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‘UFC 145: Jones vs. Evans’ — Live Preliminary Card Results & Commentary

It’s finally almost time for UFC 145, which means we have some preliminary fights on FX to make snarky comments through. We have a fight between TUF champions turned gatekeepers Mac Danzig and Efrain Escudero, a matchup between Anthony Njokuani and John Makdessi, we find out if Matt Brown will live to fight another day against Stephen Thompson, and we get a heavyweight bout between Travis Browne and Chad Griggs to keep us entertained before the main card tonight. Grab a sammich and a bottle of the finest flavor of Night Train Express that the nearest gas station sells and join us for round-by-round results.

Live, round-by-round results from the UFC 145: Jones vs. Evans preliminary broadcast will be collecting after the jump starting at 8 p.m. ET / 5 p.m. PT, courtesy of CagePotato’s ultimate (weekend) warrior, Seth Falvo. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest, and let us know your thoughts in the comments section. Please stand by.

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Before we kick things off, does anyone want know why I chose a fan-made UFC 145 poster as the featured image for this liveblog? It’s because that poster took twice as much effort as the real poster and is about fifty times more terrifying. I chose to believe that it’s an indication of things to come tonight, be it devastating knockouts, arm-snapping submissions or just how badly I can misspell basic words of a language I’ve been speaking for my entire life while attempting to keep you all up to date on the action. Just thought I’d share that before we go live.

Cue the cheesy “This may be awesome” disclaimer, because WE ARE LIVE! Seriously though, FX, come up with something less terrible. And someone may want to tell Mike Goldberg how to pronounce “Hecho en Mexico” before the start of his fight against Mac Danzig.

Mac Danzig vs. Efrain Escudero

Too late.

Round One: They touch gloves, and we’re underway. They clinch up and exchange knees, with Danzig immediately pushing Escudero into the cage. Escudero reverses position and looks for a takedown, but Danzig reverses and earns a takedown of his own. Escudero works for a heel hook, and appears to have Danzig in trouble, but Mac escapes and takes Escudero’s back. Mac lets him back up, and Escudero lands a leg kick. Nice cross by Danzig. Danzig is landing some punches and doing a good job of avoiding Escudero’s, but Efrain doesn’t appear hurt by any of them. They clinch against the cage with Mac Danzig looking for a takedown. Danzig has Escudero’s back, but Efrain is doing a good job of staying on his feet. A “U-S-A! U-S-A!” chant breaks out as they separate and we’re back in the center of the cage. Escudero now rushes Danzig, trapping him against the cage looking for a takedown with twenty seconds left in the round. He is unsuccessful, and the round comes to an end.

Round Two: They touch gloves, and after aboutforty seconds of feeling each other out, Escudero lands a nice right hand. Danzig counters with a hard leg kick, and presses Escudero against the cage, kneeing Escudero in the thighs. Nice 1-2 from Escudero as he breaks free. The fans begin to boo the lack of action, as both guys are throwing heavy shots that are easily being avoided. Danzig has a much stronger clinch than Escudero, and has him back against the cage with ninety seconds left in the round. Escudero lands a knee from the clinch in the center of the cage, so naturally, Danzig pushes Escudero into the cage and works his wall-and-stall. Escudero unsuccessfully looks for another takedown as this round comes to an end.

Round Three: Danzig’s right ankle is jacked up, which explains his wall-and-stall heavy offense (if it can be called that). Nice leg kick from Danzig, followed by an attempted Superman punch. Escudero is back up against the cage, and lands a knee before Danzig works to take his back. He gives it up temporarily, and we’re back against the cage, with Danzig attempting to take Escudero’s back. You know what, I think I’ll just copy that sentence and paste it accordingly for the remainder of this one. Okay, now they’re free with ninety seconds left. Danzig is landing some nice punches to Escudero’s body, and doing a good job of avoiding Escudero’s wild striking. And we’re back against the cage, care to guess who has dominant position? This one mercifully comes to an end. It wasn’t pretty, but it looks like Mac Danzig has this one.

