‘Mayhem’ Miller Held on $200K Bail, Faces 4 Charges After Police Standoff

After live tweeting a standoff with Orange County Sheriff and SWAT officers on Thursday, former Strikeforce and UFC middleweight Jason Miller is being held in Orange County Jail on $200,000 bail. 
The Orange County Sheriff’s Department provided an…

After live tweeting a standoff with Orange County Sheriff and SWAT officers on Thursday, former Strikeforce and UFC middleweight Jason Miller is being held in Orange County Jail on $200,000 bail. 

The Orange County Sheriff’s Department provided an update on Friday, noting that “Mayhem’s” latest off the wall antics netted him four criminal charges. 

At approximately 10:00 a.m. this morning, deputies attempted to serve the outstanding arrest warrant on Miller in the driveway of the residence located at 26262 Avenida Calidad. Miller fled on foot and retreated into the residence where he remained barricaded for approximately four hours … Immediately following the remote breach, Miller exited the residence through a rear door and surrendered to deputies by lying on the ground with his hands exposed. Miller was taken into custody uninjured during the incident.

Ultimately, the former Strikeforce title challenger was charged with an outstanding felony arrest warrant for domestic violence, stalking, violation of a court order and obstructing/delaying a peace officer.

FOX 11 Los Angeles managed to capture footage of Miller being arrested on Thursday.  

Inactive inside the cage since a lopsided May 2012 TKO loss to Michael Bisping, the always eccentric Miller has had several run-ins with the law since his retirement from mixed martial arts. 

Miller was charged with misdemeanor vandalism after breaking into an Orange County church, stripping naked and falling asleep on a couch 25 months ago, per the LA Times

However, those charges were eventually dropped. 

The Brazilian jiu-jitsu black belt was also charged in two separate domestic-violence incidents in a two-week period in August 2013, per Bloody Elbow

Miller is scheduled to make his first court appearance for the police standoff charges on Tuesday, October 14. 

Stay tuned to Bleacher Report for the latest news on this ongoing story. 

 

John Heinis is a featured columnist for Bleacher Report. He is also the MMA editor for eDraft.com.

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Video: Mayhem Miller Is Detained By SWAT Units Following Hours-Long Standoff

Well yesterday took a turn for the weird, didn’t it? Here I was just sitting in my office, counting down the minutes until I could punch out early without the fear of BG’s almighty hand (he’s in NYC doing casting couch sessions for aspiring writers or some shit), when suddenly, everyone’s all like, “Hey Jared, Mayhem Miller’s live-tweeting his standoff with LA S.W.A.T right now. Maybe get on that.”

I tried to brush it off at first, thinking Miller is just going on one of his crazypants bananas rants again, but upon further, journalistical research (checking my Twitter feed), I find out that, yes, Mayhem is actually doing that thing people said he was. Crazy.

Thankfully, Miller surrendered a few hours after barricading himself inside his Mission Viejo home, bringing a bizarre ending to the latest in what has been a series of bizarre incidents involving Mayhem Miller. And today, some lovely, helicopter-shot footage of Miller being apprehended has been released for us all to watch before putting our heads in our hands and asking where it all went wrong.

Though absent of the crisis negotiation team and robotic bomb squad that were apparently present at the scene, the video captures roughly a dozen SWAT members exiting Mayhem’s home with a shirtless and pink-mohawked Miller in handcuffs. In the front there is Gator Dog, calmly patrolling the poolside and wondering why the men in masks are taking away his owner for the 1000th time. This whole thing makes me sad.

After the jump: A few photos/details of the arrest and the most insultingly generalized reaction piece yet.

Well yesterday took a turn for the weird, didn’t it? Here I was just sitting in my office, counting down the minutes until I could punch out early without the fear of BG’s almighty hand (he’s in NYC doing casting couch sessions for aspiring writers or some shit), when suddenly, everyone’s all like, “Hey Jared, Mayhem Miller’s live-tweeting his standoff with LA S.W.A.T right now. Maybe get on that.”

