(Blatantly contradicting yourself in less than 150 characters? Dear lord, how we’ve missed this man.)
It seems like it’s been an eternity since we’ve checked in with our buddy War Machine, peddler of all things conspiracy and sexer of all things bologna. After a nasty ACL tear and a couple rough stints in the clink, the mixed martial artist formerly known as Prison Mike John Koppenhaver is finally set to make his Bellator debut on June 19th at Bellator 96. Perhaps to boost some awareness of his return, or perhaps because he is crazier than a shithouse rat, Machine has once again taken aim at one of his enemies using the power of the Internet. No, not President Obama, we’re talking about tightwad MMA sponsors, obviously.
In any case, Machine has been tweeting up a storm as of late, and his tweets contain the usual mix of hilarious ignorance and self sabotage that we have come to expect from the porn world’s most notorious bad boy. We’ve compiled our top 10 favorites (via @WarMachine170) for your viewing pleasure below. Welcome back, old friend.
(Blatantly contradicting yourself in less than 150 characters? Dear lord, how we’ve missed this man.)
It seems like it’s been an eternity since we’ve checked in with our buddy War Machine, peddler of all things conspiracy and sexer of all things bologna. After a nasty ACL tear and a couple rough stints in the clink, the mixed martial artist formerly known as Prison Mike John Koppenhaver is finally set to make his Bellator debut on June 19th at Bellator 96. Perhaps to boost some awareness of his return, or perhaps because he is crazier than a shithouse rat, Machine has once again taken aim at one of his enemies using the power of the Internet. No, not President Obama, we’re talking about tightwad MMA sponsors, obviously.
In any case, Machine has been tweeting up a storm as of late, and his tweets contain the usual mix of hilarious ignorance and self sabotage that we have come to expect from the porn world’s most notorious bad boy. We’ve compiled our top 10 favorites (via @WarMachine170) for your viewing pleasure below. Welcome back, old friend.
7, 6, 5, 4, and 3. War Machine: Future Fighter’s Union Rep
2. SMH
1. One Can Only Hope
And hot off the press…
May the Wunderbar Gods smile upon you on this day, you crazy son of a bitch. For your sake, we just hope that Evan Tanner does not have an in with those Gods.
(They can put you behind bars. They can fire you for being an idiot. But damn it, they’ll never take your sense of joy.)
On June 19th, War Machine (formerly known as Jon Koppenhaver) will finally make his Bellator debut, when he faces WEC veteran Blas Avena at Bellator 96. The fight will come four-and-a-half years after the short-fused welterweight was first signed by Bellator back in early 2009. Let’s just say their schedules haven’t matched up since then.
Now that War Machine is all healed up, he’ll allegedly be making his Bellator debut on the promotion’s 2013 Summer Series premiere on Spike TV, assuming he doesn’t beat up another civilian, or sustain another training injury, or get cut again for simply expressing his honest thoughts. Machine hasn’t competed since his TKO win over Roger Huerta in November 2011, while Avena recently snapped a two-year winless streak by TKO’ing Lenny Lovato at Bellator 91 in February.
Can War Machine rebuild his career in the #2 MMA promotion? And what the hell kind of name is “Blas,” anyway?
(They can put you behind bars. They can fire you for being an idiot. But damn it, they’ll never take your sense of joy.)
On June 19th, War Machine (formerly known as Jon Koppenhaver) will finally make his Bellator debut, when he faces WEC veteran Blas Avena at Bellator 96. The fight will come four-and-a-half years after the short-fused welterweight was first signed by Bellator back in early 2009. Let’s just say their schedules haven’t matched up since then.
Now that War Machine is all healed up, he’ll allegedly be making his Bellator debut on the promotion’s 2013 Summer Series premiere on Spike TV, assuming he doesn’t beat up another civilian, or sustain another training injury, or get cut again for simply expressing his honest thoughts. Machine hasn’t competed since his TKO win over Roger Huerta in November 2011, while Avena recently snapped a two-year winless streak by TKO’ing Lenny Lovato at Bellator 91 in February.
Can War Machine rebuild his career in the #2 MMA promotion? And what the hell kind of name is “Blas,” anyway?
