(Having recently established himself as the alpha male, the Bigfoot eagerly races off into the jungles of Brazil to copulate with the herd’s last remaining female.)
We may be a few days removed from UFC on FX 5, but that doesn’t mean that the future has already been determined for the night’s biggest winners. Joe Silva and Sean Shelby may be the best in the biz, but even they could probably use a bit of matchmaking advice — or at least a backup plan– considering that half of the fights they book in the aftermath of this event will be cancelled due to injury, arrest, or a classic case of bitch wife. This is where the Armchair Matchmaker comes in, for what are sports without over analysis, needless speculation, and a headscratching appearance from Liam Neeson? By the end of this article, you will have witnessed at least one of these.
Here we go.
Antonio Silva: You might chalk this up to laziness, but pairing the rebounding “Bigfoot” against Stefan Struve seems like an awesome idea to us. We know Stefan called out Fabricio Werdum following his big win over Stipe Miocic at UFC on FUEL 5, but we think this matchup makes just as much sense, if not more. Both men have recently reestablished themselves at legitimate threats and Werdum 2.0 (you know, the one that can do this to people on the feet) seems like he would put on a clinic against either man. It would be a stretch to declare that either Struve or Silva are exactly title-worthy material yet, so let these two big men slug it out and give the winner a top contender. It’s a classic battle of Chin vs. Lankiness — Jay Leno vs. Conan O’Brien in an MMA ring, if you will — and would surely deliver an exciting finish inside the distance.
(Having recently established himself as the alpha male, the Bigfoot eagerly races off into the jungles of Brazil to copulate with the herd’s last remaining female.)
We may be a few days removed from UFC on FX 5, but that doesn’t mean that the future has already been determined for the night’s biggest winners. Joe Silva and Sean Shelby may be the best in the biz, but even they could probably use a bit of matchmaking advice — or at least a backup plan– considering that half of the fights they book in the aftermath of this event will be cancelled due to injury, arrest, or a classic case of bitch wife. This is where the Armchair Matchmaker comes in, for what are sports without over analysis, needless speculation, and a headscratching appearance from Liam Neeson? By the end of this article, you will have witnessed at least one of these.
Here we go.
Antonio Silva: You might chalk this up to laziness, but pairing the rebounding “Bigfoot” against Stefan Struve seems like an awesome idea to us. We know Stefan called out Fabricio Werdum following his big win over Stipe Miocic at UFC on FUEL 5, but we think this matchup makes just as much sense, if not more. Both men have recently reestablished themselves at legitimate threats and Werdum 2.0 (you know, the one that can do this to people on the feet) seems like he would put on a clinic against either man. It would be a stretch to declare that either Struve or Silva are exactly title-worthy material yet, so let these two big men slug it out and give the winner a top contender. It’s a classic battle of Chin vs. Lankiness – Jay Leno vs. Conan O’Brien in an MMA ring, if you will — and would surely deliver an exciting finish inside the distance.
Jake Ellenberger: He may have come away with a victory over a legit fighter in Jay Hieron on Friday, but Ellenberger’s performance was easily one of the most disappointing in recent memory, which is saying something considering he was just TKO’d in his last fight. Ellenberger seemed far too content to throw haymakers with the hope of a flash KO and never really went out of his way to try and obtain a finish, so there’d be no better way to light a fire under him for his next fight than to pair him with perennial trash-talking contender Josh Koscheck. Kos is coming off a close loss to Johnny Hendricks, who he ranked just above “Ingleburger” in a previous interview and would love the opportunity to prove all of us retarded, fighter-ranking assholes wrong anyway.
John Dodson: Although Dodson earned the right to fight newly-crowned flyweight champion Demetrious Johnson with his impressive second round knockout of Jussier Formiga, we’d rather see Dodson take on the drunken asshole that couldn’t keep quiet on Friday in a no holds-barred street fight to the death. If Dodson wins, we can never complain about another flyweight fight again. If he loses, we pack him and as many flyweights as humanely possible into an undersized car and let the hijinks ensue.
Justin Edwards: Edwards is four fights into his UFC career, yet we still don’t really know what to make of the guy. His 45-second victory over Neer was both impressive and unexpected, but again, it didn’t tell us much about him other than the fact that he has a nasty arm-in guillotine. Simply put, we need to see more of Edwards, and a fight that would show us a lot about the guy would be against a Dan Miller type fighter. Not only does Miller also possess one of the nastiest guillotines in the division — which he used to score his last victory — but he is a well rounded, middle-of-the-pack guy who would be the perfect litmus test for Edwards. Miller was expected to face Sean Pierson at UFC 152, but pulled out when he received word that his son Danny Jr. would be undergoing a much needed kidney transplant. Now that Danny Jr. appears to be in the clear for the time being, we imagine Dan could use some more help paying the bills, and a win over Edwards would be a solid step in the right direction.
