Gambling Addiction Enabler: TUF 14 Finale Edition

The Ultimate Fighter 14 Finale is just two days away, and though the bookies haven’t given us much to work with, we decided to throw y’all some last minute betting advice come fight night in case you plan on bluffing the piss out of Johnny Chan in the Palms Casino afterward. Check out the betting lines, courtesy of BestFightOdds, along with the almighty wisdom of the Great Potato, below.

Main Card (Spike TV)
Michael Bisping (-185) vs. Jason Miller (+160)
T.J. Dillashaw (-205) vs. John Dodson (+165)
Diego Brandao (-320) vs. Dennis Bermudez (+250)
Tony Ferguson (-255) vs. Yves Edwards (+205)

The Main Event: Let’s get right to it. Bisping has a lot of advantages going into this fight: he’s never been submitted, which is Miller’s bread and butter, he’s fought more in the past year, and he has considerably less pressure on him than Mayhem, who is out to prove to casual and hardcore fans alike that he is more than just a goofball TV personality. And we all know that Bisping will do anything, and I mean anything, to destroy those who slander him publicly, so Miller will most definitely be facing at a steep hill to climb for his first appearance in the octagon since 2005. But there are a couple crucial outside factors here. As Miller has stated, he is one hard headed son of a bitch, and despite what Bisping’s record says, have we ever seen him truly overwhelm an opponent as tough as Mayhem on the feet? You could argue Denis Kang, but I would respond to that argument with a pat on your head and a condescending chuckle.

The Ultimate Fighter 14 Finale is just two days away, and though the bookies haven’t given us much to work with, we decided to throw y’all some last minute betting advice come fight night in case you plan on bluffing the piss out of Johnny Chan in the Palms Casino afterward. Check out the betting lines, courtesy of BestFightOdds, along with the almighty wisdom of the Great Potato, below.

Main Card (Spike TV)
Michael Bisping (-185) vs. Jason Miller (+160)
T.J. Dillashaw (-205) vs. John Dodson (+165)
Diego Brandao (-320) vs. Dennis Bermudez (+250)
Tony Ferguson (-255) vs. Yves Edwards (+205)

The Main Event: Let’s get right to it. Bisping has a lot of advantages going into this fight: he’s never been submitted, which is Miller’s bread and butter, he’s fought more in the past year, and he has considerably less pressure on him than Mayhem, who is out to prove to casual and hardcore fans alike that he is more than just a goofball TV personality. And we all know that Bisping will do anything, and I mean anything, to destroy those who slander him publicly, so Miller will most definitely be facing at a steep hill to climb for his first appearance in the octagon since 2005. But there are a couple crucial outside factors here. As Miller has stated, he is one hard headed son of a bitch, and despite what Bisping’s record says, have we ever seen him truly overwhelm an opponent as tough as Mayhem on the feet? You could argue Denis Kang, but I would respond to that argument with a pat on your head and a condescending chuckle.

Now let’s talk about grappling, shall we? Miller showed that he could roll with the best in his five rounder against Jake Shields, at one point even managing to catch the Cesar Gracie black belt in a rear naked choke late in the second round. Granted he would go on to lose that fight, but it’s not crazy to think that if Miller can take this fight to the ground, then he could hold a distinct advantage. But Miller has said that he plans to keep it standing, so it really comes down to whether you think Bisping can finish Miller on the feet (or at least jab and jog a decision over him) and whether or not Mayhem will allow that to happen.

The TUF Finals: Since we’ve recently been made aware of the fact that Dodson has the ability to KO you back to your hometown, he’s looking pretty good as a modest underdog. He’s easily the quicker of the two, and probably more athletic. But if Dillashaw can do anything, it’s take you to the mat and unleash a clinic of ground-and-pound. And though Dodson has been able to spring to his feet quickly after being taken down in his time on the show, he has still shown the ability to be taken down, and to far inferior grapplers than Dillashaw, nonetheless. The wrestling game is going to determine the winner of this one, and I think Dillashaw will come out on top.

