Comment of the Week 10/1: In Which We Cried Like a Couple of School Girls


(Oh Michael, I just miss the days of one UFC event a month is all.) 

As BG previously lamented, it’s been kind of a depressing week in MMA news (or in his case, year). Stefan Struve tearfully discussed his father’s recent cancer diagnosis, there was a slew of firings, a once great show continued it’s downward spiral into irrelevance, and the injury curse of 2012 made sure to pop in and remind us that it was still around.

But it is always darkest before the dawn, Potato Nation. So sayeth Two-Face.

Because through all of the depressing doom and gloom reporting we brought you guys this week, you kept your heads up. You stood tall and proud. Hell, you even had the intestinal fortitude to mock others’ misfortune like we taught you to. So with our faith restored, we are proud to bring back the Comment of the Week today so at least one of you can be rewarded for your ruthless, blackened souls.

Listed after the jump are the comments that gave us some much needed laughs this week, along with a poll for you to vote on your favorite. The winner will receive one of our classic “We Pull No Punches” shirts, but make sure to submit your designs for our next t-shirt contest, as we plan on giving a bunch away in the near future.

And the nominees are…


(Oh Michael, I just miss the days of one UFC event a month is all.) 

As BG previously lamented, it’s been kind of a depressing week in MMA news (or in his case, year). Stefan Struve tearfully discussed his father’s recent cancer diagnosis, there was a slew of firings, a once great show continued it’s downward spiral into irrelevance, and the injury curse of 2012 made sure to pop in and remind us that it was still around.

But it is always darkest before the dawn, Potato Nation. So sayeth Two-Face.

Because through all of the depressing doom and gloom reporting we brought you guys this week, you kept your heads up. You stood tall and proud. Hell, you even had the intestinal fortitude to mock others’ misfortune like we taught you to. So with our faith restored, we are proud to bring back the Comment of the Week today so at least one of you can be rewarded for your ruthless, blackened souls.

Listed after the jump are the comments that gave us some much needed laughs this week, along with a poll for you to vote on your favorite. The winner will receive one of our classic “We Pull No Punches” shirts, but make sure to submit your designs for our next t-shirt contest, as we plan on giving a bunch away in the near future.

And the nominees are…

Mood, for offering a bit of career advice to Forrest Griffin regarding Xanax:

“Maybe if he took more he’d start to stay inside the cage after fights.”

Fried Taco, for appropriately kicking Steven Seagal while he was down:

“Seagal also claims royalties whenever that kick is used – although the IRS steps in and takes the money before Stevie sees a dime.”

Mongrel, for taking Karo Parisyan’s small victory and just eviscerating it:

“I was doubting the legitimacy of this MMA promotion, but was reassured when the guy with one shoe walked on.”

Buster Hyman, for basically doing the same thing to Stephan Bonnar:

“if his plan is to have a kid and name it after each one of his losses then his wife is in for one busted taco”

Clemmie, for reminding us all what darker times CagePotato has been through and making us feel a lot better by comparison:

“Have some faith in CP, gist, they know what they’re doing. They have already been fucked worse than they have ever been fucked before. It can only get better from there.”

RwilsonR, for explaining the true reason why MMA has lost its luster:

“This sport hasn’t been the same since $kala left.”

-And finally, none other than Seth Falvo, for reminding us all of the common bond we share as Internet commenters/writers, which is coincidentally the easiest way to get over the influx of depressing news:

“Everyone else is debating flyweights, oversaturation, Old Dad, New Dad, New Old Dad, Fuel TV…and I’m just sitting here masturbating.”

Vote on your favorite below, and we will announce the lucky SOB on Monday.

Create your free online surveys with SurveyMonkey, the world’s leading questionnaire tool.

J. Jones

Win a CagePotato Signature Shirt in the Return of the Caption Contest!

We’ll be the first to admit that sometimes, we’re so busy trying to report on the day-to-day happenings of the MMA world that we occasionally (re:often) lose sight of some of the benefits of being an MMA site that dabbles in everything from lowbrow to subpar comedy. Mainly, our ability to give out free shit to the funniest Taters trolling the comments sections (or the forums if they are really, really lonely).

