Tag: Insanity

Here’s a Video of the Tito Ortiz-Stephan Bonnar Brawl (That Was In No Way Staged)

Tito Ortiz and Stephan Bonnar got into a brawl last night at Bellator 123.

It wasn’t a Jon Jones-Daniel Cormier brawl.

It wasn’t even a Strikeforce: Nashville brawl between Mayhem Miller and Nick Diaz’s crew.

It was a terribly phony, laughable, obviously staged “scuffle” that brought down an otherwise stellar Bellator card.

Get the rundown after the jump.

Tito Ortiz and Stephan Bonnar got into a brawl last night at Bellator 123.

It wasn’t a Jon Jones-Daniel Cormier brawl–the kind where you scream “JUST BLEED” and start shadowboxing.

It wasn’t even a Strikeforce: Nashville brawl between Mayhem Miller and Nick Diaz’s crew–the kind where your eyes can’t leave the TV screen and your heart races.

It was a terribly phony, laughable, obviously staged “fight” that brought down an otherwise stellar Bellator card.

Here’s the rundown:

Bonnar and Ortiz are in the cage. Bonnar tries to take the mic away from Jimmy Smith, who does his duty as a broadcaster and doesn’t let Bonnar take the mic. Bonnar starts insulting Tito Ortiz, saying that everyone who has ever associated with Ortiz hates him now. While Bonnar is going on this rant, you can see a guy in a mask beside him. Bonnar continues his rant and then points to the masked man.

The man begins to unmask. It’s…it’s…

Justin McCully, a former friend and training partner of Tito Ortiz.

Saying the crowd went mild would be too generous. The audience had zero reaction to McCully. This was to be expected as he was a forgettable journeyman who went 2-2 in the UFC and hasn’t fought in three years. Even some hardcore fans might not have remembered McCully, whose claim to fame is beating Antoni Hardonk and Eddie fucking Sanchez.

Then Bonnar started making Jenna Jameson references. Ugh.

It didn’t get any better when Ortiz started talking. Thankfully, he didn’t say much. He called both Bonnar and McCully drug addicts, then shoved Bonnar and a bunch of people came in to separate them. Literally five minutes later an ad ran promoting Bonnar vs. Ortiz (with clips of the “brawl” that happened minutes ago). The match will run on the same night as UFC 180, which is headlined by Cain Velasquez vs. Fabricio Werdum.

This was not MMA’s finest moment by a long shot.

Was it the dumbest thing in the history of MMA? I’ve written about MMA and dumb shit in the past, so I can safely say it’s not the dumbest. It is, however, certainly among such esteemed company as Bob Sapp fighting a cartoon character and Mayhem Miller’s tirade on the MMA Hour in terms of abject stupidity.

It’s a shame this pathetic charade had to play out during what was one of Bellator’s most exciting cards to date. Bellator is in a peculiar position. They have Scott Coker bringing in some much-needed Strikeforce vibes but then they also have the lingering remnants of Bjorn Rebney’s booking. Even when fired, one casts a shadow. In addition, it seems as if Spike/Viacom is spoiling Coker’s plans. Coker never resorted to such pro wrestling hysterics during his time at Strikeforce (the Nashville brawl wasn’t staged and nobody was “unmasked”). It’s uncharacteristic of him to suddenly do it here. If you ask us, choreographing the brawl wasn’t his doing (though he’s just as guilty for letting it happen).

Bellator became a Twitter trend last night. So if nothing else, the farce that was last night’s brawl got the casual fans interested but the cost was any and all credibility Bellator had built up since hiring Coker.

Actual Thing: The Official UFC Hot Dog Brander


(For just $14.95, you can be the biggest douchebag at the barbecue. / Props: The UFC store via Jonathan Snowden)

Well that’s just the most worthless piece of junk I’ve ever seen. And yes, you need to read the product description:

Celebrate your fandom by turning your BBQ into a real UFC fiesta with this hotdog brander! It’ll definitely be a real party the moment you lay some UFC graphics* on your favorite BBQ foods of all time! Everyone already knows you’re on fire this season**, but when they see you searing your UFC love into your hotdogs*** they’ll know better than to mess with your boys in the octagon****!