I tried to brush it off at first, thinking Miller is just going on one of his crazypants bananas rants again, but upon further, journalistical research (checking my Twitter feed), I find out that, yes, Mayhem is actually doing that thing people said he was. Crazy.

Thankfully, Miller surrendered a few hours after barricading himself inside his Mission Viejo home, bringing a bizarre ending to the latest in what has been a series of bizarre incidents involving Mayhem Miller. And today, some lovely, helicopter-shot footage of Miller being apprehended has been released for us all to watch before putting our heads in our hands and asking where it all went wrong.

Though absent of the crisis negotiation team and robotic bomb squad that were apparently present at the scene, the video captures roughly a dozen SWAT members exiting Mayhem’s home with a shirtless and pink-mohawked Miller in handcuffs. In the front there is Gator Dog, calmly patrolling the poolside and wondering why the men in masks are taking away his owner for the 1000th time. This whole thing makes me sad.

The LA Times reports that Miller will be held on $200,000 bail and is set to appear in court on Tuesday, October 14th. In addition to the domestic violence, stalking, and criminal contempt charges he was already facing, Mayhem has been slapped with an “obstructing a peace officer” charge as well.

One has to imagine that this will be the end of the road for Miller, who has been racking up criminal charges on a near constant basis since 2012, and what a shame it has been to witness his unfortunate downward spiral. Of course, if you’re The Daily Beast’s Robert Silverman, you can just write-off Miller’s demise as a “byproduct of the sport itself”, as he did in this insultingly under-researched article published earlier today.

The MMA Fighters Have Gone Crazy: ‘Mayhem’ Miller the Latest in a Long Line of Psycho Pugilists

While there’s no conclusive link between chronic traumatic encephalopathy—a degenerative disease brought on by multiple concussions and head injuries—and domestic violence, the symptoms of CTE include impaired judgment, impulse control problems, and increased aggression.

It’s not just the repeated blows to the head. Like all major sports, the UFC prohibits the use of performance enhancing drugs, but the rules haven’t been much of an impediment to rampant use. And whether the current drug of choice is human growth hormone combined with testosterone, or old school anabolic steroids, amphetamines, and the abuse of painkillers, there’s plenty of clinical studies that show a connection to increased hostility and aggression.

On top of all that, MMA (and yes, pro football too) is exactly the kind of sport that’s going to attract the hypermasculine, as in the clinically hypermasculine; those that are known to exhibit: (a) calloused sex attitudes toward women, (b) violence as manly, and (c) danger as exciting.

Add it all up, and of course we’re going to see more Mayhem Millers in the years to come. Like dead wrestlers, this is a natural by-product of the sport itself.

Right…so because head trauma and steroid use can lead to increased aggression, we should obviously jump to the conclusion that a clearly disturbed man like Miller, or Josh Grispi, or War Machine — all of whom have never tested positive for any kind of steroid before — can only owe their insanity to those two things. Because MMA attracts “violent people,” and rather than back this argument with any kind of evidence related to the fighters on trial (medical evaluations, psychological assessments, etc.), let’s just list a couple similar conditions we found on WebMD and call it a day.

J. Jones

Jason “Mayhem” Miller Involved in Standoff with SWAT Team

Troubled mixed martial artist Jason “Mayhem” Miller is presently involved in a standoff with local police and a SWAT unit at his California home.
Update:
At 5:15 PM EST, the OCSD reported on Twitter that they had apprehended Miller after surrendering.

Troubled mixed martial artist Jason “Mayhem” Miller is presently involved in a standoff with local police and a SWAT unit at his California home.

Update:

At 5:15 PM EST, the OCSD reported on Twitter that they had apprehended Miller after surrendering.

 —End of Update—

The incident first became public knowledge through a series of ominous tweets on Miller’s Twitter account. KTLA 5, a local news station, confirmed that Miller, indeed, is involved in a serious situation involving the Orange County Sheriff’s Department.

