It may not have happened yet, but we’re going to go ahead and claim that GSP is out of UFC Whatever with a torn Whachamacallit.
The news was once again delivered by Dana White via his Twitter.
Now Aldo is out with foot injury. Main and co main in the same day!! Another amazing day at the UFC. We have some work to do.
The injury is apparently unrelated to the motorcycle accident Aldo was involved in just under a week ago, which shows us that the injury curse has moved on from simple hope crushing to full-on psychological warfare. Fuck you, injury curse. Fuck you right in the pooper.
It may not have happened yet, but we’re going to go ahead and claim that GSP is out of UFC Whatever with a torn Whachamacallit.
The news was once again delivered by Dana White via his Twitter.
Now Aldo is out with foot injury. Main and co main in the same day!! Another amazing day at the UFC. We have some work to do.
The injury is apparently unrelated to the motorcycle accident Aldo was involved in just under a week ago, which shows us that the injury curse has moved on from simple hope crushing to full-on psychological warfare. Fuck you, injury curse. Fuck you right in the pooper.
So…Edgar vs. Sonnen, anybody?
In related injury news…
Vladimir Matyushenko has suffered a torn achilles and has been forced out of his bout with the returning Matt Hamill at UFC 152. Matyushenko’s replacement will actually be the man Hamill was originally supposed to face, Roger Hollett, who pulled out from the contest with an injury that has apparently already healed. What does it matter, one of these two men ain’t making it to fight night.
There’s something to be said about a drug addict who chooses to make money by exploiting his struggles with addiction, all while enabling the addictions of other people. I’m not sure if there are proper words for it, but utterly tragic, pathetic and thoroughly reprehensible are probably good places to start. Case in point: Jose Canseco, who has been dangerously addicted to anabolic steroids in the past (and possibly still is), now dedicates his time to encouraging both current and potential steroid users through a series of videos on Steroid.com. If you’re surprised by any of this, I envy your ignorance.
Oh, and he makes his glorious man boobies dance. Did I mention that part yet? Because that happens.
Back to business though. This week, Canseco touches on the topic of which steroids are “the most awesome steroids,” which obviously are the ones that make your tits bounce, n00b. Naturally, Canseco addresses former teammates who decided not to use steroids in the unfortunately typical words of an addict who refuses to take responsibility for his own actions:
As a baseball player, if you didn’t take steroids you were just a pussy. You were just not part of the team at that time. You weren’t really trying to win. You weren’t doing everything possible to become the best baseball player out there and help your team win. It was like a sacrifice in a way, you really had to do everything possible to help your team win.
There’s something to be said about a drug addict who chooses to make money by exploiting his struggles with addiction, all while enabling the addictions of other people. I’m not sure if there are proper words for it, but utterly tragic, pathetic and thoroughly reprehensible are probably good places to start. Case in point: Jose Canseco, who has been dangerously addicted to anabolic steroids in the past (and possibly still is), now dedicates his time to encouraging both current and potential steroid users through a series of videos on Steroid.com. If you’re surprised by any of this, I envy your ignorance.
Oh, and he makes his glorious man boobies dance. Did I mention that part yet? Because that happens.
Back to business though. This week, Canseco touches on the topic of which steroids are “the most awesome steroids,” which obviously are the ones that make your tits bounce, n00b. Naturally, Canseco addresses former teammates who decided not to use steroids in the unfortunately typical words of an addict who refuses to take responsibility for his own actions:
As a baseball player, if you didn’t take steroids you were just a pussy. You were just not part of the team at that time. You weren’t really trying to win. You weren’t doing everything possible to become the best baseball player out there and help your team win. It was like a sacrifice in a way, you really had to do everything possible to help your team win.
I’ll leave that one for the comments section to tear to shreds. What’s arguably the most interesting quote comes at around the seven minute mark, where Jose Canseco confronts a fan who says that baseball “was a pure sport” until players like Jose came along:
Let me tell you something, you fucking hypocritical fans: You loved seeing home runs fly five/six hundred feet. You loved it when Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa went on that home run barrage and they both broke sixty [home runs in one season]. You paid a lot of money in parking and concessions, in the tickets to get into that ballpark, to be entertained and we entertained you, so don’t be such a hypocrite.
Before we go any further, you’re right: It’s almost exactly what Ken Shamrock said when he blamed us for his steroid usage. It’s also incredibly weak to blame other people for your own actions. That being said, he sort of has a point – even if he’s the last person on the planet who should be making it.
