Tag: Insanity

WTF of the Day: Ken Shamrock Hits a Woman He Thought Was a Dude


“I used to kind of have the opposite problem whenever I’d visit Thailand. Long story.”

And now for something completely different.

It’s 2012, yet I’m about to tell you that Ken Shamrock did something of relevance yesterday. Before you start to guess what he did: Yes, it was actually winning a fight – even though his opponent was just some random tubbaguts. No, it wasn’t a sanctioned MMA fight that he won. And obviously, it was pretty damn embarrassing for everyone involved. Give up yet? Brace yourselves…

Ken Shamrock, while breaking up a fight, got arrested for hitting a woman. His justification for hitting the woman wasn’t so much “She attacked me first, and I was simply defending myself” as it was the rock-solid “Wait, THAT’S a chick? For real? GET OUT!” defense.

Not that I think any of you are surprised by this, but let’s read what TMZ.com wrote about the incident after the jump:


“I used to kind of have the opposite problem whenever I’d visit Thailand. Long story.”

And now for something completely different.

It’s 2012, yet I’m about to tell you that Ken Shamrock did something of relevance yesterday. Before you start to guess what he did: Yes, it was actually winning a fight – even though his opponent was just some random tubbaguts. No, it wasn’t a sanctioned MMA fight that he won. And obviously, it was pretty damn embarrassing for everyone involved. Give up yet? Brace yourselves…

Ken Shamrock, while breaking up a fight, hit a woman.  His justification for hitting the woman wasn’t so much “She attacked me first, and I was simply defending myself” as it was the rock-solid “Wait, THAT’S a chick? For real? GET OUT!” defense.

Not that I think any of you are surprised by this, but let’s read what TMZ.com wrote about the incident after the jump:

Shamrock — whose nickname is “The World’s Most Dangerous Man” — was hangin’  out at a mall in Modesto, CA last month when he saw two women fighting each  other in front of the Coach store … surrounded by a group of lookie loos  filming the whole thing.

We’re told Shamrock dove into the scrap and  tried to pry the women apart … when one of the bystanders, a HEAVYSET  bystander, jumped on his back and tried to rip Ken out of the pile.

Shamrock’s rep tells TMZ … he threw the person off of his back and  followed up with a move that knocked the attacker to the ground.

After  the person was incapacitated, the crowd shouted at Ken, “You just hit a girl.”  Ken took a closer look and realized the attacker was in fact a female .. so he  immediately backed off.

An officer arrived to the scene and took a  battery report against Shamrock, noting the only injury was a slight abrasion to  the woman’s knee. The report was sent to the District Attorney’s Office.

But law enforcement sources tell TMZ … Shamrock probably won’t be  prosecuted because officials don’t feel the woman he knocked to the ground is a  “victim.” In fact, they believe Ken was acting in self-defense.

Just so we’re all on the same page: Ken Shamrock was breaking up a fight that was being filmed in front of a Coach store – which is ironic, considering these types of promotions are the only ones still willing to book Ken Shamrock – when some tubby jumped on his back. Despite the fact that his chin is held together by shards of glass, chewed bubble gum and tainted supplements, he stayed awake and managed to knock down his opponent (?!). Upon actually looking at his foe, Shamrock realized that “he” was actually just a husky “she.” Regardless, Shamrock more than likely won’t be punished for this because he was defending himself, and stopped attacking once his attacker backed off.

I know that Ken Shamrock’s career has really taken a turn for the absurd as of late, but this story is crazy even for him. So crazy, in fact, that I have nothing sarcastic or terrible to say about it. I just wish that Dana White heard about Ken Shamrock’s triumphant victory a little bit sooner.

@SethFalvo

Lyoto Machida Turns Down Jon Jones Fight at UFC 152, Vitor Belfort Steps in After Shogun Declines as Well [JONESANITY]


(“Vitor, my brother, you must take this fight for me. I have, how you say, too much pussy.”)