Michael Johnson: The TUF 12 product was able to overcome some early difficulty against Danny Castillo (thanks in part to a slight mental error by “Last Call”) in the first round and scored the most vicious knockout of his career in the second. Now finding himself on a three fight win streak, Johnson could use a slight step up in competition to see if he can overcome adversity again. A clash against the ever-improving Matt Wiman would make sense. Wiman recently scored a huge upset over Paul Sass at UFC on FUEL 5, and like Johnson, could use another big victory to keep his name in circulation.
Mike Pierce: It was almost eerie how similar Pierce’s and Johnson’s performances were last Friday. Both men were rocked in the first round, only to release the Kraken (I TOLD YOU!) and deliver a spine-shattering knockout early in the second. Considering how terrible Pierce looked in his victory over Carlos Eduardo Rocha his last trip out, he has to be feeling like a boss right now and rightfully so. Pierce is now 7-3 in his UFC career, with all of his losses coming to title challengers, so why not toss him another former title challenger? After falling to a third round come from behind submission at the hands of Martin Kampmann, Thiago Alves was supposed to fight Yoshihiro Akiyama at UFC 149, but blah blah blah injury curse, so pairing him against Pierce seems like a pretty smart move to effectively destroy any hope one of these men has at a title shot (or another in Alves’ case).
Are there any matchups that you’d rather see, Potato Nation?
But it is always darkest before the dawn, Potato Nation. So sayeth Two-Face.
Because through all of the depressing doom and gloom reporting we brought you guys this week, you kept your heads up. You stood tall and proud. Hell, you even had the intestinal fortitude to mock others’ misfortune like we taught you to. So with our faith restored, we are proud to bring back the Comment of the Week today so at least one of you can be rewarded for your ruthless, blackened souls.
Listed after the jump are the comments that gave us some much needed laughs this week, along with a poll for you to vote on your favorite. The winner will receive one of our classic “We Pull No Punches” shirts, but make sure to submit your designs for our next t-shirt contest, as we plan on giving a bunch away in the near future.
And the nominees are…
(Oh Michael, I just miss the days of one UFC event a month is all.)
But it is always darkest before the dawn, Potato Nation. So sayeth Two-Face.
Because through all of the depressing doom and gloom reporting we brought you guys this week, you kept your heads up. You stood tall and proud. Hell, you even had the intestinal fortitude to mock others’ misfortune like we taught you to. So with our faith restored, we are proud to bring back the Comment of the Week today so at least one of you can be rewarded for your ruthless, blackened souls.
Listed after the jump are the comments that gave us some much needed laughs this week, along with a poll for you to vote on your favorite. The winner will receive one of our classic “We Pull No Punches” shirts, but make sure to submit your designs for our next t-shirt contest, as we plan on giving a bunch away in the near future.
“if his plan is to have a kid and name it after each one of his losses then his wife is in for one busted taco”
–Clemmie, for reminding us all what darker times CagePotato has been through and making us feel a lot better by comparison:
“Have some faith in CP, gist, they know what they’re doing. They have already been fucked worse than they have ever been fucked before. It can only get better from there.”
“This sport hasn’t been the same since $kala left.”
-And finally, none other than Seth Falvo, for reminding us all of the common bond we share as Internet commenters/writers, which is coincidentally the easiest way to get over the influx of depressing news:
“Everyone else is debating flyweights, oversaturation, Old Dad, New Dad, New Old Dad, Fuel TV…and I’m just sitting here masturbating.”
Vote on your favorite below, and we will announce the lucky SOB on Monday.
Create your free online surveys with SurveyMonkey, the world’s leading questionnaire tool.
Aside from displaying a much improved striking game in his second round TKO win over up-and-coming prospect Stipe Miocic last weekend, veteran heavyweight Stefan Struve put to rest all of the speculation regarding his chin (at least for the moment) by successfully eating the Clevelander’s best punches without looking much worse for the wear. But what most of the general public was completely unaware of heading into last weekend’s main event was the plight of Struve’s father, who had been diagnosed with cancer just a couple months ago and has been battling the disease ever since.
Obviously the news did not come easy to Struve, who was training for his fight with Miocic at the time, but the Dutchman managed to push through the onslaught of emotions and turn in a Brett Favre-esque performance on Saturday night. It wasn’t until his victorious post-fight interview that Struve brought everything to light, breaking down in heartrending fashion:
My dad [found out he had] cancer two months ago. He’s in therapy. He’s doing well, but, still. Yeah, I’ve been wanting to go home. It will be good to go home and see him again.
