For a while there, we here at CagePotato always just kind of assumed that Aleksander Emelianenko would spend the remainder of his days quietly crushing tomato cans and occasionally killing bears with knives. Until the day came 10 or so years from now, of course, when the Russian government would finally locate his geographically-isolated cabin and assign him one. final. mission. to save the world he gave up on so long ago. They’d say something like, “You’re a hard man to find,” and Aleks would be all like, “Not hard enough,” and before you know it, we’d have a movie franchise on our hands. Yeah, that’s how it’d go.
Unfortunately, it appears that the nightly bounties of delicious stabbed bear meat (second only to strangled boar meat on the list of manliest meals) and occasional espionage we had envisioned for Fedor’s little bro was only that: a dream. Last October, Aleks was detained after beating up a 63-year-old army veteran on his birthday (classy stuff, Al), and today brings word that Russia’s answer to War Machine has been placed on the country’s federal wanted list in light of another bizarre altercation:
Russian authorities have put renowned Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) fighter Aleksander Emelianenko on a wanted list on suspicion of housekeeper abuse and passport theft, investigators said Wednesday.
Vladimir Markin, a spokesperson for the country’s Investigative Committee said that Emelianenko had been put on the federal wanted list as “he disappeared and did not appear for questioning at the scheduled time,” adding that charges were forthcoming.
For a while there, we here at CagePotato always just kind of assumed that Aleksander Emelianenko would spend the remainder of his days quietly crushing tomato cans and occasionally killing bears with knives. Until the day came 10 or so years from now, of course, when the Russian government would finally locate his geographically-isolated cabin and assign him one. final. mission. to save the world he gave up on so long ago. They’d say something like, “You’re a hard man to find,” and Aleks would be all like, “Not hard enough,” and before you know it, we’d have a movie franchise on our hands. Yeah, that’s how it’d go.
Unfortunately, it appears that the nightly bounties of delicious stabbed bear meat (second only to strangled boar meat on the list of manliest meals) and occasional espionage we had envisioned for Fedor’s little bro was only that: a dream. Last October, Aleks was detained after beating up a 63-year-old army veteran on his birthday (classy stuff, Al), and today brings word that Russia’s answer to War Machine has been placed on the country’s federal wanted list in light of another bizarre altercation:
Russian authorities have put renowned Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) fighter Aleksander Emelianenko on a wanted list on suspicion of housekeeper abuse and passport theft, investigators said Wednesday.
Vladimir Markin, a spokesperson for the country’s Investigative Committee said that Emelianenko had been put on the federal wanted list as “he disappeared and did not appear for questioning at the scheduled time,” adding that charges were forthcoming.
We will have more on this absolutely ridiculous story as it unfolds, but just so we’re keeping track, the list of people Aleksander Emelianenko has deemed an immediate threat over the years now includes:
-Housekeepers
-Tourists
–Flight Attendants
-Senior Citizens
-People with birthdays
-Bears (OK, he was right on this one)
This time, it’s none other than former lightweight champion Ben Henderson who has apparently mixed up his Russians. After Khabilov was forced to withdraw from his fight with Dos Anjos due to injury (which in turn led to Dos Anjos vs. Nurmagomedov actually being booked), he recently took to Twitter to request a shot at “a fighter like Ben Henderson.” Henderson quickly accepted, but it was what he tweeted back that raised a few eyebrows.
“Seems like no 1 wants to play with u buddy,” tweeted Henderson. The only problem is, it’s Nurmagomedov, not Khabilov, that’s been having trouble finding opponents — both Nate Diaz and Gil Melendez have turned him down in recent months. In any case, Henderson vs. Khabilov has now been booked to headline a TBD “Fight Night” card on June 7th at the Tingley Coliseum in Albuquerque, New Mexico. It’ll be the UFC’s first-ever event in ABQ, home of the world-renowned Jackson’s MMA camp, where Khabilov trains.
This time, it’s none other than former lightweight champion Ben Henderson who has apparently mixed up his Russians. After Khabilov was forced to withdraw from his fight with Dos Anjos due to injury (which in turn led to Dos Anjos vs. Nurmagomedov actually being booked), he recently took to Twitter to request a shot at “a fighter like Ben Henderson.” Henderson quickly accepted, but it was what he tweeted back that raised a few eyebrows.
