They say a picture is worth a thousand words, yet when we stumbled upon this poster for Invicta FC 5 — which goes down on April 5th from Kansas City — we were left with only questions. A few of the most pertinent being:
– Have DreamWorks and Invicta partnered up? Because the only logical explanation for the amount of Photoshop on this poster is that it is part of a subtle cross-promotion for The Croods.
– Why does everyone’s stomach look like Earthworm Jim? Also, does anyone have a copy of Earthworm Jim 3D I can borrow?
They say a picture is worth a thousand words, yet when we stumbled upon this poster for Invicta FC 5 – which goes down on April 5th from Kansas City – we were left with only questions. A few of the most pertinent being:
– Have DreamWorks and Invicta partnered up? Because the only logical explanation for the amount of Photoshop on this poster is that it is part of a subtle cross-promotion for The Croods.
– Why does everyone’s stomach look like Earthworm Jim? Also, does anyone have a copy of Earthworm Jim 3D I can borrow?
Being a “contributor” for CagePotato.com is kind of like being a barback at a seedy nightclub in Tijuana. We stock the bar with booze, ice, and clean glassware while staying in the shadows hoping to God that we don’t get yelled at. We try to help out wherever we can so the star bartenders (Ben Goldstein, Jared Jones, Elias Cepeda and Seth Falvo) can toss bottles of shitty Tequila like juggling pins while they pour fruit-flavored cocktails to semi hot chicks that they will inevitably hump later on. A contributor cleans up puke, empties ashtrays and eats shit from all the “made men” (both writers and tenured comment section dick-heads) here at CagePotato but it really is a great gig. Can you imagine the sloppy seconds that Danga sends our way?
Needless to say, most of the day-to-day MMA related news topics are taken care of by the staff writers and that leaves aspiring dipshits like me and Hutchinson to try and come up with a fresh or entertaining story idea on our own. Well, this idea is not fresh but it could be entertaining (at least my portions will be, but I have hope for Hutch since he is the guy who brought the word “dicknailed” to the CP). When Jon Fitch was released from his UFC contract last week, I wanted to write a piece on which higher profile fighters I would cut next if I were part of the UFC brass. Because opinions are like buttholes, Hutch had a thought to debate several of the choices in a YAY or NAY style. Before anyone starts hollering about Clay Guida, Jake Shields or the entire cast from the first season of The Ultimate Fighter (that means you Koscheck) take note that we agreed on more than we disagreed and in the spirit of pointless arguments opted to leave the most obvious offenders out. Let’s get started.
Being a “contributor” for CagePotato.com is kind of like being a barback at a seedy nightclub in Tijuana. We stock the bar with booze, ice, and clean glassware while staying in the shadows hoping to God that we don’t get yelled at. We try to help out wherever we can so the star bartenders (Ben Goldstein, Jared Jones, Elias Cepeda and Seth Falvo) can toss bottles of shitty Tequila like juggling pins while they pour fruit-flavored cocktails to semi hot chicks that they will inevitably hump later on. A contributor cleans up puke, empties ashtrays and eats shit from all the “made men” (both writers and tenured comment section dick-heads) here at CagePotato but it really is a great gig. Can you imagine the sloppy seconds that Danga sends our way?
Needless to say, most of the day-to-day MMA related news topics are taken care of by the staff writers and that leaves aspiring dipshits like me and Hutchinson to try and come up with a fresh or entertaining story idea on our own. Well, this idea is not fresh but it could be entertaining (at least my portions will be, but I have hope for Hutch since he is the guy who brought the word “dicknailed” to the CP). When Jon Fitch was released from his UFC contract last week, I wanted to write a piece on which higher profile fighters I would cut next if I were part of the UFC brass. Because opinions are like buttholes, Hutch had a thought to debate several of the choices in a YAY or NAY style. Before anyone starts hollering about Clay Guida, Jake Shields or the entire cast from the first season of The Ultimate Fighter (that means you Koscheck) take note that we agreed on more than we disagreed and in the spirit of pointless arguments opted to leave the most obvious offenders out. Let’s get started.
SMITH: CUT ‘EM
I was indifferent at first when it came to Frank Mir, but thanks to him beating the shit out of that weirdo Wes Sims in their rematch and then welcoming the former/current sports entertainer, Brock Lesnar, to the world of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu back at UFC 81, I took a liking to Mr. Mir. Sadly, those warm and fuzzy feelings have dissipated since he magically bulked up (really really really really fast by the way – just sayin’) and decided to conjure his inner Magnus Ver Magnusson while he dedicated himself to strength training with former World’s Strongest Man competitor Mark Philippi. For the record, the Fingal Fingers kick serious ass but I digress.
