You see, Shamrock was expected to face Ian Freeman at an Ultimate Cage Fighting Championship event on July 27th. A few days ago, however, Shamrock pulled out of the fight and claimed that the promotion was trying to shortchange him, resulting in the fight being cancelled altogether. We know, sounds familiar, right? Only now, a pissed off Freeman is accusing Shamrock of cheating the promotion out of $5,000 and skipping town (original story here) — what’s known on Broadway as “pulling a Harold Hill.” Freeman vented on his Facebook page:
Well, everyone including myself, knew this fight was too good to be true as we know what a coward Shamrock is.
Not only is Shamrock a coward but he’s also a thief. He accepted the fight, demanded $5,000 upfront as a deposit of trust, of which was sent, and now refuses to return the money.
Not only has he demanded that money up front but also ask for his purse and ticket deal to be paid “before” he fights and this money to be sent to an American bank.
UCFC bent over backwards to stick to your Diva demands but you bitched about everything. Even to the fact that they were advertising your name to sell tickets. That’s what every show in the world does [you] dumb fuck. The fight was confirmed, and you signed and made a video signing the contract. Idiot.
While this seemed like a simple case of “he said, she said” at first, it wasn’t until we revisited an old interview with Chael Sonnen, of all people, that this case was blown wide open.
You see, Shamrock was expected to face Ian Freeman at an Ultimate Cage Fighting Championship event on July 27th. A few days ago, however, Shamrock pulled out of the fight and claimed that the promotion was trying to shortchange him, resulting in the fight being cancelled altogether. We know, sounds familiar, right? Only now, a pissed off Freeman is accusing Shamrock of cheating the promotion out of $5,000 and skipping town (original story here) — what’s known on Broadway as “pulling a Harold Hill.” Freeman vented on his Facebook page:
Well, everyone including myself, knew this fight was too good to be true as we know what a coward Shamrock is.
Not only is Shamrock a coward but he’s also a thief. He accepted the fight, demanded $5,000 upfront as a deposit of trust, of which was sent, and now refuses to return the money.
Not only has he demanded that money up front but also ask for his purse and ticket deal to be paid “before” he fights and this money to be sent to an American bank.
UCFC bent over backwards to stick to your Diva demands but you bitched about everything. Even to the fact that they were advertising your name to sell tickets. That’s what every show in the world does [you] dumb fuck. The fight was confirmed, and you signed and made a video signing the contract. Idiot.
While this seemed like a simple case of “he said, she said” at first, it wasn’t until we revisited an old interview with Chael Sonnen, of all people, that this case was blown wide open:
“I can guarantee you that as sure as night follows day, that not only is that fight never gonna happen, it never was. Ken Shamrock is going around to all these different promoters doing his typical scumbag move getting money up front saying, “You know, I’m a Hall of Famer and I don’t even know if you guys are going to exist, so give me a ten grand signing bonus.”
He takes their money, goes and blades himself in the back, or whatever make believe thing that guy does, won’t show up – guaranteed he won’t show up – keeps their ten grand and goes on to the next unassuming promoter. He’s not gonna fight James Toney anymore than you are. He never was. That fight won’t happen, mark my words.”
We don’t know how to say this, but Chael Sonnen is starting to sound less like a schizophrenic WWE heel and more like a goddamn prophet these days. That interview is over two years old, yet has Shamrock’s current shtick pegged to a tee. The even more damning evidence? Shamrock’s response to the controversy and John Joe O’Regan’s subsequent takedown of “The World’s Most Dangerous Man.”
Shamrock: England, they don’t have a sanctioning body so that’s the reason why we’ve done this escrow, where they put the money into escrow. We know that when we get to England these contracts aren’t valid because there’s no sanctioning body.
So these contracts are not legal. So that’s why we did it that way, and now they’re – which we didn’t think they would do because it’s stupid business – but they’re trying to pull that now.
Writer’s Note: Shamrock is not correct here. Contracts/bout agreements are not illegal in the absence of a sanctioning body. They are still legally enforceable agreements between the parties, but would be enforced via the civil justice system in the UK via the small claims court. (Source: Writer is a law graduate)
So there you have it; Ken Shamrock has somehow managed to out-sleazeball Bob Sapp, who at least shows up to his contacted fights and takes some semblance of a beating before receiving his overly-inflated paycheck. And as with Sapp, the only way we are going to rid ourselves of the cancer Shamrock has become (Kencer?) is to stop enabling him. So we beg of you, small-time MMA promoters: DO NOT HIRE THIS FRAUD.
