(How many times do I have to tell you people this? I HAVE COMMITMENT ISSUES!)
My grandfather always told me “Believe half of what you see and none of what you hear,” a statement that would in turn lead to a lifetime’s worth of cynicism. So perhaps it’s just my general misanthropy rearing its ugly head, but when former UFC heavyweight champ Brock Lesnar released a video last night declaring that he was “never coming back” to the WWE, I was a bit skeptical. After all, Lesnar just returned to the promotion in April, and I may not follow the WWE anymore, but I’m pretty sure that Vince McMahon doesn’t hand out many five month contracts. For Christ’s sake, isn’t Ric Flair’s decomposing corpse still fighting for a retirement check that will never come?
Anyway, Lesnar released the video that awaits you after the jump, stating:
I came here and I accomplished everything that I said I was going to do. There’s nothing left for me here to conquer. I’m leaving the WWE and I’m never coming back.
(How many times do I have to tell you people this? I HAVE COMMITMENT ISSUES!)
My grandfather always told me “Believe half of what you see and none of what you hear,” a statement that would in turn lead to a lifetime’s worth of cynicism. So perhaps it’s just my general misanthropy rearing its ugly head, but when former UFC heavyweight champ Brock Lesnar released a video last night declaring that he was “never coming back” to the WWE, I was a bit skeptical. After all, Lesnar just returned to the promotion in April, and I may not follow the WWE anymore, but I’m pretty sure that Vince McMahon doesn’t hand out many five month contracts. For Christ’s sake, isn’t Ric Flair’s decomposing corpse still fighting for a retirement check that will never come?
Anyway, Lesnar released the video that awaits you after the jump, stating:
I came here and I accomplished everything that I said I was going to do. There’s nothing left for me here to conquer. I’m leaving the WWE and I’m never coming back.
Typical to Lesnar’s character, his message was succinct and to the point. Atypical of Lesnar, however, was his ability to string two sentences together without mentioning chicken salad or chicken shit.
Before you even mention it (although you undoubtedly will), I get it, Lesnar is no longer of our concern, wrestling is gay, etc. And in a way, I agree with you, homophobic notions aside of course. I haven’t watched a professional wrestling match since I was in 7th grade aside from the occasional Youtube tribute to the Stone Cold Stunner, and whatever Lesnar decides to do with his career from this point on is completely up to him. But to act as if there is no crossover between MMA and professional wrestling is blindingly ignorant, and there is little denying that Lesnar is one of the most polarizing, not to mention diverse, figures in both worlds. He converted legions of fans over to the world of MMA, and retired from the sport almost as quickly as he made an impact on it. Following the path of his career may seem as frivolous as following Gina Carano’s these days, but I don’t think we should completely turn our back on anyone who has done as much for the sport as either of those two have.
According to an article by Bleacher Report, however, which broke down last weekend’s Summerslam event, the main event bout between Lesnar and “rival” Triple H was basically a shitshow. Marred by inactivity and repetition, not to mention Lesnar breaking Triple H’s arm with a kimuraagain, author Tim Keeney called for an end to the feud once and for all. This could be just a case of a kneejerk overreaction to an event that failed to live up to the hype, or it could be an honest assessment of how quickly Lesnar’s flame has burned out in the WWE. Lesnar retired at the exact moment he became aware of his fleeting relevance in the UFC, and this video seems to be an acknowledgement of a similar mindset regarding his career in professional wrestling. But perhaps I am just reading too far into things.
This leads me to ask: Has Lesnar truly reached the end of the road as far as his sporting career is concerned, or is this just another ploy by the WWE to boost his popularity? Or will we see Lesnar attempt to recapture NFL glory next?
Of all the seasons of The Ultimate Fighterto have produced upper-echelon fighters and title challengers at 155 lbs., who would’ve guessed that the season that coined the phrase “Wang and Bang” would one day rule them all? Not only is Nate Diaz next in line for a shot at Ben Henderson, but former title challenger Gray Maynard has just been booked to take on perennial contender Joe Lauzon in a battle that will easily launch the victor onto the short list of contenders at lightweight.
After spending the entirety of 2011 feuding with former lightweight champion Frankie Edgar, which ended in his first career defeat, Maynard recently bounced back into the win column with a controversial split decision win over Clay Guida in the main event of UFC on FX 4. Although Maynard was thoroughly out-hustled for the majority of the fight, the significance of his offense in the latter rounds combined with Guida’s lack thereof was enough to earn him the nod.