I’m not totally counting out Dennis Bermudez, but I’m pretty damn close to. Diego Brandao is a killer, ladies and gentlemen, and if Akira Corissani was able to tag Bermudez as much as he did, then someone with Brandao’s power will surely put him away. Plus, can any of you remember the last TUF contestant to run through all three of his opponents on the show via first round TKO? I’ll give you a hint; he’s also fighting Saturday, and he won last season’s The Ultimate Fighter. Brandao has got this one.

The Other Fight: Yves Edwards is a tough, well rounded veteran who has the tools to put just about anyone in trouble, and given Ferguson’s lack of octagon experience, we’ve yet to see both his chin and ground game tested. But Ferguson is a precise striker that has an ability to punish your jaw worse than a Now & Later, and since Sam Stout already showed him the road to Edwards’ off button, expect Ferguson to sprinkle that road with the teeth of the “Thugjitsu Master” en route to a second or third round TKO.

Official CagePotato Parlay: We’re going balls out for this one and parlaying the entire main card. Since the fate of mankind lies in his hands (and we’ve always loved a good underdog) it’s going something like this:

Miller + Dillashaw + Brandao + Ferguson

50 bucks gets you just under a 300 dollar payout.

-The Great Potato 

‘TUF 14? Episode 10 Recap: I’m Awesome, You’re Not

Jason Miller Michael Bisping ultimate fighter ufc mma gif gifs
(Gentlemen, please. You can *both* eat dicks. / GIF via IronForgesIron)

After a compact ten-episode run, Spike TV’s final season of The Ultimate Fighter ended last night. So what did we learn? Repeating short phrases over and over again gives them more rhetorical power. “Fufessional” is just another word for dumbass. Karma visits upon every asshole.

But before we put this sumbitch to bed, we have two more semi-final fights to get through. John “The Snitchin’ Magician” Dodson is training for his bantamweight face-off with teammate Johnny Bedford, while Bedford blatantly creeps on him the whole time. Coach Mayhem decides he won’t corner either man, leaving that responsibility up to the assistant coaches.

Says Dodson: “I only got taken down once, by Prince [John Albert], and I’m never going to get taken down again.” But taking Lil’ John down is, in fact, Bedford’s gameplan. And he doesn’t think Dodson has the power to hurt him. Dodson giggles and poses in the face-off after weigh-ins. Once again, we marvel at how small this man is, and how he should really be competing at 125, if such a division existed in the UFC. And once again, his size disadvantage probably won’t matter one damn bit.

Jason Miller Michael Bisping ultimate fighter ufc mma gif gifs
(Gentlemen, please. You can *both* eat dicks. / GIF via IronForgesIron)

After a compact ten-episode run, Spike TV’s final season of The Ultimate Fighter ended last night. So what did we learn? Repeating short phrases over and over again gives them more rhetorical power. “Fufessional” is just another word for dumbass. Karma visits upon every asshole.

But before we put this sumbitch to bed, we have two more semi-final fights to get through. John “The Snitchin’ Magician” Dodson is training for his bantamweight face-off with teammate Johnny Bedford, while Bedford blatantly creeps on him the whole time. Coach Mayhem decides he won’t corner either man, leaving that responsibility up to the assistant coaches.

Says Dodson: “I only got taken down once, by Prince [John Albert], and I’m never going to get taken down again.” But taking Lil’ John down is, in fact, Bedford’s gameplan. And he doesn’t think Dodson has the power to hurt him. Dodson giggles and poses in the face-off after weigh-ins. Once again, we marvel at how small this man is, and how he should really be competing at 125, if such a division existed in the UFC. And once again, his size disadvantage probably won’t matter one damn bit.