He does. Mac Danzig def. Efrain Escudero via unanimous decision, 30-27 x2, 29-28 x1. Let’s put this one behind us ASAP.

Anthony Njokuani vs. John Makdessi

Round One: They touch gloves and immediately exchange kicks. Njokuani is throwing a lot of head kicks to start this one off, and Makdessi throws a front leg side kick. And another. Nice leg kick by Njokuani. Makdessi returns with one of his own. Njokuani rushes in with a combo that doesn’t quite land, but the leg kick he punctuates it with does. Makdessi keeps throwing the front leg side kick, but it isn’t landing. Njokuani seems to have Makdessi wobbled by a left hook with two minutes left in the round, but doesn’t capitalize from it. Huge head kick attempted by Njokuani, but Makdessi blocks it. With one minute left in the round, Njokuani lands a head kick, but Makdessi doesn’t seem hurt. Makdessi throws the side kick again, as both men are playing it safe as this round comes to an end.

Round Two: Makdessi throws the side kick straight at Njokuani’s head, but it’s blocked. Nice body kick by Makdessi. Spinning back kick from Makdessi, but Njokuani avoids it. Njokuani throws a head kick, but it’s blocked. That’s pretty much the story of this fight so far, come to think of it. They clinch up with three minutes left, and Makdessi lands some good strikes. Nice leg kicks now from Njokuani. Makdessi checks a leg kick, and this crowd begins to boo. Another leg kick from Njokuani, and Makdessi’s left leg is bright red. Njokuani catches a kick and looks to rush Makdessi, but Makdessi lands a counter punch and Njokuani backs away. Makdessi attempts a takedown as this round comes to an end.

Round Three: Makdessi is told by his corner that he’s behind on the scorecards, but he isn’t being overly aggressive as the round begins. We’re one minute into this round, and the crowd begins to boo as Njokuani lands another leg kick. Njokuani jabs at Makdessi’s body, and Makdessi throws a leg kick. Makdessi lands a spinning backfist, but doesn’t capitalize on it. Joe Rogan sounds bored as Makdessi keeps attempting the front kick that isn’t landing at all, and lands a spinning back kick to Njokuani’s body that had zero power behind it. Body kick Njokuani. Only thirty seconds left, and Makdessi has to start trying to look for the knockout. He attempts a wheel kick that completely misses, the crowd boos loudly and this one comes to a close.

Sheesh, that disclaimer looks more ridiculous by the second. It’s tough to say that either fighter deserves a victory here, but Njokuani will probably win this one.

He does. Anthony Njokuani def. John Makdessi via unanimous decision, 30-27 x3.

Matt Brown vs. Stephen Thompson

Round One: They touch gloves, and Wonderboy immediately throws a kick. Brown attempts a takedown, which Thompson stuffs easily. Thompson stuffs another takedown, as Brown pushes Wonderboy into the cage looking for another takedown. He eventually gets it, and winds up in Thompson’s guard. Brown throws some heavy punches, but they miss Thompson entirely. Thompson’s corner yells for an upkick, as Brown attempts a leg lock. He gives up on it, as Thompson is back on his feet. Brown keeps Thompson against the cage, as Thompson reverses the position. Brown earns a takedown, and takes Thompson’s back. Wonderboy does a nice job of getting back to his feet, but Brown holds on and eventually drags him back down. Brown looks for a calf crank, and Thompson throws hammerfists in order to get out. Brown ends up in Thompson’s half guard, and throws punches to Wonderboy’s body as this round comes to an end.

I wasn’t expecting Thompson to have a great ground game or anything…but damn.

