Tag: Shane Carwin

[VIDEO] Britney Palmer Celebrates the 12 Days of Christmas in Her Skivvies


(Don’t worry, Fido, we’re pissed we can’t hump her leg either.) 

Thanks to the athletic supplement brand Gamma Labs, my penis has officially never been more confused in its life. It’s like a nervous groundhog down there, unsure of whether or not we’ll have six more weeks of winter. And all in the name of Christmas.

Picture this scenario: Brittney Palmer is in your living room, counting down the 12 days of Christmas in red lingerie, preferably while you wait for her evil but equally hot doppelganger to arrive and help you pick out stocking stuffers together (BA-DUM-TSH!). Sounds awesome, right? Now picture that, as you’re about to lay this gorgeous piece of work down by the fireplace, she suddenly morphs into PETE FREAKING SELL, complete with two black eyes and a shitload of tinsel (and probably a cold cut combo somewhere in there). Then Shane Carwin shows up. Then Chuck Liddell. Then Joe Stevenson and an army of caroling children. And so on. And so forth. It is a hellish nightmare that I wouldn’t wish upon the dingus of my worst enemy, yet Gamma Labs has spawned forth this erectoral purgatory on us all seemingly as some sort of cruel holiday joke.

Video after the jump. 


(Don’t worry, Fido, we’re pissed we can’t hump her leg either.) 

Thanks to the athletic supplement brand Gamma Labs, my penis has officially never been more confused in its life. It’s like a nervous groundhog down there, unsure of whether or not we’ll have six more weeks of winter. And all in the name of Christmas.

Picture this scenario: Brittney Palmer is in your living room, counting down the 12 days of Christmas in red lingerie, preferably while you wait for her evil but equally hot doppelganger to arrive and help you pick out stocking stuffers together (BA-DUM-TSH!). Sounds awesome, right? Now picture that, as you’re about to lay this gorgeous piece of work down by the fireplace, she suddenly morphs into PETE FREAKING SELL, complete with two black eyes and a shitload of tinsel (and probably a cold cut combo somewhere in there). Then Shane Carwin shows up. Then Chuck Liddell. Then Joe Stevenson and an army of caroling children. And so on. And so forth. It is a hellish nightmare that I wouldn’t wish upon the dingus of my worst enemy, yet Gamma Labs has spawned forth this erectoral purgatory on us all seemingly as some sort of cruel holiday joke.

And now, TO THE AWARDS!

Best Singing Voice: Tom Lawler. Dude’s got a croon that would shame Bing Crosby into cutting out his own vocal chords with a spork.

Most Enthusiasm: Easily Urijah Faber, although we hear he tweeted an x-ray photo of the dislocated shoulder he suffered immediately after the shoot was over.

Best Non-Brittney Moment: Johny Hendricks floating face down in a hot tub, likely screaming about why GSP is such a pussy and how he wishes Nick Diaz was never born.

Saddest Moment: Seeing that Joe Stevenson, a former UFC title challenger, is now training at the same dojo where Cosmo Kramer once dominated the white belt karate circuit. Even worse, “Big Daddy” is still getting choked out in practice.

–J. Jones

Dana White Talks Shane Carwin’s Future and Relationship with Stephan Bonnar

Following the UFC on Fox 5 pre-fight press conference, Dana White spoke with attending media about a wide variety of topics. While most of the focus was on Ronda Rousey and this weekend’s event, there were some notable tidbits about the current happeni…

Following the UFC on Fox 5 pre-fight press conference, Dana White spoke with attending media about a wide variety of topics. While most of the focus was on Ronda Rousey and this weekend’s event, there were some notable tidbits about the current happenings with the UFC. 

For those that were not aware, Shane Carwin was forced to pull out his fight with Roy Nelson at The Ultimate Fighter 16 Finale in Las Vegas after suffering a knee injury. They coached opposite of one another on the current season of The Ultimate Fighter on FX. 

The 37-year-old heavyweight was already coming off an extended layoff due to back surgery that kept him out of action for over a year. The latest injury will keep him on the shelf even longer as he attempts to repair his body for one last run. 

The UFC president isn’t too sure that the former UFC interim heavyweight champion can bounce back from such an injury.

“I dunno, man. I just talked to him the other day. He’s so depressed. He’s completely bummed out and depressed and I feel bad for the guy. It’s tough to bounce back,” White told Bleacher Report. “Especially cause he’s not getting any younger and having a major injury like that, it’s tough to bounce back from.”