And it’s go time already. Bedford remarks that Dodson likes to smile after getting hit, but he won’t be smiling in this one. Dodson’s rebuttal: “You ain’t gonna get me dog. You know why? I’m awesome, you’re not.”

Round 1: Bedford and Dodson both land with leg kicks and punches. Bedford fires a pair of high kicks. Bedford shoots in, Dodson defends. Dodson lands a lightning fast knee/punch combo. Bedford tries to clinch and Dodson launches a flurry of inside punches. Dodson sticking and moving, landing counters. Bedford tries to clinch again, but Dodson is too slippery. Bedford with a left. Dodson lands two leg kicks. Bedford clinches and throws some knees but eats a punch as Dodson escapes. Bedford finally gets a takedown, but Dodson is up and out. Bedford tries to swagger-jack Jon Jones with a rolling backfist that misses wide. Dodson fires a looping hook. Bedford dashes forward with a knee, but can’t grab on. Bedford goes body/head with punches. Dodson catches a kick and dumps Bedford down. Bedford gets up and Dodson seems to punt him in the nuts on the way up, but Bedford is unfazed. They scrap to the bell. “I lost that round, didn’t I,” Bedford asks his corner. Yeah, pretty much.

Round 2: Dodson in a great rhythm, landing his counterpunches and exiting. He slaps in an inside leg kick. Now Bedford catches a kick and slugs Dodson against the fence, forcing him to retreat. Dodson lands to the body. Dodson connects on a stiff left that drops Bedford, and follows it up with some wild masturbation punches until Bedford’s soul leaves his body. And so, John Dodson will be facing TJ Dillashaw at the TUF 14 bantamweight finals on Saturday night.

“He looked like a monkey trying to open up a coconut when he was bashing on Bedford’s head” says Louis Gaudinot, an observation that’s equal parts offensive and accurate.

The doctor asks Bedford where he is, and he guesses Ohio. Now what were you saying about Dodson’s power?

Back at the house, Diego Brandao menacingly sharpens a meat-cleaver in the backyard while Bryan Caraway chills in the hot tub, trying to not look terrified. As Coach Bisping puts it, ”Look, I’d be scared of the guy, and he’s only the size of my leg!” Brandao says something about weening TUF so ee can buy house for ees mother.

Caraway just wants to keep his guts on the inside of his body. According to his own calculations, he threw up before his first 30 MMA fights, but is currently riding a three-fight streak of not throwing up. The sport gives him such anxiety that he hates it sometimes. Mayhem tries to talk him down from the ledge. At the end of the day, it’s better to be a UFC fighter than a Starbucks barista. Unless you love coffee and hate fighting, in which case it’s worth it just for the employee discount.

Bedford steps in as the voice of reason: “I’ve seen Diego lose in person. He’s definitely beatable. Bryan’s one of the most experienced guys here.”

But now that his fighter is considered such a massive favorite, Bisping bravely offers to bet Miller $100 on the fight. You can tell that Miller doesn’t want any part of this, but since Bisping made the challenge publicly, in front of both fighters and their teammates, Mayhem gamely accepts.

It’s the last night in the house, and the guys are gettin’ cray-cray. Mayhem rides through the house in his undies. A beer-pong tournament ensues. Meanwhile, Brandao is getting pissed off because he actually has to fight the next day and all this ruckus is fucking with his focus. Still, an angel appeared to Brandao in a dream, and told him he’s going back to Brazil to help a lot of families for Christmas. So he’s got that going for him.

“The pressure’s just as much on him,” Bryan says, not sounding too convinced. Meanwhile, Diego is upstairs beating the shit out of a box-spring.

