(It took Roy 45 minutes and three chipped teeth to realize that his TUF trophy was not made of rock candy.)
This town ain’t big enough for the two of them. Literally. The town we’re referring to, of course, would be the UFC’s heavyweight division.
Let’s face it, we are currently in the era of TRT-jacked-up super Goliaths, and aside from making us common folk feel more self-conscious about our own physiques, these monsters are putting forth the idea that you have to be sculpted by the Gods themselves in order to be a successful athlete. How dare they. But there is hope, because one man has been vigorously doing the work that the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance could never even dream of doing in between trips to the buffet line. Mainly, proving that obese individuals are capable of doing more than legally stealing electrically powered wheelchairs from crippled people at the supermarket. That man is Roy “Big Country” Nelson.
Obviously fearing that fellow portly contender Mike Russow is beginning to encroach on his Burger King and Taco Bell sponsorships, as well as the “Lifetime Achievement” distinction he was set to receive at next year’s Cici’s Pizza Awards, Nelson has thrown down a good old fashioned “loser leaves town” challenge to Russow over his Twitter. The winner gets to continue eating pull pork sandwiches until they look like the gluttony victim in Seven, and the loser must drop to the land of rice cakes and milk without chocolate syrup that is the light heavyweight division.
(It took Roy 45 minutes and three chipped teeth to realize that his TUF trophy was not made of rock candy.)
This town ain’t big enough for the two of them. Literally. The town we’re referring to, of course, would be the UFC’s heavyweight division.
Let’s face it, we are currently in the era of TRT-jacked-up super Goliaths, and aside from making us common folk feel more self-conscious about our own physiques, these monsters are putting forth the idea that you have to be sculpted by the Gods themselves in order to be a successful athlete. How dare they. But there is hope, because one man has been vigorously doing the work that the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance could never even dream of doing in between trips to the buffet line. Mainly, proving that obese individuals are capable of doing more than legally stealing electrically powered wheelchairs from crippled people at the supermarket. That man is Roy “Big Country” Nelson.
Obviously fearing that fellow portly contender Mike Russow is beginning to encroach on his Burger King and Taco Bell sponsorships, as well as the “Lifetime Achievement” distinction he was set to receive at next year’s Cici’s Pizza Awards, Nelson has thrown down a good old fashioned “loser leaves town” challenge to Russow over his Twitter. The winner gets to continue eating pull pork sandwiches until they look like the gluttony victim in Seven, and the loser must drop to the land of rice cakes and milk without chocolate syrup that is the light heavyweight division.
Here’s what he wrote:
I want Mike Russow and loser goes to 205 or becomes Dana White Rich. Let make it happen @danawhite
While it may be in bad taste to call someone out immediately after they have suffered their first UFC loss (by knockout, nonetheless), there’s no denying that this is an intriguing matchup, made even more intriguing by the possible ramifications of either man losing. Being that Russow only fights part time, we’re not sure if he’d actually be able to make the cut to 205, but Nelson, on the other hand, has shown a willingness to at least consider dropping to light heavyweight if the circumstances are ridiculous enough just right.
On an unrelated sidenote, what the hell does Dana White rich mean, and how would either man become so by losing their next fight? Also, Rhode Island, neither a road nor an island. Discuss.
On the heels of a first round knockout of Dave Herman at UFC 146, the TUF 10 winner’s UFC record currently stands at a mediocre 4-3, so a win over Russow would be enough to delay his own trip to 205 for at least a couple more months. One thing standing in the way of this possible matchup, however, would be the UFC’s usual policy of placing winners against winners and losers against losers. Then again, crazier fights have been booked, so it wouldn’t be completely out of left field for them to book Nelson vs. Russow in a battle for potbellied supremacy, right?
(As Dennis Reynolds once said, “I’m not gonna take no for an answer, because I just refuse to do that. Because I’m a winner, and winners… we don’t listen to words like ‘no,’ or ‘don’t,’ or ‘STOP!”)
Well at least he gave you fair warning, Amish communities of Florida.