According to the OCSD, officers approached Miller’s home to serve a warrant related to alleged domestic violence and stalking in the 26000 block. At about 10 AM, a man barricaded himself inside the home. “He retreated into the house, was uncooperative with any of the commands by sheriff’s deputies, and based on that, we established a perimeter, called out the SWAT team,” said Lt. Jeff Hallock to KTLA5 at approximately 1PM. “Now we’re in the process of establishing communication with him inside the house.”

Details regarding the domestic violence and stalking incidents that brought the police to Miller are unclear. As of this writing, Miller continues live-tweeting the escalating police presence outside his home, which you can see here.

While this is the most serious situation involving Miller, “Mayhem” is more than familiar with California authorities. The 33 year-old was arrested for allegedly assaulting his sister in 2011, and was arrested a year later for breaking into a Church. In 2013, he was arrested three times.

The retired mixed martial artist was one of the most famous personalities in mixed martial arts. Miller was a successful middleweight fighter in numerous promotions, most notably Strikeforce and Dream, and owns notable wins over current UFC contenders Robbie Lawler and Tim Kennedy. He would eventually be welcomed to the UFC in 2011, but would be released after suffering back-to-back losses to Michael Bisping and CB Dollaway. He is also known for his appearances on television shows such as American Ninja Warrior and Bully Beatdown.

Details are still breaking, so stick with Bleacher Report for more news as it develops.

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Jason “Mayhem” Miller Is Live-Tweeting His Arrest Right Now [UPDATED]


(We swear to God, Mayhem, if you so much as harm ONE LITTLE HAIR ON THAT DOTSON’S HEAD.)

We probably should have known that something was brewing on the horizon when Mayhem Miller, after a much-needed vacation from Crazytown (the place, not the band), threw an unprompted barb at Dana White on Twitter yesterday. “Rememba that diry girl of mine that gave you the clap and caused you marital probrems @danawhite? I hit it that weekend but wore a rubba haa” wrote Miller, an accusation that was brushed off by most as another blatant attempt by the former fighter to get his name back in the headlines.

Of course, things began to take a disturbing turn less than an hour ago, when Miller apparently began live-tweeting his own arrest while barricaded inside his Mission Viejo home. From his verified Twitter account:




Additionally, the Orange County Sherrif’s department just tweeted a photo of the scene outside of Miller’s house, and it does not look pretty…


(We swear to God, Mayhem, if you so much as harm ONE LITTLE HAIR ON THAT DOTSON’S HEAD.)

We probably should have known that something was brewing on the horizon when Mayhem Miller, after a much-needed vacation from Crazytown (the place, not the band), threw an unprompted barb at Dana White on Twitter yesterday. “Rememba that diry girl of mine that gave you the clap and caused you marital probrems @danawhite? I hit it that weekend but wore a rubba haa” wrote Miller, an accusation that was brushed off by most as another blatant attempt by the former fighter to get his name back in the headlines.

Of course, things began to take a disturbing turn less than an hour ago, when Miller apparently began live-tweeting his own arrest while barricaded inside his Mission Viejo home. From his verified Twitter account:




Additionally, the Orange County Sherrif’s department just tweeted a photo of the scene outside of Miller’s house, and it does not look pretty…

A slight update on the situation followed, via Lt. Jeff Hallock with the Orange County Sheriff’s Department”#OCSDPIO: SWAT UPDATE – Deputies attempted to serve arrest warrant on suspect who is barricaded. No known hostages.”

Miller’s last tweet came just over a half hour ago, stating “I WISH YOU NO HARM. I respect the Police, but this is overkill, for something that would be settled with one piece of paperwork from OCBAIL.”

We will continue to update you on this situation as it unfolds. For tnow, let’s hope no one is harmed during this.

UPDATE — 4:30 p.m. EST

Damon Martin passes along word that “Crisis Negotiators are now on the scene attempting to contact Mayhem in the home.”

