(Baby Saku – Already cooler than you or I at age 1)
If the sport of MMA continues to grow in popularity, decades from now there will be legions of fans raised only on the UFC who will have no idea who Kazushi Sakuraba was and is. I’ll feel sorry for them.
To date, Sakuraba is the greatest and perhaps bravest fighter to have come out of Japan in the sport’s history. He became a super star while fighting for the defunct Pride Fighting Championships.
Sakuraba’s prime warring days took place before an appropriate weight class came into existence for him and as a result, the natural welterweight fought light heavyweights and heavy weights. Usually, he beat them.
Sakuraba would, and sadly still does, fight anyone, anywhere and always does so in exciting and unrelenting fashion. He is a jester-samurai if there ever was one, quick with a Kimura shoulder lock or smile. Sakuraba combines excellent wrestling with dynamic submissions and effective stand up striking.
In recent years, Sakuraba has fought on past his health and has taken brutal beatings. Though they make us cringe, they do not and cannot possibly diminish this champion’s legacy.
Win, lose or draw, from lightweight to heavyweight, from Gracies and Wanderlei to “Rampage”, Belfort, Nogueira and “Cro Cop”, no one that has ever gone into the ring or cage with Kazushi Sakuraba has left it without respecting him. Enjoy the highlight videos of Sakuraba and always remember, where there’s a will, there’s a way.
More highlight videos after the jump.
(Baby Saku – Already cooler than you or I at age 1)
If the sport of MMA continues to grow in popularity, decades from now there will be legions of fans raised only on the UFC who will have no idea who Kazushi Sakuraba was and is. I’ll feel sorry for them.
To date, Sakuraba is the greatest and perhaps bravest fighter to have come out of Japan in the sport’s history. He became a super star while fighting for the defunct Pride Fighting Championships.
Sakuraba’s prime warring days took place before an appropriate weight class came into existence for him and as a result, the natural welterweight fought light heavyweights and heavy weights. Usually, he beat them.
Sakuraba would, and sadly still does, fight anyone, anywhere and always does so in exciting and unrelenting fashion. He is a jester-samurai if there ever was one, quick with a Kimura shoulder lock or smile. Sakuraba combines excellent wrestling with dynamic submissions and effective stand up striking.
In recent years, Sakuraba has fought on past his health and has taken brutal beatings. Though they make us cringe, they do not and cannot possibly diminish this champion’s legacy.
Win, lose or draw, from lightweight to heavyweight, from Gracies and Wanderlei to “Rampage”, Belfort, Nogueira and “Cro Cop”, no one that has ever gone into the ring or cage with Kazushi Sakuraba has left it without respecting him. Enjoy the highlight videos of Sakuraba and always remember, where there’s a will, there’s a way.
CagePotato reader Andrew K. sent this to us with the brief message “The newbs deserve to know.” And indeed, they do. Above is part one of a new highlight series featuring the best moments of PRIDE’s early days, mostly soundtracked by obscure video-game music. (It’s amazing how well that works together.) Give it a look and you will witness…
– Gary Goodridge, back when he was still one of the scariest men to ever enter a cage or ring.
– Rickson Gracie armbarring Nobuhiko Takada on two separate occasions.
– Kazushi Sakuraba vs. Carlos Newton, aka The Greatest Grappling Exhibition in MMA History.
CagePotato reader Andrew K. sent this to us with the brief message “The newbs deserve to know.” And indeed, they do. Above is part one of a new highlight series featuring the best moments of PRIDE’s early days, mostly soundtracked by obscure video-game music. (It’s amazing how well that works together.) Give it a look and you will witness…
– Gary Goodridge, back when he was still one of the scariest men to ever enter a cage or ring.
– Rickson Gracie armbarring Nobuhiko Takada on two separate occasions.
– Kazushi Sakuraba vs. Carlos Newton, aka The Greatest Grappling Exhibition in MMA History.
For nearly four years, the Japanese MMA promotion DREAM did its best to carry the mantle of PRIDE, presenting the same mix of top international talent and freak-show comic relief, all inside of a traditional ring, rather than a filthy American cage. But we were hit with some sad news this weekend as multiple sources reported that DREAM has ceased day-to-day operations, and will no longer be producing events. So as we like to do when great MMA traditions die, let’s take a look back at some of the fights that made this promotion so unique, so entertaining, and so balls-out insane…
Though Kazushi Sakuraba’s fame was partly based on his willingness to absorb damage from larger fighters, the level of savagery that Melvin Manhoef inflicted on him during their meeting at the Yokohama Arena probably should have convinced Saku to walk away from the sport. The moment when Manhoef drags Saku away from the ropes by his leg so he can dive in to continue the assault (see the 2:43 mark above) remains one of DREAM’s most indelible and brutal moments.
#7: Shinya Aoki vs. dumb-ass gaijin DREAM.7, 3/8/09
Another tradition that DREAM inherited from PRIDE? Absurd mismatches. At the time of this fight, Aoki was widely considered to be a top-3 lightweight, while Gardner was an obscure 13-7 journeyman who was coming off a loss to Brian Cobb. Aoki’s domination on the mat was no surprise, but the fight became legendary for how it ended. Stuck with Aoki on his back, Gardner took advantage of a brief pause in the action — and the near-silence in the Saitama Super Arena — to wave to the crowd and shout “Hello Japan!” Aoki immediately wrapped up Gardner’s neck and choked him out, causing the crowd to break out in laughter and Bas Rutten to cry “Oh my God it is so dumb! So dumb! Why?!” Some things just can’t be explained, Bas.
(“You’ll never get me Lucky Charms!”)
For nearly four years, the Japanese MMA promotion DREAM did its best to carry the mantle of PRIDE, presenting the same mix of top international talent and freak-show comic relief, all inside of a traditional ring, rather than a filthy American cage. But we were hit with some sad news this weekend as multiple sources reported that DREAM has ceased day-to-day operations, and will no longer be producing events. So as we like to do when great MMA traditions die, let’s take a look back at some of the fights that made this promotion so unique, so entertaining, and so balls-out insane…
Though Kazushi Sakuraba‘s fame was partly based on his willingness to absorb damage from larger fighters, the level of savagery that Melvin Manhoef inflicted on him during their meeting at the Yokohama Arena probably should have convinced Saku to walk away from the sport. The moment when Manhoef drags Saku away from the ropes by his leg so he can dive in to continue the assault (see the 2:43 mark above) remains one of DREAM’s most indelible and brutal moments.