And here it is, TUF 14′s final battle…

Round 1: Brandao opens with high kicks. Caraway shoots in to clinch, Brandao defends and escapes. A big haymaker from Brandao glances off the top of Caraway’s head. Caraway shoots, Brandao sprawls. Big kick from Brandao. Caraway returns fire. Brandao tries a superman punch, Caraway grabs him and pushes him to fence. Brandao knees him off. Brandao lands a leg kick that spins Caraway around. Brandao with a body punch, Caraway with a left hook. Hard leg kick from Brandao. Caraway shoots and misses, Brandao makes him pay with punches. Brandao lands another hard leg kick spins Caraway 360 degrees. Brandao fires an overhand right, Caraway mimics it. Brandao launches a flying knee that drops Caraway. Brandao starts jackhammering punches from the top. Caraway does his best to move around on his back and avoid damage. Caraway finally gets up but he’s still dazed, and gets dropped by another punch. More ground and pound. Caraway is tough as fucking nails and won’t quit. He gets up again, Brandao slugs him and Caraway collapses to his back. Another punch from Brandao finally finds Caraway’s off button. That’s three straight first-round knockouts for Diego Brandao. He’ll meet Dennis Bermudez in the featherweight finals.

The first thing Brandao does after the fight is threaten to smash Bermudez for talking shit the night before, a charge that Bermudez denies. Bisping’s prediction: “Diego kills Bermudez and goes on to be a big star in the UFC.” Now that he’s in the finals, Brandao promises to buy his mom a house, get his brother out of the drogas, and change his life. Seriously? They’re still just paying you guys $10k/$10k, right?

Before it’s time to leave, Dana has the coaches rub their foreheads together in one last face-off before their live fight at the Finale on Saturday. “Welcome to the UFC, dickhead,” Bisping says. “Back to the little leagues after this. Go find another TV show to present.”

“I feel like my whole life has been building up to beat this one bully,” Mayhem says.

Come back to CagePotato.com on Saturday night for our liveblog of the TUF 14 Finale main card. The full lineup looks like this:

Main Card (Spike TV, 8 p.m. ET)
– Michael Bisping vs. Jason Miller (MW)
– John Dodson vs. T.J. Dillashaw (BW)
– Diego Brandao vs. Dennis Bermudez (FW)
– Tony Ferguson vs. Yves Edwards (LW)

Preliminary Card (Facebook)
– Dustin Pague vs. John Albert (BW)
– Louis Gaudinot vs. Johnny Bedford (BW)
– Marcus Brimage vs. Stephen Bass (FW)
– Josh Clopton vs. Steven Siler (FW)
– Bryan Caraway vs. Dustin Neace (FW)
– Roland Delorme vs. Josh Ferguson (BW)

Dodson-Dillashaw, Brandao-Bermudez Lead Completed TUF 14 Finale Pairings

Filed under: UFC, NewsThe Ultimate Fighter season 14 finale is set after Wednesday night’s episode determined the divisional championship pairings to take place at The Pearl at the Palms in Las Vegas on Saturday.

In the bantamweight class, John Dodson…

Filed under: ,

The Ultimate Fighter season 14 finale is set after Wednesday night’s episode determined the divisional championship pairings to take place at The Pearl at the Palms in Las Vegas on Saturday.

In the bantamweight class, John Dodson advanced to the final and will face TJ Dillashaw, while Diego Brandao navigated his way through the featherweight brackets to meet Dennis Bermudez.

Those were two of the eight pairings announced by the UFC following completion of the series.

Dodson faced heat from his Team Miller group all season long for leaking inside information to the opposition, and fellow semifinalist Johnny Bedford vowed revenge, but Dodson had the last laugh with a spectacular second-round KO.

He’ll face Dillashaw in the finals. Dillashaw had previously defeated Dustin Pague to advance.

Brandao notched his third straight first-round knockout victory in advancing to the final, where he’ll be matched up against Dennis Bermudez. Interestingly, Bermudez also finished all three of his TUF fights thus far, two by TKO and one by submission.

Also taking place on the main card, televised on Spike, is a bantamweight bout pitting the colorful Louis Gaudinot and Johnny Bedford. All three of those bouts, along with a lightweight fight with veteran Yves Edwards against season 13 winner Tony Ferguson will support the main event bout between coaches Michael Bisping and Jason “Mayhem” Miller. The full card is below.

