Tag: Funny Shit

For FOX Sake: Five Things We’d Like to See During This Weekend’s ‘UFC on FOX 3? Broadcast


(Is there anyway we could get the guy on the far right to…what’s the word I’m looking for….leave?) 

Since the UFC has made its conversion to a major network, they’ve had their fair share of ups and downs. Their first event, though featuring a match that could headline any pay-per-view, was little more than an hour long infomercial for the sport, topped off by the shortest title fight this side of Andrei Arlovski’s flash knockout of Paul Buentello back at UFC 55. Their second event was forced to shuffle around its main card participants as a result of Mark Munoz’s grisly injury, resulting in two mediocre bouts and a tepid main event. And don’t even get us started on Jon Jones’ commentary.

However, not all is lost (unless we’re talking about last week’s TUF ratings. Bazinga!), for this Saturday’s card promises to deliver the kind of head-to-toe action that mainstream and hardcore audiences alike have been waiting for. It’s got a Diaz, a Miller, a cartoon character, and a mythical swamp beast on its main card alone, so what could possibly go wrong? But just in case the Zuffa brass are looking for a few extra pointers from a fan’s perspective, we’ve compiled the following list of five things that would surely elevate UFC on FOX 3 above that of its predecessors. Enjoy, and let us know what other improvements could be made to the UFC on FOX in the comments section.

5. Tito Ortiz Return to his Role as a Ringside Commentator

FOX is a network that prides itself on being the voice of the simple, common man. And there is perhaps no man simpler than that of Tito Ortiz. Let’s be real here; Ortiz’s night of commentary at Affliction: Day of Reckoning was easily the funniest Goddamn moment in the history of MMA, bar none. Brian Fantana could not muster one-tenth of its hilarity if he were to report on every Panda birth from here to Chongqing, and we should give “The People’s Champ” another go-around for comedic purposes only. Besides, when was the last time ringside commentary really blew your mind? We love Joe Rogan and all, but we’d be much more inclined to stick around after the fight if there was a possibility that the announcer in question would suffer an aneurysm whilst trying to determine his next word.


(Is there anyway we could get the guy on the far right to…what’s the word I’m looking for…leave?) 

Since the UFC has made its conversion to a major network, they’ve had their fair share of ups and downs. Their first event, though featuring a match that could headline any pay-per-view, was little more than an hour long infomercial for the sport, topped off by the shortest title fight this side of Andrei Arlovski’s flash knockout of Paul Buentello back at UFC 55. Their second event was forced to shuffle around its main card participants as a result of Mark Munoz’s grisly injury, resulting in two mediocre bouts and a tepid main event. And don’t even get us started on Jon Jones’ commentary.

However, not all is lost (unless we’re talking about last week’s TUF ratings. Bazinga!), for this Saturday’s card promises to deliver the kind of head-to-toe action that mainstream and hardcore audiences alike have been waiting for. It’s got a Diaz, a Miller, a cartoon character, and a mythical swamp beast on its main card alone, so what could possibly go wrong? But just in case the Zuffa brass are looking for a few extra pointers from a fan’s perspective, we’ve compiled the following list of five things that would surely elevate UFC on FOX 3 above that of its predecessors. Enjoy, and let us know what other improvements could be made to the UFC on FOX in the comments section.

5. Tito Ortiz Return to his Role as a Ringside Commentator

FOX is a network that prides itself on being the voice of the simple, common man. And there is perhaps no man simpler than that of Tito Ortiz. Let’s be real here; Ortiz’s night of commentary at Affliction: Day of Reckoning was easily the funniest Goddamn moment in the history of MMA, bar none. Brian Fantana could not muster one-tenth of its hilarity if he were to report on every Panda birth from here to Chongqing, and we should give “The People’s Champ” another go-around for comedic purposes only. Besides, when was the last time ringside commentary really blew your mind? We love Joe Rogan and all, but we’d be much more inclined to stick around after the fight if there was a possibility that the announcer in question would suffer an aneurysm whilst trying to determine his next word.

4. Alan Belcher Walk Out of the Octagon Unassisted 

We know this one’s a long shot, but suffice it to say, we’d rather not have a fight on a major television network end with a man screaming in pain like dying rabbit as a result of his opponent’s incompetency, his own stubbornness, or a combination of the two. Though it may seem like the bookies have already written him off, we actually have a little more faith in “The Talent” than we originally let off. The guy’s a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu blackbelt with great hands to boot, so perhaps he’ll be able to stifle the limb mangling power of Rousimar Palhares. We’re just praying that we don’t have to see someone’s appendage torn from the rest of their body on live television (that’s right, I brought it back).