#7: Shinya Aoki vs. dumb-ass gaijin DREAM.7, 3/8/09
Another tradition that DREAM inherited from PRIDE? Absurd mismatches. At the time of this fight, Aoki was widely considered to be a top-3 lightweight, while Gardner was an obscure 13-7 journeyman who was coming off a loss to Brian Cobb. Aoki’s domination on the mat was no surprise, but the fight became legendary for how it ended. Stuck with Aoki on his back, Gardner took advantage of a brief pause in the action — and the near-silence in the Saitama Super Arena — to wave to the crowd and shout “Hello Japan!” Aoki immediately wrapped up Gardner’s neck and choked him out, causing the crowd to break out in laughter and Bas Rutten to cry “Oh my God it is so dumb! So dumb! Why?!” Some things just can’t be explained, Bas.
#6: Marius Zaromskis scores two head-kick KO’s in the same night DREAM.10, 7/20/09
“The Whitemare” had already been drawing hype in Europe as a human highlight-reel when he entered the DREAM Welterweight Grand Prix in 2009, but it was his performance in that tournament which launched him as a worldwide sensation. Between his Street Fighter cosplay and in-ring acrobatics, it was clear we were dealing with a special individual. In the final two rounds of the GP, he met Hayato Sakurai and Jason High on the same night, and knocked them both dead in the first round, one with his left leg, and one with his right. Zaromskis took home the DREAM welterweight belt and did it to another poor bastard three months later.
#5: Jose Canseco is not “Super Hulk” material DREAM.9, 5/26/09
DREAM’s Super Hulk Tournament was a bizarre convergence of veteran freaks, imposing big-men, and an off-his-rocker baseball player who was only there to make guys like Bob Sapp and Hong Man Choi look legitimate by comparison. The opening round featured Canseco vs. Choi, which has to be the most inexplicable pairing in MMA history. Canseco actually lands first with a big overhand right followed by a body kick, but eventually he remembers that he’s just there to collect a paycheck. Canseco grabs his knee at the 1:12 mark to signify that the dive is coming, then falls down after throwing one more kick and gets pounded on for a TKO loss. After the fight, Nick Diaz did his best to shore up the holes in Canseco’s game, but Jose has yet to take the MMA world by storm.
#4: Kazushi Sakuraba vs. Zelg Galesic — back from the dead, once again DREAM.12, 10/25/09
On paper, it’s another dramatic example of Sakuraba’s unbreakable spirit, his resilience, his heart. Much like his infamous 2006 fight against Kestutis Smirnovas, Sakuraba survived a terrifying beating — with Galesic smashing him in the head with blows that would have removed most fighters from consciousness — and went on to win by kneebar. Following this victory, Sakuraba went on a four-fight losing streak, including two losses by arm-triangle choke and a TKO loss to Marius Zaromskis that cost him his ear. But the Galesic fight was Sakuraba’s final triumph…if you really want to call it that.
#3: Gegard Mousasi submits a striker and knocks out a grappler DREAM.6, 9/23/08
Just like Zaromskis, Gegard Mousasi put his name on the map with two first-round stoppages on the same night in a DREAM tournament. His moment came during the final night of their Middleweight Grand Prix in 2008, where he first faced Melvin Manhoef, who was coming off of his previously-mentioned destruction of Sakuraba. Manhoef’s intimidation factor was at an all-time high, but Mousasi out-grappled the Dutch dynamo and secured a triangle choke submission in just 88 seconds. Next, Mousasi faced BJJ stud Ronaldo “Jacare” Souza, who was closing in on a top-ten ranking at middleweight. True to form, Souza put the Armenian Assassin on his back and tried to turn it into a grappling match. Mousasi defended the ground-attacks, kicked Jacare off, then landed a knockout upkick when Jacare tried to dive in with a punch — a wild stoppage, which showcased Mousasi’s versatility and unshakable coolness under pressure.
#2: Shinya Aoki breaks an arm, acts like a dick about it Dynamite!! 2009, 12/31/09
Technically, the 2009 New Year’s Eve show was a co-promotion between DREAM and Sengoku — with a handful of K-1 matches thrown in on the undercard — and featured nine different DREAM vs. Sengoku bouts. For DREAM lightweight champion Shinya Aoki, there was clearly more at stake than just bragging rights. Stepping into the ring with Sengoku champ Mizuto Hirota, the Tobikan Judan wanted to exterminate with extreme prejudice. It took just over a minute for Aoki to prove that Hirota wasn’t on his level. Shattering Hirota’s arm with a hammer-lock was the exclamation point, and sticking his middle finger in Hirota’s face and then at the crowd was the unnecessary bcc to your entire Gmail address book. Aoki’s mounted gogoplata win over Katsuhiko Nagata the previous year seemed downright merciful by comparison.
In May 2008, Eddie Alvarez fought a 15-minute war against Joachim Hansen that had many observers calling it a strong front-runner for Fight of the Year. Two months later, Alvarez topped it. The wild pace, the heart shown by both fighters, the shifts in momentum, and the astounding final sequence (skip to the video’s 7:20 mark) made this match, in my opinion, the single greatest fight in the promotion’s history, and one of the purest examples of the sport that you’ll ever see.
What does it take for a person not to eagerly anticipate the next time one of his favorite fighters competes? When that fighter should have retired years ago due to the damage he’s endured over the years. That’s the way I’ve feel each time Kazushi Sakuraba gets a new match — not with excitement, but with genuine concern for his well-being. The legendary “Gracie Hunter” may be the best MMA fighter the warrior-nation of Japan has ever produced, but he’s lost four fights in a row, hasn’t won a bout since 2009, and has suffered enough beatings for 12 lifetimes. (This guy knows what I’m talking about.)
What makes Saku’s situation worse is that so many of his early losses were the result of savage abuse at the hands of much larger opponents (Wanderlei Silva, Mirko Cro Cop, Ricardo Arona, etc.), leaving him completely broken down at the age of 42. Sakuraba competed just once in 2011 — getting choked out at Dream 17 by unheralded Brazilian prospect Yan Cabral — and has yet to fight this year, while venturing back into pro wrestling just to stay active.
It is now being reported that Sakuraba will return to the ring at Dream’s next event, for a welterweight match against Shinya Aoki. If there’s a silver lining to rolling out Saku for another pay day, it’s that Aoki is foremost a grappler like Sakuraba, so it’s possible that we could see a technical wrestling and Jiu Jitsu match with minimal blunt strikes hitting the legend. Also, Bloody Elbow’s Anton Tabuena is reporting that the fight, now signed according to him, could be Sakuraba’s final MMA appearance.