Having recently lost a family member to cancer, I can tell you first hand how difficult a process it is to deal with for all parties involved. I’m sure many of you readers could say the same. But like Struve said, his father is doing fine for the time being, so Struve should rest assured that he will be bringing his biggest victory inside the octagon home with him. We here at CP would like to let the Struve family know that our thoughts and prayers are with them in this difficult time. If Stefan’s performances inside the octagon are any indication, we imagine that his father will likely beat that pussy cancer inside of three rounds.
After the jump: A full video of the UFC on FUEL 5 post-fight press conference in which Dana White discusses his broner for Brad Pickett, pokes fun at the emotionless cyborg known as Gunnar Nelson, and tells everyone who thought the card sucked to stick it “right up your ass.” If only the President of this great nation could be so frank.
Aside from displaying a much improved striking game in his second round TKO win over up-and-coming prospect Stipe Miocic last weekend, veteran heavyweight Stefan Struve put to rest all of the speculation regarding his chin (at least for the moment) by successfully eating the Clevelander’s best punches without looking much worse for the wear. But what most of the general public was completely unaware of heading into last weekend’s main event was the plight of Struve’s father, who had been diagnosed with cancer just a couple months ago and has been battling the disease ever since.
Obviously the news did not come easy to Struve, who was training for his fight with Miocic at the time, but the Dutchman managed to push through the onslaught of emotions and turn in a Brett Favre-esque performance on Saturday night. It wasn’t until his victorious post-fight interview that Struve brought everything to light, breaking down in heartrending fashion:
My dad [found out he had] cancer two months ago. He’s in therapy. He’s doing well, but, still. Yeah, I’ve been wanting to go home. It will be good to go home and see him again.
Having recently lost a family member to cancer, I can tell you first hand how difficult a process it is to deal with for all parties involved. I’m sure many of you readers could say the same. But like Struve said, his father is doing fine for the time being, so Struve should rest assured that he will be bringing his biggest victory inside the octagon home with him. We here at CP would like to let the Struve family know that our thoughts and prayers are with them in this difficult time. If Stefan’s performances inside the octagon are any indication, we imagine that his father will likely beat that pussy cancer inside of three rounds.
After the jump: A full video of the UFC on FUEL 5 post-fight press conference in which Dana White discusses his broner for Brad Pickett, pokes fun at the emotionless cyborg known as Gunnar Nelson, and tells everyone who thought the card sucked to stick it “right up your ass.” If only the President of this great nation could be so frank.
(If James Irvin was a super-hero, his arch-nemesis would be Dr. Fitchtopus. / Photo courtesy of fcfighter.com)
Last week, we described Stefan Struve as “one of the least decision-prone fighters on the UFC roster,” and after he ended yet another fight this weekend before the final bell, we started to wonder — how accurate was that statement, anyway? And who else ranks near the Dutch heavyweight in terms of low decision ratio within the Octagon? So, we assembled a list of the UFC fighters (past and present) who have been least likely to meet the judges; for the purposes of this list, we only considered fighters who have made at least eight UFC appearances.
[Update: After having some knowledge dropped on us by @MMADecisions, we’ve expanded this list beyond a top-ten.]
As it turns out, Struve comes in at #5 among active UFC fighters, and shares the same decision ratio (8.33%) as Royce Gracie. But there are 11 fighters in front of him on the all-time list, led by welterweight crowd-pleaser DaMarques Johnson, cursed sluggerJames Irvin, and UFC pioneer Don Frye, who all managed to make it through 10 UFC appearances without ever going to decision. And now, the leaderboard…
DaMarques Johnson:10 UFC fights, 0 decisions, 0% decision ratio
James Irvin: 10 UFC fights, 0 decisions, 0% decision ratio Don Frye: 10 UFC fights, 0 decisions, 0% decision ratio Drew McFedries: 9 UFC fights, 0 decisions, 0% decision ratio Charles Oliveira:8 UFC fights*, 0 decisions, 0% decision ratio
Ryan Jensen: 8 UFC fights, 0 decisions, 0% decision ratio Jason Lambert: 8 UFC fights, 0 decisions, 0% decision ratio Gary Goodridge: 8 UFC fights, 0 decisions, 0% decision ratio Jason MacDonald: 14 UFC fights, 1 decision, 7.14% decision ratio
(If James Irvin was a super-hero, his arch-nemesis would be Dr. Fitchtopus. / Photo courtesy of fcfighter.com)
Last week, we described Stefan Struve as “one of the least decision-prone fighters on the UFC roster,” and after he ended yet another fight this weekend before the final bell, we started to wonder — how accurate was that statement, anyway? And who else ranks near the Dutch heavyweight in terms of low decision ratio within the Octagon? So, we assembled a list of the UFC fighters (past and present) who have been least likely to meet the judges; for the purposes of this list, we only considered fighters who have made at least eight UFC appearances.
