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Don’t Worry, We Can Look Forward to Plenty of Bickering on This Season of TUF

(Dana White only has three looks: The “Life is Good”, The “Bouncer”, and the “Fuck You and the Horse You Crushed With Your Obesity”, displayed here.)

If there of any of you left who haven’t grown tired of the, for lack of a better word, tiresome formula that The Ultimate Fighter has devolved into over the years, which is to say, fighters argue–>training montage–>coaches argue–>fighters argue–>actual fight, then boy do we have good news for you. Not only are you going to be treated to the verbal back-and-forth of one Roy Nelson and one Shane Carwin throughout the season, you are more than likely going to see “Big Country” and UFC President Dana White at each others throats as well, as both men have basically been taking a fat steaming dump on the others chests via various MMA media outlets lately. Metaphorically, of course.

TUF 16, which is set to debut on September 14th on FX (yep, that’s a Friday), will showcase 32 welterweights attempting to battle their way to the next interim championship of the world, but it seems the real firefight will be between Nelson and White, who just can’t seem to get along on anything. Take for instance, the TUF 10 winner’s recent interview with MMAJunkie, where he basically calls Dana a lying wannabe fighter:

[The onset tension is] probably because he wants to be a fighter, and he’s not. I think we were talking about coaching or something like that, and [White’s] not a coach. There’s an understanding of being a fighter, and I don’t think he understands.

I’m always at the back of the bus when it comes to the UFC. I’m just trying to further MMA to the next level, hold journalism up to higher standards, holding fights to higher standards, holding promotions to higher standards, holding athletic commissions to higher standards, and even holding the fans to higher standards.

You never know with Dana. Dana will tell you guys one thing, and then five minutes later tell you another. Last week, ‘Shogun’ and Brandon Vera were fighting for the title, and now all of the sudden, Machida and Ryan Bader are, too. Next thing you know, he’s going to say Randy Couture gets the next title shot when he comes back.

(Dana White only has three looks: The “Life is Good”, The “Bouncer”, and the “Fuck You and the Horse You Crushed With Your Obesity”, displayed here.)

[The onset tension is] probably because he wants to be a fighter, and he’s not. I think we were talking about coaching or something like that, and [White’s] not a coach. There’s an understanding of being a fighter, and I don’t think he understands.

I’m always at the back of the bus when it comes to the UFC. I’m just trying to further MMA to the next level, hold journalism up to higher standards, holding fights to higher standards, holding promotions to higher standards, holding athletic commissions to higher standards, and even holding the fans to higher standards.

You never know with Dana. Dana will tell you guys one thing, and then five minutes later tell you another. Last week, ‘Shogun’ and Brandon Vera were fighting for the title, and now all of the sudden, Machida and Ryan Bader are, too. Next thing you know, he’s going to say Randy Couture gets the next title shot when he comes back.

Woah, woah, there Roy, put on the brakes for a second. Now, where some of what you are saying undoubtedly rings true (because Couture did fight for the title when he came back last time, remember?), we fail to see how really any aspect of your career falls into the “higher standards” you are describing. Aren’t you the guy who refuses to lose the weight he clearly should because of a stupid gimmick? The guy who was only willing to consider it if you got a bunch of friend requests of Facebook? Making fun of your boss to his face is something that not many of us are able to do, so please spare us the vague justification for doing so and just admit that you and Dana don’t get along.

And besides, White’s problems with Nelson, not unlike his problems with Jason Miller, seem to come out of his desire to see fighters take their living seriously (at least in my opinion). Nelson’s belly rubbing, Burger King-eating antics don’t really come across as that, no matter how good or entertaining of a fighter he is. But aside from the constant stream of ham wrapped donuts and mayonnaise going into Nelson’s mouth, it is apparently the stuff coming out of it that really irks The Baldfather, who lamented his issues with Nelson following the UFC 150 post-fight press conference:

Him saying sh*t like that goes along with what I said about the stupid sh*t that comes out of this guy’s mouth. The difference is I have to hear it three days a week. When he fights randomly three times a year, I have to hear it in small spurts. Now I’ve got to listen to dumb sh*t three days a week.

Do you think that going into this that I didn’t think Roy Nelson was going to annoy the sh*t out of me? I mean, that’s what he does – he’s annoying. He’s annoying, and the stuff that comes out of his mouth makes no sense. He’s Roy Nelson, that’s why.

Understandable, Dana, but this only leads us to ask once more why the UFC decided upon the Nelson/Carwin pairing over the Griffin/Bonnar pairing for this season, especially considering that way more people would appear to be interested in the latter matchup. Or is this drama simply being fabricated in order to hype us up for another season of fabricated drama? Is this season a reality show inside another reality show? If a fighter loses this season, does he end up in limbo? Hold on, my nose is bleeding again.