Judging from his words and mannerisms, White doesn’t see an Octagon return as likely for Carwin, as his body just doesn’t seem to be holding up under the rigors of intense training. 

The conversation then switched to Stephan Bonnar, who tested positive for Drostanolone following his UFC 153 bout against Anderson Silva. Bonnar stepped up on short notice to face Silva in order to save the Brazilian event, which suffered numerous injuries at the top of the card. 

It was Bonnar‘s retirement fight and the second time that he’s tested positive for a banned substance during his UFC career. While it’s apparent that White is mad that Bonnar was using a performance-enhancing drug (PED), it’s pretty clear that the light heavyweight will always have a home in the UFC.

“I have not talked to Bonnar yet. I’m still mad at Bonnar. I’m mad. I’m mad at him. I don’t hate him. It’s not like I’ll never have a relationship with Stephan Bonnar again. He’ll always be with the UFC. His fight with Forrest, we’re all here because of that. But I’m mad at him. He should have told me.”

 

All quotes attained by Bleacher Report firsthand.

Read more MMA news on BleacherReport.com

Shane Carwin: Is It Time for the Often-Injured Heavyweight to Retire?

With a 12-2 record, Shane Carwin has had a pretty decent MMA career. Although he’s lost two straight, those losses came to a former champ in Brock Lesnar and current UFC champion Junior Dos Santos. Carwin dominated Lesnar in the first round o…

With a 12-2 record, Shane Carwin has had a pretty decent MMA career. 

Although he’s lost two straight, those losses came to a former champ in Brock Lesnar and current UFC champion Junior Dos Santos. 

Carwin dominated Lesnar in the first round of their fight before gassing out and being submitted. 

After a string of injuries, Carwin returned to face Dos Santos. Dos Santos dominated the fight, but Carwin became just the second man to go a full three rounds with the champ. 

After the dos Santos bout, Carwin faced injuries and surgeries before signing on to face Roy Nelson. 

Although Carwin‘s rivalry with Nelson was set to end at The Ultimate Fighter 16 Finale, the injury bug has once again hit him.

While Carwin has had issues with his back and neck before, this time it was a blown knee that took him out.

Carwin was once one of the most feared fighters in the UFC.

His first 12 fights ended in the first round, with almost all of them ending in the first three minutes.

Carwin is also a former UFC interim heavyweight champion and holds wins over Frank Mir and Gabriel Gonzaga.

But while Carwin may still have the fighting spirit, his body just does not seem to be holding up.

If Carwin were a much younger fighter, it would almost be tragic how his career has been over the past couple of years.

But Carwin is 37 and will turn 38 in a little over a month’s time.

Usually athletes of any sport start considering retirement when they start pushing 40. 

It does not help when you put your body in so much stress like MMA fighters do just to train. 

Carwin may want to prove that he still has some fight left in him. But the safer thing for his body may be just to slow down and retire. 

Since 2009, Carwin has only had four fights with a 2-2 record. 

Carwin once had the knockout power to take out almost anybody. But as long as his body can’t hold up, having knockout power is pointless.  

Read more MMA news on BleacherReport.com

Matt Mitrione Steps In Against Roy Nelson at TUF 16 Finale After Cheick Kongo Turns It Down


(Yeah, Matt, we’re all pissed about the Giants last performance.) 

When we last heard from Matt Mitrione, he had placed himself in Dana White’s crosshairs by committing the #1 sin a UFC fighter can commit. No, not failing a drug test that eventually cancels the biggest fight of the year — that sort of thing can easily be forgiven. The man known by many as simply “Meathead” did something much, much worse: he refused to bail the UFC out by taking a fight against Daniel Cormier when Frank Mir got injured. THE AUDACITY.

Out of action since October of 2011 and coming off a hype-derailing performance against Cheick Kongo, Mitrione needed to step up for the UFC in one way or another ASAP, lest he find himself Attonito’d. The perfect opportunity arose when Shane Carwin became the sixth coach in the last eight TUF seasons to pull out of his scheduled fight due to injury. So bada boom bada bing, Mitrione will now be squaring off against fellow TUF 10 castmate Roy Nelson at the TUF 16 Finale in December.


(Yeah, Matt, we’re all pissed about the Giants last performance.) 