(This “20 Staredowns That Got Physical” video conveniently cuts off before Ricardo Mayorga flash-KO’s Din Thomas with a karate chop to the neck. Props: MMADigest)
(This “20 Staredowns That Got Physical” video conveniently cuts off before Ricardo Mayorga flash-KO’s Din Thomas with a karate chop to the neck. Props: MMADigest)
(And to think, if only Big Dan was at Paul’s side, this whole situation might have been avoided.)
Good morning, Potato Nation. How was your Christmas? I see that at least a few of you spent it here, arguing about racism, or incomprehensibly ranting about women’s rights, and we thank you for the repeated page views. But if you think you were the only ones whose stockings were stuffed with a bit of vitriol this holiday season, think again, because UFC castaway and all around good guy Paul “Semtex” Daley apparently spent his beating the Christmas spirit out of some local bar patrons.
Sound familiar? According to ESPN’s Josh Gross, Daley has not only been arrested on assault charges stemming from a recent bar fight in his native London, but has been barred from entering the United States until the situation is resolved. This of course means that he will not be participating in Bellator’s upcoming welterweight tournament, although his original opponent, War Machine, had already suffered a leg injury that forced him to postpone their scheduled fight 4 to 6 months. We would say that this is a rather unfortunate turn of events for Bellator, but shit happens when you stack your roster with ex-cons and guys who were thrown out of the UFC for being hotheaded sore losers.
Daley — who could face up to two years in prison if convicted — has yet to make an official statement on the issue, but simply posted the following on the UG:
Rumours. However it seems my next fight will not be for Bellator.
(And to think, if only Big Dan was at Paul’s side, this whole situation might have been avoided.)
Good morning, Potato Nation. How was your Christmas? I see that at least a few of you spent it here, arguing about racism, or incomprehensibly ranting about women’s rights, and we thank you for the repeated page views. But if you think you were the only ones whose stockings were stuffed with a bit of vitriol this holiday season, think again, because UFC castaway and all around good guy Paul “Semtex” Daley apparently spent his beating the Christmas spirit out of some local bar patrons.
Sound familiar? According to ESPN’s Josh Gross, Daley has not only been arrested on assault charges stemming from a recent bar fight in his native London, but has been barred from entering the United States until the situation is resolved. This of course means that he will not be participating in Bellator’s upcoming welterweight tournament, although his original opponent, War Machine, had already suffered a leg injury that forced him to postpone their scheduled fight 4 to 6 months. We would say that this is a rather unfortunate turn of events for Bellator, but shit happens when you stack your roster with ex-cons and guys who were thrown out of the UFC for being hotheaded sore losers.
Daley — who could face up to two years in prison if convicted — has yet to make an official statement on the issue, but simply posted the following on the UG:
Rumours. However it seems my next fight will not be for Bellator.
It’s seems as though a mass press release has gone out to the MMA media, stating I was involved in a bar brawl, arrested, and cannot obtain a P-1 visa to compete in the USA.
…I am currently awaiting a decision on my visa, which is not expected until late April. Which means i am unable to compete in the season 8 Bellator tournament, as it starts in January.
I will be fighting in Europe in the coming months, so I am able to stay active while awaiting a decision on my visa status.
I was not involved in a bar brawl. This is 100% a false statement.
While we’re not prepared (or informed) enough to call Daley a liar, something definitely smells fishy here. For starters, Daley has competed several times in the US before without Visa issues, so the fact that he’s suddenly run into said issues cannot mean anything positive. And as one person stated on Daley’s Facebook, where there’s smoke, there’s usually fire. But again, if we’re using Chad Mendes as a measuring stick, then the charges against Daley may very well have been exaggerated by the media sources who originally reported it. On the other hand, note that Daley said he was never involved in a bar brawl, NOT that he wasn’t facing assault charges.
Daley’s manager, Wad Alameddine, also stated that Paul plans on fighting for Bellator following his February fight, but we will keep you informed as details are made available.
Dan’s opponent for Bellator 81, Mike Mucitelli, who is now waiting for a new fight. Taken directly from bandanmcguane.com
It isn’t often that the booking of an undercard fight can cause controversy, but Bellator recently found itself in hot water when they booked Dan McGuane on the undercard of this week’s Bellator 81. Bellator booked a fight between McGuane and 3-0 Light-Heavyweight Mike Mucitelli, ignoring the fact that Dan McGuane was convicted of manslaughter in 2005. No big deal, it was just self-defense, right? Unfortunately, no. Not even close.