In either case, let’s just hope that the shenanigans of Pat Barry can help elevate this season from the stagnant pond water that was TUF Live. Tune in on September 14th to find out. Or don’t, we don’t care.

–J. Jones

[VIDEO] Just TRY and Watch This UFC 151 Promo Without Blowing a Gasket

Not to come off sounding like a bunch of know-it-alls, but we’re pretty sure we’ve figured out the formula to make the perfect trailer for any upcoming UFC event. It’s simple really:

1. Pick out the best highlights of the champion destroying his former opponents, preferably in slow-mo

2. Insert Joe Rogan quote, something about said champ being “untouchable” or “the greatest”

3. Fade in “Lux Aeterna” by Clint Mansell, usually the orchestral Lord of the Rings version

4. BIG, BOLD TEXT DECLARING THAT THE CHALLENGER IS AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT BREED OF ANIMAL

5. As the song enters its second half, cut to several clips of the challenger destroying his former opponents, now in real or even sped up time.

6. Mike Goldberg yelling “Oh my” or “It is all over!”

7. Close on a dramatic, sudden cut to the event text/details.

The marketing department behind the UFC 151 promo clearly adhered to this formula, resulting in a trailer that will undoubtedly get your panties, your wife’s panties, and your slutty mistresses crotchless panties all bunched up in anticipation for the blood-soaked throwdown that will be Jones vs. Henderson on September 1st.

Check it out after the jump.

Not to come off sounding like a bunch of know-it-alls, but we’re pretty sure we’ve figured out the formula to make the perfect trailer for any upcoming UFC event. It’s simple really:

1. Pick out the best highlights of the champion destroying his former opponents, preferably in slow-mo

2. Insert Joe Rogan quote, something about said champ being “untouchable” or “the greatest”

3. Fade in “Lux Aeterna” by Clint Mansell, usually the orchestral Lord of the Rings version

4. BIG, BOLD TEXT DECLARING THAT THE CHALLENGER IS AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT BREED OF ANIMAL

5. As the song enters its second half, cut to several clips of the challenger destroying his former opponents, now in real or even sped up time.

6. Mike Goldberg yelling “Oh my” or “It is all over!”

7. Close on a dramatic, sudden cut to the event text/details.

Check it out below.

Seemingly not content with the plethora of awesome knockouts and background music that makes you want to grab your ten closest friends and go drive-by hardcore dancing, the editor of the trailer opted to dub over a Hendo scream at the 52 second mark (which was likely inaudible when he originally did it) with the roar of the shark in Jaws 4. Although the sound was completely off-putting in both instances, it was easily more successful here.

But the question still remains: Will Hendo be able to land one of his patented H-bombs, or will Bones’ dominance continue?

We’re just a couple weeks away from finding out.

–J. Jones

Jason Miller Goes Full-On Bath Salts, Arrested in Orange County Church During Naked Tirade [UPDATED With Mugshot]

(Nice job, Jason, you’ve gone and gotten yourself fired again, you idiot. Calm down, just calm down…you’ve talked your way out of worse than this, you just gotta think. How to stay relevant, how to stay relevant…OK, it has to be something REALLY out there, you know, something that will totally live up to your zany personality and at the least get you another pilot on MTV…fucking Bisping and his fire extinguishers ruined everything for us…come on, we’ve got to FOCUS!!….Wait…fire extinguishers…….Mayhem, you cheeky bastard, you’ve done it again.)

Update: Miller’s booking photo is now at the bottom of this post, via TMZ. He looks pretty good, considering.

Well this is surprising.

Just days after urging Dana White to commit suicide, dubbing himself “A warrior for peace and ultimate fighter for justice” and bragging about how he was “happier than I have ever been,” it appears that TUF 14 coach and Bully Beatdown host Jason Miller has been arrested. Again. In a church in Mission Viejo. Naked.

Apparently Miller’s newfound “energy” is fueled by either bath salts or peyote and a touch of the crazy. In either case, we fail to see how this defines putting said energy into “the right things.” Here’s what went down according to TMZ:

Law enforcement sources tell TMZ, the O.C. Sheriff’s Office received a call early this morning from the Mission Hills Church in Mission Viejo about a possible burglary in progress.

When the deputies arrived, we’re told they found the first and second floors covered in white fire extinguisher spray. Cops say the place was also trashed — scattered CDs, books, and broken pictures.

When officers reached the second floor, we’re told they found Miller naked on some couch — totally awake and coherent. It’s unclear if Miller was under the influence.