(Kazushi Sakuraba during his PRIDE glory days in 2005.)
What does it take for a person not to eagerly anticipate the next time one of his favorite fighters competes? When that fighter should have retired years ago due to the damage he’s endured over the years. That’s the way I’ve feel each time Kazushi Sakuraba gets a new match — not with excitement, but with genuine concern for his well-being. The legendary “Gracie Hunter” may be the best MMA fighter the warrior-nation of Japan has ever produced, but he’s lost four fights in a row, hasn’t won a bout since 2009, and has suffered enough beatings for 12 lifetimes. (This guy knows what I’m talking about.)
What makes Saku’s situation worse is that so many of his early losses were the result of savage abuse at the hands of much larger opponents (Wanderlei Silva, Mirko Cro Cop, Ricardo Arona, etc.), leaving him completely broken down at the age of 42. Sakuraba competed just once in 2011 — getting choked out at Dream 17 by unheralded Brazilian prospect Yan Cabral — and has yet to fight this year, while venturing back into pro wrestling just to stay active.
It is now being reported that Sakuraba will return to the ring at Dream’s next event, for a welterweight match against Shinya Aoki. If there’s a silver lining to rolling out Saku for another pay day, it’s that Aoki is foremost a grappler like Sakuraba, so it’s possible that we could see a technical wrestling and Jiu Jitsu match with minimal blunt strikes hitting the legend. Also, Bloody Elbow’s Anton Tabuena is reporting that the fight, now signed according to him, could be Sakuraba’s final MMA appearance.
Aoki is coming off of a TKO loss to Eddie Alvarez at Bellator 66 last month, but before that he was on a seven-fight win streak and is still considered a top fighter in the sport. Here’s hoping that Sakuraba makes it out of the Aoki fight without any new concussions.
And, just so as not to be a total Debbie Downer, enjoy some prime-form Sakuraba in the highlight video below:
We have a very, very special guest on this week’s installment of the CagePotato Roundtable: UFC light-heavyweight legend Stephan Bonnar, who has agreed to join the CP gang for a spirited debate on the most epic rivalries in MMA history — something he knows a thing or two about first-hand. Follow Stephan on Twitter @stephanbonnar, buy some of his t-shirts at PunchBuddies.com, and if you have a suggestion for a future Roundtable topic, please send it to [email protected]. Now then…
Stephan Bonnar
I’m here to talk about MMA’s most intense rivalries. Catering to the casual fight fan first, I’ll start with the most obvious one. (I know it’s not fair to you hardcore fans, but no one cares about you. We know that you will tune in no matter what. I still appreciate you, you obsessed lunatics, so just stay tuned.)
Chael Sonnen vs Anderson Silva. Chael recently received his PHD in the art of trash talking (TT), and was also the valedictorian of his class. He took TT to new heights. His words ripped not only through his adversaries intestines, but the intestines of his counterpart’s entire country. Trust me though, this brilliant TT’er has an outrageous yet adept plan to convert the hate of some of those countrymen to love and acceptance. Yes, I have inside info…but no, I won’t spoil Chael’s next scheme. Take it from me, “You’ll see what’s up Chael’s sleeve!”
If Chael was valedictorian of his class, then Anderson was the class buffoon. Anderson’s knowledge of the English language quickly evaporates when it’s his turn to retort to some of Chael’s verbal onslaught. This rivalry has had the most one-sided trashtalking in the history of the sport. When it comes to slanging rhetoric, is Anderson worse than Joe Frazier was against the great Ali? I’d enthusiastically say so. I’d also have to say that Chael would be able to hang with “The Greatest” when it came to sparring with verbs. Even in his native tongue, Anderson fails to even so much as hold Chael’s jock strap. Landslide victory for Chael in this event. And for those of you that say talking trash doesn’t do shit, I beg to differ. It has increased my anxiousness ten fold in anticipation of seeing this “rivalry” settled with extreme violence.
We have a very, very special guest on this week’s installment of the CagePotato Roundtable: UFC light-heavyweight legend Stephan Bonnar, who has agreed to join the CP gang for a spirited debate on the most epic rivalries in MMA history — something he knows a thing or two about first-hand. Follow Stephan on Twitter @stephanbonnar, buy some of his t-shirts at PunchBuddies.com, and if you have a suggestion for a future Roundtable topic, please send it to [email protected]. Now then…
Stephan Bonnar
I’m here to talk about MMA’s most intense rivalries. Catering to the casual fight fan first, I’ll start with the most obvious one. (I know it’s not fair to you hardcore fans, but no one cares about you. We know that you will tune in no matter what. I still appreciate you, you obsessed lunatics, so just stay tuned.)
Chael Sonnen vs Anderson Silva. Chael recently received his PHD in the art of trash talking (TT), and was also the valedictorian of his class. He took TT to new heights. His words ripped not only through his adversaries intestines, but the intestines of his counterpart’s entire country. Trust me though, this brilliant TT’er has an outrageous yet adept plan to convert the hate of some of those countrymen to love and acceptance. Yes, I have inside info…but no, I won’t spoil Chael’s next scheme. Take it from me, “You’ll see what’s up Chael’s sleeve!”
If Chael was valedictorian of his class, then Anderson was the class buffoon. Anderson’s knowledge of the English language quickly evaporates when it’s his turn to retort to some of Chael’s verbal onslaught. This rivalry has had the most one-sided trashtalking in the history of the sport. When it comes to slanging rhetoric, is Anderson worse than Joe Frazier was against the great Ali? I’d enthusiastically say so. I’d also have to say that Chael would be able to hang with “The Greatest” when it came to sparring with verbs. Even in his native tongue, Anderson fails to even so much as hold Chael’s jock strap. Landslide victory for Chael in this event. And for those of you that say talking trash doesn’t do shit, I beg to differ. It has increased my anxiousness ten fold in anticipation of seeing this “rivalry” settled with extreme violence.