Maynard will be facing the always entertaining Lauzon, who is currently 3-2 in his past five and most recently scored a third round triangle submission victory against former WEC champion Jamie Varner in their classic scrap at UFC on FOX 4. Lauzon has struggled in the past when facing top contenders, having dropped fights to Kenny Florian and Anthony Pettis in the past, but has also finished his opponents in all 22 of his victories. And although his cardio looked the best against Varner that it arguably ever has, there is no doubt that Maynard’s experience in the championship rounds will pay huge dividends if Lauzon isn’t able to put him away earlier.
After the jump: An update on Matt Hamill’s return to the octagon. Spoiler: His opponent just got a lot tougher.
Of all the seasons of The Ultimate Fighterto have produced upper-echelon fighters and title challengers at 155 lbs., who would’ve guessed that the season that coined the phrase “Wang and Bang” would one day rule them all? Not only is Nate Diaz next in line for a shot at Ben Henderson, but former title challenger Gray Maynard has just been booked to take on perennial contender Joe Lauzon in a battle that will easily launch the victor onto the short list of contenders at lightweight.
After spending the entirety of 2011 feuding with former lightweight champion Frankie Edgar, which ended in his first career defeat, Maynard recently bounced back into the win column with a controversial split decision win over Clay Guida in the main event of UFC on FX 4. Although Maynard was thoroughly out-hustled for the majority of the fight, the significance of his offense in the latter rounds combined with Guida’s lack thereof was enough to earn him the nod.
Maynard will be facing the always entertaining Lauzon, who is currently 3-2 in his past five and most recently scored a third round triangle submission victory against former WEC champion Jamie Varner in their classic scrap at UFC on FOX 4. Lauzon has struggled in the past when facing top contenders, having dropped fights to Kenny Florian and Anthony Pettis in the past, but has also finished his opponents in all 22 of his victories. And although his cardio looked the best against Varner that it arguably ever has, there is no doubt that Maynard’s experience in the championship rounds will pay huge dividends if Lauzon isn’t able to put him away earlier.
Speaking of Varner, Matt Hamill recently pulled a similar maneuver as the former WEC champ by un-retiring and agreeing to face Bellator veteran Roger Hollett at UFC 152. However, word broke earlier today that Hollett had suffered an undisclosed injury forcing him out of the contest, and stepping in for Hollett would be none other than former IFL champion Vladimir Matyushenko.
The two share a lot of similarities beyond their extensive wrestling background, the first of which being that neither Hamill or “The Janitor” have fought since running into the one way pain train that is Alexander Gustafsson at UFC 133 and 141, respectively. Hamill’s beatdown was so bad that it led him to retire in the first place, whereas Matyushenko simply suffered from a bad case of attempting to block Gustafsson’s punches with his face.
Luckily, I’ve managed to find some decent quality highlights from both men’s fights with Gustafsson below, and added them below. Enjoy, and let us know who you think takes this one.
Hamill vs. Gustafsson
Matyushenko vs. Gustafsson (highlights start at the 1:10 mark)
(Subtract the fire extinguisher and a pair of trousers and this is basically what happened.)
No one really knew what to say when news broke that Jason “Mayhem” Miller was arrested in an Orange County church after breaking in, stripping down, destroying the place, and showering the remains in fire extinguisher retardant. They may make pamphlets to tell us if our little Johnny is high, but they sure as shit don’t make them for that situation, and our apathy/confusion toward the news reflected this. Miller had found his way to the blotter before, but this arrest was simply too bizarre to take in all at once. If Rampage Jackson was an episode of World’s Wildest Police Chases, Mayhem was an entire season of Reno 911. Specifically, the episodes featuring Terry.
There was also the fact that we were still digesting the bowlful of crazy that Miller had spewed at Dana White just days before, which truly raised some eyebrows in regards to Miller’s general well being. He had made his history of mental issues public knowledge before, and many of us assumed that it was likely these problems rearing their ugly heads once again when he was arrested. But according to Miller, who released a statement today to address our concerns following his release last week, declared that “everything is fine.” Granted, he also said the same thing to DW just days before his arrest, so take this with a grain of salt. Miller released the following via his Facebook and Twitter.