[Update: After having some knowledge dropped on us by @MMADecisions, we’ve expanded this list beyond a top-ten.]
As it turns out, Struve comes in at #5 among active UFC fighters, and shares the same decision ratio (8.33%) as Royce Gracie. But there are 11 fighters in front of him on the all-time list, led by welterweight crowd-pleaser DaMarques Johnson, cursed sluggerJames Irvin, and UFC pioneer Don Frye, who all managed to make it through 10 UFC appearances without ever going to decision. And now, the leaderboard…
DaMarques Johnson:10 UFC fights, 0 decisions, 0% decision ratio
James Irvin: 10 UFC fights, 0 decisions, 0% decision ratio Don Frye: 10 UFC fights, 0 decisions, 0% decision ratio Drew McFedries: 9 UFC fights, 0 decisions, 0% decision ratio Charles Oliveira:8 UFC fights*, 0 decisions, 0% decision ratio
Ryan Jensen: 8 UFC fights, 0 decisions, 0% decision ratio Jason Lambert: 8 UFC fights, 0 decisions, 0% decision ratio Gary Goodridge: 8 UFC fights, 0 decisions, 0% decision ratio Jason MacDonald: 14 UFC fights, 1 decision, 7.14% decision ratio Joe Lauzon: 13 UFC fights, 1 decision, 7.69% decision ratio Gabriel Gonzaga: 13 UFC fights, 1 decision, 7.69% decision ratio Stefan Struve: 12 UFC fights, 1 decision, 8.33% decision ratio Royce Gracie: 12 UFC fights**, 1 decision***, 8.33% decision ratio Frank Mir: 20 UFC fights, 2 decisions, 10% decision ratio Cain Velasquez: 9 UFC fights, 1 decision, 11.11% decision ratio Pat Barry: 9 UFC fights, 1 decision, 11.11% decision ratio Vitor Belfort: 16 UFC fights, 2 decisions, 12.5% decision ratio
* Including his no-contest against Nik Lentz at UFC Live: Kongo vs. Barry.
** Not including his forfeit against Harold Haward at UFC 3.
*** Refers to his default “draw” against Ken Shamrock at UFC 5 that resulted from time running out; judges weren’t used in the UFC until December 1995.
Honorable mention:Frank Trigg never went the distance in seven UFC appearances, but since we’re only including fighters with eight or more fights in the promotion, he falls just short of qualifying.
Keep in mind that this list was thrown together on the fly after about an hour spent on Wikipedia, so if we’re leaving anybody out who should have made the top ten, please correct us in the comments section.
When the UFC first announced that Stefan Struve vs. Stipe Miocic would be the main event of yesterday’s UFC on FUEL 5, most of us assumed that the fight would serve as a coming out party for Stipe Miocic. Even though he hadn’t faced any big names in his UFC career, the heavy-handed prospect certainly looked like he was Cleveland’s next best hope for a champion. Putting Stipe in the cage with a fighter that (arguably) has a weak chin could produce a highlight reel knockout and put Miocic “in the mix” at the heavyweight division.
Except that didn’t happen. Miocic managed to land some heavy shots throughout the fight, but in the end Struve proved to be too much, earning the TKO in the second round. While Miocic outworked Struve throughout the first round, Stipe Miocic had no answers for the lanky heavyweight’s offense once Struve actually started using his jab. Sorry, Cleveland, but you really should have seen this one coming.
This isn’t meant to take anything away from Stefan Struve, as he looked pretty impressive with his victory. Any questions about his chin seemed to be answered yesterday, as he weathered some heavy punches on his way to earning the TKO. And forgive us if we’re harping on this, but when Struve actually uses his jab, he’s a completely different fighter. His lanky attack creates problems for everyone in the heavyweight division, warranting a post-fight comparison to Jon Jones from Chael Sonnen (except Chael added that Struve has twice the courage of Jon Jones, naturally). The twenty four year old fighter improves to 9-3 in the UFC, and is currently riding a four fight win streak.
When the UFC first announced that Stefan Struve vs. Stipe Miocic would be the main event of yesterday’s UFC on FUEL 5, most of us assumed that the fight would serve as a coming out party for Stipe Miocic. Even though he hadn’t faced any big names in his UFC career, the heavy-handed prospect certainly looked like he was Cleveland’s next best hope for a champion. Putting Stipe in the cage with a fighter that (arguably) has a weak chin could produce a highlight reel knockout and put Miocic “in the mix” at the heavyweight division.