Ok, you hardcore fans. Your time has come. The next rivalry? Tom Atencio vs Dana White. Even though the “Affliction” fight league sunk, the animosity between Affliction CEO Tom Atencio and Dana White managed to stay afloat. To fill you in, Tom Atencio lobbied for an MMA fight with UFC pres Dana White, and some decent TT’ing between the two had been exchanged as well. To be honest with you, I WOULD PAY fifty bucks easily to see this scrap. It is a very interesting match-up. For those of you that don’t know, Atencio has MMA experience. Style wise, I see this fight being a carbon copy of Cung Le vs Wanderlei Silva. With his Muay Thai background, Atencio would be launching a kick-heavy attack to Dana’s legs and body to slow him down and set him up for the kill. In Wanderlei-like ferocity, Dana would be plunging forward with his heavy hands and crisp boxing, relentlessly trying to find the chin of Atencio. Just like with Le vs Silva, Dana would eventually land and land big, sending Atencio into stage 4 R.E.M. sleep with his favorite hook-straight, hook-straight combo. Tito sitting cage side will have just exhaled a big sigh of relief, knowing that he made the right choice in pulling out of his fight with Dana. After all, it is no secret that when it came to boxing, Dana used to give Tito a working over in the gym.
The co-main-event on this card, would feature a relatively new & exciting rivalry: Me vs Donald Jr. and Eric Trump. The interesting handicap in this fight, is that even though I am fighting both of these pussies at the same time, I am only allowed to use one weapon in the entire arsenal of techniques in mixed martial arts….my jab! For a look at how this beef got started, click here on the link under Trump proudly holding up a dead elephants tail.
Before the rest of you chime in with your opinions, let me just tell you that they’re all wrong. Don’t believe me? Ask yourself this: Has any other rivalry in MMA ever been waged against an entire family? Has any other rivalry been the basis for the fighter’s nickname? Has any other rivalry ever included a war of attrition so grandiose in scope, so insane in nature, that it rivaled, no, surpassed the Battle of Thermopylae?
Kazushi Sakuraba vs. The Gracies did.
Simply put, no rivalry will ever be greater than Sakuraba vs. the Gracie family because no one will ever mean as much to MMA as Sakuraba and the Gracie family. Try and argue this point. I dare you. Though their war has been only existed on paper a mere 12 years, every true fan of MMA, or ancient world history for that matter, knows that it dates back much further than that. To feudal times…725 B.C. to be exact. But that story is for another time; the point is that the Gracies created the fucking game, and Sakuraba managed to beat them at it. All of them.*
When Saku defeated Royler Gracie at PRIDE 8, by technical submission nonetheless, the MMA world nearly lost its damn mind. The Gracies were the Gods of the sport, and watching one of them go down was equivalent to watching God die before our very eyes. No, I’m not being dramatic, it was truly that disorienting. And since the Gracie family is closer than your average human centipede, they understood that from that day forth they would have to regain their family’s honor or die trying. And who understands the trappings of honor better than a descendant of the noble Sakuraba Dynasty? His fight at the PRIDE Grand Prix 2000 Finals, against perhaps the most famous Gracie of all in Royce, is one of those moments in life that words fall short of describing. It was a 90-minute war. That’s an hour and a half for you dyscalculiacs out there. Sakuraba made Royce quit on the stool after the sixth 15-minute round, and earned the nickname “The Gracie Hunter.” Not only was God dead, but the Devil had raped his corpse and stolen his identity.
Sakuraba then squared off against Renzo Gracie at PRIDE 10, and not only did he win that fight as well, he won in in the exact same fashion as he had the Royler Gracie fight, by snapping his arm like a chicken’s neck. After the fight, Renzo declared that Sakuraba was like, “the Japanese version of the Gracie family.” Not only was God dead, and not only had the Devil raped his corpse, but the Devil had then brought God back to life for just long enough to watch his family beg for their lives. Defeating Ryan Gracie was just the blood icing on the brimstone cake. Sakuraba had nothing left to prove; he had
already claimed his place in the MMA world as the man who killed God.
And that’s why I worship the Devil.
* I do not consider Sakuaraba’s losses to Royce and Ralek legitimate losses. The loss to Royce in their 2007 rematch does not count for obvious reasons, and the man fighting against Ralek was not Kazushi Sakuraba. We all know the real Kazushi Sakuraba died fighting Hedorah back in 2006 after Godzilla had failed.
Ben Goldstein
Once upon a time, there was a big silverback gorilla who ruled over a patch of land deep in the forest. He came from far away, and had taken power by bullying the natives. After a while, it became accepted that this silverback would be the Alpha until he grew old or left the forest. Challenging him was considered a suicidal act.
Except this rival was different from the others that came before him. Instead of cowering away and humbly accepting his second-class status, he licked his wounds and waited. He waited an entire year, and when he felt strong enough he challenged the silverback again. The silverback, offended at the young challenger’s brazenness, dished out the worst beating that the forest had ever seen. “Did he died?“, wondered a nearby gazelle.
The beta-male challenger, who we’ll call “Q” from now on, survived the beating and left the silverback’s territory, but vowed to have his revenge, someday, one way or the other. Q traveled the jungles and savannahs until he came upon an eight-sided field ruled by an aging alpha named Chuck, who Q had dominated in the past. The timing was perfect. Q deposed him, but the field was a shark tank, full of contenders who could be champ on any given day, and Q’s reign didn’t last long. Still, it wasn’t a bad place to live if you were a gorilla, and Q decided to remain there.
One day, he saw his old friend the silverback lumbering into the eight-sided field. The scars near the silverback’s eyes suggested he had been forced out of his old land. He was past his prime, no longer worth fearing. Q approached him. “Remember me, motherfucker?” Q said. The silverback squinted. It took a minute for him to make the connection — there had been so many rivals over the years — but then he remembered the young up-and-comer who wouldn’t bow down, and shoved him backwards. It was on, son.
The silverback carried many legends with him, and all the males gathered around to see what would happen. “Guaranteed fight-of-the-night,” said a toucan who nobody liked. But it actually started kind of slow, with both enemies circling around each other, tentative. Finally the silverback rushed in, throwing those nasty hooks that made him famous. Q ducked and slipped, letting the punches bounce off his fists, then came back with a left hook of his own, loaded with five years of pent-up hostility, all the pain and disappointment of being subjugated by his rival.
Quinton Jackson knocked out Wanderlei Silva at 3:21 of round 1 at UFC 92, December 27th, 2008. Standing over his fallen foe, Q howled, howled, howled, and the animals of the eight-sided field shrieked into the night in savage approval.
The battle is nothing new, but the guns are getting bigger.
It seems like only yesteryear that Dana White‘s struggles with the information super-highway were limited to news leaks and damage control. Whenever those pesky bloggers scooped his big news, Dana stuck to a rigid formula: deny the reports, then deny them some more, and continue to do so until he was left with no choice but to confirm the story.
