Let’s Talk About Dude Wipes for a Minute (or Several Minutes)


(“Official sponsor of Tyron Woodley at UFC 174 (logo on the ass, of course)” / Photo via DudeProducts.com)

If you missed UFC 174 last night, count yourself lucky. It was a terrible card that saw fans literally flocking out of the arena in droves before the main event–a fight where flyweight champ Demetrious Johnson defended his belt against Ali Bagautinov–even ended.

But there was one saving grace: Dude Wipes.

No, really. Tyron Woodley had an ad for Dude Wipes plastered on his ass (which was intentional placement by Dude Products, makers of Dude Wipes). Within minutes, “Dude Wipes” was trending worldwide on Twitter. What, pray tell, is a Dude Wipe? Here’s the story, according to the founders:

Whether it was some unexpected physical activity or the aftermath of the lunchtime burrito, we realized, as guys, we are destined to smell. Something needed to be done. So on behalf of Dudekind [Editor’s note: Ugh] we created The Award Winning Dude Wipes™ to combat stank and put you back on your game wherever or whenever nature calls. 

If you’re still wiping with just toilet paper, you’re a chump and your ass hates you for it. Any red-blooded American knows Dude Wipes™ are something you never leave the crib without.

Dude Products even created some promotional material:

Being the disheveled, grubby, low-minded, basement dwelling neckbeards we are, Dude Wipes sounded right up our alley! We wanted to buy a pack of the dudeliest wipes on Earth and review them for all MMA fans. Alas, after making a perilous trek through Father’s Day traffic to FOUR separate stores, we couldn’t find any (and we weren’t asking a clerk to check for fucking Dude Wipes).

So instead of reviewing them ourselves, we’re going to post reviews from Amazon–both positive and negative.

Let’s start it off with the most glowing reviews…


(“Official sponsor of Tyron Woodley at UFC 174 (logo on the ass, of course)” / Photo via DudeProducts.com)

If you missed UFC 174 last night, count yourself lucky. It was a terrible card that saw fans literally flocking out of the arena in droves before the main event–a fight where flyweight champ Demetrious Johnson defended his belt against Ali Bagautinov–even ended.

But there was one saving grace: Dude Wipes.

No, really. Tyron Woodley had an ad for Dude Wipes plastered on his ass (which was intentional placement by Dude Products, makers of Dude Wipes). Within minutes, “Dude Wipes” was trending worldwide on Twitter. What, pray tell, is a Dude Wipe? Here’s the story, according to the founders:

Whether it was some unexpected physical activity or the aftermath of the lunchtime burrito, we realized, as guys, we are destined to smell. Something needed to be done. So on behalf of Dudekind [Editor’s note: Ugh] we created The Award Winning Dude Wipes™ to combat stank and put you back on your game wherever or whenever nature calls. 

If you’re still wiping with just toilet paper, you’re a chump and your ass hates you for it. Any red-blooded American knows Dude Wipes™ are something you never leave the crib without.

Dude Products even created some promotional materials:

Being the disheveled, grubby, low-minded, basement dwelling neckbeards we are, Dude Wipes sounded right up our alley! We wanted to buy a pack of the dudeliest wipes on Earth and review them for all MMA fans. Alas, after making a perilous trek through Father’s Day traffic to FOUR separate stores, we couldn’t find any (and we weren’t asking a clerk to check for fucking Dude Wipes).

So instead of reviewing them ourselves, we’re going to post reviews from Amazon–both positive and negative.

Let’s start it off with the most glowing reviews:

What a great product. Very functional, discreet, and effective. A perfect cure for male “swamp-ass”! :) . I highly recommended this product. Especially great for boating or camping. – Link.

After receiving this product as a grab bag gift, I am in love. As another reviewer put it, this is not just an after bathroom wipe. I have used the Wipe to stay fresh after the gym, after toiling away in the attic fighting with Christmas decorations and running with the dog. The Dude Wipes clean and refresh my face, my armpits and of course, the “under-carriage”. I have bought more of the Wipes and will NOT be giving them away anytime soon. Throw one in your pocket, your gym bag, your luggage and your overnight bag. You will not regret it.Link

Soft on me booty and booty hole like angels made of feathers were playing sqaush in me outback the whole timeLink

Exactly what I was looking for. I run half marathons, and I do wear thicker underwear. This product gives me that extra clean filling, and confidence I want when sitting around after a race just chatting with friends. Take one pouch put it in my front pocket, and no one notices it. After race excuse myself to the rest room, and freshen up with just one packet. Yes I do recommend this for anyone from tailgating to actually competing in an event.Link

