Tag: liveblog

UFC 153: Silva vs. Bonnar — Live Results and Commentary


(How about dropping to your knees and begging for a swift death? Would that work? / Photo via MMAFighting.com)

The matchup between UFC middleweight champion Anderson Silva and light-heavyweight non-champion Stephan Bonnar has been called everything from a “fun fight,” to a mother’s worst nightmare. Tonight at the HSBC Center in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, we’re going to find out what this weird freak show will actually look like. Our only prediction is that Griffin Bonnar‘s first image of his father will be a bruised and lumpy one.

Luckily, there are plenty of far-more-legitimate matches on the UFC 153 main card, including Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira vs. Dave Herman, Erick Silva vs. Jon Fitch, and Glover Teixiera vs. Fabio Maldonado. And as with previous shows in Brazil, the local fans will make sure that the show is just as entertaining outside of the cage.

Round-by-round results from the UFC 153 pay-per-view broadcast will be stacking up after the jump beginning at 10 p.m. ET / 7 p.m. PT, courtesy of CagePotato liveblogger-supreme Anthony Gannon. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest, and be sure to tell us how you feel in the comments section. Thanks for stopping by.


(How about dropping to your knees and begging for a swift death? Would that work? / Photo via MMAFighting.com)

The matchup between UFC middleweight champion Anderson Silva and light-heavyweight non-champion Stephan Bonnar has been called everything from a “fun fight,” to a mother’s worst nightmare. Tonight at the HSBC Center in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, we’re going to find out what this weird freak show will actually look like. Our only prediction is that Griffin Bonnar‘s first image of his father will be a bruised and lumpy one.

Luckily, there are plenty of far-more-legitimate matches on the UFC 153 main card, including Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira vs. Dave Herman, Erick Silva vs. Jon Fitch, and Glover Teixiera vs. Fabio Maldonado. And as with previous shows in Brazil, the local fans will make sure that the show is just as entertaining outside of the cage.

Round-by-round results from the UFC 153 pay-per-view broadcast will be stacking up after the jump beginning at 10 p.m. ET / 7 p.m. PT, courtesy of CagePotato liveblogger-supreme Anthony Gannon. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest, and be sure to tell us how you feel in the comments section. Thanks for stopping by.

Sup, potato heads. Here we are for the third installment of Brazil vs. The World, and let’s be candid here, in MMA there are really only two countries that matter: Brazil and America, so “The World” is pretty much us. In the first two (UFC’s 134 and 142), Brazil not only came out victorious, but basically just bent us over and with utter malice, forcibly slid their uncut national schwanz in and out to the tune of 14 wins to only two defeats.

Brazil is a huge market for the UFC (e.g., they drew over 16,000 live for Wanderlei Silva vs Rich Franklin II, which was a suck ass card yet more than the 15,000 Vegas drew for Silva vs Sonnen II) and some of the unlubricated violation that took place at UFC’s 134 and 142 can be attributed to favorable match-making, but let that not diminish the fact that these dudes can whoop some ass, and this event seems poised to produce much the same result.

Yes, for years the Brazilians have been plotting an overthrow of America’s dominance over the sport. Currently they hold three of the UFC belts to America’s four (still considering GSP the true welterweight champion). Don’t think this shit don’t matter either. We’re talking about two of the world’s most fiercely nationalistic countries here.

We Americans like to think we’re the best at everything, even though all evidence points to a slow, steady decline that will likely produce long bread-lines and painful humility. Yet still, at the weigh-ins there were actually a few brave, yet suicidal fans in the arena doing the “USA, USA, USA” thing.

Brazil is an emerging country whose international flex is finally starting to catch up to its bloated self-image. And just about every Brazilian fighter comes into the cage wrapped in a green flag looking like the life sucking tree creatures from the Beast Master. It’s a largely unspoken rivalry, but I can assure you it matters to just about every participant on this card.

So, there’s more at stake here than simply wins and losses. There’s the conglomeration of future world dominion. With the traitorous assistance of Sensei Seagal, the Brazilians are a pubis hair away from forcing us to pronounce our R’s as H’s, and that’s when the shit is all over. Oh yeah, and you thought you were just watching some fuckin’ MMA tonight.

Speaking of, let’s get this started with the undercard action:

Chris Camozzi beat Luiz Cane by decision, 29-28 across the board. And we were informed after all this time that Cane is actually pronounced CAHNAY, not just Cane, so get that shit right. Regardless, after two losses in front of his countrymen, Cane may be forced into exile.

Cristiano Marcello beat Reza Madadi by split decision.

Sergio Moraes beat Renee Forte by rear naked choke at 3:10 of round three.

Diego Brandao beat Joey Gambino by unanimous decision, 30-27 across the board.

Gleison Tibau remains the most prolific undercard fighter on the UFC roster by beating Francisco Trinaldo by unanimous decision, 29-28 across the board.

Rony Jason beat down Sam Sicilia with hammer fists at 4:16 of round two.

Dana White and Joe Rogan desperately try to convince us that Silva vs Bonnar is a competitive fight so buy that shit.

Goldberg has the whitest bottom teeth ever, and Rogan’s shaved head is finally starting to look natural.

We kick off with Demain Maia vs Rick Story

While we’re on this fight, let’s discuss how awesome Rick Story’s nickname is. Look, not everyone has a name with the flow to come up with an awesome fucking moniker like Rick “Horror” Story, or Jason “Dooms” Day, but it should be noted that having a nickname just for the sake of having a nickname is retarded. It needs to be a good one. Not mentioning any names, ahem J-Lau, Magician, Filipino Wrecking Machine, et al.

That being said, a cool nickname isn’t going to help with Maia, who is gonna be tough to deal with at 170.

Buffer’s suave ass kicks some Portuguese.

Round 1: Story opens with a left hook. Maia has a leg, takes Story down. Uh oh. Story getting up, Maia trips him down again. Maia working to side control, Story back up. Maia takes his ass down again, and is mounted. Now he’s going for his back. He’s got it. Jesus this dude can grapple. And there it is, Maia is crushing Story’s face with a choke, gets the tap, and God that looked like it sucked!

Demian Maia wins via first round submission by rear naked choke that was actually a neck crank, but whatever it was, it was damn painful looking.

Next up is Phil Davis vs Wagner Prado

Prado rolls up dancing his ass off. A member of his team was smacking him to fire him up, but they were weak. If you’re gonna do that you gotta go all Jason Guida, who slaps the ever loving shit out of his brother, Clay.

Davis rolls up looking like an action figure…with pink ass shorts…young as hell too.

This one is a do-over from August when Davis poked Prado in the eye so bad he couldn’t continue.

Round 1: Prado is mugging, man this dude is a lunatic. Feeling each other out. Prado misses a high kick. Davis tries tying Prado up, he wiggles out. Left high kick by Prado, blocked. Davis ducks a punch and gets a takedown. Prado trying to cage walk up, Davis dragging him back down. Prado keeps grabbing the fence. Prado is back up, but Davis slams him down hard. He’s delivering a little ground and pound here. Prado back up, and back down. Davis lands a huge bomb, then one right to the back of the head. Now he’s just pounding Prado. Damn, every time Prado gets up, Davis takes him down. Prado ends the round on the ground looking demoralized. Davis 10-9.

Round 2: Front kick by Davis. Prado with a straight left. Davis high kick misses by a mile. Flying knee by Davis, uses it to tie Prado up, and yep, takes his ass down again. Landing some nice body shots. Prado up, but Davis has him pressed up against the cage. Davis delivers a few Charlie horse shots, and they separate. Left kick by Prado, blocked. Davis shoots again, and he’s got him. Even Davis’ telegraphed shots are working. Davis with some elbows. He goes for mount, ends up in half guard. Davis with an arm triangle. Prado shows he can grapple at least a little and escapes. Wait, spoke too soon. Davis then secures an anaconda choke and gets the tap! Nice.

That was about as dominating a grappling clinic as we’ve seen in the UFC.

Phil Davis wins via anaconda choke in the second round.

Next up is Jon Fitch vs Erick Silva, and this shit would get ugly.

You gotta to feel for Jon Fitch, man. Eternally branded a boring fighter, Fitch gets very little love. He used to at least get some respect as the #2 welterweight in the world, but now people mostly just want him to go away. And what does the UFC do to him after getting dick-nailed by Johny Hendricks? They feed him to Erick Silva.

Silva (no relation to Anderson – Silva is Brazil’s Patel) is just a different breed. He’s an animal. They found this guy in a cave, practicing jiu jitsu with wild animals. Everyone is swinging from the Rory McDonald nutbag. And he a’ight. But I’m swinging from Erick Silva’s bulbous jungle vine. This guy is the future champion. After this fight, getting ‘Fitch’d’ is going to be a household term, one carrying the same loathsome connotation as getting ‘Munson’d.’

Ugh, nasty cauliflower ear on Silva, looks like a pork dumpling from Chan’s Wok.

Fitch has his game face on. Rollin’ out to some country western shit, the fans don’t seem impressed.

Round 1: Fitch opens with a leg kick. Silva lands a knee to the body, Fitch takes him down, going for Silva’s back. Fitch has a hook in, riding Silva’s back. Fitch delivering some nice shots to the side of Silva’s head. Still riding Silva’s back. Fitch going for a standing arm triangle. Silva escapes. Front kick lands to Fitch’s face. Huge shot by Silva to the grill. Fitch chases Silva down, they’re tied up against the cage. Fitch lands a nice elbow off the break. Silva with a couple knees, Fitch going for a takedown, lands it. Silva gets up, Fitch on his back again. Fitch ends the round on Silva’s back landing shots. Fitch 10-9.

Round 2: Silva misses a huge left. Fitch with an uppercut. Silva with a sweep, nice. Now he’s on Fitch’s back. He’s going for a crucifix, but Fitch reverses. Silva on Fitch’s back now, throwing huge shots. Fitch escapes. ilva delivers a knee. Fitch with a punch followed by a knee. He’s got Silva clinched against the cage. Going for a takedown, Silva lands a nasty elbow. Fitch misses a throw, Silva takes him down, takes his back. Silva working for a rear naked. Fitch defending very well. That looked like it was in the bag. Fitch reverses and is in Silva’s guard delivering some nasty. Fitch takes his back now. Great round! Fitch with an armbar, Silva manages to survive. WOW! Fitch 10-9.

