Tag: Insanity

Uh, Guys, You Might Want to Check Out What TUF 19 Finalist Corey Anderson’s Nickname Is

Ron “H20” Waterman. Justin “Nsane1” McCully. Jorge “The Naked Man” Ortiz. Just a few examples of why MMA fighters should never, ever be allowed to give themselves a nickname. And now, the latest and perhaps most tragic entry into the Bad Fighter Nickname Hall of Fame: TUF 19 finalist Corey “Beastin 25/8” Anderson.

I………………………..I just…………

Beastin 25/8. Beastin 25/8. I’ve said it aloud at least a dozen times already, placing emphasis on a different beat of the phrase each time, and I still haven’t cracked the code. Of all the combinations of all the words and numbers possible, he came up with fucking bee sting 25/8.

How have we allowed this to happen? I mean as, like, a collective species of likeminded individuals. I feel cold and ashamed and confused and cold and also ashamed.

Ron “H20″ Waterman. Justin “Nsane1″ McCully. Jorge “The Naked Man” Ortiz. Just a few examples of why MMA fighters should never, ever be allowed to give themselves a nickname. And now, the latest and perhaps most tragic entry into the Bad Fighter Nickname Hall of Fame: TUF 19 finalist Corey “Beastin 25/8″ Anderson.

I………………………..I just…………

Beastin 25/8. Beastin 25/8. I’ve said it aloud at least a dozen times already, placing emphasis on a different beat of the phrase each time, and I still haven’t cracked the code. Of all the combinations of all the words and numbers possible, he came up with fucking bee sting 25/8.

How have we allowed this to happen? I mean as, like, a collective species of likeminded individuals. I feel cold and ashamed and confused and cold and also ashamed.

There’s no way he’s always had that nickname, right? I know he’s only been competing a few years, but please, someone tell me that Corey Anderson has not been allowed to carry on with that nickname for this long.

Do you think Corey came up with it himself? Or do you think at some point during his training camp, one of his teammates saw him really cranking out those last few squats and was all like, “Man, you so tough, you don’t train 24/7, you train 25/8! You a beast, man!” and then Corey stopped dead in his tracks and was all “What did you just say?”

Can you imagine how Bruce Buffer is going to sound pronouncing this verbal diarrhea while channeling the power of Thor’s hammer with his voice? Do you think this will be the nickname that makes him finally crack and just burst out laughing like Steve Harvey on Family Fued? Bad enough Bruce is whoring out his vocal skills to set fighters voicemails these days, but now he has to be subjected to this?

Why, oh why have you forced me to rack my brain like this, Corey? Is this some kind of next level trolling, or did you serious think this was a snappy, original nickname? SOMEONE HELP ME UNDERSTAND THIS.

*********

I would just like to point out what several redditors already have, which is that Mr. Anderson’s nipples appear to have been photoshopped out and replaced with those of a pregnant steer. He also appears to have earned all 4 of his professional wins by neither submission, TKO, or decision, which says alot about his skillset as fighter. I almost want to root for him in his fight against whoever the other TUF 19 light heavyweight finalist is at the show’s finale this Sunday (?), but I simply can’t in good conscience.

Good luck, other TUF 19 finalist whose name I do not feel like looking up. I am in your corner.

–J. Jones

Aleksander Emelianenko Simply Cannot Stop Being Arrested For Horrifying Sh*t


(“Please, Mr. Bones, tell me more about this ‘persecution complex’ you speak of.”)

For a former monk or a guy who at least spent a decent amount of time around them, Aleksander Emelianenko seems to have almost no understanding of concepts like self-control, humility, or respect for his fellow man (I hear he bakes a mean pumpernickel, though). In the past year, Emelianenko non-Fedor has gone full off the deep end, assaulting an elderly man on his birthday in a Moscow cafe, terrorizing a plane full of unwitting passengers, and winding up on Russia’s “Most Wanted” list for a bizarre combination of passport theft and housekeeper abuse.

And now, he’s went and committed perhaps the most despicable act of them all: Sexual Assault. Although details remain up in the air at the moment, MMABoxing.ru is reporting that the former PRIDE star is currently in custody and facing a possible prison sentence of four-to-six years, with the charges against him including everything from theft to sexual assault. Said the unidentified victim’s lawyer:

First, the court should extend Emelianenko’s arrest, which ends June 30. And we will defend our position that he is a threat to society. Most likely, Emelianenko will get imprisonment from four-to-six years. We will insist on that.


(“Please, Mr. Bones, tell me more about this ‘persecution complex’ you speak of.”)