As he was told in his April hearing, the earliest Alistair could reapply for his license would be December 27th, meaning that the earliest he could compete would be in the UFC’s always loaded New Year’s Eve card, exactly one year after he demolished Brock Lesnar at UFC 141.
(As Dennis Reynolds once said, “I’m not gonna take no for an answer, because I just refuse to do that. Because I’m a winner, and winners… we don’t listen to words like ‘no,’ or ‘don’t,’ or ‘STOP!”)
Well at least he gave you fair warning, Amish communities of Florida.
As he was told in his April hearing, the earliest Alistair could reapply for his license would be December 27th, meaning that the earliest he could compete would be in the UFC’s always loaded New Year’s Eve card, exactly one year after he demolished Brock Lesnar at UFC 141. Fun fact: Overeem is 3-0 in MMA on New year’s Eve cards, with all of those wins coming by TKO.
But if Ubereem really is somehow already scheduled for that card based on the assumption that he will undoubtedly receive a license just a few days before a fight, this could spell potential disaster for the UFC. Like, UFC 149 levels of disaster. And given the run of luck the promotion has had as of late, we’d think they’d be a little hesitant to take a risk as big as this, so perhaps Overeem’s tweet was more of a general reminder than anything else.
Given that the Nevada State Athletic Commission was basically giving Overeem a handy under the table before they doled out his suspension, constantly reminding him (likely out of fear) how much they respected him as both an athlete and a human being, to believe that Overeem would be denied his license, barring any major screw-ups on his part, of course, would seem a little off kilter. Then again, booking a likely headlining event with a guy who doesn’t even have a license to fight at time doesn’t exactly strike us as a genius move either.
That’s speculation. It’s in the NSAC’s hands. (The UFC) can’t be presumptuous.
So is Overeem just yanking our collective chains, or has he really been booked for what will undoubtedly be the biggest card of the year? Do any of you expect to see him competing by the end of 2012? And if so, who would you like to see him face?
And while we’re talking about UFC 149 (because we kind of were for a second there), check out this hilarious fan-made poster for the event, which is easily the most telling poster in UFC history:
Dana White has once again voiced his anger toward Steve Mazzagatti, following The Ultimate Fighter 15 finale. Mazzagatti has been criticised a number of times by White and fighters alike for his decisions whilst officiating. For example, in the first m…
Dana White has once again voiced his anger toward Steve Mazzagatti, following The Ultimate Fighter 15 finale. Mazzagatti has been criticised a number of times by White and fighters alike for his decisions whilst officiating. For example, in the first match between Brock Lesnar and Frank Mir, Mazzagatti waited longer than needed to stop the […]
(“Okay, maybe she didn’t actually hit me, but she was clearly trying to hurt my feelings.”)
Sorry for being late to the party on this one, but as you might have heard by now, UFC ring girl Arianny Celeste — real name Annie Schwartz-Wasserstein* — was arrested early Saturday morning and charged with “battery (domestic violence).” She was taken into custody by the Clarke County Police Department at 7:30 a.m., and later released on $3,000 bond before showing up halfway through the UFC 146 main card.
Your first assumption will probably be, “Whoa, she beat up Tiki?” But until more details surface, we can only speculate. (I mean, theoretically, she could have also choked a live-in personal assistant, right?) MMAJunkie passes along Arianny’s last few tweets before her arrest, which suggest she was on a collision course with disaster/hilarity:
Near midnight, she posted a photo of her herself in evening attire sitting at a table, with a caption that read: “Dinner at Mizumi,” referring to a new restaurant at the Wynn Las Vegas. A few hours later, she tweeted another photo of herself with a male companion who was kissing the side of her face, with a caption: “??! forever n always??” An additional tweet came around 3:30 a.m. with her making a crazy look and the caption: “I be going crayyyy ha hey bay bayyy.”
We’ll update you as soon as we know more. For the record, Dana White stated on Saturday night that the UFC has Celeste’s back and supports her 100%.
(“Okay, maybe she didn’t actually hit me, but she was clearly trying to hurt my feelings.”)