Except that didn’t happen. Miocic managed to land some heavy shots throughout the fight, but in the end Struve proved to be too much, earning the TKO in the second round. While Miocic outworked Struve throughout the first round, Stipe Miocic had no answers for the lanky heavyweight’s offense once Struve actually started using his jab. Sorry, Cleveland, but you really should have seen this one coming.
This isn’t meant to take anything away from Stefan Struve, as he looked pretty impressive with his victory. Any questions about his chin seemed to be answered yesterday, as he weathered some heavy punches on his way to earning the TKO. And forgive us if we’re harping on this, but when Struve actually uses his jab, he’s a completely different fighter. His lanky attack creates problems for everyone in the heavyweight division, warranting a post-fight comparison to Jon Jones from Chael Sonnen (except Chael added that Struve has twice the courage of Jon Jones, naturally). The twenty four year old fighter improves to 9-3 in the UFC, and is currently riding a four fight win streak.
Rather, this is meant to point out that perhaps we shouldn’t rush to crown Struve the future of the heavyweight division. A test against the deep end of the division is certainly deserved here, but we’ve already seen Struve get knocked out by the division’s top fighters. Unless he continues to work at absorbing less damage and using his reach, I doubt we’ll see anything different out of him this time around. No matter how good your chin is, taking heavy shots from a 240+ pound athlete isn’t exactly a good idea.
But Struve’s victory wasn’t the only surprise from yesterday. How about Dan Hardy actually attempting some takedowns? Or Matt Wiman submitting Paul “Sassangle” Sass? Or Che Mills vs. Duane Ludwig ending via freak knee injury? Those quirky Brits, I tells ya.
Fight of the Night bonuses went to Stefan Struve and Stipe Miocic, Submission of the Night went to Matt Wiman, and Knockout of the Night went to Brad “One Punch” Pickett, who scored his first knockout since 2008. All bonuses were for $40,000.
Full Results:
Main Card:
Stefan Struve def. Stipe Miocic via TKO, 3:50 of Round Two
Dan Hardy def. Amir Sadollah via unanimous decision
Brad Pickett def. Yves Jabouin via KO, 3:40 of Round One
Matt Wiman def. Paul Sass via submission (armbar), 3:48 of Round One
John Hathaway def. John Maguire via unanimous decision
Che Mills def. Duane Ludwig via TKO (knee injury), 3:28 of Round One
Preliminary Card:
Jimi Manuwa def. Kyle Kingsbury via doctor’s stoppage (eye), 5:00 of Round Three
Hamid Corassani def. Andy Ogle via split decision
Brad Tavares def. Tom Watson via split decision
Gunnar Nelson def. Damarques Johnson via submission (rear naked choke), 3:34 of Round One
Robert Peralta def. Jason Young via KO, 0:23 of Round One
The UFC makes its first (and only!) U.K. stop of 2012 today, with a card that’s low on star power but high on potential fireworks. If you’re reading this right now, it means you’re at least sort-of interested, and that’s good enough for us. So which heavyweight main-eventer is about to put himself “in the mix”? Can Dan Hardy string together his first back-to-back wins since 2009? Will Matt Wiman be just another notch on Paul “Sassangle” Sass‘s sassbelt? And WTF is wrong with Kyle Kingsbury, anyway? The answers to most of those questions will be revealed shortly.
Handling liveblog business for the UFC on FUEL 5 main card broadcast is George Shunick, who will be stacking round-by-round results after the jump beginning at 4 p.m. ET / 1 p.m PT. Let us know how you feel in the comments section, and refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest. And as always, thanks for spending part of your weekend with us.
The UFC makes its first (and only!) U.K. stop of 2012 today, with a card that’s low on star power but high on potential fireworks. If you’re reading this right now, it means you’re at least sort-of interested, and that’s good enough for us. So which heavyweight main-eventer is about to put himself “in the mix”? Can Dan Hardy string together his first back-to-back wins since 2009? Will Matt Wiman be just another notch on Paul “Sassangle” Sass‘s sassbelt? And WTF is wrong with Kyle Kingsbury, anyway? The answers to most of those questions will be revealed shortly.
Handling liveblog business for the UFC on FUEL 5 main card broadcast is George Shunick, who will be stacking round-by-round results after the jump beginning at 4 p.m. ET / 1 p.m PT. Let us know how you feel in the comments section, and refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest. And as always, thanks for spending part of your weekend with us.
Welcome, fight freaks, to this stackedrelevant British card on Fuel TV. I expect most of you will be getting your updates on the internet for this event, considering half of you don’t have Fuel TV, and the other half can’t find it. Fortunately Potato Nation, that’s why we’re here. Now, on to the fights!