I love dude wipes and have been using for over 9 months. I took them to Korea when it was really humid and they fit great in the wallet and perfect for a quick cleanup or mudbutt incidents. I wish the smell was a little less baby wipe ish but other than that great price and quality.Link

But not all reviewers felt Dude Wipes left their butt holes sparkling clean:

With the nice modern image and masculine name, I expected a wipe that would have some sort of masculine scent to it. Upon receipt, I was surprised to find out they smell very much like an baby wipe. Not worth it.Link

packaging looks great but the scent is not manly at all. Its like they repackaged women’s wet wipes. I imagined a larger wet wipe that has a manly cologne.Link

I’ve rated these wipes so low, because they are the exact same flushable wipes you can buy in the walmart aisle for 97 cents. I thought it would be a nice thing to have just get you through to the next shower if you’re on the go and not in anyone’s personal space, but these are really just for wiping your backside post-defecation. Only ten bucks, but don’t waste your money. The description says for wiping your… FACE!? pre and post workout. True, it probably won’t kill you, but I expected more. (I think Old Spice used to make something closer to what I was looking for that I would use after gym class in high school, but these are NOT THAT!).. just some classic “butt wipes” that they’ve apparently mislabeled (intentionally or unintentionally). Just to further my point:

The back of the box says, “Still wiping with just toilet paper and putting yourself through a daily dose of torture?”

COME ONN.. dem jus booty hole cleaners.Link

The product arrived in an unmarked clear plastic bag, quantity 100 bulk plasti-foil packs, so you will have to find a storage container for about a half gallon’s volume. My frame of reference was the Cottonnelle individual packs I have used for years. Nothing like going through life with two packs in your left front pocket to ensure a day filled with only good experiences. The Dude Wipes are the same size, and will fit the pocket the same way. The fragrance is non-offensive, like Cottonnelle. They say they are flushable but make no septic systems claim, while Cottonnelle does say they are septic tank compatible. Dude Wipes cost me more and I don’t see any reason to prefer them. I do think the wrap is more macho manly that the cute Cottonnelle Golden Retriever puppy, but this is a function I always take care of in solitude….

Less functional with no advantages and a higher cost. My last purchase of this product. – Link

After reading all the reviews, Dude Wipes–as an idea–seem like a convenience guys could use. As a product, however, they appear to be an overpriced marketing gimmick aimed that the kind of Dude Bros who watch MMA (or at least used to watch MMA back during the boom). Still, we’re going to reserve judgement until we can actually get our hands (and butt cheeks) on a set of them. And like we said, the ad placement on Woodley’s butt got the product trending on Twitter, and even got us to write an article about it. So hats off to Dude Wipes, arguably the most successful bizarre sponsor in MMA since Dynamic Fastener.

On a more serious note, what does it say about the UFC’s product when a glorified baby wipe is drawing more attention than the fights?

UFC 174 Results: Fights for Tyron Woodley to Take Next

Tyron Woodley had the opportunity to put his name in the hat for title contention at UFC 174 but came up flat. He was thoroughly outclassed by Rory MacDonald for three rounds and was sent back to the shark tank of the welterweight division.
The Wo…

Tyron Woodley had the opportunity to put his name in the hat for title contention at UFC 174 but came up flat. He was thoroughly outclassed by Rory MacDonald for three rounds and was sent back to the shark tank of the welterweight division.

The Woodley hype train has been effectively derailed, and he is now a meager 3-3 in his past six fights. There are some game-plan issues that Woodley needs to work on when he heads back into the gym that hopefully will present a more well-rounded attack from the former amateur wrestling All-American.

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UFC 174 Results: Complete Breakdown of Johnson vs. Bagautinov Fight Card

After a show full of exciting results, including Demetrious Johnson successfully defending the UFC Flyweight Championship against Ali Bagautinov, the UFC 174 pay-per-view was worth the investment from MMA fans purchasing the event.
Not only did Johnson…

After a show full of exciting results, including Demetrious Johnson successfully defending the UFC Flyweight Championship against Ali Bagautinov, the UFC 174 pay-per-view was worth the investment from MMA fans purchasing the event.

Not only did Johnson retain his title, but the card also saw Rory MacDonald, Ryan Bader and Andrei Arlovski walk away victorious from Rogers Arena in Vancouver, British Columbia.