Sorry for being late to the party on this one, but as you might have heard by now, UFC ring girl Arianny Celeste — real name Annie Schwartz-Wasserstein* — was arrested early Saturday morning and charged with “battery (domestic violence).” She was taken into custody by the Clarke County Police Department at 7:30 a.m., and later released on $3,000 bond before showing up halfway through the UFC 146 main card.
Your first assumption will probably be, “Whoa, she beat up Tiki?” But until more details surface, we can only speculate. (I mean, theoretically, she could have also choked a live-in personal assistant, right?) MMAJunkie passes along Arianny’s last few tweets before her arrest, which suggest she was on a collision course with disaster/hilarity:
Near midnight, she posted a photo of her herself in evening attire sitting at a table, with a caption that read: “Dinner at Mizumi,” referring to a new restaurant at the Wynn Las Vegas. A few hours later, she tweeted another photo of herself with a male companion who was kissing the side of her face, with a caption: “??! forever n always??” An additional tweet came around 3:30 a.m. with her making a crazy look and the caption: “I be going crayyyy ha hey bay bayyy.”
We’ll update you as soon as we know more. For the record, Dana White stated on Saturday night that the UFC has Celeste’s back and supports her 100%.
(Val Kilmer isn’t the most experienced strength-and-conditioning coach that BJ’s trained with, but he works cheap, and he’s available pretty much all the time.)
#UFC just offered me to fight BJ Penn…I said YES!!!!! Just waiting on him!!!!!! Let’s scrap bra?
UFC president Dana White revealed earlier this month that Penn turned down a fight against Strikeforce champion Gilbert Melendez. A return fight against Koscheck — who’s coming off a split-decision loss to Johny Hendricks at UFC on FOX 3 — might be more attractive to Penn, in that it wouldn’t require the Prodigy to cut to 155 or make a “downgrading” appearance in Strikeforce.
(Val Kilmer isn’t the most experienced strength-and-conditioning coach that BJ’s trained with, but he works cheap, and he’s available pretty much all the time.)
Penn has yet to make a public a statement about the bout-offer; we’ll update you when we know more. In the meantime — are you psyched about the possibility of Kos vs. Penn? And how do you see the fight playing out?
@joshkoscheck I know it costs a lot of money to live that lavish lifestyle, big house, fast cars & you need big fights but sorry I’m not coming back anytime soon!
Here at CP, I see “us” as a bunch of cynical, condescending, annoyed class-clowns that have a genuine love for the sport of MMA. We love great fights and enigmatic fighters, it’s really that simple. Whether it is a fighter’s personality or in-ring performance, we try our best not to be “nut-huggers,” but sometimes these things happen in MMA (Damn you Georges!). Because I wanted to curb any bias towards fighters that I might have, I tried my best to not be like a 14 year-old girl, so I avoided Twitter like an invitation to a Mike Whitehead BBQ – but I have given in. Not to the invite, but to my status as a new member of Twitter, and I must admit, there are some pretty damn compelling, comical, and surprisingly elegant MMA fighters that can wax poetic in 140 characters or less.
“Opinions are like assholes. Everybody has one and they think everyone else’s stinks.” I believe that phrase was coined by Sigmund Freud or the Dalai Lama…or George Carlin. Whoever came up with the analogy was clearly a genius with a tremendous affinity for “Dirty” Harry Callahan. So take a big whiff because these are the MMA fighters that I think you should be following on Twitter with a few examples from their recent timelines.
We were all introduced to KenFlo on TUF 1. Although he was somewhat overshadowed by more flamboyant participants and in-house scuffles, he’s elevated himself within the UFC as one of its most versatile members. Whether as a fighter or broadcaster, he displays his wit and charisma like a true pro, but on Twitter he mixes in self-deprecation with an almost narcissistic vibe.
“When I’m being threatened, I will start doing splits to let ppl know what’s up. I always get mistaken for a talented dancer or gymnast.”
“Is a bow tie & no shirt too formal for a charity event I’m going to next week?”
“Guys, stop putting high expectations on fighters. @rory_macdonald didn’t steal my hairdo, he borrowed it. #Respect”
“If you’ve never taken a man’s shoe & beaten him with it then you’ve never been in a street fight. #KenFloFacts”
(It turns out Miguel was actually making grape jokes, which I have no problem with whatsoever.)