Remember how badly Lyoto Machida wanted a rematch with Jon Jones? Well, he didn’t want it badly enough to fight Jones on a month’s notice. In the latest chapter of the UFC’s most bizarre storyline of 2012, it was revealed late last night by MMAFighting that Machida decided he needed more time to prepare for another title fight against the light-heavyweight champ, and has turned down the opportunity. Machida had briefly been scheduled to face Jones at UFC 152 on September 22nd. (Yes, we’re calling it UFC 152 again. “UFC 151 will be remembered as the event Jon Jones and Greg Jackson murdered,” according to UFC president Dana White.)

The UFC’s next choice for Jones’s opponent was, logically, Mauricio “Shogun” Rua, who also “won impressively” at UFC on FOX 4. But as Lance Pugmire of the LA Times tweeted, Shogun also turned down the fight. Unbelievable. And so, Dana’s hate list grows larger by the day.

But look, on the horizon…a savior. For some reason, middleweight contender Vitor Belfort was offered the chance to fight Jones at UFC 152, which he happily accepted. Said Belfort: “Where a lot of guys are acting like divas I think this is a big challenge for any fighter. I have all the respect for Jones. That’s why you can’t miss this competition. I will not let no one down. I come from the times of Carlson Gracie. He lives inside of me.” Belfort was originally slated to fight Alan Belcher at UFC 153 in Rio.


(“Vitor, my brother, you must take this fight for me. I have, how you say, too much pussy.”)

Remember how badly Lyoto Machida wanted a rematch with Jon Jones? Well, he didn’t want it badly enough to fight Jones on a month’s notice. In the latest chapter of the UFC’s most bizarre storyline of 2012, it was revealed late last night by MMAFighting that Machida decided he needed more time to prepare for another title fight against the light-heavyweight champ, and has turned down the opportunity. Machida had briefly been scheduled to face Jones at UFC 152 on September 22nd. (Yes, we’re calling it UFC 152 again. “UFC 151 will be remembered as the event Jon Jones and Greg Jackson murdered,” according to UFC president Dana White.)

The UFC’s next choice for Jones’s opponent was, logically, Mauricio “Shogun” Rua, who also “won impressively” at UFC on FOX 4. But as Lance Pugmire of the LA Times tweeted, Shogun also turned down the fight. Unbelievable. And so, Dana’s hate list grows larger by the day.

But look, on the horizon…a savior. For some reason, middleweight contender Vitor Belfort was offered the chance to fight Jones at UFC 152, which he happily accepted. Said Belfort: “Where a lot of guys are acting like divas I think this is a big challenge for any fighter. I have all the respect for Jones. That’s why you can’t miss this competition. I will not let no one down. I come from the times of Carlson Gracie. He lives inside of me.” Belfort was originally slated to fight Alan Belcher at UFC 153 in Rio.

So there you have it: Jones will be making his next title defense against a 185′er, but not the one that you’d expect. Perhaps the fact that Chael Sonnen is coming off a loss was enough to disqualify him, although if Belfort turned down the Jones offer as well, who knows what could have happened?

A few more fun facts:

— Always a gentleman, Anderson Silva offered to save UFC 151 by stepping in to fight a light-heavyweight on the card…just not Jon Jones.

— Also from the MMAFighting report: “White added since Machida turned down the title shot, he will most likely have to fight another top contender before he gets an opportunity to fight for the title again.” Yeah, no shit. Jones didn’t want to fight Machida, the fans weren’t psyched about it, and now Dana doesn’t want it either. Maybe now would be a good time for the Dragon to drop to middleweight.

— This. What a difference two years makes.

Society Is Imploding: Three Delaware Daycare Workers Arrested for Inciting Toddler Fight Club


(I met three women with these blank, emotionless faces and…the blackest eyes. The devil’s eyes. Props to our buddies at FilmDrunk for the find.)

It’s pretty common knowledge that most of the writers here at CP have a particularly dark sense of humor. We talk about death around the water cooler with the casual, nonchalant attitude that coworkers in normal society exude when discussing TPS reports or last night’s episode of The Big Bang Theory. Our hearts are basically filled with obsidian, which we write off as a coping mechanism to deal the disintegrating society in which we live.