Prelim Results (as if you care):
Robbie Peralta def. Jason Young via Round 1 TKO
Gunnar Nelson def. DaMarques Johnson via Round 1 Submission
Brad Tavares def. Tom Watson via Split Decision
Akira Corassani def. Andy Ogle via Split Decision
Jimi Manuwa def. Kyle Kingsbury via Kingsbu’s eye being battered into oblivion (Round 2)
Now that that’s out of the way, on to our first fight.
Che Mills vs. Duane Ludwig
Round 1: The fighters touch gloves. Mills works dirty boxing the clinch, lands a knee and takes Ludwig down. Passes to side control. Ludwig sweeps, stands, eats a knee and is back underneath, pondering the futility of his actions. Mills working elbows from side control. Ludwig regains guard, Mills lands elbows. Ludwig goes for an armbar, Mills stands and misses a huge right hand. They stand, Ludwig collapses and points to his knee and it’s done. Replay shows his knee just gives out. Possibly a torn ACL.
Che Mills def. Duane Ludwig via knee implosion of Round 1 Very disappointing for Ludwig. Che Mills doesn’t look terribly thrilled either. Hopefully Ludwig will be able to recover and get back to fighting soon. He’s an entertaining guy who always brings the violence. Mills says he loves to fight for the fans and, ever receptive to transparent flattery, the mob showers him with adoration. First win for a British fighter so far.
Next up is a fight from the prelims: Robbie Peralta and Jason Young. I predict a 23 second knockout for Peralta. 23 seconds later, Robbie Peralta gets the knockout. Damn, I’m good.
Next up, British rising star John Hathaway takes on British submission specialist John Maguire. I’ll go out on a limb here and predict the Brit will take this one.
John Hathaway vs. John Maguire
Round 1: The welterweights touch gloves. They feel each other out for the first 30 seconds. Hathaway attempts a high kick, which is blocked. 1 minute in, little action. Hathaway lands a low kick. Hathaway moves forward, lands a few punches and a knee. They reset. 2 minutes in, nothing of significance has landed. Nice counter left by Maguire. Hathaway almost lands a head kick. Goes high again, and is blocked. Neither guy looks comfortable in their stand-up. Hathaway lands a take down, but his momentum sends him flying into the fence, well past Maguire. They stand. (Ugh.) Maguire lands a few nice shots. Maguire shoots, but Hathaway hits the switch and… they stand. The bell sounds. 10-10, really, but if I had to guess I’d say the judges lean Hathaway because he controlled the center of the Octagon.
Round 2: Hathaway telegraphs a right and misses wildly. Lands an inside leg kick. Hits a head kick! Hathaway leaps in a clinches with Maguire along the fence and takes him down. He’s in half guard, landing short hammerfists to Maguire temple. Maguire controlling his posture, attempts to sweep him. Hathaway stands, lowers into guard. Maguire attempts a triangle, now working out of half butterfly guard. Hathaway landing short shots, Maguire still controlling his posture. Hathaway stands, goes back into half guard. Now mixing shots to the body. Maguire regains guard, Hathaway stands again, then takes a knee and grabs half guard. Landing more punches, passes to side control. Hathaway landing shots to Maguire’s head, and Maguire is beginning to tire. Hathaway is relentless, if not terribly violent. He stands and the bell sounds. 10-9 Hathaway.
Round 3: The fighters touch gloves again. Hathaway misses a front kick. He’s pressing forward, though, and Maguire has no answer for him on the feet. Hathaway lands a knee against the cage. Maguire lands a left, but he hasn’t put together combinations and he’s having trouble getting inside on Hathaway. Hathaway isn’t landing anything of substance, though, but he’s controlling the fight. Hathaway finally lands a right hand following a blocked head kick. This is becoming a glorified sparring match. Maguire shoots and lands a takedown! Passes to side control. Can the gypsy jiu-jitsu expert get a submission with one minute left? Hathaway recovers half guard, now full guard. Hathaway throwing elbows from the bottom. They exchange, with Maguire seemingly content to sit in full guard. He stands and Hathaway lands upkicks as the bell sounds. 10-9 Hathaway, who should take the unanimous decision.
John Hathaway takes the unanimous decision (30-27′s all around). No surprises there. Hathaway looked unimpressive in victory and Maguire looked even more unimpressive in defeat. British MMA, people! At least it isn’t Ultimate Ball.