(For just $14.95, you can be the biggest douchebag at the barbecue. / Props: The UFC store via Jonathan Snowden)

Well that’s just the most worthless piece of junk I’ve ever seen. And yes, you need to read the product description:

Celebrate your fandom by turning your BBQ into a real UFC fiesta with this hotdog brander! It’ll definitely be a real party the moment you lay some UFC graphics* on your favorite BBQ foods of all time! Everyone already knows you’re on fire this season**, but when they see you searing your UFC love into your hotdogs*** they’ll know better than to mess with your boys in the octagon****!

– Allow brander to cool before touching
– Cast-iron
– Instructions included*****
– Suitable for use on hotdogs, sausage or bratwurst******
– Officially licensed

* “lay some UFC graphics”…Jesus Christ, who writes this crap? Was it you, Elliot?

** Oh my God.

*** Oh my God.

**** Oh my fucking God.

***** It’s a piece of metal, for fuck’s sake.

****** What the hell does the UFC have against knackwurst, anyway?

Renan Barao Puts Life at Risk, Makes $0.00


(Photo via Getty.)

Dana White lobbed a financial insult at Renan Barao in the wake of UFC 177.

In case you’ve been away from the Internet for the last few days: The main event of UFC 177 was supposed to be bantamweight champion TJ Dillashaw vs. Renan Barao–an unnecessary rematch of their bout from May. Barao botched his weight cut, which caused him to fall and hit his head in the shower. He was rushed to the hospital and couldn’t fight. Weight cutting is a serious health issue, but Dana White and the UFC apparently don’t care.

Insults to the ego are one thing, insults to the wallet are another. The former is naught but the buzzing of flies, but the latter stings like Head and Shoulders in the eye. Renan Barao will probably get over Joe Rogan essentially calling him an embarrassment to himself and the UFC. But will Barao get over Dana White refusing to pay him his show money? Because that’s what Dana White is doing. He’s not paying Barao.


(Photo via Getty.)

Dana White lobbed a financial insult at Renan Barao in the wake of UFC 177.

In case you’ve been away from the Internet for the last few days: The main event of UFC 177 was supposed to be bantamweight champion TJ Dillashaw vs. Renan Barao–an unnecessary rematch of their bout from May. Barao botched his weight cut, which caused him to fall and hit his head in the shower. He was rushed to the hospital and couldn’t fight. Weight cutting is a serious health issue, but Dana White and the UFC apparently don’t care.

Insults to the ego are one thing, insults to the wallet are another. The former is naught but the buzzing of flies, but the latter stings like Head and Shoulders in the eye. Renan Barao will probably get over Joe Rogan essentially calling him an embarrassment to himself and the UFC. But will Barao get over Dana White refusing to pay him his show money? Because that’s what Dana White is doing. He’s not paying Barao.

“Barao’s not making any money,” Dana White said at the post-UFC 177 media scrum. “I’m not paying Barao. Barao showed up and didn’t fight.”

Henry Cejudo, who also messed up his weight cut and couldn’t fight, did not get paid. In the scrum, White referred to Cejudo as a “kid.”

First: Don’t call an OLYMPIC GOLD MEDALIST “kid.” That’s denigrating and stupid.

Second: What the fuck, Dana?

So Cejudo and Barao don’t get paid for draining their bodies of precious nutrients because Dana White is mad at them? It wouldn’t be a shameful Dana White moment without weapons-grade hypocrisy.

Alessio Sakara got paid when he withdrew from UFC 122 the day of the event due to “flu like symptoms” but Barao and Cejudo don’t get paid? Nick Ring got paid when he had to withdraw from his UFC 154 fight when he got sick, but not Barao and Cejudo? Stefan Struve got paid at UFC 175 when he couldn’t fight, but not Barao and Cejudo?

This is as bad as when EliteXC paid a guy $1. White could have at least given Barao and Cejudo a Harley Davidson for his troubles…

Behold, The Worst MMA T-Shirt of All Time. OF ALL TIME.


(Yes, this is a real shirt, and not a cut-scene from Leisure Suit Larry.)

Today’s jumping spinning hook-kick knockout video raised a couple of uncomfortable questions. For instance: Isn’t XFS the same promotion that was plagued by a record-padding scandal earlier this year? And why was one of the cage posts advertising something called Tomato Can MMA?