Round 3: Fitch is fired up, son. Even throws a side kick. Fitch ties him up. Silva looks absolutely exhausted. Fitch is pounding his head. Going for another choke. Now he’s just hammering him again. Silva gets free, and drops for a guillotine, but he’s just too tired. Fitch is out, and now dropping elbows. He’s beating the shit out of Silva here. Fitch going for a choke, but doesn’t have the position. Fitch is pounding away now. Silva is flattened out and Fitch is issuing an ass whoopin’. Now he’s mounted, and the ref is warning Silva to fight back. Fitch is dropping more elbows, and punches, and just all sorts of hurt. Silva survives to the bell, but that was a dominant win.

Perhaps I jumped the gun on Erick Silva. Jesus he got his ass handed to him. Hats off to Fitch man, never seen him fight like that before.

Jon Fitch earns the unanimous decision, 30-27, 29-28, 29-28.

That was the best Jon Fitch I ever saw. If Fitch fought with only half that intensity he’d never have been known as a human blanket.

Next we have Glover Teixeira vs Fabio Maldonado

Glover is carrying some serious rep with him. He’s 18-2 with 16 of those wins coming via some form of violent stoppage. It’s actually difficult for the UFC to find him opponents. The thought is that he doesn’t yet have enough name value to lose to. For Maldonado, on a two fight losing skid, such analytical decision making was not an option.

Damn, Fabio rolls out to the Rocky theme. Do they even know what that is in Brazil?

Round 1: Glover opens with a big left, knocks Fabio down with a shot, delivering some big shots, now has him mounted, pounding away. This is a bad place to find yourself to start off. Glover with some elbows. Fabio tries to hip escape, Glover answers with some humungous shots. HUGE elbows by Glover. Glover going for an arm triangle, mercifully. Glover abandons that and just goes back to fucking him up from mount. Jesus, that rep is well earned. Glover even takes a break to scratch his nose. Fabio gets up, and he is a mess. Glover is just hammering away, but damn he just got rocked by Fabio! Glover takes him down to end it, and that is a 10-8 for him. If Fabio hadn’t rocked Glover at the end, it’d be a 10-2.

Round 2: Glover with an immediate takedown, and God I don’t know if i can watch another round of this horror. Fabio gets up. He throws a couple hooks, blocked, but lands a couple jabs. Fabio with a body shot. Glover lands another takedown. And he’s in full mount. This dude throws some downright vicious elbows. Fabio his escapes to half guard. Glover looks like he may have gassed himself out delivering that beating in the first round. He isn’t throwing much. Just as I say that he lands a few hammer fists. Now some elbows. The ref stands them up. They call in the doc to look at Fabio who is busted up. They resume. Glover clips a right, then a left. And another. And another. Fabio is shaky. 10-9 Glover.

The doctor just ended the fight. Fabio is upset, but that was merciful. Glover is NO JOKE.

Glover Teixeira gets the TKO by doctor stoppage at the end of round two.

The crowd applauds Fabio Maldonado’s heart. Well deserved. He took a vicious beating.

Glover says Fabio is not a human for the beating he took.

Co-main event is next, Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira vs Dave Herman

How can ya not love Big Nog. At the weigh-ins he was like the mayor, holding court, shaking hands, just kinda giving off an aura that said, “You will all God damn wait till I’m good ‘n ready to get on that scale.” It was heart-breaking to see Frank Mir tear his arm apart like that. Nog’s been taken apart and put back together so many times we should just start calling him FrankenNog.

Herman is tough customer, but his reputation far exceeds his accomplishments against top competition thus far. He does, however, have the most symmetrical lower pectoral I’ve ever seen.

Herman walks out to some carefree beach music sporting a towel on his head.

The arena goes dark for Big Nog, who rolls out to a Led Zep remix.

Round 1: Herman with a shin to the body. Nog ties him up and Herman flips him onto his back. Herman dropping shots, and Nog is back up. Nog charges forward and catches him with a right. Herman with a brutal body kick. They’re tied up against the cage. Nog with a few short shots to the head and body. Herman with a knee off the break. Nog lands a big left, Herman responds with a body kick. Leg kick by Nog. Nog ties him up and delivers an uppercut. He’s got Herman against the cage. Herman misses a straight left, Nog answers with a right. Body kick by Herman, and again, and those look like they kinda suck. Nog going for a takedown, and Herman uses the whizzer to avoid. Nog lands a shot to the chops. Herman tries a head kick, blocked. 10-9 Nog.

Round 2: Arianny must smell like heaven. Here we go. Nog charges forward and knocks Herman on his ass. He’s in side control, and let’s see if that jiu jitsu shit actually works. He’s going for an americana, and it looks foul. Herman is free, but Nog is in full mount pounding away. Herman gives up his back, not good. Nog going for an armbar. He lost the position. And they’re up. Herman’s game plan seems to be just standing there with his arm extended and throwing a kick every few minutes. And look at that, Herman hip tosses Nog. Nog was looking for a sweep, Herman lets him up. Nog lands a right to the grill. And another. Nog lands a trip takedown, mounts way too easily. He’s attacking an arm again. He got it. Guess that jiu jitsu shit works after all.

Big Nog gets the submission (armbar) in the second round.

And here we go, the main event is up, Anderson Silva vs Stephan Bonnar

The bad news for Bonnar is that he’s about to get badly fucked up. The good news is that he needn’t even concern himself with winning. He’ll win simply by getting fucked up less than Silva’s previous opponents, especially at 205. It’s kind of like the concept of ‘You aint got to be the fastest, just faster than the slowest.’ All he needs to do is show up and he’s already ahead of Forrest Griffin, and to surpass James Irvin shouldn’t be a stretch for him either.

He’s going head up with the greatest fighting machine the sport has even known. If it weren’t for his bizarre Bieber fetish we wouldn’t even consider Anderson Silva human, but a genetically engineered killer crafted by Skynet. But anyone who can get down to some boy band shit must have human emotion, shame obviously not being one of them though.

Bonnar comes out to some new age nonsense. All I wanna know is why not Iron Maiden? This is the most non-fighting music ever. On a positive note though, I’m quite impressed by Bonnar’s physique transformation over the past couple years. He used to be a little flabby, and very pasty. Now he’s jacked and tanned. Guess it paid off, you seen his wife?

Silva walks out reppin’ the BK, looking focused, rocking the winner’s walk.

Round 1: Bonnar takes center cage, attacking, going for a takedown. Bonnar with a few knees, and some short punches. Silva with a knee to the head, just skims. Bonnar working hard for the takedown. They’re clinched against the cage. Bonnar with an elbow, drops levels, and eats a knee to the sternum for it. Silva with the head clinch, let’s go. Silva and Bonnar trading shots, Silva starting his weird routine. Bonnar on a single leg, Silva free. Bonnar whacks Silva in the face, Silva eats it like it aint no thang. He’s actually letting Bonnar punch him. Silva takes Bonnar down, then knees him, punches him, and just descends on him. Bonnar hit the ground and covered up. And the shit is over. That didn’t take long.

It was a brutal knee to the body that really hurt Bonnar, then he followed up with some shots to the side of the head. So much for a bigger opponent whose never been stopped. Silva is just operating on a different plane.

Anderson Silva scores the first round TKO.

Unreal, man. We all knew this wasn’t a competitive fight, but damn he made that look easy. Silva actually fucks dudes up at 205 worse than at 185. Maybe my ex-girlfriend was right, size doesn’t always matter. Anyways, that’s it for me ya’ll. Thanks for chillin’. Peace out.

‘UFC on FX: Browne vs. Bigfoot’ — Live Results & Commentary


(Travis plans to test Bigfoot’s chin tonight. Unfortunately, Bigfoot’s chin has already been tested by a team of doctors, and nobody can figure out what the hell is wrong with it. / Photo via CombatLifestyle. For more photos from this set, click here.)

Because you can never have enough heavyweight fights on basic cable, the UFC returns to FX this evening for a fun little card at the Target Center in Minneapolis. In the main event, one of the ten seven greatest undefeated fighters in MMA, Travis Browne, looks for his fifth UFC victory against Antonio “Bigfoot” Silva, who has been brutally stopped in his last two appearances. (Just keep repeating to yourself: He beat Fedor. He beat Fedor. He beat Fedor…) Plus: Jay Hieron tries to break his curse against Jake Ellenberger, while John Dodson and Jussier Formiga scrap for a flyweight title shot.

Fresh off his short-notice victory against the UFC 151 pay-per-view, Jim Genia is back again to liveblog tonight’s FX main card. Round-by-round results will be piling up after the jump beginning at 8 p.m. ET. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest, and if you’ve heard any good jokes lately, please share them in the comments section.


(Travis plans to test Bigfoot’s chin tonight. Unfortunately, Bigfoot’s chin has already been tested by a team of doctors, and nobody can figure out what the hell is wrong with it. / Photo via CombatLifestyle. For more photos from this set, click here.)

Because you can never have enough heavyweight fights on basic cable, the UFC returns to FX this evening for a fun little card at the Target Center in Minneapolis. In the main event, one of the ten seven greatest undefeated fighters in MMA, Travis Browne, looks for his fifth UFC victory against Antonio “Bigfoot” Silva, who has been brutally stopped in his last two appearances. (Just keep repeating to yourself: He beat Fedor. He beat Fedor. He beat Fedor…) Plus: Jay Hieron tries to break his curse against Jake Ellenberger, while John Dodson and Jussier Formiga scrap for a flyweight title shot.

Fresh off his short-notice victory against the UFC 151 pay-per-view, Jim Genia is back again to liveblog tonight’s FX main card. Round-by-round results will be piling up after the jump beginning at 8 p.m. ET. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest, and if you’ve heard any good jokes lately, please share them in the comments section.