Paul Sass vs. Matt Wiman
Round 1: Two exciting lightweights about to square off. Sass’ ground game ain’t nothing to fuck with. They touch gloves, Sass grabs the single. That was quick. Working from full guard, he maneuvers them to the fence. Sass lands body shots as Wiman controls his posture. Nice elbows from Sass. Wiman answeering from the bottom. Sass goes for a leg lock, but can’t get it. Now he goes for an omoplata! Wiman escapes. Sass sweeps and gets the takedown. Sass goes for another ankle lock, abandons it. Now Sass is caught in a triangle! But he escapes. Wiman throwing elbows. Sass lands some huge shots from the top! Wiman going for an armbar. Sass throws a knee while defending. Wiman gets the armbar! That’s it, Wiman beats Sass at his own game. Easily the best fight so far.
Matt Wiman def. Paul Sass via armbar in one round. Matt Wiman is holding back tears in the post-fight interview. Not because he’s overwhelmed by emotions, but because interviewer Jon Anik smells like onions. Then he makes silly faces at cameras.
Now we’re treated to another prelim fight: Iceland’s Gunnar Nelson against DaMarques Johnson. Solid, entertaining affair that showed just why so many people are talking about Nelson as he submits Johnson with a rear naked choke in the first round. Dude fights with the calm, cold demeanor of certain other fighter from the northern wastes. He just needs a sweater with mystical violence-enhancing abilities.
Up next is possibly the most exciting fight of the night – which is saying something after Wiman vs. Sass – as Brad Pickett takes on Yves Jabouin. Really excited for this one. I think I’ll call my friends using my MetroPCS service while I reach for a NOS energy dri- oh god, these commercials are destroying my brain.
Brad Pickett vs. Yves Jabouin
Round 1: Fighters touch gloves, Pickett moves forward. Then he gets poked in the eye. He says he’s OK. Pickett swinging wildly while Jabouin going for kicks. Pickett lands a jab. Jabouin lands a high kick, followed by knees and kicks. Pickett lands a left hook. Jabouin land a kick. They exchange with both landing. Big knee from Jabouin, but Pickett lands counter hooks. Pickett lands an uppercut, followed by a hook. Jabouin lands a right straight. Pickett goes flying in with a hook. Right to the body by Pickett, Jabouin lands a spinning back kick, stuffs a takedown. OH MY GOD! Pickett lands a HUGE uppercut and Jabouin is OUT! Wow. Pickett plays to the crowd, possibly attempting to incite a riot. Replay shows Pickett followed up with two violent shots. No doubt there – Jabouin is out cold. KO of the Night, no doubt.
Brad Pickett def. Yves Jabouin via first round KO. Very thankful Pickett ended that fight in the first round – live-blogging bantamweights is not easy. Replays show Pickett did the Gangnam dance after the fight. Someone get a .gif of that ASAP. Well, that was satisfying. Pickett puts on his trilby hat, gives his interview in barely comprehensible Brit-speak, and leaves the cage. Like a boss.
Dan Hardy vs. Amir Sadollah
Woah, we get walkouts for this one! Amir walks out to unidentifiable dance music. The original MMA hipster enters the cage, and the lights go out right before Dan Hardy’s music hits. Hardy comes out with the trademark bandana and “England Belongs to Me” by the Sex Pistols Cock Sparrer. (Dur.) The crowd eats it up and sings along.
Dan Hardy vs. Amir Sadollah
Round 1: The crowd chants “Hardy!” as Bruce Buffer announces the fighters, before booing Amir. (I’m not typing “Sadollah” over and over.) The Hardy chants come back for the staredown. Fight starts, they don’t touch gloves. Amir takes the center of the Octagon. Amir lands a kick and eats a counter. Hardy blocks some shots. Amir lands a low kick. Then another. Inside leg kick Hardy. Amir goes for a head kick and misses. They exchange, neither connecting with anything hard. Hardy lands a left hook. Then another. Low kick Amir. Inside leg kick Amir. Big right from Hardy. Another inside leg kick from Amir. Hardy is looking for the left hook and lands it. Misses with a right, but lands a jab. Amir returns the favor as the crowd chants “Hardy”. Sadollah gets a body lock and pushes Hardy into the fence. They exchange knees, and Hardy reverses position. Hardy lands an elbow and they exchange knees some more. They separate. Big shots from Hardy! Hardy grabs a Muay Thai clinch, lands some knees and they’re back on the fence. Another big elbow from Hardy. Amir counters with dirty boxing. The round ends as Hardy attempts a hip toss. 10-9 for the Brit.
Round 2: Hardy checks a kick, lands a knee as Amir comes in. High kick blocked by Amir. Hardy lands a low kick. Nice counter left by Amir. Hardy snapping that left hook. Cross by Hardy. Right to the body by Hardy followed by an inside leg kick. Big right hand by Hardy. He’s in total control this round. Hardy lands a double leg! (What? Is this the real Dan Hardy we’re watching?) Sadollah stands, Hardy presses him against the fence. Amir trying to get a body lock, but he can’t get off the fence. Wait, yes he can. He reverses position. But then Hardy returns the favor. Nice left by Sadollah. They separate. Low kicks from Sadollah. Another double leg from Hardy! Throws an elbow to the body, Sadollah working from half butterfly guard. Now full guard. Ground and pound from Hardy. Sadollah angling for an armlock. Hardy landing hammerfists, almost in side control. The bell sounds, another round for Hardy.