If our past few articles about Shamrock are any indication, this is the point where a couple of you jump up our asses about “disrespecting a legend” and start building strawmen in regards to what us writers have done with our lives that is so great. I can’t speak for everyone here, but I’m certain that I’ve never resorted to extortion as a way of earning income. Prostitution may be a dirty business, but at least it’s honest.
Tournaments seem like a great way to determine the best competitor from a group of athletes. You have 8 (or 16 or 32 or whatever the number) fighters, put them in a bracket, and then let them fight it out. The last dude standing clearly must be the best because he survived the tournament, right?
Tournaments — like the ones the UFC used to run — are heavily dependent on how the bracket is organized. Some fighters get an easy run, others get a gauntlet.
This got us at Cage Potato thinking: What if some of the early UFC tournament brackets were re-organized or even shuffled just a little bit? Who would end up becoming the “Ultimate Fighters” of the 1990s? Let’s find out!
UFC 2
UFC 2 was the first and only 16-man tournament run by the UFC. The first round of the tournament — save for Royce Gracie’s fight (of course)—didn’t air on the PPV and aren’t on the DVD either. These “lost fights” from UFC 2 have quite a few interesting characters such as the enigmatic Pencak Silat master Alberto Cerro Leon and the chubby, sweatpants-clad Robert Lucarelli.
Look at the complete bracket and see how many names you recognize. Most of these guys from the UFC 2 dark matches had no chance in the tournament, save for a man named Freek (or Frank) Hamaker. We’re going to stick with Freek because it rhymes with Reek. A fighter like Hamaker was a rarity in the early days. He wasn’t a hapless striker fated to be embarrassed. He was a sambo practitioner who trained under legendary European grappler Chris Dolman.
Hamaker’s first (and only) fight was at UFC 2 against the mysterious San Soo Kung Fu man Thaddeus Luster. The fight went like the typical early UFC fight. The guy with grappling immediately took down the guy without grappling and won shortly afterwards. Hamaker withdrew from the tournament after defeating Luster and disappeared to the pornography theater from whence he came.
(And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why history must be re-written.)
Tournaments seem like a great way to determine the best competitor from a group of athletes. You have 8 (or 16 or 32 or whatever the number) fighters, put them in a bracket, and then let them fight it out. The last dude standing clearly must be the best because he survived the tournament, right?
Tournaments — like the ones the UFC used to run — are heavily dependent on how the bracket is organized. Some fighters get an easy run, others get a gauntlet.
This got us at Cage Potato thinking: What if some of the early UFC tournament brackets were re-organized or even shuffled just a little bit? Who would end up becoming the “Ultimate Fighters” of the 1990s? Let’s find out!
UFC 2
UFC 2 was the first and only 16-man tournament run by the UFC. The first round of the tournament — save for Royce Gracie’s fight (of course)—didn’t air on the PPV and aren’t on the DVD either. These “lost fights” from UFC 2 have quite a few interesting characters such as the enigmatic Pencak Silat master Alberto Cerro Leon and the chubby, sweatpants-clad Robert Lucarelli.
Look at the complete bracket and see how many names you recognize. Most of these guys from the UFC 2 dark matches had no chance in the tournament, save for a man named Freek (or Frank) Hamaker. We’re going to stick with Freek because it rhymes with Reek. A fighter like Hamaker was a rarity in the early days. He wasn’t a hapless striker fated to be embarrassed. He was a sambo practitioner who trained under legendary European grappler Chris Dolman.
Hamaker’s first (and only) fight was at UFC 2 against the mysterious San Soo Kung Fu man Thaddeus Luster. The fight went like the typical early UFC fight. The guy with grappling immediately took down the guy without grappling and won shortly afterwards. Hamaker withdrew from the tournament after defeating Luster and disappeared to the pornography theater from whence he came.
Hamaker had tremendous potential given his background in an effective martial art and given that having any kind of grappling ability in the early UFCs was tantamount to bringing a taser into the cage with you.
We don’t need to re-imagine the UFC 2 bracket much to have a more interesting outcome.