Round Two: They touch gloves, and Thompson begins throwing punches to keep Brown outside. Brown gets Thompson against the cage and earns a takedown, but Thompson gets up immediately. They clinch, and Brown attempts an extremely telegraphed takedown that actually gets Thompson down. They’re back up, and Thompson lands a head kick. Brown is hurt, with Thompson looking for the finish. Nice spinning back kick from Thompson. Brown is wobbled and tired, and desperately attempts a takedown that momentarily gets Wonderboy down. Joe Rogan wonders out loud “How does Thompson manage to get taken down by this?” as Thompson gets back up. Brown is badly hurt, and his counter kicks are coming at laughably slow speeds. Thompson is too tired to put him away though. Brown lands a HUGE counter elbow than drops Thompson, and Brown is now in Thompson’s guard dropping elbows. Thompson is cut and Brown is raining down punches from side control as this round comes to an end. Didn’t see that one coming.

The crowd gives a loud ovation for the only action they’ve seen so far tonight. Can’t wait to see how this one plays out.

Round Three: Brown comes out looking to finish Thompson, but Thompson breaks free. Wonderboy falls down after landing a leg kick, and both men are clearly exhausted. Another laughably slow head kick from Brown. Dare I call it a Brazilian kick attempt? It kind of looks like that’s what he just tried. Thompson now rocks Brown with a 1-2 combo, and Brown gets Wonderboy against the cage and immediately earns a takedown. They’re back up, and Brown lands a nice knee with 2:30 left. They clinch, and Brown earns a leg trip, elbowing Thompson in the head. Brown earns side control, looking for a crucifix. With one minute left, Brown gets the crucifix and works for a mounted triangle. He throws some punches to Thompson’s head, which is bleeding like crazy as this fight comes to an end.

Gutsy performance from Matt Brown. He easily takes this one.

Official Decision: Matt Brown def. Stephen Thompson by unanimous decision, 30-27 x2, 29-28 x1

Time for our last bout of the evening. At least our last preliminary bout.

Travis Browne vs. Chad Griggs

Round One: Leg kick Griggs. Browne with a huge flying knee, and throws some more knees to the body. Browne looks for a takedown, but Griggs shows good takedown defense. At least for a few seconds, as Browne slams Griggs and ends up in side control. Browne mounts Griggs, and works for an arm-triangle. Browne gets it, and Griggs throws some punches before going completely out. Total domination by Travis Browne.

Browne looks into the camera and asks us: “A submission? A SUBMISSION? THAT’S a submission.” Yes it is, Travis. Yes. It. Is.

Travis Browne def. Chad Griggs via submission (arm-triangle choke), 2:29 of Round One.

Looks like my work here is done. Enjoy the main card.

Gambling Addiction Enabler: UFC 145 Edition

(Don’t worry, we put more effort into this piece than the UFC marketing department did into that poster.)

Rumor has it that on Saturday night, two certain somebodies may or may not partake in a certain fight that you may or may not be able to place a certain wager on, which may or may not be dependent on whether you think or don’t think you know a certain outcome of the fight itself, capiche? In either case, we are going to offer some advice that may or may not help you arrive at that determination. Check out what could hypothetically be the betting lines for UFC 145, courtesy of BestFightOdds, below, and follow us after the jump for what may or may not be our advice on where to place a certain bet that may or may not exist.

MAIN CARD
Jon Jones (-485) vs. Rashad Evans (+385)
Rory MacDonald (-600) vs. Che Mills (+450)
Ben Rothwell (+240) vs. Brendan Schaub (-280)
Mark Hominick (-600) vs. Eddie Yagin (+450)
Mark Bocek (-400) vs. John Alessio (+325)
Michael McDonald (even) vs. Miguel Torres (-120)

PRELIMINARY CARD
Travis Browne (-260) vs. Chad Griggs (+220)
Matt Brown (+250) vs. Stephen Thompson (-300)
John Makdessi (+175) vs. Anthony Njokuani (-210)
Mac Danzig (-210) vs. Efrain Escudero (+175)
Chris Clements (-200) vs. Keith Wisniewski (+170)
Maximo Blanco (-265) vs. Marcus Brimage (+225)

Thoughts…

(Don’t worry, we put more effort into this piece than the UFC marketing department did into that poster.)

