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Memorial Day: Five Fallen UFC Heroes to Commemorate This Weekend

(Let me guess — ‘27 Dresses‘ was on TBS again.)

We’re just moments away from the official start of Memorial Day weekend, a sacred American tradition in which people across the country drink beer at backyard barbecues in honor of the brave men and women who have given their lives defending this country. While you’re giving it up for the military, please take some time to consider those who have passed on in the UFC. And don’t forget to come back to CagePotato.com tomorrow night for our liveblog of UFC 130: Rampage vs. Hamill…

EVAN TANNER

A one-time middleweight champion of the UFC, Evan Tanner struggled with addiction and financial problems during the later part of his career. Tanner got sober in 2008, but died just a few months later during a fateful adventure in the Southern California desert. And though he didn’t always treat himself kindly, Evan left behind a legion of fans and friends who revered him for his generosity and positive attitude — much like TapouT founder Charles “Mask” Lewis, who also happened to be fond of the word ‘Believe.’

LOGAN STANTON AND NATASHA WICKS

(Let me guess — ‘27 Dresses‘ was on TBS again.)

EVAN TANNER

LOGAN STANTON AND NATASHA WICKS

They were adorable, energetic, and clearly too good for this world. Former Octagon Girls Logan and Natasha were summarily fired after less than a year on the job, for no good reason. Though they still pop up here and there, the UFC ring girl pit is just a little less interesting without them.

RANDY COUTURE

(The Natural contemplates his own tooth after his loss at UFC 129.)

Randy Couture’s durability and longevity is the stuff of sports legend. But it’s time to face facts — he ain’t coming back from this one. After an awe-inspiring 14-year career, the 47-year-old says he doesn’t want to be the Brett Favre of MMA. Which is a good thing, since Megan Olivi gets enough weiner-pics texted to her as it is. (You can thank me and McCorkle for that.)

CHAEL SONNEN

Well, maybe “hero” is the wrong word for this guy. But until he gets re-licensed to fight, all we have left is a fading memory of Sonnen’s tenacious wrestling, verbal bombast, and tragic submission defense.

Honorable mention:
DANA WHITE’S HAIR, BOSTON ACCENT, AND ABILITY TO GET THROUGH A 30-SECOND INTERVIEW WITHOUT SAYING “FUCK”

Never forget.

– Ben Goldstein

Trash Talkin’ Kids T-Shirt Design Contest: Voting Begins Now!

(The “Ace”: Coming soon from Trash Talkin’ Kids.)

Thanks so much to everybody who sent in submissions for last week’s Trash Talkin’ Kids t-shirt design contest. We were overwhelmed by the number — and sheer stupidity! — of your designs, and we honestly had a blast going through them. With the help of our friends at Trash Talkin’ Kids, we picked out eight finalists based on humor, creativity, and effort. To see all of the submissions, head over to facebook.com/trashtalkinkids, where they’ve uploaded the finalists plus a bunch more entries that didn’t quite make the cut.

And now we need your votes to make this thing official. Please check out the Elite 8 after the jump, and vote for your favorite in the poll at the bottom of the page. The two highest-voted designs will both be receiving actual TTK shirts. Winners will be announced Thursday. Aaaaaand go!

(The “Ace”: Coming soon from Trash Talkin’ Kids.)

(Jay L.)

(Gavin M.)

(Justin K.)

(Steve T.)

(David G.)

(Michael P.)

(RWilsonR)

(Chris C.)

Tito Ortiz Linked to Bizarre Murder Conspiracy Court Case

(You need how much? Damn. OK, but I want some new XXL leather headrests for my G6.)

According to a story that appeared in the Las Vegas Review Journal today, former UFC light heavyweight champ Tito Ortiz has been tied to a murder conspiracy court case that involves a father who is accused of hiring a hitman to kill his son, who is alleged to have slept with both his father’s ex-wife and ex-girlfriend before testifying in February that his old man had used $160,000, which he fraudulently obtained through a burglary insurance scam, to fuel his crack habit.

You know a family is dysfunctional if it make’s Tito’s seem like the Cleavers.

