Super Fight League 3 Recap: Big Men, A Bigger Ring, And a Pair of Seriously Bruised Testicles

(Thompson vs. Lashley. Come for the nut shots, stay for Phil Baroni’s childlike enthusiasm behind the mic. All praises be to IronForgesIron for the vids.)

You know, maybe it’s due to the fact that our expectations were so low, but other than a few hiccups along the way (one of which involved the most ridiculously over-the-top celebrations you will ever see), Super Fight League’s third event was actually a mildly entertaining affair. Who would’ve thought such a thing would be possible without the graceful presence of Bob Sapp? Although SFL’s production team still needs to get their shit together and stop cutting to random angles from halfway across the stadium, SFL 3 featured more than a fair share of exciting finishes, topped off by an at times groggy but overall solid main event clash between Bobby Lashley and James Thompson.

But before we get to the main event, lets talk about the very first fight of the night: a middleweight throwdown between Dream and Bellator veteran Zelg Galesic and former WEC light heavyweight champion Doug “The Rhino” Marshall, whose mere appearance on the card was enough to bring this “writer” back to the days of yore. Unfortunately for Marshall, the trip down memory lane was cut short by a beautiful flying knee that turned his lights off just 34 seconds into the fight. Nostalgia is a bitch, ain’t it?

That video, along with a video of the most insane post fight celebration in MMA history and more, awaits you after the jump.



(Thompson vs. Lashley. Come for the nut shots, stay for Phil Baroni‘s childlike enthusiasm behind the mic. All praises be to IronForgesIron for the vids.)

You know, maybe it’s due to the fact that our expectations were so low, but other than a few hiccups along the way (one of which involved the most ridiculously over-the-top celebrations you will ever see), Super Fight League’s third event was actually a mildly entertaining affair. Who would’ve thought such a thing would be possible without the graceful presence of Bob Sapp? Although SFL’s production team still needs to get their shit together and stop cutting to random angles from halfway across the stadium, SFL 3 featured more than a fair share of exciting finishes, topped off by an at times groggy but overall solid main event clash between Bobby Lashley and James Thompson.

But before we get to the main event, lets talk about the very first fight of the night: a middleweight throwdown between Dream and Bellator veteran Zelg Galesic and former WEC light heavyweight champion Doug “The Rhino” Marshall, whose mere appearance on the card was enough to bring this “writer” back to the days of yore. Unfortunately for Marshall, the trip down memory lane was cut short by a beautiful flying knee that turned his lights off just 34 seconds into the fight. Nostalgia is a bitch, ain’t it?

Galesic vs. Marshall

If one were to peruse over Trevor Prangley‘s Sherdog profile, they would more than likely file him under the category of “sacrificial lamb” when looking at his past few fights. After being brought in to test the effectiveness of Roger Gracie‘s ground game (as if there was anyone doubting it) at Strikeforce: Diaz vs. Cyborg, the South African rounded out his 2011 season with a pair of brutal KO losses to Tatsuya Mizuno (via pants-shitting knee to the body) and Hector Lombard (via Hellstorm of unnecessary punches). Heading into the third round of his fight with Russian armbar specialist Baga Agaev, it looked as if Prangley would coast his way to his first victory since September of 2010. But the AKA product would not be content with a judges decision, and instead opted for a monster right hook that dropped Agaev like a sac of Kholodets. A few unnecessary follow up punches sealed the deal in what must have been a sigh of relief for Prangley, who improves to 24-9 with the victory. We’ve added a video of the third round below.

Now let’s get to the oddest moment of the night, which involved 11-8 Kultar “The Black Mamba” Gill and 1-3 Quinton Arendse. The fight itself, which can be seen here, lasted just under a minute and saw Gill stuff a takedown, secure a trip takedown of his own, and promptly pound his opponent’s head into dust. The fact that these men appeared to be in two entirely different weight classes may have had some determining factor in the fight itself, but it didn’t help that Gill had apparently ingested an entire bottle of Mickey Rooney’s Crazy Pills before stepping into the cage. When interviewed by Phil Baroni in the aftermath of the fight, Gill proceeded to take the mic, deliver a lengthy post-fight call to arms, smash said mic, sprint around the outside of the ring, and smash a camera he managed to pry away from a ringside cameraman. Hopefully the paltry $2,000 Knockout of the Night award he received will be enough to cover the damages, but probably not.