For a former monk or a guy who at least spent a decent amount of time around them, Aleksander Emelianenko seems to have almost no understanding of concepts like self-control, humility, or respect for his fellow man (I hear he bakes a mean pumpernickel, though). In the past year, Emelianenko non-Fedor has gone full off the deep end, assaulting an elderly man on his birthday in a Moscow cafe, terrorizing a plane full of unwitting passengers, and winding up on Russia’s “Most Wanted” list for a bizarre combination of passport theft and housekeeper abuse.

And now, he’s went and committed perhaps the most despicable act of them all: Sexual Assault. Although details remain up in the air at the moment, MMABoxing.ru is reporting that the former PRIDE star is currently in custody and facing a possible prison sentence of four-to-six years, with the charges against him including everything from theft to sexual assault. Said the unidentified victim’s lawyer:

First, the court should extend Emelianenko’s arrest, which ends June 30. And we will defend our position that he is a threat to society. Most likely, Emelianenko will get imprisonment from four-to-six years. We will insist on that.

Something tells me this poor woman’s lawyer won’t have all too difficult a time proving that Emelianenko is a “threat to society.” Multiple assaults, thefts, drunk and disorderlies…all Aleks needs is a bath salt-fueled B&E to capture the Mayhem Miller Triple Crown of Douchebaggery, for Christ’s sake.

Of course, one has to wonder how Emelianenko has managed to avoid imprisonment for the bevy of charges he was facing prior to his most recent arrest. Thankfully, I’ve done some extensive research on this subject and think I’ve come up with an answer…


Yes, goooood. Let the hepatitis flow through you.

We will have more on this story as it develops, but in the meantime, let’s just go ahead and slap a CagePotato Ban on Aleksander Emelianenko as a human being.

–J. Jones

The 15 Worst Pro Wrestling Gimmick Costumes


(Nothing says “tough guy” like fake muscles and a landing strip.)

By Shep Ramsey

Ah, professional wrestling. You blaze into our lives when MMA fails us, reminding everyone that sometimes, it’s totally okay to put on ridiculous matches with absurd stipulations and objectify women.

On second thought, we can’t even tell the difference between you both.

At least wrestling allows us to tune in and out, without the pressure of having to watch every single event. The reason we love pro wrestling so much is because, like David Wooderson says about high school girls in Dazed & Confused, we get older and they stay the same age.

If anything, pro wrestling has become more mature than its fanbase, despite the WWE’s PG-rating. One thing we have to deal with less are the bad costumes — painted-on gimmicks that were never going to work, no matter how hard they were forced down our throats.

Here are 15 of the most senseless and detestable costumes inflicted upon some good wrestlers, and some really bad ones.

15. The Goon

Guys like Tie Domi and Bob Probert were NHL sluggers in the mid-1990s, so maybe that explains The Goon’s odd inclusion into the world of pro wrestling. It would have been cool if this guy came to the ring in actual skates, instead of those platform boots that are mostly favored by goth teenagers and drag queens these days.

14. Rocky Maivia


(Nothing says “tough guy” like fake muscles and a landing strip.)

By Shep Ramsey

Ah, professional wrestling. You blaze into our lives when MMA fails us, reminding everyone that sometimes, it’s totally okay to put on ridiculous matches with absurd stipulations and objectify women.

On second thought, we can’t even tell the difference between you both.

At least wrestling allows us to tune in and out, without the pressure of having to watch every single event. The reason we love pro wrestling so much is because, like David Wooderson says about high school girls in Dazed & Confused, we get older and they stay the same age.

If anything, pro wrestling has become more mature than its fanbase, despite the WWE’s PG-rating. One thing we have to deal with less are the bad costumes — painted-on gimmicks that were never going to work, no matter how hard they were forced down our throats.

Here are 15 of the most senseless and detestable costumes inflicted upon some good wrestlers, and some really bad ones.

15. The Goon

Guys like Tie Domi and Bob Probert were NHL sluggers in the mid-1990s, so maybe that explains The Goon’s odd inclusion into the world of pro wrestling. It would have been cool if this guy came to the ring in actual skates, instead of those platform boots that are mostly favored by goth teenagers and drag queens these days.

14. Rocky Maivia

He’s one of the most popular wrestlers to ever live and he could be the greatest of all-time, but unfortunately, Dwayne Johnson’s pre-Rock costume screams “lead role in a porn spoof of Braveheart.” Seriously, what in the name of Christ were the wardrobe specialists trying to do here? No wonder fans wanted him to die. Although when it’s all said and done, the joke’s on us for not making $44 million a year to star in a profusion of C-list movies.

13. Max Moon

Max Moon is a deleted scene from The Running Man.

12. Phantasio

The most frustrating thing about Phantasio was that his build could have led to something further down the road. I’m not sure he was a good wrestler, because I can’t really remember and the last thing I want to do is give him three minutes more of my time on YouTube, but had they ditched the Phantom of The Opera shtick, this guy could have, well, been someone else. He’s just so creepy, like someone who strangely appears at the end of your wet dream for absolutely no reason.