Rumor has it that on Saturday night, two certain somebodies may or may not partake in a certain fight that you may or may not be able to place a certain wager on, which may or may not be dependent on whether you think or don’t think you know a certain outcome of the fight itself, capiche? In either case, we are going to offer some advice that may or may not help you arrive at that determination. Check out what could hypothetically be the betting lines for UFC 145, courtesy of BestFightOdds, below, and join us afterward for what may or may not be our advice on where to place a certain bet that may or may not exist.

Thoughts…

The Main Event: Listen, we all know that Jon Jones will likely beat Rashad Evans; he is younger, more athletic, and has absolutely crushed everyone in his path, including the man who nearly turned Evans into a member of the walking dead. But whenever a former champ who is arguably still in his prime is listed as that big of an underdog, especially one with as much power and experience as Evans, you’d be a fool not to place a bet on him. Save Jones for the parlay, and place a decent side wager on Evans; it’s as simple as that.

The Good Dogs: The Michael Mcdonald/Miguel Torres odds are really too close to waste your time on, and we hate to count Che Mills out, but given Rory MacDonald‘s run thus far in the UFC, we’d say he’s pretty close to mincemeat in this one. That brings us to Rothwell/Schaub. Here’s what we know:

1. Ben Rothwell CAN knock a motherfucker out, even if we haven’t see him do so in quite some time.
2. Brendan Schaub is very susceptible to the KO

Now, you might call us crazy to even consider betting on “Big Ben” given his run as of late, and you have every right to. If this fight goes past the first round, Schaub will more than likely take it, but if Rothwell presses the action early, you could be looking at an easy score. Let the public backlash begin.

The other dogs worth your consideration are Matt Brown, Efrain Escudero, and Chad Griggs. Brown’s got the experience edge (UFC-wise, at least) over Thompson, who’s only opponent in UFC competition was basically a sheep being led to the slaughter. Mac Danzig has been a mixed bag ever since winning the TUF 6 plaque, and if Escudero chooses to mix up his strikes with a few takedowns, he could very easily coast his way to a UD victory. Next to Evans, Escudero is your best bet as far as underdog picks go. As for Griggs…well, the dude throws some serious heat, and can take it just as well as he can dish it out. He’s facing a tough test in Browne, but if you’re feeling lucky, a small bet on him wouldn’t be too foolish.

Stay the Hell Away From: Maximo Blanco. It’s odd enough that the UFC signed him following a loss (who does he think he is, Phil Baroni?), and we’re not going to risk him ruining our parlay until he gets at least one UFC bout under his belt. Also, John Alessio. His line may look tempting at +325 considering his experience, but the dude has a track record of buckling under the bright lights. The fact that he’s stepping in as a late replacement against someone whose strengths play right into his weaknesses should be further proof to just steer clear of him.

Official CagePotato Parlay: Jones + Bocek + Clements + Njokuani

Suggested wager for a $50 wager
-$20 on the parlay
-$10 on Evans
-$10 on Escudero
-$5 on Rothwell
-$5 on Brown

-J. Jones

Ridiculous Knockout of the Day: Referee Waves Off Fight, Then Allows it to Continue

(True to his nickname, Mark “The Great White Shark” Potter prefers his opponents to be grossly overweight and easily capable of being put down. Photo courtesy of David Lethaby.)

You guys remember that insane Pancrase fighter who couldn’t stop beating the shit out of his opponent despite the ref’s intervention? Meet the complete opposite of that.

Yes, last Saturday’s CFC 12 heavyweight clash between Mark Potter and Larry Watts may have featured the most indecisive moment in refereeing since Matt Brown vs. Pete Sell. After sending Watts tumbling to the mat with his first punch, Potter, who looks like a smaller, fitter version of Sean McCorkle, decides not to continue punishing his clearly rocked opponent. The ref begins to wave off the bout, but decides not to actually step between the fighters while doing so. Unaware of this, Potter only sees that Watts is still conscious and continues his onslaught. And the ref does nothing to stop this.