Preliminary card results:
– Yves Edwards vs. Jeremy Stephens – Bout Scratched Due to Stephens Getting Arrested
– Michael Johnson def. Danny Castillo via KO (Punch) at 1:06, Round 2
– Jacob Volkmann def. Shane Roller via Submission (Rear Naked Choke) at 2:38, Round 1
– Diego Nunes def. Bart Palaszewski via Unanimous Decision
– Darren Uyenoyama def. Phil Harris via Submission (Rear Naked Choke) at 3:38, Round 2
– Marcus LeVesseur def. Carlo Prater via Split Decision
– Mike Pierce def. Aaron Simpson via KO (Punch) at :29, Round 2

Howdy.  Jim Genia here.  Ready for some UFC on FX nonsensical ramblings?

First up: Justin Edwards vs. Josh Neer

Edwards, who trains under Jorge Gurgel, has appeared in the Octagon three times but has yet to impress.  Neer… man, that dude be crazy.

Round 1: Edwards comes out swinging punches and flinging raw aggression like it’s free.  Neer counters by ducking his head and angling for a takedown – which plays right into a jumping arm-in guillotine that Edwards does not hesitate to slap on.  Neer goes to the canvas and makes some motions like he’s going to defend, but soon he’s asleep, and Edwards has earned himself the sweet technical submission at :45 of Round 1.  Okay, Edwards looks impressive now.

Justin Edwards def. Josh Neer via Technical Submission (Guillotine) at :45, Round 1

Up next: John Dodson vs. Jussier Formiga

The good news is that Dodson and Formiga are fighting for number one contender status for the flyweight title.  The bad news is… ah, there is no bad news.  This fight is going to rock.

Round 1: It took about a minute of dancing and circling before these two gentlemen began stepping in and swinging with bad intentions, with the American aiming crosses to the body and the Brazilian looking for a home for his counter right in the neighborhood of Dodson’s chin.  But fast footwork prevented either from really nailing the other, so Formiga shot for a takedown around the three-minute mark that was easily stuffed.  Another takedown was stuffed, and another, and the crowd began to boo at the lack of furious engagement.

Round 2: The dancing continued into the second, broken up by intermittent flashes of violence – including a winging overhand by Dodson 45 seconds in, and a lunging right by Formiga two minutes in.  Thankfully, three minutes into the round, Dodson caught Formiga with left as the Brazilian was stepping forward, and for a few seconds, Dodson was the predator hunting its prey.  Formiga, to his credit, managed to recover, but the end came soon after when the TUF winner blasted him in the gut and then dropped him with a left square in the chops.  Formiga fell, rolled over, and was helpless against the subsequent barrage of fists, prompting the referee to jump in.  The official time of the TKO was 4:35 of Round 2.

John Dodson def. Jussier Formiga via TKO (Punches) at 4:35, Round 2

Next: Jake Ellenberger vs. Jay Hieron

Once upon a time, Ellenberger and Hieron fought in the IFL and Hieron came away with the decision.  But time has presumably changed these men, with Ellenberger establishing himself as a top UFC competitor and Hieron becoming that poor dude who can never seem to get a UFC fight.  All that changes now, though!

Round 1: Mindful of Ellenberger’s power and seemingly eager to catch his foe moving forward, Hieron spends the first couple minutes of the round firing off single strikes – jabs, crosses, high-kicks, and even a couple spinning back-kicks.  But his patience erodes when a minute and a half is left, and he shoots for a single-leg that Ellenberger hops out of, and he nearly catches him with some hard counters of his own.

Round 2: The round opens with Hieron dinging Ellenberger with a counter, and soon after going for a takedown that is deftly avoided.  A sudden change in tactics has Ellenberger nailing a takedown of his own, and for the following minute, he’s able to bang up Hieron and open up a cut near the Xtreme Couture fighter’s eye.  Though bloodied, Hieron keeps his wits about him and manages to scramble back to his feet, and for the last two minutes of the period they dance the “I’m Afraid of You, You’re Afraid of Me” Waltz.

Round 3: Their wariness leads to more dancing in the third frame, although the action is halted briefly a minute in when Hieron kicks Ellenberger in the junk.  After a restart, Ellenberger goes for a takedown that Hieron squirms out of.  Does their mutual respect color how they fight throughout the rest of the bout?  Sadly, it does, as Hieron maintains a steady output of single, long-range kicks and punches while Ellenberger waits for that one big opening that never seems to come.  Hieron does fall in the final seconds of the fight, but it isn’t clear if it’s a slip or if Ellenberger has actually tagged him, and the bout goes to the judges.  The winner?  Ellenberger by unanimous decision, but yeah, it’s close.

Jake Ellenberger def. Jay Hieron via Unanimous Decision

Next, the main event: Travis Browne vs. Antonio “Bigfoot” Silva

It’s hard to place where exactly in the heavyweight division Browne and Silva belong, especially since Dana White declared that Stefan Struve’s win over some scrub somehow catapulted the dude to number five in the rankings (uh, what?).  Regardless, big men fighting.  Hooray! 

Round 1: Browne comes out throwing colorful kicks, but Silva informs him with a right hand that he better check himself before he wrecks himself.  They exchange more cautiously, and a minute and a half in the Brazilian comes in, eats a knee, but still manages to tie Browne up against the fence.  After a few seconds Browne escapes, but it’s suddenly evident that something is wrong with his knee, and after almost a minute of him limping around, Bigfoot steps in with a huge right that drops Browne against the cage.  The fists to the side of Browne’s head may or may not have been needed, but they happened anyway, and when referee Herb Dean jumped in, it’s official: Silva has won via TKO.  The time of the stoppage was 3:27 of Round 1.

Antonio Silva def. Travis Browne via TKO (Punches) at 3:27, Round 1

Afterwards, an extremely happy Silva thanked the crowd for showing up, and spoke of how much he’d trained for the fight.

And that’s all, folks.  Thanks for showing up.

UFC on FUEL 5: Struve vs. Miocic — Live Results & Commentary


(Just remember, Stipe: The bigger they are, the funnier they lawn-chair. / Photo via MMAJunkie.com)

The UFC makes its first (and only!) U.K. stop of 2012 today, with a card that’s low on star power but high on potential fireworks. If you’re reading this right now, it means you’re at least sort-of interested, and that’s good enough for us. So which heavyweight main-eventer is about to put himself “in the mix”? Can Dan Hardy string together his first back-to-back wins since 2009? Will Matt Wiman be just another notch on Paul “Sassangle” Sass‘s sassbelt? And WTF is wrong with Kyle Kingsbury, anyway? The answers to most of those questions will be revealed shortly.

Handling liveblog business for the UFC on FUEL 5 main card broadcast is George Shunick, who will be stacking round-by-round results after the jump beginning at 4 p.m. ET / 1 p.m PT. Let us know how you feel in the comments section, and refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest. And as always, thanks for spending part of your weekend with us.


(Just remember, Stipe: The bigger they are, the funnier they lawn-chair. / Photo via MMAJunkie.com)

The UFC makes its first (and only!) U.K. stop of 2012 today, with a card that’s low on star power but high on potential fireworks. If you’re reading this right now, it means you’re at least sort-of interested, and that’s good enough for us. So which heavyweight main-eventer is about to put himself “in the mix”? Can Dan Hardy string together his first back-to-back wins since 2009? Will Matt Wiman be just another notch on Paul “Sassangle” Sass‘s sassbelt? And WTF is wrong with Kyle Kingsbury, anyway? The answers to most of those questions will be revealed shortly.

Handling liveblog business for the UFC on FUEL 5 main card broadcast is George Shunick, who will be stacking round-by-round results after the jump beginning at 4 p.m. ET / 1 p.m PT. Let us know how you feel in the comments section, and refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest. And as always, thanks for spending part of your weekend with us.

Welcome, fight freaks, to this stacked relevant British card on Fuel TV. I expect most of you will be getting your updates on the internet for this event, considering half of you don’t have Fuel TV, and the other half can’t find it. Fortunately Potato Nation,  that’s why we’re here. Now, on to the fights!

Prelim Results (as if you care):

Robbie Peralta def. Jason Young via Round 1 TKO

Gunnar Nelson def. DaMarques Johnson via Round 1 Submission

Brad Tavares def. Tom Watson via Split Decision

Akira Corassani def. Andy Ogle via Split Decision

Jimi Manuwa def. Kyle Kingsbury via Kingsbu’s eye being battered into oblivion (Round 2)

Now that that’s out of the way, on to our first fight.

Che Mills vs. Duane Ludwig

Round 1: The fighters touch gloves. Mills works dirty boxing the clinch, lands a knee and takes Ludwig down.  Passes to side control. Ludwig sweeps, stands, eats a knee and is back underneath, pondering the futility of his actions. Mills working elbows from side control. Ludwig regains guard, Mills lands elbows. Ludwig goes for an armbar, Mills stands and misses a huge right hand. They stand, Ludwig collapses and points to his knee and it’s done. Replay shows his knee just gives out. Possibly a torn ACL.

Che Mills def. Duane Ludwig via knee implosion of Round 1 Very disappointing for Ludwig. Che Mills doesn’t look terribly thrilled either. Hopefully Ludwig will be able to recover and get back to fighting soon. He’s an entertaining guy who always brings the violence. Mills says he loves to fight for the fans and, ever receptive to transparent flattery, the mob showers him with adoration. First win for a British fighter so far.

Next up is a fight from the prelims: Robbie Peralta and Jason Young. I predict a 23 second knockout for Peralta. 23 seconds later, Robbie Peralta gets the knockout. Damn, I’m good.

Next up, British rising star John Hathaway takes on British submission specialist John Maguire. I’ll go out on a limb here and predict the Brit will take this one.

John Hathaway vs. John Maguire

Round 1: The welterweights touch gloves. They feel each other out for the first 30 seconds. Hathaway attempts a high kick, which is blocked. 1 minute in, little action. Hathaway lands a low kick. Hathaway moves forward, lands a few punches and a knee. They reset. 2 minutes in, nothing of significance has landed. Nice counter left by Maguire. Hathaway almost lands a head kick. Goes high again, and is blocked. Neither guy looks comfortable in their stand-up. Hathaway lands a take down, but his momentum sends him flying into the fence, well past Maguire. They stand. (Ugh.) Maguire lands a few nice shots. Maguire shoots, but Hathaway hits the switch and… they stand. The bell sounds. 10-10, really, but if I had to guess I’d say the judges lean Hathaway because he controlled the center of the Octagon.