A note to all you haters of Michael Bisping: “The Count” doesn’t always prank you, but when he does, it emotionally traumatizes you for life. And Mayhem just got Scott Tenorman’d.

Update: Miller’s booking photo is now at the bottom of this post, via TMZ. He looks pretty good, considering.

Well this is surprising.

Law enforcement sources tell TMZ, the O.C. Sheriff’s Office received a call early this morning from the Mission Hills Church in Mission Viejo about a possible burglary in progress.

When the deputies arrived, we’re told they found the first and second floors covered in white fire extinguisher spray. Cops say the place was also trashed — scattered CDs, books, and broken pictures.

When officers reached the second floor, we’re told they found Miller naked on some couch — totally awake and coherent. It’s unclear if Miller was under the influence.

A note to all you haters of Michael Bisping: “The Count” doesn’t always prank you, but when he does, it emotionally traumatizes you for life. And Mayhem just got Scott Tenorman’d.

As Dana White said in his post UFC 150 interview, Mayhem is clearly not in a good place right now, no matter how hard he tries to convince us that he is. Ever since he was fired from the UFC following a backstage freakout, which in turn followed a pair of dismal performances, Miller has likely been the target of an insult or two in person, as well as a few million over the Interwebs. And although I have absolutely no idea what it is like to fail, I would recommend that Mayhem spends a little time away from the computer if he wants to come out of this depressive state he is in alive. A public figure is always going to have his haters, but it appears that Mayhem is letting them get under his skin to disastrous effect. That, or he is just f*cking crazy.

Anyway, it’s not like he’ll have a say in the matter in the immediate future, as I’m pretty sure that most prisons don’t provide internet access in their holding cells. In fact, that was reason #534 that Floyd Mayweather needed an early release if I remember correctly.

But seriously, we all just hope Miller is able to come out of this embarrassing situation with a better mindset, although it’s hard to see how.

We will have more on this story as it develops.

–J. Jones

Junior Dos Santos vs. Cain Velasquez II Officially Booked for December 29th

(Unfortunately, Ishanguly Meretnyyazov was the referee for this bout, and Velasquez ended up winning 13-11 on points.)

Sorry, Alistair, it looks like you’ll just have to wait your turn.

In an interview with MMAFighting’s Ariel Helwani that followed the UFC 150 post-fight press conference, Dana White was asked to answer a series of questions with simple “yes” or “no” answers. And although it seemed implausible that The Baldfather could ever go more than thirty seconds without uttering a certain curse word, he kindly obliged Helwani and spilled the beans in regards to several big questions currently circulating in the MMA world. Simply put, bullshit was cut through in record time.

And among the questions present in the back of Ariel’s (and everyone’s) mind was that of heavyweight champion Junior Dos Santos and who would be the next man to ~~get viciously mauled to death~~ ~~bravely sacrifice himself for the good of The Colony~~ “challenge” him for the title. To put it in the words of DW: Overeem – No, Velasquez – Yes. Although an event has yet to be named, White said in a seperate interview that the pair would likely collide on the annually stacked New Year’s Eve card, also known as the card that Overeem will totally be fighting on.

After the jump: A full video interview, which details everything from the future of the BJ Penn/Rory MacDonald match to the specifics of Jon Jones’ Nike deal, and more.

(Unfortunately, Ishanguly Meretnyyazov was the referee for this bout, and Velasquez ended up winning 13-11 on points.)

Sorry, Alistair, it looks like you’ll just have to wait your turn.

And among the questions present in the back of Ariel’s (and everyone’s) mind was that of heavyweight champion Junior Dos Santos and who would be the next man to ~~get viciously mauled to death~~ ~~bravely sacrifice himself for the good of The Colony~~ ”challenge” him for the title. To put it in the words of DW: Overeem – No, Velasquez – Yes. Although an event has yet to be named, White said in a separate interview that the pair would likely collide on the annually stacked New Year’s Eve card, also known as the card that Overeem will totally be fighting on.

After the jump: A full video interview, which details everything from the future of the BJ Penn/Rory MacDonald match to the specifics of Jon Jones’ Nike deal, and more.

(Shit gets real at the 4:47 mark.)

It’s hard to see why Ariel wins more MMA journalism awards than Uwe Boll does Razzies, as he managed to extract more information out of White in ten seconds than our intern Frederick has done in two years (we told him that if he resolved our situation with Dana, we’d hire him, and we haven’t seen him since). Here’s a brief rundown:

– BJ Penn vs. Rory MacDonald is still happening, likely as a co-main event on UFC on FOX 5.