When we last heard from Matt Mitrione, he had placed himself in Dana White’s crosshairs by committing the #1 sin a UFC fighter can commit. No, not failing a drug test that eventually cancels the biggest fight of the year — that sort of thing can easily be forgiven. The man known by many as simply “Meathead” did something much, much worse: he refused to bail the UFC out by taking a fight against Daniel Cormier when Frank Mir got injured. THE AUDACITY.

Out of action since October of 2011 and coming off a hype-derailing performance against Cheick Kongo, Mitrione needed to step up for the UFC in one way or another ASAP, lest he find himself Attonito’d. The perfect opportunity arose when Shane Carwin became the sixth coach in the last eight TUF seasons to pull out of his scheduled fight due to injury. So bada boom bada bing, Mitrione will now be squaring off against fellow TUF 10 castmate Roy Nelson at the TUF 16 Finale in December.

Ironically enough, Kongo was originally being sought after to fill in against Nelson. One would think that, given his last few performances (snoozer over Mitrione, crushed by Mark Hunt, even worse snoozer over Shawn Jordan), Kongo would want to try and earn a little redemption in both the fans and the UFC’s eyes by stepping up. Then again, Nelson’s short and stout frame would have made it difficult for the 6’4″ Frenchman to turn “Big Country’s” testicles into flapjacks with a series of low blows, so perhaps it makes sense that he turned the fight down.

In either case, Mitrione vs. Nelson will now headline the preposterously titled TUF 16 Finale, a card which more or less sums up the kind of talent the UFC has been able to discover in the past few seasons of the show. Which is to say, none. I mean, just look at this card:

-Roy Nelson vs. Matt Mitrione
-”TUF 16″ tournament final
-James Head vs. Mike Pyle
-Tim Elliott vs. Jared Papazian
-Pat Barry vs. Shane Del Rosario
-Melvin Guillard vs. Jamie Varner
-Jonathan Brookins vs. Dustin Poirier
-Johnny Bedford vs. Marcos Vinicius
-Rustam Khabilov vs. Vinc Pichel
-Nick Catone vs. T.J. Waldburger
-Reuben Duran vs. Hugo Viana
-John Cofer vs. Mike Rio

I know, pretty stacked for a TUF Finale, right? That might be because there are only two members from the current season competing on the card, who will undoubtedly have long careers in the UFC ahead of them [SARCASM].

This is what baffles me most about the current state of TUF. MMA is constantly evolving; gyms are popping up more frequently around the world than zits on a teenagers mug and producing more talented up and comers than ever before. Thousands upon thousands of fighters audition for TUF each year, yet somehow, those who are deemed talented enough for the show are simultaneously so untalented that they don’t even deserve a shot on the card dedicated to the show they were just on? After months of training with top fighters at their disposal?

I have no clue if Ross Pointon is a more talented fighter than the “Let me bang, bro” guy or not, but the TUF Finale events are starting to resemble some ass-backwards high school graduation where no students are actually invited on stage and instead spend three hours watching the teachers and past alumni stroke each other’s egos. And half of the teachers are from different schools. Perhaps stealing the casting crew behind the Real World/Road Rules Challenge wasn’t such a good move by the UFC after all…

…SO WHO’S EXCITED FOR NEXT SEASON?!

–J. Jones

TUF 16 Finale: Matt Mitrione Steps in to Face Roy Nelson

It was almost an expected disappointment when we learned that Shane Carwin was out due to injury from his TUF 16 Finale match against Roy Nelson. And that’s not just because of the curse of the over-trained fighter which has afflicted the UFC rep…

It was almost an expected disappointment when we learned that Shane Carwin was out due to injury from his TUF 16 Finale match against Roy Nelson. And that’s not just because of the curse of the over-trained fighter which has afflicted the UFC repeatedly throughout the year.

Only as recently as last September I reported that Carwin suffered a minor injury, but at the time we were told the match was still on. But now, with the heavyweight definitely unable to fight on the December 15th card, we’ve been told that Matt Mitrione is stepping up.

Nelson and Mitrione were both contestants on the same series of The Ultimate Fighter: The Heavyweights, and will be reunited for the first time at the finale of the current season in Las Vegas.

This is a rare but much needed case of Mitrione acting like a company man. Two months ago, Dana White said he was “disgusted” with Mitrione’s refusal to step in and fight Daniel Cormier, who is still looking for the final opponent on his Strikeforce contract.

