(This is a Tank Abbott professional wrestling action figure produced and sold by the WWE. Spoiler alert: It is easily a much better Christmas present for the MMA fans in your life than ANYTHING on this list.)
From ugly t-shirts to video games with comically deformed characters, MMA fans don’t exactly have a ton of half-decent options for Christmas presents. So it should probably go without saying that if you see that one of your presents is from UFCStore.com tomorrow morning, you should just throw the damn thing in the trash without opening it. Trust me, whatever is inside of that box is a Christmas tragedy the likes of which would make Agatha Christie blush.
The UFC’s official shop is not only littered with exactly the ugly, trashy, tasteless merchandise that you’d expect to see the Eddie Justbleeds of the world own, but also some incredibly confusing, useless products that suggest that maybe the UFC isn’t fully comfortable catering to said Justbleeds. I mean, for a company whose fan base is constantly measuring its collective dick, you’d think they’d be selling things like a UFC Belt Sander instead of a hyper-masculine UFC Shoe Bag.
So it’s in that spirit that I’ll be ranking the fifteen most depressing UFC items that you can currently buy — or, likely, receive as a Christmas present tomorrow — from UFCStore.com. Two rules: Number one, only UFC and UFC Gym brand items are eligible for inclusion, because as much as I’d love to include this eyesore, I’m not nearly enough of a masochist to rank every last item that awful place has up for grabs. And number two: It isn’t enough for an item to simply be extremely ugly, pointless, overpriced, dated or just plain stupid. No, for an item to make this list, it has to be that magical brand of awfulness that actually makes you feel sad and empty upon seeing that people are being asked to pay money in order to own it. Now that that’s out of the way, let’s begin our trip to the Island of Misfit UFC Merchandise…
(This is a Tank Abbott professional wrestling action figure produced and sold by the WWE. Spoiler alert: It is easily a much better Christmas present for the MMA fans in your life than ANYTHING on this list.)
From ugly t-shirts to video games with comically deformed characters, MMA fans don’t exactly have a ton of half-decent options for Christmas presents. So it should probably go without saying that if you see that one of your presents is from UFCStore.com tomorrow morning, you should just throw the damn thing in the trash without opening it. Trust me, whatever is inside of that box is a Christmas tragedy the likes of which would make Agatha Christie blush.
The UFC’s official shop is not only littered with exactly the ugly, trashy, tasteless merchandise that you’d expect to see the Eddie Justbleeds of the world own, but also some incredibly confusing, useless products that suggest that maybe the UFC isn’t fully comfortable catering to said Justbleeds. I mean, for a company whose fan base is constantly measuring its collective dick, you’d think they’d be selling things like a UFC Belt Sander instead of a hyper-masculine UFC Shoe Bag.
So it’s in that spirit that I’ll be ranking the fifteen most depressing UFC items that you can currently buy — or, likely, receive as a Christmas present tomorrow — from UFCStore.com. Two rules: Number one, only UFC and UFC Gym brand items are eligible for inclusion, because as much as I’d love to include this eyesore, I’m not nearly enough of a masochist to rank every last item that awful place has up for grabs. And number two: It isn’t enough for an item to simply be extremely ugly, pointless, overpriced, dated or just plain stupid. No, for an item to make this list, it has to be that magical brand of awfulness that actually makes you feel sad and empty upon seeing that people are being asked to pay money in order to own it. Now that that’s out of the way, let’s begin our trip to the Island of Misfit UFC Merchandise…
Price: $24.95 From the UFCStore.com Product Description: “With this tank, everyone will know you’re a ferocious contender.”
Everyone may know that you’re a ferocious contender [Author Note: Please excuse me, I need to go vomit now…], but they’ll certainly wonder if you can actually read English. “UFC Fight Girl?” That’s how I’d expect an offensively stereotypical foreign tourist to describe Ronda Rousey. That this shirt was likely designed by a native English speaker to be worn by native English speakers both confuses and depresses me.
Price: $39.95 From the UFCStore.com Product Description: “Great for hats or lapels, this accessory will let everyone see your loyalty to the UFC!”