As fans, we demand a lot from our athletes. We demand quick knockouts, we demand brutal slams and submissions and we demand impeccable cardio from all of our fighters. A guy who doesn’t finish fights is worthless to most fans (show of hands, how many Jon Fitch and Jacob Volkmann fans do we have here?), yet alone a fighter who consistently gasses out early. Essentially, we end up demanding the performances that very few people can naturally provide on a consistent basis from all of our professional fighters.
Yet we then act surprised when one of our favorite fighters fails a drug test, even though we’re the ones placing demands on them that very few people can meet without resorting to drugs. We’re the first people to crucify a fighter who dares to take drugs so that we’ll continue to buy tickets and pay-per-views. As much as I hate to admit it, Canseco sort of has a point when he calls us hypocrites: We watch sports to be entertained. We’re entertained by the first round knockouts. Do we still have the right to complain about a quick knockout if we later find out that one of the fighters was on steroids?
To reiterate, Canseco’s point is pretty much invalid when you consider that he’s a recovering (maybe?) steroid addict who is blaming other people for his addiction. Not to even mention the mental gymnastics that must take place in Canseco’s head to say ”if you don’t take steroids, you’re a pussy who won’t do everything for the team” in the same video where he says that the fans are to blame for the steroid problem in professional sports, all while he is telling people what steroids are best for a baseball player to take.
As fans, are we at least partially to blame for the athletes who turn to steroids? Probably. But that doesn’t make guys like Jose Canseco any less accountable for their own actions. Or their impressive, dancing knockers.
Although I can’t pinpoint the exact date, at some point last week I found myself in a position that a blogger/writer for any niche site oft finds themselves in: tapping their fingers and waiting for some news to break that anyone would give half a shit about. “You know what you should do,” one of my roommates informed me, “is write an article about disabled athletes in MMA. It would tie in with the Paralympics and be quite topical.” It was a pretty good idea, so I immediately (well, after I set down the bong, I suppose) started drafting up some ideas and angles to approach such a story with. I started thinking about guys like Nick Newell and Matt Hamill, who, despite their disabilities, were still able to break open a can of whoop ass when the occasion called for it.
I also began to think of Kyle Maynard, who, despite being an incredible talent and inspiration, was simply not cut out for the sport of MMA. To put it politely, his amateur debut against Brian Fry was bizarre bordering on embarrassing. This was not due to Maynard’s physical limitations or desire to give the sport a try, but simply because someone out there thought that the fight should be both publicized and videotaped without first considering how it would be received by the general public.
But be that as it may, I began to draft up an article discussing the positives and negatives associated with disabilities in professional sports. I planned to discuss Oscar Pistorius, Im Dong Hyun, and Peter Gray. I planned to ask you, our esteemed readers, whether or not the decision for a disabled athlete to compete in a sport as dangerous as MMA should rest on the shoulders of the athletes themselves or of the commissions that are supposed to be protecting them.
That was, until I came across this article on Fighters Only this morning to find that a promotion in the UK was apparently moving forward with, and I cannot place enough emphasis on the quotes here, “a series of bouts with fighters in wheelchairs and also amputees under MMA rules.”
Although I can’t pinpoint the exact date, at some point last week I found myself in a position that a blogger/writer for any niche site oft finds themselves in: tapping their fingers and waiting for some news to break that anyone would give half a shit about. “You know what you should do,” one of my roommates informed me, “is write an article about disabled athletes in MMA. It would tie in with the Paralympics and be quite topical.” It was a pretty good idea, so I immediately (well, after I set down the bong, I suppose) started drafting up some ideas and angles to approach such a story with. I started thinking about guys like Nick Newell and Matt Hamill, who, despite their disabilities, were still able to break open a can of whoop ass when the occasion called for it.
I also began to think of Kyle Maynard, who, despite being an incredible talent and inspiration, was simply not cut out for the sport of MMA. To put it politely, his amateur debut against Brian Fry was bizarre bordering on embarrassing. This was not due to Maynard’s physical limitations or desire to give the sport a try, but simply because someone out there thought that the fight should be both publicized and videotaped without first considering how it would be received by the general public.
But be that as it may, I began to draft up an article discussing the positives and negatives associated with disabilities in professional sports. I planned to discuss Oscar Pistorius, Im Dong Hyun, and Peter Gray. I planned to ask you, our esteemed readers, whether or not the decision for a disabled athlete to compete in a sport as dangerous as MMA should rest on the shoulders of the athletes themselves or of the commissions that are supposed to be protecting them.