“Seems like no 1 wants to play with u buddy,” tweeted Henderson. The only problem is, it’s Nurmagomedov, not Khabilov, that’s been having trouble finding opponents — both Nate Diaz and Gil Melendez have turned him down in recent months. In any case, Henderson vs. Khabilov has now been booked to headline a TBD “Fight Night” card on June 7th at the Tingley Coliseum in Albuquerque, New Mexico. It’ll be the UFC’s first-ever event in ABQ, home of the world-renowned Jackson’s MMA camp, where Khabilov trains.
Of course, in Henderson’s eyes, Khabilov and Nurmagomedov pretty much are the same. Both are steadily-rising contenders who have yet to crack the top 15, both are strong grapplers (although Khabilov isn’t afraid to throw some spinning sh*t every now and again), and both are Russian and therefore hate America and Freedom. What other motivation does he need? FOR VICTORY, BENDO. FOR GLORY. FOR *CRIMEA*. WOLVERINES!!!
(A major pat on the back is in order for our buddies over at MiddleEasy, who unearthed this gem yesterday.)
As we have learned, all Russians are trained sleeper cell assassins simply waiting to be activated, capable of unleashing the fury of an entire suppressed nation on a moment’s notice. As such, the above video of a random audience member volunteering to fight Russian Wolverine with zero prep time and subsequently knocking him the fuck out should not come as all that great a surprise to us. Nor should the fact that the fight was held in a sand-based ring strung together with old farm rope and was reffed by a guy rocking one of Mac’s custom made sleeveless shirts.
And of course, people are already crying foul, forgetting that 1) Russians don’t throw fights at the risk of banishment and 2) People don’t usually agree to get absolutely starched in a work. THIS is what a work looks like, and THIS is what it looks like when a random dude is picked from the audience and winds up kicking a fighter’s ass. Clearly, the above fight falls into the latter category.
While you’re busy debating this video’s merit, let’s kick it over to Sandy Abramov, who is here to offer us some tips about how to keep cool in the blistering Russian sun-OH MY GOD…
(A major pat on the back is in order for our buddies over at MiddleEasy, who unearthed this gem yesterday.)
As we have learned, all Russians are trained sleeper cell assassins simply waiting to be activated, capable of unleashing the fury of an entire suppressed nation on a moment’s notice. As such, the above video of a random audience member volunteering to fight Russian Wolverine with zero prep time and subsequently knocking him the fuck out should not come as all that great a surprise to us. Nor should the fact that the fight was held in a sand-based ring strung together with old farm rope and was reffed by a guy rocking one of Mac’s custom made sleeveless shirts.
And of course, people are already crying foul, forgetting that 1) Russians don’t throw fights at the risk of banishment and 2) People don’t usually agree to get absolutely starched in a work. THIS is what a work looks like, and THIS is what it looks like when a random dude is picked from the audience and winds up kicking a fighter’s ass. Clearly, the above fight falls into the latter category.
While you’re busy debating this video’s merit, let’s kick it over to Sandy Abramov, who is here to offer us some tips about how to keep cool in the blistering Russian sun-OH MY GOD…
Yep, that’s a massive Russian military hovercraft plowing into an unsuspecting crowd of beach goers yesterday. To be fair, dash cam footage asserts that Russia is basically an anarchistic cambrian wasteland, so maybe these people had it coming, thinking they could just GO OUT TO THE BEACH without a meteor descending from space or a Graboid threatening to swallow them whole. The gall of some people.
I know that “The Unexpected Cosign” is a Complex Magazine’s shtick, but do I ever have one for you today.
As some of you may know, when English heavyweight James “The Colossus” Thompson isn’t busy smashing freaks and fools, he’s updating his blog, Colossal Concerns. Given his workingman personality and some of the nasty knockouts he’s been on the receiving end of, I half expected it to read “Mummba jummba slave to the white man mummba mummba jummba.” But believe it or not, it’s an incredibly well written, insightful blog. Then again, if you’ve been following him on Twitter, you probably aren’t surprised at all by this.
Last night, he offered fans a detailed analysis of Fedor’s career. It’s a pretty entertaining piece that examines the fine line between Fedor the Legend and Fedor the Can Crusher. Oh, and James Thompson totally drank with “The Last Emperor” this one time.