Unable to control what news journalists ran with, D-Dub tried to limit their access to all news, cutting some reporters off from access to the UFC at large. Veteran members of the MMA media were blacklisted, with even the most responsible reporters in the business getting caught in the crossfire.
Before laughing at our misfortune, take note that some of you are in the crosshairs as well. Zuffa’s most recent battle has been with the pirates who steal its pay-per-views and the fans that stream them. Though they’ve had mixedresults in the courtroom, Zuffa’s aggressive litigation may be enough to scare fans away from the Internet’s countless illegal streams.
One man who isn’t fucking scared of the Internet is Dana White. After publicly supporting the SOPA bill, Zuffa drew the ire of hacktivist organization Anonymous. The group first targeted the UFC by taking over its website. Following taunts and challenges from Dana, the group then attacked the man himself, posting some of his sensitive personal and financial information online. SOPA may not live on, but Dana’s war with the Internet has only just begun.
In an illustrious fifteen-year career, Tito Ortiz managed to steal the limelight long before his star rose and well after it burned out. For nearly two decades, the “Huntington Beach Bad Boy” has drawn the ire of fans and fighters alike. When you think about what makes a great rivalry, you immediately think passion, competitiveness, and entertainment. Like no other, Ortiz has done that and much, much more as he created some of the most memorable feuds in MMA history and his list of adversaries include, but is not limited to, Ken Shamrock, Chuck Liddell, Dana White, and Jenna Jameson.
The Ortiz/Shamrock trilogy helped the UFC avoid bankruptcy, putting $50-60 million (by the estimation of unbiased financial reporter Ken Shamrock) into the UFC’s coffers. The former light-heavyweight champion bested “The World’s Most Dangerous Man” on all three occasions and rubbed salt in Ken’s wounds with his explicit insults to him and his Lion’s Den comrades.
Like all rivalries, The People vs. Tito Ortiz isnot without each side facing difficulties, and Ortiz took his share of beatings at the hands of Chuck “The Iceman” Liddell. If there were ever a time to borrow a line from WWE, before the whole Rashad Evans/Jon Jones thing went down, this is what we mean when we say fighters are “Good Friends, Better Enemies.” This beef was so epic it even got its own DVD so we can relive the highlights for years to come.
Just like the Yankees/Red Sox hatred has spilled into the streets and isn’t limited to just the actual players of a given team, UFC President Dana White has been an integral part of the Tito Ortiz story. The back and forth between White and Ortiz was enough to keep the media abuzz in between droughts of live action. The verbal sparring was just short of amazing; make of that what you will. Not many fighters have the brass balls to set their crosshairs on the boss, but he did…and then ducked out of a boxing match to settle the score like a man. Speaking of being a man, real men don’t hit women — or do they, then say it was all just a big misunderstanding? No one is safe in the prolific rivalry of Tito Ortiz and The People, not even camera phones.
Anthony Gannon
Mixed martial arts is a grappling-centric sport, with wrestling and Brazilian Jiu Jitsu reigning as the dominant forces. So it’s only natural that a rivalry would arise as to which style is the premiere base for MMA. As with all rivalries, the goal is to establish dominion. It doesn’t matter if it’s the two trashiest girls in school battling over who’s queen slut, the two toughest kids on the block fighting over who’s king shit, or more public feuds – such as McDonald’s vs. Burger King slugging it out over whose disgusting food can cause more cases of diabetes and heart disease. In a rivalry, someone’s got to lose.
The wrestling vs. BJJ rivalry is no different.
BJJ was without question the first dominant martial art in MMA. Royce Gracie opened up a can of chute burro on the martial arts world. He tapped out eleven dudes in a row to win the tournaments at UFCs 1, 2, and 4. He didn’t even have the decency to offer his conquests the choice between jelly and syrup. He just came in and established himself as the Triple OG. It took a few years for guys to catch on, but eventually it got to the point where a fighter could play the ground game with a BJJ pimp and not head home that night minus a limb. It wasn’t advisable — still isn’t, but it’s doable. Look to UFC 5, where Ken Shamrock took Royce Gracie down and laid on top of him for 36 agonizing minutes. He did less in the prone position than the girl who’s aptly known around my neighborhood as “Stump,” and the UFC’s first “superfight” was a horrifying spectacle, but it showed that a wrestler could survive a BJJ guy’s guard with a little knowledge of how to defend submissions.
What started as an opportunistic endeavor to introduce Gracie Jiu Jitsu to America spiraled into the evolutionary beast we know as modern MMA. Enter wrestlus dominus onto the scene — a particularly gruesome species with a nasty disposition and real fucked up ears. Gnarled appearance notwithstanding, the ability to dictate where a fight takes place is the wrestler’s greatest gift. It’s that ability that makes wrestling a dominant base. And the benefits for the sport have been amazing. Both styles have brought out the best in one another. Would Jose Aldo be the dominant champion he is had he never developed his stellar takedown defense? Would Ben Henderson still have a head to grow his gigantic hairdo on if he didn’t learn how to escape from a sickeningly deep choke? Just as homo erectus was forced by necessity to construct more advanced tools and weapons to have a fighting chance against the ungodly creatures that existed back then, fighters too were forced to evolve, and wrestling and BJJ were at the forefront of that expansion.
But what makes wrestling the dominant base is how the fights are judged. With few exceptions the guy in top position wins the fight, even if he’s not doing much. That may suck to those of us who love an active guard, but the scoring system is what it is. So in my most humble opinion, and with tremendous regard and respect for BJJ, wrestling must be given the edge in this rivalry. And if you don’t like it, I cordially invite you to suckle on my bountiful gluteus.
It’s fitting that Stephan Bonnar is our guest this week. Odds are pretty high that if you’re reading this article, you became an MMA fan after watching the first season of The Ultimate Fighter. And while Bonnar’s classic battle against Forrest Griffin may have sparked your interest in the sport, Chuck Liddell’s rivalry with Randy Couture is what made you stay.
Not only were the two UFC Hall of Famers in the primes of their careers for this rivalry, but they were two of the most popular, charismatic fighters in the sport. When UFC 52 shattered live gate and PPV buy records, it wasn’t exactly because of Lindland vs. Lutter. It was entirely because of all the new fans who wanted to see Chuck Liddell fight Randy Couture. And just in case you don’t believe it, their third and final bout at UFC 57 — which featured Brandon Vera vs. Justin Eilers as the co-main event, mind you — shattered those records yet again.