Apparently the only reason Tito’s name got out in reference to the case is that the accused, Keith Harriman, who is petitioning to get a Nevada state appointed lawyer due to financial reasons put up a $500,000 bond to be able to leave jail and live under house arrest until the trial is over and he revealed when pressed that “The Huntington Beach Bad Boy” fronted him the cash.

(You need how much? Damn. OK, but I want some new XXL leather headrests for my G6.)

You know a family is dysfunctional if it make’s Tito’s seem like the Cleavers.

Apparently the only reason Tito’s name got out in reference to the case is that the accused, Keith Harriman, who is petitioning to get a Nevada state appointed lawyer due to financial reasons put up a $500,000 bond to be able to leave jail and live under house arrest until the trial is over and he revealed when pressed that ”The Huntington Beach Bad Boy” fronted him the cash.

According to the report, Keith Harriman’s brother, Wayne Harriman, a used car salesman from Las Vegas, was the person Ortiz credits with mending his relationship with UFC president Dana White.

Keith’s son Dominick was shot at least nine times Aug. 27 while working at Wayne Harriman’s car lot. The shooter was never identified, but according to Keith Harriman, the hit could have been a result of his son’s sordid past and criminal history or the fact that he was was an informant for the U.S. Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA).

No word on when the movie comes out, but it’s likely that Ortiz will be played by one of these two actors.

MMA Photo Tribute: Fighters and Random-Ass Celebrities

(Chuck Liddell poses with ‘Taboo’, co-host of Our Time.)

We have no idea how most of these encounters came about — but we’re sure they were all fairly awkward. Here are 21 of our favorite photos of MMA fighters rubbing shoulders with reality show stars, B-list actors, and aging rock royalty. Ah, the perks of fame…

(Cain Velasquez: The meat in a douche sandwich.)

(Chuck Liddell poses with ‘Taboo’, co-host of Our Time.)

(Cain Velasquez: The meat in a douche sandwich.)

(“…so then I snuck into Paul Walker’s trailer, put my balls on his forehead, and took a picture of it! You should have seen his face! Hahahaha! With my balls on it! Oh man!”)

(Rosie O’Donnell and her adopted son Urijah.)

(Tito Ortiz with Donnie Wahlberg, former New Kid on the Block and current brother of the guy who produces Entourage.)

(“Ay dawg, lemme use ‘Honky Cat‘ for my next walkout song.”)

(“Sure lady, I’ll sign your ti–HOLY FUCK YOU’RE CINDY CRAWFORD.”)

(“And I guess at that moment I realized that perhaps it was me that had the nasty ass stank breff the whole time.”)

(Verne Troyer actually trains jiu-jitsu. His grappling dummy is a Teddy Ruxpin.)

(Carlos Santana still needs a lot of work on that fist-pose.)

(Rashad Evans with Ice-T and his freaky wife Coco.)

(“That’s right, baby, a starring role in the next Steven Soderbergh flick. Now come on, you can trust Uncle Mickey.”)

(Jon Jones shares war stories with 50 Cent, chokes out Jay Leno.)

(Dan Hardy steals some metal essence from Pantera’s Vinnie Paul.)

(Nothing impresses LL Cool J more than a giant watch.)

(Roger Huerta and Laura Prepon, in happier times.)

(Rampage, please just read the teleprompter.)

(Forrest Griffin with Ton Jones of ‘Auction Hunters’. Now *that’s* random…)

(Fedor Emelianenko, Jean-Claude Van Damme, and their dates.)

Six Reasons Nick Diaz Needs More Money

(Apparently, California’s hands-free law doesn’t apply to giving both fingers to a videocamera.)

By Jason Moles

For quite some time now Strikeforce Welterweight Champion Nick Diaz has complained at great length about how he wants more money. Apparently earning a cool $175,000 (not including sponsorships) for treating Paul Daley like a punching bag just isn’t enough. Who could blame him though, what with gas prices topping over $4 a gallon? All kidding aside though (yeah, right!) here are the top six reasons Diaz needs to get some Mayweather money:

Hire A Personal Interviewer

As we’ve said in the past, Nick Diaz is the best/worst interview in the entire world. However, after taking Dana’s advice about learning to play the game, Nick is going to have to hire his own private interviewer/translator. With a new found favor in the media’s heart, he’s sure to finally make bank. Warning to anyone who takes this job: Don’t start $%*#, won’t be $%*#!