Take it away, James:
I’ll leave you with a story of mine from when we both fought on Pride shock waves 2006. I had beaten Yoshida on the NYE Pride show and had come back to the hotel early from cerebrating as I was drained and I’d had enough for the night. As I entered the hotel lobby Fedor was standing front and centre swaying from side to side, he straightened up as I came through the doors and looked up towards me. I started moving from foot to foot as if he was still swaying and he burst out laughing at this and beckoned me towards him. As I approached him he lightly grabbed me and we started play fighting in the lobby, it was only messing around however I’d be lying if didn’t say a small part of me was praying he wasn’t a violent drunk and that he wouldn’t snap and sambo throw me on to the cold hard floor of the hotel lobby. If the Truth be told I was actually checking the floor during our ‘play fight to see if there was a softer part of it for me to land on should things have started to go wrong!
I know that “The Unexpected Cosign” is a Complex Magazine’s shtick, but do I ever have one for you today.
As some of you may know, when English heavyweight James “The Colossus” Thompson isn’t busy smashing freaks and fools, he’s updating his blog, Colossal Concerns. Given his workingman personality and some of the nasty knockouts he’s been on the receiving end of, I half expected it to read “Mummba jummba slave to the white man mummba mummba jummba.” But believe it or not, it’s an incredibly well written, insightful blog. Then again, if you’ve been following him on Twitter, you probably aren’t surprised at all by this.
Last night, he offered fans a detailed analysis of Fedor’s career. It’s a pretty entertaining piece that examines the fine line between Fedor the Legend and Fedor the Can Crusher. Oh, and James Thompson totally drank with “The Last Emperor” this one time.
Take it away, James:
I’ll leave you with a story of mine from when we both fought on Pride shock waves 2006. I had beaten Yoshida on the NYE Pride show and had come back to the hotel early from cerebrating as I was drained and I’d had enough for the night. As I entered the hotel lobby Fedor was standing front and centre swaying from side to side, he straightened up as I came through the doors and looked up towards me. I started moving from foot to foot as if he was still swaying and he burst out laughing at this and beckoned me towards him. As I approached him he lightly grabbed me and we started play fighting in the lobby, it was only messing around however I’d be lying if didn’t say a small part of me was praying he wasn’t a violent drunk and that he wouldn’t snap and sambo throw me on to the cold hard floor of the hotel lobby. If the Truth be told I was actually checking the floor during our ‘play fight to see if there was a softer part of it for me to land on should things have started to go wrong!
After we’d stopped with the play fighting, Fedor beckoned me towards his table which was in a kind of Lounge area with sofas and chairs crowded around a coffee table. I said hello to the inhabitants who were all Russian males that didn’t speak any English- apart from Fedors manager Vadim Finkelstein who spoke good English. Fedor picked up a sports bag and placed it on the coffee table in front of us all. I could tell from the clinging and clanging of glass that his Mma kit wasn’t in it. A couple of his Russian mates went to get glasses & Fedor started to produce these strange shaped glass bottles from his kit bag. What struck me as odd was that none of these bottles had labels on and you could tell that they weren’t bought down the local off license; they reminded me of bottles you might find in a pharmacy. As Fedor brought out all these bottles of different shapes and sizes I could tell which ones were the strongest (or the favourites) by the gasps and applause each bottle would receive. Fedor delved in to his bag of tricks once again and produced a square bottle which had Smokey dark blue glass and a long narrow neck. But what I really noticed was the reaction of the group, as for a second they were silenced- before hushed gasps of shock and Awe reverberated around the table.
Fedor held this bottle up as if it was the world cup before cuddling it in his arms as if it was a new born child and this brought laughter. He poured a large amount in to one of the glasses -I’m not sure if smoke came off the liquid as it was poured or if I’m just embellishing that part for the story, but what I do remember was that the liquid was clear and handed over the table to me by Fedor with great care. All eyes were now focused on the Englishman and I felt like I was part of some experiment and seeing that I know how seriously Russians take their drinking; I didn’t want to spoil my street cred by asking if they had any Orange juice to mix with it. I was somewhat nervous of the drink that lay before me, so I pictured that what was in the glass was the ‘secret elixir to what made Fedor great’ and by consuming what was in the glass, it would have the same effect on me. With these thoughts I threw back my head and downed it in one.