That was, until I came across this article on Fighters Only this morning to find that a promotion in the UK was apparently moving forward with, and I cannot place enough emphasis on the quotes here, “a series of bouts with fighters in wheelchairs and also amputees under MMA rules.”
I had to pause, then rub my eyes, then reread a title that I was sure belonged on the floor of The Onion’s fictional newsroom somewhere. But alas, wheelchair MMA is apparently a sport that a group of presumably sane-minded people agreed was something the world needed to see.
In one fell swoop, the article I had spent a couple days milling over had been negated. Because the truth is, no matter what we think is appropriate in regards to disabled athletes in MMA, promotions like Wheeled Warriors/Ultimate Cage Fighting Championships will always exist to completely violate any logical discussion we might have had on the subject. Promotions run by people so blind, so incompetent, that they could think for even one second that wheelchair MMA would be a good idea.
Of course, Wheeled Warriors head Colin Wood is under the impression that this idea is actually “for the benefit of both the fans and physically-challenged fighters across the globe”:
We have come together to bring both amputees and wheeled fighters into the ring to compete just like any other. I had the pleasure to attend as a ringside spectator to the UCFC’s most recent endeavour – UCFC 4 – which had 13 bouts of amateur and pro MMA action on the card and featured special guests from the UFC Ryan Badar and Clarence Dollaway.
It is clear this concept is well-received and ahead of its time as very few would expect something of its kind to come to fruition so soon. To conclude, this is a great collaboration which surely will improve sports and will continue to grow for the foreseeable future. Both sides are gaining opportunities.
Don’t get me wrong, I am all for allowing disabled athletes the right to participate in able-bodied sports. Murderball is awesome. The Extremity Games? I’m all for it. But the line between advancement and outright dangerous exploitation has to be drawn somewhere, and the decision to strap gloves onto disabled people and have them fight in wheelchairs for our entertainment takes a steaming shit all over that line. Peter Gray competing in the major leagues with one arm is one thing, but this idea is entering Bucky LaGrange territory in a hurry. On a fundamental level, being crippled below the waist conflicts with the criteria necessary to compete in MMA, just as being blind conflicts with the criteria necessary to become a military pilot. Without delving into it too far, one has to wonder how things like leglocks, takedowns, and recovery from said takedowns are even possible in this sport. And if those rules have somehow been altered or removed, why even call it MMA? I believe the quote that “man’s reach exceeds his grasp” applies here. Just because crippled people can compete in MMA, or some form of it, does not mean that we should be backing the idea with 100% enthusiasm.
But let’s look past the logistics of this “sport” for a moment and just dissect the wave of stupidity that has apparently taken over the British MMA scene as of late. Just a few months ago, our buddies across the pond delivered the hybrid sport Ultimate Ballupon the world. What was it a hybrid of exactly? We’re not really sure, but it appeared to combine the worst aspects of MMA and rugby with legal gang rape and a street riot mentality regarding strategy. It was harder to watch than ArmFC’s child fights and will hopefully never show its ugly head on this earth again. Yet somehow, the powers at be have decided to move forward with an idea that is even more exploitative and offensive for completely different reasons. But at the end of the day, it’s up to the athletes involved to determine the risks and rewards of competing in such a sport, right? Or should the promoters be held responsible for allowing such an event to transpire? Would you look at that, I’ve managed to relate back to my original question after all.
In either case, we’ve managed to snag an exclusive video of a similar competition held just last weekend that will completely invalidate any serious points we were trying to make with this article. Welcome to CagePotato.
(Renzo Gracie’s knuckles after beating up muggers. Out of the frame, Renzo Gracie absolutely beaming with a huge smile on his face)
The other day we told you about how Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and MMA legend Renzo Gracie managed to tweet about how he *ahem* defended himself from two muggers in Manhattan this week, at the same time as he was beating the snot out of defending himself from them. Well, The MMA After Hour got Renzo on the line for a short interview where Gracie goes in to detail of how, exactly, he came to beat up two thugs and why he was insulted that they even tried.
We’re not going to waste too much of your time with our copy here because Renzo has plenty to say himself (and we really can’t re-create the effect of his Brazilian accent in writing, and you know it adds a lot to the story, my friend). After the break you’ll find the full interview.
(Renzo Gracie’s knuckles after beating up muggers. Out of the frame, Renzo Gracie absolutely beaming with a huge smile on his face)
The other day we told you about how Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and MMA legend Renzo Gracie managed to tweet about how he *ahem* defended himself from two muggers in Manhattan this week, at the same time as he was beating the snot out of defending himself from them. Well, The MMA After Hour got Renzo on the line for a short interview where Gracie goes in to detail of how, exactly, he came to beat up two thugs and why he was insulted that they even tried.
