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Schadenfreude is the German word for taking pleasure from the misfortune of others, and aside from scheisseporn it’s pretty much the best word to come out of Germany untranslated. The German fußball team gave us some textbook definition schadenfreude action when they crushed Brazil 7-1 in the World Cup earlier this week, and everyone on the internet delighted in watching the host nation weep like little bitches during the meltdown.

Evil pleasure aside, there’s something fascinating about seeing another human wallowing in sadness. And outside of a choking team’s arena or third world country, I’d argue there’s no better place to stare sadness in the face than at a UFC post-fight press conference.

While most of the defeated fighters on a card get to skip the conference and ruminate on their losses in private, the loser of the main event is expected to show up and answer sharp questions from our crack MMA media like “How do you feel right now?” and “What is next now that you’ve failed?”

The look on their faces as they struggle to answer will hit you right in the feels. Or trigger dat schadenfreude if you’re a dick. Since I am definitely a dick, allow me to be your sadness sommelier on this tour through the saddest sadfaces at UFC post-fight press conferences…

(“I am not impress wit my performance” – Photo by Esther Lin for MMAFighting)

By Ryan Harkness

Kenny Florian

After three failed runs at the lightweight title, Kenny dropped down to 145 for one last attempt at a UFC belt. Unfortunately he ran into the buzzsaw that was prime Jose Aldo and lost the fight 49-46 on all three judges’ scorecards. I’m pretty sure he would have shed a few tears if his body had the moisture to spare after cutting down to featherweight.

BJ Penn

It seemed pretty damn obvious to everyone except BJ Penn that he was gonna get tool time’d by Frankie Edgar in their third fight. It wasn’t until the post-fight conference that the reality of his situation hit BJ in the face harder than anything Frankie threw in the cage. “I shouldn’t have come back.” Welcome to everyone’s conclusion from nine months ago, BJ.

Georges St. Pierre

Georges is the only winner to make it onto this list for the epic sadface he pulled after his ‘victory’ over Johny Hendricks. First off, you know a guy as OCD as GSP was aware he didn’t exactly perform to his typical flawless standard. Secondly, he not only had those ‘personal problems’ to deal with, his awkward out of the blue retirement in the cage went over about as well as a fart in church. That all led to St Pierre giving us a little glimpse of what things are like in his dark place.

Lyoto Machida

(Photo via Dave Mandel/Sherdog)

For all the hype and accolades Lyoto got out of this fight, he knows the score: he’s 36 years old, and only managed to secure this title shot by default because the rest of the middleweight division turned out to be on steroids. Unless he’s willing to push his career into Randy Couture territory, we probably just witnessed his last kick at the title shot can.

Chael Sonnen

Here’s a twofer that proves the only thing worse than choking and losing a title fight with two minutes remaining is choking and losing a title fight in the second round. Not pictured: the sad face Chael has now as he sits on his couch with his withered testicles in one hand and a lifetime prescription for TRT in the other.

Photo of the Year Nominee: Frankie Edgar, What Hath Thou Wrought?

(via the UFC’s instagram.)

Following his utterly dominant win over BJ Penn in their completely pointless trilogy fight at the TUF 19 Finale last weekend, Frankie Edgar did not sound like a man who had just defeated a legend of the game for the third straight time. He was happy to have another win under his belt, sure, but in his post-fight speech with Jon Anik, he sounded withdrawn, disappointed. Guilty even. He sounded like a man who had just committed a mercy killing, and perhaps rightfully so.

“I almost feel bad about it,” said Edgar.

At the post-fight press conference that evening, Edgar was similarly short of words. Penn, Edgar’s quote unquote “greatest rival” and a man who made him a champion and a bonafide star in defeat, broke down in tears while answering questions about his legacy, the very legacy that Edgar had officially brought an end to just moments earlier. Frankie seemed almost sorry for having been the man to do it.