This is the rivalry that made it cool to tell your friends that you liked MMA. These are the athletes that virtually every fan since has listed among their favorite fighters. This is what brought MMA into the mainstream and kept it there — what more is there to say?
(In the heart of the child who made it, the Super HLUK belt is the most prestigious title on the planet.)
CagePotato Roundtable is our new recurring column in which the CP writing staff and some of our friends all get together to debate an MMA-related topic. Joining us this week is MiddleEasy.com founder Zeus Tipado, who was kind enough to smoke an entire bag of PCP and channel the spirit of Wallid Ismail. If you have a suggestion for a future Roundtable column, send it to [email protected]. This week’s topic: Who’s your favorite MMA fighter to never win a major title?
Ben Goldstein
We take personality for granted these days. Everywhere you look, the MMA ranks are packed with shameless self-promoters, aspiring comedians, unrepentant assholes, and assorted clown-men. But in the UFC’s infancy, fighters tended to come in two types: Stoic (see Royce Gracie, Dan Severn) and certifiably insane ( see Joe Son, Harold Howard). David “Tank” Abbott changed all that. He entered the UFC with a fully-fledged persona, and managed to stay in character through his entire career. Simply put, he was the UFC’s first villain, and he played that role more effectively than anyone has since.
Heralded as a “pit fighter” — a term invented by UFC promoter Art Davie — Tank’s martial art of choice was hitting guys in the head really hard, which he did while wearing the sort of fingerless gloves that soon become industry standard. It’s difficult to overstate the impact that Tank’s debut at UFC 6 had on a 14-year-old Ben Goldstein as I was watching the pay-per-view at my friend Josh’s house. It wasn’t just that Abbott starched John Matua in a mere 18 seconds, or that Matua’s body seized up when his head hit the canvas. It’s that Tank reacted to the knockout by mimic-ing Matua’s stiffened pose. Tank actually mocked John Matua for having a seizure. Ruthless! And how about his destruction of Steve Nelmark at the Ultimate Ultimate ’96, which had to be the first “oh shit is that guy dead?” moment in UFC history. Tank was a living reminder that the UFC was very real, and very dangerous.
(In the heart of the child who made it, the Super HLUK belt is the most prestigious title on the planet.)
CagePotato Roundtable is our new recurring column in which the CP writing staff and some of our friends all get together to debate an MMA-related topic. Joining us this week is MiddleEasy.com founder Zeus Tipado, who was kind enough to smoke an entire bag of PCP and channel the spirit of Wallid Ismail. If you have a suggestion for a future Roundtable column, send it to [email protected]. This week’s topic: Who’s your favorite MMA fighter to never win a major title?
Ben Goldstein
We take personality for granted these days. Everywhere you look, the MMA ranks are packed with shameless self-promoters, aspiring comedians, unrepentant assholes, and assorted clown-men. But in the UFC’s infancy, fighters tended to come in two types: Stoic (see Royce Gracie, Dan Severn) and certifiably insane ( see Joe Son, Harold Howard). David “Tank” Abbott changed all that. He entered the UFC with a fully-fledged persona, and managed to stay in character through his entire career. Simply put, he was the UFC’s first villain, and he played that role more effectively than anyone has since.
Heralded as a “pit fighter” — a term invented by UFC promoter Art Davie — Tank’s martial art of choice was hitting guys in the head really hard, which he did while wearing the sort of fingerless gloves that soon become industry standard. It’s difficult to overstate the impact that Tank’s debut at UFC 6 had on a 14-year-old Ben Goldstein as I was watching the pay-per-view at my friend Josh’s house. It wasn’t just that Abbott starched John Matua in a mere 18 seconds, or that Matua’s body seized up when his head hit the canvas. It’s that Tank reacted to the knockout by mimic-ing Matua’s stiffened pose. Tank actually mocked John Matua for having a seizure. Ruthless! And how about his destruction of Steve Nelmark at the Ultimate Ultimate ’96, which had to be the first “oh shit is that guy dead?” moment in UFC history. Tank was a living reminder that the UFC was very real, and very dangerous.
The rise of talented, well-rounded heavyweights in the UFC made Abbott obsolete just as quickly as Nirvana killed Warrant. (Work with me, here.) Violent losses to guys like Vitor Belfort and Pedro Rizzo in 1997-98 led to the end of his first stint in the UFC, and his return five years later — as promising as it looked at the time — ended in three more first-round stoppage losses. Since then, Tank’s career highlights have included getting knocked out by Paul Buentello in Strikeforce, getting knocked out by Kimbo Slice for EliteXC, and taking an unofficial decision win over Scott Ferrozzo in a backyard. His famous beard has gone gray with age, and now Tank Abbott looks exactly like what he is — a faded legend from the old times, an MMA pioneer who deserves your respect even though he never respected anybody.
A lotta guys, they talk alotta bullsheet. They say ‘Wallid, who’s the best guy that never had a…how you say, that never had a belt.’ Guys, they ask me this all the time, man. I say there’s one guy that I remember from Curitiba, Brazil. This guy name Pele, he fight everybody. He’s from the heart of Brazil, the jungle of Brazil — like me. I’m from the Amazon.
Pele fight everybody — he fight Matt Hughes, Pat Miletich, Babalu, Lee Murray, Jake Ellenberger — and he still fighting, man! Pele is still fighting…and winning! This guy no cheeken, he knows! He knows he da best, ya undastand? I told you, I told everybody last time I do interview with Cagea Potato, I say ‘Hey, this guy Pele should be champion.’ I just want everybody to remind — everybody to remember that this guy Pele should be champion.
A long time ago, Pele fought this guy Macaco Patino at the Campeonato Brasileiro de Vale Tudo. These guy, he talk alotta bullsheet. Before the fight me, Macaco, Pele and this guy Stephen Quadros — you know Stephen Quardos? Stephen Quadros was in the room and Macaco has too much cock. He’s too cock, how you say — he cocky. He had alotta guys on the side, talk alotta bullsheet. Macaco pick up a phone a threw it at Pele from across the room! This guy coward, ya undastand? Pele, he was confident. Everybody get in between Pele and Macaco. Pele say ‘You fight now, but tomorrow I make you quit fighting I hit you so hard.’ Pele confident man, he no coward. Next day at Campeonato Brasileiro de Vale Tudo, Pele make Macaco tap to strike. To strike! No one tap to strike! I see Macaco after the…after the fight and I ask ‘Why you talk alotta bullsheet and tap to strike? Because you cock, you coward — you scared about Pele.’