Main Card
Michael Bisping vs. Jason “Mayhem” Miller
Diego Brandao vs. Dennis Bermudez
John Dodson vs. T.J. Dillashaw
Yves Edwards vs. Tony Ferguson
Louis Gaudinot vs. Johnny Bedford

Preliminary Card
Stephan Bass vs. Marcus Brimage
John Albert vs. Dustin Pague
Roland Delorme vs. Josh Ferguson
Steven Siler vs. Josh Clopton
Bryan Caraway vs. Dustin Neace

 

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Ultimate Fighter Finale Predictions

Filed under: UFCWill Jason “Mayhem” Miller earn his first UFC victory, or will Michael Bisping give Mayhem the beating he’s been promising? Will Diego Brandao continue to look like a wrecking machine, or will Dennis Bermudez win the featherweight final…

Filed under:

Ultimate Fighter 14 Finale predictionsWill Jason “Mayhem” Miller earn his first UFC victory, or will Michael Bisping give Mayhem the beating he’s been promising? Will Diego Brandao continue to look like a wrecking machine, or will Dennis Bermudez win the featherweight final? And who takes the Ultimate Fighter bantamweight tournament, T.J. Dillashaw or John Dodson? We try to answer those questions as we look at the Ultimate Fighter Finale below.

What: The Ultimate Fighter 14 Finale

When: Saturday, the Spike televised card begins at 8 PM ET.

Where: Palms Resort Casino, Las Vegas

Predictions on the four televised fights below.

Michael Bisping vs. Jason Miller
Miller, the Bully Beatdown host and former Strikeforce and Dream fighter, finally returns to the cage after more than a year away following his victory over Kazushi Sakuraba at Dream 16. A big question facing Miller is whether he’ll come in sharp and in shape, or whether ring rust is an issue.

A victory would put Bisping on a four-fight winning streak, and he has said he thinks he’s in the hunt for a middleweight title shot if he gets that fourth win in a row. Realistically, that’s not going to happen: Even if he beats Mayhem, he’d need at least one more win before the UFC would give him a shot at Anderson Silva.

But a win would solidify Bisping’s place in the middleweight Top 10, and I think this is Bisping’s fight. I don’t see him finishing Mayhem, but I do think his wrestling and his boxing are good enough that he should control the fight standing or on the ground, and he’ll win a decision.
Pick: Bisping

Dennis Bermudez vs. Diego Brandao
If there’s anyone from this season of The Ultimate Fighter who has the potential to become a breakout star it’s Brandao, who has looked absolutely terrorizing in winning all of his fights this season. Brandao has said Wanderlei Silva is his favorite fighter, and he looks a lot like a young Axe Murderer: Brandao doesn’t waste any time in going on the attack and looking for a knockout.

Can Bermudez avoid being Brandao’s latest victim? I don’t think so. It’s true that Bermudez has a background as a college wrestler, and if Brandao has a weakness it’s his wrestling. But I don’t think Bermudez is going to be able to withstand the barrage of strikes that Brandao is sure to go after him with. I like Brandao to win by TKO.
Pick: Brandao

T.J. Dillashaw vs. John Dodson
In the bantamweight final, we have a couple of good wrestlers who train with a couple of good camps: Dillashaw is part of Team Alpha Male, and Dodson is part of Team Greg Jackson. I think both of these guys have more sophisticated, complete games than we usually see from Ultimate Fighter contestants.

The advantage Dillashaw has is his height, reach, size and strength: He’s a good-sized bantamweight, while Dodson is a small 135-pounder and would be fighting at 125 pounds if the UFC had a flyweight class. If Dillashaw can exploit his reach advantage standing up and out-muscle Dodson from the top position if the fight goes to the ground, Dillashaw can win.

