(Warning: Shrill audio and excessive fat-guy ass-crack. Props: Andbabcock via Reddit_MMA)
We usually don’t give sumo wrestling much attention on this site — look, if I wanted to see two fat guys try to push each other out of the way, I’d go to a Golden Corral five minutes before closing time — but this was too incredible not to post. The above video was taken yesterday at the US Sumo Open in Los Angeles, where Mongolian beast Byamba Ulambayar took on Kelly “Man of Fat Steel” Gneiting, a 400+ pound sumo, swimmer, and marathon runner. Gneiting’s athletic accomplishments are stunning for a man of his girth, but on this particular Sunday he was tossed like a disobedient puppy. The moment of impact produces a shockwave through the earth, visibly rattling the camera, and it is absolutely wonderful. Enjoy.
(Warning: Shrill audio and excessive fat-guy ass-crack. Props: Andbabcock via Reddit_MMA)
We usually don’t give sumo wrestling much attention on this site — look, if I wanted to see two fat guys try to push each other out of the way, I’d go to a Golden Corral five minutes before closing time — but this was too incredible not to post. The above video was taken yesterday at the US Sumo Open in Los Angeles, where Mongolian beast Byamba Ulambayar took on Kelly “Man of Fat Steel” Gneiting, a 400+ pound sumo, swimmer, and marathon runner. Gneiting’s athletic accomplishments are stunning for a man of his girth, but on this particular Sunday he was tossed like a disobedient puppy. The moment of impact produces a shockwave through the earth, visibly rattling the camera, and it is absolutely wonderful. Enjoy.
The fact that we saw double KO’s twice already in March — this clean double-dinger and this epic stumble-fest — is a statistical anomaly on par with Wanderlei Silva winning by choke. And bizarrely enough, it almost happened again in a fight between Kerwin Sherrill and Derek Thompson at MCF6 in North Platte, Nebraska, on Saturday. This time, it seemed like the referee’s utter shock is the only thing that prevented him from stopping the fight an immediate no-contest/draw/whatever it is that happens when two guys dummy each other up at the same time.
Thompson went on to win the match, and likely claimed that he was “never really that hurt” in his post-fight interview.
The fact that we saw double KO’s twice already in March — this clean double-dinger and this epic stumble-fest — is a statistical anomaly on par with Wanderlei Silva winning by choke. And bizarrely enough, it almost happened again in a fight between Kerwin Sherrill and Derek Thompson at MCF6 in North Platte, Nebraska, on Saturday. This time, it seemed like the referee’s utter shock is the only thing that prevented him from stopping the fight an immediate no-contest/draw/whatever it is that happens when two guys dummy each other up at the same time.
Thompson went on to win the match, and likely claimed that he was “never really that hurt” in his post-fight interview.
(Don’t try this at home, kids. / Props: Peezy P via Deadspin)
Among pro-wrestling moves, aerial techniques are about as high-risk/high-reward as they come. Brock Lesnar nearly ended his career fucking up a shooting-star press at Wrestlemania XIX, and at a Beyond Wrestling show in Rhode Island on September 30th, Atlanta-based wrestler Charade botched one even worse, under-rotating during a moonsault and landing directly on the top of his head. The horrific impact fractured Charade’s skull, and immediately silenced the meager crowd. But Charade — working off of pure muscle memory — remained conscious and actually kicked out his opponent’s first attempt at a pin before letting the match come to a merciful conclusion.
(Don’t try this at home, kids. / Props: Peezy P via Deadspin)
Among pro-wrestling moves, aerial techniques are about as high-risk/high-reward as they come. Brock Lesnar nearly ended his career fucking up a shooting-star press at Wrestlemania XIX, and at a Beyond Wrestling show in Rhode Island on September 30th, Atlanta-based wrestler Charade botched one even worse, under-rotating during a moonsault and landing directly on the top of his head. The horrific impact fractured Charade’s skull, and immediately silenced the meager crowd. But Charade — working off of pure muscle memory — remained conscious and actually kicked out his opponent’s first attempt at a pin before letting the match come to a merciful conclusion.