The answers to both questions are reflected in the atrocious t-shirt you see above. As a tongue-in-cheek reference to its notorious use of jobbers and palookas, the Xplode Fight Series has launched a charity drive called “Tomato Can MMA,” in which it will (allegedly) donate a can of food to a food bank or homeless shelter for every one of its “Melon” t-shirts that are purchased. (Just $19.99 plus $4.95 shipping!) As you read these words, there’s a homeless guy in Escondido farting out two cans’ worth of sauerkraut, all thanks to the philanthropic souls at XFS.

This is the worst MMA-related t-shirt in history, hands down. The phrase on the shirt — “Don’t let my melons get in the way of your CANS!™” — is cringe-worthy, and basically incoherent when you think about it. (Although I do like the ironic usage of the trademark symbol, as if anybody would steal any of this.) Obviously, the message is printed in comic sans, beloved font of dull children and sociopaths.


(Yes, this is a real shirt, and not a cut-scene from Leisure Suit Larry.)

Today’s jumping spinning hook-kick knockout video raised a couple of uncomfortable questions. For instance: Isn’t XFS the same promotion that was plagued by a record-padding scandal earlier this year? And why was one of the cage posts advertising something called Tomato Can MMA?

The answers to both questions are reflected in the atrocious t-shirt you see above. As a tongue-in-cheek reference to its notorious use of jobbers and palookas, the Xplode Fight Series has launched a charity drive called “Tomato Can MMA,” in which it will (allegedly) donate a can of food to a food bank or homeless shelter for every one of its “Melon” t-shirts that are purchased. (Just $19.99 plus $4.95 shipping!) As you read these words, there’s a homeless guy in Escondido farting out two cans’ worth of sauerkraut, all thanks to the philanthropic souls at XFS.

This is the worst MMA-related t-shirt in history, hands down. The phrase on the shirt — “Don’t let my melons get in the way of your CANS!™” — is cringe-worthy, and basically incoherent when you think about it. (Although I do like the ironic usage of the trademark symbol, as if anybody would steal any of this.) Obviously, the message is printed in comic sans, beloved font of dull children and sociopaths.

As for the art…man, it’s not good. You’ve got a cage filled with a pyramid of tomato cans, a googly-eyed fighter walking up some stairs who appears to have been pre-Nelmarked, and a dozen other crudely-drawn white people. Only one poor soul has paid the extra charge for cageside seating, but boy oh boy, is he getting his money’s worth, as evidenced by the distance of his tongue from his mouth.

Until today, the title of Worst MMA T-Shirt Ever Created was proudly held by Alpha Male Shit’s “PC” tee. But I could actually picture a handful of morons wearing that one. Nobody in their right mind is paying $25 to rock “Melons.” Nobody.

If there is a worse MMA-related t-shirt actually available for purchase, please inform us in the comments section or shoot us a link on twitter @cagepotatomma.

TIL That War Machine Once Abandoned Ken Shamrock’s 17 Year Old Daughter in Mexico [VIDEO]

Leave it to Ken Shamrock to add a whole ‘nother chapter to the increasingly morbid saga that is the life of Jon “War Machine” Koppenhaver.

Koppenhaver, who was captured by US Marshals last week while hiding out in Simi Valley, California, has something of a history of violence and general sketchiness when it comes to women, you see. He’s been arrested what feels like a dozen times now for starting bar brawls, crashing a porn star’s birthday party (with his fists), and most recently, brutalizing girlfriend Christy Mack in particularly heinous fashion. He will more than likely assault a fellow inmate and/or have sex with deli meat within the following weeks, and is overall just a terrible, terrible human being who deserves none of our sympathy.

But what I (and therefore you Taters) have been wondering in these troubling times is: What does Ken Shamrock have to say about all this?

Well, strap in brothers and sisters, because shit’s about to get weird…

Leave it to Ken Shamrock to add a whole ‘nother chapter to the increasingly morbid saga that is the life of Jon “War Machine” Koppenhaver.

Koppenhaver, who was captured by US Marshals last week while hiding out in Simi Valley, California, has something of a history of violence and general sketchiness when it comes to women, you see. He’s been arrested what feels like a dozen times now for starting bar brawls, crashing a porn star’s birthday party (with his fists), and most recently, brutalizing girlfriend Christy Mack in particularly heinous fashion. He will more than likely assault a fellow inmate and/or have sex with deli meat within the following weeks, and is overall just a terrible, terrible human being who deserves none of our sympathy.