Pay Exorbitant Amount of Money for his Sponsors

(Apparently, California’s hands-free law doesn’t apply to giving both fingers to a videocamera.)

By Jason Moles

Hire A Personal Interviewer

Pay Exorbitant Amount of Money for his Sponsors

Although it may seem counter intuitive to ask for more money just so you can pay for someone else to do something, this is not the case. Diaz will pay the UFC $100,000 just so he can have a logo slapped on his ass and get a lifetime supply of free rolling papers – something this Stockton native couldn’t possibly get enough of.

Good Lawyers Aren’t Cheap

Step 1: Jump innocent bystander. Step 2: Throw water bottle at same bystander’s head. Step 3: Profit? Yeah, we’re scratching our head too. Mayhem Miller got banned from CBS and Showtime for his part in the infamous Strikeforce Brawl — on national television no less, while Diaz continued his streak of dominance and retained his championship belt. Miller ends up on the bottom of a dog pile while getting curb stomped by the Scrap Pack and Diaz is the center of the most shared picture of the whole shebang. So how did Diaz avoid a more serious punishment? He called in a few favors. Unfortunately for him, if he doesn’t pay up soon, he’ll be making appearances at birthday parties and family reunions until he’s old enough for the Senior discount at Old Country Buffet.

Munchies

Smoke, train, eat munchies, smoke, slap b*thches, smoke, train, smoke, eat munchies, practice mean-mug, smoke, and finally eat more munchies. Eventually it adds up.

Needs to Hire Steven Seagal

First it was Anderson Silva dropping Vitor Belfort like a sack of bricks with an thunderous kick to the face. Bet he didn’t expect that, bro. Then it was Lyoto Machida crane kicking the dentures out of past his prime, washed up Grandpa Couture. How’s that saying go? “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.”? OK, we get it. Grand Master Seagal is a badass that shouldn’t be #$@%&*! with and he’s the equivalent of a rabbit’s foot in your corner. If Nick wants to challenge himself and rake in some serious dough, he’ll need to solve the riddle that is GSP and his Superman punch. Only one man knows the answer.

A Bigger House…

Forget what Scott Coker said, Nick wants a house that’s not in the 209. Who could blame him? Sometimes it’s just nice to not have to worry about getting shot up in a drive by or having your rims jacked while you’re sleeping after a hard training session down at Cesar’s. Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to afford to pay someone else to cook your food and wash your laundry? Speaking of washing, we know just the guy to show you the ropes in the real estate market.

MMA Photo Tribute: Dana White’s Incredible T-Shirt Collection

(“Wait, you’re giving this to me for *free*? My goodness, I’ve stumbled onto the perfect crime!”)

Much like myself, Dana White pretty much lives in t-shirts. It’s his trademark, like Don King’s hair, or Mark Pavelich’s eyebrows. The difference is, DW usually gets paid to wear his t-shirts. Like I said last week, Dana’s torso is the best viral advertising platform on basic cable. So, in honor of our unhealthy fascination with this man, here are 24 noteworthy Dana-in-a-t-shirt photos, along with some brief analysis.

(Wearing a t-shirt that references a local sports team is one of the easiest ways to be liked by strangers. In the pro-wrestling world, they refer to this sort of thing as a “cheap pop.”)

(“Wait, you’re giving this to me for *free*? My goodness, I’ve stumbled onto the perfect crime!”)

(Wearing a t-shirt that references a local sports team is one of the easiest ways to be liked by strangers. In the pro-wrestling world, they refer to this sort of thing as a “cheap pop.”)

(…or, you can just wear a shirt that references how dangerous a city is.)

(Often credited as a pioneer of mixed martial arts, Bruce Lee is a personal hero of Dana’s. Both of these shirts are available at brucelee.com)

(Dana often likes to remind us that he doesn’t listen to pussy-ass music; he likes the good stuff. But come on, we all have our guilty pleasures. DW’s gotta have at least one Bieber shirt hiding in the closet.)

(You can take the boy out of boxing, but you can’t take boxing out of the boy.)

(Dickhouse is the production company behind the Jackass series. At the time this photo was taken, the first trailer for ‘Jackass 3.5‘ had just come out; Jackass 3D would be released on DVD a month later.)