Let’s just pretend that Hamaker never got injured and consequently never withdrew.
After defeating Luster, he’d take on kickboxer Johnny Rhodes. Judging by the fact that Patrick Smith submitted Rhodes in a little over a minute, a more qualified grappler in Hamaker probably wouldn’t need much more time to do the same.
That would bring Hamaker into the semifinals against Pat Smith, who was previously submitted by Ken Shamrock at UFC 1 in short order, and was destroyed in the UFC 2 finals by Royce Gracie. Smith may have had enough grappling to beat the Ray Wizards and Rudyard Moncayos of the world but he likely wouldn’t have enough submission acumen to beat Hamaker. So in CagePotato’s alternate reality version of events, The “Freak” — that wasn’t his nickname, but it should’ve been. Freek “The Freak” Hamaker? You don’t like it? Fine. — therefore gets his hand raised for third time that night.
Could Hamaker really have taken out Royce Gracie in the finals?
Probably not, but keep in mind that Gracie initially struggled against Keith Hackney at UFC 5, a karate guy who had added just a smattering of BJJ into his arsenal. So, Gracie still would probably have won UFC 2 but he would’ve looked mortal doing it — and that’s the important thing.
At UFC 1, Royce Gracie looked like an unstoppable killer; maybe not a Che Mills-level killer, but a killer nonetheless. He took martial arts “experts” down and submitted them without breaking a sweat. Gracie did much of the same at UFC 2.
It’s unlikely that Hamaker would’ve beaten Gracie (pre-drug-testing Ken Shamrock lost to Gracie the first time and the skilled Judoka Remco Pardoel also lost to Gracie as well), but he had a good chance of at least making Gracie look like a regular, fallible fighter.
A Hamaker-Gracie finale would’ve shown the world that BJJ (or, more specifically “Gracie” Jiu-Jitsu) wasn’t a martial arts panacea and that Royce Gracie wasn’t some kind of god. It took Jesus-freak, motivational speaker, and meth enthusiast Kimo Leopoldo to do that.
(At one point, Jones tried to pull away because he thought the handshake was over, but Chael held on for like a half-second longer. It was, without question, the most challenging moment of Jones’s professional MMA career. / Photo via Getty Images)
The fight game isn’t just about tatted-up white guys with shaved heads hitting each other in the face. If it were, BodogFIGHT and the IFL would still be alive and kicking. Marketing /Hype/PR is a crucial aspect of the fight business — but it doesn’t always go so well.
There were times when the UFC has had stunning marketing triumphs (the whole “Zuffa created the entire MMA world and if you don’t like it you’re a butthurt Pride fanboy” shtick). But there were also times when the UFC’s efforts fell flat on their face like Rafael “Feijao” Cavalcante against Dan Henderson.
What were some of these hyped-up but obviously bullshit moments? Let’s have a look…
1. Watch Che Mills, the Unstoppable Killing Machine!
(Source: Getty)
UFC 145’s main event of Jon Jones vs. Rashad Evans was strong enough to sell a pay-per-view on. Sure, sometimes the promo made the two fighters look like jilted lovers, but we’re not gonna hate on the UFC for hyping up a title fight.
We will, however, hate on them for trying to convince fans that a squash match — Rory MacDonald vs. Che Mills — was some kind of epic duel between two young lions. There was only one prospect in that fight, and it wasn’t Che Mills.
The UFC’s inability to do anything with subtlety ruined the promos for this event, the prelims for this event, and most of the PPV portion of this event. Describing Mills as a “new, dangerous welterweight from the UK” was a gross exaggeration. The British striker was only dangerous if you were a TUF bum or if you suffered an accidental knee injury while fighting him.
During the prelims, Rogan was doing the hard sell. THIS CHE MILLS GUY IS A KILLER. HE’S A MONSTER. HE’S A BADASS. HE BEHEADED NED STARK. HE SHOT BAMBI’S MOTHER. Insane falsehoods like this littered the broadcast. Rogan didn’t stop the bullshit once the main card started, either.
We got treated with pro-wrestling-level fakeness about how Che Mills was on MacDonald’s level up until MacDonald, predictably, ran through Mills.
Thus, the only thing that got killed at UFC 145 was Mills’s career.