(Subtract the fire extinguisher and a pair of trousers and this is basically what happened.)
No one really knew what to say when news broke that Jason “Mayhem” Miller was arrested in an Orange County church after breaking in, stripping down, destroying the place, and showering the remains in fire extinguisher retardant. They may make pamphlets to tell us if our little Johnny is high, but they sure as shit don’t make them for that situation, and our apathy/confusion toward the news reflected this. Miller had found his way to the blotter before, but this arrest was simply too bizarre to take in all at once. If Rampage Jackson was an episode of World’s Wildest Police Chases, Mayhem was an entire season of Reno 911. Specifically, the episodes featuring Terry.
There was also the fact that we were still digesting the bowlful of crazy that Miller had spewed at Dana White just days before, which truly raised some eyebrows in regards to Miller’s general well being. He had made his history of mental issues public knowledge before, and many of us assumed that it was likely these problems rearing their ugly heads once again when he was arrested. But according to Miller, who released a statement today to address our concerns following his release last week, declared that “everything is fine.” Granted, he also said the same thing to DW just days before his arrest, so take this with a grain of salt. Miller released the following via his Facebook and Twitter:
Facebook: I know you all are probably very confused about me right now, and concerned for my well being. I thank you for that, and please unnastand (sic) that everything is fine, and will probably make a lot more sense as time passes. Love you all.
He took to Twitter shortly after making these remarks:
Twitter: (It was) not a cry for attention, personal glory, or monetary gain. I did that in my time fighting for the UFC and have come to see I was wrong.
I am safe, with people that love me, and hope that you will join me. If I ever hurt anyone, I am sorry.
Although Miller didn’t discuss what led him to do what he did, it’s good to know that Miller is at least surrounding himself with the right people to help him pull through whatever state he is currently in. Mental disease is no joke, unless you’re faking it to win the Special Olympics of course, in which case it is hilarious.
We will have more on this story as the information is made available. In the mean time, send Mayhem your best over his Twitter or Facebook. If you don’t have either of those things, I don’t know, send him a letter maybe?
Last weekend’s Strikeforce: Rousey vs. Kaufman card was easily one of the most entertaining top-to-bottom cards in recent memory, providing us with a lightning quick (also, completely predictable) finish in the main event and an even quicker knockout in the co-main. But as is typical for a Strikeforce event, the night was not without controversy and a few judgmental errors. Herb Dean went completely against character when he botched the call in the Adlan Amagov/Keith Barry fight, and the decision to place former title challenger Meisha Tate’s comeback bout against Julie Kedzie on the prelims was nothing short of baffling.
But greater than witnessing Ronda Rousey‘s sixth straight first round armbar, greater even than OSP’s one-punch knockout of T.J. Cook, was that of referee Mike Beltran’s epic mustache. An “epistache” if you will. Why Beltran decided to become a referee instead of claiming his place atop the Whisker Warspodium is beyond us, but his hard work and dedication can not and will not be overlooked by us here at CagePotato. So join us after the jump for a brief GIF tribute to Beltran’s glorious stache, along with several gifs from the night’s fights, courtesy of the UG.
(Beltran, as re-imagined by Sega.)
Last weekend’s Strikeforce: Rousey vs. Kaufman card was easily one of the most entertaining top-to-bottom cards in recent memory, providing us with a lightning quick (also, completely predictable) finish in the main event and an even quicker knockout in the co-main. But as is typical for a Strikeforce event, the night was not without controversy and a few judgmental errors. Herb Dean went completely against character when he botched the call in the Adlan Amagov/Keith Barry fight, and the decision to place former title challenger Meisha Tate’s comeback bout against Julie Kedzie on the prelims was nothing short of baffling.
But greater than witnessing Ronda Rousey‘s sixth straight first round armbar, greater even than OSP’s one-punch knockout of T.J. Cook, was that of referee Mike Beltran’s epic mustache. An “epistache” if you will. Why Beltran decided to become a referee instead of claiming his place atop the Whisker Warspodium is beyond us, but his hard work and dedication can not and will not be overlooked by us here at CagePotato. So join us after the jump for a brief GIF tribute to Beltran’s glorious stache, along with several gifs from the night’s fights, courtesy of the UG.
