remaining on the clock he connected with a left hook that rocked Alexander followed by a big right hand that dropped him face first to the canvas–time to update our planking homage. That’s two straight wins for the recently re-invented 205′er and the second consecutive knockout loss for “The Assassin”.
Smith-Cordoba bout. The beginning of the end starts at 15:50.
In a battle against father time, fifty year old Maurice Smith climbed back into the cage for the first time in four years to take on Jorge Cordoba. Though the the twenty eight year old had youth on his side, he was reportedly fighting outside of his normal weight class for this bout. The former UFC Heavyweight champ used footwork and head movement to avoid the Cordoba’s lunging haymakers early in the round, and rolled through a takedown attempt to end the frame on top and in control. Smith showed the sort of calm composure that other Mo’s could learn from, easily avoiding Cordoba’s frenzied punches while bloodying his face and punishing his left thigh with kicks. Smith, who was making his light heavyweight debut, landed everything he threw, which unfortunately for Cordoba included a right high kick to the chin that crumpled him to the mat.
And in WMMA action, Tara LaRosa scored an armbar victory over Kelly Warren at 4:59 of the third and final round!(!!!) Man, last second finishes, they’re so hot right now.
(Admire it, Potato Nation. Admire it like a beautiful April morning.)
Alexander will be taking on fellow UFC washout Gilbert Yvel, who made the drop to light heavyweight in his last bout and scored a first round submission via strikes win over Damian Dantibo. The victory was his first since dropping three straight to Junior Dos Santos, Ben Rothwell, and John Madsen in his short lived UFC run. We managed to find a video of the fight and added it below. Warning: turn down your speakers.
(Admire it, Potato Nation. Admire it like a beautiful April morning.)
Alexander will be taking on fellow UFC washout Gilbert Yvel, who made the drop to light heavyweight in his last bout and scored a first round submission via strikes win over Damian Dantibo. The victory was his first since dropping three straight to Junior Dos Santos, Ben Rothwell, and John Madsen in his short lived UFC run. We managed to find a video of the fight and added it below. Warning: turn down your speakers.
*Checks ear piece* I am being told that the above video is not from Gilbert Yvel’s most recent fight, but is in fact a video of a 2004 fight in which he KO’d a referee. My apologies. HERE is Yvel’s light heavyweight debut.
In retrospect, those two videos were actually quite similar.
Perhaps we’re in the minority here, but we are really looking forward to this one, if only because it is the kind of fight that has a 90% chance of ending via uber violent KO. Who you got for this one, Potato Nation?