But what I (and therefore you Taters) have been wondering in these troubling times is: What does Ken Shamrock have to say about all this?

Well, strap in brothers and sisters, because shit’s about to get weird…

In a recent interview with News Diamant, Shamrock opened up about his history with Koppenhaver and how if he ever saw him again he would break his neck. Why? “Issues.”

The thing that’s sad about this is, I started Jon. When he first came into MMA, I’m the one that broke him into it in San Diego. I had issues with him. My 17-year-old daughter and Jon was 20-something years old, well he took her to Mexico and left her over there. He then ended up disappearing and I haven’t seen him since.

He’s always been hiding from me because he knows if I see him I’ll break his neck. He’s always had an issue with this and the guy needs help. He doesn’t need to do it by himself, he needs to, by the court, be put into some sort or rehab so he starts understanding. Because it doesn’t have anything to do with him naturally, it’s when he starts partying and out doing things he shouldn’t be doing.

Ok, I’m going to go ahead and call Shammy’s parenting skills into serious question here. I know hindsight is 20-20, but please, could someone with a child in their teens explain to me the circumstances in which they would allow their 17 year-old daughter go to Mexico with a 20-something MMA fighter? It’s almost as if Ken learned nothing about the dangers that lie south of the border from his star-making turn as Coach Ramsey in Scarecrow Gone Wild. 

“The World’s Most Dangerous Man” also weighed in on whether or not he thought “Dog the Bounty Hunter” would catch “War Machine” and this is already the greatest sentence I have ever written:

I don’t know if Dog will find him. I hope he does. If he does, he needs to watch himself, because Jon is a loose cannon. If they do find him they need to make sure they take every precaution as possible and not worry about [Jon’s] safety, worry about their own. 

But if they don’t catch him, somebody will turn him in. You can’t go around this long and be hiding in different places without somebody saying something. And the right thing to do is, is not to hide this guy. I’m telling you, he’s bad news.

Glad you could clear that up, Ken.

Check out a video of Shamrock’s interview above (which also features Rashad Evans and Wanderlei Silva‘s thoughts on Koppenhaver), then pray to God your son or daughter is never caught within 20 miles of a Koppenhaver or a Shamrock.

–J. Jones

Gross Video of the Day: Bas Rutten Sews Own Leg Up After Non-Alcoholic Beer Mishap

(Props: OfficialBasRutten)

Bas Rutten has been in a reflective mood lately. In addition to posting a bunch of his old Pancrase fights to his YouTube channel, Rutten also re-uploaded a classic home surgery video that all strong-stomached El Guapo fans need to see.

In 2008 (or so), Rutten accidentally broke a six-pack of non-alcoholic beer, which somehow blasted a shard of glass through his jeans and into his leg. With his wife traveling in Holland, there was nobody around to demand that he go to the hospital, so he stitched up his own gaping wound with an ordinary sewing needle and some household thread.

“I think you should just get it professionally done, dad,” his daughter says, “because you never know, like, what if something bad happens?” Her advice falls on deaf ears; Rutten saw this done in a Rambo movie, and that’s good enough for him. Eventually, Bas’s daughters get bored of the totally insane thing that is happening in front of them and start playing with the dog.

Anyway, good God this is nasty — and apparently performed with no other anesthetic than a belly full of O’Doul’s. Incredible.


(Props: OfficialBasRutten)

Bas Rutten has been in a reflective mood lately. In addition to posting a bunch of his old Pancrase fights to his YouTube channel, Rutten also re-uploaded a classic home surgery video that all strong-stomached El Guapo fans need to see.

In 2008 (or so), Rutten accidentally broke a six-pack of non-alcoholic beer, which somehow blasted a shard of glass through his jeans and into his leg. With his wife traveling in Holland, there was nobody around to demand that he go to the hospital, so he stitched up his own gaping wound with an ordinary sewing needle and some household thread.

“I think you should just get it professionally done, dad,” his daughter says, “because you never know, like, what if something bad happens?” Her advice falls on deaf ears; Rutten saw this done in a Rambo movie, and that’s good enough for him. Eventually, Bas’s daughters get bored of the totally insane thing that is happening in front of them and start playing with the dog.

Anyway, good God this is nasty — and apparently performed with no other anesthetic than a belly full of O’Doul’s. Incredible.