(Oddly enough, Beltran gave Germaine de Randamie more time to recover from a groin shot than he did T.J. Cook. DO NOT QUESTION THE STACHE!)
Say what you want about how Griffin has looked in the octagon as of late (Seriously, do it. Here are a few adjective suggestions: sluggish, apathetic, hairy, manic-depressive), but even we couldn’t have seen this coming. When it was announced a few days ago that Sonnen would making his return to 205 lbs at UFC 155 against FoGriff after being tarred and feathered coming up short in his rematch with Anderson Silva, we expected that he would open as a small favorite with the former Light Heavyweight champ, if not even. Despite Griffin’s aforementioned lack of firepower lately, especially considering he was riding the TRT train for his last bout, Forrest is pretty massive for a light heavyweight, and you know, already beat Sonnen once before. There is also the fact that Sonnen’s last fight in the UFC at light heavyweight ended in submission (you know which one), and that Griffin managed to catch him with that exact same submission in their first, etc…
In either case, we were dead wrong.
Currently, BestFightOdds has Sonnen listed at an even -300 over Griffin, which must be based entirely on their respective performances against Anderson Silva, with Sonnen lasting roughly six and a half rounds and Griffin lasting roughly three and a half minutes. But those were a long three and a half minutes, you guys, like watching the puppy you got for Christmas fall through the ice in your Grandma’s pond and drown in slow motion…on that very same Christmas.
Needless to say, if this blatant disrespect doesn’t light a fire under Griffin’s ass, nothing will. We feel like we’ve typed that a lot lately.
Is that line as bad as we’re making it out to be? Join us after the jump for a good old fashioned head-to-head breakdown to see if our outrage is justified.
(Just bide your time, Chael, he’s gonna walk right into that kneebar any second now.)
Say what you want about how Griffin has looked in the octagon as of late (Seriously, do it. Here are a few adjective suggestions: sluggish, apathetic, hairy, manic-depressive), but even we couldn’t have seen this coming. When it was announced a few days ago that Sonnen would making his return to 205 lbs at UFC 155 against FoGriff after being tarred and feathered coming up short in his rematch with Anderson Silva, we expected that he would open as a small favorite with the former Light Heavyweight champ, if not even. Despite Griffin’s aforementioned lack of firepower lately, especially considering he was riding the TRT train for his last bout, Forrest is pretty massive for a light heavyweight, and you know, already beat Sonnen once before. There is also the fact that Sonnen’s last fight in the UFC at light heavyweight ended in submission (you know which one), and that Griffin managed to catch him with that exact same submission in their first, etc…
In either case, we were dead wrong.
Currently, BestFightOdds has Sonnen listed at an even -300 over Griffin, which must be based entirely on their respective performances against Anderson Silva, with Sonnen lasting roughly six and a half rounds and Griffin lasting roughly three and a half minutes. But those were a long three and a half minutes, you guys, like watching the puppy you got for Christmas fall through the ice in your Grandma’s pond and drown in slow motion…on that very same Christmas.
Needless to say, if this blatant disrespect doesn’t light a fire under Griffin’s ass, nothing will. We feel like we’ve typed that a lot lately.
Is that line as bad as we’re making it out to be? Join us after the jump for a good old fashioned head-to-head breakdown to see if our outrage is justified.
AGE
Griffin: 33 (but a nearing retirement 33)
Sonnen: 35
Advantage: Somehow Sonnen
SIZE
Griffin: 6’3″, 77 inch reach, walks around at 240 lbs
Sonnen: 6’1″, 74 inch reach, walked around at 205lbs 24 hours before fights at middleweight
Advantage: Griffin by an entire Wendy’s menu
LAST TWO FIGHTS RESULTED IN
Griffin: 1st round KO loss to Mauricio Rua, razor-thin SD win over Tito Ortiz
Sonnen: Razor-thin UD win over Michael Bisping, 2nd round TKO loss to Anderson Silva
Advantage: Sonnen, we guess
REMATCH RECORD
Griffin: 3-1
Sonnen: 3-3
Advantage: Griffin
FINISHING RATIO
Griffin: 52.6% (10 finishes in 19 victories)
Sonnen: 40.7% (11 finishes in 27 victories)
Advantage: Griffin
Disadvantage: The fans
SALARY
Griffin: $125,000 to show
Sonnen: $50,000 to show
Advantage: Griffin
CAREER ACCOMPLISHMENTS
Griffin: Won inaugural season of The Ultimate Fighter in arguably the greatest MMA fight of all time. Defeated Quinton Jackson when he was still relevant to become UFC Light Heavyweight Champion. Four time “Fight of the Night” winner and two time “Submission of the Night Winner”.