In the night’s main event, muscle-bound freakazoid and former/current(?) WWE superstar Bobby Lashley squared off against an unknown British prospect by the name of James Thompson. Perhaps you’ve heard of him on Twitter, Myspace, or some other form of these “social” networks, no? In either case, the first round started off in rather entertaining fashion, with Lashley unleashing some nice combinations and securing a couple takedowns to boot. A low knee by Thompson would temporarily halt the action with just under a minute to go, and Lashley would take full advantage of the allotted time. Whether or not he was truly recovering from the low blow or simply catching a breather is yet to be determined, but we’ll give the guy the benefit of the doubt. Baroni would not be so kind in the third frame when another low blow by Thompson caused yet another lengthy delay. “Suck it up,” Baroni remarked, which might have been a bit of strategic advice for Lashley’s testicles more than anything else.

The second and third rounds were fought primarily from the clinch, as Lashley’s hands began to drop lower and lower with each passing minute, an unfortunate side effect of combining Popeye’s muscles with Bluto’s gas tank. As Baroni and friends pointed out from ringside, it seemed that Lashley’s tendency to resort back to his wrestling roots, even when he had Thompson rocked, that could have cost him a TKO victory. But despite what we were being told about Thompson and Lashley’s “incredible” cardio, both men were clearly zonked by the third frame, resorting to clinch work and the occasional combination to round things out. Thompson’s octagon (or rather, circle) control and aggression seemed to be enough to warrant a victory in the judges eyes, earning him his first two-fight win streak since December of 2005. Lashley, on the other hand, falls to 7-2 as a professional.

Full results from SFL 3 are below:

James Thompson def. Bobby Lashley by Unanimous Decision (29-28,29-28,29-28)
Joanne Calderwood def. Lena Ovchynnikova by Unanimous Decision (30-26,30-26,30-26)
Anup Kumar def. Chatmongkhon Simma by TKO (punches) at 4:55 of Round 1
Kultar Gill def. Quinton Arendse by KO (punches) at :51 of Round 1
Trevor Prangley defeats Baga Agaev by TKO (punches) at 2:03 of Round 3
Lakwinder Sekhon def. Vladimir Biandov by TKO at 5:00 of Round 2
Gurdarshan Mangat def. Si Cong Liu by Submission (Rear Naked Choke) at 2:37 of Round 2
Zelg Galesic def. Doug Marshall by KO (flying knee) at :34 of Round 1

J. Jones

53-Year-Old Man Fights on One-Hour Notice, Kicks Youngster’s Ass [VIDEO]

(Props: Wargo205 via ProMMANow)

It doesn’t matter how fancy things get at the top of the sport — MMA’s regional scene is still a chaotic mess where literally anything can happen. Case in point: At Fire Extreme Fighting’s show at the Kankakee Fair Grounds in Illinois on Saturday night, a 53-year-old spectator named Tim was asked if he’d come in as a replacement for a fighter who had dropped out at the last minute. Being in fair shape for his age, and open to new experiences, Tim agreed, and found himself staring down a 21-year-old opponent just an hour later.

You can check out the video above. When the dust settles on this one-round slobberknocker, Tim has won by TKO and we find out that the enthusiastic camera-person is none other than Stephan Bonnar. “You’re my hero! That was awesome!” Bonnar tells Tim, who’s a little too winded to walk us through the replay.

As for the 21-year-old who was left unconscious in a planked position? Details on him are scarce, but it’s very likely he didn’t get laid that night.


(Props: Wargo205 via ProMMANow)

It doesn’t matter how fancy things get at the top of the sport — MMA’s regional scene is still a chaotic mess where literally anything can happen. Case in point: At Fire Extreme Fighting’s show at the Kankakee Fair Grounds in Illinois on Saturday night, a 53-year-old spectator named Tim was asked if he’d come in as a replacement for a fighter who had dropped out at the last minute. Being in fair shape for his age, and open to new experiences, Tim agreed, and found himself staring down a 21-year-old opponent just an hour later.

You can check out the video above. When the dust settles on this one-round slobberknocker, Tim has won by TKO and we find out that the enthusiastic camera-person is none other than Stephan Bonnar. “You’re my hero! That was awesome!” Bonnar tells Tim, who’s a little too winded to walk us through the replay.

