Tag: Insanity

Emilio Estevez Isn’t Impressed With Chael’s Letter to Anderson Silva [VIDEO]


(“When I was a teenager and I was having problems in West Linn, my mom sent me to live with my Auntie and Uncle in Bel Air. I’ll never forget how bad the cab driver smelled that took me to their house.”)

It appears the Gangster from America is back to his old tricks copping material and claiming it as his own.

You might recall that Chael “borrowed” his post-fight UFC on Fox 2 speech from former pro wrestler “Superstar” Billy Graham. Now it seems, as pointed out by several of our astute readers, that the number one UFC middleweight contender has claimed artistic license on a bit made famous by Emilio Estevez in the 1988 movie Young Guns.

Check out the videos and transcriptions for comparison after the jump.


(“When I was a teenager and I was having problems in West Linn, my mom sent me to live with my Auntie and Uncle in Bel Air. I’ll never forget how bad the cab driver smelled that took me to their house.”)

It appears the Gangster from America is back to his old tricks copping material and claiming it as his own.

You might recall that Chael “borrowed” his post-fight UFC on Fox 2 speech from former pro wrestler “Superstar” Billy Graham. Now it seems, as pointed out by several of our astute readers, that the number one UFC middleweight contender has claimed artistic license on a bit made famous by Emilio Estevez in the 1988 movie Young Guns.

In the scene, Estevez, who played William H. Bonney, AKA “Billy the Kid” in the flick, dictated a heartfelt letter to fellow Regulator Josiah “Doc” Scurlock, played by Kiefer Sutherland in which the outlaw seemed to be negotiating his surrendered to the governor of Utah.

Here’s the video and transcription:


(Video courtesy of YouTube/CagePotato)

Dear Governor Axtell,

I’ve heard that you will give 200 dollars for my head. Perhaps we should meet and talk. I am at the Juarez village at the border. Send three men and instruct them not to shoot, as I am unarmed. In short, Sir, I surrender.

Your obedient servant,

William H. Bonney.

P.S. I changed my mind.

Kiss my ass.

Sonnen recited an eerily similar letter to nemesis Anderson Silva last night during his weekly “Piper’s Pit” “Chael’s Corner” segment on Fuel TV’s UFC Tonight, proclaiming a truce and relinquishing his title shot this summer.

The only thing missing was the bathtub and the cigar.


(Video courtesy of YouTube/FuelTV)

Anderson,

Over the last several months, I’ve disparaged your name in an attempt to garner respect and attention for my own. That was wrong and I apologize. My actions were unsportsmanlike. They were uncalled for. Though they weren’t mean-spirited, I do regret them. As you know, I’ve recently become the number one contender, which is a position that respectfully and immediately I am resigning from. I wish no further confrontation with you in the Octagon or through the media. In short, I surrender.

Signed,

Your friend, Chael P. Sonnen

P.S. I changed my mind.

Anderson, you can kiss my ass.

Come on, Chael P. Mencia, At least come up with your own schtick.

Next thing you know he’ll be ripping off Mr. Belvedere.

[PHOTO] The Future Heavyweight Overlord of the Universe Has Arrived


(If you think about it, a giraffe is nothing more than a horse with a really, really long neck. Watch your back Olivier.) 

No, this is not one of MRuss’ award winning photoshops, although we imagine everyone in the UFC’s heavyweight division wishes it was. It turns out that this beanstalkian figure is Olivier Richter, otherwise known as the tallest man in Holland. He stands at 7’2, or three inches taller than Stefan “Skyscraper” Struve, and according to Alistair Overeem, has already begun to train kickboxing and weight lifting with the hopes of one day making it into the UFC.


(If you think about it, a giraffe is nothing more than a horse with a really, really long neck. Watch your back Olivier.) 

No, this is not one of MRuss’ award winning photoshops, although we imagine everyone in the UFC’s heavyweight division wishes it was. It turns out that this beanstalkian figure is Olivier Richter, otherwise known as the tallest man in Holland. He stands at 7’2, or three inches taller than Stefan “Skyscraper” Struve, and according to Alistair Overeem, has already begun to train kickboxing and weight lifting with the hopes of one day making it into the UFC.