Round 2: Hathaway telegraphs a right and misses wildly. Lands an inside leg kick. Hits a head kick! Hathaway leaps in a clinches with Maguire along the fence and takes him down. He’s in half guard, landing short hammerfists to Maguire temple. Maguire controlling his posture, attempts to sweep him. Hathaway stands, lowers into guard. Maguire attempts a triangle, now working out of half butterfly guard. Hathaway landing short shots, Maguire still controlling his posture. Hathaway stands, goes back into half guard. Now mixing shots to the body. Maguire regains guard, Hathaway stands again, then takes a knee and grabs half guard. Landing more punches, passes to side control. Hathaway landing shots to Maguire’s head, and Maguire is beginning to tire. Hathaway is relentless, if not terribly violent. He stands and the bell sounds. 10-9 Hathaway.

Round 3: The fighters touch gloves again. Hathaway misses a front kick. He’s pressing forward, though, and Maguire has no answer for him on the feet. Hathaway lands a knee against the cage. Maguire lands a left, but he hasn’t put together combinations and he’s having trouble getting inside on Hathaway. Hathaway isn’t landing anything of substance, though, but he’s controlling the fight. Hathaway finally lands a right hand following a blocked head kick. This is becoming a glorified sparring match. Maguire shoots and lands a takedown! Passes to side control. Can the gypsy jiu-jitsu expert get a submission with one minute left? Hathaway recovers half guard, now full guard. Hathaway throwing elbows from the bottom. They exchange, with Maguire seemingly content to sit in full guard. He stands and Hathaway lands upkicks as the bell sounds. 10-9 Hathaway, who should take the unanimous decision.

John Hathaway takes the unanimous decision (30-27′s all around). No surprises there. Hathaway looked unimpressive in victory and Maguire looked even more unimpressive in defeat. British MMA, people! At least it isn’t Ultimate Ball.

Paul Sass vs. Matt Wiman

Round 1: Two exciting lightweights about to square off. Sass’ ground game ain’t nothing to fuck with. They touch gloves, Sass grabs the single. That was quick. Working from full guard, he maneuvers them to the fence. Sass lands body shots as Wiman controls his posture. Nice elbows from Sass. Wiman answeering from the bottom. Sass goes for a leg lock, but can’t get it. Now he goes for an omoplata! Wiman escapes. Sass sweeps and gets the takedown. Sass goes for another ankle lock, abandons it. Now Sass is caught in a triangle! But he escapes. Wiman throwing elbows. Sass lands some huge shots from the top! Wiman going for an armbar. Sass throws a knee while defending. Wiman gets the armbar! That’s it, Wiman beats Sass at his own game. Easily the best fight so far.

Matt Wiman def. Paul Sass via armbar in one round. Matt Wiman is holding back tears in the post-fight interview. Not because he’s overwhelmed by emotions, but because interviewer Jon Anik smells like onions. Then he makes silly faces at cameras.

Now we’re treated to another prelim fight: Iceland’s Gunnar Nelson against DaMarques Johnson. Solid, entertaining affair that showed just why so many people are talking about Nelson as he submits Johnson with a rear naked choke in the first round. Dude fights with the calm, cold demeanor of certain other fighter from the northern wastes. He just needs a sweater with mystical violence-enhancing abilities.

Up next is possibly the most exciting fight of the night – which is saying something after Wiman vs. Sass – as Brad Pickett takes on Yves Jabouin. Really excited for this one. I think I’ll call my friends using my MetroPCS service while I reach for a NOS energy dri- oh god, these commercials are destroying my brain.

Brad Pickett vs. Yves Jabouin

Round 1: Fighters touch gloves, Pickett moves forward. Then he gets poked in the eye. He says he’s OK. Pickett swinging wildly while Jabouin going for kicks. Pickett lands a jab. Jabouin lands a high kick, followed by knees and kicks. Pickett lands a left hook. Jabouin land a kick. They exchange with both landing. Big knee from Jabouin, but Pickett lands counter hooks. Pickett lands an uppercut, followed by a hook. Jabouin lands a right straight. Pickett goes flying in with a hook. Right to the body by Pickett, Jabouin lands a spinning back kick, stuffs a takedown. OH MY GOD! Pickett lands a HUGE uppercut and Jabouin is OUT! Wow. Pickett plays to the crowd, possibly attempting to incite a riot. Replay shows Pickett followed up with two violent shots. No doubt there – Jabouin is out cold. KO of the Night, no doubt.

Brad Pickett def. Yves Jabouin via first round KO. Very thankful Pickett ended that fight in the first round – live-blogging bantamweights is not easy. Replays show Pickett did the Gangnam dance after the fight. Someone get a .gif of that ASAP. Well, that was satisfying. Pickett puts on his trilby hat, gives his interview in barely comprehensible Brit-speak, and leaves the cage. Like a boss.

Dan Hardy vs. Amir Sadollah

Woah, we get walkouts for this one! Amir walks out to unidentifiable dance music. The original MMA hipster enters the cage, and the lights go out right before Dan Hardy’s music hits. Hardy comes out with the trademark bandana and “England Belongs to Me” by the Sex Pistols Cock Sparrer. (Dur.) The crowd eats it up and sings along.

Dan Hardy vs. Amir Sadollah

Round 1: The crowd chants “Hardy!” as Bruce Buffer announces the fighters, before booing Amir. (I’m not typing “Sadollah” over and over.) The Hardy chants come back for the staredown. Fight starts, they don’t touch gloves. Amir takes the center of the Octagon. Amir lands a kick and eats a counter. Hardy blocks some shots. Amir lands a low kick. Then another. Inside leg kick Hardy. Amir goes for a head kick and misses. They exchange, neither connecting with anything hard. Hardy lands a left hook. Then another. Low kick Amir. Inside leg kick Amir. Big right from Hardy. Another inside leg kick from Amir. Hardy is looking for the left hook and lands it. Misses with a right, but lands a jab. Amir returns the favor as the crowd chants “Hardy”. Sadollah gets a body lock and pushes Hardy into the fence. They exchange knees, and Hardy reverses position. Hardy lands an elbow and they exchange knees some more. They separate. Big shots from Hardy! Hardy grabs a Muay Thai clinch, lands some knees and they’re back on the fence. Another big elbow from Hardy. Amir counters with dirty boxing. The round ends as Hardy attempts a hip toss. 10-9 for the Brit.

Round 2: Hardy checks a kick, lands a knee as Amir comes in. High kick blocked by Amir. Hardy lands a low kick. Nice counter left by Amir. Hardy snapping that left hook. Cross by Hardy. Right to the body by Hardy followed by an inside leg kick. Big right hand by Hardy. He’s in total control this round. Hardy lands a double leg! (What? Is this the real Dan Hardy we’re watching?) Sadollah stands, Hardy presses him against the fence.  Amir trying to get a body lock, but he can’t get off the fence. Wait, yes he can. He reverses position. But then Hardy returns the favor. Nice left by Sadollah. They separate. Low kicks from Sadollah. Another double leg from Hardy! Throws an elbow to the body, Sadollah working from half butterfly guard. Now full guard.  Ground and pound from Hardy. Sadollah angling for an armlock. Hardy landing hammerfists, almost in side control. The bell sounds, another round for Hardy.

Round 3: Counter left from Hardy. Hardy backing Amir up, but not laning too much. They exchange kicks. Hardy goes for a takedown, but Amir defends along the fence. They’re in the clinch again. Hardy lands a knee. Amir goes for a trip, doesn’t land it, but he switches position on the fence. They break. Hardy lands a left hook, dives in for a superman punch and Amir ducks and goes for a takedown. Hardy defends and they’re on the fence. Hardy looks like the fresher fighter. Amir goes for a head kick and slips. Hardy charges forward, grabs a body lock and nails the takedown. Hardy lands shots while Amir attempts triangles and armbars. Hardy lands some short elbows as he defends. Amir has trouble maneuvering with the fence in his way. More elbows from Hardy. Big ones now. Amir is cut. Hardy continues to punish him. Amir rolls out, shoots for a single. Hardy answers with a knee. Hardy lands a big combo punctuated by a left hook. Dominant round for Hardy, who should take all the rounds on the scorecards.

Hardy takes the decision 29-28 on two cards and 30-27 on the third. Hardy screams “OYYY-OYYYY!” or something in the microphone. The mob responds in kind. Hardy showed a new wrinkle in his game today, and it paid off for him. For Sadollah, it was a rough night, but still a solid fight. Hardy dances with his cornermen and leaves the ring. Those cheeky Brits. Next up: THE MAAAAAIIIIIINNN EVENT. OF THE EVENING!

Stefan Struve vs. Stipe Miocic

Stipe Miocic enters to Linkin Park, despite not being a prepubescent suburban white kid from 2002. -100 for you, sir. Stefan Struve enters to… Godsmack. The state of MMA entrance music is not looking too good right now.

Round 1: The fighters high five. Miocic takes the center of the Octagon. Immediately, it appears Miocic will have trouble closing the distance. He throws a left hook, right cross. Both blocked by Struve. Doubles up on the jab, but Struve backs away. Lands a body shot. And another. Inside leg kick by Miocic. He goes to the body again. And again. That looks like his gameplan. Struve moves forward, lands a left hook. Jab by Miocic. Miocic is beginning to get inside. Inside leg kick Miocic. Then an overhand right. Struve throws a head kick, thena  flying knee. Miocic works the body some more. Knee by Struve. More shots to the body by Miocic, followed by a right. Struve hits a knee, Miocic takes him down but jumps out of a leglock attempt. They stand. Head kick Struve, but Miocic counters. Struve misses a knee. Another shot to the body. Miocic catches a kick, but misses the counter. More body work. Jab by Struve, then a knee. Big leg kick from Struve. Big jab from Miocic. The bell sounds, 10-9 Miocic.