I think I get Pele in Jungle Fight to win a title. He train hard for every fight, no doubt about. Believe me, he will put on a great fight in Jungle Fight. Tell everybody go to Jungle Fight and get my website because everybody know I don’t stop. This is my home. I don’t care. Let’s go to the big fight.
[Ed. note: Wallid would like all of you to buy his “Angry Wallid” t-shirt for just $17.99 on WorldOverEasy.com]
I’ve implied it on here before, so I might as well just come out and say it: I grew up a professional wrestling fan. Growing up, Razor Ramon (later known by his real name, Scott Hall) was one of my biggest heroes (draw your own conclusions). Every now and then, I’ll still watch AWA reruns on ESPN: Classic and legitimately enjoy it. There, I said it.
That being said, I never got behind the professional wrestling careers of the MMA fighters like Ken Shamrock and Dan Severn. To me, the MMA fighters were way too normal for professional wrestling’s cartoonish reality (Ed. Note: Obviously, aside from Tank Abbott’s obsession with boy bands). They weren’t working class white guys acting like pro-Apartheid South African colonels — they were tough guys acting like tough guys. They weren’t jumping off of the top rope — they were using somewhat realistic looking takedowns and submissions. The fact that they would lose to oiled up steroid abusers that they would destroy in real fights made the whole thing too stupid for me to continue to suspend my disbelief. In my case, The Masked Man’s theory is true: The legitimate tough guy who earns a living as a fake fighter is too much of a paradox.
Needless to say, I immediately fell in love with Ikuhisa Minowa.
Of course, it bears mention that as good as he’s looked against Super Hulks, he tends to lose to guys his own size. And while he’s been fun to watch in Japan, his most recent fight against Kendall Grove was “adequate (for a ProElite bout)”, which is the nicest way to say “boring as shit” that I could think of. But while Minowaman will never hold a major title, he’ll always be one of my favorite fighters because he’s the bridge between professional wrestling and mixed martial arts that guys like Shamrock and Severn couldn’t be: He’s the cartoonish fighter who is legitimate enough to win real fights.
Mike Russell
The first name that popped into my head when we were discussing the theme for this week’s roundtable was Renato Sobral, who I’ve enjoyed watching for as long as I remember. The only snag was I had forgotten that he held the Strikeforce strap briefly after snatching it from overachieving Bobby Southworth. Damn, so much for Babalu.
Then I spent the next half-hour crossing names off my rapidly dwindling list.
“Okay, I’ll take Sakuraba instead. Rex has Sakuraba? Then I’ll go with Karo. Wait. Does Pre-Zuffa WEC count as a major title? It does? And Zeus has Pele, right? In that case I’m going with my number-five favorite fighter to never hold a major title: Igor Vovchanchyn.”
Yeah Google experts, “The Ukraine Freight Train” wore gold briefly, but his belt was almost immediately repossessed by the Yakuza because he kneed Mark Kerr in the head while he was on the ground, so it doesn’t count. See, we have Wikipedia in Canada too. It’s a bunch of binders full of printouts stored at the library/post office/trading post and we can only sign out one volume for 15 minutes per week, but we have it, so suck it Xenophon.
Anyway, at the time the Japanese promotion rules said that the winning strikes he landed in the bout were simply not allowed, domo arigato. The rule was changed months later and he would avenge the fight by beating Kerr one year after coming within a rule change of being a champ. Always a bridesmaid, huh I-Vov?
Prior to the controversial first fight with Kerr, which was afterwards ruled a no-contest, Igor was on a 32-fight winning streak. Not many fighters are able to flash that card — let alone wins over a prime Sakuraba, Gary Goodridge, Gilbert Yvel, Yuki Kondo, Enson Inoue and Valentijn Overeem — who were all victims of “Ice Cold.”
Sure Vovchanchyn wasn’t the most athletic guy and he was far from being the most talented fighter, but he always came to fight, which is something a lot of guys in the current point-fighting era of MMA don’t do. When Igor was one of the guys in the ring, you could expect punishment, and no matter if he was the guy inflicting it or the one absorbing it, the fight was going to be exciting. The dude had 55 wins in his 66-fight career: 29 knockouts, 17 submissions and only eight decisions, which says a lot about his style, which, if had to describe, I’d say was “tactical brawling.”
After walking away from the sport before hitting his stride (sort of like ReX) due to a glut of nagging injuries back in 1998 at the prime fighting age of 32 and with a staggering 55-10 (1NC) MMA record, Igor reportedly took his career earnings and opened up a small restaurant back in the Ukraine. The eatery caters to well-fed, hard-drinking Russian tourists. They have a unique dash and dine policy at the restaurant: If you can make it to the door without getting knocked out by a karate chop to the neck, your meal is on the house.
Andrei Arlovski forfeited the bet when he crumpled to the floor while tucking in his napkin during his first visit to the establishment.
A few seconds into your first Genki Sudo fight you ask yourself, “What the fuck is he doing?!?” A few minutes later you have your answer: “Whatever the fuck he wants.”
Sudo’s entrances were more entertaining than most fights; his fights were more interesting than most of our lives. The “Neo Samarai” made a career of unorthodoxy. His unique arsenal included superb takedowns and flying submissions, and when spinning backfists and sommersault kicks lost his interest he’d simply start making shit up. The “Mixed” in Sudo’s MMA included maneuvers from professional wrestling and the B-Boy world. From bouncing off of the ropes for a drop kick to taking his opponent for a helicopter ride, he transformed high-risk, crowd pleasing moments into fight finishing techniques. And if you think losing a fight in front of thousands of people is demoralizing, imagine that the dude kicking your ass is taking frequent breaks to do the robot.
Between appearances on “Ninja Warrior”, Sudo submitted Mike Brown and Nate Marquardt, KO’d Royler Gracie, and scored a decision win over Duane Ludwig [ignore those record books, kids. Ludwig did not win that fight]. He’s also the proud inventor of the ‘cankle lock‘.
Sadly, Sudo retired from the sport in his prime at the age of 28 after heeding questionable advice from a urinal. Since that time he’s written eight books and found success as a Japanese pop star. So yeah, a guy getting life-coach lessons from the shitter has a better life than you.
Anthony Gannon
When it comes to losing title fights, you can add Kenny Florian to the “death and taxes” certainties of life. He had three shots at glory in the UFC, two at lightweight that he lost to Sean Sherk and BJ Penn, and one at featherweight that he lost to Jose Aldo, not including the lightweight title eliminator he lost against Gray Maynard. That’s a lot of chances, but he earned them by pretty much destroying everyone else they put in front of him. Kenny has mad squabbles, but he just could never get his hands on that stinking belt.