Recently, a website BanDanMcGuane.com popped up after the webmaster had learned that Bellator had signed the fighter. According to reports, McGuane and his twin brother beat an eighteen year old, one hundred and fifty-five pound man named Kelly Proctor to death after Dan’s brother thought he heard Kelly say something. I wish I were exaggerating, but I’m not. After the jump, the grisly details, courtesy of the website (they’ve since been removed):
Dan’s opponent for Bellator 81, Mike Mucitelli, who is now waiting for a new fight. Taken directly from bandanmcguane.com
It isn’t often that the booking of an undercard fight can cause controversy, but Bellator recently found itself in hot water when they booked Dan McGuane on the undercard of this week’s Bellator 81. Bellator booked a fight between McGuane and 3-0 Light-Heavyweight Mike Mucitelli, ignoring the fact that Dan McGuane was convicted of manslaughter in 2005. No big deal, it was just self-defense, right? Unfortunately, no. Not even close.
Recently, a website BanDanMcGuane.com popped up after the webmaster had learned that Bellator had signed the fighter. According to reports, McGuane and his twin brother beat an eighteen year old, one hundred and fifty-five pound man named Kelly Proctor to death after Dan’s brother thought he heard Kelly say something. I wish I were exaggerating, but I’m not. After the jump, the grisly details, courtesy of the website (they’ve since been removed):
At the time of the incident that led to his death, the victim was five feet, eight inches tall and weighed approximately 155 pounds. Each defendant was approximately six feet, four inches tall and weighed nearly 200 pounds.
On the evening of Saturday, July 2, 2005, the victim and his girlfriend, Jayme Rotondi, watched part of the town of Ayer’s annual Independence Day fireworks at Pirone Park, but left early to avoid the crowds at the end of the display. As they left the park, the victim and Rotondi passed a group of at least six people walking toward the park. The group consisted of the defendants, Greg Shultz, an exchange student from Denmark, who was approximately the same size as the defendants, Brandi Livingston, Mary Papalucas and Sara Jones. Rotondi noticed one of the defendants staring at her; she smiled, then heard someone laugh. The victim stopped and asked Rotondi, “What are they laughing at?” Peter left the group and walked back toward the victim and asked, “Did you say something? Do you want me to beat your ass in front of your girl?” Papalucas positioned herself between Peter and the victim and said to Peter, “Don’t do this, let’s go.” At that point, Peter reached over Papalucas’s head and, with an open hand, slapped the victim across the face, knocking from his mouth a straw on which he had been chewing. After Peter slapped the victim, Daniel joined in the attack. Both defendants punched the victim several times. The victim began crawling, trying to escape the assault.
The fight gradually moved from the street to the curb, then onto the sidewalk, where the defendants forced the victim back up against a sport utility vehicle (SUV). Rotondi, in an attempt to break up the fight, jumped onto Daniel’s back and scratched him, tearing his blue polo shirt. She was pulled off Daniel by Papalucas, who also tried unsuccessfully to break up the fight. One of the defendants shoved Papalucas and Rotondi aside, then Daniel kicked the victim in the chest. The victim fell to the ground and ended up under the SUV. The defendants walked away, leaving the victim under the SUV. As he left the scene, Peter said, “What do you have to say now?”
The victim remained under the SUV, lying on his chest, with blood coming from his nose. His breathing was labored. Papalucas told the victim it was okay to come out from under the SUV, but he was not responsive. She and some of the defendants’ friends, who remained at the scene, pulled the victim from under the SUV. The victim was unconscious and his eyes were open but rolled back in his head.
Long story short, Dan and his equally deplorable brother beat a younger, smaller Kelly Proctor to death because they heard him ask his girlfriend a question. I’d compare them to the lunkhead pieces of shit who wear Affliction, but I have – and I can’t believe I’m typing this – more respect for those people than I do for the McGuanes.
Before we go any further, I understand that everyone has a right to make a living. At the same token, not everyone has a right to make a living as a professional fighter. There are plenty of other ways to make a living besides fighting.