Mir has always shown that he does not mix the concrete milkshakes into his diet because all of his losses have come via KO or TKO and most of them have been pretty brutal. Then again, getting punched in the face by 250+ pound dudes is not exactly like getting beaten with a pillow. If Daniel Cormier is able to manhandle him, Mir’s walking papers get stamped and FREAKSHOW fights against a guy named Warpath await.
HUTCHINSON: KEEP ‘EM Frank may be a little bit of a douche and is most certainly an asshole but there is no denying the man’s talents. For starters, Mir holds the record for most fights in the UFC heavyweight division AND most submissions in the heavyweight division AND most finishes in the heavyweight division AND he’s fought 5 different UFC champions AND beat four of them AND really I could go on and on like this but that would be a run-on sentence AND on CagePotato we like to keep it grammatically correct. Take into account the two-year layoff from the sport of MMA after a devastating motorcycle accident — all the while he was in his prime mind you — and that makes his later accomplishments all the more impressive.
Argue price all you want but as a former champion, interim champion and being the only one to ever submit (as well as one of two to KO) Big Nog, I say he’s underpaid. Ok, maybe not underpaid but I’d say he’s earned it. In 22 fights he’s only been to a decision 3 times and all 6 of his losses have come by way of KO. So when Mir steps in the ring you can bet one of two things will happen: We’ll see some slick jiu-jitsu or Mir gets that smug smirk knocked off his face. Either way, the fans win. Think of the fans, Nathan!
HUTCHINSON: CUT ‘EM Real talk, guys. If Bisping wasn’t British would he be anything more than an average mid-level fighter? Allow me to spell it out here. Another former Ultimate Fighter winner who got there by beating the likes of Kristian Rothaermel, Ross Pointon, and finally Josh Haynes, one of whom you might actually know. He was then gifted fights against journeymen like Eric Schafer and Elvis Sinosic, both of whom are no longer Zuffa employees. A bullshit win over Matt Hamill and a loss to Rashad Evans forced the Brit down to middleweight where, not long after, Chris Leben introduced “The Count” to his inevitable moniker of “pillow fists,” and went so far as to encourage Bisping to take advantage of some free unanswered shots to his face.
At this point in his career, the UFC decided he would make a perfect coach for his own season of The Ultimate Fighter. Why you ask? Because “FUCK YOU” that’s why. The season set up a fight against Dan Henderson which also marked his first real test against an established top tier fighter, and I’m going to stop the walk down memory lane right there. His career since has followed the exact same path to the same outcome. He gets matched up with a couple of low- to mid-level fighter – WINS – and then gets destroyed by anyone close to the top ten.
This would all be well and good if we didn’t have to listen to the guy talk about being a top fighter who deserves a title shot every time someone sticks a microphone in his face. In fact, I doubt the microphone even matters. Can you imagine what it would be like getting a pint at the pub with this guy? One minute you’re sipping a beer and maybe playing darts and the next you’ve got Bisping standing on the pool table screaming that he will kill the next wanker that mentions Anderson Silva because “I’m one of the best middleweights in the world. Dana said so…Dana said” . . . . . then he collapses into a tear soaked pile on the floor.
This is a guy who:
A. If not for his country of origin, would never have had his name anywhere near talks of a title shot.
B. Based off his performances against top guys is way fucking overpaid at $275,000. That kind of cash could get us almost three Robbie Lawlers and that in my opinion is a far stronger investment all around.
SMITH: KEEP ‘EM
I know. I know. More often than not, The Count acts a lot more like The Count because of his “I could not give less of a shit” attitude during interviews, blog posts or press conferences but the fact remains — he is always in shape for a fight. Granted, the Wolf’s Lair is probably not the best gym he could be at, and a move to a more technical training facility in the US or Canada would probably benefit his career, but he is always game for a scrap. Was he spoon-fed outclassed opponents in order to pad his record early in his UFC career? Maybe. Probably. OK, YES! But he beat all of those opponents and if you doubt it just ask Matt Hamill who I assume is a top-selling telemarketer since his retirement. I am going to hell for that one.