You’re honestly telling me that there are people who both fret over their inabilities to show the world that they’re UFC fans in their business professional attire and also want to spend $39.95 on a novelty lapel pin? I refuse to believe it. In fact, I bet if you tried to buy one of these, you’d be redirected to a page that explains how this item was just an anthropologist’s experiment to see if MMA fans really are stupid enough to buy anything with the letters “UFC” on it. There’s no damn way that the UFC has a box of lapel pins cluttering up a warehouse somewhere.
Price: $44.95 From the UFCStore.com Product Description: “While you may not be stepping into the octagon, with this tee, you’ll be ready to show the world how much dedication you have for the sport.”
If you wore this shirt in the same room as Joe Son, Thiago Silva, Bryan Caraway and Rob Emerson, my first thought would be “That guy in the star-spangled UFC shirt is a total douche.”
Price:$79.95 ON SALE NOW FOR ONLY $55.99 From the UFCStore.com Product Description: “These cute swimsuit bottoms will definitely show off your UFC style at the beach.”
“Great news, babe. I saved up some cash to buy you these BIKINI BOTTOMS! Not only are they inexcusably repulsive, but if you look really, really, closely at them, you’ll notice that they have OCTAGONS on them! THIS WAY EVERYONE WILL KNOW THAT YOUR BOYFRIEND WATCHES THE UFC!!!!”
Price: $799.95. That’s not a typo. Seven hundred ninenty-nine dollars and ninety-five cents. From the UFCStore.com Product Description: “Your UFC pride won’t be clearer when you wear this bracelet!”
This is the most expensive item currently available from UFCStore.com, and it looks like it’s held together by a goddamn hair scrunchie. If this isn’t symbolic of how much the UFC “respects” its fans, then I really do not know what is.
On the next page: Things get worse. Much, much worse.
You can tell a given point in time is momentous when a simple date won’t suffice.
When you bring exact times into it, you’re probably in red-letter territory. It thus felt appropriate that when legal reps for three elite MMA fighters announced they had…
You can tell a given point in time is momentous when a simple date won’t suffice.
When you bring exact times into it, you’re probably in red-letter territory. It thus felt appropriate that when legal reps for three elite MMA fighters announced they had officially filed suit against the UFC in a case that could change MMA forever, they added the hour and minute: 12:45 p.m., Tuesday, December 16.
It felt like a line in the sand, and that’s exactly what it is.
Brought by UFC middleweight Cung Le, former UFC title challenger and current World Series of Fighting welterweight Jon Fitch and retired UFC middleweight Nate Quarry, the suit was formally announced Tuesday afternoon in a news conference and media call in which Bleacher Report participated.
The plaintiffs are seeking as-of-yet-unspecified damages (though it may reportedly reach nine figures, according to Brent Brookhouse and John S. Nash of Bloody Elbow). Along with Fitch, Le and Quarry, other plaintiffs, including fighters, can and just might sign on down the line, attorneys said. Packing both MMA star power and legal firepower, the plaintiffs appear to have assembled a formidable challenge to the UFC status quo.
Before we go any further, let’s make the statement that should be obvious but isn’t in this world where everyone is a technical expert: No one knows how this will play out. Not even Internet writers and article commenters.
However, there is one firm statement that can be comfortably made: Over the coming months or years, the UFC is going to find itself in a protracted fight, one it won’t be able to tamp down with the bluster and strong-arm tactics that have characterized many of its other public confrontations. For that reason alone, this case is virtually unprecedented.
But back to the case for a moment. The complaint document, which you can read in its entirety here, summarizes the lawsuit clearly:
The UFC has engaged in an illegal scheme to eliminate competition from would-be rival MMA Promoters by systematically preventing them from gaining access to resources critical to successful MMA Promotions, including by imposing extreme restrictions on UFC Fighters’ ability to fight for would-be rivals during and after their tenure with the UFC. As part of the scheme, the UFC not only controls Fighters’ careers, but also takes and expropriates the rights to their names and likenesses in perpetuity. As a result of this scheme, UFC Fighters are paid a fraction of what they would earn in a competitive marketplace.
In general terms, the suit alleges, among other, more granular accusations, that the UFC and parent company Zuffa underpays its fighters, suppresses competition by buying and dismantling other promotions (Pride and Strikeforce, for example) and controls the way fighters use their own names and likenesses in products like video games.
These accusations are nothing new. What’s new is that a group of attorneys are now claiming they can prove these business practices break the law, most notably the Sherman Act, which provides the framework for U.S. antitrust rules.