Round 2: Inside leg kick Miocic. Big kick to the body by Struve. Miocic doubles his jab, but gets kicked in the balls on the way in. After a brief break, the action resumes. Left hook, cross form Miocic. He follows up with uppercuts. Inside leg kicks from both men, and Miocic escapes a clinch attempt. Struve is looking to take this fight down. jabs from Struve. Body shot from Miocic. Left hook from Struve, who is loosening up. Body shots from Miocic. Struve now rushes forward. Miocic is hurt. Struve throwing uppercuts. They break. Miocic still isn’t 100%. Struve landing uppercuts again. Miocic is retreating. But lands a BIG left hook. BIG right hand from Miocic. Both guys have been hurt. Miocic is wobbly, but landing heavy shots. Right from Miocic. Big combo from Struve! Body shot from miocic. Miocic slipped, Struve takes advantage and unloads on Miocic. Miocic stays on his feet, but he’s out of it. Herb Dean steps in and that’s all she wrote. Legit stoppage. Struve wins via TKO.

Stefan Struve def. Stipe Miocic by TKO in the second round. Struve looks much improved on the feet, at least when he actually decides to set his offense up with a jab. When he started doing that in the second round, he became a completely different fighter. Still, for a guys who’s so tall and has such a long reach, he really needs to find a way to be less hittable if he wants to contend for the title any time soon. As for Miocic, this is definitely a setback. He landed some serious shorts, but he couldn’t really get past Struve’s jab. That was the beginning of the end.

Speaking of the end, that’s it for the fights! You may now return to your normally scheduled Saturday programming of imbibing massive quantities of alcohol with your fellow amoral miscreants. Goodnight Potato Nation!

UFC 152: Jones vs. Belfort — Live Results & Commentary


(“And *that’s* what I think of your wife’s titties. Yeah! Boo me, bitches! BOO MEEEEEEEEEEEE!” / Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle. For more photos from this gallery, click here.)

In the breakneck world of the UFC, a six-week hiatus between events feels like an eternity. But absence makes the heart grow fond, and if you’re anything like us, you’re super freakin’ pumped to watch some fights tonight. It doesn’t matter that the UFC light-heavyweight champion is defending his belt against a middleweight in a PRIDE New Year’s Eve-caliber squash match, or that the flyweight championship co-main event will very likely go to decision, or that Michael Bisping is the biggest asshole east of the Atlantic. Because when you add those guys up — and toss in Brian Stann, featherweight fight-finisher Charles Oliveira, and the return of Matt Hamill — you’ve got one of the most talent-rich UFC main cards of the year. Thanks, Jon.

Handling our liveblog for the UFC 152: Jones vs. Belfort pay-per-view broadcast is beloved CagePotato feature writer Jim Genia, who will be stacking round-by-round results after the jump beginning at 10 p.m. ET / 7 p.m. PT. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest, and tell us what you’re drinking in the comments section.


(“And *that’s* what I think of your wife’s titties. Yeah! Boo me, bitches! BOO MEEEEEEEEEEEE!” / Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle. For more photos from this gallery, click here.)

In the breakneck world of the UFC, a six-week hiatus between events feels like an eternity. But absence makes the heart grow fond, and if you’re anything like us, you’re super freakin’ pumped to watch some fights tonight. It doesn’t matter that the UFC light-heavyweight champion is defending his belt against a middleweight in a PRIDE New Year’s Eve-caliber squash match, or that the flyweight championship co-main event will very likely go to decision, or that Michael Bisping is the biggest asshole east of the Atlantic. Because when you add those guys up — and toss in Brian Stann, featherweight fight-finisher Charles Oliveira, and the return of Matt Hamill — you’ve got one of the most talent-rich UFC main cards of the year. Thanks, Jon.

Handling our liveblog for the UFC 152: Jones vs. Belfort pay-per-view broadcast is beloved CagePotato feature writer Jim Genia, who will be stacking round-by-round results after the jump beginning at 10 p.m. ET / 7 p.m. PT. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest, and tell us what you’re drinking in the comments section.

UFC 152 preliminary card quick results:
– Vinny Magalhães def. Igor Pokrajac via submission (armbar), 1:14 of round 2
– TJ Grant def. Evan Dunham via unanimous decision (29-28 x 2, 30-27)
– Sean Pierson def. Lance Benoist via unanimous decision (29-28 x 3)
– Marcus Brimage def. Jimy Hettes via unanimous decision (29-28 x 3)
– Seth Baczynski def. Simeon Thoresen via KO, 4:10 of round 1
– Mitch Gagnon def. Walel Watson via submission (rear-naked choke), 1:09 of round 1
– Kyle Noke def. Charlie Brenneman via TKO, 0:45 of round 1

Greetings, Potato dudes.  It is I, Jim Genia, about to render you some UFC 151 livebloggery.  You ready for some MMA jibber-jabba?

First up: Cub Swanson vs. Charles Oliveira

Swanson was more or less a ham-and-egger during his tenure in the WEC, but he’s been looking good in the Octagon of late.  Oliveira, meanwhile, failed to make the featherweight cutoff by 0.2 pounds, so it’s okay to call him “Fatty” for this bout.

Round 1: Both men start off be feeling each other out with various kicks and punches, with Oliveira’s reach advantage apparent from the outset.  The Brazilian gets a takedown before a minute passes, but Swanson’s guard is solid and in no time the WEC vet is back on his feet.  If that brief turnabout instills Swanson with any confidence of his chances on the ground, his power on the feet makes it all irrelevant.  The American blasts Oliveira with a left hook body blow, and a few second later he wings an overhand right to the eye socket that drops the Brazilian like a sack of potatoes (tenuous pun intended).  That’s all she wrote.

Cub Swanson def. Charles Oliveira via KO (Punch) at 2:40, Round 1.

Next: Matt Hamill vs. Roger Hollett

TUF veteran Hamill – the toughest deaf dude around – returns from retirment to take on the Canadian Hollett, whose claim to fame is almost getting ganked by Bellator’s rigorous fighter contracts.  Question: how does Hamill choose his walkout music?  Okay, I’m going to hell.

Round 1: Hamill comes out aggressive, chasing his foe down with jabs and low-kicks.  It takes nearly a minute for Hollett to lose the deer-caught-in-the-headlights look and fire back with a right hand of his own, but someone stepped into this cage with a boatload of confidence, and it ain’t the Canadian.  The chase continues, with Hamill landing about six strikes for every one of Hollett’s.  The TUFer gets the takedown with a minute and a half left in the round, and after dumping Hollett onto the canvas, he wrestler-rides him and peppers the turtled fighter nonstop with a barrage of short punches.  Hollett makes it back to his feet with ten seconds left and nails the American in the gut with a punch, and then the bell rings.

Round 2: Hollett comes out pretty stiff, but Hamill just stands there, so the UFC rookie throws a few single punches and a spinning back-kick.  A minute and a half in, Hamill rushes forward and easily gets the takedown, but nothing really happens while he’s in Hollett’s guard, and the Canadian kicks him away and stands.  Hamill looks winded – did his barrage in the first round tire him out?  Hollett gains in confidence, and when it becomes apparent that Hamill is less-than-dangerous, Hollett opens up a little more with his punches (and he even throws another spinning back-kick).  The pace slows even more, with Hamill looking like he didn’t know this bout was slated for three rounds so he trained only for one.  He does get another takedown in the waning seconds of the round, but, blah.  The bell rings.

Round 3: Hamill comes out moving forward a little more, and after a minute passes, he shoots for a double-leg and succeeds in getting his foe down near the cage.  Hollett rolls to his knees and turtles again, so again the American rides him and feeds him some love-taps.  With a little over two minutes left Hollett gets back to his feet, but Hamill shoots for another takedown and we’re left wondering if the Canadian spent too much time training spinning kicks and not enough time wrestling.  Not much output by Hamill in terms of ground and pound from top position, but when referee Dan Miragliotta stands them, Hamill effortless gets Hollett down.  Time runs out with Hamill huffing and puffing while delivering the kind of punches from above that would instill fear in no man.  Regardless, it’s pretty obvious who deserves the decision.

Matt Hamill def. Roger Hollett via Unanimous Decision (29-28, 30-27, 30-27)

Next: Michael Bisping vs. Brian Stann

Bisping, a TUF 3 winner and the UFC’s resident mouthy Brit, is about to do the man-dance with Stann, who’s a strong puncher, a former WEC champ, and is most famous for being a member of the G.I. Joe team.

Round 1: As soon as Bruce Buffer announces that this bout is sponsored by Corn Nuts (“Corn to the core!”), expectations for fireworks are suddenly high.  The bout begins with Stann coming forward, Bisping circling out to his opponent’s weak side, and then some huggery against the cage.  They seperate about a minute and fifteen seconds in, and for about a minute they stand in front of each other and display some sweet boxing punches and footwork.  The Brit tries to mix things up with a takedown attempt – which Stann expertly stuffs – and then to two ding each other with kicks tot he man-berries.  After a brief pause they resume the bangfest, and after Bisping fails another takedown attempt, he eats a knuckle sandwich that wobbles him.  He survives to the bell.

Round 2: Bisping is clearly the better boxer technically, but Stann’s got the edge in power, so after about thirty seconds have passed in the second he goes for – and succeeds in getting – a takedown.  He lands in side-control, yet the dominant position yields no fruit and Stann reverses him.  The two scramble and wind up on their knees, and the Brit briefly gains the upper-hand with front head-control before they return to their feet.  With thirty seconds left Bisping nails another takedown, dumping the American onto his back, and the round ends with Bisping trying to land some big leather from above.

Round 3: Forty seconds into the third round sees Bisping getting another takedown, but Stann pops back up and feeds the Brit a right hand.  The TUF winner can clearly win on points if he can maintain the pressure with his takedowns and his jab, but Stann’s got the power to turn his thick Cockney accent into something Professor Higgins would be proud of, so anything can still happen.  Does the American manage to find the KO?  No.  Thanks to a three more takedown attempts, two of which are successful, Bisping is able to avoid slumber, and when time runs out it’s no stretch to imagine the Brit did enough to take it.