Has Bisping lost to every big name fighter he has faced? Yes, but he is still a big draw in Europe. All the UFC has to do is have Bisping headline or co-main the FX or FUEL cards twice a year in the UK [Ed. note:You mean “UFC on FS1 UK” cards] and that will justify his paltry salary from the gate money alone. Besides, the UFC doesn’t have very many heels, and since Josh Koscheck is probably going to be on a lot of fishing trip vacations at with his BFF Jon Fitch in the near future, I say keep The Count around for shits and giggles even though he is heading into the twilight of his career at the ripe age of 34. God dammit that makes me feel really old. Thank goodness there is not an age bias for being a porno cameraman or I might find myself in the unemployment line really soon as well.
SMITH: CUT ‘EM
“If you aren’t cheating — you aren’t trying and it’s only cheating if you get caught.” I don’t know who said that but they are smarter than these chicks and once you are a cheater you are always a cheater in the eyes of the fans. Overeem went on a 1-4 losing skid back in 2006-7 which saw him lose to names like Arona, Nogueira, Rua and Kharitonov but he did pick up his only victory over a guy named Michael Knaap in a fight that took place in his native Netherlands. After that, the natural 205’er blew up like Magnus Ver Magnusson (that’s right – 2 WSM drops in 1 post – bring back the Hussafell Stone god dammit) and was straight killing fools in Japan. The dude physically looked like he was about to star in a porno where he was going to overpower and then totally plow a Predator, but we knew the dirty truth and were just hoping for the best even though it was just a matter of time before he pissed hot. Awe . . . . . . screw it . . . . . . he kicked Lesnar’s guts back into fake fighting so he isn’t all that bad. But now that his body has pulled physiology on him – he needs to get on the tread mill and hope to Christ that DW really likes him because after JDS turns his head into a speed bag and he gets his walking papers, The Demolition Man will have a tough time pan-handling because nobody is giving a 6’ 6” yoked dude that looks like a super villain any coin at a Netherland’s off ramp.
HUTCHINSON: KEEP ‘EM
No comment. (Ed. note: That is compelling stuff, Hutch.)
On the next page: two more TUF winners whose best days are in the rear-view.
In the latest installment of our Street Fight Funhouse video series*, MMA fighter/comedian Gerald Harris overdubs some dialogue for a street-fight that ends with a brutal soccer kick KO from an over-protective mother. Stay tuned for more of our street-fight remixes, and follow Gerald on twitter @GHurricane.
* Ed. note:We were planning to have this up last week, but I had to figure out how to put videos into other videos and make them link to those videos, and blah blah blah Brittney Palmer, but you’ll see what I mean at the end of this one.
In the latest installment of our Street Fight Funhouse video series*, MMA fighter/comedian Gerald Harris overdubs some dialogue for a street-fight that ends with a brutal soccer kick KO from an over-protective mother. Stay tuned for more of our street-fight remixes, and follow Gerald on twitter @GHurricane.
* Ed. note:We were planning to have this up last week, but I had to figure out how to put videos into other videos and make them link to those videos, and blah blah blah Brittney Palmer, but you’ll see what I mean at the end of this one.
(A slice of feta, roasted garlic, and sun-dried tomato pizza priced at $8.99? We *must* be in the rough part of town.)
When a fighter attempts to cheat or manipulate the system in the world of mixed martial arts, say by faking a glove tap and diving for a takedown, and is knocked unconscious as a result of his own dickishness, we usually chalk it up to Karma and call it a day. However, when a similar situation arises in everyday American society, it is not only acknowledged by those around it, but is often validated with a lawsuit.
Professional mixed martial artist Chael Sonnen is suing his business partner and the co-owner of his West Linn restaurant, claiming he embezzled $20,000 and owes Sonnen another nearly $23,000 in borrowed money and unpaid rent.
The lawsuit filed earlier this month in Clackamas County Circuit Court also seeks to oust Lee Gamble, who co-owns Mean Street Pizza with the Ultimate Fighting Championship fighter, from the limited liability corporation the pair run.
My God, I haven’t seen irony that…ironic since Sonnen called out Lance Armstrong for PED usage while simultaneously using PED’s. Fraud is no laughing matter, but are any of you Taters finding as much hilarity in this story as we are?
(A slice of feta, roasted garlic, and sun-dried tomato pizza priced at $8.99? We *must* be in the rough part of town.)