Since then, Mills hasn’t legitimately won a fight, unless you count Duane Ludwig’s freak injury as a legit win. Earlier this month, Mills lost via TKO to Irishman Cathal Pendred (never heard of him either) at a CWFC event in Ireland.
(At one point, Jones tried to pull away because he thought the handshake was over, but Chael held on for like a half-second longer. It was, without question, the most challenging moment of Jones’s professional MMA career. / Photo via Getty Images)
The fight game isn’t just about tatted-up white guys with shaved heads hitting each other in the face. If it were, BodogFIGHT and the IFL would still be alive and kicking. Marketing /Hype/PR is a crucial aspect of the fight business — but it doesn’t always go so well.
There were times when the UFC has had stunning marketing triumphs (the whole “Zuffa created the entire MMA world and if you don’t like it you’re a butthurt Pride fanboy” shtick). But there were also times when the UFC’s efforts fell flat on their face like Rafael “Feijao” Cavalcante against Dan Henderson.
What were some of these hyped-up but obviously bullshit moments? Let’s have a look…
1. Watch Che Mills, the Unstoppable Killing Machine!
(Source: Getty)
UFC 145’s main event of Jon Jones vs. Rashad Evans was strong enough to sell a pay-per-view on. Sure, sometimes the promo made the two fighters look like jilted lovers, but we’re not gonna hate on the UFC for hyping up a title fight.
We will, however, hate on them for trying to convince fans that a squash match — Rory MacDonald vs. Che Mills — was some kind of epic duel between two young lions. There was only one prospect in that fight, and it wasn’t Che Mills.
The UFC’s inability to do anything with subtlety ruined the promos for this event, the prelims for this event, and most of the PPV portion of this event. Describing Mills as a “new, dangerous welterweight from the UK” was a gross exaggeration. The British striker was only dangerous if you were a TUF bum or if you suffered an accidental knee injury while fighting him.
During the prelims, Rogan was doing the hard sell. THIS CHE MILLS GUY IS A KILLER. HE’S A MONSTER. HE’S A BADASS. HE BEHEADED NED STARK. HE SHOT BAMBI’S MOTHER. Insane falsehoods like this littered the broadcast. Rogan didn’t stop the bullshit once the main card started, either.
We got treated with pro-wrestling-level fakeness about how Che Mills was on MacDonald’s level up until MacDonald, predictably, ran through Mills.
Thus, the only thing that got killed at UFC 145 was Mills’s career.
Since then, Mills hasn’t legitimately won a fight, unless you count Duane Ludwig’s freak injury as a legit win. Earlier this month, Mills lost via TKO to Irishman Cathal Pendred (never heard of him either) at a CWFC event in Ireland.
Couture vs. Toney didn’t headline the UFC 118 PPV — Frankie Edgar vs. BJ Penn had that honor — but it was a large part of the event’s marketing.
Dana/The Zuffa hype machine gave out reasons why the fight wasn’t bullshit and why you should buy the PPV. They cited the statistic that James Toney had more knockouts than Randy Couture had fights and trotted out the tired, near-meaningless phrase “you never know what’s gonna happen in a fight” again and again.
Forget the fact that pure boxers had tried to ply their craft in the UFC twice and had failed, DANA WHITE is telling you James Toney has a chance so it must be right and you better buy the PPV so you can see the upset of a lifetime!
Toney’s ass-crack being visible at the weigh-ins foreshadowed the shittyness to come. The match ended the way everybody thought it would, with Toney having laughably bad MMA skills (he didn’t even know how to tap out correctly) and Couture effortlessly submitting him.
When the UFC was founded, one of the bigger issues was how to market it.
The American public had long been familiar with the typical Asian martial arts bushido bullshit thanks to the wave of interest inspired by movies ranging from Enter the Dragon to The Karate Kid. But the UFC was more than just karate guys and katas. It was the world’s toughest and purest fighting tournament. How, exactly, are you supposed to sell that?
McLaren was the man in charge of the UFC’s marketing in 1993. His strategy was to make the UFC appear as anything BUT a sport. To McLaren, the UFC had to be presented as Mortal Kombat without the thunder gods and four-armed Shokan princes.
The result of this policy was the enthusiastic yet ultimately self-defeating “BANNED IN 49 STATES. FIGHTS END VIA KNOCKOUT, SUBMISSION, OR DEATH” marketing campaign that piqued the interest of martial arts enthusiasts, street brawlers, and pornography theater owners.