We’re not going to waste too much of your time with our copy here because Renzo has plenty to say himself (and we really can’t re-create the effect of his Brazilian accent in writing, and you know it adds a lot to the story, my friend). After the break you’ll find the full interview.
(Somewhere in Manhattan, there’s a dumb bastard with the phrase “IFL Pitbulls” reverse-imprinted in his forehead.)
Late last night in New York, legendary fighter/trainer Renzo Gracie was accosted by two men with obvious bad intentions. And since Renzo is one of the gamest S.O.B.s of all time, he wound up beating the shit out of them. Actually, let me re-phrase that: He beat the shit out of one of them, tracked down mugger #2 after he went running off into the night, “raccooned” mugger #2 (explanation below), and tweeted out a live play-by-play of the whole experience including photos. Are you kidding me? Renzo Gracie is like a prime Steven Seagal with an iPhone.
Now, did all this really happen, or was this entire situation just a staged social media infomercial for Gracie Jiu-Jitsu? I don’t know. But I want to believe. Here’s the entire story, from beginning to end, as taken from @RenzoGracieBJJ:
3:11 AM: 22nd street and 10th ave right now two guys following me, can’t help but have a big smile upon my face Im talking about a happy one ;-))))
3:12 AM: Waiting for them… Are they really thinking I’m drunk??? They have to be kidding. Hahahaha
3:13 AM: 25th and 10ave 😉 they are getting closer lol 😉
3:16 AM: I just stop to take a pic, they pretend they are looking at the window, can’t lie… My blood runs in a different speed, man I miss Brazil
(Somewhere in Manhattan, there’s a dumb bastard with the phrase “IFL Pitbulls” reverse-imprinted in his forehead.)
Late last night in New York, legendary fighter/trainer Renzo Gracie was accosted by two men with obvious bad intentions. And since Renzo is one of the gamest S.O.B.s of all time, he wound up beating the shit out of them. Actually, let me re-phrase that: He beat the shit out of one of them, tracked down mugger #2 after he went running off into the night, “raccooned” mugger #2 (explanation below), and tweeted out a live play-by-play of the whole experience including photos. Are you kidding me? Renzo Gracie is like a prime Steven Seagal with an iPhone.
Now, did all this really happen, or was this entire situation just a staged social media infomercial for Gracie Jiu-Jitsu? I don’t know. But I want to believe. Here’s the entire story, from beginning to end, as taken from @RenzoGracieBJJ:
3:11 AM: 22nd street and 10th ave right now two guys following me, can’t help but have a big smile upon my face Im talking about a happy one )))
3:12 AM: Waiting for them… Are they really thinking I’m drunk??? They have to be kidding. Hahahaha
3:13 AM: 25th and 10ave they are getting closer lol
3:16 AM: I just stop to take a pic, they pretend they are looking at the window, can’t lie… My blood runs in a different speed, man I miss Brazil
3:17 AM: JiuJitsu )) never leave home without it
3:18 AM: Please hold there for just a couple minutes be right back
3:23 AM: They are coming closer, asking for a cigaret lol can’t help but have a smile in my face. I don’t smoke. Pretend to wobble. They smile
3:47 AM: My hands hurt… Can’t help but look at him the other one took off running, not much of a friend. Chicken :-/ I can still see him, he looks
3:49 AM: Back as he runs, no chance to catch him… Even though I began to try to run after him, I realize How slow I was. Fuck it :-///
3:53 AM: This one asks me why did I do that, pretending to be stupid, one little kick to the ribs makes him whine and apologize, as I’m writing this.
3:55 AM: I ask him if he was planing to rob me, he says no. All he wanted was a cigarette, lol I can’t help but have a big smile upon my face, and ..
