If you’re anything like us, then your obsession with the gorgeous and deadly Ronda Rousey has grown greater with each passing day. You’ve likely written no less than twenty Shakespearean sonnets declaring your love for the woman, and though you won’t admit it, in the back of your mind you know that this obsession is destined to end with a restraining order and a harai goshi to boot.
The video, taken from one of Ms. Rousey’s recent training sessions, demonstrates a couple of the “impact conditioning” exercises the Olympic Judoka goes through on a daily basis. Now that she’s been rallying for a match against Strikeforce women’s featherweight champion Christiane “Cyborg” Santos, we imagine the purpose of this drill is to prevent our girl from immediately BM’ing after eating one of the champ’s ruthless body shots. Good luck, Ronda, because being in the same room as Cyborg is enough to make us try out our best Tim Sylvia impression. <— WE WILL NEVER STOP MAKING THIS JOKE.
If you’re anything like us, then your obsession with the gorgeous and deadly Ronda Rousey has grown greater with each passing day. You’ve likely written no less than twenty Shakespearean sonnets declaring your love for the woman, and though you won’t admit it, in the back of your mind you know that this obsession is destined to end with a restraining order and a harai goshi to boot.
The video, taken from one of Ms. Rousey’s recent training sessions, demonstrates a couple of the “impact conditioning” exercises the Olympic Judoka goes through on a daily basis. Now that she’s been rallying for a match against Strikeforce women’s featherweight champion Christiane “Cyborg” Santos, we imagine the purpose of this drill is to prevent our girl from immediately BM’ing after eating one of the champ’s ruthless body shots. Good luck, Ronda, because being in the same room as Cyborg is enough to make us try out our best Tim Sylvia impression. <— WE WILL NEVER STOP MAKING THIS JOKE.
Ronda is a kid that trained with us for many years at Team Hayastan. The reason why Ronda is so good, is because Ronda was a cute little girl – she’s not little no more – but she was a cute little girl that trained with guys like us. She wasn’t training with other girls. Other girls she would beat up, so she would train with us. She would cry. I would yell at her, ‘Suck your lip up! I don’t want you crying!’ She would suck her lip up and continue on. She would cry so much during practice because we would push her. That’s why she became an animal in the cage and on the mat… She’s a strong girl. She’s really strong mentally.
Smooth, Karo. The ladies must melt in your hands like butter.
Well, at least he attained the proper tags. None other than former UFC welterweight champion and avid hunting afficionado Matt Hughes tweeted this picture early today, which was taken on a recent hunting trip he made to the Midwest. After more than a few of his followers had something to say about it, Matt responded with the following tweet:
(Nah, he’s just sleepin’.)
Well, at least he attained the proper tags. None other than former UFC welterweight champion and avid hunting afficionado Matt Hughes tweeted this picture early today, which was taken on a recent hunting trip he made to the Midwest. After more than a few of his followers had something to say about it, Matt responded with the following tweet:
Now, I know many of you are probably up in arms over the fact that Hughes would kill such a cute, defenseless animal; one he won’t likely be eating to boot. But allow me to lay some knowledge on you real quick. Bobcats, like the one in the above photo, are nasty, viscous, opportunistic little assholes. They are kind of like the Joe Son’s of the animal world, if you will, so before you start spouting off about what an “ignorant redneck” Matt Hughes is, just take a moment and watch this video, in which a rabid Bobcat attacks people in a bar. Think that would suck? Check out this story about a 62 year old Vietnam vet who had to strangle one to death to stop it from attacking him. In both cases, the Bobcats had rabies. So suck on that, PETArds *snicker* of the world.
Coming off back-to-back losses knockout losses to B.J. Penn and Josh Koscheck, perhaps we will be seeing Hughes on one of those MSNBC hunting shows before we see him in the octagon. Then again, if Dan Hardy has his way, Hughes may be called off the range sooner than later. Speaking of the Brits, have any of you ever seen a British hunting show? I just stumbled across one, and as is the case with most British television, it’s kooky as shit. Check it out.
(Clip taken from the show Constable Murray of the Forest Nether-regions.)
(I bet if that cameraman had been The Undertaker, Lesnar would have just let him do his job. Video props via MiddleEasy.)
OK, so maybe the above video was taken in the aftermath of Brock Lesnar’s first round TKO loss to Alistair Overeem, but we imagine he had a similar reaction when informed by the Nevada State Athletic Commission that he must have an abdominal injury cleared by a doctor before he can compete in any physical activity for the next 6 months. Remember, given his recent retirement, the “physical activity” that Lesnar would be limited from would be his two favorite things, illegally tag-and-bagging mule deer and “getting on top of his wife.” Livestrong, Mr. Lesnar. BTW, that was kind of a dick move, shoving a poor cameraman like that. Way to go out with class.