Join us after the jump for the madness.

(True to his nickname, Mark “The Great White Shark” Potter prefers his opponents to be grossly overweight and easily capable of being put down. Photo courtesy of David Lethaby.)

You guys remember that insane Pancrase fighter who couldn’t stop beating the shit out of his opponent despite the ref’s intervention? Meet the complete opposite of that.

Skip to the 1:50 mark for the beginning of this mess. The first, and what should have been last, punch of the fight lands shortly thereafter. When Potter piles on the punishment, the ref decides that it would be best to just let these two continue on their own terms. Judging by both Watts’ physique and striking “technique,” he must have stumbled into the ring thinking it was the stage for a hot dog eating competition. And let’s not even get into his striking defense, which would make Koji Oishi hang his head in disgust.

We’ll give Watts this, the man does not give up until he is out cold. Unfortunately for him, that moment comes less than ten seconds later, when the brute force of another Potter straight right Potter literally makes Watts’ spine *shiver* and plants the poor son of a bitch face down on the canvas. At this point, the referee looks to Potter, asks him if he is finished, and steps in to officially wave off the fight. Good job, bro.

Don’t ask us how someone with the skill set of Watts managed to fight for a title of any kind, because we simply could not tell you. He must have sick ground game.

-J. Jones

Quote of the Day: Matt Brown “I Can Go 100-0 Beating a Bunch of Idiots”

(Well, maybe 100-1.)

Over the weekend, we announced that TUF 7 alum Matt Brown, who most recently starched Chris Cope at UFC 143, would be squaring off against world renowned kickboxer Stephen “Wonderboy” Thompson at UFC 145. Thompson, who is coming off a brilliant head kick KO victory in his octagon debut over Daniel Stittgen, also at UFC 143, amassed an incredible 57 victories as a kickboxer without a defeat before transitioning into MMA, where he has gone 6-0 thus far in his career. Well it seems that Brown isn’t too impressed with “Wonderboy’s” list of credentials, mainly due to a lack of name power in Thompson’s past opponents. Here’s what he told MMAWeekly in a recent interview:

I don’t know what he’s about in MMA. It looked to me he was doing the same old karate, and the karate’s the same thing, like who did he fight in karate? I don’t know. Name me one guy, name me one guy that he fought. I can tell you the guys I train with [have fought] Saenchai [and] Joe Schilling, guys that are well known in the kickboxing/Muay Thai world, on a world level…I’m not too concerned with this guy’s kickboxing. I can go 100-0 beating a bunch of idiots, but that’s not my style.

(Well, maybe 100-1.)

I don’t know what he’s about in MMA. It looked to me he was doing the same old karate, and the karate’s the same thing, like who did he fight in karate? I don’t know. Name me one guy, name me one guy that he fought. I can tell you the guys I train with [have fought] Saenchai [and] Joe Schilling, guys that are well known in the kickboxing/Muay Thai world, on a world level…I’m not too concerned with this guy’s kickboxing. I can go 100-0 beating a bunch of idiots, but that’s not my style.

Ouch. The verbal back-and-forth between these two apparently started after Thomspon was awarded the $65,000 Knockout of the Night bonus following his UFC 143 win over Stittgen. Upset that he didn’t receive the award, Brown stated that Stittgen didn’t really deserve to be in the octagon with Thompson in the first place, whereas he fought a tougher guy in Chris Cope, and therefore should have earned the bonus.

And to a degree, we agree with him. Stittgen was brought in on just over a week’s notice to take on Thompson, whereas Cope had a full training camp to prepare for Brown. Then again, Thompson was only given four weeks himself to prepare for a fighter whose strengths were the exact opposite of his, whereas Brown was given basically a less talented version of himself in Cope. In either case, Thompson didn’t take kindly to Brown’s criticism, and it’s looking like we will be in for a good old fashioned ATL throwdown at UFC 145, which is headlined by a light heavyweight title fight between Jon Jones and Rashad Evans (finally), as well as a battle of top welterweight prospects Che Mills and Rory MacDonald.