But apparently we don’t even hold a candle to the ladies running the Hands of Our Future Daycare in Dover, Delaware, who were recently arrested for staging, then recording, a fight between two three-year old children who had been dropped off at the daycare center earlier that morning.

Sound familiar?

Full story after the jump. 


(I met three women with these blank, emotionless faces and…the blackest eyes. The devil’s eyes. Props to our buddies at FilmDrunk for the find.)

It’s pretty common knowledge that most of the writers here at CP have a particularly dark sense of humor. We talk about death around the water cooler with the casual, nonchalant attitude that coworkers in normal society exude when discussing TPS reports or last night’s episode of The Big Bang Theory. Our hearts are basically filled with obsidian, which we write off as a coping mechanism to deal the disintegrating society in which we live.

But apparently we don’t even hold a candle to the ladies running the Hands of Our Future Daycare in Dover, Delaware, who were recently arrested for staging, then recording, a fight between two three-year old children who had been dropped off at the daycare center earlier that morning.

Sound familiar?

The news, which was originally broke by Daily Mail, claims that the three women not only goaded these children into fighting and recorded it, but even pushed them back into the Lionheart-esque “fight zone” when one of them had already admitted defeat:

According to police, Tiana Harris, 19, Lisa Parker, 47, and Estefania Myers, 21, were captured in a cell phone video egging on two three-year-old children to get physical for the fun of it at the Hands of Our Future Daycare in Dover, Delaware.

In the footage, taken in March, a toddler’s voice is heard crying out in pain, ‘He’s pinching me,’ as the little one tries to break free from a scuffle with another youngster.

Shockingly, the voice of one of the workers responds, ‘No pinching, only punching’ as the worker guides the child to stay in the fight zone at the center.

Clearly one of the children is crying and does not want to continue on and he is pushed back into the fray by one of the adults,’ Dover Police Captain Tim Stump told KYW-TV. 

Although we’ve already decided that “No Pinching, Only Punching” is simply too catchy to not replace “We Pull No Punches” on our next batch of t-shirts, these ladies complete disregard for the verbal tapout rule is pretty abhorring. As was their decision to, you know, stage a fight between toddlers in the first place.

The actual footage of this despicable act has been seized by the Dover Police department as evidence in what we hope will be the eventual death by lethal injection trial of these three upstanding members of society, but the mothers of several other children attending the daycare center have come forward and expressed their shock and dismay over the news:

A mother of a child at the same day care, Cristyl Slack, said that her four-year-old daughter was in the room and witnessed the attack when the fight happened in March.
‘I can’t ever believe in a million years,’ another stunned mother, Amy Bickling, said, ‘I mean I would have to see the proof to believe it.’

I know I am perhaps doing a disservice to you readers by not delving into this any further, but for once I am simply at a loss of words. The trust it requires to leave one’s child in the care of a stranger is ineffable, and the violation of that trust in as horrifying a fashion as this warrants the strictest form of punishment imaginable. A punishment that will more than likely not be doled out to these cesspool-dwelling skidmarks on the underwear of human existence. It was bad enough when ArmFC hosted child fights in a smoke filled bar for the world to see, but this is simply beyond my grasp this early in the morning…

…so how about that Frankie Edgar, amiright? Guys?

–J. Jones

Nudechurchgate: Jason Miller Speaks Out Regarding Arrest, Promises “Everything is Fine”

(Subtract the fire extinguisher and a pair of trousers and this is basically what happened.) 

No one really knew what to say when news broke that Jason “Mayhem” Miller was arrested in an Orange County church after breaking in, stripping down, destroying the place, and showering the remains in fire extinguisher retardant. They may make pamphlets to tell us if our little Johnny is high, but they sure as shit don’t make them for that situation, and our apathy/confusion toward the news reflected this. Miller had found his way to the blotter before, but this arrest was simply too bizarre to take in all at once. If Rampage Jackson was an episode of World’s Wildest Police Chases, Mayhem was an entire season of Reno 911. Specifically, the episodes featuring Terry.