Whenever I am involved in a discussion regarding crime and punishment, I am often dubbed a “sociopathic”, a “loony”, or a “stay the fuck away from me and my family” kind of guy as a result of my extreme view on how people should be disciplined. Society is overpopulated and ever-increasing, so it is my belief that we should take everyone from the convicted pedophiles and murders of the world down to the sue happy whackjobs, load them into a jumbo jet, and crash it into a mountain. Those whom I have these conversations with often retort that I should have more faith in humanity, that people are inherently good and are capable of change.
And then a story like this surfaces and drags them deeper into the murky cesspool of human existence in which my faith currently lies.
Today’s story comes to us out of St. Louis, where a local woman recently released an abhorring video on Facebook (a.k.a society’s douche) in which she not only prods her infant daughter into fighting another local girl, but gives her a few pointers while she carries out the despicable act. Unfortunately, no charges have been filed at this point, so the woman’s name has yet to be released, likely out of fear that her neighbors would tie her to a fence post and take turns kicking her in the vagina with steel-toed boots in order to ensure that she never reproduces again, as they so rightfully should.
Video after the jump.
(This pretty much says it all.)
Whenever I am involved in a discussion regarding crime and punishment, I am often dubbed a “sociopathic”, a “loony”, or a “stay the fuck away from me and my family” kind of guy as a result of my extreme view on how people should be disciplined. Society is overpopulated and ever-increasing, so it is my belief that we should take everyone from the convicted pedophiles and murders of the world down to the sue happy whackjobs, load them into a jumbo jet, and crash it into a mountain. Those whom I have these conversations with often retort that I should have more faith in humanity, that people are inherently good and are capable of change.
And then a story like this surfaces and drags them deeper into the murky cesspool of human existence in which my faith currently lies.
Today’s story comes to us out of St. Louis, where a local woman recently released an abhorring video on Facebook (a.k.a society’s douche) in which she not only prods her infant daughter into fighting another local girl, but gives her a few pointers while she carries out the despicable act. Unfortunately, no charges have been filed at this point, so the woman’s name has yet to be released, likely out of fear that her neighbors would tie her to a fence post and take turns kicking her in the vagina with steel-toed boots in order to ensure that she never reproduces again, as they so rightfully should.
After Harry Carry gives us a brief, Goldbergian bit of background info on the two participants headlining TFC’s (Toddler Fighting Championships) inaugural event, we are all set for action. In the blue corner, sporting the white shirt and polka dot trunks, is Angie “The Bruiser” Baker, an undefeated prospect fighting out of Team Clairday who has collected all of her 7 victories by first round stoppage via opponent bursting into tears or wanting their bottle. And in the red corner, sporting the pink trunks, is our unnamed champion. As you can see, the octagon they are fighting in looks more like a run down apartment room, and the presence of a referee is noticeably absent, but HERE WE GO!
Round 1: At the insistence of her corner mother, our champion stuffs a takedown and responds with some overhand palm strikes ala Bas Rutten. Baker responds with a few overhand rights of her own before being bull rushed into the cage wall by the champ. A little bit of clinch work (along with a pause to cry) stalls the action for a bit, and the fans are getting restless. The mother cries out for her daughter to “Ball up some fists!” like some kind of sadomasochistic dog fighter, but gets the proper response from the champ, who drops Baker and unleashes some brutal, not to mention totally illegal, ground-n-pound. AND IT IS ALL OVER!!
Da Champ def. Angie Brown by first round TTKO (technical toddler knockout) at 1:15 of round 1.
Potato Nation, you now have the slightest idea of what Chael Sonnen’s upbringing was like. And as was the case for the Oregonian Gangster, this girl’s mother will be by her side, cheering her on until she can fight no more Social Services take her away next week.
In all seriousness, the television studio who first received the video immediately informed Social Services, who have yet to comment on the possibility of bringing action against this candidate for Mother of the Year. But if we could make a suggestion, it would be to string this woman up by her toes and have all of the local children treat her like a human pinata until she ceases to breathe. Seriously, if Houston Alexander can be arrested for challenging his son to a boxing match, how has this woman not been thrown into the worst prison that St. Louis has to offer for the rest of her natural life?!
It sickens us to know that someone would do this to their own child, especially considering the child’s almost non-existent age in this case. We would urge you to pursue legal action (or preferably Charles Bronson style vigilantism) against this vile creature of a woman, but it appears that Super Fight League has already filed a lawsuit against her for poaching clients and stealing potential viewers from their Youtube audience.