11. Shark Boy

When TNA wasn’t worse than a Friends spinoff, they were pretty fun to watch. One of their wrestlers, Shark Boy, had commenced his gimmick in the later stages of WCW (what better place to start) and thrived under the Tennessee-based company. He was more or less a really skinny dude who wore a shark mask and spandex that looked as if he was trying to be a shark. Never has a wrestler gone so far with a child’s dollar-store Halloween costume.

BREAKING: Jason Thacker, Bobby Southworth to Be Inducted Into UFC Hall of Fame (Not Really) (But Maybe?)

(And just like that, a robot-voiced MMA fighter from the future star was born.)

Without coming off too anti-UFC (LOL!), I think we can all agree that the promotion’s Hall of Fame is about as meaningless as their rankings system, right? Aside from picking and choosing its inductees based around whoever Dana White isn’t fueding with at the moment, it’s page on UFC.com hasn’t been updated in years, so much so that recent additions Tito Ortiz, Stephan Bonnar, and Forrest Griffin are not even featured on it. Although to be fair, Ortiz probably never will.

Regardless, Dana White has been teasing his media cronies that the UFC Fan Expo at this year’s Fourth of July International Fight Week — you know, the one featuring musical guests Papa Roach, POD, and Lit (double LOL!) — will serve as the induction ceremony for the UFC Hall of Fame’s next member, as it has in years past. The big difference being that this year could serve as the induction for not just one man, but the entire cast of The Ultimate Fighter season 1 (via Fox Sports):

I think that’s a must. I think that entire season should be inducted. Without a doubt that group of people are all game changers. I’ve thought about the whole cast should be (in the hall of fame). Even the Canadian Jason Thacker — without the group of people that we had and the way the synergy worked and the way things went down, that season really launched everything.

Man, Frank Shamrock must have snapped an entire box of pencils in half when he heard this news.


(And just like that, a robot-voiced MMA fighter from the future star was born.)

Without coming off too anti-UFC (LOL!), I think we can all agree that the promotion’s Hall of Fame is about as meaningless as their rankings system, right? Aside from picking and choosing its inductees based around whoever Dana White isn’t fueding with at the moment, it’s page on UFC.com hasn’t been updated in years, so much so that recent additions Tito Ortiz, Stephan Bonnar, and Forrest Griffin are not even featured on it. Although to be fair, Ortiz probably never will.

Regardless, Dana White has been teasing his media cronies that the UFC Fan Expo at this year’s Fourth of July International Fight Week — you know, the one featuring musical guests Papa Roach, POD, and Lit (double LOL!) — will serve as the induction ceremony for the UFC Hall of Fame’s next member, as it has in years past. The big difference being that this year could serve as the induction for not just one man, but the entire cast of The Ultimate Fighter season 1 (via Fox Sports):

I think that’s a must. I think that entire season should be inducted. Without a doubt that group of people are all game changers. I’ve thought about the whole cast should be (in the hall of fame). Even the Canadian Jason Thacker — without the group of people that we had and the way the synergy worked and the way things went down, that season really launched everything.

Man, Frank Shamrock must have snapped an entire box of pencils in half when he heard this news.

Honestly, it’s hard to form much of an opinion either way on this statement given the aforementioned lack of legitimacy the UFC Hall of Fame has in the broad scope of things. Do I think that the likes of Lodune Sincaid, Josh Rafferty, and Sam Hoger deserve a spot in the Hall of Fame over the likes of Shamrock or Bas Rutten? Helllllllll no. But am I going to get up in arms over a sports entertainment company excluding some perhaps more deserved fighters from its make believe awards ceremony? Please, I’ve got Fight Pass cards to shit on.

But there you have it: It’s 2014, Kimbo Slice and Gina Carano are still making headlines, and Jason Thacker is about to be inducted into the UFC Hall of Fame. Holy shit.

–J. Jones

Just Another Reason Why PRIDE Was More Entertaining Than the UFC…

(Props: hkkaneWM2012 via r/MMA)

NOTE: Okay, the video won’t let us embed it to start at the 35:00 mark, so you’ll just have to go there yourself.

What you see above is the complete video of PRIDE Shockwave 2005, an event that featured Fedor Emelianenko, Wanderlei Silva, Mirko Cro Cop, Dan Henderson, Mark Hunt, Kazushi Sakuraba, Takanori Gomi — should we keep going? alright, then — Minowaman, Ricardo Arona, Aleksander Emelianenko, Hayato Sakurai, Giant Silva, James Thompson, Zuluzinho, Murilo Bustamante, Charles “Krazy Horse” Bennett and a main event between two Olympic judokas (Hidehiko Yoshida and Naoya Ogawa) that reportedly earned both men $2 million.

