Having just finished watching the first trailer for Burning Angel’s much talked-about Ronda Rousey porn parody, Ronda ArouseMe: Grounded and Pounded, I am irate, Nation. Not because it contains absolutely zero nudity, and not because of any personal bias I have against star Kleio Valentien since she slapped that restraining order on me, but because my long and detailed list of spot-on casting suggestions for the project was completely, inexplicably ignored.
It’s as if ArouseMe director Joanna Angel didn’t appreciate or even take notice of the countless hours I clearly spent researching and drafting up that list, requiring no less than three recuperative naps in the process. Did they think I was only after a few extra clicks on a once mid-tier MMA blog, and not auditioning for a position in the multi-billion dollar industry that is porn casting? This was supposed to be *my* moment, god dammit! This was my chance to be a somebody!! (*kicks can*)
All that said, I’m sure there are a handful of you who’d still like to see the trailer for Ronda ArouseMe regardless of the fact that it took a steaming dump on my dreams, so check it out after the jump.
Having just finished watching the first trailer for Burning Angel’s much talked-about Ronda Rousey porn parody, Ronda ArouseMe: Grounded and Pounded, I am irate, Nation. Not because it contains absolutely zero nudity, and not because of any personal bias I have against star Kleio Valentien since she slapped that restraining order on me, but because my long and detailed list of spot-on casting suggestions for the project was completely, inexplicably ignored.
It’s as if ArouseMe director Joanna Angel didn’t appreciate or even take notice of the countless hours I clearly spent researching and drafting up that list, requiring no less than three recuperative naps in the process. Did they think I was only after a few extra clicks on a once mid-tier MMA blog, and not auditioning for a position in the multi-billion dollar industry that is porn casting? This was supposed to be *my* moment, god dammit! This was my chance to be a somebody!! (*kicks can*)
All that said, I’m sure there are a handful of you who’d still like to see the trailer for Ronda ArouseMe regardless of the fact that it took a steaming dump on my dreams, so check it out after the jump.
What, no Bangya Right? No Huge-O Peen LeSwell? Is the Burning Angel Sports Network even a thing? I WANT JUSTICE!!
(Breathe, Jared. Do as Dr. Fontanelle said and just. breathe.)
In the interest of fairness, I will say the trailer did manage to get a couple chuckles out of me — that line about Vin Diesel, especially. The ringside announcing duo of Angel and Small Hands are truly the Pepper and Cotton (or at least the Pepperfield and Redwood) of the porn world. I also appreciate that the entirety of the film appears to have been shot in a dank, humid chop shop, which in today’s age of big-budget, CGI-ridden pornos, is truly a breath of fresh air. (Not literally, of course.)
Break out your credit cards and order your three day limited trials ASAP, Tater Nation, because Ronda ArouseMe: Grounded and Pounded premieres tonight on BurningAngel.com.
Let’s get one thing straight, Kevin James has not exactly had the kind of career that would inspire a lot of confidence in his abilities as an actor. Sure, The King of Queens had it moments (not to mention all that Leah Remini goodness), but there is almost nothing that James can do to repair the mental anguish and self-inflicted bodily harm that Paul Blart: Mall Cop and Zookeeper were responsible for across the globe. We knew he was a big MMA fan, and seems like a pretty cool guy when he’s not squeezing out such 90 minute abortions as Grown Ups, I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, and…*checks IMDB*…GROWN UPS 2?!!
(Oh, the horror…)
So you can understand our trepidation when we awoke this morning to find the first trailer for James’ upcoming MMA film, Here Comes the Boom, waiting for us to absorb and dissect. Because, if we’re being completely honest, there haven’t been many great (or even good) MMA films to be released since the “boom” of the sport. The fact that the latest one was staring an overweight sitcom star who is basically box office cancer didn’t exactly inspire much hope either.
And honestly, now that we’ve actually seen the trailer, we’re kind of relieved. Kind of.
Check it out for yourselves after the jump and let us know what you think.
Let’s get one thing straight, Kevin James has not exactly had the kind of career that would inspire a lot of confidence in his abilities as an actor. Sure, The King of Queens had it moments (not to mention all that Leah Remini goodness), but there is almost nothing that James can do to repair the mental anguish and self-inflicted bodily harm that Paul Blart: Mall Cop and Zookeeper were responsible for across the globe. We knew he was a big MMA fan, and seems like a pretty cool guy when he’s not squeezing out such 90 minute abortions as Grown Ups, I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, and…*checks IMDB*…GROWN UPS 2?!!
(Oh, the horror…)
So you can understand our trepidation when we awoke this morning to find the first trailer for James’ upcoming MMA film, Here Comes the Boom, waiting for us to absorb and dissect. Because, if we’re being completely honest, there haven’t been many great (or even good) MMA films to be released since the “boom” of the sport. The fact that the latest one was staring an overweight sitcom star who is basically box office cancer didn’t exactly inspire much hope either.
And honestly, now that we’ve actually seen the trailer, we’re kind of relieved. Kind of.
Check it out for yourselves and let us know what you think.