There was also the fact that we were still digesting the bowlful of crazy that Miller had spewed at Dana White just days before, which truly raised some eyebrows in regards to Miller’s general well being. He had made his history of mental issues public knowledge before, and many of us assumed that it was likely these problems rearing their ugly heads once again when he was arrested. But according to Miller, who released a statement today to address our concerns following his release last week, declared that “everything is fine.” Granted, he also said the same thing to DW just days before his arrest, so take this with a grain of salt. Miller released the following via his Facebook and Twitter.


(Subtract the fire extinguisher and a pair of trousers and this is basically what happened.) 

No one really knew what to say when news broke that Jason “Mayhem” Miller was arrested in an Orange County church after breaking in, stripping down, destroying the place, and showering the remains in fire extinguisher retardant. They may make pamphlets to tell us if our little Johnny is high, but they sure as shit don’t make them for that situation, and our apathy/confusion toward the news reflected this. Miller had found his way to the blotter before, but this arrest was simply too bizarre to take in all at once. If Rampage Jackson was an episode of World’s Wildest Police Chases, Mayhem was an entire season of Reno 911. Specifically, the episodes featuring Terry.

There was also the fact that we were still digesting the bowlful of crazy that Miller had spewed at Dana White just days before, which truly raised some eyebrows in regards to Miller’s general well being. He had made his history of mental issues public knowledge before, and many of us assumed that it was likely these problems rearing their ugly heads once again when he was arrested. But according to Miller, who released a statement today to address our concerns following his release last week, declared that “everything is fine.” Granted, he also said the same thing to DW just days before his arrest, so take this with a grain of salt. Miller released the following via his Facebook and Twitter:

Facebook: I know you all are probably very confused about me right now, and concerned for my well being. I thank you for that, and please unnastand (sic) that everything is fine, and will probably make a lot more sense as time passes. Love you all.

He took to Twitter shortly after making these remarks:

Twitter: (It was) not a cry for attention, personal glory, or monetary gain. I did that in my time fighting for the UFC and have come to see I was wrong.

I am safe, with people that love me, and hope that you will join me. If I ever hurt anyone, I am sorry.

Although Miller didn’t discuss what led him to do what he did, it’s good to know that Miller is at least surrounding himself with the right people to help him pull through whatever state he is currently in. Mental disease is no joke, unless you’re faking it to win the Special Olympics of course, in which case it is hilarious.

We will have more on this story as the information is made available. In the mean time, send Mayhem your best over his Twitter or Facebook. If you don’t have either of those things, I don’t know, send him a letter maybe?

–J. Jones

Sad Video of the Day: James Irvin Loses XARM Debut. Yes, Loses.

(Video via MachinimaPrime)

In MMA, as in life, you never want to leave it in the hands of the judges. The same rule applies for the absurd parody of a combat sport known as XARM. Up until now, we’ve just thought that XARM involved two guys swinging wild haymakers at each other with their hands tied together, but it turns out that you actually can win or lose by pin — just like in real arm-wrestling. And James Irvin recently learned that the hard way during his depressing promotional debut against XARM veteran  Fred “Big Cat” Steen.

Steen successfully pins Irvin’s arm in rounds one and two, meaning that Irvin needs a knockout in round three to win the match. And while the Sandman lands some good shots in that final frame, Steen spends much of the third round hanging back (literally), stalling his way to a decision win. Honestly, these goddamned point-fighters are ruining the sport.

I’d update the James Irvin “Why Me?” timeline, but who even cares at this point. For further viewing, watch this XARM profile of James Irvin, where Irvin explains that he works full-time at the UFC Gym (possibly alongside another legendary UFC striker), incorrectly claims that he still holds the UFC’s fastest knockout record, and bitches about his damn taxes.


(Video via MachinimaPrime)

In MMA, as in life, you never want to leave it in the hands of the judges. The same rule applies for the absurd parody of a combat sport known as XARM. Up until now, we’ve just thought that XARM involved two guys swinging wild haymakers at each other with their hands tied together, but it turns out that you actually can win or lose by pin — just like in real arm-wrestling. And James Irvin recently learned that the hard way during his depressing promotional debut against XARM veteran  Fred “Big Cat” Steen.