J. Jones

The 7 Biggest UFC Busts of All Time: 2014 Edition

It’s been quite a while since we first penned our list of the 7 Biggest UFC Busts of All Time, and a lot has changed in the time since. While some of our choices are even more relevant now than they were when the list was originally published in July of 2009, most of them seem either inaccurate or simply out of date in light of current circumstances. Knowing what we know now, we’ve decided to update our list to align with today’s MMA landscape. Enjoy.

#7 – Robert Drysdale

Robert Drysdale had already achieved the distinction of being one of the most credentialed Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu competitors and sought-after coaches in all of MMA when he signed with the UFC last year. He had also picked up six straight first round submissions in professional competition, and was primed to make some huge waves in the UFC’s light heavyweight division.

But oh, if only it were that simple. Drysdale was first scheduled to take on Ednaldo Oliveira at UFC 163 until he was forced out of the bout at the last minute due to a “lingering staph infection” and definitely not the fact that he had been denied a therapeutic use exemption for TRT days prior. He was then scheduled to face Cody Donovan at UFC 167, but was denied licensure after an out-of-competition drug test came back with an absolutely absurd 19.4:1 testosterone-to-epitestosterone (T/E) ratio.

You’d think the UFC would have shitcanned Drysdale right then and there, but The Baldfather is nothing if not a softie for guys with a great ground game (lol!). Drysdale was given another shot at the TUF 19 Finale in July, and to his credit, he actually managed to show up and submit Keith Berish in just over 2 minutes. The post-fight drug test, however, would reveal that Drysdale was once again competing with an unnatural level of testosterone flowing through his veins. But hey, at least his T/E ratio was only 12:1 this time!

One fight. Two failed drug tests. And to our knowledge, Drysdale is still employed by the UFC. Let’s hope he can get his sh*t together long enough to pick up one legitimate win before all is said and done.

It’s been quite a while since we first penned our list of the 7 Biggest UFC Busts of All Time, and a lot has changed in the time since. While some of our choices are even more relevant now than they were when the list was originally published in July of 2009, most of them seem either inaccurate or simply out of date in light of current circumstances. Knowing what we know now, we’ve decided to update our list to align with today’s MMA landscape. Enjoy. 

#7 – Robert Drysdale

Robert Drysdale had already achieved the distinction of being one of the most credentialed Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu competitors and sought-after coaches in all of MMA when he signed with the UFC last year. He had also picked up six straight first round submissions in professional competition, and was primed to make some huge waves in the UFC’s light heavyweight division.

But oh, if only it were that simple. Drysdale was first scheduled to take on Ednaldo Oliveira at UFC 163 until he was forced out of the bout at the last minute due to a “lingering staph infection” and definitely not the fact that he had been denied a therapeutic use exemption for TRT days prior. He was then scheduled to face Cody Donovan at UFC 167, but was denied licensure after an out-of-competition drug test came back with an absolutely absurd 19.4:1 testosterone-to-epitestosterone (T/E) ratio.

You’d think the UFC would have shitcanned Drysdale right then and there, but The Baldfather is nothing if not a softie for guys with a great ground game (lol!). Drysdale was given another shot at the TUF 19 Finale in July, and to his credit, he actually managed to show up and submit Keith Berish in just over 2 minutes. The post-fight drug test, however, would reveal that Drysdale was once again competing with an unnatural level of testosterone flowing through his veins. But hey, at least his T/E ratio was only 12:1 this time!

One fight. Two failed drug tests. And to our knowledge, Drysdale is still employed by the UFC.  Let’s hope he can get his sh*t together long enough to pick up one legitimate win before all is said and done.

#6 – Yoshihiro Akiyama

(Photo via Getty.)

It pains us to say this about the man, the myth, the musical sensation known as “Sexyama”, but to declare his UFC career as anything other than :( would be a far more generous emoji than it deserved. Akiyama — seen above disguised as either a Super Saiyan or a pumpkin — was a K-1 Hero’s tournament winner riding a 14-fight unbeaten streak heading into his promotional debut in July of 2009, which saw him paired against Alan “The Talent” Belcher at UFC 100.