Round 3: Counter left from Hardy. Hardy backing Amir up, but not laning too much. They exchange kicks. Hardy goes for a takedown, but Amir defends along the fence. They’re in the clinch again. Hardy lands a knee. Amir goes for a trip, doesn’t land it, but he switches position on the fence. They break. Hardy lands a left hook, dives in for a superman punch and Amir ducks and goes for a takedown. Hardy defends and they’re on the fence. Hardy looks like the fresher fighter. Amir goes for a head kick and slips. Hardy charges forward, grabs a body lock and nails the takedown. Hardy lands shots while Amir attempts triangles and armbars. Hardy lands some short elbows as he defends. Amir has trouble maneuvering with the fence in his way. More elbows from Hardy. Big ones now. Amir is cut. Hardy continues to punish him. Amir rolls out, shoots for a single. Hardy answers with a knee. Hardy lands a big combo punctuated by a left hook. Dominant round for Hardy, who should take all the rounds on the scorecards.
Hardy takes the decision 29-28 on two cards and 30-27 on the third. Hardy screams “OYYY-OYYYY!” or something in the microphone. The mob responds in kind. Hardy showed a new wrinkle in his game today, and it paid off for him. For Sadollah, it was a rough night, but still a solid fight. Hardy dances with his cornermen and leaves the ring. Those cheeky Brits. Next up: THE MAAAAAIIIIIINNN EVENT. OF THE EVENING!
Stefan Struve vs. Stipe Miocic
Stipe Miocic enters to Linkin Park, despite not being a prepubescent suburban white kid from 2002. -100 for you, sir. Stefan Struve enters to… Godsmack. The state of MMA entrance music is not looking too good right now.
Round 1: The fighters high five. Miocic takes the center of the Octagon. Immediately, it appears Miocic will have trouble closing the distance. He throws a left hook, right cross. Both blocked by Struve. Doubles up on the jab, but Struve backs away. Lands a body shot. And another. Inside leg kick by Miocic. He goes to the body again. And again. That looks like his gameplan. Struve moves forward, lands a left hook. Jab by Miocic. Miocic is beginning to get inside. Inside leg kick Miocic. Then an overhand right. Struve throws a head kick, thena flying knee. Miocic works the body some more. Knee by Struve. More shots to the body by Miocic, followed by a right. Struve hits a knee, Miocic takes him down but jumps out of a leglock attempt. They stand. Head kick Struve, but Miocic counters. Struve misses a knee. Another shot to the body. Miocic catches a kick, but misses the counter. More body work. Jab by Struve, then a knee. Big leg kick from Struve. Big jab from Miocic. The bell sounds, 10-9 Miocic.
Round 2: Inside leg kick Miocic. Big kick to the body by Struve. Miocic doubles his jab, but gets kicked in the balls on the way in. After a brief break, the action resumes. Left hook, cross form Miocic. He follows up with uppercuts. Inside leg kicks from both men, and Miocic escapes a clinch attempt. Struve is looking to take this fight down. jabs from Struve. Body shot from Miocic. Left hook from Struve, who is loosening up. Body shots from Miocic. Struve now rushes forward. Miocic is hurt. Struve throwing uppercuts. They break. Miocic still isn’t 100%. Struve landing uppercuts again. Miocic is retreating. But lands a BIG left hook. BIG right hand from Miocic. Both guys have been hurt. Miocic is wobbly, but landing heavy shots. Right from Miocic. Big combo from Struve! Body shot from miocic. Miocic slipped, Struve takes advantage and unloads on Miocic. Miocic stays on his feet, but he’s out of it. Herb Dean steps in and that’s all she wrote. Legit stoppage. Struve wins via TKO.
Stefan Struve def. Stipe Miocic by TKO in the second round. Struve looks much improved on the feet, at least when he actually decides to set his offense up with a jab. When he started doing that in the second round, he became a completely different fighter. Still, for a guys who’s so tall and has such a long reach, he really needs to find a way to be less hittable if he wants to contend for the title any time soon. As for Miocic, this is definitely a setback. He landed some serious shorts, but he couldn’t really get past Struve’s jab. That was the beginning of the end.
Speaking of the end, that’s it for the fights! You may now return to your normally scheduled Saturday programming of imbibing massive quantities of alcohol with your fellow amoral miscreants. Goodnight Potato Nation!