Over the years, Zuffa leaders, especially UFC President Dana White, haven’t exactly kept their strategy under wraps.
“There is no competition,” White told MMAjunkie.com in 2010 in an interview quoted by the complaint. “We’re the NFL. You don’t see people looking at the NFL and going, ‘Yeah, but he’s not the best player in the world because there’s a guy playing for the Canadian Football League or the Arena League over here.’ We’re the NFL. There is no other guy.”
That’s exactly the kind of mentality that plaintiffs are out to exploit. Sports leagues like the NFL, the suit states, typically include a group of teams that compete against one another for athletes, with none centrally controlling league operations.
Contrasted with that model, does the UFC constitute an illegal monopoly? Should other promotions like Bellator and WSOF be considered legitimate competitors to the UFC, or are they clear “minor leagues”? That’s what this lawsuit will ultimately decide.
“Today, there is only one real promotional option for elite MMA: the UFC,” said Joseph Saveri, the plaintiffs’ co-counsel and lead attorney for the Joseph Saveri Law Firm, during Tuesday’s news conference. “The purpose is to right this wrong, change the status quo and restore healthy competition.”
Credit where it’s due: Le, Fitch and Quarry know how to lawyer up. They’ve hired some very heavy hitters in the world of antitrust and class-action litigation. Saveri and his firm recently won a big antitrust ruling against Silicon Valley giants like Apple and Intel. Cohen Milstein Sellers & Toll have won major decisions over the likes of Dow Chemical. It’s fair to conclude that the plaintiffs aren’t cutting corners in the deployment of legal resources for this case.
In its response to the suit, the UFC did not back down one iota, noting in an unattributed statement published online that it “will vigorously defend itself and its business practices.”
That reaction is decidedly unsurprising. Throughout its existence, Zuffa has shown a pluck and ready willingness to defend itself—and attack its opponents—that dovetails perfectly with the confrontational product it peddles. Problem is, those confrontations are usually in the UFC’s own sandbox and against opponents who are, for various reasons, not in the best position to fight back.
This time is different.
What is surprising this time is all that legal muscle the plaintiffs are deploying in their attempt to force the UFC to change the way it operates. Will it work? Nobody knows. But the UFC isn’t going to be able to talk, spend or saber-rattle its way out of this one. The UFC is going into the deep waters this time with someone that might be closer to its own size. For Zuffa and the UFC, that’s a big landmark.
Scott Harris writes about MMA for Bleacher Report. For more, follow Scott on Twitter. MMA lead writer Jonathan Snowden contributed to this article. All quotes obtained firsthand unless otherwise noted.
(This image is a placeholder, and will be replaced with a more relevant image as soon as we know what the lawsuit is actually about.)
The reported class-action lawsuit against the UFC filed by current and former fighters will be officially announced this afternoon. The communications firm Turner4D sent a notice to CagePotato.com and other MMAmedia entities yesterday afternoon, stating that the plaintiffs’ names and other details will be provided during a news conference beginning at 1 p.m. PT / 4 p.m. ET. The conference will be held at Hyatt Place San Jose/Downtown in San Jose, California. Autograph seekers are advised to wait by the bar and act cool.
CagePotato will be listening in to the proceedings via telephone machine, and we’ll type out important updates about the UFC class-action lawsuit below as we get them. Stay tuned, you guys. #TheTimeIsNow
– Even before the call starts, Greg Savage of Sherdog passes along some info: “The civil action is [titled] Cung Le, et al v. Zuffa, LLC, d/b/a Ultimate Fighting Championship and UFC…Media packet states that Cung Le, Jon Fitch and Nate Quarry are the participants in the suit…The case was filed today in the Northern District of California in San Jose. It seeks treble damages and injunctive relief under the Sherman Antitrust Act.”
(This image is a placeholder, and will be replaced with a more relevant image as soon as we know what the lawsuit is actually about.)
The reported class-action lawsuit against the UFC filed by current and former fighters will be officially announced this afternoon. The communications firm Turner4D sent a notice to CagePotato.com and other MMAmedia entities yesterday afternoon, stating that the plaintiffs’ names and other details will be provided during a news conference beginning at 1 p.m. PT / 4 p.m. ET. The conference will be held at Hyatt Place San Jose/Downtown in San Jose, California. Autograph seekers are advised to wait by the bar and act cool.