But I think Dodson’s experience edge is big here: He’s been fighting professionally since 2004 and has an 11-5 record. Dillashaw only started fighting in 2010 and has a 4-0 record. Dodson is going to be a lot more confident and at ease in the biggest fight of both their careers, and I think Dodson will execute his game plan well and win a decision.
Pick: Dodson

Tony Ferguson vs. Yves Edwards
Ferguson won the last season of The Ultimate Fighter and then looked outstanding in his first fight after that, brutalizing Aaron Riley at UFC 135. The 35-year-old Edwards, who has fought all over the place in a 15-year career, is 41-17-1 and is a step up in competition for Ferguson. This is not an easy fight for Ferguson at all.

But it’s a fight that I think Ferguson should win, because his punching power will test the somewhat suspect chin of Edwards. In fact, I like Ferguson to win this fight in spectacular fashion and add a highlight reel knockout to his growing resume.
Pick: Ferguson

 

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The Ultimate Fighter Season 14 Results

Filed under: UFCSeason 14 of The Ultimate Fighter is in the books, with the two fights on Saturday night’s Ultimate Fighter Finale determining this season’s winners.

In the featherweight Finale, Diego Brandao will face Dennis Bermudez. In the bantamwe…

Filed under:

The Ultimate Fighter season 14 resultsSeason 14 of The Ultimate Fighter is in the books, with the two fights on Saturday night’s Ultimate Fighter Finale determining this season’s winners.

In the featherweight Finale, Diego Brandao will face Dennis Bermudez. In the bantamweight Finale, T.J. Dillashaw will face John Dodson. (The main event at the Ultimate Fighter Finale will be Michael Bisping vs. Jason “Mayhem” Miller in the fight between the coaches.)

How did Brandao, Bermudez, Dillashaw and Dodson get to the Finale? The full Ultimate Fighter Season 14 results are below.

Episode 10
John Dodson beat Johnny Bedford by second-round TKO (punches)
Diego Brandao beat Bryan Caraway by first-round TKO (punches)

Episode 9
T.J Dillashaw beat Dustin Pague by unanimous decision

Episode 8
Dennis Bermudez beat Akira Corassani by first-round submission (guillotine choke)

Episode 7
TJ Dillashaw beat Roland Delorme by second-round submission (rear-naked choke)

Episode 6
John Dodson beat John Albert by unanimous decision
Diego Brandao beat Steven Siler by first-round knockout (punches)

Episode 5
Akira Corassani beat Dustin Neace by majority decision

Episode 4
Dennis Bermudez beat Stephan Bass by second-round TKO (punches)
Dustin Pague beat Louis Gaudinot by second-round submission (rear-naked choke)

Episode 3
Johnny Bedford beat Josh Ferguson by unanimous decision

Episode 2
Bryan Caraway beat Marcus Brimage by second-round submission (rear-naked choke)

Episode 1
Josh Ferguson beat Casey Dyer by first-round knockout (punches)
Diego Brandao beat Jesse Newell by first-round knockout (punches)
John Dodson beat Brandon Merkt by first-round TKO (punches)
Dennis Bermudez beat Jimmie Rivera by second-round TKO (punches)
Roland Delorme beat B.J. Ferguson by first-round submission (triangle choke)
Marcus Brimage beat Bryson Wailehua-Hansen by second-round TKO (punches)
Johnny Bedford beat Carson Beebe by first-round submission (guillotine choke)
Dustin Pague beat Tateki Matsuda by majority decision
Louis Gaudinot beat Paul McVeigh by third-round TKO (punches)
Bryan Caraway beat Eric Mariott by unanimous decision
Dustin Neace beat Josh Clopton by unanimous decision
TJ Dillashaw beat Matt Jaggers by first-round TKO (punches)
Steven Siler beat Micah Miller by third-round submission (guillotine)
John Albert beat Orville Smith by first-round submission (rear naked choke)
Stephan Bass beat Karsten Lenjoint by second-round submission (triangle choke)
Akira Corassani beat Brian Pearman by first-round knockout(punches)