For a professional fighter, Frankie Edgar doesn’t appear to have a mean bone in his body, which is what makes this candid photo of Edgar and Penn embracing backstage following the TUF 19 Finale all the more telling. Simply put, Edgar’s face reads like a road map of heartache here. Sorrow, guilt, empathy, and respect — all captured in one perfectly timed photo.

(via the UFC’s instagram.)

“I almost feel bad about it,” said Edgar.

It’s almost as if Edgar had come to the realization that he was (at least partially) responsible for reducing a legend of the game to a literal shell of his former self at that exact moment. “What have I done?” he appears to be asking himself. “And where do I go from here?”

Had Penn’s face been captured in this photo, we’re sure it would have read the same.

–J. Jones

UFC: Jason Parillo Defends Himself Following BJ Penn Loss to Frankie Edgar

BJ Penn looked different in his third meeting with Frankie Edgar on Sunday.
He looked noticeably leaner in the cage as he was making his featherweight debut, but most fans have been talking about the new style he decided to use against his rival. Appea…

BJ Penn looked different in his third meeting with Frankie Edgar on Sunday.

He looked noticeably leaner in the cage as he was making his featherweight debut, but most fans have been talking about the new style he decided to use against his rival. Appearing on The MMA Hour, Penn’s longtime friend and coach Jason Parillo made sure to clear his name.

“I would never in a million years develop that new style,” Parillo said. “Never in a million years.”

He’s not the only one who questioned Penn’s new style.

Parillo explained that he had noticed Penn using his upright stance while helping him on The Ultimate Fighter and voiced his displeasure. Rather than risk their friendship, the two men agreed Parillo wouldn’t take part in Penn’s upcoming training camp:

I got called a week before the fight to work his corner for the fight, so I, myself, hadn’t spent time in camp at all with B.J. … I answered yes automatically because he’s my friend. So I didn’t know. They explained to me kind of the gameplan the week of the fight, and I was actually rooming with his boxing coach the whole week, so I was listening to him, talking to him about what they were doing. At that point, it’s not my position to make any adjustments, like, ‘no, no, no, let’s do this, let’s do that,’ because it’s too late for that. It’s too late. He’s been doing this s–t for two years. What, am I going to come in the week of the fight and change a whole gameplan? Change a whole style around? That’s not going to happen, nor does B.J. want me to make that happen. He doesn’t want that to happen, he wants to go in there with want they have planned.

Parillo, just like the rest of us, had the agonizing displeasure of watching an MMA legend go down in devastating fashion. Penn was unable to land any punches of significance, and his vaunted takedown defense was nonexistent, something that was no doubt the result of his stance.

During the time that Penn was untouchable at 155 pounds, Parillo helped mold him into one of the best strikers in MMA. Penn’s boxing, particularly his jab, was a thing of wonder in a sport that isn’t always the most technical.

However, Penn apparently didn’t want to reach into his old bag of tricks for the Edgar fight:

I wanted him bending his knees. It’s called sitting down on your punch in boxing, and that way you can use your legs to help with your head movement, help with your footwork, help with all this stuff. He just says he doesn’t like that style anymore because it made him too tired. So at the end of the day, what can I do?

Penn lost every round in his third meeting with Edgar, and the fight was anything but competitive. Coming from an extended layoff, most fans weren’t expecting him to take out a top-five-ranked fighter, but considering he looked to be in the best shape of his life, everyone surely expected him to put up a better fight than he did.

Even Penn’s jiu-jitsu game looked nonexistent. He resorted to a “feet on the hips” style of guard that would lead one to believe the Hawaiian would be looking for submissions or sweeps. Yet none of that happened.

Penn announced his retirement following the loss and all things considered, it’s probably for the best. He enjoyed a UFC Hall of Fame-worthy career that saw him become one of only two men to win titles in multiple weight divisions in the UFC. He also enjoyed a nine-year span that saw him go undefeated while competing at lightweight.

And Penn enjoyed blazing trails outside MMA as well. He became the first American to win a gold medal at the World Jiu-Jitsu Championships in the black belt division.

