(26. Stare at this picture of Dana White for 45 minutes. / Photo via Getty)
The gap between fights on FS1 broadcasts is massive. We realized it was senseless to just watch all the commercials. Instead, let’s all be productive with our time. Here’s a list of several (but not all) things you can do during the huge amount of time in between fights.
1. Watch several fights from a previous UFC PPV on Fight Pass.
2. Go get ice cream or pizza.
3. Perform the recommended amount of daily exercise.
4. Read a chapter from the latest trendy YA novel.
5. Try to educate the heathens next to you at Buffalo Wild Wings about the finer points of MMA.
6. Do DDP Yoga.
7. Read a chapter from Matt Hughes‘ autobiography (don’t worry, it’s not exactly War and Peace).
(26. Stare at this picture of Dana White for 45 minutes. / Photo via Getty)
The gap between fights on FS1 broadcasts is massive. We realized it was senseless to just watch all the commercials. Instead, let’s all be productive with our time. Here’s a list of several (but not all) things you can do during the huge amount of time in between fights.
1. Watch several fights from a previous UFC PPV on Fight Pass.
2. Go get ice cream or pizza.
3. Perform the recommended amount of daily exercise.
4. Read a chapter from the latest trendy YA novel.
5. Try to educate the heathens next to you at Buffalo Wild Wings about the finer points of MMA.
6. Do DDP Yoga.
7. Read a chapter from Matt Hughes‘ autobiography (don’t worry, it’s not exactly War and Peace).
8. Calculate how much interest you’ll earn from your savings account this year.
9. Come up with a better tagline for the upcoming TUF than “Easy on the eyes, hard on the face.”
10. Try to explain the concept of _______ to the average MMA fan (there’s a lot of different ways to go with this one).
11. Try to explain “Alpha Male Shit” to a person with a functioning brain.
12. Illegally download the terrible action film they’re hawking on the broadcast that night, watch it in three-minute installments.
The answers to both questions are reflected in the atrocious t-shirt you see above. As a tongue-in-cheek reference to its notorious use of jobbers and palookas, the Xplode Fight Series has launched a charity drive called “Tomato Can MMA,” in which it will (allegedly) donate a can of food to a food bank or homeless shelter for every one of its “Melon” t-shirts that are purchased. (Just $19.99 plus $4.95 shipping!) As you read these words, there’s a homeless guy in Escondido farting out two cans’ worth of sauerkraut, all thanks to the philanthropic souls at XFS.
This is the worst MMA-related t-shirt in history, hands down. The phrase on the shirt — “Don’t let my melons get in the way of your CANS!™” — is cringe-worthy, and basically incoherent when you think about it. (Although I do like the ironic usage of the trademark symbol, as if anybody would steal any of this.) Obviously, the message is printed in comic sans, beloved font of dull children and sociopaths.
(Yes, this is a real shirt, and not a cut-scene from Leisure Suit Larry.)
The answers to both questions are reflected in the atrocious t-shirt you see above. As a tongue-in-cheek reference to its notorious use of jobbers and palookas, the Xplode Fight Series has launched a charity drive called “Tomato Can MMA,” in which it will (allegedly) donate a can of food to a food bank or homeless shelter for every one of its “Melon” t-shirts that are purchased. (Just $19.99 plus $4.95 shipping!) As you read these words, there’s a homeless guy in Escondido farting out two cans’ worth of sauerkraut, all thanks to the philanthropic souls at XFS.
This is the worst MMA-related t-shirt in history, hands down. The phrase on the shirt — “Don’t let my melons get in the way of your CANS!™” — is cringe-worthy, and basically incoherent when you think about it. (Although I do like the ironic usage of the trademark symbol, as if anybody would steal any of this.) Obviously, the message is printed in comic sans, beloved font of dull children and sociopaths.
As for the art…man, it’s not good. You’ve got a cage filled with a pyramid of tomato cans, a googly-eyed fighter walking up some stairs who appears to have been pre-Nelmarked, and a dozen other crudely-drawn white people. Only one poor soul has paid the extra charge for cageside seating, but boy oh boy, is he getting his money’s worth, as evidenced by the distance of his tongue from his mouth.
Until today, the title of Worst MMA T-Shirt Ever Created was proudly held by Alpha Male Shit’s “PC” tee. But I could actually picture a handful of morons wearing that one. Nobody in their right mind is paying $25 to rock “Melons.” Nobody.
If there is a worse MMA-related t-shirt actually available for purchase, please inform us in the comments section or shoot us a link on twitter @cagepotatomma.
After racking up over a million views with the first installment, TommyToeHold is back with another hysterical batch of EA Sports UFCglitches, as commentated by (fake) Joe Rogan and Mike Goldberg. Much respect to Tommy for putting out a sequel that’s just as funny as the original. My four favorite lines, taken completely out of context:
“Very Grudge-like, Joe.”