While Akiyama would defeat Belcher by controversial split decision that night, it would be all downhill from there. That he is still competing in the Octagon despite dropping his past four fights is a testament to his drawing power in Japan, a fact made all the more evident by his…let’s call it “convenient” decision to return from a two-year, self-imposed hiatus to take on Amir Sadollah at Fight Night Japan next weekend.

But should Akiyama drop his fifth straight to Sadollah, who himself will be returning from the second prolonged absence of his UFC career, one can expect to see him hang up the gloves for good. If you ask us, though, the UFC really missed the boat by not bringing in Sexyama as a coach on TUF 20. ”Easy on the Eyes, Hard on the Face” is practically the man’s credo, for Christ’s sake.

#5 – Jake Shields

(Photo via Getty.)

There was a lot of public uproar when Shields was suddenly cut by the UFC following his unanimous decision loss to Hector Lombard at UFC 171, and rightfully so. The former Strikeforce middleweight champ had gone 3-1 1 NC in his past 5 fights, was a relatively well known name (if for the wrong reasonzzzzz), and held recent wins over top welterweight contenders in Tyron Woodley and Demian Maia.

The problem was, Shields was never what Dana White would a call a “needle mover” (unlike your Conor McGregors and Royston Wees) and his loss to Lombard proved that he was far too one-dimensional to make another run at the title. As was the case with Jon Fitch and Yushin Okami, Shields simply became “too f*cking expensive” an investment for the UFC to ever see how they would get their return. And, not to pat the promotion on the back and risk losing my job, but they were probably right in letting him go.

The sad truth is, Shields was pretty underwhelming from the very start of his UFC tenure, and if you don’t believe us, look no further than the decision “win” he scored (snored?) over Martin Kampmann in his debut to earn a shot at Georges St. Pierre. Let me ask you this: Of the three victories that Shields would notch following successive losses to St. Pierre and Jake Ellenberger, can anyone remember a single highlight? And no, him getting ragdolled by Sexyama doesn’t count.

#4 – Brandon Vera…Still

What we said back then: “How’s this for a return-on-investment: The UFC paid “The Truth” a total of $76,000 in contracted salary for his first four wins against Fabiano Scherner, Justin Eilers, Assuerio Silva, and Frank Mir — all of them by brutal stoppage, mind you — then paid him $500,000 for his subsequent 1-3 stretch against Tim Sylvia, Fabricio Werdum, Reese Andy, and Keith Jardine. Did the fat paychecks make him soft? Did his long legal dispute with his manager throw off his mental game? It’s hard to know for sure, but by the end of 2008 it was clear that this wasn’t the same Brandon Vera who entered the UFC’s heavyweight division three years before and rocked it like a hurricane.

“The Truth is slated to return in August against Matt Hamill at UFC 102, in a fight that will either re-establish him as a rising star at light-heavyweight, or forever define him as an overpaid can-crusher.”

Ooof. If Brandon Vera was already considered a UFC bust prior to his appearance at UFC 102 (wherein he defeated replacement opponent Krzysztof Soszynski via UD), then the 1-4 1 NC streak that followed should undoubtedly serve as a validation of our assessment. I mean, Vera hadn’t even had his face broken by Jon Jones yet, or been turned into a human bongo drum by Thiago Silva yet, or had his face once again broken by Shogun Rua. Hell, he hadn’t even succumbed to the otherwordly shuck-n-jive skills of Ben Rothwell (IFL neva die!) yet.

For a guy who once claimed that he would hold two UFC titles simultaneously, it would be impossible to dub Vera as anything but a bust by his own assertion alone. He never fought for *one* title, or even in a #1 contender’s match for that matter, but hey, maybe he was just referring to his upcoming OneFC run.

#3 – Jason Miller

Jason Miller was never what you’d call “championship material” — even the folks at EA Sports knew that much about him. He was, however, one of the better fighters to spend the majority of his career outside the UFC and a charismatic, unique individual to boot, so it’s safe to say that the UFC had big plans for him when they brought him over to serve as a coach on the 14th season of The Ultimate Fighter. 