It’s pretty telling of Penn’s talent level that he started his MMA career back in 2001 at UFC 31 and was still able to headline a card in 2014. The loss is just another example of an MMA legend having time pass him by with the results not being enjoyable for MMA fans.

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Mahalo: Saying Goodbye to UFC Legend BJ Penn

It’s hard to leave behind seats so close you can literally reach out and touch the fighters as they walk out of the UFC Octagon. But leave them I did, abandoning press row for the long hike up to section 205 at the very top of the Mandalay Bay Events C…

Most of the time I’m able to keep my journalist face on, especially when sitting among my peers. I admit that mine isn’t as good as some others—Fox’s Michael Chiappetta, for example, never seems to change expressions over the course of five hours. I admire that restraint but could never replicate it.

Especially not when BJ Penn is fighting.

My relationship with this sport will always be that of a fan. This isn’t a vocation. It’s a passion—and Penn is one of my early favorites. As I’ve watched this sport grow into the behemoth it is today, he’s been there, a constant presence, a steady rock in an industry of constant change.

I don’t know BJ Penn. I don’t want to. He’s from a time before I had to put a mask on and pretend I didn’t care who won or lost, before I had ever met an athlete and had any illusions of heroism shattered by real-life human flaws. Together we’ve shared the pain and joy of a tumultuous career.

And so I made my trek to 205. My friend Jeremy Botter was there to meet me. He understood, though we didn’t really discuss it. I had been with him in Atlanta where his friend Miguel Torres met an awful end at the hands of Michael McDonald. I had seen his own mask fall off as we sat together in the press box. So I knew there would be no judgments.

Surprisingly, I didn’t feel much as Penn was annihilated by Frankie Edgar. Hope can be a cruel poison, but I don’t know that I ever got mine up. Even when a fat man took his shirt off to lead loud cheers for the pride of Hawaii, I never really believed.

In my heart? Maybe. But my head has seen too many older fighters try to tap into a well that has long run dry. As soon as Penn stood up on his tippy toes, looking more like a ballerina than a boxer, I knew it was over. Both his career and the last link to my time before this was my profession, when I was allowed to hoot and holler to my heart’s content.

Penn retired after the fight, admitting he should have probably never come back—but needed to know that in his bones before he called it a career.

“The biggest regret would be if I didn’t get in the ring tonight,” Penn told reporters after the fight. “I’d always kick myself in the butt and complain to Dana White and complain to everybody ‘Man, I could have done it again.’ Now I know for sure I can’t.”

One day, likely soon, Penn will be inducted into the UFC Hall of Fame. Future generations will look at his pedestrian 16-10-2 record and wonder why we held him in such high regard. But we’ll know.

It’s for the way he sprinted from the cage after knocking out Caol Uno in a matter of seconds at UFC 34.

For the way he walked into the ring against an enormous Lyoto Machida, fear nowhere to be found.

For the time he answered a pedestrian post-fight interview question with the simple command “If you wanna know more, go to BJPenn.com.”

For the way he rearranged Diego Sanchez’s face, making his mean mugging all the more comical.

One by one the icons of a simpler time are leaving us. All of our ties to the sport’s formative years will soon be gone. Penn was among the last of the old guard still standing. His void will never be filled.

In a world of corporate sponsors, podcast guest spots and Fan Expos, BJ Penn never really quite fit in. He loved the fans, but the glitz and glamour was clearly not his style.

BJ Penn wasn’t meant for modern mixed martial arts. He was exceptionally athletic but never an athlete. Never one for the gym, he wasn’t the best at exercising. He was a fighter. Who but a fighter would lick an opponent’s blood from his gloves with such glee?

It’s moments like that, when we are both repelled and amazed, that made Penn so special. Moments like that compelled me to get up from my seat. And I’m glad that I did—so I could stand up and cheer BJ Penn one last time.