Now bear in mind this wasn’t a shot glass, it was a normal sized glass filled half full (not half empty). As the contents of the glass filled my mouth, my tongue recoiled and looked for a place to hide. The burning sensation I felt in my mouth, then throat, then chest was overwhelming but I’m English and we too pride ourselves on our drinking ability and even if It was petrol that he’d given me to drink (which is not completely impossible judging by the taste) I was downing this fucker of a drink, not just for my own honour but for the honour of England! I slammed down my glass, gave my head a shake and with the machoness I thought eastern Europeans would recognise, I tipped my glass implying that I wanted another one… which was the last thing I wanted. My new Russian friends loved this and patted my head as I ran my tongue over my teeth to check were still there. Fedor laughed at this and poured me another healthy glass of evil.
With that Josh Barnett came into our drinking area, he had fought Big Nog earlier and lost a close decision. Josh and Fedor had talked and straightened out some problems they’d had the day before and in the process they realised they actually got on very well (I knew this as my trainer/manager at the time had arranged their talk). Fedor greeted Barnett like a long lost brother. He pulled up a chair for him and poured him a drink. I was pleased with this as it meant the Russians had a new westerner to experiment on, plus it gave me a minute to collect myself- which was needed as whatever it was that had been pushed in my direction a minute earlier was coursing though my veins and making me blink a lot for some bizarre reason!.
I talked to a mixture of people for 30 minutes or so which seems strange when I look back as there were only three people that spoke English including myself! I was still tired and I had to be up early in the morning for a stupid o clock flight home. My room (which was my original destination) for the second time that night, became my goal. I was saying my goodbyes to all my new friends when Fedor appeared and pointed to the (my) glass which I hadn’t touched since giving it the ‘big un’ half an hour previously in front of everyone. I felt a massive weight suddenly hang over my head again, I looked at Fedor pleadingly but he just held his glass up and tipped it just like I had done. I pick up my glass clinked it with Fedor and once again downed this un-godly liquid. It again felt like I was trying to down hot coals and I half expected my liver to write me a note whilst I slept that night stating that he could no longer take the abuse! Fedor tried to make me have another drink but I’d said my goodbyes and I stumbled off to my room… I’m sure this thing I call the ‘Russian turpentine ordeal’ wasn’t a big deal for Fedor as he was just being himself and I doubt that he would hardly even remember all this, but for me it was a big deal and I love my story and appreciate Fedor taking the time and just being able to have a laugh. For me, this doesn’t make him a great champion…but it definitely adds to it.
I’ve you’ve ever told an off-color joke only to realize that the person you’re telling it to is standing in front of his 83-year-old grandmother, you’re going to appreciate this video.
Fabricio Werdum thinks he’s being witty when he sees Fedor and his entourage in the elevator at the hotel prior to Strikeforce’s last event in New Jersey and lets them know that he knows a few greetings the Russian group will understand. “Vai Cavalo” goes on to explain that he lived in Croatia for a stretch and while he was there he picked up some of the country’s Slavic native tongue — a dialect that closely resembles Russian.
(Video courtesy of YouTube/chokeouttv)
I’ve you’ve ever told an off-color joke only to realize that the person you’re telling it to is standing in front of his 83-year-old grandmother, you’re going to appreciate this video.
Fabricio Werdum thinks he’s being witty when he sees Fedor and his entourage in the elevator at the hotel prior to Strikeforce’s last event in New Jersey and lets them know that he knows a few greetings the Russian group will understand. “Vai Cavalo” goes on to explain that he lived in Croatia for a stretch and while he was there he picked up some of the country’s Slavic native tongue — a dialect that closely resembles Russian.
(“How’s tastes my pee pee?)
“I lived two years in Croatia,” he explained in English to the oblivious group.
“Good morning. Good afternoon. Good evening. I fucked your mother,” Werdum rhymed off in Croatian. “It’s no good, eh? Bad…uh words.”
Watch the expressions change on the faces of Fedor and his priest from smiles to frowns when Werdum blurts out the insult.
Props to Dr. Andy Nguyen from ChokeOutCancer for sending us the vid.