It appears that, distraught over his inability to get fired from the UFC, Quinton “Rampage” Jackson has moved on to phase two of Operation: Batshit Condor. If you recall, phase one began with a DVD copy of The Secret and a six pack of Red Bull and ended with a high speed chase across Southern California. If thi video is any indication, phase two will undoubtedly end in the death of millions.
Perhaps realizing that his rap album won’t be climbing up the charts anytime soon, Jackson decided to return to his acting…I guess you’d call them, roots? The video that awaits you after the jump, which comes courtesy of FilmOn.com, is entitled “How To Pick Up a Gurl – Fast” with Rampage Jackson.
Prepare yourselves for this one, ladies and gentlemen.
It appears that, distraught over his inability to get fired from the UFC, Quinton “Rampage” Jackson has moved on to phase two of Operation: Batshit Condor. If you recall, phase one began with a DVD copy of The Secret and a six pack of Red Bull and ended with a high speed chase across Southern California. If this video is any indication, phase two will undoubtedly end in the death of millions.
Perhaps realizing that his rap album won’t be climbing up the charts anytime soon, Jackson decided to return to his acting…I guess you’d call them, roots? The video that awaits you below, which comes courtesy of FilmOn.com, is entitled “How To Pick Up a Gurl – Fast” with Rampage Jackson.
Prepare yourselves for this one, ladies and gentlemen.
As you can see, what starts off as a series of harmless rape jokes quickly devolves into something out of A Serbian Film before abruptly ending, leaving its audience at an utter loss for words and with a hemorrhage-induced bloody nose. Considering the UFC’s policy on the whole “rape” issue, this is either a brilliant or incredibly stupid move by Quinton Jackson. No, wait. It’s incredibly stupid.
Granted, it would be kind of shocking if Page actually was reprimanded for this, but…what in God’s name did we just witness?
You’ve probably heard by now that Kim Jong-il is dead. No, he was not killed by the hands of Hans Blixs and no, the above video is not a collection of clips from the 2002 fake karate film Kung Pow: Enter the Fist. The sad reality is that what you are watching is simply what the former North Korean dictator’s bodyguards went through on a daily basis. Unreleased until a few hours ago (shocking), the footage is…uh…impressive to say the least, but not without that extra bit of crazy thrown in to let you know this is a KJi joint.
According to the narrator, il’s bodyguards are forced to “hit something” from the moment they wake up, whether that be a giant, cement block attached to another guard’s face, or a two-by-four placed on another’s neck. The rest of their day, however, is not that different from what many of us do to make a living here in America:
You’ve probably heard by now that Kim Jong-il is dead. No, he was not killed by the hands of Hans Blixs and no, the above video is not a collection of clips from the 2002 fake karate film Kung Pow: Enter the Fist. The sad reality is that what you are watching is simply what the former North Korean dictator’s bodyguards went through on a daily basis. Unreleased until a few hours ago (shocking), the footage is…uh…impressive to say the least, but not without that extra bit of crazy thrown in to let you know this is a KJi joint.
According to the narrator, il’s bodyguards are forced to “hit something” from the moment they wake up, whether that be a giant, cement block attached to another guard’s face, or a two-by-four placed on another’s neck. The rest of their day, however, is not that different from what many of us do to make a living here in America:
6 a.m. – Dodge knives thrown at you like some kind of circus act
8 a.m. – Break bricks over stomach
10 a.m. – Brunch
10:05 a.m. – 8 hours of various shooting exercises
6 p.m. – PULL A TRUCK FULL OF PEOPLE ACROSS AN EMPTY LOT WITH YOUR BARE HANDS
6:30 p.m. – Purchase oversized sunglasses and khaki pants from passing gypsy woman
7 p.m. – Kill gypsy woman
8 p.m. – 5:55 a.m. – Just beat the ever-loving shit out of one another
5:55 – 6:00 a.m. – Sleep
It may sound bad, but I hear that once a year, il allowed his bodyguards to visit their families, whom had all mysteriously been locked away in dog kennels and sent to opposite corners of the country. So, it’s not like he was a monster or anything.