That’s why we are proud to announce that, in honor of our mobile site finally being up and running, we will be bringing back the caption contests and comments of the week on a regular basis here at CagePotato, in the hopes that you guys will stop treating us like the goth kid with psoriasis at the MMA lunch table. Believe it or not, as sour as your opinions often are, we still enjoy hearing them, especially when they come in the form of a relentlessly dark or unnecessarily crass assessment of a candid photo.

Our newest caption contest awaits you after the jump, and we will be giving our signature “We Pull No Punches” shirts (pictures below) to the top three entries. So feel free to swing for the fences on this one as many times as your heart desires.

And today’s photo is…

We’ll be the first to admit that sometimes, we’re so busy trying to report on the day-to-day happenings of the MMA world that we occasionally (re:often) lose sight of some of the benefits of being an MMA site that dabbles in everything from lowbrow to subpar comedy. Mainly, our ability to give out free shit to the funniest Taters trolling the comments sections (or the forums if they are really, really lonely).

That’s why we are proud to announce that, in honor of our mobile site finally being up and running, we will be bringing back the caption contests and comments of the week on a regular basis here at CagePotato, in the hopes that you guys will stop treating us like the goth kid with psoriasis at the MMA lunch table. Believe it or not, as sour as your opinions often are, we still enjoy hearing them, especially when they come in the form of a relentlessly dark or unnecessarily crass assessment of a candid photo.

Our newest caption contest awaits you after the jump, and we will be giving our signature “We Pull No Punches” shirts (pictures below) to the top three entries. So feel free to swing for the fences on this one as many times as your heart desires.

And today’s photo is…

Clearly we can deliver, so now it’s time for you to do the same. Make us proud, Potato Nation! There’s a first time for everything!

The prize in all of its eternal fucking glory a.k.a The Triumphant Tee of Total Triumph:

J. Jones

CagePotato Comments of the Week: The Magic Ship Back to Earth


(Now picture the fist rapidly moving up and down.)

Remember when we brought back Comments of the Week weeks ago and I joked about how I would immediately forget about it by the following week — and then I did forget about it? That was insane, and totally unexpected. But thanks to a GIF of a guy jerking off while unconscious (i.e., “pulling a Carradine”), we’re back on track.

Today’s comment winners will receive the new version of CagePotato Devil’s Horns shirt, with the fist on the back, as pictured above. If your name is called, just e-mail [email protected] with your name, size, and mailing address. Alright? Now let’s see who commented hardest this week…

Kaboom82 on “GIF of the Year Candidate: Kaleo Gambill Enjoys an Involuntary Post-Fight Beat-Off“:
Yo Dawg, we heard you like beatings. So we put a beating in your beating so you could watch a guy knock one out when he gets knocked out.


(Now picture the fist rapidly moving up and down.)

Remember when we brought back Comments of the Week weeks ago and I joked about how I would immediately forget about it by the following week — and then I did forget about it? That was insane, and totally unexpected. But thanks to a GIF of a guy jerking off while unconscious (i.e., “pulling a Carradine”), we’re back on track.

Today’s comment winners will receive the new version of CagePotato Devil’s Horns shirt, with the fist on the back, as pictured above. If your name is called, just e-mail [email protected] with your name, size, and mailing address. Alright? Now let’s see who commented hardest this week…

Kaboom82 on “GIF of the Year Candidate: Kaleo Gambill Enjoys an Involuntary Post-Fight Beat-Off“:
Yo Dawg, we heard you like beatings. So we put a beating in your beating so you could watch a guy knock one out when he gets knocked out.

Mofo on “GIF of the Year Candidate: Kaleo Gambill Enjoys an Involuntary Post-Fight Beat-Off“:
He was intelligently pleasuring himself.