Here at CP, I see “us” as a bunch of cynical, condescending, annoyed class-clowns that have a genuine love for the sport of MMA. We love great fights and enigmatic fighters, it’s really that simple. Whether it is a fighter’s personality or in-ring performance, we try our best not to be “nut-huggers,” but sometimes these things happen in MMA (Damn you Georges!). Because I wanted to curb any bias towards fighters that I might have, I tried my best to not be like a 14 year-old girl, so I avoided Twitter like an invitation to a Mike Whitehead BBQ – but I have given in. Not to the invite, but to my status as a new member of Twitter, and I must admit, there are some pretty damn compelling, comical, and surprisingly elegant MMA fighters that can wax poetic in 140 characters or less.
“Opinions are like assholes. Everybody has one and they think everyone else’s stinks.” I believe that phrase was coined by Sigmund Freud or the Dalai Lama…or George Carlin. Whoever came up with the analogy was clearly a genius with a tremendous affinity for “Dirty” Harry Callahan. So take a big whiff because these are the MMA fighters that I think you should be following on Twitter with a few examples from their recent timelines.
We were all introduced to KenFlo on TUF 1. Although he was somewhat overshadowed by more flamboyant participants and in-house scuffles, he’s elevated himself within the UFC as one of its most versatile members. Whether as a fighter or broadcaster, he displays his wit and charisma like a true pro, but on Twitter he mixes in self-deprecation with an almost narcissistic vibe.
“When I’m being threatened, I will start doing splits to let ppl know what’s up. I always get mistaken for a talented dancer or gymnast.”
“Is a bow tie & no shirt too formal for a charity event I’m going to next week?”
“Guys, stop putting high expectations on fighters. @rory_macdonald didn’t steal my hairdo, he borrowed it. #Respect”
“If you’ve never taken a man’s shoe & beaten him with it then you’ve never been in a street fight. #KenFloFacts”
Mark Hunt – twitter.com/#!/markhunt1974
Though the #RallyForMarkHunt campaign fell short, the Super Samoan’s twitter activity has not. Unlike most, Hunt is a lot more personable and will reply to damn near any question. When asked, “Do you EVER stop consuming alcohol?” He replied, “never.” Scripps probably won’t be sending him an invite to their next competition but it can’t be easy typing on a mobile device when your fingers have the same girth as beer bottles.
“Man last time I saw Jo son he was trying to pull the other fighters pants down hahahaha u didn’t know bout that style of fighting lol”
“dammit disregard my last tweet man that was not supposed to go out lol i am so stupid at this shit fark”
James Thompson – twitter.com/#!/JColossus
We all know the MegaPunk and judging by the way he fights, I am pretty sure that most would assume that the guy communicates like a caveman with a brain hemorrhage. Nothing could be further from the truth. Not only is he a Twitter dynamo who answers questions and responds to fans, he writes a very cerebral blog at colossalconcerns.com where he discusses all things MMA.
“Gf got me working the door again for her bar for some night. So tired I could cry. Sometimes i wish I was small and not so colossus like.”
“After working the door last night I’m curious and slightly disturbed/confused about what young people have against socks.”
“Needed to burn more calories today so set a fat kid on fire.”
“Who the fuck decide it would be cutting edge and cool not to be able to digest wheat properly. #neversawthatcoming”
Josh Barnett – twitter.com/#!/JoshLBarnett
If you are into MMA, Heavy Metal music, food binges, and muscle cars, then the artist formerly known as “The Baby-faced Assassin” is a guy to follow. Not only will he advise you on your current metal play-list, he will also describe his odd meals complete with pictures. A couple weeks ago, Barnett documented his destruction of a menu item called “Symposium of Ecstasy”- a giant meat platter intended on offending every vegan or member of PETA.
“Query: How long will it take before some rapper has taken ‘Someone That I Used to Know’ & ripped it off into ‘Someone That I Used to F#@!’”
“Goddamn I LOVE Don Frye. The man has a way with words.”