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Frankie Edgar Tops TUF 19 Finale Payroll with $260,000 Check

While former UFC lightweight champion Frankie Edgar never had to leave his comfort zone in his trilogy fight with BJ Penn Sunday night, the dominant victory made the New Jersey native $260,000 richer. Mixedmartialarts.com reported the salaries earned at The Ultimate Fighter 19 Finale, with Edgar topping the list with $130,000 to show and $130,000 to win.

The usual disclaimer applies: The salaries do not include money deducted for insurances, licenses, taxes, etc., and they do not include the UFC’s infamous “locker room bonuses.”

Frankie Edgar: $260,000 (includes $130,000 bonus)
def. B.J. Penn: $150,000

Corey Anderson: $16,000 (includes $8,000 bonus)
def. Matt Van Buren: $8,000

Eddie Gordon: $16,000 (includes $8,000 bonus)
def. Dhiego Lima: $8,000

Derrick Lewis: $20,000 (includes $10,000 bonus)
def. Guto Inocente: $8,000

Dustin Ortiz: $28,000 (includes $14,000 bonus)
def. Justin Scoggins: $12,000

Kevin Lee: $16,000 (includes $8,000 bonus)
def. Jesse Ronson: $8,000

Leandro Issa: $15,000 (includes $7,500 bonus)
def. Jumabieke Tuerxun: $8,000

Adriano Martins: $30,000 (includes $15,000 bonus)
def. Juan Manuel Puig: $8,000

Patrick Walsh: $16,000 (includes $8,000 bonus)
def. Daniel Spohn: $8,000

Sarah Moras: $18,000 (includes $8,000 bonus)*
def. Alexis Dufresne: $6,000*

Robert Drysdale: $16,000 (includes $8,000 bonus)
def. Keith Berish: $8,000

* Moras received $2,000 of Dufresne’s pay after Dufresne missed weight

Total Disclosed Payroll: $683,000

Furthermore, Leandro Issa and Jumabieke Tuerxun were awarded $50,000 “Fight of the Night” bonuses, with Issa earning another $50,000 for “Performance of the Night” for finishing the matchup with an armbar, per MMA Junkie.

The third and final bonus, a second “Performance of the Night” award, went to Adriano Martins for scoring a spectacular one-punch knockout over Juan Manuel Puig (also per MMA Junkie).

Edgar had already bested Penn twice in 2010, pulling off a massive upset when he captured the lightweight title from “The Prodigy” at UFC 112 in April 2010.

While their first encounter ended with some controversy, “The Answer” erased any doubt by outclassing the Hawaiian fan favorite for five rounds at their UFC 118 rematch in August of the same year.

A good portion of fans, fighters and analysts alike were willing to give Penn, one of only two two-division champs in UFC history, the benefit of the doubt in facing Edgar for a third time due to his overall track record—despite entering the cage Sunday evening on a four-fight winless streak (three losses, one draw).

However, it was the worst-case scenario for Penn on Sunday night, as he looked completely lifeless as Edgar picked him apart with his patented slick combinations and quick takedowns.

Edgar turned up the heat in the third round, delivering brutal ground-and-pound that left Penn a bloody mess before referee Herb Dean finally called off the bout with 44 seconds remaining in the frame.

The one-sided beating marked the only time in Penn’s 28-fight professional career that he was stopped, calling a halt to one of the most storied careers in mixed martial arts.

Penn formally announced his retirement at the event’s post-fight press conference, per MMA Fighting.

The good fortune didn’t start there for Edgar, who proved he’s still a force to be reckoned with in the UFC’s 145-pound division.

All four of the fighters in the TUF finals were coached by Edgar, making it inevitable that both of the winners—Eddie Gordon and Corey Anderson—came from Team Edgar.

As Penn gets ready for his Hall of Fame induction, what matchup makes the most sense for Edgar in a crowded featherweight title picture?

John Heinis is a featured columnist for Bleacher Report. He is also the MMA editor for eDraft.com.

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