As for the 21-year-old who was left unconscious in a planked position? Details on him are scarce, but it’s very likely he didn’t get laid that night.

Robert Burneika’s MMA Debut Was Even Shittier Than Expected [VIDEO]


(Damn. Even Tank Abbott is embarrassed by that garbage.)

You may recall Robert Burneika, the Lithuanian strongman who had been preparing for his MMA debut mostly by high-kicking watermelons. Becoming the next Mariusz Pudzianowski is a questionable goal to shoot for, but Burneika took the first step Friday night at MMA ATTACK 2 in Katowice, Poland, by scoring a second-round stoppage over Polish tomato can Marcin Najman, who also happened to be Pudz’s first MMA victim. We kept our expectations low for this matchup, and the fight still fell short, for two main reasons:

– The way Burneika lunges forward with those front kicks suggests that he may not have had a legit Muay Thai coach in his camp.

– Najman spent the entire fight running in circles to avoid engaging, which gave the match an unfortunate Kimbo/Houston vibe. In five-and-a-half minutes of fight time, Najman threw less than ten strikes. I think it’s safe to say that he respected Burneika’s power a little too much.

If you want to get a look at the future of Polish freak-show fighting, check out the full video after the jump. 3:57-4:11 is pure slapstick.


(Damn. Even Tank Abbott is embarrassed by that garbage.)

You may recall Robert Burneika, the Lithuanian strongman who had been preparing for his MMA debut mostly by high-kicking watermelons. Becoming the next Mariusz Pudzianowski is a questionable goal to shoot for, but Burneika took the first step Friday night at MMA ATTACK 2 in Katowice, Poland, by scoring a second-round stoppage over Polish tomato can Marcin Najman, who also happened to be Pudz’s first MMA victim. We kept our expectations low for this matchup, and the fight still fell short, for two main reasons:

– The way Burneika lunges forward with those front kicks suggests that he may not have had a legit Muay Thai coach in his camp.

– Najman spent the entire fight running in circles to avoid engaging, which gave the match an unfortunate Kimbo/Houston vibe. In five-and-a-half minutes of fight time, Najman threw less than ten strikes. I think it’s safe to say that he respected Burneika’s power a little too much.

If you want to get a look at the future of Polish freak-show fighting, check out the full video after the jump. 3:57-4:11 is pure slapstick.

It’s Official: Hector Lombard Signs With the UFC


(Who the hell just asked me if I want to be a f*cking fighter?!) 

Talk about a great way to start of your day. Confirmed by none other than “Lightning” himself via his Twitter, it appears that Hector Lombard has officially signed with the UFC. After being offered a contract a little over a week ago, Lombard gave the Bellator brass a chance to match the UFC’s bid. But Bellator CEO Bjorn Rebney must have come to the same realization that nearly every sappy rom-com protagonist has; if you love something, let it go. Here’s what he told MMAFighting, who first broke the news:

We have a business model where we make decisions based on analyzing data. Since the first day we came into being, we made decisions based on real models, not hypotheticals. The UFC model is largely based on pay-per-view, and the offer they made to Hector is going to be monetized via pay-per-view. While pay-per-view could play a role in our future, today it doesn’t. So, we did our due diligence to review the UFC contract, analyzed it in terms of charging our audience to see Hector vs. putting him on free TV, and we decided to allow the UFC to sign Hector, where I am extremely confident he will win the UFC middleweight title on pay-per-view.

Currently 31-2 in MMA competition, Lombard finds himself on a ridiculous 25-fight win streak, including victories over TUF 7’s Jesse Taylor, UFC veterans Brian Ebersole and Joe Doerksen, and arch-nemesis Alexander Shlemenko, who, barring a sudden signing with the UFC, will not be receiving his well-earned rematch with Lombard anytime soon. It looks like it’ll be another cold year in Russia for “The Storm.” Lombard has not lost a fight since 2006, where he dropped a unanimous decision to Akihiro Gono at Pride – Bushido 13.

So I ask unto you, Potato Nation, who should Lombard face in his octagon debut? And how will he cope with fighting in a ring smaller than your average soccer arena?

Join us after the jump as we bid adieu to Hector’s Bellator run with a look back at his greatest hits. 


(Who the hell just asked me if I want to be a f*cking fighter?!) 

