As is often the case with Russian alley fights, context and backstory are completely irrelevant here. But basically, this video features a guy in a hooded jacket demolishing two consecutive foes with two perfect punches. The first victim gets falling tree’d with a left hook. The second one eats an off-balance haymaker and drops to the ground, temporarily dead.
Watch that second knockout again and you will notice two things. 1) The dude got knocked out while trying to throw a leg kick. In a street fight. So, so embarrassing. 2) The second knockout victim also had a cigarette in his mouth at the time, which was ejected like a bullet due to the force of the punch. Those two details combine to make this video a late front-runner for 2014 Unsanctioned Fight of the Year. If you have any better candidates, let us know.
* I’m going to assume these people are Russian, because the full video of this incident was originally uploaded to the FromRussiaWithLOLs YouTube account. And that’s what passes for fact-checking around here.
As is often the case with Russian alley fights, context and backstory are completely irrelevant here. But basically, this video features a guy in a hooded jacket demolishing two consecutive foes with two perfect punches. The first victim gets falling tree’d with a left hook. The second one eats an off-balance haymaker and drops to the ground, temporarily dead.
Watch that second knockout again and you will notice two things. 1) The dude got knocked out while trying to throw a leg kick. In a street fight. So, so embarrassing. 2) The second knockout victim also had a cigarette in his mouth at the time, which was ejected like a bullet due to the force of the punch. Those two details combine to make this video a late front-runner for 2014 Unsanctioned Fight of the Year. If you have any better candidates, let us know.
* I’m going to assume these people are Russian, because the full video of this incident was originally uploaded to the FromRussiaWithLOLs YouTube account. And that’s what passes for fact-checking around here.
Today’s example of inhuman Russian toughness comes to us from the International Federation of Full Contact Fighting, where a fighter won a recent match by rear-naked choke directly after having his leg snapped and twisted sideways by his opponent.
Skip to the video’s 0:40 mark to see the fighter in red shorts grab an ankle and start working on a heel hook. At the 0:54 mark, you can see that the fighter in blue shorts is in a position that you might describe as “uncomfortable.” Realizing that his tough-as-nails opponent isn’t going to tap so easily, Red Fighter re-adjusts the hold and cranks the absolute bejesus out of Blue Fighter’s ankle. I think what you’re hearing at the 1:05-1:06 mark is ligaments tearing off the bone.
999,999,999 out of a billion times, this would result in the leg-lock victim screaming in agony and tapping as quickly as possible. Instead, Blue Fighter goes “full Russian” and snatches the now-exposed neck of Red Fighter. The following sequence is unbelievable. When the camera angle changes, we see how badly-off Blue Fighter’s leg is. But amazingly, he holds the choke until Red Fighter releases the leg lock and starts tapping. Blue Fighter tries to get up to celebrate his victory, and quickly realizes that, nope, he ain’t walking out of here on that thing. It’s inspirational and bizarre and a little sad all at once.
If you know Blue Fighter’s name or how much he got paid for this match, please let us know at [email protected].
Today’s example of inhuman Russian toughness comes to us from the International Federation of Full Contact Fighting, where a fighter won a recent match by rear-naked choke directly after having his leg snapped and twisted sideways by his opponent.
Skip to the video’s 0:40 mark to see the fighter in red shorts grab an ankle and start working on a heel hook. At the 0:54 mark, you can see that the fighter in blue shorts is in a position that you might describe as “uncomfortable.” Realizing that his tough-as-nails opponent isn’t going to tap so easily, Red Fighter re-adjusts the hold and cranks the absolute bejesus out of Blue Fighter’s ankle. I think what you’re hearing at the 1:05-1:06 mark is ligaments tearing off the bone.
999,999,999 out of a billion times, this would result in the leg-lock victim screaming in agony and tapping as quickly as possible. Instead, Blue Fighter goes “full Russian” and snatches the now-exposed neck of Red Fighter. The following sequence is unbelievable. When the camera angle changes, we see how badly-off Blue Fighter’s leg is. But amazingly, he holds the choke until Red Fighter releases the leg lock and starts tapping. Blue Fighter tries to get up to celebrate his victory, and quickly realizes that, nope, he ain’t walking out of here on that thing. It’s inspirational and bizarre and a little sad all at once.
If you know Blue Fighter’s name or how much he got paid for this match, please let us know at [email protected].
This time, it’s none other than former lightweight champion Ben Henderson who has apparently mixed up his Russians. After Khabilov was forced to withdraw from his fight with Dos Anjos due to injury (which in turn led to Dos Anjos vs. Nurmagomedov actually being booked), he recently took to Twitter to request a shot at “a fighter like Ben Henderson.” Henderson quickly accepted, but it was what he tweeted back that raised a few eyebrows.