But Lesnar was not the only fighter who walked out of UFC 141 facing a possible 6 month suspension. Nate Diaz, who, after out landing Donald Cerrone by over 150 strikes, somehow faces a longer suspension than that of “The Cowboy” — Diaz must have his right eye cleared by an ophthalmologist or will also be out of action until June 28th.
Join us after the jump for the full list.
(I bet if that cameraman had been The Undertaker, Lesnar would have just let him do his job. Video props via MiddleEasy.)
OK, so maybe the above video was taken in the aftermath of Brock Lesnar’s first round TKO loss to Alistair Overeem, but we imagine he had a similar reaction when informed by the Nevada State Athletic Commission that he must have an abdominal injury cleared by a doctor before he can compete in any physical activity for the next 6 months. Remember, given his recent retirement, the “physical activity” that Lesnar would be limited from would be his two favorite things, illegally tag-and-bagging mule deer and “getting on top of his wife.” Livestrong, Mr. Lesnar. BTW, that was kind of a dick move, shoving a poor cameraman like that. Way to go out with class.
But Lesnar was not the only fighter who walked out of UFC 141 facing a possible 6 month suspension. Nate Diaz, who, after out landing Donald Cerrone by over 150 strikes, somehow faces a longer suspension than that of “The Cowboy” — Diaz must have his right eye cleared by an ophthalmologist or will also be out of action until June 28th.
UFC 141 medical suspensions:
Alistair Overeem: Suspended until Feb. 14; no contest until Jan. 30 for cuts on right eye
Brock Lesnar: Must have abdominal injury cleared by a doctor or no contest until June 28
Nate Diaz: Must be cleared by an ophthalmologist or no contest until June 28; minimum suspension, no contest until Jan. 30; no contact until Jan. 21 for right eye injury
Donald Cerrone: Suspended until Feb. 14; no contact until Jan. 30 for cut on lower lip
Jon Fitch: Suspended until Feb.29; no contest until Feb. 14
Alexander Gustafsson: Suspended until Jan. 30; no contact until Jan. 21 for right tibia contusion
Vladimir Matyushenko: Must have left knee cleared by an orthopedic doctor or no contest until June 28; minimum suspension, no contest until Feb. 14; no contact until Jan. 30
Nam Phan: Suspended until Feb. 29; no contact until Feb. 14 for cut on right eyebrow
Junior Assuncao: Suspended until Jan. 30; no contact until Jan. 21 for cut on right cheek
Dong Hyun Kim: Suspended until Jan. 30; no contact until Jan. 21 for left foot contusion
Diego Nunes: Suspended until Feb. 14; no contact until Jan. 30 for cut on left eye
Manny Gamburyan: Must have right shoulder x-rayed and cleared by an orthopedic doctor or no contest until June 28; minimum suspension, no contest until Jan. 30; no contact until Jan. 21
(NOW we get why Kyle’s friends often refer to him as “The Poke” Noke.)
After collecting three straight stoppage victories in as many UFC contests, EliteXC and TUF 11 veteran Kyle Noke was quickly building up a reputation as one of the top up-and-comers in the middleweight division. Being one of the few successful Australian fighters to grace the UFC (sorry, Elvis), Noke carried a bit more pressure on his shoulders than the average TUF alum, especially when heading into his UFC Live 5 match against resurgent TUF 3 veteran Ed Herman. Unfortunately Noke (and therefore the Australian MMA community), would fall to a first round heel hook in that fight, placing all Aussie UFC hopes in the hands of a man nicknamed after an animal relative to Africa.
But fret not, ye Fosters enthusiasts, for Noke’s path to redemption will begin in the land from which he was birthed. Yes, “KO” recently announced that he will be taking on Jared Hamman at UFC on FX 2, which goes down at the Allphones Arena in Sydney, Australia. Hamman, whom we will forever be in debt to for knocking CB Dolloway out of the UFC, will also be looking to build up a win streak; he was most recently flattened in the first round by Constantinos Philippou at UFC 140. This match has yet to be confirmed by the UFC.
Join us after the jump for some juicy featherweight and bantamweight gossip…
(NOW we get why Kyle’s friends often refer to him as “The Poke” Noke.)
After collecting three straight stoppage victories in as many UFC contests, EliteXC and TUF 11 veteran Kyle Noke was quickly building up a reputation as one of the top up-and-comers in the middleweight division. Being one of the few successful Australian fighters to grace the UFC (sorry, Elvis), Noke carried a bit more pressure on his shoulders than the average TUF alum, especially when heading into his UFC Live 5 match against resurgent TUF 3 veteran Ed Herman. Unfortunately Noke (and therefore the Australian MMA community), would fall to a first round heel hook in that fight, placing all Aussie UFC hopes in the hands of a man nicknamed after an animal relative to Africa.