3. This.

(Props to RubberDucky for reminding us of how glorious a gif this truly is.) 

Swap out Paulo Thiago with Johny Hendricks and you pretty much have it.

2. Also, Lots and Lots of These 
 

The middle finger is basically the last bastion of American freedom, which would make the Diaz brothers its flag waving supporters. No network/fight promotion team supports the basic freedoms of Americans more than FOX and the UFC. The right to bear arms, the right to free speech, equal rights for women; the UFC and FOX have rallied behind the best of them, so why not support perhaps the most American gesture in the country’s history? Being a New Yorker, I am perhaps more versed in the art of the bird than most, and I can honestly tell you that when I am flipped off by some bitch and/or bastard in the car behind me for brake-checking his/her tailgating ass, I am filled with a sense of patriotism that is truly indescribable. If UFC fighters didn’t live in fear that their love for this country could cost them their jobs, we guarantee that this beautiful gesture would become a highlight of fight nights from this day forth. There aren’t many similarities between your average fighter and your average couch potato, but this could be one area where we could all share a common connection, if only for a couple of seconds at a time.

1. Pat Barry Break Out the Techno Viking

Pat Barry is a man of many faces. On one hand, he’s a guy who will decapitate you with a high kick in the blink of an eye. On the other, he’s a karaoke-singing goofball with a penchant for releasing funny videos on them Interwebs. In his last octagon appearance, Barry followed up a first round starching of Christian Morecraft with a tribute to “planking,” despite the fact that planking had already been long forgotten about and replaced by owling. So if Barry is looking to get real old school (re: 2007) with his Internet trendology, he should unleash his dead-on Techno Viking impression, as seen above. either during his entrance or immediately after KO’ing Lavar Johnson (granted he is able to). It would go viral faster than Diego Sanchez’s exorcism routine and be ten times as awesome to witness. If you’re still our friend, Pat, please make this happen. We are still buddies, right?

-J. Jones

[VIDEO] Insult Bob Sapp & Win a Chance to Corner Him at CFC 21 in Australia!


(Just don’t expect a chance to offer him advice in between rounds.) 

As you surely know by this point, Potato Nation, we are not the biggest fans of Bob Sapp. The man known as “The Beast” manages to somehow set the bar lower each time he steps into the ring, to the point that, if you don’t offer him a way out of the fight, he will simply collapse like he was hit with a stray bullet and roll around on the ground until the referee steps in. In fact, it’s safe to say that when all is said and done, Bob Sapp will probably go down as the worst fighter in the sport’s history (though from a technical standpoint, he is still leagues beyond Robert Burneika). And apparently we aren’t the only ones who share this sentiment.

But let today, May 2nd, 2012, forever be known as the day that Sapp redeemed at least part of his sham of a career, if not all of it. Fed up with all the “keyboard warrior” criticisms he has received in the past…ten years (many of which find their way to his Wikipedia page), Sapp is giving all you haters the chance to nut up or shut up. After Bob takes on Mariusz Pudzianowski at KSW 19 on May 12th, he will square off against UFC veteran Soa Palelei at CFC 21 in Australia just six days later. To help promote the event, Sapp is not only giving one lucky “fan” a chance to corner him for the fight, but he will also give said fan $300, a round trip ticket to Australia, hotel accommodations, and VIP access to the event.

And what do you have to enter this contest, you ask? The answer is simple: Create a video demonstrating your admiration or hatred of Bob Sapp and why you’d like to be in his corner, and post it on your Youtube account. We know, right? This contest is practically designed for you angst-ridden SOB’s.

Check out the video, along with the full contest details, after the jump. 


(Just don’t expect a chance to offer him advice in between rounds.) 

As you surely know by this point, Potato Nation, we are not the biggest fans of Bob Sapp. The man known as “The Beast” manages to somehow set the bar lower each time he steps into the ring, to the point that, if you don’t offer him a way out of the fight, he will simply collapse like he was hit with a stray bullet and roll around on the ground until the referee steps in. In fact, it’s safe to say that when all is said and done, Bob Sapp will probably go down as the worst fighter in the sport’s history (though from a technical standpoint, he is still leagues beyond Robert Burneika). And apparently we aren’t the only ones who share this sentiment.