4. Revenge Is a Dish Best Served on a Lackluster PPV Main Event.
(Source: MMAWeekly)
Remember Chuck Liddell’s “fearsome” title reign where he allegedly fought the best light-heavyweights in the world?
Yeah, we’re gonna talk about that for a second.
Riding high off capturing the UFC light heavyweight crown from Randy Couture, Chuck Liddell was pitted against Jeremy Horn. It was a peculiar match to make seeing as Horn hadn’t been in the UFC since a 2001 loss to Elvis Sinosic, of all people.
So why rush Horn to the front of the title-shot line?
Well, one theory is that Horn’s victory over the legendary Spencer Canup impressed Dana White so much that he had no other choice than to give Horn the title shot.
Another, equally likely theory, is that Liddell’s 1999 loss to Horn was a great pretext for a “REVENGE! GRUDGE MATCH!” angle straight out of the WWE’s playbook. Liddell got to avenge his loss, Horn lost some brain cells, and MMA fans lost a few hours and $40.
The UFC couldn’t survive if Tito Ortiz kept fighting the likes of Elvis Sinosic (that’s two Sinosic mentions in one article, if anyone is keeping count). The UFC needed established names. Ken Shamrock was an established name.
Yes, he was coming off a loss when he was brought in to fight Tito Ortiz for the first time in 2002 but that didn’t matter. Everybody remembered Ken Shamrock thanks to his status as a UFC Legend™ and thanks to his time in the WWE.
“Here are two guys who DON’T LIKE EACH OTHER!” “Watch the DISRESPECTFUL, UPSTART PUNK trash talk the RESPECTFUL VETERAN”
Ironically, the hype around the feud was all real. Shamrock’s Lion’s Den and Tito Ortiz had legitimate beef with one another. Thus, matching up him an Ortiz was an easy sell. But the reason this hook was so terrible was that Shamrock was no match for Ortiz. Shamrock wasn’t a roided-up superman anymore. He was Samson without his hair, Batman without his money, Chael Sonnen without TRT.
Yeah, great they don’t like each other. That doesn’t mean a fight between them made sense because, quite frankly, it didn’t. It was a cash-grab and attention whoring.
And it worked — so well, in fact, that they did it again twice. Shamrock would face Ortiz four years later on another PPV, UFC 61, and on a UFC Fight Night card called “Ortiz vs. Shamrock 3: The Final Chapter” just three months after that. Both of those fights ended in first-round TKO wins for Ortiz.
On the next page: A legend gets executed, “fun fights” (aka “squash matches”) and the absurd bullshit that actually turned out to be true.
(It’s not a UFC fight, but you can’t talk awful title fights without at least referencing Sonnen vs. Filho II. Photo courtesy of Sherdog.)
Today we’re talking about bad UFC title fights – fights that fizzled out after weeks of hype, bored even the most die-hard fans among us, and left us baffled that the winner was considered the best in his weight class. Since we’redealing strictly with UFC title fights, notable clunkers like Ruiz vs. Southworth II (Strikeforce), Wiuff vs. Tuchscherer (YAMMA), and Sonnen vs. Filho II (WEC) are ineligible for inclusion. Also, we promise that the only appearance of the name “Ben Askren” in this column lies in this incredibly forced sentence. Read on for our picks, and please, pretty please, send your ideas for future Roundtable topics to [email protected].
Detroit is known by many names – Motown, Motor City, and Hockey Town to name a few. None of which lend to the idea that the birthplace of the assembly line was also a mecca of mixed martial arts or a place to catch great fights on Saturday. Unfortunately, UFC didn’t care; they took the show to the Great Lakes State in 1996 for UFC 9: Clash of the Titans 2 nonetheless. Ken Shamrock and Michigan native Dan Severn were set to face off for the first world title outside of Japan, the UFC Superfight championship. However, thanks to Senator John McCain, instead seeing an exciting rematch that was sure to cover the canvas in bad blood, fans in attendance and at home watching on PPV were treated to what became known as “The Detroit Dance.” And to this day, it is regarded as one of the worst fights in the history of the sport.
(It’s not a UFC fight, but you can’t talk awful title fights without at least referencing Sonnen vs. Filho II. Photo courtesy of Sherdog.)