3:57 AM: The certainty that if it was an ordinary man he would be sad about his stolen goods. Fucking cunt cries like a bitch when the tide turns…
3:58 AM: I can’t help but take a pic as his nose bleeds and he wines and asks why did I do that… Like he doesn’t know the reason…
3:59 AM: My fucking hands hurt, hurt like hell…
4:06 AM: Drove around two blocks… The other fellow disappear, I’m heading home… Angry for not finding the second one. Guess no sleeping tonight
4:26 AM: I knew it yessss
4:59 AM: There is basic things like you don’t come back to where the problem was.. You just don’t, I knew he would, just going around the block would
5:01 AM: Be enough… Dumb f%#^ I just gave him the old style Raccoon, it has been a while since the last time I did.. Choke him out 3 times…
5:03 AM: And before he woke up I did hit each eye socket at least twice, tomorrow he will wake up like a raccoon, and every time he woke up I was…
5:06 AM: Whispering at his ears.. That’s what death feels like it.. Don’t do that again. My fucking hand hurts, :-/ a lot
5:08 AM: Next time I will use only the elbows, damn I miss that feeling, sometimes I wonder if the easy life has been making me
5:09 AM: Soft.. All those years in Brazil, without knowing if I would make it home had to count for something, I can’t lie I could have jump in a cab
5:11 AM: But I could not help, I could spot them from a mile away, walking was my option, thank you mayor Giuliani, nobody carries a gun in our…
5:14 AM: Beautiful state, my lucky day, their bad day… My hand hurts and @FrankieEdgar is here at 9:30am for some training, shoot damn little guy
5:16 AM: Could not take a second pic guys sorry, believe I try, as I reach for my iPhone he almost took off :-/ fast mofo
Finally, a Sensei Seagal claim that I don’t immediately label as bullshit.
As hard as we’ve been trying, we just can’t change the subject from holier-than-thou hypocrites around here. At least not in the comments sections of our articles. It seems like the comments sections of every article we’ve written since Thursday have deflated into a bunch of angry, semi-literate geeks who possibly don’t even like MMA calling each other the worst names they can think of before accusing each other of being hypocrites. Coincidentally, I just started reading the comments section of our articles on Thursday morning.
So in that spirit, I’m relaying news to you about a certain lawman who seems to actually fancy himself as Above the Law. It appears that UFC trainer/Actor/CIA agent/Energy Drink Salesman Steven Seagal owes a boat load of money to the State of California. As in, more money than training playing patty-cake with Rafael Cavalcante can possibly be bringing in. To hear it from TMZ.com:
Taking out a boatful of terrorists hell-bent on nuking Honolulu does not mean you can skip out on paying your taxes … so the State of California has filed a giant tax lien against action film star Steven Seagal, TMZ has learned.
Finally, a Sensei Seagal claim that I don’t immediately label as bullshit.
As hard as we’ve been trying, we just can’t change the subject from holier-than-thou hypocrites around here. At least not in the comments sections of our articles. It seems like the comments sections of every article we’ve written since Thursday have deflated into a bunch of angry, semi-literate geeks who possibly don’t even like MMA calling each other the worst names they can think of before accusing each other of being hypocrites. Coincidentally, I just started reading the comments section of our articles on Thursday morning.
So in that spirit, I’m relaying news to you about a certain lawman who seems to actually fancy himself as Above the Law. It appears that UFC trainer/Actor/CIA agent/Energy Drink Salesman Steven Seagal owes a boat load of money to the State of California. As in, more money than training playing patty-cake with Rafael Cavalcante can possibly be bringing in. To hear it from TMZ.com:
Taking out a boatful of terrorists hell-bent on nuking Honolulu does not mean you can skip out on paying your taxes … so the State of California has filed a giant tax lien against action film star Steven Seagal, TMZ has learned.
According to documents filed with the Los Angeles County Recorder’s Office, Seagal owes the Golden State a whopping $335,606.35 for the year 2010. It’s hard to imagine how Seagal amassed such a large tax bill [Author Note: You’ve obviously never needed a good tailor.]– he has appeared in mostly direct-to-video movies for the past decade, with his only real work being a small role in “Machete” in 2010 and his reality show, “Steven Seagal: Lawman.”
Calls to Seagal were not returned.
For those of you who are experiencing déjà vu, Steven Seagal has previously been sued for non-payment to a former movie producer and business associate with mob ties. He reportedly owed that person $500,000. The guy spends that Anderson Silva money faster than The Spider brings it in, is what you should be learning from all of this.
Speaking of which, it’s safe to assume that we won’t be seeing Sensei Seagal at any UFC events in the near future. Naturally, this is a devastating blow to the entire Team Black House camp – who can they possibly find to take credit for their fighters’ victories on such short notice? Who will troll us on slow news days? Who is left to teach us how to defend against open palm slaps with wrist locks? Also, considering the badass high kicks that Jean-Claude Van Damme has been showcasing at Tristar Gym, maybe Anderson Silva might want to think twice about rallying for that Georges St. Pierre superfight for the time being.
)))