Talk about a great way to start of your day. Confirmed by none other than “Lightning” himself via his Twitter, it appears that Hector Lombard has officially signed with the UFC. After being offered a contract a little over a week ago, Lombard gave the Bellator brass a chance to match the UFC’s bid. But Bellator CEO Bjorn Rebney must have come to the same realization that nearly every sappy rom-com protagonist has; if you love something, let it go. Here’s what he told MMAFighting, who first broke the news:

We have a business model where we make decisions based on analyzing data. Since the first day we came into being, we made decisions based on real models, not hypotheticals. The UFC model is largely based on pay-per-view, and the offer they made to Hector is going to be monetized via pay-per-view. While pay-per-view could play a role in our future, today it doesn’t. So, we did our due diligence to review the UFC contract, analyzed it in terms of charging our audience to see Hector vs. putting him on free TV, and we decided to allow the UFC to sign Hector, where I am extremely confident he will win the UFC middleweight title on pay-per-view.

Currently 31-2 in MMA competition, Lombard finds himself on a ridiculous 25-fight win streak, including victories over TUF 7′s Jesse Taylor, UFC veterans Brian Ebersole and Joe Doerksen, and arch-nemesis Alexander Shlemenko, who, barring a sudden signing with the UFC, will not be receiving his well-earned rematch with Lombard anytime soon. It looks like it’ll be another cold year in Russia for “The Storm.” Lombard has not lost a fight since 2006, where he dropped a unanimous decision to Akihiro Gono at Pride – Bushido 13.

So I ask unto you, Potato Nation, who should Lombard face in his octagon debut? And how will he cope with fighting in a ring smaller than your average soccer arena?

Help us bid adieu to Hector’s Bellator run with a look back at his greatest hits.

Lombard vs. Jay Silva a.k.a “Six Second Prison Rape

Lombard vs. Herbert Goodman a.k.a “A Corpse Named ‘Whisper’ 

Lombard vs. Falaniko Vitale a.k.a “The Chris Hansen 

Lombard vs. Prangley a.k.a “DEAR GOD REF, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!” 

Lombard vs. Alexander Shlemenko a.k.a “The Lone Survivor” 

-J. Jones

“WMMA: McCorkle vs. Heden” — Big Sexy Gets TKO’d, Parisyan and Fancy Pants Win Big

(McCorkle vs. Heden round 1; round 2 is after the jump. Props: PVTHansen16)

Notably stacked for a regional card, Worldwide Mixed Martial Arts‘ debut event went down Saturday night in El Paso, Texas, and was highlighted by an upset in the main event and a handful of UFC vets smashing their way into the win column.

At this point, when Sean McCorkle gets booked against a smaller, doughier opponent with a journeyman’s record, we just assume that “Big Sexy” will bully his way to a first-round stoppage without much difficulty. But WMMA 1’s super-heavyweight main event didn’t go down like that. Though McCorkle (who tipped the scales at 312 pounds) came very close to finishing the 287-pound Brian Heden near the end of the first round, he blew his cardio wad in the process. With McCorkle barely able to lift his arms in round two, Heden was able to reverse a takedown, trap McCorkle’s left arm, and slug his way to a TKO victory. According to Danga, the announcer referred to the win as “the upset of the century.” (Somewhere, Gus Johnson is masturbating.) In a follow-up post on the UG, McCorkle lamented the cardio problems that have plagued his entire athletic career, credited Heden for showing up in “decent shape”* and vowed to retire if his cardio ever contributed to another loss.

In the co-main event, Karo Parisyan snapped a three-fight losing streak when he scored a unanimous decision over veteran Thomas Denny. Even more impressive, Drew Fickett snapped a four-fight losing streak when he choked out WEC/Bellator vet Kevin Knabjian, despite reports that Fickett was pretty well sauced throughout fight week. (Obviously, it could have been worse.)


(McCorkle vs. Heden round 1; round 2 is after the jump. Props: PVTHansen16)

Notably stacked for a regional card, Worldwide Mixed Martial Arts‘ debut event went down Saturday night in El Paso, Texas, and was highlighted by an upset in the main event and a handful of UFC vets smashing their way into the win column.