Kid Clam Curtains on “On This Day in MMA History: Affliction Held Its Second and Final MMA Event…Ever“:
Members only > Zubaz > Frankie Says Relax > Hypercolor > Gotcha > Stussy > Tapout > No Fear > Bad Boy > a vaginal yeast infection > Von Dutch > Ed Hardy > Affliction

In the insane rant category…

Bootystar on “UFC.com Hacked By Cyber Nazis“:
nice work by anonymous, you might as well be rooting for Pat Barry vs Morecraft, it’s not like the ufc doesn’t own both their likenesses & jobs like a butcher selling both pork & beef. people might cheer for the predator over the alien, but at the end of the day the predators sees you as no more than prey, not a partner. so don’t imagine he’ll send you on the magic ship back to earth…how is this not two hands of a d-bag playing a ponzi scheme while on lookers think that the left hand is the magic hand. No one seems to realize the d-bag has a gun on both hips. Yet everyone swears up & down the the left hand is the good hand cuz it has a pink ribbon on it. MMA fans like everyone else have no idea that a truly successful fighter uses both hands not just the right. look up “goldman 1984?…think of it this way, herding sheep isn’t just a one man job. you got a dog in the mix too. or when you rustle cattle you got how many other guys all around the 99 bulls rounding them all up. just one guy can’t do it. why do you think there is more than one political party. the bulls are getting rounded up for el matador…it’s not as if “the animal farm” by george orwell was really about animals.
[Ed. note: Wait…it wasn’t? Great, now I have to re-do my entire diorama.]

CagePotato Comments of the Week: No, Seriously


(Watch out for that metal thing? / Props: Maury Povich via ScreenJunkies)

God damn you, ReX13. His running gag this week inspired us to revive an old, dead CagePotato feature, in which we take a moment to recognize some of your efforts in the comments section. Will we forget about this by next Friday? Maybe. Maybe not. All we have is this moment. And now, the eight greatest comments of the week…

ReX13 on “Report: Miesha Tate to Defend Strikeforce Title Against Ronda Rousey on March 3rd” [selected highlights]:
– “If you weren’t pretty, it wouldn’t matter what you said or didn’t say. That’s why you’re getting this attention.” – Miesha Tate
– “Man, Stalin was a real asshole, killing his own people like that.” – Pol Pot
– “Wow, that Bachmann chick is stuck on turbo-crazy. The only reason people are giving her the time of day is because she’s a relatively attractive woman in the Republican party. Does she hear the words that are coming out of her mouth?” – Sarah Palin
– “Goddammit, I’ve spent fifteen years in this neighborhood trying to increase property vaules, and a whole fucking passel of kettles just moved in next door. With their hippity hop music and Tyler Perry movies…..we better get a dog, honey.” – Pot
– “Bobby Flay is kinda a douche, you guys.” – Guy Fieri
– “The Duggars should stop having children. Can they even handle the children they already have?” – Nadya “Octomom” Suleman
– “That Octomom is such an attention whore.” – Kate Gosselin
– “Fuck you, bitch.” – Nadya Suleman

ElDandy on “Video of the Day: Fabricio Werdum Is as Inappropriate as We Are and Fedor Isn’t Impressed
Fedor’s high priest looks like every dude I’ve ever seen at a Widespread concert.

Fried Taco on “Aw Geez, Now BJ Penn is Calling Nick Diaz a Cheater“:
At least BJ is right about one thing. No one will ever accuse him of being the bigger man.


(Watch out for that metal thing? / Props: Maury Povich via ScreenJunkies)

God damn you, ReX13. His running gag this week inspired us to revive an old, dead CagePotato feature, in which we take a moment to recognize some of your efforts in the comments section. Will we forget about this by next Friday? Maybe. Maybe not. All we have is this moment. And now, the eight greatest comments of the week…

ReX13 on “Report: Miesha Tate to Defend Strikeforce Title Against Ronda Rousey on March 3rd” [selected highlights]:
– “If you weren’t pretty, it wouldn’t matter what you said or didn’t say. That’s why you’re getting this attention.” – Miesha Tate
– “Man, Stalin was a real asshole, killing his own people like that.” – Pol Pot
– “Wow, that Bachmann chick is stuck on turbo-crazy. The only reason people are giving her the time of day is because she’s a relatively attractive woman in the Republican party. Does she hear the words that are coming out of her mouth?” – Sarah Palin
– “Goddammit, I’ve spent fifteen years in this neighborhood trying to increase property vaules, and a whole fucking passel of kettles just moved in next door. With their hippity hop music and Tyler Perry movies…..we better get a dog, honey.” – Pot
– “Bobby Flay is kinda a douche, you guys.” – Guy Fieri
– “The Duggars should stop having children. Can they even handle the children they already have?” – Nadya “Octomom” Suleman
– “That Octomom is such an attention whore.” – Kate Gosselin
– “Fuck you, bitch.” – Nadya Suleman

ElDandy on “Video of the Day: Fabricio Werdum Is as Inappropriate as We Are and Fedor Isn’t Impressed
Fedor’s high priest looks like every dude I’ve ever seen at a Widespread concert.