It might have been the most talent-rich MMA card in the history of the sport, and if you have seven hours to watch the whole thing, go for it. But we’ve cued it up to one moment in particular: A six minute tap-dancing presentation that leads directly into PRIDE’s traditional taiko drums and fighter introductions. That’s right, I said tap-dancing. And the crowd loved it!

The spectacle of PRIDE couldn’t possibly be sustained. (I wonder what the total fighter payroll was that night, including Yoshida and Ogawa’s $4 million?) But it’s nice to remember that for one moment in time, in one part of the world, MMA looked like this. PRIDE was wild, unpredictable, a feast for the senses, and willing to try anything to please its fans.

Or as one reddit commenter put it: “Yeah. I mean, the UFC has some videos, lights, and music which are cool and all but Pride choreographed entire fight cards.” LOL…


(Props: hkkaneWM2012 via r/MMA)

NOTE: Okay, the video won’t let us embed it to start at the 35:00 mark, so you’ll just have to go there yourself.

What you see above is the complete video of PRIDE Shockwave 2005, an event that featured Fedor Emelianenko, Wanderlei Silva, Mirko Cro Cop, Dan Henderson, Mark Hunt, Kazushi Sakuraba, Takanori Gomi — should we keep going? alright, then — Minowaman, Ricardo Arona, Aleksander Emelianenko, Hayato Sakurai, Giant Silva, James Thompson, Zuluzinho, Murilo Bustamante, Charles “Krazy Horse” Bennett and a main event between two Olympic judokas (Hidehiko Yoshida and Naoya Ogawa) that reportedly earned both men $2 million.

It might have been the most talent-rich MMA card in the history of the sport, and if you have seven hours to watch the whole thing, go for it. But we’ve cued it up to one moment in particular: A six-minute tap dancing presentation that leads directly into PRIDE’s traditional taiko drums and fighter introductions. That’s right, I said tap-dancing. And the crowd loved it!

The spectacle of PRIDE couldn’t possibly be sustained. (I wonder what the total fighter payroll was that night, including Yoshida and Ogawa’s $4 million?) But it’s nice to remember that for one moment in time, in one part of the world, MMA looked like this. PRIDE was wild, unpredictable, a feast for the senses, and willing to try anything to please its fans.

Or as one reddit commenter put it: “Yeah. I mean, the UFC has some videos, lights, and music which are cool and all but Pride choreographed entire fight cards.” LOL…

The 11 Greatest Ultimate Surrender Videos That We Can Get Away With Showing You


(“Staring down her opponent with an animalistic desire, is ScissorFox.” — Mike Goldberg)

In case you’ve never heard of it — yeah right, pervert — Ultimate Surrender is essentially the girl-on-girl porn version of submission grappling. Barely-clothed women wrestle each other through three sweaty rounds, and the winner gets to have her way with the loser at the end. According to the totally explicit, NSFW, and hilarious official website, “The quickest way to win is to make your opponent have a screaming orgasm totally against her will. In the heat of the moment it can happen easily.” Easily!

Sound like something you’d like? Well today’s your lucky day. In the name of journalistic integrity, we scoured YouTube to find the best Ultimate Surrender videos that we can post here without violating our “no actual nudity” policy. Never let it be said that CagePotato won’t go to any heights (or depths, in this case) to get the story. Enjoy…


(“Staring down her opponent with an animalistic desire, is ScissorFox.” — Mike Goldberg)

In case you’ve never heard of it — yeah right, pervert — Ultimate Surrender is essentially the girl-on-girl porn version of submission grappling. Barely-clothed women wrestle each other through three sweaty rounds, and the winner gets to have her way with the loser at the end. According to the totally explicit, NSFW, and hilarious official website, “The quickest way to win is to make your opponent have a screaming orgasm totally against her will. In the heat of the moment it can happen easily.” Easily!

Sound like something you’d like? Well today’s your lucky day. In the name of journalistic integrity, we scoured YouTube to find the best Ultimate Surrender videos that we can post here without violating our “no actual nudity” policy. Never let it be said that CagePotato won’t go to any heights (or depths, in this case) to get the story. Enjoy…


(Generic nu-metal riffs? Erotic stretching? This is just like MMA! Anyway, the action starts around the 2:11 mark.)


(And they have promotional rankings, too. Ultimate Surrender is more legitimate than I thought.)


(Wow, the voice on that blonde girl. I’d listen to her trash-talk me all day.)


(No fair, that tattooed chick looks like she actually knows how to grapple. You expect me to masturbate to a squash match?)


(I don’t care if the instructor is a fraud — *this* is the BJJ school I want to belong to.)

Six more videos await you on page 2. You know you want it.