It’s obviously too early to tell what kind of fighter Richter will be, but you have to see the potential in a guy that makes the 6’5, 265 lb Ubereem look like a child, a notion that this writer didn’t think was humanly possible. Seriously, my universe is fucking shattered right now. Discuss, Potato Nation, or perhaps start preparing for the day this guy decides to come to your dorm room, beat the fuck out of your roommate, take his bed, smack a couple of your teachers, your professors, your RAs, and your deans.

-J. Jones

Photos of the Day: Brett Bassett By Way of GWAR


(*There are so many more that must die, is that not part of the plan? I must use the nukes, I can’t kill you all with my hands!* All photos courtesy of Sherdog.) 

Or perhaps by way of Slayer. In either case, check out these brutiful photos from last Saturday’s Cage Warriors Fighting Championship 45 card, which went down at the HMV Forum in Kentish Town, North London, England. In a middleweight match-up between Cage Rage veteran Brett Bassett and 5-1 Brett Sizeland, a brilliantly placed elbow in the second round cut Bassett wide open, resulting in one of the bloodiest cuts this side of Struve/Stojnic that we’ve ever seen. Check out the rest of the photos below.

Related: The Top Ten MMA Bloodbaths


(*There are so many more that must die, is that not part of the plan? I must use the nukes, I can’t kill you all with my hands!* All photos courtesy of Sherdog.) 

Or perhaps by way of Slayer. In either case, check out these brutiful photos from last Saturday’s Cage Warriors Fighting Championship 45 card, which went down at the HMV Forum in Kentish Town, North London, England. In a middleweight match-up between Cage Rage veteran Brett Bassett and 5-1 Brett Sizeland, a brilliantly placed elbow in the second round cut Bassett wide open, resulting in one of the bloodiest cuts this side of Struve/Stojnic that we’ve ever seen. Check out the rest of the photos below.

Related: The Top Ten MMA Bloodbaths


(You know it’s not good when the doctor makes THAT face.)

Joe Stevenson feels your pain.

-J. Jones

Gross Video of the Day: NASTIEST. ELBOW. EVER.

Well, there’s one way to deal with cauliflower ear. Today’s video comes to us courtesy of Fight Lab 20: MMA Cage Fights @ Coyote Joe’s in Charlotte, North Carolina. Making his professional debut, Kenneth Crowder took on 1-1 Shane Tyner in a bantamweight contest that provided more than its fair share of highlights, but we’re going to focus on one in particular. After completing a takedown midway through the second round, Crowder unleashed an elbow that shall forever be known as “The Nastiest Elbow Ever Thrown By Anyone Ever.” Trust us on this one.

Well, there’s one way to deal with cauliflower ear. Today’s video comes to us courtesy of Fight Lab 20: MMA Cage Fights @ Coyote Joe’s in Charlotte, North Carolina. Making his professional debut, Kenneth Crowder took on 1-1 Shane Tyner in a bantamweight contest that provided more than its fair share of highlights, but we’re going to focus on one in particular. After completing a takedown midway through the second round, Crowder unleashed an elbow that shall forever be known as “The Nastiest Elbow Ever Thrown By Anyone Ever.” Trust us on this one.

With the surgical accuracy of a laser in a James Bond movie, Crowder’s elbow sent a piece of Tyner’s ear flying across the ring like an ejected mouthpiece. And as it turns out, this would only be the beginning of this poor bastard’s suffering. Yes, despite having half of his ear sliced clean off, Tyner would go on to lose the fight BY UNANIMOUS DECISION. No word yet on whether or not the referee for this match was John Kramer, but let’s just assume it was for the time being. We have a feeling the money Tyner walked away with for his fearless efforts will not be enough to cover the hospital bill that inevitably followed, so everyone raise a glass and order a bucket of baby clams for lunch in this man’s honor. It’s the least we can do.