Fried Taco on “Aw Geez, Now BJ Penn is Calling Nick Diaz a Cheater“:
At least BJ is right about one thing. No one will ever accuse him of being the bigger man.

Omelette Platter on “CagePotato Open Discussion: Five Fights We Need to See in 2012“:
Too late on the whole face-of-women’s-mma thing, Cyborg has that locked up. It’s just a scary, troubling, road-worn man-face.

RwilsonR on “Houston Alexander Catches Son Talking Dirty, Challenges Him to Boxing Match, Gets Arrested“:
You guys think you’re hack journalists, what about these guys who reported on the story?
KMTV News Omaha: “Police ticketed popular MMA fighter Houston Alexander…”
Obviously no fact-checking done there. Popular?

Old_Bald_and_Irish on “Video of the Day: Ronda Rousey Trains Like A Boss“:
Yeah…I’d drop my balls on her too.
[Ed. note: Welcome back, old friend! This site has sucked since you left and XENOPHON took over!]

Harry McEvansoneya on “Gina Carano’s new boyfriend looks like a total nerd…“:
That’s how he blew out his knee — trying to carry her to bed.

Honorable mention:
A Fistful of Doll Hairs on “Tito Ortiz Guests on Friday Night’s Episode of CSI: NY With an Obviously Cracked Skull“:
He would be a fool not to learn the acting trade from his wife. Timing, dialoge, hitting your mark, getting in front of the money shot…etc. She is a filth of knowledge.
[Ed. note: Obviously he means “fountain,” not “filth.” I don’t know know if that was an auto-correct fail, a Freudian slip, or intentional joke-writing, but either way it made me LOL.]

CagePotato Comments of the Week

(This guy knows what I’m talking about.)
The first week of 2011 is coming to an end, and it seems like a good time to give away a few t-shirts. Fun fact: This is the third "Comments of the Week" post that we’ve published in the la…

Courage Wolf WIn or Die
(This guy knows what I’m talking about.)

The first week of 2011 is coming to an end, and it seems like a good time to give away a few t-shirts. Fun fact: This is the third "Comments of the Week" post that we’ve published in the last three months. It almost seems like we should change the name to something…I don’t know…more fitting somehow. If you have any suggestions, we’d love to hear ’em, because we’re absolutely stumped.

Anyway, three commenters stood out from the pack this week, setting a standard for the new year that ALL of you should be living up to. If your name is called, please send your real name, address, and shirt-size to [email protected] and we’ll hook you up…

read more

CagePotato Comments of the Week: The Bastard’s Father

(Yeah, kind of!)
Everybody likes to be recognized for their work — even if it’s the "work" they do on MMA-blog comment sections when they should be actually, you know, working. And so, our first order of business: The winners of Wedne…

Chris Leben
(Yeah, kind of!)

Everybody likes to be recognized for their work — even if it’s the "work" they do on MMA-blog comment sections when they should be actually, you know, working. And so, our first order of business: The winners of Wednesday’s impromptu Rampage-on-Dr.-Phil caption contest.

hotsaucemonster [winner]: and i guess at that moment i realized that perhaps it was me that had the nasty ass stank breff the whole time

Dana_Plight [first runner-up]: "Every guy I went to high school with, except for one, is dead. Someone poisoned the grape soda at the high school reunion. The one survivor was diabetic, he couldn’t drink grape soda…and that’s why you shouldn’t join a gang."

Maine Blazer [second runner-up]: James Toney sees two rednecks.

hotsauce, please shoot me your address and I’ll send you something nice. Dana and Maine, you guys are eligible for some CP shirts (see the end of this post). We’d also like to take some time to pay tribute to some of the week’s other comment-section power-players…

read more