 

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‘TUF 14? Episode 6 Recap: Michael Bisping, Most Misunderstood Fighter in the UFC

(Brandao vs. Siler. Fight starts at the 1:09 mark. Props: IronForgesIron)

After the fiasco that followed the Akira/Neace fight last week, Team Mayhem coach Ryan Parsons wants to give Michael Bisping a piece of his mind. “You’re the kind of guy that can’t keep his motherfucking mouth shut,” Parsons tells him. “Which is why you’re the most hated fighter in the UFC. I get it now.”

“I earn a lot more money than you, motherfucker,” Bisping says, clearly a 1%’er.

“Go spit on somebody,” Parsons says. And so on. Bisping feels that Team Miller should take their loss like men, and that Parsons should fuck off.

The next fight has already been announced as Diego Brandao (Bisping’s #1 featherweight) vs. Steven Siler (Miller’s #4). Siler thinks that people don’t believe in his skills, but Team Bisping isn’t taking him lightly, especially because Brandao’s cardio is a little lacking during practice. Still, Bisping is excited to see what the half-crazy Brazilian can do.

And awww, Jason Miller’s dog is at the weigh-ins.


(Brandao vs. Siler. Fight starts at the 1:09 mark. Props: IronForgesIron)

After the fiasco that followed the Akira/Neace fight last week, Team Mayhem coach Ryan Parsons wants to give Michael Bisping a piece of his mind. “You’re the kind of guy that can’t keep his motherfucking mouth shut,” Parsons tells him. “Which is why you’re the most hated fighter in the UFC. I get it now.”

“I earn a lot more money than you, motherfucker,” Bisping says, clearly a 1%’er.

“Go spit on somebody,” Parsons says. And so on. Bisping feels that Team Miller should take their loss like men, and that Parsons should fuck off.

The next fight has already been announced as Diego Brandao (Bisping’s #1 featherweight) vs. Steven Siler (Miller’s #4). Siler thinks that people don’t believe in his skills, but Team Bisping isn’t taking him lightly, especially because Brandao’s cardio is a little lacking during practice. Still, Bisping is excited to see what the half-crazy Brazilian can do.

And awww, Jason Miller’s dog is at the weigh-ins.

So let’s get to know the fighters a little better. Diego’s father died when he was young. On his deathbed, he asked Diego to take care of the family. And so, Diego did “horrible shit” to make money for his family. He sold drugs, never went to school, etc., but eventually got into MMA in order to avoid dying on the street. Siler really misses his girlfriend. Advantage: Diego.

Let’s just get this over with…

Round 1: It’s a classic gong-and-dash, with Diego sprinting at Siler for a flying knee off the bell. It misses, but he throws a follow-up overhand right that lands flush. They trade leg kicks, then punches. Diego is a little wild, as advertised. Diego lands another overhand right. He fires another flying knee then swarms with power punches until he finds Siler’s off-button. Siler never had a chance. Diego Brandao is in the semi-finals, and it only took him 30 seconds to get there.

Dana White observes that the whole room went silent after Brandao’s TKO victory. Diego put the featherweights on notice. The score now sits at 4-2, Team Miller.

Like a true sportsman, Bisping follows Miller back to the prep-rooms, gloating the whole time. ”I don’t understand what makes Michael such an asshole,” Miller tells us. “Possibly he has a small penis, I don’t know, but…he’s a dick.”

There are two more bantamweight fights left, and Team Bisping debates how they want to arrange things. It’s assumed that John Dodson (Miller’s #1 BW) is a much tougher fight than Roland Delorme (Miller’s #4 BW). So do they use TJ Dillashaw to take out Dodson, or give him the easy fight to ensure his advancement to the semis. It’s clear that Dillashaw wants the easy path, which bothers Josh Ferguson: “If TJ’s so badass, why don’t he prove it and fight John right away, and not be a pussy about it?”