But fret not, ye Fosters enthusiasts, for Noke’s path to redemption will begin in the land from which he was birthed. Yes, “KO” recently announced that he will be taking on Jared Hamman at UFC on FX 2, which goes down at the Allphones Arena in Sydney, Australia. Hamman, whom we will forever be in debt to for knocking CB Dolloway out of the UFC, will also be looking to build up a win streak; he was most recently flattened in the first round by Constantinos Philippou at UFC 140. This match has yet to be confirmed by the UFC.
Also rumored for the UFC’s return to Australia will be TUF 5 alum Cole Miller’s featherweight debut, which will pair him against seasoned TUF 14 vet Steve Siler. Fresh off a second round submission of T.J. O’Brien, the 6’1”, Miller was already lanky for a lightweight, but will now be entering Corey Hill territory at 145 pounds. Stay away from the leg kicks is all were saying, Cole. After getting eliminated via a Diego Brandao steamrolling in his run on The Ultimate Fighter 14, Siler rebounded at the TUF 14 Finale with a decision win over Josh Clopton.
And in UFC on FX 1 news, bantamweight prospect Mike Easton will be looking to improve upon his second round TKO over Byron Bloodworth when he takes on WEC vet Ken Stone. Stone, who suffered brutal back-to-back knockouts at the hands of Eddie Wineland (via slam) and Scott Jorgensen (via punches), finally learned what it was like to be the one standingover an unconscious body when he choked out Donny Walker back at UFN 25.
UFC on FX is set to go down on January 20th from the Bridgestone Arena in Nashville, Tennessee. Yours truly will be handling the liveblog duties, so make sure to stop by and inform me of how poor a job I am doing.
Jacob Volkmann is a man of many faces; he is an excellent, if somewhat frustrating grappler, a small business owner, and someone who knows how to pick a nickname. But among those faces, you will not likely see Volkmann donning “the fight finisher” or “the comedian” anytime soon. If you, like Joe Rogan and the few audience members present for his decision victory over Efrain Escudero at UFC 141, didn’t find Jacob Volkmann’s “glassectomy” bit to be all that amusing, then you weren’t alone. Lucky for us, our buddies over at MiddleEasy were able to catch up with “Christmas” recently, and allowed him to clarify his statement:
I heard that joke when I was six years old. ‘Glassectomy’ is when they cut your belly button out, put a piece of glass in there, and when you have your head up your butt so you can see where your going.
We guess that it’s just one of those “you had to be there” kind of jokes. Then again, we’re glad we weren’t there the day that one of the Volkmann clan opted to have this procedure carried out. But apparently one visit from the Secret Service was not enough to convince Volkmann that he might want to tone down the threats aimed at the leader of the free world, because when questioned on the specifics of his beef with Obama (and what he would do to him in a fight), Volkmann had the following to say:
Jacob Volkmann is a man of many faces; he is an excellent, if somewhat frustrating grappler, a small business owner, and someone who knows how to pick a nickname. But among those faces, you will not likely see Volkmann donning “the fight finisher” or “the comedian” anytime soon. If you, like Joe Rogan and the few audience members present for his decision victory over Efrain Escudero at UFC 141, didn’t find Jacob Volkmann’s “glassectomy” bit to be all that amusing, then you weren’t alone. Lucky for us, our buddies over at MiddleEasy were able to catch up with “Christmas” recently, and allowed him to clarify his statement:
I heard that joke when I was six years old. ‘Glassectomy’ is when they cut your belly button out, put a piece of glass in there, and when you have your head up your butt so you can see where your going.
We guess that it’s just one of those “you had to be there” kind of jokes. Then again, we’re glad we weren’t there the day that one of the Volkmann clan opted to have this procedure carried out. But apparently one visit from the Secret Service was not enough to convince Volkmann that he might want to tone down the threats aimed at the leader of the free world, because when questioned on the specifics of his beef with Obama (and what he would do to him in a fight), Volkmann had the following to say:
My beef with Obama? It seems like all his decisions, he’s not really thinking them through, he’s basing his decisions, it seems like, on who is paying him the most money. They’re not really logical, they’re not good policies. Like making a home affordable plan, the health care plan he’s got, it’s like, ‘Where’d you come up with that? Were you even thinking when you wrote it?’ I would for sure take him down and submit him. I would try to make it a very painful submission though. Try and do like a Kimura or an armbar, try and rip it.