Sonnen: NCAA Division 1 All American. Defeated Paulo Filho at the exact moment he became irrelevant to unofficially win WEC Light Heavyweight Championship. Two time “Fight of the Night” winner. Headlined the highest live gate for a UFC event in the promotion’s history.
Advantage: Griffin, via accomplishments in the form of a belt
BOOK TITLES
Griffin: Be Ready When The Shit Goes Down: A Survival Guide to the Apocalypse and Got Fight?: 50 Zen Principles of Hand-to-Face Combat
Sonnen: The Voice of Reason: A VIP Pass to Enlightenment
Advantage: Sonnen via arrogance
WHO WORE TRT BETTER AT UFC 148
Griffin: Looked sloppy and spent by the third round, then decided to storm out of the cage shortly thereafter despite the fact that he had won
Sonnen: Managed to dominate Silva in the first round, then committed the biggest mental error of his career in the second
Advantage: Sonnen
ARREST RECORD
Griffin: None to our knowledge
Sonnen: Pled guilty to money laundering (don’t you dare call it mortgage fraud!!) and received two years probation and a $10,000 fine.
Advantage: Griffin
TWITTER PERSONA
Griffin: Rape advocate
Sonnen: Master Troller
Advantage: Sonnen
PREDICTION: Based on these completely valid, scientifically proven points, Griffin will keep Sonnen at a distance with his jab and defend just enough take downs to eek out a Split Decision victory.
(I don’t always accuse Hector Lombard of using steroids, but when I do, I make this face.)
Potato Nation, I feel like I should say something in regards to Michael Bisping, because it seems that every time we poke fun at the bloke, a few of you get all butt hurt and call us wankers or poofters before begging your mothers to kiss the wound and make it all better. You claim that we are biased against British people, and though we have every right to be, this is simply not the case.
So here’s the deal; I personally have nothing against you Brits. I find your accents to be glorious, dignified, and far more soothing on the ear to than the slack jawed “wickid aaawesomes” New England has to offer. I love the The Inbetweeners, Samuel Smith’s Nut Brown Ale, Ricky Gervais, and a platter of Bangers and Mash as much as the rest of you probably do, if not more. As a matter of fact, I don’t even hate Michael Bisping. Sure, the guy is a dick by all accounts, but I can’t really claim to hate someone that I’ve never met before. I’m simply not that cynical, and I’m sure the same goes for my fellow writers. But this is CagePotato. We make jokes here. And we just happen to enjoy targeting guys like Bisping, Josh Koscheck, fat BJ Penn, and Dana White, because we enjoy picking the lowest hanging fruit. We good now? Alright, let’s move on.
The reason I give this disclaimer is due to the fact that Bisping recently sat down with Mauro Ranallo for a lengthy interview a month out from his UFC 152 fight with “All American” Brian Stann. We know, you’re thinking we’re going to set him up for a punchline here, but that is not the case today. Everything from the current injury curse to Hector Lombard’s dud of a debut was discussed, but it was when they came to the issue of TRT that Bisping actually made an argument that we could get behind. Our buddies over at MiddleEasy shared our concern. Granted, Bisping had to reduce most of his argument to the crudest terms available, but that doesn’t make it wrong:
I think it’s absolute nonsense, rubbish, bullshit. Listen, we all get old, we all grow up, you know? At some point, as you start getting older, your balls don’t work as well and you don’t make as much testosterone, but, that’s life and you deal with it. A guy that is 40-years old doesn’t make as much testosterone as a 21-year old so he gets an exemption certificate to say, ‘So now we will give him as much testosterone as a 21-year old.’ Well, what about me, I’m 33 (years of age), I’m not making the same amount as a 21-year old, but I make more than a 40-year old.
Where do we draw the line? It’s nonsense.
After the jump: The full interview, wherein Bisping accuses Lombard of steroid use, calls Mark Munoz fat, and says he’s “gonna knock the fucker out” when discussing Stann. And the world returned to normal.