Michael Bisping def. Brian Stann via Unanimous Decision (29-28, 29-28, 29-28)

Postfight, Bisping gives props to his opponent, stating that Stann is a “tough son of gun”.  Joe Rogan strokes him re: his cardio, and Bisping says that he’s hungry.  “This is mah time.”  Then he asks Rogan if he “laks dags”, and tries to sell him a Perriwinkle blue trailer.  Or something.

Next: Joseph Benavidez vs. Demetrious Johnson

It’s time for the first-ever UFC flyweight championship bout, with Benavidez and Johnson vying for a belt that probably weighs more than they do.  Seriously, Frank Mir has eaten more than their combined poundage in one sitting, so ascribe value to this fight accordingly.

Round 1: Benavidez takes the center of the Octagon and Johnson flits about like a yellowjacket, wary of the Team Alpha Male reps power while he tries to give him his sting.  Johnson succeeds in tagging him with a left, and after some brief (but furious) wrestling clinchwork, they continue to zoom about.  After Johnson hits him a right hand, Benavidez turns up the heat with his wrestling – clearly trying to slow his foe down.  With about three seconds left in the round, Benavidez rolls for an ill-advised kneebar, and Johnson pegs him with one hammerfist before the bell rings.

Round 2: Johnson continues to be an elusive ball of movement, and when Benavidez manages to tie him up in the opening seconds of the second round, Johnson is able to stifle every attack.  When they reset, Benavidez does score here and there with the occasional kick and punch, divining where his opponent will be with probably skill mixed with magic.  At the three-and-a-half minute mark Benavidez flubs a takedown, Johnson shucks him off and gets behind him briefly, and Benavidez manages to score in the final seconds.

Round 3: Benavidez keeps up the pressure and tries to land something heavy, and “Mighty Mouse” doesn’t let up in zooming in and out.  A right hand by Johnson manages to open a small cut near Benavidez’s eye, and at the three-minute mark Benavidez gets Johnson down for all of .4 seconds before they’re back on the feet.  Johnson nails him with another solid punch before the round ends – which probably earns him the round.

Round 4: Benavidez blasts Johnson with a right hand 45 seconds into the fourth, and he pounces on the fallen fighter and sinks a tight guillotine from mount.  Johnson survives, though, and swivels into a heelhook attempt.  Benavidez defends and gets back on top, but Johnson escapes back to his feet and winds up on top briefly when Benavidez whiffs a throw.  A seconds later they’re back on their feet, and Johnson flips the script and gets a takedown of his own, then another.  The round ends with Johnson in side-control.

Round 5: The final round, and I’d say it’s nigh-impossible to know for sure who’s ahead on points.  Forty seconds in and Johnson gets a double-leg takedown, and when Benavidez gets back up to his feet, Johnson dumps him down again.  But again they stand, and we’re back to the lightning-like delivery of strikes.  Johnson gets another takedown about a minute later – his ability to change levels making all the difference in the world.  Benavidez keeps looking for that stunning punch or kick, and he even goes for a fruitless takedown attempt of his own, and the clock runs down to zero with the crowd booing and Benavidez unable to hit Johnson with anything with meaning.  So who is the UFC’s inaugural 125-pound king?

Demetrious Johnson def. Joseph Benavidez via Split Decision (48-47, 47-48, 49-46)

Postfight, and Rogan asks him if winning is everything he expected.  Johnson says Benavidez is a great opponent, that “it means the world”, and that he did his job.

Next, the main event: Jon Jones vs. Vitor Belfort

UFC light-heavyweight demigod Jones earned his belt by destroying the best in the division.  Belfort earned this shot at the belt because Dan Henderson is old and damn his old knee and UFC 151 being cancelled.  Boo!

Round 1: Jones comes out in his usual crouch and Belfort responds by trying to kick him in the head (!).  The champ stands, plants a side-kick on Belfort’s knee, and almost effortlessly takes the Brazilian down.  However, before Jones can mount any offense, Belfort swings into an armbar from the guard, and sweet Jesus does he almost get it.  “Bones” defends, and after some work, manages to slip out of it.  From within Belfort’s guard, Jones delivers punishment, rendering him bloody while fending off two more armbar attempts.  The round clearly goes to Jones, but damn was that initial armbar close.

Round 2: Belfort starts off the second round winging a high-kick, while Jones seems to find joy by keeping the Brazilian on the end of his low side-kick.  The length of the champ’s limbs are most certainly presenting the challenger with a riddle, and though Belfort is able to fire off a couple more high-kicks and throw some punches to the body, the riddle remains unsolved.  With about a minute and a half left in the frame, Belfort pulls guard, but aside from a triangle choke attempt with only a few scant seconds left on the clock, neither man really hurts the other.

Round 3: Jones keeps up the long-distance onslaught with his kicks, and a minute into the round he lands one to the body that crumples the Brazilian.  Jones delivers an axe-kick to the body, but again, from within Belfort’s guard, he does nothing and they end up back on their feet.  With two minutes left, Belfort pulls guard, yet all Jones can seem to do is pass to half-guard and grind him half-heartedly.

Round 4: Belfort has about five seconds of pep in him, and he uses it to throw a high-kick and a few flashes of leather.  But he pulls guard and Jones doesn’t hesitate to slide into side-control, where he deftly applies the keylock that earns him the tap out.  Jones defends his belt.

Jon Jones def. Vitor Belfort via Submission (Keylock) at :54, Round 4

Postfight, and Jones says “he got that armbar in every way, shape and form… But I worked too hard to give up.”  He goes on to say he was going to let it break.  “It was numb.”  How does the win feel with all the adversity?  “It feels great…  I really feel like a stronger young man talking to you today.”

Rogan gives kudos to Belfort, too.  Says Belfort, the arm “was cracking and popping.”  The Brazilian alludes to a training injury that factored in to him dropping from that kick to the body.  Then Jones and Belfort join in and praise God together, and toss Watchtowers into the audience.

 

That’s it for me, amigos.  Adios, and don’t forget to tip your waiter.

‘UFC 151: Henderson vs. Jones’ Live Results & Commentary. Wait, What?!

For an event that was to be headlined by two of the sports all-time greats, and a supporting cast that was pretty much garbage-ass, it’s disappointing that tonight you have no PPV to watch, no excuse to spend even more time at Hooters, and no good reason not to attend the wedding your girlfriend has been nagging you about going to. But if you thought that was going to stop us from milking this thing for everything its got, you are severely wrong, my friend.

Taking the reigns tonight is longtime CagePotato contributor/Twitter pseudo celebrity Jason Moles. This card will either be a smashing success thanks to the main event or a failure of epic proportions thanks to everything else. Stick around, insult him in the comments section, and be sure to tell all of your friends about the only UFC 151 liveblog on the internet (EVER!) can be found. Now let’s get to it.

For an event that was to be headlined by two of the sports all-time greats, and a supporting cast that was pretty much garbage-ass, it’s disappointing that tonight you have no PPV to watch, no excuse to spend even more time at Hooters, and no good reason not to attend the wedding your girlfriend has been nagging you about going to. But if you thought that was going to stop us from milking this thing for everything its got, you are severely wrong, my friend.

Taking the reigns tonight is longtime CagePotato contributor/Twitter pseudo celebrity Jason Moles. This card will either be a smashing success thanks to the main event or a failure of epic proportions thanks to everything else. Stick around, insult him in the comments section, and be sure to tell all of your friends about the only UFC 151 liveblog on the internet (EVER!) can be found. Now let’s get to it.

Preliminary card results
– Michael Johnson def. Danny Castillo via unanimous decision (29-28 x 2, 30-27)
– Jeff Hougland def. Takeya Mizugaki via submission (triangle choke), 1:12 of round 3
– Tim Means def. Abel Trujillo via TKO, 2:04 of round 1
– Daron Cruickshank def. Henry Martinez via submission (armbar), 2:59 of round 2
– Jacob Volkmann def. Shane Roller via unanimous decision (30-27 x 2, 30-28)
– Charlie Brenneman def. Kyle Noke via TKO due to injury (eyeball popped out of socket; GIF to come ASAP), 4:29 of round 2

John Lineker vs. Yasuhiro Urishitani

Before we get started, I’m not typing Urshitani twenty times so he will be known as YU from here on out. Both men looked pumped. Lots of pressure to start the night of right.

Round 1: Lineker lands a nice leg kick. They both trade a few jabs. YU shoots for the takedown and gets it. Does a little G&P before Lineker wall walks his way up the cage. They separate. Both looking to make their move. It’s YU who gets another takedown. Lineker sweeps, very impressive. Lineker raining down punches. YU grabs hold of his arms. The bell sounds.

Round 2: Lineker comes out guns blazing. YU shoots for a takedown and gets stuffed. Shoots again successfully. Lineker looking for a kimura. He’s got it. Looks to be locked in. Rogan is going bananas! YU escapes and gets butterfly guard. Lineker looking to drop bombs but gets his arm caught. YU has an armbar locked in! There’s the tapout. It’s all over!

Winner: Yasuhiro Urishitani, 2:55 of round 2, submission due to armbar.

Dennis Hallman vs. Thiago Tavares

Ya know, every time I see Hallman wearing anything more than a bananna hammock I do cartwheels around my living room. Tonight is no different.

Round 1: The crowd is already booing. Looked like Tavares may have kicked as Hallman as he was attempting to touch gloves. Not to worry, Hallman is more than game to return the favor with a well-timed kick of his own. Hallman shoots a double leg. Back right up on the feet. Tavares lands a nice hook. Hallman answers with a huge right that sends Tavares to the mat. Tavares is bleeding but gets back to his feet. They clinch. If this were on FX, they’d have to swing by Home Depot for more spray paint — looks someone sacrificed a small animal in there. They break. Hallman lands an elbow backing away. Tavares is hurt but is saved by the horn.

Round 2: Seeing Arianny up close never gets old, amirite? Hallman is attacking like there’s no tomorrow. Lefts and rights flying. Tavares still bleeding like a stuck pig. Tavares moving well, too bad it’s towards Hallman’s right hand. Did this guy not see Bisping vs. Henderson at UFC 100? Hallman cuts him off, slips a hook, and boom! – Tavares is out.