Now, far be it from us here at CP to throw our political views around, but this is getting kind of…weird. We get it Jacob, you are simply trying to expand your name brand, one which is mainly based upon a silly incident in your past. But have you heard of a mixed martial artist by the name of David “Hello Japan” Gardner, or perhaps, Yoshihiro “Kiss” Nakao? These are the ranks you are joining, Mr. Volkmann, and honestly, you seem like too nice a guy to lump in with those types, so maybe it’s time to end this charade and focus more on, you know, finishing fights.
I’ll level with you, Potato Nation; I am not an Obama fan. There, I said it. I’m not going to go into detail about my gripes with the man, mainly out of fear that the Secret Service would accidentally discover my illegal grow operation whilst paying me a visit, but suffice it to say, I agree with Volkmann to a degree. But when a public figure of any sort begins to market themselves on their political views rather than their profession, it just comes across as kind of…bleh. It’s the reason Alec Baldwin seems like he’d be a cool guy based on his TV persona, but is kind of a doucher in real life.
In either case, we’ll have a little more faith in Volkmann’s claims when he actually starts submitting fighters in the UFC.
It’s a new year, Potato Nation, and aside from an endless number of Mayan-themed jokes that will undoubtedly punctuate most of our content, we’ve decided to kick off 2012 with you, our esteemed followers, in mind. And while we had more than our fill of exciting brawls in 2011, things like injury curses, excessive title shots, and sudden desires for film careers left us with hunger pains that could only be satiated by the announcement of another marquee match-up. That, or one of your wife’s famous steak sandwiches.
Call us greedy, call us insensitive, but we’re the type of fans that simply must have our every fantasy fulfilled, and it is with that in mind that we ask you, our fellow fanatics, to join us in a discussion of the five fights we NEED to witness this year, if only to end a few of the never ending arguments that constitute the CP comments sections. Here are our picks…
Why?: Because if we have to hear how lucky Silva got one more time, we are going to round up all of our writers and perform a full reenactment of Death of a (Real Estate) Salesman. Goldstein will play Willy Loman, the elderly and dillusional salesman (Obvs.). CrushCo will play Biff, the former football star who yearns for a life as a farmhand, and Seth will play Happy, the slacking womanizer, leaving none other than myself to play Linda. What can I say, it sucks being the new guy.
(Can someone say SUPERFIGHT?!!!)
It’s a new year, Potato Nation, and aside from an endless number of Mayan-themed jokes that will undoubtedly punctuate most of our content, we’ve decided to kick off 2012 with you, our esteemed followers, in mind. And while we had more than our fill of exciting brawls in 2011, things like injury curses, excessive title shots, and sudden desires for film careers left us with hunger pains that could only be satiated by the announcement of another marquee match-up. That, or one of your wife’s famous steak sandwiches.
Call us greedy, call us insensitive, but we’re the type of fans that simply must have our every fantasy fulfilled, and it is with that in mind that we ask you, our fellow fanatics, to join us in a discussion of the five fights we NEED to witness this year, if only to end a few of the never ending arguments that constitute the CP comments sections. Here are our picks…
Why?: Because if we have to hear how lucky Silva got one more time, we are going to round up all of our writers and perform a full reenactment of Death of a (Real Estate) Salesman. Goldstein will play Willy Loman, the elderly and dillusional salesman (Obvs.). CrushCo will play Biff, the former football star who yearns for a life as a farmhand, and Seth will play Happy, the slacking womanizer, leaving none other than myself to play Linda. What can I say, it sucks being the new guy.
Why?: Depending on the outcome of Evans/Davis of course, this one needs to happen because 2011 was shockingly absent of, as Rampage would put it, “some black on black crime.” For reals though, if the rivalry between these two was great enough to create a rift in the almighty Team Jackson, then it’s definitely a fight worth seeing.
Why?: Because we need to end this whole “Face of Women’s MMA” debate. And since Ms. Carano seems reluctant to return to the cage, we’d be satisfied if this fight took place at a training facility, in the form of a dance off, or preferably, after a heated game of lingerie SCRABBLE.
Why?: Sorry Carlos, but THIS is the match that MMA fans have been clamoring for. It’s a classic battle of Good vs. Evil, Wealthy vs. Homeless, and Completely Incoherent vs. Sort of Incoherent. And now that one huge PPV draw has moved on to greener, chicken salad filled pastures, this fight would provide a much needed boost in the upcoming lineup, which is a bit stagnant, to be honest.
#1 – Anderson Silva vs. JJ, GSP, JDS…
Why?: Because we NEED an Anderson Silva supermatch. We don’t care who it’s against, we really just need to see Silva step outside of the 185 pound division to fight someone who has more than a Hail Mary’s chance in Hell of beating him. The man is the clean shaven, smirking face of domination, and it’s about time that he showed someone other than Justin Bieber that he can shuck and jive with anyone, and we mean ANYONE, placed before him. Make it happen, DW.
Give us your top five in the comments section below.