But let today, May 2nd, 2012, forever be known as the day that Sapp redeemed at least part of his sham of a career, if not all of it. Fed up with all the “keyboard warrior” criticisms he has received in the past…ten years (many of which find their way to his Wikipedia page), Sapp is giving all you haters the chance to nut up or shut up. After Bob takes on Mariusz Pudzianowski at KSW 19 on May 12th, he will square off against UFC veteran Soa Palelei at CFC 21 in Australia just six days later. To help promote the event, Sapp is not only giving one lucky “fan” a chance to corner him for the fight, but he will also give said fan $300, a round trip ticket to Australia, hotel accommodations, and VIP access to the event.

And what do you have to enter this contest, you ask? The answer is simple: Create a video demonstrating your admiration or hatred of Bob Sapp and why you’d like to be in his corner, and post it on your Youtube account. We know, right? This contest is practically designed for you angst-ridden SOB’s.

We’ll give Sapp this; the man has no shame. Or shirts. These are two areas in which we are alike. But unlike us, Sapp actually chooses to address his haters, and deserves at least a little bit of respect for doing so. We know, we never thought we’d actually write the words “Bob Sapp” and “respect” in the same sentence either. Anyway, the contest rules are as follows:

1. Create a 30 second video bashing Sapp’s pathetic, meaningless existence on this planet and why you could be the cornerman to turn it all around.
2. Post your video on your Youtube channel and place it in the reply section of the above video. The video must contain the address “Youtube.com/BobSappTV” at some point.
3. Title your video “BobSappTV Video Contest.”
4. NO PROFANITY

You must be over the age of 21 and have a valid passport to enter. The winner will be chosen on May 13th.

Now, we know some of you possess the ability to be funny from time to time. The same goes twice over for your ability to insult, and we wouldn’t have it any other way. Given a muse as great as Sapp, we imagine you could cause some serious emotional damage in a 30 second time frame. We’re talking “send the last fragile remnants of Sapp’s intestinal fortitude crashing to the ground in a hail of metaphorical gunfire” kind of damage. You owe it to yourself, and to the MMA community for that matter, to enter this contest. And if the chance to watch Bob Sapp get viciously KO’d (or hilariously flop) in person isn’t enough to spur your interest, then we’ll give a t-shirt to the best entry sent to [email protected]. Sound good? Then dust off your Panasonic AG-450 S-VHS Reporter camcorders and put your time-tested trash-talking skills to the test!

-J. Jones

Gallery: 12 GIFs of Josh Koscheck Wrecking His Opponents or Acting Like an Asshole

It’s the Ultimate Fighting Championship, not the Ultimate Friendship Championship. Nobody understands that better than UFC welterweight Josh Koscheck. In the Octagon, he’s an aggressive beast whose heavy hands and wrestling prowess have made him a perennial top-5 contender. In daily life, he’s kind of a dick. (Those are Dana White, Brian Ebersole, and Paul Daley‘s words, not ours.) In honor of Koscheck’s co-headlining fight against Johny Hendricks at this Saturday’s UFC on FOX 3: Diaz vs. Miller event, we’ve collected 12 of the most Kostastic gifs we could find on the Internet. Enjoy…

It’s the Ultimate Fighting Championship, not the Ultimate Friendship Championship. Nobody understands that better than UFC welterweight Josh Koscheck. In the Octagon, he’s an aggressive beast whose heavy hands and wrestling prowess have made him a perennial top-5 contender. In daily life, he’s kind of a dick. (Those are Dana White, Brian Ebersole, and Paul Daley‘s words, not ours.) In honor of Koscheck’s co-headlining fight against Johny Hendricks at this Saturday’s UFC on FOX 3: Diaz vs. Miller event, we’ve collected 12 of the most Kostastic gifs we could find on the Internet. Enjoy…

[VIDEO] The UFC on FOX Danavlog in Which We Play Peeping Tom on Urijah Faber

Rosie O'Donnell Urijah Faber twitter
(Urijah’s lowest moment as an MMA fan? One can only ponder…)

This weekend, the UFC will make its glorious return to the only network that can bash gay rights and advertise Glee within the same half hour. We’re talking about FOX, of course. Featuring Jim Miller vs. Nate Diaz in a probable number one lightweight contender bout, a grudge match between Josh Koscheck and Johny Hendricks (because every fight with Kos is inherently a grudge match), a fight that will more than likely require the use of a stretcher, and a heavyweight sure-to-be-slugfest between Pat Barry and Lavar Johnson, it’s looking like UFC on FOX 3 has the potential to erase the memories of a rather forgettable second event and a rather brief first one. Not that we were complaining, because free fights are free fights.