To be fair, Brown did complement Thompson’s fighting style, saying it was puzzling and Machida-esque in its appearance, but at the end of the day, believed “it’s the same old shit to me.”

Check out the rest of Brown’s interview below.

-J. Jones

Matt Brown vs. Stephen Thompson Added to UFC 145

Thompson looks to stay undefeated against Matt Brown at UFC 145

We’re barely one week removed from UFC 143, yet two welterweights who were victorious on the card have been signed to fight at UFC 145. The UFC has announced that TUF 7 veteran Matt Brown has agreed to a bout with Stephen “Wonderboy” Thompson.

Matt Brown managed to buy himself more time in the UFC with a second round TKO over Chris Cope at UFC 143, improving the UFC record of “The Immortal” to 6-5. On the other end of the spectrum, Stephen Thompson made an impressive first impression on viewers with his first round head kick knockout over Dan Stittgen. The victory improved his record to 6-0, and also earned him Knockout of the Night honors.

Thompson looks to stay undefeated against Matt Brown at UFC 145

Matt Brown managed to buy himself more time in the UFC with a second round TKO over Chris Cope at UFC 143, improving the UFC record of ”The Immortal” to 6-5. On the other end of the spectrum, Stephen Thompson made an impressive first impression on viewers with his first round head kick knockout over Dan Stittgen. The victory improved his record to 6-0, and also earned him Knockout of the Night honors.

Normally, I’d comment on how the short layover between fights may save the loser from the chopping block. But in this case, it seems redundant. “Wonderboy” is an exciting fighter facing his first step up in competition, while “The Immortal” has certainly lived up to his nickname in terms of not being cut from the UFC. Unless the loser misses weight, fails a drug test or runs away for three rounds, expect both fighters to stick around.

UFC 145 will go down on April 21, 2012 in Atlanta, Georgia, featuring a light-heavyweight championship bout between Jon Jones and Rashad Evans.

‘ReX vs. Jared’ – UFC 143 Edition

(“Hey, my eyes are up here, asshole.”)

Discussing MMA is a lot like discussing politics; what starts off as a friendly difference of opinion more than often spirals into an alcohol-fueled debate, rife with personal insults and name calling, before ending in a sloppy wrestling match that gets both parties banned from their boss’s wine tasting parties for life. Luckily, we have Doug “ReX13” Richardson and Jared Jones here to dispute all things UFC 143, because frankly, we can’t make heads or tails outta this card.

Let’s kick things off how we normally do, with a completely offhand topic. Who wins the Super Bowl?

RX: Me, if the commercials are good and Bane blows up the stadium. Let me guess, you’re a-

JJ: GO GIANTS!

RX: I hate you so hard, man.

JJ: First off, I’m not your buddy.

RX: But I never-

JJ: Eli Manning is to the Patriots what Dylan Klebold was to Columbine High School; he cannot be defeated, unless by that of his own doing. Giants 35-27.

RX: Wow…this has gotten off to a rough start. Can we just move on?

(“Hey, my eyes are up here, asshole.”)

Discussing MMA is a lot like discussing politics; what starts off as a friendly difference of opinion more than often spirals into an alcohol-fueled debate, rife with personal insults and name calling, before ending in a sloppy wrestling match that gets both parties banned from their boss’s wine tasting parties for life. Luckily, we have Doug “ReX13″ Richardson and Jared Jones here to dispute all things UFC 143, because frankly, we can’t make heads or tails outta this card.

Let’s kick things off how we normally do, with a completely offhand topic. Who wins the Super Bowl?

RX: Me, if the commercials are good and Bane blows up the stadium. Let me guess, you’re a-

JJ: GO GIANTS!