(I don’t always accuse Hector Lombard of using steroids, but when I do, I make this face.)
Potato Nation, I feel like I should say something in regards to Michael Bisping, because it seems that every time we poke fun at the bloke, a few of you get all butt hurt and call us wankers or poofters before begging your mothers to kiss the wound and make it all better. You claim that we are biased against British people, and though we have every right to be, this is simply not the case.
So here’s the deal; I personally have nothing against you Brits. I find your accents to be glorious, dignified, and far more soothing on the ear to than the slack jawed “wickid aaawesomes” New England has to offer. I love the The Inbetweeners, Samuel Smith’s Nut Brown Ale, Ricky Gervais, and a platter of Bangers and Mash as much as the rest of you probably do, if not more. As a matter of fact, I don’t even hate Michael Bisping. Sure, the guy is a dick by all accounts, but I can’t really claim to hate someone that I’ve never met before. I’m simply not that cynical, and I’m sure the same goes for my fellow writers. But this is CagePotato. We make jokes here. And we just happen to enjoy targeting guys like Bisping, Josh Koscheck, fat BJ Penn, and Dana White, because we enjoy picking the lowest hanging fruit. We good now? Alright, let’s move on.
The reason I give this disclaimer is due to the fact that Bisping recently sat down with Mauro Ranallo for a lengthy interview a month out from his UFC 152 fight with “All American” Brian Stann. We know, you’re thinking we’re going to set him up for a punchline here, but that is not the case today. Everything from the current injury curse to Hector Lombard’s dud of a debut was discussed, but it was when they came to the issue of TRT that Bisping actually made an argument that we could get behind. Our buddies over at MiddleEasy shared our concern. Granted, Bisping had to reduce most of his argument to the crudest terms available, but that doesn’t make it wrong:
I think it’s absolute nonsense, rubbish, bullshit. Listen, we all get old, we all grow up, you know? At some point, as you start getting older, your balls don’t work as well and you don’t make as much testosterone, but, that’s life and you deal with it. A guy that is 40-years old doesn’t make as much testosterone as a 21-year old so he gets an exemption certificate to say, ‘So now we will give him as much testosterone as a 21-year old.’ Well, what about me, I’m 33 (years of age), I’m not making the same amount as a 21-year old, but I make more than a 40-year old.
Where do we draw the line? It’s nonsense.
Bisping continued:
Listen, nature determines that and I don’t think we should interfere with that. I think it’s cheating very, very well, it’s dressed up. Its nonsense, its absolute bullshit and I, for one, am very, very against it. I would never ever do that. I am who I am and I’ve done well doing what I do.
We’re not going to ask you to delve any further into your opinions regarding TRT, because it somehow already feels like old news despite the relatively short period that mainstream society has been aware of it. But suffice it to say, Bisping is spot-on here, and I feel like I’m going to be sick for writing that. Like my world is tearing apart at the seems.
A few more highlights from the interview:
On Brian Stann: “He seems like a great guy. He does. From a personal level, I haven’t got anything against the guy.”
Mauro: “Does that bother you?”
“Yeah, it does a little bit. I’d prefer to give him some shit. I like it when I don’t like them…people say ‘Oh, you don’t want to get thrown off your game. Don’t let it get to you, because it gets you mad and it gets you angry and throws you off your game.’ For me, that’s the best thing you can do to me. I’m an emotional guy. When I’m mad and pissed off, I’m three times more of a handful…it’s like the woman lifting the car off the baby. Get me mad and I’m like that.”
On Training: “I love to fight. My favorite part of training is sparring, that’s all I do all day every day. I don’t wear a head guard. I don’t need to; I don’t get hit. Simple as that. Look at this face. Does it look like a man that’s taken many punches? Come on, sortyouselfoutmaro (one word). I don’t wear a head guard, ’cause I don’t fuckin’ need to! I shouldn’t swear so much, sorry.”
On his general dickishness and how it affects his marketability(Author’s note: See! We weren’t making it up!): “I’ve always been like that, to be honest. I’ve always had too much to say. I’m always trying to have a laugh and be funny and all the rest of it or maybe too opinionated…I make mistakes, I know I do, and I just try not to make the same mistakes twice.” (Note: Don’t worry, Michael, just look into your mirror each morning and say these inspirational words. That’s how we get by.)