It’s bad enough that certain politicians still compare our sport to cock-fighting and dog-fighting; we don’t need to give those comparisons legitimacy by glorifying a despicable human being like Dan McGuane. Beating a younger, smaller person to death with your twin brother isn’t “brave” or “athletic,” it’s something that only a completely sick, deranged individual would do.
If someone is unable to separate the person in the cage from the person outside of it, they simply aren’t mentally stable enough to deserve the right to represent out sport. If you disagree, that’s fine, as long as you don’t complain about the mainstream media representing MMA fighters as douchebag high school dropouts who are too stupid to work at Burger King. At least be consistent with your beliefs.
For the record, I also wouldn’t want current Bellator fighters Brett Rogers and War Machine representing my brand due to their – ahem – “character issues.” Unlike McGuane, though, not only did those two never kill anybody, but they’re also both names that hardcore fans are familiar with who have demonstrated that they have at least some talent. I’m not saying I agree with either man being on Bellator’s payroll, but at least I understand why they were signed. There were literally never any such advantages to signing Dan McGuane.
Although the UFC has easily secured the top position for “Most Interesting News of the Day,” their rivals over at Bellator have recently revealed a pretty unique feature of their own for their upcoming season on Spike TV. Besides the fact that they are completely exploiting War Machine’s less than positive personal history as a hype tool for his promotional debut*[AWESOME], Bjorn and the boys have debuted an interactive web series dubbed “Vote for the Fight,” which allows you to, wait for it, vote for the very first fight of their 2013 season on Spike TV.
Fans will be given the option to match up any of the following four fighters: Ben Saunders, Paul Daley, Douglas Lima, and our boy War Machine. In addition, Spike TV will be airing a new episode of the web series — which will provide some background and behind-the-scenes info on each of the participants — each Thursday.
Part 1 is above and Part 2 awaits you after the jump.
Although the UFC has easily secured the top position for “Most Interesting News of the Day,” their rivals over at Bellator have recently revealed a pretty unique feature of their own for their upcoming season on Spike TV. Besides the fact that they are completely exploiting War Machine’s less than positive personal history as a hype tool for his promotional debut*[AWESOME], Bjorn and the boys have debuted an interactive web series dubbed “Vote for the Fight,” which allows you to, wait for it, vote for the very first fight of their 2013 season on Spike TV.
Fans will be given the option to match up any of the following four fighters: Ben Saunders, Paul Daley, Douglas Lima, and our boy War Machine. In addition, Spike TV will be airing a new episode of the web series — which will provide some background and behind-the-scenes info on each of the participants — each Thursday.
An interesting side note is that none of these gentlemen will be appearing in Bellator’s next welterweight tournament. In fact, only two of them have ever met inside the cage before — Lima and Saunders — with Lima defeating Saunders by second round knockout at Bellator 57. One would think that Saunders would want a chance to earn some redemption against Lima or possibly face off against his fellow TUF 6 alum in War Machine, but according to his Twitter account, Saunders would much rather test the waters against arguably the most dangerous striker of them all: Paul “Semtex” Daley, who is fresh off a first round stomping of Rudy Bears in his Bellator debut. Lima, on the other hand, recently rebounded from his failed title bid against Ben Azzzzkren with a first round TKO win over Jacob Ortiz at Bellator 79.
But you don’t care about any of that. What you care about is who will War Machine be fighting next and will he actually make it to said fight without incarcerating himself in the mean time. The last time Machine aka Prison Mike was released from the clink, he broke Roger Huerta’s ribs and TKO’d that nail painting ninny in the third round, so you best believe that whoever he faces is going to get torn through like a bologna sandwich. We’d prefer if that someone was Askren, because everyone knows that the only one way to defend his narcolepsy-inducing lay-n-pray is with the savage, prison-based form of fighting known only as ape-n-rape, which War Machine has all but mastered by this point in his career. But we digress.
So what do you think, Potato Nation? Is Bellator’s new interactive feature a good thing for fans, or will they only screw things up worse than when they picked David Cook over David Archuleta? BUT D-ARCH WAS SOOO DREAMY!!
*Because when you think about it, prison is basically a limitless training facility to improve your MMA game if your willing to fork over the sanctity of your butthole every now and again. Reach for the stars, kids!