Today we’re talking about bad UFC title fights – fights that fizzled out after weeks of hype, bored even the most die-hard fans among us, and left us baffled that the winner was considered the best in his weight class. Since we’redealing strictly with UFC title fights, notable clunkers like Ruiz vs. Southworth II (Strikeforce), Wiuff vs. Tuchscherer (YAMMA), and Sonnen vs. Filho II (WEC) are ineligible for inclusion. Also, we promise that the only appearance of the name “Ben Askren” in this column lies in this incredibly forced sentence. Read on for our picks, and please, pretty please, send your ideas for future Roundtable topics to [email protected].
Detroit is known by many names – Motown, Motor City, and Hockey Town to name a few. None of which lend to the idea that the birthplace of the assembly line was also a mecca of mixed martial arts or a place to catch great fights on Saturday. Unfortunately, UFC didn’t care; they took the show to the Great Lakes State in 1996 for UFC 9: Clash of the Titans 2 nonetheless. Ken Shamrock and Michigan native Dan Severn were set to face off for the first world title outside of Japan, the UFC Superfight championship. However, thanks to Senator John McCain, instead seeing an exciting rematch that was sure to cover the canvas in bad blood, fans in attendance and at home watching on PPV were treated to what became known as “The Detroit Dance.” And to this day, it is regarded as one of the worst fights in the history of the sport.
What did McCain have to do with any of this, you ask? The politician was fierce in his letter writing campaign against a sport he knew nothing about. He essentially scared or bullied local government agencies to ban the sport. You know, the more things change, the more they stay the same. Several key components in the UFC machine were tied up in the Detroit courts until 4:30pm the day of the event getting permission to hold an event that was already being set up. The hacks behind the desk said, and I’m paraphrasing here, “You can proceed with your barbaric and uncivilized fisticuffs spectacle as long as no one actually throws a closed fist to his opponents head nor will any butting of the heads be allowed. Anyone seen doing such things will be arrested.”
For the better part of twenty minutes, Shamrock and Severn circled each other with little to no contact. During the last ten minutes of the fight (if you can even call it that) the two played pat-a-cake until Severn decided to throw the special rules right out of Cobo Arena. Despite stalling for two thirds of the fight and head butting his opponent, Dan Severn won the fight and the championship belt. The Michiganders in attendance could be heard throughout the area booing and chanting, “Let’s go Red Wings!” There has never been a more pathetic example of a championship quality fight. The men in the cage deserved to be there, sure, but when you start adding special rules and stipulations, you’re watering down your product. So much so, that Detroit is now in two sport’s Hall of Shame.
It’s kind of ironic that Anderson Silva, who owns the most impressive championship reign in UFC history, also happens to have the distinction of participating in three of the worst championship fights in the company’s history as well. But ironic or not, it’s no less true. Picking the worst of the three is like deciding which segment you want to be in the human centipede, but I suppose it must be done. To that end, I nominate Silva’s bout with Demian Maia at UFC 112 as the worst of the worst.
I remember watching UFC 112 on an internet str- err, on pay-per-view. To say it was an underwhelming card is probably a little more generous than what it deserves, and that was before the main event. Matt Hughes fought Renzo Gracie – who didn’t know how to check leg kicks – for no conceivable reason. Frankie Edgar upset BJ Penn in the most unspectacular way imaginable, via a debatable decision with virtually no emphatic moments throughout the entire fight. But all of this would surely be a footnote when Anderson Silva, fresh off his humiliation of Forrest Griffin, would unveil some hitherto unknown debilitating maneuver that would drop all of our jaws to the floor while our feeble brains attempted to process what we just witnessed.
Instead, Silva spent the vast majority of five rounds dancing, taunting, and throwing the occasional oblique kick. To say it was frustrating doesn’t do it justice. It was maddening, made even more so by the lone flying knee Silva threw out of nowhere in the fight. It knocked Maia down, broke his nose and served as a reminder of just what Silva was capable of… and how he refused to bother indulging the audience with his capability that night. Maia, to his credit, never gave up. At one point in the final round, Maia – with one eye swollen shut – fell in front of Silva and kept swinging wildly from his knees. It was desperate and ineffective, but it exemplified heart and determination in contrast with Silva’s utter lack of such. Silva won the fight, Maia retained his pride, but the audience was left with the worst championship fight you could imagine. The UFC has not bothered returning to Abu Dhabi since.