CagePotato will be listening in to the proceedings via telephone machine, and we’ll type out important updates about the UFC class-action lawsuit below as we get them. Stay tuned, you guys. #TheTimeIsNow
– Even before the call starts, Greg Savage of Sherdog passes along some info: “The civil action is [titled] Cung Le, et al v. Zuffa, LLC, d/b/a Ultimate Fighting Championship and UFC…Media packet states that Cung Le, Jon Fitch and Nate Quarry are the participants in the suit…The case was filed today in the Northern District of California in San Jose. It seeks treble damages and injunctive relief under the Sherman Antitrust Act.”
(“So…tomorrow night at Dave & Buster’s?” / Photo via MMAWeekly)
On yesterday’s installment of the Gross Point Blank podcast, UFC middleweight Cung Le revealed that he’s seeking to be released from his UFC contract. Despite having two fights remaining on his deal, Le has asked his manager Gary Ibarra to request his release.
“I’d just prefer not to be part of the UFC anymore,” Le told host Josh Gross. “I’d prefer not to put the effort into something I don’t believe in anymore.”
Le’s negative stance on the UFC stems from the dreadful way that the promotion handled his drug testing at UFC Fight Night 48 in August. In short, the UFC farmed out drugtesting for that event to a fly-by-night laboratory operation in Hong Kong that wasn’t equipped to handle enhanced PED screenings, suspended Le for nine months when his sample came back positive for elevated HGH, bumped the suspension up to 12 months when Le started to make noise about it, then canceled the suspension when it became apparent that the testing lab’s methods were a joke — but never apologized to Le publicly.
It’s not the kind of the thing that Le can easily forgive and forget. Because there was so much speculation about Le’s action-figure physique leading up to the fight, his positive test — despite its total lack of legitimacy — convinced many fans that Le was a cheater, and put a major dent in his reputation. As Gary Ibarra explained to Gross:
(“So…tomorrow night at Dave & Buster’s?” / Photo via MMAWeekly)
On yesterday’s installment of the Gross Point Blank podcast, UFC middleweight Cung Le revealed that he’s seeking to be released from his UFC contract. Despite having two fights remaining on his deal, Le has asked his manager Gary Ibarra to request his release.
“I’d just prefer not to be part of the UFC anymore,” Le told host Josh Gross. “I’d prefer not to put the effort into something I don’t believe in anymore.”
Le’s negative stance on the UFC stems from the dreadful way that the promotion handled his drug testing at UFC Fight Night 48 in August. In short, the UFC farmed out drugtesting for that event to a fly-by-night laboratory operation in Hong Kong that wasn’t equipped to handle enhanced PED screenings, suspended Le for nine months when his sample came back positive for elevated HGH, bumped the suspension up to 12 months when Le started to make noise about it, then canceled the suspension when it became apparent that the testing lab’s methods were a joke — but never apologized to Le publicly.
It’s not the kind of the thing that Le can easily forgive and forget. Because there was so much speculation about Le’s action-figure physique leading up to the fight, his positive test — despite its total lack of legitimacy — convinced many fans that Le was a cheater, and put a major dent in his reputation. As Gary Ibarra explained to Gross:
“The consensus prior to this situation was that Cung was that he was an honorable man,” Ibarra said. “A family man, a true embodiment of what martial arts is: Respect, honor, he embodied all of those things. And now his career will ever be tarnished, or forever have something of an asterisk next to it, due to something that is no fault of his own. Does anybody deserve that? No, absolutely not. I would hope the UFC would understand that and recuse themselves from further drug testing when there are no athletic commissions, and leave drug testing in the hands of people who specialize in drug testing so that this doesn’t happen again.”
At 42 years old, Le’s competitive days are running out, and he hasn’t decided yet if he’ll continue fighting. However:
“If I would fight for anyone, it would be Scott Coker,” Le said. “I would not fight for the UFC after what happened.”
Scott Coker is currently the president of the UFC’s closest rival, Bellator, but Coker and Le previously had a long and fruitful working relationship together in the now-defunct Strikeforce promotion. It seems unlikely that the UFC would let Le out of his contract just so he can skate off to Bellator. Then again, keeping a disgruntled high-profile fighter on the roster might be even more harmful. We’ll let you know how it shakes out.