An intense rivalry with Michael Bisping (go figure, right?) fueled that season, and the expectations surrounding Miller were made all the higher by Miller himself. When he stepped into the octagon against the Brit, fans were expecting an intense, technical battle between two of the sport’s better middleweights. What they got instead was one of the worst — if not the worst — performance of Miller’s career. Between his hilariously awkward attempts at standup and his nonexistent gas tank, Miller looked like plain amateurish next to Bisping, who battered and abused him en route to a third round TKO.

It was a loss that Miller’s career would never come from. One that he certainly wouldn’t learn from, at least. After being tentatively granted another shot against CB Dollaway, Miller once again talked himself into a corner, vowing to retire should Dollaway defeat him.

And to Miller’s credit, he kind of did. Following a “backstage tirade” at UFC 146 and a bizarre string of arrests, he has not fought since. Unless you count that bar scuffle with Uriah Hall, that is.

#2 – Alistair Overeem

(Photo via Getty.)

Replacing Vitor Belfort at #2 (which, wow) is Alistair Overeem, the Hercules-armed, Achilles-chinned PRIDE and Strikeforce star whose hype train went off the rails following consecutive KO losses to Bigfoot Silva and Travis Browne, then careened over a cliff into a school for blind, malnourished orphans at Fight Night 50 last weekend. Metaphorically speaking.

For a time, oh, between 2008-2011, Overeem was nothing short of untouchable. Save a couple losses in the kickboxing ring to top-level competition, Overeem utterly destroyed any and all opposition that was placed before him. That many of his fights during that period could be dubbed as hilariously mismatched squash matches did little to persuade us from declaring that Overeem would be the heavyweight champion within a year’s time should the UFC ever sign him.

Well, they did, and Uber proceeded to kick Brock Lesnar right in the diverticulitis, sending a shockwave through the heavyweight division and a message that he was not a man to be messed with. Four fights later, Overeem’s reputation could not be more different.

The upsides to Overeem’s fledging UFC career: He’s made a sh*tload of money, and he will be given another shot despite suffering a record 9th TKO loss (the most of any active UFC fighter) to Ben Rothwell last weekend.

#1 – Mirko Cro Cop…Still

What we said back then: “As we’ve already discussed in a previous list (Ed note: LISTCEPTION), Filipovic made a strong case for himself as the best fighter in the world after storming through PRIDE’s Open Weight Grand Prix Finals in September 2006. When he jumped ship to the UFC shortly after, we expected him to head-kick his way to a heavyweight title. But in stunning, heartbreaking fashion, Cro Cop flamed out of the organization within a year, becoming the first and most dramatic victim of the PRIDE Curse, as well as the biggest bust in UFC history.”

It’s interesting, they were just having a live discussion over at BloodyElbow about whether or not Alistair Overeem was the biggest bust in UFC History. Surprisingly enough, they almost unanimously agreed that it was Cro Cop, citing the same reasons as we did in our original assessment. Cro Cop was on the heels of the performance of his career and the greatest one-night performance in MMA history, and to see him fall from grace so steadily in the UFC was nothing short of heartbreaking for his legions of fans.

Watching the legend get KO’d three consecutive times at the hands of Frank Mir, Brendan Schaub, and Roy Nelson was tough enough, but if you ask me, the absolute nadir of his MMA career came at Legends 2, where he was submitted via A F*CKING NECK CRANK by some guy we can’t even remember. I guess we can take some small solace away from the fact that Cro Cop is still fighting and winning on the Glory kickboxing circuit. I guess…

Dishonorable mentions: Sokoudjou, “Kid” Yamamoto, Brock Lesnar (SHOTS FIRED)

J. Jones

Let’s Count the LOL-Worthy Moments in This Amazing/Awful Video About the Nick Diaz-Mayhem Miller Feud

So apparently Anderson Silva and Jay-Z have joined forces under the latter’s Life+Times network to launch a new web series focused on MMA rivalries called STATIC. In episode two, STATIC takes a hilariously overdramatized look back at the Mayhem Miller vs. Nick Diaz rivalry a.k.a The Nashville brawl and the aftermath that followed. It is ridiculous for so, so many reasons.