And to get us hyped for the event, Dana White recently released one of his patented Danavlogs in which he catches Urijah Faber ogling over himself while on the set of TUF 15. It makes TOTAL SENSE if you don’t think about it. We gotta admit though, watching The Baldfather giggle like a school girl at Urijah’s expense makes us long for the days of his shock pen pranks that we came to know and love. [*looks over shoulder nostalgically and sighs*] 

Check out the video after the jump. 

Rosie O'Donnell Urijah Faber twitter
(Urijah’s lowest moment as an MMA fan? One can only ponder…)

This weekend, the UFC will make its glorious return to the only network that can bash gay rights and advertise Glee within the same half hour. We’re talking about FOX, of course. Featuring Jim Miller vs. Nate Diaz in a probable number one lightweight contender bout, a grudge match between Josh Koscheck and Johny Hendricks (because every fight with Kos is inherently a grudge match), a fight that will more than likely require the use of a stretcher, and a heavyweight sure-to-be-slugfest between Pat Barry and Lavar Johnson, it’s looking like UFC on FOX 3 has the potential to erase the memories of a rather forgettable second event and a rather brief first one. Not that we were complaining, because free fights are free fights.

And to get us hyped for the event, Dana White recently released one of his patented Danavlogs in which he catches Urijah Faber ogling over himself while on the set of TUF 15. It makes TOTAL SENSE if you don’t think about it. We gotta admit though, watching The Baldfather giggle like a school girl at Urijah’s expense makes us long for the days of his shock pen pranks that we came to know and love. [*looks over shoulder nostalgically and sighs*] 

And while we’re on the subject of pranks, specifically those of the shock pen variety, check out this video of two Brazilian television show hosts attempting to prank Chael Sonnen with the combination of a fake nose and an aforementioned shock pen. Perhaps there’s some kind of language/cultural barrier here, but in our opinion, it did not go as planned. Skip to the 5:20 mark for the “prank” in question.

Before you tell us; we know its a slow news day. Just enjoy the videos you sons a’ bitches.

-J. Jones

Prediction: Tim Kennedy Will Be the Next Zuffa Fighter to Be Fired Over Tweets

We love Strikeforce middleweight Tim Kennedy. He fights hard, he’s hilarious and he’s a veteran Special Forces badass. That’s why it is unfortunate that Kennedy will likely be the next dude to get fired over tweets if he continues to tweet as he’s recently tweeted. (There’s a special place in hell for writers that use both the noun and verb forms of the fake word “tweet” in a single sentence, I’m sure.)

Here at CagePotato, we’re the last group of people to be easily offended, but we’re just trying to send an advance warning to Señor Kennedy. Recent twitter posts of his have included many elements of any get-your-ass-fired social media cocktail: References to rape, singling out people of certain religions for bodily harm, and shotguns.

To promote his newest disturbingly funny spoof video, Kennedy posted the following on twitter yesterday:

We love Strikeforce middleweight Tim Kennedy. He fights hard, he’s hilarious and he’s a veteran Special Forces badass. That’s why it is unfortunate that Kennedy will likely be the next dude to get fired over tweets if he continues to tweet as he’s recently tweeted. (There’s a special place in hell for writers that use both the noun and verb forms of the fake word “tweet” in a single sentence, I’m sure.)

Here at CagePotato, we’re the last group of people to be easily offended, but we’re just trying to send an advance warning to Señor Kennedy. Recent twitter posts of his have included many elements of any get-your-ass-fired social media cocktail: References to rape, singling out people of certain religions for bodily harm, and shotguns.

To promote his newest disturbingly funny spoof video, Kennedy posted the following on twitter yesterday:

“If you want me to mentally rape your mind you need to watch this video. It’s the trailer for Swan Lake starring me.”