If Cung Le has his way, his time as a UFC fighter is over.
Speaking with Josh Gross on the Gross Point Blank podcast, Le minced no words when discussing his feelings on the UFC’s handling of his recent drug-testing issues, flatly saying, “I prefer not …
If Cung Le has his way, his time as a UFC fighter is over.
Speaking with Josh Gross on the Gross Point Blankpodcast, Le minced no words when discussing his feelings on the UFC’s handling of his recent drug-testing issues, flatly saying, “I prefer not to put the effort into something I don’t believe in anymore.”
Cung Le asked manager Gary Ibarra to request his release from the UFC, as he just said on @yay_yee‘s podcast.
The statement by Le, who has always split time between mixed martial arts and acting, does not come as a surprise.
For those who missed it, Cung Le returned to the UFC after nearly two years in Hollywood as a personality on The Ultimate Fighter: China in a fight with mainstay middleweight Michael Bisping. During the buildup to the fight, Le posted a now-infamous photo to Instagram (which has since been removed, but can be seen here), sporting a suddenly chiseled frame at 42 years old.
While many, including Bisping, speculated that Le’s newly imposing musculature likely came from using performance-enhancing drugs, Le and Bisping underwent enhanced drug testing for their bout. Bisping and Le’s critics were initially vindicated when the kickboxer was flagged for elevated levels of HGH and subsequently suspended for a year.
However, as Le discussed appealing the suspension, news broke that the lab where his sample was tested was not WADA-approved and had actually destroyed Le’s sample following the test (which breaks from WADA protocol). Two weeks later, the UFC would rescind Le’s suspension.
It is unknown what the future may hold for Le, but he was quick to shoot down any notion that he was planning to rush to Bellator.
.@CungLe185 “Just because I asked UFC for my release doesn’t mean I will run right over to Bellator.
Worth noting, however, is that Le was also spotted recently hanging out with his former boss (and current Bellator President) Scott Coker, who built a promotion around Le in Strikeforce. It is also very possible that at age 42 he may simply become a full-time actor rather than deal with the rigors of professional athletics.
Either way, stick with Bleacher Report for more news on Le as it becomes available.
For Michael Bisping, every match is a grudge match. The TUF 3 winner never met a fellow fighter he couldn’t take the piss out of in his 21-fight (!) UFC career, and to be totally honest, I’m kind of starting to love the dude for it.
Truly the silver-tongued, tea-sipping Diaz brother is his highness Count Bisping, who has found himself in yet another war of words with former Strikeforce middleweight champion Luke Rockhold heading into their Fight Night 55 headliner on November 7th. Ben Fowlkes attempted to get to the bottom of Bisping’s seemingly endless dickishness in an interview published on MMAJunkie yesterday, and according to the Brit, pre-fight trash simply serves as his way of keeping the constant eat-train-sleep schedule from growing stale. According to Rockhold, however, Bisping is just “a prick that most people don’t like.” A regular Felix Unger and Oscar Madison these two are, I tells ya!
But as heated as Bisping vs. Rockhold has been thus far (see their “Counterpunch” segment above, their rooftop staredown, etc.), it doesn’t hold a candle to Bisping’s verbal sparring matches with Hollywood Henderson and that Bully Beatdown host guy whose life he destroyed. So it is through rage-filled, bloodshot eyes that we take a look back at Bisping’s most heated rivalries and rank them on a scale of Berk to Arselicking Plonker.
#9 — Charles McCarthy
So the saying goes, “Opinions are like assholes, and Michael Bisping is one opinionated asshole.” He’s also a guy who was never shy on confidence, which Charles “Chainsaw” McCarthy took issue with heading into their fight back at UFC 83. Oddly enough, it was actually McCarthy who attacked Bisping first through the media, telling CBS Sports:
(He’s) real arrogant, and, you know — not much else, really. He’s gonna get choked out April 19.
I have very little regard for that guy. I can’t wait to go in there and get my arm around his neck. It’s going to be a cool experience. I hope to put him to sleep before he decides to tap.
Bisping was quick to respond via his blog, The Countdown, with the following shot at McCarthy’s self-hyped BJJ credentials:
Next week’s Countdown will be filed after I’ve come face-to-face with the reigning BJJ uber-master of the galaxy. If anyone wants me to ask him for an autograph for you, please e-mail me, but keep your requests down to six per person.