Word has it that after the fight, one of Tyner’s cornerman attempted to communicate with him through the missing piece of ear to mixed results.

-J. Jones

Klitschko Wins Unanimous Decision over Cheeky Chisora

After the fight, Dereck Chisora brawled with David Haye. Props: IronForgesIron.com

By Steve Silverman

It’s fairly clear that Vitali Klitschko’s reign as heavyweight champion has not been respected by all of his opponents. Prior to his unanimous 12-round decision over Dereck Chisora Saturday, the challenger made news by slapping Klitschko across the face at the weigh-in a day before the fight.

Imagine the nerve of Chisora, smacking the champion across the face as if he was a child of the 1960s getting disciplined by his father. (Nowadays, that would never happen because if you slap your own kid across the face the police get called in and I’m not kidding.)

Klitschko (44-2) could not wait to get into the ring against Chisora and teach him a lesson for his disrespect. He pretty much did just that, setting a tone in the opening round by cutting Chisora’s lip. The bout was fairly even for the next three rounds, but then Klitschko started to pound Chisora with a constant one-fisted attack.

That one fist was Klitschko’s right hand because Klitschko claimed that he injured his left hand during the early portion of the fight. Klitschko’s strong right hand was good enough to get him the victory and allow him to retain his World Boxing Council championship.

However, even though Chisora (15-3) lost he gave a fairly good account of himself during the fight. He had several rallies where he would respond to Klitschko’s punches with his own flurries. He appeared to hurt the champion from time to time, but not enough to put the results of the fight in doubt.


After the fight, Dereck Chisora brawled with David Haye. Props: IronForgesIron.com

By Steve Silverman

It’s fairly clear that Vitali Klitschko’s reign as heavyweight champion has not been respected by all of his opponents. Prior to his unanimous 12-round decision over Dereck Chisora Saturday, the challenger made news by slapping Klitschko across the face at the weigh-in a day before the fight.

Imagine the nerve of Chisora, smacking the champion across the face as if he was a child of the 1960s getting disciplined by his father. (Nowadays, that would never happen because if you slap your own kid across the face the police get called in and I’m not kidding.)

Klitschko (44-2) could not wait to get into the ring against Chisora and teach him a lesson for his disrespect. He pretty much did just that, setting a tone in the opening round by cutting Chisora’s lip. The bout was fairly even for the next three rounds, but then Klitschko started to pound Chisora with a constant one-fisted attack.

That one fist was Klitschko’s right hand because Klitschko claimed that he injured his left hand during the early portion of the fight. Klitschko’s strong right hand was good enough to get him the victory and allow him to retain his World Boxing Council championship.

However, even though Chisora (15-3) lost he gave a fairly good account of himself during the fight. He had several rallies where he would respond to Klitschko’s punches with his own flurries. He appeared to hurt the champion from time to time, but not enough to put the results of the fight in doubt.

Klitschko has not made any official announcements about his future, but he is 40 years old and mulling retirement. He could step away from the sweet science at any time or he could decide to stay active for 1 or 2 more fights.

If he did retire, that would leave his 35-year-old brother Wladimir as the only active fighting Klitschko. Wladimir is considered a slightly better fighter than his older brother and is the Super WBA champion. The two have constantly avoided the prospect of fighting each other throughout their professional careers.

The nervy Chisora is a strange case. The loss to Klitschko was his third in his last four fights, but he backed up his dramatic slap by fighting with the same type of reckless abandon that he showed during the weigh-in.

After the fight with Klitschko, Chisora and former World Boxing Association champion David Haye got into a dispute with both men coming to blows. Chisora felt threatened when he saw that Haye had a bottle in his hand, so he knocked it away and then started throwing punches.

Chisora clearly has a lot of fight left in him and should remain a decent contender and a marketable opponent.

Rumor: Chandella Powell Fired for Failure to Disclose Secret Past Life as a Softcore Porn Star


(Chandella as her alter ego Mariah Ashton.) 