“A gay dude just eyeballed me, smiled and said “hi” while walking by…I still got it. #handsomedevil”
Dan Hardy – twitter.com/#!/danhardymma
“The Outlaw” always puts on entertaining fights, and after reading his tweets you will quickly realize that there is another reason why he wasn’t released by the UFC after 4 consecutive losses: he just seems like a pretty damn cool guy. Whether it is his escapades at the gym, his late night excursions to Target or the fact that he is a gun aficionado, Hardy comes off as a dude you want to have a pint with while theorizing your plan for the looming attack by the undead.
“I think Twitter should have a teleport function so instead of blocking someone I could show up wherever they are and beat them mercilessly.”
“Floyd Mayweather is such a dick. I dislike him a little more every time I hear him speak.”
“Police checkpoint on the way home from the gym, trying to catch the stoners because its 4/20. Tax money well spent right? #WhatAWaste”
“On a side note kids – Guns are for self defense, target practice, action movies and the coming zombie apocalypse. Not for problem solving.”
Forrest Griffin – twitter.com/#!/ForrestGriffin
Being an author of 2 books and having a sense of humor that could make a nun blush really gives FoGriff an advantage in this medium. What more could you expect from a guy that dressed in a loin cloth on one of his book covers? Answer: On Twitter you can get a picture of a spread-eagle Forrest dressed like SuperGirl in front of a casino slot machine.
“The other thing is real life prostitutes never look like the ones on tv”
“I want to sincerely apologize for my last tweet. I did not mean to say prostitute I meant to say sex worker. There much better”
“Homework: next time someone casually says hi say ‘your death will give me great pleasure’ or ‘your death will bring me great joy’”
“Did you here UFC fighter @StephanBonnar was arrested for loitering at a public highway reststop restroom”
Tim Kennedy – twitter.com/#!/TimKennedyMMA
There are some that think Tim may be the next person fired for his Twitter contributions but I enjoy the crap out of him. He is active with his tweets and judging from some of the things that CP has covered, he clearly doesn’t take himself too seriously. Although he is too politically motivated for my taste, Kennedy is still a worthwhile follow.
“Professional politicians, hippies, zombies, brussels sprouts, cheap furniture, cutting weight, and one ply toilet paper #ThingsIDislike”
“Dr. Phil please email me. [email protected] I want to coordinate punching some sense into you! You are an idiot.”
“Whenever I want to renew my concern for our country I just go down to the Starbucks by the university and fear for our future.”
“They should let @BrianStann and I head to North Korea to straighten some things out.”
Pat Barry –twitter.com/#!/HypeOrDie
Barry may have the greatest twitter wallpaper/background image in all the land and apparently his CAPS LOCK key is stuck. Aside from being generally hilarious, “HD” was pretty active with the tweets during last weekends Invicta FC with good insight mixed with comic relief. Don’t forget, he did give us one of the greatest video clips ever.
“FUCK TREADMILLS!!!”
“NOT SURE IF THIS IS A BAD SIGN BUT I WOKE UP, ATE, DRANK A REDLINE, THEN INSTANTLY WENT BACK TO SLEEP HARDER THAN I SLEPT LAST NIGHT!!!#fb”
“I WONDER IF ALL THE PEOPLE CONSTANTLY ASKING ME TO SUPPORT THIS HUNT RALLY ARE ASKING MIR AND CAIN TO HELP SUPPORT ALSO???”
“I’LL SUPPORT THE RALLYFORHUNT AS SOON AS EVERYONE ASKING ME TO SUPPORTS RALLYFORHD WHICH IS JUST GIVE ME THE TITLE WITH NO FIGHT!!! DEAL???”
I am not delusional and in no way do I think that I know these dudes because they answered a question or sent out one of mine as a retweet, but Twitter does give you a better understanding of some of the combatant’s personalities. Although social media is a hand grenade without a pin, when used responsibly, it gives althletes and fans a way to interact. I recommend Twitter to follow fighters especially during live events because you can’t get a better source for in-fight analysis. If I know the CP community, I am about to get treated like Ned Beatty in Deliverance.