When a fighter attempts to cheat or manipulate the system in the world of mixed martial arts, say by faking a glove tap and diving for a takedown, and is knocked unconscious as a result of his own dickishness, we usually chalk it up to Karma and call it a day. However, when a similar situation arises in everyday American society, it is not only acknowledged by those around it, but is often validated with a lawsuit.
Professional mixed martial artist Chael Sonnen is suing his business partner and the co-owner of his West Linn restaurant, claiming he embezzled $20,000 and owes Sonnen another nearly $23,000 in borrowed money and unpaid rent.
The lawsuit filed earlier this month in Clackamas County Circuit Court also seeks to oust Lee Gamble, who co-owns Mean Street Pizza with the Ultimate Fighting Championship fighter, from the limited liability corporation the pair run.
My God, I haven’t seen irony that…ironic since Sonnen called out Lance Armstrong for PED usage while simultaneously using PED’s. Fraud is no laughing matter, but are any of you Taters finding as much hilarity in this story as we are?
In their other lives, UFC stars Chael Sonnen and Rashad Evans suit up and become television analysts for Fuel TV. It was in this role Saturday night that Chael Sonnen experienced the latest negative consequence of his mouth writing a check his…well, in this case I guess it was a check that Dan Henderson’s ass couldn’t cash.
Before UFC 157, Sonnen the analyst said that he’d lick Rashad Evans’ shoe if his long-time Team Quest training partner Henderson lost to Lyoto Machida in their featured bout Saturday night. After Machida won a split decision over Henderson Chael made good on his promise and made sweet mouth love to Evans’ shoe.
Yes, that was a needlessly disgusting sentence and this post is somewhat pointless in the grand scheme of Saturday’s historic event. But you’re a damn liar if you’re telling me you didn’t press ‘play’ on the video above to watch ‘The American Bad Ass’ French kiss Rashad’s boot once you read the headline.
In related news, Henderson isn’t surprised that one of the judges managed to somehow think he won the fight against Machida, he’s apparently upset that all three didn’t.
“I won the fight, but not officially. I hit him whenever he wanted to fight. He ran away most of the time,” Hendo said at the UFC 157 post fight press conference.
Listen, the fight was close-fought and the judges had to pay attention but there is no question that Machida landed the harder shots and more often, mostly thwarted Hendo’s wrestling while doing more with his own offensive wrestling and ground work than the former two-division champ did. Yes, Machida made Henderson whiff with many of his leaping over hand rights and left hooks but I’d hardly call that “running.”
Was Henderson surprised that his opponent would try to strategically stay out of range until he was ready to throw his own shots? Had he seen Lyoto Machida fight before?
In their other lives, UFC stars Chael Sonnen and Rashad Evans suit up and become television analysts for Fuel TV. It was in this role Saturday night that Chael Sonnen experienced the latest negative consequence of his mouth writing a check his…well, in this case I guess it was a check that Dan Henderson’s ass couldn’t cash.
Before UFC 157, Sonnen the analyst said that he’d lick Rashad Evans’ shoe if his long-time Team Quest training partner Henderson lost to Lyoto Machida in their featured bout Saturday night. After Machida won a split decision over Henderson Chael made good on his promise and made sweet mouth love to Evans’ shoe.
Yes, that was a needlessly disgusting sentence and this post is somewhat pointless in the grand scheme of Saturday’s historic event. But you’re a damn liar if you’re telling me you didn’t press ‘play’ on the video above to watch ‘The American Bad Ass’ French kiss Rashad’s boot once you read the headline.
In related news, Henderson isn’t surprised that one of the judges managed to somehow think he won the fight against Machida, he’s apparently upset that all three didn’t.
“I won the fight, but not officially. I hit him whenever he wanted to fight. He ran away most of the time,” Hendo said at the UFC 157 post fight press conference.
Listen, the fight was close-fought and the judges had to pay attention but there is no question that Machida landed the harder shots and more often, mostly thwarted Hendo’s wrestling while doing more with his own offensive wrestling and ground work than the former two-division champ did. Yes, Machida made Henderson whiff with many of his leaping over hand rights and left hooks but I’d hardly call that “running.”
Was Henderson surprised that his opponent would try to strategically stay out of range until he was ready to throw his own shots? Had he seen Lyoto Machida fight before?