Winner: Dennis Hallman, 1:35 of round 2, KO

Dennis Siver vs. Eddie Yagin

It’s not fair to call Dennis Siver a one-trick pony, but it’s not like he’s got an entire arsenal at his disposal either. If there’s one thing Eddie Yagin needed to prepare for, it’s that sick spinning back kick. Siver walking out to “Last Resort” by Papa Roach. Ahh, good times. Yagin proving he’s the more sophisticated music lover with “American Badass” by Kid Rock.

Round 1: Siver opens up with a punch, kick and 3-4 solid strikes. Yagin tries to clinch, gets it. Dirty boxing against the cage. Siver breaks free and drops Yagin with a left head kick. He pounces but Yagin has recovered. Back to the clinch. Yagin shoots for a takedown and fails. Siver gets walked back and peppered with a few jabs followed by a hook. Siver blocks a head kick. End of round one. Feeling out process over, I hope.

Round 2: Siver eats a head kick. Yagin gets the clinch but does nothing. Both men tired of hugging and start fighting. Nice little back and forth here. Not sure what happened but Siver is cut. Yagin gets him against the cage and continues the punishment. Siver moves away and lands a nice body kick. Yagin stays light on his feet and gets another takedown. Full mount and lands several shots to the head. Siver gives up his back. After a scramble, Siver is on top and moves to side control. Horn.

Round 3: Siver’s cut looks nasty. Not goat vagina nasty, but still. Siver finds his range and lands a few body kicks. Excellent head kick cuts Yagin. Spinning back kick!!! Left hook by Siver. Yagin counters. These two are just banging! Another head kick by Siver. Back and forth: I punch you – you punch me. Siver gets taken down, reverses and gets locked in a triangle. Siver powers out of it. On the feet they trade some more. Horn. This one’s going to the judges.

Winner: Dennis Siver, 29-28 Unanimous Decision

Jake Ellenberger vs. Jay Hieron

Ellenberger doesn’t care about the Eminem Curse, trots to the cage as ‘Till I Collapse’ plays over the speakers. Hieron gets his hat stolen by some groupie. That should rake in about tree-fiddy on eBay. I should mention that this isn’t the first time these two have met. At IFL: Championship 2006 “The Thoroughbred” took Ellenberger the full three rounds and won a decision. Will tonight be any different?

Round 1: No feeling out process for these hungry lions. Hieron’s got a lot riding on tonight. Both trade leather. Ellenberger gets a double leg and knocks some sense to the returning UFC fighter. Hieron sweeps and land a few nice shots of his own. Hieron goes for an armbar. HOLY $%&@!!! Jay Hieron taps out Jake Ellenberger!!! Welcome back to the UFC! Just before he talks with Rogan, his corner slips a wreath around his neck. Well, can’t say I saw that one coming.

Winner: Jay Hieron, 1:07 of round 1, submission due to armbar.

Finally, the moment we’ve all been waiting for. Jon “Bones” Jones defends his UFC Light heavyweight title for the first time since driving drunk and crashing his Bentley against 40 year old TRT king, Dan “Hendo” Henderson. If Henderson wins, does that make him the light heavyweight GOAT?

Jon Jones vs. Dan Henderson

Ahh yes, the extended fight preview to make up for the quick finishes. Now is the time to grab a quick snack or hit the can. You won’t want to miss anything after Buffer starts screaming.

Jones looks nervous, but he always does (I think so, anyway) and he always wins. Henderson looks happy to have a chance to finally win that elusive UFC gold. No matter the outcome, Hendo is a legend and has his spot reserved in the UFC Hall of Fame.

Round 1: Let’s do this! Jones runs across the cage and lands a flying knee. Shoots for a takedown, but Hendo’s wrestling stuffs it almost immediately. Dan shoots and gets a takedown. Hendo can’t hold the young lion. Jones back on his feet but Dan is boxing him into the fence. Henderson trips him and moves into half guard. Jones eats a few punches but manages to escape. Henderson clinches and dirty boxes Jones. Jones drops levels and gets the takedown. Jones cant hold him. Hendo back up. Jones lands a spinning back fist that cuts the former PRIDE champ. End of round 1.

Round 2: Jones using his reach quite well. Lighting up Hendo. Now they’re both trading leather. Hendo bloodies Jones. Never saw this before! Henderson smells blood and gets the takedown. They scramble and both trade top position. Hendo gets full mount but seems too tired to do anything with it. There we go, he’s dropping elbows now. I wonder if Jones even knew he could bleed? Henderson peppers him with pillow punches until the horn. Shouldn’t the ref have stood them up?

Round 3: Dan “waists” no time trying to get the champ to the ground. Jones on his back, Hendo in half guard, a few strikes getting through. Bones blocking most. Henderson finds an opening and rocks Jones. Quickly recovers and back on the feet, Jones is truly being tested for the first time in his pro career. Henderson clinches and tosses him to the mat. Side control and H Bombs are firing. Herb Dean calling for the champ to protect himself . Hendo continues the onslaught. That’s it! We have a new champion! Dan Henderson has now won the most prized crown in all of combat sports: the UFC championship! The crowd is nucking futs. They’ve just witnessed history. Buffer seems ultra exited to declare Henderson the new champ.

Winner: Dan Henderson, 3:10 of round 3, TKO

Henderson says he’s not done fighting yet, but admits it won’t be too long before he hands up the gloves and puts his teeth back in. As all champions should, Henderson tells Rogan that he’ll face whomever Joe Silva and Dana White put in front of him. He then thanks his fans, the UFC, and his sponsors. Surprisingly, no mention of TRT.

Jones apologizes for his performance and apologizes to the fans and the UFC. Joe asks him what’s next and he says he’ll head back to Jackson’s and watch the tape to see what went wrong. Says he’ll be back stronger than ever, and he too, will face anyone they put in the cage with him, unless, you know, it’s on short notice.

End-of-night bonuses:

Submission of the Night: Jay Hieron

KO of the Night: Dennis Hallman

Fight of the Night: John Lineker vs. Yasuhiro Urishitani

Strikeforce: Rousey vs. Kaufman — Live Results & Commentary


(“You want to go somewhere else? That creepy fat guy has been staring at us all night.” / Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle. For more pics from this set, click here.)

Tonight, we’re gonna have ourselves a real good time, we feel ali-hi-hi-hiiiive. Ronda Rousey — the lightning-rod heel-champion of women’s MMA — will attempt to defend her Strikeforce 135-pound title against former champ Sarah Kaufman, most likely by first-round armbar. (The winner will face Cris Cyborg immediately afterwards in the parking lot.) Before that, we’ve got a bunch of men’s fights that seem way less interesting by comparison. For instance, former Strikeforce middleweight champion Ronaldo “Jacare” Souza is in the co-main event spot against 9-1 middleweight Derek “The Human Blanket (!)” Brunson, while Tarec Saffiedine, Roger Bowling, Lumumba Sayers, and Ovince St. Preux round out the crew of featured fighters who you might have heard of before.

Handling the thankless job of spelling out all these names in tonight’s liveblog is CagePotato weekend warrior Anthony Gannon, who will be providing round-by-round results from the Showtime main card broadcast after the jump, beginning at 10 p.m. ET. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest and please make your presence known in the comments section.


(“You want to go somewhere else? That creepy fat guy has been staring at us all night.” / Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle. For more pics from this set, click here.)

Tonight, we’re gonna have ourselves a real good time, we feel ali-hi-hi-hiiiive. Ronda Rousey — the lightning-rod heel-champion of women’s MMA — will attempt to defend her Strikeforce 135-pound title against former champ Sarah Kaufman, most likely by first-round armbar. (The winner will face Cris Cyborg immediately afterwards in the parking lot.) Before that, we’ve got a bunch of men’s fights that seem way less interesting by comparison. For instance, former Strikeforce middleweight champion Ronaldo “Jacare” Souza is in the co-main event spot against 9-1 middleweight Derek “The Human Blanket (!)” Brunson, while Tarec Saffiedine, Roger Bowling, Lumumba Sayers, and Ovince St. Preux round out the crew of featured fighters who you might have heard of before.

Handling the thankless job of spelling out all these names in tonight’s liveblog is CagePotato weekend warrior Anthony Gannon, who will be providing round-by-round results from the Showtime main card broadcast after the jump, beginning at 10 p.m. ET. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest and please make your presence known in the comments section.

Sup, taters. It’s liveblog time again. Break out the wings, the pretzel nubs, and unscrew the cap off that fine Merlot because this could be a big night for women’s MMA.

The evolution of mixed martial arts in North America has been an amazing thing. In just under two decades we’ve seen the sport expand from BJJ to wrestling, to striking, to all-around athletes who can beat your punk ass down while maintaining the sensitivity to cook you a nice tomato and feta omelet, and with the educational background to prepare your taxes.

We witnessed the mastery of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu when Art “One-Glove” Jimmerson entered the Octagon against Royce Gracie and tapped out the second he got mounted. We marveled at the rise of wrestling when Ken Shamrock fought to a draw with the seemingly invincible Gracie by taking him down and lying on top of him for 36 excruciating minutes.  And we saw the devastation of elite striking when Anderson Silva came along and blatantly violated every Geneva Convention with what he did to poor Rich Franklin. The ascent of our beloved sport has been truly awe-inspiring.

Evolution is infinite though, so that begs the question: What’s next for MMA? How can it possibly get any better? I thought I had found the answer in slap boxing after witnessing two menacing looking yoots smack the ever-loving shit out of each other for four glorious minutes, but it lacked technique and was more comedy than skill. Now I believe the true answer is in women’s MMA.

Yep, Ronda Rousey has made me see the light. Not only do I have sick fantasies of her loving me long time, which is really just the immature jerk in me, but I have this weird feeling about her, and I’m thinking it may actually be ~gasp~ respect. Ronda can carry women’s MMA into the Octagon. If you saw her brutal YouTube video impersonating a Sarah Kaufman fan you know we no longer have to worry about some Hollywood asshole stealing her away. The sad state of cinema today doesn’t exactly demand solid acting skills, but that video closes the door on even the “C” level Indy flicks, which are only a slight step above snuff porn. Nope, Ronda is here to stay, and I will proudly swing from her floral-scented taint for the entire journey.