His odyssey took him from 185 all the way down to 145 in search of the strap – the only fighter in UFC history to ever compete in four different weight divisions. Perhaps if he didn’t injure his back, an injury that may force him to retire, he could have tried his hand at 135, or even the UFC’s new 125-pound division. He probably could have made it if he rid himself of such unnecessary components as that extra kidney, perhaps that cumbersome second lung, and if he clipped his toenails really low, like to the point where it hurts like a sumbitch. Kenny just had that level of dedication, the kind young fighters can learn from.
Kenny never made excuses. In the Sherk and Maynard fights he spent more time on his back than my ex-girlfriend when she was “studying.” Speaking of which, I also love Kenny because he looks more like my old economics professor than a fighter. I can envision a meathead student boldly challenging Kenny on the merits of the Laffer Curve and whether it does in fact justify supply-side economics, and Kenny with his bowtie and sweater-vest delivering a ridge-hand to the Adam’s Apple for such blatant sass. I digress.
Kenny didn’t bitch and whine about wrestlers humping him like many other fighters do. He took full accountability, and said he needed to get better at wrestling. Imagine that, personal responsibility – what a novel concept. Kenny always worked towards improvement. The fact that he never held a belt is certainly not because he didn’t take his talent as far as it could possibly go. He did. He was simply beaten by better fighters. That may be of little consolation to Kenny at this point, but he should be proud of his accomplishments in the cage. He went for it, time and again, and pushed himself to the limits to get there. For that, I salute Kenny Florian: Here’s to you, Mr. Non-Title Winning Fighter Turned Commentator. Break to Bud Light “Real American Heroes” theme…
So many gatekeepers, guys, seriously? How about an undefeated grand-master with over four hundred fights? Only one name has stood out in Mixed Martial Arts since day one, and that name is Gracie. Even though blatant ignorance won’t allow most people to get past the Royce Gracie Era, I hold the very personal opinion that the greatest fighter to never hold a title is Rickson Gracie. I mean, who else do you know with a lineage like Rickson? You don’t. It’s just that simple.
It’s a well known fact that Rickson could easily destroy most of today’s fighters if he was their age. Thankfully, for all these “talented” guys who call themselves fighters, Rickson is retired and focused on his Jujitsu. In his day, it is alleged that Rickson had over four hundred fights and won them all. Sure his sanctioned record says 11-0, but Rickson is one of the few true Jujitsu Gods, with a legitimate 8th-degree Black/Red Belt in BJJ around his waist.
Rickson also did his fighting when the “Unified Rules” didn’t exist, which makes him that much more badass. After all, the definition of Vale Tudo is “anything goes” or “everything goes,” and back in the day that’s exactly what they did. It should be noted that Rickson has been training to fight for the honor of the Gracie family name since the age of six years old. At the age of 53, that translates to 47 years of Martial Arts training, likely day in and day out.
Even years after his prime, his name is still revered in the MMA community. Many jujitsu newbies pay homage to the famed Rickson Gracie and would likely sacrifice their first born if only to harness just a bit of his supernatural talent. Most fighters would be content just retiring with a humble record, but not Rickson! 400+ fights and ZERO losses!
Ever since his Fight of the Year against Karo “The Heat” Parisian at Ultimate Fight Night 6, Diego Sanchez has been one of my favorite fighters to watch in action, and it pains me that gold has eluded him this long despite a change in weight classes and a title fight against BJ Penn at UFC 107 — a fight he lost due to a cut. It’s like watching a dog that’s been in an accident chase a tail that isn’t there; he beats everyone except the guys that really matter. Nevertheless, Sanchez has remained as positive as Kimbo’s beard is gnarly, often found chanting “Yes!” while doing cartwheels.
Unshaken, the Jackson’s MMA product has proven time and time again that when he comes to fight, HE COMES TO FIGHT! As winner of the first season of The Ultimate Fighter, Diego Sanchez has been trying to live up to expectations worthy of a champion. Since then, he’s racked up an impressive five Fight of the Night awards, but never took home a championship belt. I know some of you aren’t in favor of giving it up for heart, but Rex and I are — so stick it.
This was perhaps the easiest roundtable thus far for me to decide on. Tell me, which one of the other picks has 10 muthafuckin’ end of the night awards? How about a future position in the Indiana Senate? No, not you Matt, I’m talking about Chris muthafuckin’ Lytle, a.k.a the most entertaining dude to ever step foot in the Octagon. HE HAS NEVER BEEN FINISHED IN 54 MUTHAFUCKIN’ FIGHTS, and was in fact forced to quit in those two TKO losses that soil his record because the ringside physicians did not want to lose their jobs. His wars with Thiago Alves, Paul Taylor, Aaron Riley, Marcus Davis, Dan Hardy, and Tiki Ghosn *snicker* are just a few examples in Lytle’s insanely long list of credentials.
But the best thing about Lytle would have to be that he is perhaps the most underrated grappler in the history of MMA. He has submission victories that have come by way of forearm choke, bulldog choke, guillotine, kneebar, straight armbar, triangle kimura, and damn near every other form of submission available. Despite this, he chooses to stand and brawl with whoever will allow it, because the man puts entertaining his audience above winning, and that’s pretty much the point of this roundtable, right? Simply put, you don’t forget a Lytle fight, and the man has missed out on possible title fights to ensure that.
I will end my rant with a few little known facts about Lytle: he was the inspiration for the movies 300, Commando, Mad Max, and Sensei Seagal‘s muthafuckin’ career. He mixes razor blades with his corn flakes every morning, and pisses blood every afternoon. Those last two are not related. Chris Lytle‘s NCAA tournament bracket is flawless every year, and in 1978, he beat Doyle Brunson in a game of Texas Hold ‘Em despite holding a Shoprite receipt and an Old Maid card. Former President Dwight D. Eisenhower once gave him the key to the country. That’s right, THE MUTHAFUKIN’ COUNTRY. Chris Lytle doesn’t need our worship, because the walls of his home have more plaques on them than Dr. Dre’s, but “Lights Out” is who we think of, subconsciously or otherwise, when we use terms like “warrior,” “badass,” or “Cobra Commander.”
And finally Doug “ReX13″ Richardson, who concludes today’s epic roundtable using the ancient art of haiku…