Well ho-lee shit. It seems that if you do enough digging on any given ring girl, you will find out that she has done porn at one point in her life. According to a few unconfirmed sources from around the MMA blogosphere, it appears that Chandella Powell will be joining the ranks of Logan Stanton, Natasha Wicks, and Edith Labelle as a former UFC ring girl due to…get this…failing to disclose that she once appeared in a couple softcore porn photo shoots and videos under the name “Mariah Ashton.” What was originally passed off as a common bestiality flick was recently discovered to contain none other than the first ever African American UFC ring girl going “toe-to-toe” with another young starlet. How could you keep this from us, Carmen?

As we all know, Chandella was absent from the UFC’s FUEL TV debut last night, and hasn’t said a word on her Twitter account since Saturday. And since we also know that it is physically impossible for any woman, let alone a public figure, to ignore their Twitter for more than an hour or so, this can only mean that these rumors are unquestionably true. We are not going to provide links to any of the evidence against Ms. Powell, because if you haven’t searched the internet and found them yourself by this point I would be sorely disappointed, Potato Nation.

To give you some perspective on how to deal with this, join us after the jump to see how a few members of the CP staff coped with the heartbreaking news, via a string of emails.


(Chandella as her alter ego Mariah Ashton.) 

Well ho-lee shit. It seems that if you do enough digging on any given ring girl, you will find out that she has done porn at one point in her life. According to a few unconfirmed sources from around the MMA blogosphere, it appears that Chandella Powell will be joining the ranks of Logan Stanton, Natasha Wicks, and Edith Labelle as a former UFC ring girl due to…get this…failing to disclose that she once appeared in a couple softcore porn photo shoots and videos under the name “Mariah Ashton.” What was originally passed off as a common bestiality flick was recently discovered to contain none other than the first ever African American UFC ring girl going “toe-to-toe” with another young starlet. How could you keep this from us, Carmen?

As we all know, Chandella was absent from the UFC’s FUEL TV debut last night, and hasn’t said a word on her Twitter account since Saturday. And since we also know that it is physically impossible for any woman, let alone a public figure, to ignore their Twitter for more than an hour or so, this can only mean that these rumors are unquestionably true. We are not going to provide links to any of the evidence against Ms. Powell, because if you haven’t searched the internet and found them yourself by this point I would be sorely disappointed, Potato Nation.

To give you some perspective on how to deal with this, check out how a few members of the CP staff coped with the heartbreaking news, via a string of emails.

JJ: Does anyone know if there’s any truth to this? Apparently Chandella was fired for her secretive past life as a softcore pornstar.

BG: I was going to ask if you guys saw those photos of Chandella munching that chick’s box.  (What defines “softcore”? Because there’s no dick in it?)

MR: Anyone check her Twitter? No pun intended… *shudder*

RX: Her Twitter has been silent since the 11th, I believe. And softcore = “simulated,” no penetration sex.  I’d have thought a Penthouse guy would know that, BG. #BOOMHEADSHOT

RX: One more thing, her profile is still up at UFC.com, and she’s still 2 years old.

MR: They started posting their ages in horse years back when Edith was with the company.

BG: Absolutely nothing since last Saturday. That pretty much proves it. Farewell Chandella, and good luck on your journey to that Great Art School in the Sky.

CC: So she’s being punished for sowing her wild oats? (<—-see what I did there?)

RX: Careful, fellas. If this gets any funnier, it could wind up on CP as a “round table discussion.”

JJ: I imagine she’ll be off to greener pastures. She was getting too old for this shit anyway.

CC: She shouldn’t have looked her gifted contract in the mouth.

RX: Just somebody tell me Brittney’s nom de poon.

Please.

I’ll pay you.

–FIN– 

If this is truly the case, we would like to wish Chandella the best of luck in her future, which will likely consist of a semester at art school before launching into the hardcore industry like an adult. Remember Chandella, nudity is only cool with the UFC if Hugh Hefner is involved.

-J. Jones