RX: I hate you so hard, man.

JJ: First off, I’m not your buddy.

RX: But I never-

JJ: Eli Manning is to the Patriots what Dylan Klebold was to Columbine High School; he cannot be defeated, unless by that of his own doing. Giants 35-27.

RX: Wow…this has gotten off to a rough start. Can we just move on?

Should you invite your MMA newbie friends over to watch this card?

RX: If they watched any of Fox’s programming up to this point, your answer should be “yes.” Diaz vs Condit is a better fight than either of them against GSP, and the winner will probably take the title from him. Yeah, I said it. It needed saying.

JJ: I have never been more certain about anything in my life: Yes. Love him or hate him, Diaz does not know how to be in a boring fight, and the same goes for Condit. The day I see Diaz content to ride out a decision is the day I sell my three story Victorian in Stockton. And that ain’t happening, homie.

On the other hand, if you want to convince your “newbie” friends that the UFC is devoid of all the WWE style antics, watching Diaz flip the bird and taunt someone for three rounds might not be the best idea.

Diaz vs. Condit: Will illiteracy reign supreme?

JJ: I am living, breathing proof that illiteracy has already reigned supreme, so I’m picking Deeaz bi teknikal nockout in tha ferst rownd. WRA DEEAZ!!

RX: Are you finis–

JJ: DEEEEEEEAAAAAAZZZZZZZZ!!!!!1! OK i’m dun.

RX: Well allow me to retort: Diaz has been feasting on sub-par competition and making himself look like a destroyer. The fact that he beats guys at their own games – while calling them bitches – yeah, I get it, Diaz is badass. I agree. I love watching him fight. But he’s stepping up in competition in Condit, a guy that is every bit as well-rounded as Diaz himself. That reach advantage that Diaz uses so well? Gone. Opponent with deficient cardio? Not this time. The likelihood that Diaz can start slow and then pour on the offense, without the other guy taking the initiative? Naw, playa. I realize that lots of folks are calling Diaz to win this, but I think they’ve forgotten about the NBK. I think Diaz may have forgotten about NBK. I think he’s too busy hating the GSP, and Condit is going to remind him that there are no easy fights in the UFC.

JJ: That’s a lot of bitch-ass wordy stuff.

RX: Hey look, people who talk like that in my neighborhood get slapped.

JJ: Aren’t you from like…Scarsdale or something?

RX: Not important.

JJ: *checks Facebook* Your hometown is called … Whiteville? LOLOLOLOLOLOL

RX: MOVING ON

Will Fabricio Werdum actually bring the fight to Roy Nelson, or are we in for another “Vai Cavalo” flopfest?

RX: I don’t think Werdum would do anything as dumb as have a boring, tactical fight for his first visit back in the Octagon, but then again, I said the same thing about Anthony Johnson. Werdum won’t be as scared to stay on his feet as he was with Overeem, but he will be looking for a takedown from the first bell.

JJ: I had more fun watching The Tree of Life than I did the Werdum/Overeem “fight,” so he better bring it come Saturday. And considering how Nelson has looked as of late, which is to say, so-so, I’d imagine both guys will be looking to turn some heads with this performance.

RX: Go figure, Danga referencing a movie.

JJ: YOU DON’T GET TO CALL ME THAT ANYMORE!!

RX: Ok, Good Times, my bad. I’m going to give Nelson a pass for the awful fight with Frank Mir, because he said he was was deathly ill with fat syndrome or something, I can’t remember. It wasn’t that lateral acidophilus…maybe SARS? Anyway, he slimmed down noticeably for his next fight with CroCop, which I must point out he won by TKO not involving a massive belly. I don’t think we’re going to see Nelson and Werdum scrapping, but I do expect a fun fight. Nelson’s got this, though. I mean, it’s not like Werdum has a grappler’s chance, since that’s not even a thing.