In case the video doesn’t work for some of you, here’s the film’s plot, as scribed by ComingSoon:
In the comedy “Here Comes the Boom,” former collegiate wrester Scott Voss (Kevin James) is a 42-year-old apathetic biology teacher in a failing high school. When cutbacks threaten to cancel the music program and lay off its teacher (Henry Winkler,) Scott begins to raise money by moonlighting as a mixed martial arts fighter. Everyone thinks Scott is crazy – most of all the school nurse, Bella (Salma Hayek) – but in his quest, Scott gains something he never expected as he becomes a sensation that rallies the entire school.
The films stars such familiar faces as MMA legend Bas Rutten, recently released UFC fighter Jason “Mayhem” Miller (who channels Louis Gaudinot before getting violently KO’d), and the recently retired Krzysztof Soszynski (who pulls off a Superman punch all the way from Krypton at the 2:07 mark). It even includes some footage of “The Polish Experiment’s” fight with Brian Stann at UFC 97. And like we said, based on the trailer, the film doesn’t look all that bad. Sure, it’s no Warrior (which I have still yet to see) or even Redbelt (which was pretty awesome), but at least it’s not James smuggling an ape into a TGI Fridays, so that’s something right? Plus, Salma Hayek.
I don’t know, perhaps I’m just trying to have a more positive outlook on life.
Here Comes the Boom is scheduled to hit theaters on July 29th.
With the premiere of The Expendables 2 just a couple of months away, it seems like the former UFC Light Heavy/Heavyweight champion’s film career is just be beginning to take off. Aside from his returning role as Toll Road* in the aforementioned Sylvester Stallone-lead action extravaganza, he also has two other projects either completed or in post-production this year alone. One such project, Hijacked, sees him take on a role with a little more meat, alongside such stars as Vinnie Jones and Dominick Purcell. Although the IMDB page has yet to add a plot synopsis, the Youtube page that houses the trailer provided the following:
A high-octane, pulse-pounding story of one man out for justice in the sky, HIJACKED stars a top-notch cast of action heroes including former UFC Heavyweight Champion Randy Couture(The Expendables, and the upcoming The Expendables 2), Dominic Purcell (Straw Dogs, “Prison Break”), Tiffany Dupont (“Greek”), Holt McCallany (Fight Club), Craig Fairbrass (The Bank Job) and Vinnie Jones (Snatch, Kill The Irishman) .
Special Agent Ross’s (Couture) plans to reconcile with his ex-fiancé are ruined when she boards a private jet that is targeted by hijackers working for the same crime lord he is chasing. With no time to inform his team, Ross wriggles his way aboard the aircraft and risks it all to save the love of his life.
So basically, it’s kind of like Air Force One, minus the awesomeness of Gary Oldman and Harrison Ford, and thankfully without the suspension of disbelief necessary for us to believe that a woman could ever be Vice President (Sorry, Mrs. Close). Then again, considering Couture’s character is seeking to reconcile with an ex, it will be interesting to see Captain America play against type.
Trailer after the jump.
(Couture locks horns with a killer whale on the set of the upcoming sequel to 1977′s Orca.)
With the premiere of The Expendables 2 just a couple of months away, it seems like the former UFC Light Heavy/Heavyweight champion’s film career is just be beginning to take off. Aside from his returning role as Toll Road* in the aforementioned Sylvester Stallone-lead action extravaganza, he also has two other projects either completed or in post-production this year alone. One such project, Hijacked, sees him take on a role with a little more meat, alongside such stars as Vinnie Jones and Dominick Purcell. Although the IMDB page has yet to add a plot synopsis, the Youtube page that houses the trailer provided the following:
A high-octane, pulse-pounding story of one man out for justice in the sky, HIJACKED stars a top-notch cast of action heroes including former UFC Heavyweight Champion Randy Couture(The Expendables, and the upcoming The Expendables 2), Dominic Purcell (Straw Dogs, “Prison Break”), Tiffany Dupont (“Greek”), Holt McCallany (Fight Club), Craig Fairbrass (The Bank Job) and Vinnie Jones (Snatch, Kill The Irishman) .
Special Agent Ross’s (Couture) plans to reconcile with his ex-fiancé are ruined when she boards a private jet that is targeted by hijackers working for the same crime lord he is chasing. With no time to inform his team, Ross wriggles his way aboard the aircraft and risks it all to save the love of his life.
So basically, it’s kind of like Air Force One, minus the awesomeness of Gary Oldman and Harrison Ford, and thankfully without the suspension of disbelief necessary for us to believe that a woman could ever be Vice President (Sorry, Mrs. Close). Then again, considering Couture’s character is seeking to reconcile with an ex, it will be interesting to see Captain America play against type.
Check out the trailer and let us know what you think.
Well…we liked the font they used.
Does anyone else find it kind of odd to see the actors credentials listed right beneath their names, as if to say “You remember this guy from that thing, right? RIGHT?!” Anyway, our personal favorite moment comes at the 1:20 mark, where Couture is seen taking out a bad guy with the same rubber bat that Jim Breuer used during his “The Joe Pesci Show” skits back in the glory days of SNL. But perhaps we’re nitpicking a bit much. Based on the trailer, we’ll say this film looks just below the quality level of Dragon Eyes, but still miles above the shit sammich which was Cyborg Soldier.