Complicating things is the fact that Roland’s foot has swollen up mysteriously, and he might have a staph infection. Miller sends him to get it checked out, and tries to keep the situation under wraps.

Bisping finally gets to announce a fight selection, and he uses the opportunity to give the assembled fighters and coaches some constructive suggestions on how not to handle yourself. For example: Don’t shoot for a double-leg takedown when your fight is announced. Take your loss like a man. Don’t attack people after the fight is over. Don’t squirt water on people. My God, it seems to go on forever.

Eventually, Bisping announces John “Prince” Albert (his #3 bantamweight) vs. John Dodson. “He’s practically a member of Team Bisping anyway,” Bisping tells Miller. “He didn’t want to be on your team in the first place.” The general consensus is that Albert is fucked. But hey, it’s all in the game. The last fight, obviously, is TJ Dillashaw vs. Roland Delorme, but Roland isn’t around for the face-off. Still, Miller vows that he’ll be there for the fight.

Team Miller is still treating Dodson like a snitch. But how could you stay mad at that face? Dodson’s energy and humor are melting Mayhem’s heart. His gymnastic antics in the gym are impressive — he’s clearly ultra-talented — but he’s also a bit lazy when pressured. As he explains, fighting’s supposed to be fun, and he can’t help goofing around in practice. But he’ll be serious when it’s time to fight. Which it is…

Round 1: Albert throws a high kick. Dodson barrels in with punches. Body kick Dodson. Head kick Dodson. Inside combo again from Dodson. Albert isn’t using his reach; the tiny man is hitting/running without impunity. Dodson with a teep and body shot. They exchange leg kicks. High kick Dodson. Dodson lands a punch from clinch, tosses Albert down, and swarms on him when he gets to his feet. Albert survives the assault and drags Dodson to the mat. Dodson transitions to top position. Albert escapes, gets to his feet. A pair of jabs from Albert land, then a Brazilian kick. Knee to the body from Dodson. Body kick from Albert. They trade punches. Dodson with a head kick and a body kick. Albert with a teep. Dodson returns a body kick. He sticks and moves, a body kick followed by a punch. Albert grabs on in the closing seconds, but Dodson shrugs him off and slugs him with hammerfists to the bell. John Dodson takes the first round easy.

Round 2: Dodson opens with a leg kick. He slips to the mat and gets clipped in the balls, but shrugs it off. Albert lands a body kick. Dodson attacks with punches, working the body. Leg kick Albert, head kick Dodson. Dodson brushes Albert back with punches. Albert jabbing, then a kick to the body as Dodson begins to slow down. Albert tries to grab Dodson’s back but immediately loses the position and Dodson is on top. Albert escapes. Dodson comes in to clinch, Albert flops to his back, Dodson disengages. Dodson punches his leg. Body kick Albert. Albert puts his hands on hips for a split-second, looking to suck some air, and almost gets tagged for it, but he pulls it together and lands a jab. Dodson jumps in and slams Albert down in the closing seconds. Albert looks for a triangle from the bottom but there’s not enough time.

John Dodson wins by unanimous decision (20-18 x 3), but it’s obvious that he coasted throguh that second round. Dodson says he “cheated his way to the semis,” though I still don’t understand how his matchup-leaking benefitted himself.

John Albert is despondent, and cries at the thought of going back to working. “I wanted this to be my life,” he says.

Bisping comes by to congratulate Miller, pretending to be the bigger man, but it doesn’t last. “You won one,” he says. (Actually, it’s five now, but we already know that math isn’t Bisping’s strong suit.) Miller ignores Bisping, standing with his back turned to the Count. “Back off to Bully Beatdown,” Bisping says, walking away. “Well, I know one bully,” Bisping says. And at this point, I think most of us want to see that bully get what’s coming to him.