“Seems like no 1 wants to play with u buddy,” tweeted Henderson. The only problem is, it’s Nurmagomedov, not Khabilov, that’s been having trouble finding opponents — both Nate Diaz and Gil Melendez have turned him down in recent months. In any case, Henderson vs. Khabilov has now been booked to headline a TBD “Fight Night” card on June 7th at the Tingley Coliseum in Albuquerque, New Mexico. It’ll be the UFC’s first-ever event in ABQ, home of the world-renowned Jackson’s MMA camp, where Khabilov trains.
This time, it’s none other than former lightweight champion Ben Henderson who has apparently mixed up his Russians. After Khabilov was forced to withdraw from his fight with Dos Anjos due to injury (which in turn led to Dos Anjos vs. Nurmagomedov actually being booked), he recently took to Twitter to request a shot at “a fighter like Ben Henderson.” Henderson quickly accepted, but it was what he tweeted back that raised a few eyebrows.
“Seems like no 1 wants to play with u buddy,” tweeted Henderson. The only problem is, it’s Nurmagomedov, not Khabilov, that’s been having trouble finding opponents — both Nate Diaz and Gil Melendez have turned him down in recent months. In any case, Henderson vs. Khabilov has now been booked to headline a TBD “Fight Night” card on June 7th at the Tingley Coliseum in Albuquerque, New Mexico. It’ll be the UFC’s first-ever event in ABQ, home of the world-renowned Jackson’s MMA camp, where Khabilov trains.
Of course, in Henderson’s eyes, Khabilov and Nurmagomedov pretty much are the same. Both are steadily-rising contenders who have yet to crack the top 15, both are strong grapplers (although Khabilov isn’t afraid to throw some spinning sh*t every now and again), and both are Russian and therefore hate America and Freedom. What other motivation does he need? FOR VICTORY, BENDO. FOR GLORY. FOR *CRIMEA*. WOLVERINES!!!
(“You know what, Steve, I’m not really feeling this fight. Think I’ll just sit out a few plays.” Photo via Getty.)
Fight-booking articles are a dime a dozen. Throw a couple statistics here, a fighter breakdown there, and top it all off with some information about the event and you’ve got yourself a perfectly normal, haiku-length article that you could almost pass off as journalism. And then its back to huffing duster in your grandmother’s basement, desperately and fruitlessly attempting to blind yourself from the hellscape that has become your reality. But at least you don’t have to wear a tie to work! (*laughs, cries into whiskey*)
The point is, there are some matchups you can’t help but elaborate on as a fan of the sport — Woodley vs. Condit, for instance. But there are only so many ways to inform you readers that several lower-level fights have recently been booked on (under)cards you probably won’t even watch, so when all else fails, we resort to the GIF. Let’s get to the fight bookings!
#6 – Brad Scott vs. Claudio Henrique da Silva – Fight Night 37 (March 8, London)
I have no idea who these people are. Ranking:
(“You know what, Steve, I’m not really feeling this fight. Think I’ll just sit out a few plays.” Photo via Getty.)
Fight-booking articles are a dime a dozen. Throw a couple statistics here, a fighter breakdown there, and top it all off with some information about the event and you’ve got yourself a perfectly normal, haiku-length article that you could almost pass off as journalism. And then its back to huffing duster in your grandmother’s basement, desperately and fruitlessly attempting to blind yourself from the hellscape that has become your reality. But at least you don’t have to wear a tie to work! (*laughs, cries into whiskey*)
The point is, there are some matchups you can’t help but elaborate on as a fan of the sport – Woodley vs. Condit, for instance. But there are only so many ways to inform you readers that several lower-level fights have recently been booked on (under)cards you probably won’t even watch, so when all else fails, we resort to the GIF. Let’s get to the fight bookings!