Here are the complete results from Sunday’s show and a breakdown of Johnson vs. Bagautinov

 

Breaking Down the Main Event

There were many fans and experts who believed Bagautinov would push Johnson to his limit in the main event, but the defending UFC flyweight champion successfully retained the belt via unanimous decision (50-45, 50-45, 50-45).

Bagautinov looked strong at times in this fight—he took Johnson down twice during the five-round battle—but this was Johnson’s chance to shut down the doubters.

Johnson landed 164 strikes, with 133 of those being classified as significant. While it was clear Bagautinov was the better wrestler, he only landed 66 strikes, and just 36 of those were considered significant.

Bleacher Report’s MMA Twitter feed talked about how convincing this unanimous-decision victory was for Johnson:

Saturday’s victory was Johnson’s sixth in a row and fourth successful title defense, but it was the dominant fashion in which he earned the win that really turned the heads of those who believed Bagautinov was going to walk away with the title.

Rob Tatum of The MMA Corner talked about Johnson’s upward trajectory:

With Johnson only getting better, the entire flyweight division has been put on notice. Just as Anderson Silva ran roughshod over the middleweight division for so many years, the unique combination of power, speed and accuracy will help keep Johnson on top.

It was clear that Bagautinov pushed Johnson’s wrestling abilities past their limits, but the defending champion knew how to minimize damage and return the fight to the stand-up position, where he had the advantage.

After several brutal knees and kicks to the face—no one will ever question the toughness of Bagautinov after this war—it became obvious to the crowd and the judges that Johnson was the better overall fighter and Saturday’s victor.

As to the questions about who is next for Johnson, the answer should be John Dodson.

Johnson successfully defended his title against Dodson in the Fight of the Night winner in January of 2013, and a rematch would be an ideal main event for a PPV. Dodson has serious power in his hands and would challenge Johnson for the belt.

While Dodson would land some heavy punches, the tenacity and pure counterattacking instincts of Johnson would result in yet another title defense for one of the pound-for-pound toughest men in the sport today.

 

*Stats via UFC.com.

Read more MMA news on BleacherReport.com

UFC 174 Results: Fights for Andrei Arlovski to Take Next

UFC 174 saw the return of former UFC heavyweight champ Andrei Arlovski. Unfortunately for “The Pitbull,” there aren’t a lot of fans that are too happy that he’s back following UFC 174.
Arlovski fought Brendan Schaub for the full three rounds in what ca…

UFC 174 saw the return of former UFC heavyweight champ Andrei Arlovski. Unfortunately for “The Pitbull,” there aren’t a lot of fans that are too happy that he’s back following UFC 174.

Arlovski fought Brendan Schaub for the full three rounds in what can only be politely called a lackluster fight. Even worse, for some fans the fact Arlovski won was as bad as Diego Sanchez beating Ross Pearson by split decision.

Still, the bottom line says Arlovski won which means he’s likely to get another shot in the Octagon. With a thin division, there aren’t a lot of viable options for a heavyweight who is struggling to stay relevant.

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UFC 174: Potential Future Fights for Saturday Night’s Winners

UFC 174 took place in Vancouver, Canada on Saturday night with some surprising—as well as predictable—results. With the event now over, a number of potential and interesting future fights could be on the horizon for UFC 174’s winners …

UFC 174 took place in Vancouver, Canada on Saturday night with some surprisingas well as predictableresults. With the event now over, a number of potential and interesting future fights could be on the horizon for UFC 174’s winners and losers.

Buried in the prelims, Michinori Tanaka had a successful UFC debut. He defeated Australian Ronald Delorme via unanimous decision, boosting his MMA record to 10-0 in the process. Delormed was injured during the fight and needed medical attention.

A fight against Pedro Munhoz (11-1)—who got his first UFC victory last monthwould be a good test for Tanaka. A win there would boost Tanaka’s name value and set him up for a fight against a more proven bantamweight.

Ovince Saint Preux remains undefeated in the Octagon after getting a second-round submission win over Ryan Jimmo in the main card’s opening bout. The win puts OSP’s UFC record at 4-0; more importantly, he has finished his last three opponents.

That calls for a step up in competition for the Haitian-American, and Ryan Baderwho earned a dominant victory at UFC 174 against Rafael Cavalcantefits the bill. Bader has established himself as a force in the UFC light heavyweight division but has come up short against top fighters like Jon Jones, Lyoto Machida and Glover Teixeira in the past.