– Jon Jones will be donning head-to-toe Nike gear for his entrance at UFC 151. Thankfully, we can’t misquote mythological Greek goddesses, so we should be good there.

– Dana “is cool” with Jason Miller, even though Mayhem refused to call him during their awkward Twitter exchange. Turns out, Dana was only joking when he told Miller to retire, furthering my belief that sarcastic font really needs to become a thing in 2013.

And although booking Velasquez over Overeem was the right thing to do given the circumstances, it also looks like the UFC is walking into the same potential trap that they placed themselves in with UFC 150. What trap are we referring to? Well, aside from DirecTV shitting the bed Saturday night, the live gate for UFC 150 was apparently “the worst gate for a pay-per-view since 2007″ according to White, who told the following in the UFC 150 media presser just moments before.

White attributed part of the low attendance to the recent string of Colorado-based tragedies that has swept over the state, and he undoubtedly has a point here. But on the other hand, the paltry 650k gate can also be attributed to that of the main event. Not many of us thought Edgar had earned an immediate rematch based on his performance alone at UFC 150, to which White’s response was that Edgar received one simply because it was owed to him. And while the latter is true, it doesn’t exactly generate a lot of excitement, or at least enough to fill an arena in any case.

Yet here we are again, witnessing another rematch. Only this time, the first fight didn’t end in a controversial decision, but in a first round knockout. Sure, Velasquez was coming off a long layoff and got caught, and sure, he will definitely do better the second time around (as did Edgar), but when even Dos Santos is admitting that he doesn’t want this fight, it’s kind of hard to get excited for it from a fan’s perspective, something the gate numbers might reflect down the line.

Then again, the end of the year cards are normally stacked enough to draw even the most reluctant MMA fan out of hiding, so the UFC will more than likely prosper to close things out unless a *knock on wood* injury curse rears its ugly head again. It should be known that I also scored Henderson/Edgar II in favor of Edgar (48-47), so what the hell do I know?

How about you, Potato Nation? Are you excited to see these two throw down once again? One thing’s for sure, the winner wont be decided by the judges, and that should be reason enough to get excited.

–J. Jones

Comment of the Week 8/6 – And the Winner Is…

(Ten minutes later, Jones was responsible for the first pace car-led pileup in Nascar history.)

A congratulations is in order for the nominees of last week’s Comment of the Week contest, who really brought the funny when ripping on everything from debilitating diseases to spousal abuse. You sick sons a bitches truly make us proud.

That being said, there can only be one winner, and this week’s was decided by a margin of just 25 votes, so join us after the jump for the big reveal…

(Ten minutes later, Jones was responsible for the first pace car-led pileup in Nascar history.)

That being said, there can only be one winner, and this week’s was decided by a margin of just 25 votes, so join us after the jump for the big reveal…

With 28.2 % of the vote, Landulf’s inspired vision of Jon Jones’ new Nike campaign walked away victorious, barely eeking out VivaHate’s Ortizian rant aimed at Hector Lombard.

On second thought, that reveal was kind of a letdown. Apologies.

In either case, Landulf, e-mail [email protected] with your real name, address, and shirt size, and we’ll get you hooked up ASAP. As for the rest of you nominees, keep your heads up. Maybe one day you’ll be funny enough to win a free t-shirt that was made by the tired, bleeding hands of 7 year-old Honduran children two years ago. Sure, one sleeve might be longer than the other, and some of them might say PageComato on the back, but what else can you expect? They’re illiterate for Christ’s sake.

–J. Jones

Comment of the Week 8/6 – The Nominees

(You’ve earned this.)

After we took a test run with last week’s Comment of the Week survey, we weren’t really sure how you all would react when given even the smallest bit of power. Because let’s be honest, most of you (at least those who comment) come across as a “unique in a Ted Bundy way” kind of crowd. You know, the kind of people that cross names off their hitlists with lipstick and cry themselves to sleep…in a good way.

Thankfully, you managed to pick the comment that we had originally voted for as your winner, and completely validated yourselves in the process. Don’t get used to us patting you on the back, because the only thing that happens less than us writers giving you readers your due credit is you readers giving us writers ours. That being said, this week’s competition looks like it’s going to be fierce, with everything from our “If UFC Fighters Were in the Olympics” post to the downfall of Frank Trigg providing opportunities for several brilliant, if not politically incorrect and relentlessly dark, comments.

Going with the idea that one of you suggested, the comment that won last week will be carried over to see how long it can reign supreme. We are also only going to take one comment from each reader, as to keep this poll from turning into a full blown clusterfuck. On that note, join us after the jump for the best of the best, and vote on which comment you think takes the blood-flavored cake this week.

(You’ve earned this.)