Gotta hand it to Strikeforce. They opted to put Meisha Tate and Julie Kedzie on the undercard and it turned out to be a great fight, which ironically Meisha won by armbar. Could have been a nice appetizer for the main course.

Here’s the rest of the undercard results, if you even care.

Bobby Green beat Matt Rice by unanimous decision.

Germaine de Randamie beat Hiroko Yamanaka by unanimous decision.

And Adlan Amagov beat Keith by TKO at 0:48 of round one, weird scene though, Herb Dean stopped the fight for no apparent reason.

For some strange reason the main card doesn’t start until 10:07 so I’d like to take advantage of this break to pour out a slug of my ole E to my boy Mayhem for losing his shit and getting arrested nude. In a church. Nothing good ever came from someone getting arrested nude. Could have been worse, I suppose. He could have been arrested in a sundress. When I was in the Marines, one day I was on duty and I got a call from some Podunk police department in some Podunk North Carolina town. Turns out my buddy, for the sake of anonymity we’ll just call him “Dry Tongue,” well he went and got himself arrested for waking up in a woman’s closet wearing a sundress. Turns out Dry Tongue got a little liquored up, broke into a woman’s home, disrobed, then decided to try on one of her sundresses, and concluded his lurid evening by passing out in her closet. A series of unfortunate events followed: gender identification mockery, mandatory rehab, etc, but let’s just say Dry Tongue’s place in the annals of Marine Corps lore is firmly ensconced. If he’s reading right now, hey man I did not use your name, so keep the fuck away from my daughter. Anyway, Mayhem, keep your head up brother. Could happen to anybody.

God, Mauro looks creepy with his buzz cut. Shamrock is looking dapper since losing the braces, now he just has to do something about that fucked up nose.

First up is Ovince St. Preux vs T.J. Cook

TJ rolls up old school with a hoody. OSP comes out looking about as relaxed as a man can be when he’s about to get into a cage and fight another man.

RD 1: The ref has the coolest beard ever. It looks like drapes. He must pull some serious trim at Sturgis with that. OSP with a high kick. TJ whiffs a huge right. OSP looks like he’s four weight divisions bigger than TJ. Huge left kick by OSP, countered by TJ. They clinch and they’re free. OSP misses another kick. Nice body hook by TJ. OSP lands big, and is swarming him. He’s rocked! And TJ comes back, slugging the shit out of OSP. Damn no one got knocked out there. Nice exchange though. Overhand right misses by TJ. Big kick from OSP, then rocks TJ. They clinch up again, OSP going for a takedown. He lands it, and is in half guard. He’s going for a Kimura, let it go. OSP finally throws a strike down there, misses. Cook escapes, and he’s up. Close round, probbaly goes to OSP.

Rd 2: OSP misses a left. Lands a body kick. The pace has slowed considerably. OSP misses another head kick, TJ lands a right. Jab by OSP misses. TJ lands a couple nice shots, stuns OSP momentarily. OSP answers back with a straight left, then a kick to the nads. Oh damn, replay shows a nasty kick to the nads. He’s ok, and they’re set to go again. OSP misses a HUGE head kick, TJ counters with a left. OSP shoots and gets TJ down. He’s in guard dropping some lefts. OSP passes to side control. Lands an elbow. Going for a north/south choke, lets it go. Back in side control. OSP mounts, way too easily too. He’s got his right hand on TJ’s throat and is slamming him with lefts. TJ survives, but loses that round.

Rd 3:OSP opens with a straight left, then a huge overhand left that drops TJ and KNOCKS HIM THE FUCK OUT! Damn!

That was like a movie punch, it was perfect. OSP scores the third round KO.

Heidi interviews Sarah Kaufman, and it’s actually a little less brutal than her interviews usually are. She’s getting better. Now it’s Ronda’s turn, and damn she’s looking fine. The champion is in no mood for talk, she looks perturbed at the questions.

Lumumba Sayers and Anthony Smith are next.

Lumumba has that lunatic look. Sometimes you can just tell when someone is not to be trifled with, like not even in a bustin’ nuts kinda way. They just look, or act like they will misread playful kidding as an act of war and cut your fucking tongue out, put it on a roll and consume it with a creepy smile on their face. I used to work directly next to a fellow who would sing Christmas songs in the summer. And not even the classics, but like the Mariah Carey type shit. Had it been Rudolph or Frosty, I could have convinced myself this was just some weird guy who loved Christmas, but that pop Christmas shit? Oh no, this was clearly a man unhinged. And the one time a co-worker tried to joke with him his response was,” Oh yeah, buddy.” That’s when I knew for sure this guy probably had some sort of secluded hideaway where no one could hear the screams and was not to be fucked with in any way, shape, or form.

Rd 1: Herb Dean gets booed for a bad stoppage earlier. Sayers charges forward, takes Smith down, but Smith ends up in full mount! Sayers trying to control the posture, but this is early on to be in such a shitty position. Smith with an elbow. And a punch. He needs to start dropping down some hell here, take advantage of this position. Sayers lands a decent shot from the bottom. Sayers escapes, but Smith goes for a choke, now Sayers has Smith’s back. Smith gets out, now Sayers has a choke, Smith gets out and lands a big shot on the exit. This is nuts. Smith misses a left, Sayers misses an uppercut. Sayers lands to the body, Smith falls down, but locks on a triangle. He gets the tap!

Anthony Smith wins via triangle.

Lumumba declares Jesus his personal savior, doesn’t seem fazed by the loss whatsoever.

Smith talks about being older and more mature as he wears his hat sideways like a teenager.

Roger Bowling and Tarec Saffiedine are on deck.This should be a good scrap.

Bowling looks like the popular guy in a cheesy teen movie. Tarec looks like a Russian gangster.

Rd 1: Bowling opens with a hook to the body, then a leg kick. Charges forward again, connects to the body. Tarec with a hard leg kick. Damn, hard to the body again by Bowling. And again. Tarec with another leg kickm misses a right. Clinches Bowling, lands a knee. Bowling with another nice hook to the body. Tarec has Bowling against the cage, Bowling looks for a takedown. They separate. Tarec goes for another clinch, settles for a leg kick. High kick by Bowling, blocked. Bowling going for a takedown, Tarec defending well. And they’re against the cage battling for position. They separate. Bowling with a nice left hook to the head. Bowling ties up again looking for a takedown, not happening. They’re trading knees in the clinch. Tarec lands an elbow on the exit, Bowling responds with a punch to the dome. Close round, I’d give it to Bowling.

The camera catches Meisha Tate eating a cupcake, and there’s some icing in her hair.

Rd 2: Tarec with a leg kick, Bowling with another body shot. Eye poke by Tarec halts the action. Ready to roll. They trade shots cenetr cage to start up again. Then they trade kicks. Nice exchange, both guys get cracked. Tarec with a front kick, and a leg kick, answered by Bowling. Tarec with a nice combination. He’s taking control of the stand up. Clinch, Tarec looking for a knee, pushes Bowling against the cage, delivering some knees to the thigh, which don;t get the credit they deserve. Those suck. Bowling going for another takedown, Tarec has excellent takedown defense. Fails again on an attempt. Tarec with a body kick, Bowling lands a counter right. Leg kick by Tarec. They both miss with hooks, then Tarec lands a right. Leg kick by Bowling checked. Tarec took that round.

Rd 3: They trade body kicks. Bowling throws hard overhand, partially lands. Tarec with another clinch, knee just misses. Big body shot by Bowling, eats a knee. Huge leg kicks by Tarec. And another. Bowling leans in, eats another knee. Body kick by Bowling, not much on it. Tarec goes for a spinning kick, Bowling catches it and goes for the takedown, still can’t get it. They’re against the cage trading knees again. Tarec goes upstairs and lands one to the forehead. Tarec unloads in the clinch with body shots. Nice jab by Tarec, Bowling keeps hooking to the body. They hit the mat, Tarec takes his back, pounding the side of Bowling’s head, now going for a rear naked choke, won’t get it but finishes in great form. Tarec should take this one.

The decision is in and it’s unanimous, 30-27 across the board for Tarec Saffiedine.

Mauro interviews Gil Melendez, and Gil is pretty busted up in the face. Musta been sparring with Nick Diaz. Gil tries to convince us, and himself, that’s he’s actually excited to defend his title against Pat Healy.

Up next is Jacare Souza vs Derek Brunson

Jacare rolls up in a gi and flip flops, and he’s getting his swerve on.

Rd 1: The ref with the awesome beard is back. Brunson goes high, misses by a mile. Throws another kick, blocked by Jacare. Jacare drops Brunson, lets him up, then busts him up again to score the finish. Nice.

That didn’t take long. It was a counter right hook that dropped Brunson. Always the gentleman, Jacare thought the fight was over and stopped, but Brunson got back up, so Jacare tagged him again and finished him off.

The main event is next, Ronda Rousey vs Sarah Kaufman.

Ok, so let’s go through this by the numbers. Five professional fights, five first round armbars. Three amateur fights, three first round armbars. Ronda is good at armbars. It just doesn’t get any simpler than that. Kaufman needs to avoid the ground like that fresh fish on the yard needs to avoid the Tossed Salad Guy.

Ronda has been training with the 209. Don’t knock that shit, bitch. The 209 is no joke, and Ronda has taken a liking to that crew. When the Diaz Brothers come on our front porch mama just chase em off with a broom, but some people don’t. Some people invite them in and offer them a cold drink. Ronda is one of them.

Rd 1: Rousey charges forward, ties her up, gets the takedown. uh-oh! Rousey mounts, going for an armbar already. Oh Jesus! Kaufman is putting up a good fight, but she’s in a real shitty position. That’s it, she gets the tap by armbar. AMAZING!

This chick is for real man. They need to make that Cyborg fight happen.

Sweet, Ronda calls out Cyborg.

Well that’s that, folks. We’ll analyze this shit tomorrow.