However, Bader’s dominant wins against other fighters in the division make him a perfect litmus test for someone like OSP, who is aiming to crack into the Top 10.

Andrei Arlovski and Brendan Schaub put on an unimpressive showing in their match at UFC 174. While Arlovski won via split decision, neither fighter asserted himself as a top-level fighter in the bout.

A fight with Roy Nelson is an interesting bout for Arlovski. The two have squared off before, which ended in an Arlovski victory. However, Nelson would most likely relish the chance of avenging a previous loss, while “The Pitbull” could show he still has what it takes to be a top-tier heavyweight.

Once again Rory MacDonald showed why he is a top welterweight, winning a one-sided unanimous decision over Tyron Woodley in UFC 174’s co-main event. While he has been viewed as a welterweight title contender, “Ares” is just two fights removed from a loss against Robbie Lawler.

However, a No. 1 contender’s fight against the winner of Matt Brown and Robbie Lawler would be great for MacDonald. Against Lawler, he would have the chance to redeem himself, while against Brown he would be fighting a dominant fighter on an eight-fight winning streak.

Demetrious “Mighty Mouse” Johnson successfully defended his flyweight title for a fourth time against Ali Bagautinov. There is now no clear contender to fight Johnson for the belt, but John Dodson has a good case to be the next title challenger.

He lost his title bout against Mighty Mouse in January last year but has earned two dominant victories over Darrell Montague and John Moraga since then. That could be enough to see a Johnson vs. Dodson rematch before the end of the year.

Read more MMA news on BleacherReport.com

UFC 174 Results: Did Demetrious Johnson’s Win Sell Fans on the Flyweights?

Demetrious Johnson did what he always does at UFC 174. But was it enough to sell fans on buying future pay-per-views featuring him and the flyweight division?
Well, judging from the comments on the Internet, it depends on who you ask.
There are plenty …

Demetrious Johnson did what he always does at UFC 174. But was it enough to sell fans on buying future pay-per-views featuring him and the flyweight division?

Well, judging from the comments on the Internet, it depends on who you ask.

There are plenty of fans who enjoy Johnson for what he is: one of the most technical fighters in the game today. Much in the manner of former welterweight champ Georges St-Pierre, Johnson’s performances tend to be very one-sided with little doubt as to who won.

But being such a dominant champion (Joe Rogan called him perfect during the UFC 174 broadcast) has its drawbacks as well. Fans not only expect Johnson to run over his competition, but they act displeased when it happens.

He was in complete control of Ali Bagautinov throughout the fight. Johnson would win a unanimous decision, not losing a single round to his challenger. But as dominant as the performance was, it was still missing something.

A definitive finish.

Everyone knows Johnson is better than Bagautinov, but the fight still went to the distance. On a night where the fights seemed to drag to a decision, Johnson could have used another finish. He has shown he’s capable of finishing top-level fighters, knocking out Joseph Benavidez and tapping out John Moraga in his previous title defenses.

I can appreciate what the champ brings to the cage; he’s one of the best fighters in all of MMA without a doubt. He brings a well-rounded game to the cage, but he, along with the rest of the flyweight division, has struggled to catch on with MMA fans.

If the fighters on the UFC’s roster don’t respect the flyweights, why should fans care?

The UFC has tried very hard to build up the flyweight division by featuring Johnson on national television. He was a big part of three consecutive UFC on Fox broadcasts, which in theory should have built up his name to sell a pay-per-view.

The only problem is that UFC 174 is likely to do terrible in terms of buys and suffered from a complete lack of promotion. But still, he had the opportunity to show people who didn’t care to watch UFC 174 what they would be missing.

Instead, he put on a lackluster, albeit dominant, performance against Bagautinov.

Johnson isn’t into hyping up fights with trash talk, and that’s fine. But if you’re going to be a top pound-for-pound fighter who doesn’t like to talk, you better give fans a reason to watch you in the cage. There comes a point when simply being dominant isn’t enough.

The UFC flyweight division desperately needed a finish from Johnson at UFC 174 to help create another pay-per-view draw. Instead, he offered a typical performance where he won decisively on the judges’ scorecards.

If that’s your cup of tea, then good for you. But for a lot of fans, that isn’t enough to make them drop 50 dollars on a pay-per-view.

Johnson had a great chance to put the flyweight division on the map at UFC 152 in September 2012 and failed to do so. It’s not often that you get a second chance to make an impact for an entire division while headlining a pay-per-view card, and he squandered his opportunity at UFC 174.

Read more MMA news on BleacherReport.com