Que up your Netflix list, Potato Nation, because we don’t think you’ll be seeing this one in theaters anytime soon.
* Yes, that is his actual name in the movie. We couldn’t believe it either. *Three* writers are credited with The Expendables, and not one of them could come up with a better name than that. Then again, considering the guy Stallone fought in the last Rocky movie was named Mason “The Line” Dixon, perhaps we shouldn’t really be surprised.
(Van Damme was convinced that the man before him was in fact Cung Le, no matter how much he pleaded that he was “just the delivery guy.”)
Somewhere in between having his nose turned into delicious mashed potatoes by Wanderlei Silva at UFC 139 and accepting a match with Rich Franklin at UFC 148, it looks like Cung Le managed to squeeze in another movie to add to his list of credentials that includes such films as Fighting, Pandorum, and Tekken. Being the only one of the above titles I have seen, I can honestly say that Pandorum wasn’t half bad, and neither was Le in it. That’s more than anyone say for Rampage Jackson’s film career thus far.
In any case, Le’s newest entry is called Dragon Eyes, and despite it’s ridiculously cliche title, it looks like it could actually be a pretty damn entertaining flick. Co-starring Jean-Claude Van Damme, Peter Weller, and JCVD film veteran Kristopher Van Varenberg, Dragon Eyes hits stores on April 9th.
Join us after the jump for the action-packed trailer.
(Van Damme was convinced that the man before him was in fact Cung Le, no matter how much he pleaded that he was “just the delivery guy.”)
Somewhere in between having his nose turned into delicious mashed potatoes by Wanderlei Silva at UFC 139 and accepting a match with Rich Franklin at UFC 148, it looks like Cung Le managed to squeeze in another movie to add to his list of credentials that includes such films as Fighting, Pandorum, and Tekken. Being the only one of the above titles I have seen, I can honestly say that Pandorum wasn’t half bad, and neither was Le in it. That’s more than anyone say for Rampage Jackson’s film career thus far.
In any case, Le’s newest entry is called Dragon Eyes, and despite it’s ridiculously cliche title, it looks like it could actually be a pretty damn entertaining flick. Co-starring Jean-Claude Van Damme, Peter Weller, and JCVD film veteran Kristopher Van Varenberg, Dragon Eyes hits theaters stores on April 9th.
I counted 3 Superman punches, 47 different kicks (including some Sweet Chin Music at 1:10), 18 war cries, and possibly the sweetest belly to back suplex that has ever been captured on film (:58). And with Le’s Shan Shou prowess and Van Damme’s well documented affinity for spin kicks, how can this movie not be a literal tornado of awesomeness? I’m surprised they didn’t bring the sets down with their combined centrifugal forces alone.
Directed by Bobby Razak, whom you may know as the man behind the amazing Tapout short film, The Future of MMA (that video is after the jump), The History of MMA takes a nostalgic look back at the highs and lows of the sport we love oh so much, and includes commentary from several legends of the sport, including Bas Rutten, Frank Shamrock, Mark Coleman, and referee Big John McCarthy among others. And as luck would have it, Mr. Razak decided to drop the trailer yesterday. We would advise that you check it out.
As you can see, the film touches on many of MMA’s most infamous moments; John McCain’s labeling of the sport as “human cockfighting,” its evolution through Pancrase, and the moment Tito Ortiz decided he had what it took to roc da mic right, yeah. On a side note, we bet Tank Abbott is gonna be pissed when he finds out that his name and photo appear whilst Bas Rutten describes how the UFC used to bring in “big guys with no skill.”
Anyway, join us after the jump to check out The Future of MMA, as well as an up close and personal excerpt from The History of MMA featuring Fred Ettish, a fighter whom, after getting obliterated in his only professional mixed martial arts contest at UFC 2, came back to claim his first win in 2009. At age 53.
Directed by Bobby Razak, whom you may know as the man behind the amazing Tapout short film, The Future of MMA (that video is after the jump), The History of MMA takes a nostalgic look back at the highs and lows of the sport we love oh so much, and includes commentary from several legends of the sport, including Bas Rutten, Frank Shamrock, Mark Coleman, and referee Big John McCarthy among others. And as luck would have it, Mr. Razak decided to drop the trailer yesterday. We would advise that you check it out.
As you can see, the film touches on many of MMA’s most infamous moments; John McCain’s labeling of the sport as “human cockfighting,” its evolution through Pancrase, and the moment Tito Ortiz decided he had what it took to roc da mic right, yeah. On a side note, we bet Tank Abbott is gonna be pissed when he finds out that his name and photo appear whilst Bas Rutten describes how the UFC used to bring in “big guys with no skill.”
Anyway, join us after the jump to check out The Future of MMA, as well as an up close and personal excerpt from The History of MMA featuring Fred Ettish, a fighter whom, after getting obliterated in his only professional mixed martial arts contest at UFC 2, came back to claim his first win in 2009. At age 53.
The History of MMA
Fred Ettish Interview
Details remain sketchy about The History of MMA’s release date, but we will keep you updated on any developments as they transpire.