It’s easy to feel a little sympathy for Tito Ortiz these days. He’s been going through some personal shit – the variety of which we are banned from getting too specific on. But hey, thems the breaks when you shack up with a porn queen. Well-adjusted females with run-of-the-mill daddy issues don’t generally get into fuck films. They just latch onto some poor bastard and systematically suck every ounce of pride and manhood out of him until he’s an obedient slob with a semi-manageable speed habit and a secret fetish for snuff porn. That’s life. The ones that go for the porn queens, well, all I’m saying is disregard the lessons of Little Bill at your own peril.
That sympathy, however, can cause us to forget that there was a time when Tito was a wildly popular UFC champion; not just some dude with a quick mouth and a gigantic head who only tasted victory once during the last six years of his career. It’s hard to deny Tito his accolades. Circa 2002 he was the most successful UFC champion there was. He won the belt and defended it five times. That’s more title defenses than Randy, and even one more than his arch-nemesis, Chuck had. Granted, both of those guys would eventually clown Tito en route to victories (x 2 for Chuck), and of course there was that whole saga of Tito allegedly ducking Chuck, but we’re talking numbers here, bitch. Context is irrelevant when trying to make an absurd point.
Hindsight being 20/20 ‘n shit makes Tito’s title defenses seem mildly comical by modern standards, considering the competition: Yuki Kondo, Evan Tanner, Elvis Sinosic, Vladimir Matyushenko, and Ken Shamrock. But you gotta remember this was pre-TUF, pre-FOX, and pre-UFC monopoly when the glory days of Pride were in full effect. UFC title challengers were often contemptible back then. Incidentally, Dave Menne won the UFC’s inaugural middleweight belt that same night, and well shit I’ll go as far as agree with Danga, Dave Menne – for real???
It’s easy to mock a couple of Tito’s title defenses on grounds of legitimacy. But interestingly enough, perhaps the most legit challenger – Vlady – provided for the worst fight. This was UFC 33, an event which Dana White still to this day describes as, “The worst show we’ve ever had.” It was so bad we could just as easily be talking about the co-main event of the evening – Jens Pulver vs Dennis “Balls” Hallman, but that wasn’t the main event, and the pay per view broadcast didn’t black out in the middle of it – two very important factors that help to solidify Tito Ortiz vs.Vladimir Matyushenko as the worst ever.
According to one analysis, the Tito/Vlady fight produced only 40 “significant strikes.” To further expound on that lamentable figure, in a 25 minute fight that means that a decent strike was landed only once every 37.5 seconds. Might not seem like a long stretch while you’re on YouPorn stroking yourself to some early Jenna, but during an actual fight that’s an eternity of visual pain. Contrast that extreme with a Cain Velasquez, who lands over six significant strikes per minute – or one every ten seconds, and the standard deviation model gets blown all to shit.
Basically, the fight was about as horrific as you’d expect of two wrestlers with rudimentary striking skills. Don’t forget, this was before Tito’s “improved boxing” that Joe Rogan liked to talk about almost as much as his “underrated jiu jitsu.” The bottom line is there have been many terrible title fights in the UFC, but not one of them headlined the worst show ever, and not one of them blacked out on pay per view before the fans could fully experience the horror of just how anally violated they got. So there.
Josh Hutchinson
In deciding the worst UFC title fight I chose to look at a number of criteria. Do I choose one that was boring (GSP/Fitch)? How about one that’s meaningless or undeserved (Jones/Sonnen)? What about one that shames the sport of MMA as whole (Arlovski/Buentello)? Luckily I didn’t have to look far to find a shit sandwich that’s comprised entirely of those three ingredients.
Sean Sherk vs. Hermes Franca at UFC 73 was a complete failure in every sense of the word. A highly forgettable fight, which was put on only to build anticipation for the return of BJ Penn, resulted in a glorified 25 minute sparring session. Someone managed to wake the judges up long enough to decide that Sherk had won, and everyone could start getting damp in their trousers at the thought of Penn fighting for the lightweight title again. Mission accomplished, right? Not quite.