To make matters worse, Mitrione tried to create his own match-up by calling out Rampage Jackson in the division below him, but White gave short shrift to that idea.

It’s never a good idea to anger your boss, especially if you’re a fighter who is coming off a loss and hasn’t fought in a year like Mitrione.

Mitrione knew he was in the doghouse for his antics, and has been at pains to explain why he turned down the Cormier match.

Will stepping up to Nelson be enough to get him on the right side of White?

It isn’t clear whether Mitrione was the first choice. However, with the match just four weeks away, his actions could have saved the event and gone a long way in helping him get back into the UFC’s good books.

Read more MMA news on BleacherReport.com

Shane Carwin, Gray Maynard Both Pull Out of December Fights Due to Knee Injuries


(In a related story, Roy Nelson was recently diagnosed with advanced dickdo disease.)

Well, we saw this one coming a mile away. After suffering a “minor knee injury” back in September, Shane Carwin has now pulled out of his scheduled fight against Roy Nelson at the TUF 16 Finale on December 15th, due to a knee injury that may or may not be related to the last one. UFC president Dana White confirmed the bad news last night, and said that the promotion is looking for a new opponent for Nelson.

It’s a terrible setback for Carwin, who hasn’t competed snce June 2011 due to a series of neck and back surgeries, and was already forced to drop out of a fight with Nelson at UFC 125. Carwin hasn’t won a fight since his knockout of Frank Mir in March 2010, and at age 37, his competitive days are running out. There’s no word yet on the severity of Shane’s injury, or when he might return to action.

And by the way, this means that five of the last seven U.S. seasons of TUF — 10, 11, 13, 15, and now 16 — as well as one of the two international seasons (TUF Brazil), have ended with the coaches’ fight being canceled or delayed. Spooky. We’ll let you know when Roy Nelson picks up his replacement opponent. Our suggestion: How about Pat Barry, who’s already booked on the card against Shane Del Rosario?

And hey, speaking of UFC stars who have to pull out of fights next month due to knee injuries…


(In a related story, Roy Nelson was recently diagnosed with advanced dickdo disease.)

Well, we saw this one coming a mile away. After suffering a “minor knee injury” back in September, Shane Carwin has now pulled out of his scheduled fight against Roy Nelson at the TUF 16 Finale on December 15th, due to a knee injury that may or may not be related to the last one. UFC president Dana White confirmed the bad news last night, and said that the promotion is looking for a new opponent for Nelson.

It’s a terrible setback for Carwin, who hasn’t competed since June 2011 due to a series of neck and back surgeries, and was already forced to drop out of a fight with Nelson at UFC 125. Carwin hasn’t won a fight since his knockout of Frank Mir in March 2010, and at age 37, his competitive days are running out. There’s no word yet on the severity of Shane’s injury, or when he might return to action.

And by the way, this means that five of the last seven U.S. seasons of TUF — 10, 11, 13, 15, and now 16 — as well as one of the two international seasons (TUF Brazil), have ended with the coaches’ fight being canceled or delayed. Spooky. We’ll let you know when Roy Nelson picks up his replacement opponent. Our suggestion: How about Pat Barry, who’s already booked on the card against Shane Del Rosario?

And hey, speaking of UFC stars who have to pull out of fights next month due to knee injuries…

It was also confirmed yesterday that lightweight contender Gray Maynard recently caught a knee injury in training that will prevent him from meeting Joe Lauzon at UFC 155: Dos Santos vs. Velasquez II, December 29th in Las Vegas. According to Maynard’s manager, the Bully suffered tears in both the medial and lateral meniscus in his knee, and will undergo surgery next week. His recovery time is only expected to be three-to-five weeks before he can resume training. Maynard’s last appearance was that weird split-decision over Clay Guida in June.

Stepping in to replace Maynard against Lauzon will be Jim Miller, who will attempt to rebound from his submission loss to Nate Diaz in May. Better than nothing, I guess. The current lineup of UFC 155 looks like this…

Junior Dos Santos vs. Cain Velasquez
Forrest Griffin vs. Phil Davis
Tim Boetsch vs. Chris Weidman
Alan Belcher vs. Yushin Okami
Chris Leben vs. Karlos Vemola
Brad Pickett vs. Eddie Wineland
Phil De Fries vs. Matt Mitrione
Michael Johnson vs. Myles Jury
Leonard Garcia vs. Cody McKenzie
Byron Bloodworth vs. Erik Perez