If Matt Brown somehow loses to Chris Cope, Zuffa HAS to cut him, right? RIGHT?!

RX: In my mind, there’s an ideal Strikeforce with a large roster of well-rounded fighters, and all they want to do is scrap. Nobody cuts weight and everybody has cardio for days. The fighters are paid a pretty decent wage and no one cares if you go on a three-fight skid. This ideal StrikeForce would be on Fox, where everybody can see it, and guys like Lyle Beerbohm, BJ Penn, Cung Le, Wandy, Robbie Lawler and Gegard Mousasi would entertain and educate a crowd much better than top-10 UFC fights. Everyone would fall in love with Scott Coker. They probably still wouldn’t be able to manage a heavyweight division, so Beltran is still boned, but still – sounds nice, right?

That ideal Strikeforce, with the three hour time slot on Saturday nights? That’s where I want Matt Brown to go after this fight. *gazes wistfully, wipes tear*

JJ: You ok?

RX: Just … just gimme a minute.

JJ: Each time Matt Brown steps into the octagon, I find myself saying, “he CAN’T lose this one.” And like some kind of Alzheimer’s patient who drinks too much, I always come to in a cornfield with blood on my hands and the memory of being screwed out of yet another parlay. I’d think that Brown has this one in the bag, but anyone who posses a decent guillotine stands a chance of beating him. So if he loses, I say ship him off to your magical island with Jerry Garcia and Tupac and rainbow gumdrops laced with LSD or whatever it is you hippies dream about.

RX: ”Tupac Liqueur” would be a pretty dope Ben & Jerry’s flavor.

Since Condit/Diaz will guaranteed take FOTN, who takes SOTN and KOTN?

RX: Well, we agree on Diaz-Condit being can’t-miss, at least. Submission of the Night probably won’t go to Nelson-Werdum, because I think they’ll both be trying too hard to not get submitted. Renan Barao would be a likely candidate, but I think Scott Jourgenson’s defense will keep him safe. So I’ll pick a dark horse to take SotN: Ed Herman. After a spiffy heel hook win over Kyle Noke, I’m looking for “Short Fuse” to torque something until Clifford Starks taps out.

JJ: Only someone from Whiteville would consider Ed Herman a dark anything.

RX: Ok, good one, ten points for Gryffindor, but I’m not done. To make my picks go from “questionable” to “possibly being predicted by a drunken llama,” I’ll call Dustin Poirier to knock the dust off of Max Holloway. Thoughts?

JJ: KOTN is tough, but that’s a mighty fine pick. I want to say Koscheck will take it, considering his desire to make an example out of Mike Pierce for all the trash he has been talking lately. Then again, Pierce has never been finished, and has faced power punchers like Johny Hendricks before, so I’m not quite sure Kos is going put him away. I’m going to go ahead and predict Matt Brown, because he’s gotta win this one, right? Have I said this all before?

RX: Not to my recollection, no.

JJ: Good. And you want to make some bold predictions? How about this; Roy Nelson, in Frank Mir-esque fashion, will break Werdum’s sternum and take SOTN, and 1 week after we see the UFC’s first calf-slicer, we will be treated to its first submission via smothering.

Speaking of bold predictions, it’s time to bring back a good old fashioned screen name challenge. Make one incredibly specific prediction for tomorrow night. The loser must change his screen name for a week.

RX: I say Scott Jorgensen survives forty-seven sub attempts from Barao, and scores a couple of big slams to excite the crowd. “Young Guns” scores a decision victory, snapping that gaudy streak of 28 fights without a loss. If I lose, it won’t matter, since I’ve already decided to refer to you as “Good Times” at every opportunity.

JJ: Fair enough, but if Stephen “Wonderboy” Thompson is able to pull off some sort of crazy kickboxing KO on Dan Stittigen, be it by wheel kick, tornado kick, or Matrix-esque Scorpion kick, you WILL go by SeanMcCorkle’sBruisedEgo from this day forward. Until next week.