Fans can also extrapolate that Kennedy isn’t Team Romney from this post over the weekend:

“Is it wrong that I honk and wave at Mormons as they ride by on their bikes trying to get them to crash?”

And on April 22nd, when Kennedy follower @jere562 asked the fighter, ”if #zombies were roaming the streets and one was a celebrity, who would it be and what weapon would you use to kill them?”, Kennedy replied:

@jere562 all [of] the cast members of the Jersey shore, and the Kardashian family. Shotgun”

First of all, we’d argue that If Kennedy is annoyed by the nice young ladies of Keeping up With the Kardashians, he has no one to blame but himself. You either watch that shit on mute or stick to pictures and videos of Kim Kardashian on the web, like us.

Secondly, yes, Kennedy’s tweets were tongue-in-cheek and funny. But that didn’t save Miguel Torres, who was fired after quoting a comedy television show on twitter. If UFC President Dana White does end up warning or punishing Kennedy, he might at least realize that if one tells a roster of hundreds of fighters to get active on twitter, it would be helpful to provide them with some very specific guidelines.

Kennedy is walking the line, here, especially in light of Anheuser-Busch’s recent warning on fighter behavior. Here’s hoping he doesn’t get in trouble, but if Kennedy does get canned, I think we can all agree that this is how he’d want to be remembered:

– Elias Cepeda

A Word to the Wise: Don’t Ever F*ck With Urijah Faber’s Mom


(She taught you well, Urijah.) 

Whether or not you’re a fan of former WEC featherweight champion and current number one bantamweight contender Urijah Faber, you’ve got to admit that the guy is one tough son of a bitch, figuratively speaking of course. Aside from his story involving an insane run-in with members of the (an?) Indonesian mob, the dude single-handedly tore a hole in Cecil People’s bullshit “leg kicks don’t hurt” argument by offering his first pair of legs as a sacrifice to Jose Aldo at WEC 48. In fact, Faber might just be the toughest kid in all of California, considering that, when he isn’t beating the shit out of people, he’s bustin’ caps in their dreams.

And apparently it runs in the family. Not only is his sister recovering smoothly from the November car accident that left her in a coma for eight days, it appears that his mother, Suzanne, is now helping rid California of cat burglars. Yes, cat burglars are a thing.

Check out the full story, complete with photos, after the jump. 


(She taught you well, Urijah.) 

Whether or not you’re a fan of former WEC featherweight champion and current number one bantamweight contender Urijah Faber, you’ve got to admit that the guy is one tough son of a bitch, figuratively speaking of course. Aside from his story involving an insane run-in with members of the (an?) Indonesian mob, the dude single-handedly tore a hole in Cecil People’s bullshit “leg kicks don’t hurt” argument by offering his first pair of legs as a sacrifice to Jose Aldo at WEC 48. In fact, Faber might just be the toughest kid in all of California, considering that, when he isn’t beating the shit out of people, he’s bustin’ caps in their dreams.

And apparently it runs in the family. Not only is his sister recovering smoothly from the November car accident that left her in a coma for eight days, it appears that his mother, Suzanne, is now helping rid California of cat burglars. Yes, cat burglars are a thing.

Why anyone, let alone an able-bodied man, would ever want more cats than zero is beyond us. Be that as it may, Mrs. Faber was house sitting for a friend recently when one of these sick individuals tried to make off with her friend’s cat, which was named “either Snowball or Patches,” authorities claimed. We feel obligated to tell you that that very last bit was a complete fabrication, but this next part isn’t; not only did Faber’s mom manage to find a realistic enough looking gun to hold the “thief” at bay until the police arrived, she did it on her birthday.

“The California Kid” was quick to congratulate her, tweeting:

Happy B-day to my beautiful mom Suzanne today. Still feisty, just caught a burgler w a pellet gun. Held him off till the cops arrived … he thought she was using a real gun … She was house sitting, & found this High powered pellet gun. Looks dangerous enough.

Faber also tweeted photos of the gun and the thief being apprehended, which we’ve placed below.

Kids these days, with their fancy, semi-dangerous weaponry. Remember when a piece of PVC pipe and a potato could keep you entertained for days? (Author’s note: If no one makes some kind of sick sexual joke here, I will be severely disappointed.) 

Word has it that Faber’s mom gave the robber the option of waiting for the police or spending 30 seconds in that pool. He took a seat almost immediately.

-J. Jones