Steen successfully pins Irvin’s arm in rounds one and two, meaning that Irvin needs a knockout in round three to win the match. And while the Sandman lands some good shots in that final frame, Steen spends much of the third round hanging back (literally), stalling his way to a decision win. Honestly, these goddamned point-fighters are ruining the sport.

I’d update the James Irvin “Why Me?” timeline, but who even cares at this point. For further viewing, watch this XARM profile of James Irvin, where Irvin explains that he works full-time at the UFC Gym (possibly alongside another legendary UFC striker), incorrectly claims that he still holds the UFC’s fastest knockout record, and bitches about his damn taxes.

Quote of the Day: Ronda Rousey Seeks Murder, Dismemberment Against Sarah Kaufman


(From left to right: Ronda Rousey, Blaze Ya Dead Homie. / Ronda image via CombatLifestyle)

With her Strikeforce title defense against Sarah Kaufman coming up this weekend, Ronda Rousey’s latest bit of fight-hype was so violently over-the-top that it made Frank Mir look downright sportsmanlike in comparison. Here’s what Rowdy told reporters during yesterday’s Strikeforce: Rousey vs. Kaufman press conference:

“Sarah Kaufman should be thanking her lucky stars that MMA is properly regulated in California. I respect her so much that I’m not taking any chances: If i get her in an armbar I’m going to try and rip it off and throw it at her corner, if I get her in a choke I’m going to hold it until she’s actually dead. And if I get a knockout I’m going to actually try and pound her face into the ground. She’s relying on the competence of the California athletic commission to walk out of that cage alive. That has nothing to do with whether I like her or respect her, she seems like a nice chick, but I go into every fight like my little sister’s life is depending on it. And in that kind of situation, no one can ever beat me.”

Wow. If this fighting thing doesn’t work out, Ronda might have a future as an artist signed to Psychopathic Records. Luckily, Kaufman was relatively cool and insightful about the whole thing, saying:


(From left to right: Ronda Rousey, Blaze Ya Dead Homie. / Ronda image via CombatLifestyle)

With her Strikeforce title defense against Sarah Kaufman coming up this weekend, Ronda Rousey’s latest bit of fight-hype was so violently over-the-top that it made Frank Mir look downright sportsmanlike in comparison. Here’s what Rowdy told reporters during yesterday’s Strikeforce: Rousey vs. Kaufman press conference:

“Sarah Kaufman should be thanking her lucky stars that MMA is properly regulated in California. I respect her so much that I’m not taking any chances: If i get her in an armbar I’m going to try and rip it off and throw it at her corner, if I get her in a choke I’m going to hold it until she’s actually dead. And if I get a knockout I’m going to actually try and pound her face into the ground. She’s relying on the competence of the California athletic commission to walk out of that cage alive. That has nothing to do with whether I like her or respect her, she seems like a nice chick, but I go into every fight like my little sister’s life is depending on it. And in that kind of situation, no one can ever beat me.”

Wow. If this fighting thing doesn’t work out, Ronda might have a future as an artist signed to Psychopathic Records. Luckily, Kaufman was relatively cool and insightful about the whole thing, saying:

“She’s gonna try and kill me, which is kinda mean, but that’s alright….That’s great, it’s a fight. And that’s what you wanna do, you don’t want to come in and play patty-cake, that’s not what we’re here for. We’re here to show up and do everything we possibly can to win. I mean, hopefully no one dies in the process, but again, it’s a fight and anything can happen. So it’s great, it gets people excited, and people want to see two athletes showing up and fighting, and not just trying to out-score the other person. They want to see someone decisively finish a fight.”

Be sure to catch CagePotato’s liveblog of the Rousey vs. Kaufman Showtime main card right here beginning at 10 p.m. ET this Saturday. If anybody dies, we’ll let you know as soon as it happens.