#6 – Brad Scott vs. Claudio Henrique da Silva – Fight Night 37 (March 8, London)
I have no idea who these people are. Ranking:
#5 – Tony Martin vs. Rashid Magomedov – UFC 169 (Feb. 1, NJ)
I have no idea who either of these people are either, but as Chairman of the Russian-U.S.A. Coalition for a Better, More Tolerant Tomorrow (RUSAECBMTT, for short), I am semi-obligated to hype the 15-1 Magomedov. He’s on an eight fight tear and is a solid grappler if the Interwebz are to be believed, but he also hasn’t fought in over a year, so it’ll be interesting to see how he fares against the 8-0 ground wizard Tim Martin, who will also be making his UFC debut. Ranking:
#4 – Neil Magny vs. Gasan Umalatov – UFC 169
It’s do-or-die time for TUF 16‘s Neil Magny, who will enter the cage on February 1st having dropped his last two fights to Sergio Moraes and Seth Baczynski at UFC 163 and Fight for the Troops 3, respectively. Unfortunately for Magny, he’s been matched against another Russian with a solid record and a surname ending in “tov.” Luckily for Magny, “tov” ranks behind “dov,” “bov” and even “nov” in terms of the P4P most devastating last syllable of a surname (LSoS, for short) that can possessed by a Russian…
…what was I talking about again? Boobs? Boobs. Ranking:
#3 – Luke Barnatt vs. Mats Nilsson – Fight Night 37
Luke Barnatt may be on the heels of his biggest career win (a second round submission over Andrew Craig in Fight Night 30′s “Fight of the Night”), but I think the most important thing here is his nickname, “Bigslow.” Does it just mean that Barnatt is both big AND slow, and if so, why did he combine two normal words into one terrible word? Or is his nickname, as I believe, his way of informing the public that he is the bastard son of Kim Winslow and Bigfoot? Think about it, they’re both lanky, white as whipped cream, and “do” MMA. What other evidence do you need?
Anyways, Bigslow is going to savage UFC newcomer Mats Nilsson like the dude stole his Jack Links beef jerky. Ranking:
Whether it’s been in victory or defeat, there’s no denying that TUF Smashes winner Robert Whittaker has been entertaining as hell to watch in the octagon. On the heels of a hard fought decision loss to Court McGee at Fight Night 27, Whittaker will be given no easy rebound fight in “Wonderboy” Thomson, who improved to 3-1 in the UFC with a 2nd round TKO of Chris Clements at UFC 165.
A fierce and technical striker with an impeccable kickboxing record, Thompson’s sole loss in the UFC has come at the hands of the resurgent Matt Brown in April of last year. His style is pretty much the antithesis of Whittaker, a brawler who usually looks for the one-punch KO, so Thompson will either continue to do what he do and make short work of the Aussie or wind up on the wrong side of an upset KO. In either case, this is definitely a fight worth watching. Ranking:
Score another one for the Armchair Matchmaker, which rightfully called for and in turn received a matchup between top flyweight contenders John Lineker and Ali BagautiNOV (told ya). We all know the story with Lineker: 4-1 in the UFC, hits like a truck full of bricks, weighs-in like a truck full of ham, yadda yadda. If he can actually make 125 lbs for once and put away a rising star like Bagautinov, who improved his UFC record to 2-0 with a unanimous decision over the highly-touted Tim Elliot at UFC 167, we could be looking at our next title challenger. In which case, slugfest much?
Speaking of nicknames, “Puncher King” might be the most Russian nickname ever. Ranking:
How would you rank these fights of varying importance? Let us know in the comments section.
(All the same? Where would someone even *get* such an idea?)
Having logged over 2000 man-hours on GoldenEye for the N64, I can state with confidence that I am something of an expert on Russian culture. For those of you who have not heard of this mythical land, Russia is basically the Florida of Eurasia, a borderline uninhabitable wasteland where only the craziest, meanest, tooth-and-nailiest sonsabitches gather to grow beards and trade fisticuffs. Gaining entrance to Russia requires the exact same right of passage as The Salty Spitoon — no passport is necessary, they just ask you how tough you are and you better have the right goddamn answer.
And the people who actually choose to live there? Stoic, hard-nosed mountain men who chug despair and consume the weak all. Oh, you say you’re celebrating your birthday, 63-year old man? Fuck you, turn down the music or I break your face. These are a people who willingly eat lampreys. Lampreys, you guys.
Having spent a lot of (virtual) time in Russia, I have grown accustomed to the stereotypical light in which Russians are oft regarded by outsiders (*ahem*). So when I found out that Rafael Dos Anjos had only agreed to fight Rustam Khabilov at UFC 170 because he thought Khabilov was the UFC’s other Russian, Khabib Nurmagomedov, I was as outraged as you would imagine.
But that’s what happened, at least according to the Brazilian’s recent interview with Globo:
(All the same? Where would someone even *get* such an idea?)
Having logged over 2000 man-hours on GoldenEye for the N64, I can state with confidence that I am something of an expert on Russian culture. For those of you who have not heard of this mythical land, Russia is basically the Florida of Eurasia, a borderline uninhabitable wasteland where only the craziest, meanest, tooth-and-nailiest sonsabitches gather to grow beards and trade fisticuffs. Gaining entrance to Russia requires the exact same right of passage as The Salty Spitoon – no passport is necessary, they just ask you how tough you are and you better have the right goddamn answer.
And the people who actually choose to live there? Stoic, hard-nosed mountain men who chug despair and consume the weak all. Oh, you say you’re celebrating your birthday, 63-year old man? Fuck you, turn down the music or I break your face. These are a people who willingly eat lampreys. Lampreys, you guys.