In any case, Henderson gets the right to complain about this decision (and perhaps everything else he complains about, ie. losing title shots that he himself voluntarily gave up, Anderson Silva ‘ducking’ him even though ‘The Spider’ smoked him in under two rounds, Jon Jones existing, etc.) when he admits that he was lucky to get decisions in some of his biggest career fights. Go ahead, re-watch his all-time great fight against Mauricio “Shogun” Rua that made him the #1 Contender, his split decision win over Yuki Kondo and his title fight against Murilo Bustamante.
The honest truth is that Dan Henderson is one of this writer’s favorite fighters and one of the best and most fearless competitors in the sport’s history. This is why it hurts so much to hear him veer into Matt Hughes smack-talking, excuse-making territory more and more often.
Suck it up, get back to the drawing board and do what you do best, Dan – kick ass. Don’t let Chael Sonnen’s shoe licking have happened in vain.
(Don’t worry, Julian, at least this moment was not forever immortalized by the power of the internet. That would be *super* embarrassing.)
If BG’s recaps are any indication, this season’s The Ultimate Fighter appears to be void of most of the fabricated, frat boy drama that has plagued countless seasons before it, opting rather for a more straightforward, yet stylistic focus on the fights themselves. And while TUF has undoubtedly matured after some 17 seasons, that isn’t to say that the showhas completely rid itself of the kind of unsightly characters reality television oft shines a light on. This season’s Julian Lane is none other than Robert “Bubba” McDaniel, a relentless a-hole who thus far has both bashed teammate Gilbert Smith for being mentally weak the day before he was scheduled to fight and unsuccessfully attempted to troll Kevin Casey into a fight using tactics usually saved for elementary school playgrounds (or the comments section of BloodyElbow).
So while a few of us were discussing McDaniel’s douchiness in the comments section of our latest recap, we (we being ReX) got to thinking: Who was the least likable fighter in TUF History?
After the jump lies a poll with the most obvious offenders (Browning, Lane, Koscheck the participant, Koscheck the coach, etc.) for you to choose from, along with an “Other” option in case you feeling like calling out some of the lesser-known but equally offensive jackwagons to enter the TUF household. I cannot stress enough that I have never entered the TUF household. I’ll announce the results at some point tomorrow, because I do what I want, when I want. OK, you can include me as an option for that statement alone.
(Don’t worry, Julian, at least this moment was not forever immortalized by the power of the internet. That would be *super* embarrassing.)
If BG’s recaps are any indication, this season’s The Ultimate Fighter appears to be void of most of the fabricated, frat boy drama that has plagued countless seasons before it, opting rather for a more straightforward, yet stylistic focus on the fights themselves. And while TUF has undoubtedly matured after some 17 seasons, that isn’t to say that the showhas completely rid itself of the kind of unsightly characters reality television oft shines a light on. This season’s Julian Lane is none other than Robert “Bubba” McDaniel, a relentless a-hole who thus far has both bashed teammate Gilbert Smith for being mentally weak the day before he was scheduled to fight and unsuccessfully attempted to troll Kevin Casey into a fight using tactics usually saved for elementary school playgrounds (or the comments section of BloodyElbow).
So while a few of us were discussing McDaniel’s douchiness in the comments section of our latest recap, we (we being ReX) got to thinking: Who was the least likable fighter in TUF History?
After the jump lies a poll with the most obvious offenders (Browning, Lane, Koscheck the participant, Koscheck the coach, etc.) for you to choose from, along with an “Other” option in case you feeling like calling out some of the lesser-known but equally offensive jackwagons to enter the TUF household. I cannot stress enough that I have never entered the TUF household. I’ll announce the results at some point tomorrow, because I do what I want, when I want. OK, you can include me as an option for that statement alone.
RESULTS
With 33.9% of the vote, TUF 8 alum and terrorizer of Taiwanese townspeopleJunie Browning shall henceforth be known as the most reprehensible scoundrel in the long line of reprehensible scoundrels to have paraded through the halls of TUF manor.
In a distant second place, none other than TUF 16′s Julian Lane with 25% of the votes, which just edged out the combination of coach/participant Josh Koscheck (24.9%).
In the “Other” category, TUF 1‘s Bobby Southworth collected 14 of 95 votes, somewhat ironically edging out “fatherless bastard” (his words, not mine) Chris Leben, who took in 10 votes. And to the scholar who wrote-in TUF 7′s Luke Zachrich for the sake of obscurity, congratulations. Game recognizes game.
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