“Reminds me of a young Babalu.” “No he doesn’t, Mike.”
“Mike, there’s a bigfoot, he’s being strangled, Mike.”
“I have to think this is going the distance, aaaand he’s dead.”
After racking up over a million views with the first installment, TommyToeHold is back with another hysterical batch of EA Sports UFCglitches, as commentated by (fake) Joe Rogan and Mike Goldberg. Much respect to Tommy for putting out a sequel that’s just as funny as the original. My four favorite lines, taken completely out of context:
“Very Grudge-like, Joe.”
“Reminds me of a young Babalu.” “No he doesn’t, Mike.”
“Mike, there’s a bigfoot, he’s being strangled, Mike.”
“I have to think this is going the distance, aaaand he’s dead.”
(I can’t wait for the day when Bruce Buffer misreads this as Hector “Shower There” Lombard.)
I like to consider myself something of an expert when it comes to MMA nicknames (I know, hold your applause). I’ve written on the worst of the worst, the best of the best, the most ironic, and everything in between. I even once received an email from Justin McCully demanding a full retraction and apology for my ceaseless trashing of the insult to the English language he called a nickname. I never responded to him, but if you will, allow me to use this time to do just that in a language he might understand.
JuZ10 McCul-E aka “THE NSane1” IZ Not AC2ALlY IlliteR8, U GIYZ. SOrrY.
Speaking of fighters I’ll probably be getting a vitriol-filled email from in the near future, check out Hector Lombard’s incomprehensible new nickname (via a recent Facebook post):
ANNOUNCEMENT:
Hector “Lightning” Lombard and the brand has undergone a significant transformation. I wanted my new identity to satisfy my growth and perseverance as a professional competitive athlete.
From this moment on, I will be known as Hector “Showeather” Lombard. Through any ups and downs, through any injuries, wins or losses, I will always show up and do my best. I will always continue through fight THRU ANY WEATHER.
Thank you to everyone who has supported and has continue to show love and support. I’m feeling better and starting to train again, I can’t wait till the next match!
“Through any injuries, wins or losses, I will always show up and do my best. I will always continue through fight THRU ANY WEATHER.”
(I can’t wait for the day when Bruce Buffer misreads this as Hector “Shower There” Lombard.)
I like to consider myself something of an expert when it comes to MMA nicknames (I know, hold your applause). I’ve written on the worst of the worst, the best of the best, the most ironic, and everything in between. I even once received an email from Justin McCully demanding a full retraction and apology for my ceaseless trashing of the insult to the English language he called a nickname. I never responded to him, but if you will, allow me to use this time to do just that in a language he might understand.
JuZ10 McCul-E aka “THE NSane1″ IZ Not AC2ALlY IlliteR8, U GIYZ. SOrrY.
Speaking of fighters I’ll probably be getting a vitriol-filled email from in the near future, check out Hector Lombard’s incomprehensible new nickname (via a recent Facebook post):
ANNOUNCEMENT:
Hector “Lightning” Lombard and the brand has undergone a significant transformation. I wanted my new identity to satisfy my growth and perseverance as a professional competitive athlete.
From this moment on, I will be known as Hector “Showeather” Lombard. Through any ups and downs, through any injuries, wins or losses, I will always show up and do my best. I will always continue through fight THRU ANY WEATHER.
Thank you to everyone who has supported and has continue to show love and support. I’m feeling better and starting to train again, I can’t wait till the next match!
“Through any injuries, wins or losses, I will always show up and do my best. I will always continue through fight THRU ANY WEATHER.”
Gentlemen, rejoice, because everyone’s favorite ball-bustin’, cold cut connoisseur just landed himself a FOX analyst gig! HeeYEEAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!
During last night’s edition of UFC on FOX, it was announced that none other than Long Island’s own Matt Serra (and also Jake Ellenberger) will be serving as a guest analyst for this Saturday’s Fight Night 49: Henderson vs. dos Anjos card. Finally, the era of awkward on-camera fighters stuttering out base-level advice between fights will be over, as the former welterweight champion and TUF 4 alum has become somewhat infamous for his jabberjaw skills. We can only hope now that FOX doesn’t force him to pull in the reigns (or pull out his teeth).
To celebrate what will surely be the funniest night in UFC on FOX history, join us after the jump as we look back at some of “The Terra’s” finest moments.
Gentlemen, rejoice, because everyone’s favorite ball-bustin’, cold cut connoisseur just landed himself a FOX analyst gig! HeeYEEAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!
During last night’s edition of UFC on FOX, it was announced that none other than Long Island’s own Matt Serra (and also Jake Ellenberger) will be serving as a guest analyst for this Saturday’s Fight Night 49: Henderson vs. dos Anjos card. Finally, the era of awkward on-camera fighters stuttering out base-level advice between fights will be over, as the former welterweight champion and TUF 4 alum has become somewhat infamous for his jabberjaw skills. We can only hope now that FOX doesn’t force him to pull in the reigns (or pull out his teeth).