When it came time to put words aside, Bisping was simply too much for his fellow TUF alum, overwhelming McCarthy with a barrage of knees (that in fact broke McCarthy’s arm) and forcing a stoppage inside of the first round. It was Bisping’s first true grudge match in the UFC, and one that would set the precedent for years to come.
For Michael Bisping, every match is a grudge match. The TUF 3 winner never met a fellow fighter he couldn’t take the piss out of in his 21-fight (!) UFC career, and to be totally honest, I’m kind of starting to love the dude for it.
Truly the silver-tongued, tea-sipping Diaz brother is his highness Count Bisping, who has found himself in yet another war of words with former Strikeforce middleweight champion Luke Rockhold heading into their Fight Night 55 headliner on November 7th. Ben Fowlkes attempted to get to the bottom of Bisping’s seemingly endless dickishness in an interview published on MMAJunkie yesterday, and according to the Brit, pre-fight trash simply serves as his way of keeping the constant eat-train-sleep schedule from growing stale. According to Rockhold, however, Bisping is just “a prick that most people don’t like.” A regular Felix Unger and Oscar Madison these two are, I tells ya!
But as heated as Bisping vs. Rockhold has been thus far (see their “Counterpunch” segment above, their rooftop staredown, etc.), it doesn’t hold a candle to Bisping’s verbal sparring matches with Hollywood Henderson and that Bully Beatdown host guy whose life he destroyed. So it is through rage-filled, bloodshot eyes that we take a look back at Bisping’s most heated rivalries and rank them on a scale of Berk to Arselicking Plonker.
#9 — Charles McCarthy
So the saying goes, “Opinions are like assholes, and Michael Bisping is one opinionated asshole.” He’s also a guy who was never shy on confidence, which Charles “Chainsaw” McCarthy took issue with heading into their fight back at UFC 83. Oddly enough, it was actually McCarthy who attacked Bisping first through the media, telling CBS Sports:
(He’s) real arrogant, and, you know — not much else, really. He’s gonna get choked out April 19.
I have very little regard for that guy. I can’t wait to go in there and get my arm around his neck. It’s going to be a cool experience. I hope to put him to sleep before he decides to tap.
Bisping was quick to respond via his blog, The Countdown, with the following shot at McCarthy’s self-hyped BJJ credentials:
Next week’s Countdown will be filed after I’ve come face-to-face with the reigning BJJ uber-master of the galaxy. If anyone wants me to ask him for an autograph for you, please e-mail me, but keep your requests down to six per person.
When it came time to put words aside, Bisping was simply too much for his fellow TUF alum, overwhelming McCarthy with a barrage of knees (that in fact broke McCarthy’s arm) and forcing a stoppage inside of the first round. It was Bisping’s first true grudge match in the UFC, and one that would set the precedent for years to come.
Bisping’s war of words with PRIDE legend Wanderlei Silva prior to UFC 110, if the Interwebs are to be believed, doesn’t seem like one that “The Count” actually started, hence its ranking on this list. By this point in his career, Bisping had already firmly established himself as one of the best trash-talkers in the business, whereas Silva was already being labeled by some people not named Michael Bisping as “a fading legend with a weird new face who is growing increasingly desperate for a win.” Still, Wanderlei struck first, stating how much he “didn’t like” Bisping (classic diss!) in several interviews during the lead-up, prompting Bisping to pretty much declare the same (albeit in slightly more comprehensible “English”). Words were shared between the two at the UFC 110 pre-fight press conference (see above), and a week later it was on, son.
The fight itself was a pretty back-and-forth affair, but thanks to a late knockdown at the end of the third and the most brutal guillotine attempt you will ever see in your life, “The Axe Murderer” had the last laugh, emerging victorious by unanimous decision.
Cung Le never had a bad word to say about nobody, and by all accounts appears to be an incredibly well-spoken, humble guy. Of course, this can only mean one thing (if you’re Michael Bisping): He’s a phony. A big, fat phony.