At this point, when Sean McCorkle gets booked against a smaller, doughier opponent with a journeyman’s record, we just assume that “Big Sexy” will bully his way to a first-round stoppage without much difficulty. But WMMA 1′s super-heavyweight main event didn’t go down like that. Though McCorkle (who tipped the scales at 312 pounds) came very close to finishing the 287-pound Brian Heden near the end of the first round, he blew his cardio wad in the process. With McCorkle barely able to lift his arms in round two, Heden was able to reverse a takedown, trap McCorkle’s left arm, and slug his way to a TKO victory. According to Danga, the announcer referred to the win as “the upset of the century.” (Somewhere, Gus Johnson is masturbating.) In a follow-up post on the UG, McCorkle lamented the cardio problems that have plagued his entire athletic career, credited Heden for showing up in “decent shape”* and vowed to retire if his cardio ever contributed to another loss.

In the co-main event, Karo Parisyan snapped a three-fight losing streak when he scored a unanimous decision over veteran Thomas Denny. Even more impressive, Drew Fickett snapped a four-fight losing streak when he choked out WEC/Bellator vet Kevin Knabjian, despite reports that Fickett was pretty well sauced throughout fight week. (Obviously, it could have been worse.)

Further down the card, Lyle “Fancy Pants” Beerbohm rebounded from his two-fight skid in Strikeforce with a first-round guillotine choke against Cleburn Walker. Also, UFC veteran Rodney “Sho Nuff the Master” Wallace outpointed Derrick Mehmen, while TUF 10 punchline Darrill Schoonover scored the biggest win of his career with a unanimous decision against Paul Buentello. The full list of results from WMMA 1 — as well as the stunning conclusion of McCorkle vs. Heden — are below.

– Brian Heden def. Sean McCorkle via TKO in round two
Karo Parisyan def. Thomas Denny via unanimous decision
– Lyle Beerbohm def. Cleburn Walker via submission (guillotine choke) in round one
– Drew Fickett def. Kevin Knabjian via submission (guillotine choke) in round one
– Willie Parks def. Jamaine Facey via unanimous decision
Rodney Wallace def. Derrick Mehmen via unanimous decision
Darrill Schoonover def. Paul Buentello via unanimous decision
– Chris Gruetzemacher def. Frank Gomez via TKO in round one
– Esteves Jones def. Deutsch Pu’u via TKO in round one
– Lionel Lanham def. Brad Peterson via TKO in round one

* I was going to make a lame joke about “round” being a shape, but Heden’s body-type is more “amorphous” than anything else.

Pancrase Fighter Scores Soccer-Kick KO, Freaks Out, Continues to Beat Opponent’s Ass [VIDEO]


(“I see no problem with this.” — Rousimar Palhares)

Perhaps in an ill-advised tribute to Kid Yamamoto, bantamweight veteran Seiya Kawahara went full you-know-what at Pancrase Progress Tour 3 on March 11th, utterly destroying Yuta Numakura with punches and soccer kicks in the first round, then continuing his attack when the referee — then several cornermen — attempted to restrain him. Nightmare of Battle explains what happened next:

No fight money, dropped off the Pancrase rankings, fight overturned to a no contest, and can’t compete in Pancrase pro or amateur events for 50 days. After losing the title fight with Manabu Inoue last year he has had trouble with injuries and this was his first fight in 10 months so I believe he got a little overexcited. His management said that this won’t happen again.

Yikes. I’d hate to see how Kawahara would act on a blind date after a long dry-spell. Check out the carnage after the jump…


(“I see no problem with this.” — Rousimar Palhares)

Perhaps in an ill-advised tribute to Kid Yamamoto, bantamweight veteran Seiya Kawahara went full you-know-what at Pancrase Progress Tour 3 on March 11th, utterly destroying Yuta Numakura with punches and soccer kicks in the first round, then continuing his attack when the referee — then several cornermen — attempted to restrain him. Nightmare of Battle explains what happened next:

No fight money, dropped off the Pancrase rankings, fight overturned to a no contest, and can’t compete in Pancrase pro or amateur events for 50 days. After losing the title fight with Manabu Inoue last year he has had trouble with injuries and this was his first fight in 10 months so I believe he got a little overexcited. His management said that this won’t happen again.

Yikes. I’d hate to see how Kawahara would act on a blind date after a long dry-spell. Check out the carnage after the jump…


(Props: JMMALives)