To celebrate what will surely be the funniest night in UFC on FOX history, join us after the jump as we look back at some of “The Terra’s” finest moments.
In which “The Terra” receives some strange advice from Rich Franklin
Of all the armchair advice I’ve heard Affliction shirt-clad dudebros give out at bars while watching a UFC event (“Bro, Silva needs to go for the figure 4 leg lock!” — actual dialogue from a supposed “brown belt”), nothing even comes close to Rich Franklin’s strategic words to Serra on TUF 4.
Paired against Pete Spratt in his quarterfinal matchup, Serra was looking to take things to the ground as quickly as possible. Franklin, who was the UFC’s middleweight champion at the time, suggested that Matt drop to one knee as soon as he touched gloves, because Spratt then couldn’t “kick him in the head.” How Serra, an undersized welterweight by any standard, could possibly benefit from further adding to his reach disadvantage is anyone’s guess, and Serra simply could not let such an insane piece of advice go without ridicule.
In which “The Terra” continues to berate Rich Franklin’s lemon advice
“And he says, ‘I got the idea from a kid who’s a wrestler, never been taken down. He has no legs, he’s never been taken down.’ I’m like oh, I see, you’re retarded.”
In which “The Terra” mocks the work ethic of Ken Shamrock (or lack thereof)
Matt Hughes might’ve had a good laugh over the “one knee” story, but his reaction to Serra’s verbal destruction of UFC HOFer Ken Shamrock can best be summed up in gif form.
In which “The Terra” channels a poor man’s Andrew Dice Clay
Robert Santa: “You know, did you ever think of doing stand-up?”
From spinach shakes to expressos to General Tsao’s chicken, there is literally no food item that Serra cannot craft a two-minute comedy routine around. He’s basically the Weird Al Yankovic of MMA. Or maybe the Rodney Dangerfield. Or maybe what would happen if those two had sex with a Koopa Troopa and taught the bastard offspring to fight. Yeah, definitely that last one.
In which “The Terra” is an awesome coach
Serving as the trusty sidekick to Ray Longo, Matt Serra’s cornerman work has become the thing of legend since his time on TUF 6. His voice can often be heard cutting through the empty arenas of many of today’s Fight Night cards, and is usually good for a laugh or two when he’s particularly fired up. This all culminated in the night he and Longo told Chris Weidman to “punch a hole” in Anderson Silva’s chest before reacting to Silva’s leg break by saying “Good, fuck him.” Insensitive? Sure. Unnecessary? Most definitely.
Alright, let’s move on…
In which “The Terra” takes down that smug bastard Marc Laimon
Perhaps Serra’s greatest moment: The infamous “Expert swimmer who’s never been in a pool” takedown of Jiu-Jitsu instructor Marc Laimon on TUF 4. I had never heard that specific analogy used before this season, but have used it no less than 1000 times since. Let it be known, Nation, an angry Matt Serra is the sharpest-tongued Matt Serra.
The Rodney Dangerfield-Weird Al-Koopa Troopa of MMA, ladies and gents.
We all know the story of Nick Diaz‘s barnyard hospital brawl with Joe Riggs following their legal, in-ring brawl at UFC 57, but the real question is: Have we ever seen it set to wonky animation and with actual interview clips taken from Riggs and Diaz? Until now, that answer has been a dispiriting “no,” but thankfully, MMAnimation master lookoutawhale has bequeathed us with “The Animated Tales of Nick Diaz”, and my God is it glorious.
While “Diesel” may have come away the unanimous decision win at UFC 57, it was Diaz who won the “real” war. That’s according to Diaz himself, of course, but I’ll be a monkey’s uncle if the anti-bullshit superhero would embellish even the slightest detail of a story as infamous as this. Although if you ask me, Stockton’s finest should be thanking his lucky stars that Riggs wasn’t packing heat that night. Or maybe Riggs should be.
We all know the story of Nick Diaz‘s barnyard hospital brawl with Joe Riggs following their legal, in-ring brawl at UFC 57, but the real question is: Have we ever seen it set to wonky animation and with actual interview clips taken from Riggs and Diaz? Until now, that answer has been a dispiriting “no,” but thankfully, MMAnimation master lookoutawhale has bequeathed us with “The Animated Tales of Nick Diaz”, and my God is it glorious.
While “Diesel” may have come away the unanimous decision win at UFC 57, it was Diaz who won the “real” war. That’s according to Diaz himself, of course, but I’ll be a monkey’s uncle if the anti-bullshit superhero would embellish even the slightest detail of a story as infamous as this. Although if you ask me, Stockton’s finest should be thanking his lucky stars that Riggs wasn’t packing heat that night. Or maybe Riggs should be.