And because Le was/is such an obvious phony, Bisping felt obliged to tell every two-bit reporter in shouting distance how much of a phony Le was in the weeks before their Fight Night 48 scrap. Like during this fan Q&A, for instance:
I went to Macao for the launch press conference with Cung Le in June, and I was very polite, very professional. I exchanged all the pleasantries, gave him all the small talk as you are supposed to in these situations, and I even went as far as pretending to be absolutely blown away that he’s apparently friends with Channing Tatum. … Then I see him on UFC.com doing a Fight Club Q&A and he’s talking a load of bulls–t about me. Basically, he’s jumped on the same old, boring bandwagon everyone else who fights me does, which is to say what a smack-talker I am while, as always, they are the ones who talk crap first. What a phony. If he had a problem with me then he could have spared me all the boring anecdotes about Channing Tatum.
You see, in Michael Bisping’s mind, calling someone a phony who talks trash behind your back while simultaneously talking trash behind *their* back is in no way hypocritical. It makes total sense, actually, and somehow makes you appear as the victim in a situation that you are totally fueling. Have I mentioned how much I love this guy?
Anyways, the fight was nothing short of spectacular, and arguably Bisping’s best performance in the octagon to date. Both fighters trading heavy shots for four rounds and wobbled each other on multiple occasions, but it was Bisping’s renowned cardio and crisp boxing that ultimately sealed him the victory via TKO. Cung Le’s face has never recovered.
Perhaps the most fascinating thing about each of Michael Bisping’s rivalries (the most consistent, anyway) is how quickly they seem to spark from the smallest catalyst. Bisping’s ability to create something from nothing is second to none — like watching a small snowball roll down a mountainside, accumulating mass and gathering speed by the second, until it takes out a bus full of blind orphans who just happened to be taking that route for their yearly field trip. What Kseniya Simonova is to sand painting, Michael Bisping is to schoolyard displays of masculinity, and I say that not as a criticism, but as a compliment of his ability to sell a grudge match where none seemingly exists.
Take the genesis of his beef with Vitor Belfort, for instance. According to Bisping, the whole thing started when he heard through the grapevine that Belfort had called him “a hooligan.” Seems innocent enough, right? That word may have a bit more context behind it when applied to British folk, but being called a hooligan is way lighter than, say, being called an potato-faced little sh*teater with dicks for fingers, right?
Wrong. Bisping lashed out a Belfort almost immediately, telling him to stick the apologetic text messages he had been sent “up his ass” (Belfort’s ass, that is) and calling the Brazilian a “cheater” for hitting so many people in the back of the head over the years. Again, I should clarify that illegally kneeing an opponent while he’s down and spitting on his cornermen is one thing, but hitting people in the back of the head is entirely something else. To Michael Bisping.
In any case, pissing off “TRTor” turned out to be a huge mistake for The Count, and after a couple of intense staredowns, Belfort proceeded to channel his inner Major Payne and put his foot right upside Bisping’s head at UFC on FX 7. Surely this lesson in humility would mark the very last time Bisping engaged in pre-fight trash-talk…
JK, you guys! Bisping’s very next fight against Alan Belcher would be a particularly heated affair, rife with some of The Count’s most scathing insults to date. Hyeah!!!
Although Bisping originally dismissed Belcher’s callouts as yet another case of some a-hole trying to become famous off his good name, he simply couldn’t help himself after the two were paired together in the co-main event of UFC 159. Bisping first took to his blog to drop some sick burns about how Belcher had stunk up the joint against Yushin Okami at UFC 155 (a sentiment that Belcher would probably agree with) and how he had probably detached his retina due to watching too much Internet porn. He then dubbed Belcher “some retard from Mississippi” and threatened to “smack the stupid look” off his face during their pre-fight presser. While I don’t personally think that smacking a retard would be a great move from a publicity standpoint, such is Count Bisping.
While Belcher didn’t deliver much in terms of witty repartee, he did promise to knock Bisping out, which was something that fans has been praying to see ever since that time Bisping was knocked out in the fight before this one. But unfortunately, neither Bisping nor Belcher delivered on the hype, and the fight equated to little more than an above-average sparring session. Until Bisping rendered Belcher unable to continue due with a particularly vicious eye poke in the third round, that is, and secured a technical decision victory.
Accidental or otherwise, the eye poke earned Bisping even more heat than usual from irate fans, who could only take solace when the MMA Gods evened the scales a few months later.
You can tell a given point in time is momentous when a simple date won’t suffice.