Having spent a lot of (virtual) time in Russia, I have grown accustomed to the stereotypical light in which Russians are oft regarded by outsiders (*ahem*). So when I found out that Rafael Dos Anjos had only agreed to fight Rustam Khabilov at UFC 170 because he thought Khabilov was the UFC’s other Russian, Khabib Nurmagomedov, I was as outraged as you would imagine.
But that’s what happened, at least according to the Brazilian’s recent interview with Globo:
My manager Ed Soares, he was telling me, said. ‘The UFC gave you the Russian.’ It was a lack of communication. I thought it was the Russian Khabib Nurmagomedov, who is seventh in the rankings. Even though he was behind me, I thought it was a fight that might make more sense, and I accepted. Only two days later in a publication tagged me on Twitter and I saw it was Rustam Khabilov. Then I saw that something was wrong and called my manager, and he said: ‘Not Khabib (Nurmagomedov).’ But, then I had already accepted the fight. It was lack of communication. He also thought it was Nurmagomedov.
So this whole thing is that shiny-headed worm Ed Soares’ fault, eh? Quick Skeeter, why don’t you tell Ed how we treat the socially ignorant ’round here. Do not. take. kindly.
We can understand that Dos Anjos might be upset to learn that he is actually facing an unranked opponent next, but at the same time, he should probably know by now that the UFC rankings don’t mean jack shit. Khabilov is one of the fiercest up-and-comers in the lightweight division, and while a win over “The Russian” might not earn Dos Anjos a title shot outright, it would surely solidify his place as a top contender in the division. Should he lose, however, I’d like to suggest that both he and Soares be forced to attend a weekly tolerance seminar to help them learn from their mistakes. RUSSIANS ARE PEOPLE TOO, DAMMIT! (just barely, but still)
(The first self-induced double KO since Hamill vs. Munoz, everybody. Gif courtesy of @ZProphet_MMA.)
While attending a charity boxing event yesterday — the cleverly dubbed “Haymakers for Hope” — my roommate and I got into a discussion about what ethnic and geographic backgrounds could be combined to make the “perfect” boxer, or MMA fighter for that matter. It was basically a hypothetical game of Racist Transformers, but is it really racist if it’s both hypothetical and rooted in positive stereotypes? I digress.
In any case, we both agreed that a Russian component would have to be in the mix somehow. While my roommate argued that a Russian-born Irishman raised in Brazil would make for a true “Ultimate Fighter” (which, considering what the average trip to the gas station can be like down there, is a sound choice), I believed a Brazilian-born Samoan raised in the desolate, hopeless tundras of Mother Russia would surely become the undefeatable killing machine prophesied in the before times. “All Russians know is despair,” I said. “And that makes them stronger.”
Last night’s ProFC 50 bout between Boris Miroshnichenko and Herman Yakubov both confirmed and denied my suspicions about the Russian people. While Yakubov, a Russian, was KO’d in the first round by his Belarusian counterpart, he also made sure to knock himself out again with his own knee on the way down, lawn chair style, and a third time when his head hit the canvas — as if to say, “Although you have damaged me, comrade, know that your damage holds not a candle to those wrought by my own devices. For what is life but the prolonging of inevitable death? And what is death, if not a face at peace…”
(The first self-induced double KO since Hamill vs. Munoz, everybody. Gif courtesy of @ZProphet_MMA.)
While attending a charity boxing event yesterday — the cleverly dubbed “Haymakers for Hope” — my roommate and I got into a discussion about what ethnic and geographic backgrounds could be combined to make the “perfect” boxer, or MMA fighter for that matter. It was basically a hypothetical game of Racist Transformers, but is it really racist if it’s both hypothetical and rooted in positive stereotypes? I digress.
In any case, we both agreed that a Russian component would have to be in the mix somehow. While my roommate argued that a Russian-born Irishman raised in Brazil would make for a true “Ultimate Fighter” (which, considering what the average trip to the gas station can be like down there, is a sound choice), I believed a Brazilian-born Samoan raised in the desolate, hopeless tundras of Mother Russia would surely become the undefeatable killing machine prophesied in the before times. “All Russians know is despair,” I said. “And that makes them stronger.”
Last night’s ProFC 50 bout between Boris Miroshnichenko and Herman Yakubov both confirmed and denied my suspicions about the Russian people. While Yakubov, a Russian, was KO’d in the first round by his Belarusian counterpart, he also made sure to knock himself out again with his own knee on the way down, lawn chair style, and a third time when his head hit the canvas — as if to say, “Although you have damaged me, comrade, know that your damage holds not a candle to those wrought by my own devices. For what is life but the prolonging of inevitable death? And what is death, if not a face at peace…”