1. Nothing like a close-up of a some dude who is neither Jason Miller nor Nick Diaz to kick off a video about the rivalry between Jason Miller and Nick Diaz.

2. “Where I come from, people like that get slapped.” — Nick Diaz, referring to Ariel Helwani but edited to make it seem relevant.

3. Oh, I see. That was all just part of the intro. The actual segment devoted to Diaz vs. Miller starts with that footage of Diaz incomprehensibly ranting/flipping off his camera while driving. Definitely the best way to let fans know that this rivalry is, like, *super* serial.

4. Holy shit, the voice of whoever’s narrating this.

5.  = My reaction to every piece of Mayhem Miller-related news in the past two or so years.

So apparently Anderson Silva and Jay-Z have joined forces under the latter’s Life+Times network to launch a new web series focused on MMA rivalries called STATIC. In episode two, STATIC takes a hilariously overdramatized look back at the Mayhem Miller vs. Nick Diaz rivalry a.k.a The Nashville brawl and the aftermath that followed. It is ridiculous for so, so many reasons.

1. Nothing like a close-up of a some dude who is neither Jason Miller nor Nick Diaz to kick off a video about the rivalry between Jason Miller and Nick Diaz.

2. “Where I come from, people like that get slapped.” — Nick Diaz, referring to Ariel Helwani but edited to make it seem relevant.

3. Oh, I see. That was all just part of the intro. The actual segment devoted to Diaz vs. Miller starts with that footage of Diaz incomprehensibly ranting/flipping off his camera while driving. Definitely the best way to let fans know that this rivalry is, like, *super* serial.

4. Holy shit, the voice of whoever’s narrating this.

5.  = My reaction to every piece of Mayhem Miller-related news in the past two or so years.

6. It’s funny, I never recall hearing Dan Henderson‘s take on the whole Nashville brawl that effectively got MMA shitcanned from CBS. It only took four years to get, and go figure, it’s calm and completely reasonable. What is with that guy?

7. Perhaps the one positive we can take away from the Nashville brawl is that Gus Johnson was inadvertently backhanded by Jake Shields during it. #TheLittleThings

8. How quickly do you think Michael Bisping agreed to drop everything he was doing for the chance to take the piss out of Miller one more time? Five seconds? Fifteen?

9. “Diaz, everyone knows is crazy.” — Dominick Cruz, with perhaps the understatement of the century.

10. Wait, that’s Roy Jones Jr. narrating this thing? Why did they take so long to tell us that? And is that how he actually talks? Because I feel like I’m listening to Roy Jones Jr. impersonating Ice-T impersonating a bayou police officer.

11. We get our first shot of Mayhem, post-everything. He looks…good.

12. Seeing Nick Diaz smile is like seeing your Dad cry.

13. The stock photos being used in this segment could not be more amateurish, and the Microsoft PowerPoint manner in which they are being presented isn’t helping. I’m guessing Jay-Z couldn’t pony up the cash for a Getty Images account.

14. The dude Miller “smashed” that night? Tim “Moab” Stout. He’s 12-10, and fought just once after getting beaten by Miller on a few week’s notice. No, I do not know what a “Moab” is.

15. Apparently, Nick Diaz’s version of “jumping on” someone equates to throwing a waterbottle at their face backstage and then calling them fat. Miller would later partially adopt this strategy while coaching TUF 14.

16. Cut to: Footage of an absolutely gassed Mayhem drilling leg kicks, “You’re the Best Around” plays triumphantly in the background (not really, but it should be).

17. And now we get Miller’s “Don’t Be Scared Homie” interview. God I hope this is going somewhere soon.

18. Except that we all knew it wasn’t going anywhere, because Miller and Diaz have never actually fought, as Jones Jr. explains. Therefore, this is not a *real* rivalry. Therefore, this installment of STATIC has been a complete waste of everyone’s time.

J. Jones