The aftermath of UFC 73 is really what landed this fight as my top pick. It’s a special kind of person that tests positive for anything following a title fight. Honestly, at the highest levels of competition you’d have to be as blind as Anne Frank not to see a drug test coming. It makes it all the more amusing that both Sherk and Franca tested positive for steroids following the fight. I would give up anything in my life to have been able to be a fly on the wall when Dana White heard this news. Something tells me his reaction was a little more than a simple facepalm. As usual, neither fighter was at fault for their positive tests, as Franca was forced by the UFC to roid up, and the CSAC botched Sherk’s results. Hey, these things happen in MMA.
So there you have it folks, a boring ass fight that ended up with both participants being suspended and the champ being stripped of his title. All parties involved, fans especially, would have been better off had these gladiators met under the XARM banner, but alas, it now goes down as the worst title fight in UFC history.
Apparently, now, the CagePotato Roundtable only happens when The Boss is on vacation (which means the inmates run the asylum for a day or two with Mr. Goldtsein’s unbelievable wealth, a seventeen-day luxurious private cruise to the Bahamas – don’t forget my obligatory touristy t-shirt BG) and that means it brings out the “fringe” contributors who enjoy throwing spitballs while generally making a ruckus in the back of the room in order to mess with the substitute instructors.
The topic of the “Worst UFC Title Fight” is a bit of a conundrum for me because, personally, Georges St. Pierre vs. Matt Serra 1 was one of the worst moments of my life because of my inner bro-mance with GSP and my buddies’ propensity for reminding me that my affinity is unnatural. But, I digress. Since I hosted all of the UFC parties (and got ALL the PPV bills) there is still one in particular that pains me.
It was a highly anticipated bout that pitted LHW Champion Randy Couture vs. Vitor Belfort at UFC 46 and if you look at the fight card now, you’d call me a poseur for complaining about this. No shit – the three prelim fights that didn’t air that night had Matt Serra vs. Pat Curran, Josh Thomson vs. Hermes Franca and Georges St. Pierre vs. Karo Parisyan. The PPV featured (in)famous names like Lee Murray, Jorge Rivera, Carlos Newton, Wes Sims, Frank Mir, Matt Hughes and B.J. Penn. The World Series of Fighting would double-barrel jerk-off Mr_Misanthropy AND crappiefloper while Fried Taco watched, if the promoters could get a collection of talent like that [Ed. Note: Wow.].
Needless to say, this main event fight should’ve been awesome but 45 seconds later . . . . . . It was OVER. That’s right! I lasted longer on Prom Night – she’ll tell you too, not by much . . . . but still – than the LHW Championship bout at UFC 46 and I screamed (on both occasions), “WHAT THE FUCK?!”
Then I realized that Couture’s eyeball was literally about to fall completely out of his head – Hostile style. Vitor’s glove grazed his outer eyelid and it caused a HORRIFIC paper cut-esque slice. Yeah, a paper cut that could actually make your eye-ball drop out of your head. It was gross and it was an absolutely warranted stoppage by the hot red-headed doctor (that I still dream of). Yet, 45 seconds later and the championship fight was over without a single punch landing cleanly.
Look, I get that every sport has to start somewhere. I GET THIS. But even by the incredibly low standards of the UFC circa 1997, Frank Shamrock’s light heavyweight title defenses against Igor Zinoviev and John Lober were laughably misguided at best and staged public executions at worst. While the promotion’s heavyweight division featured such names as Mark Coleman, Maurice Smith, and Randy Couture battling it out for the title, down at 205, they were booking Shamrock in freak show matches that even the Japanese wouldn’t touch with a ten foot gunto. The Japanese, you guys.
Where shall we begin?
Ah yes, that’s Franky boy slamming Igor through the mat in under 30 seconds at UFC 16. What a contest.
How a man coming off a pair of draws can be fast-tracked to a title shot in his promotional debut is anyone’s guess. Maybe the UFC honestly thought that this Igor character was the next Randy Couture, or perhaps he just possessed some otherworldly trash-talking skills. In any case, we were left with a pathetic mismatch, one completely shattered collarbone, and a ringside medical crew questioning whether or not a spatula was an appropriate tool to lift a fighter onto a stretcher with by the time all was said and done. Oh yeah, and Igor never fought again. He always knows when it’s about to rain, though, so perhaps it was for the best.
And if you think that’s bad, just try finding a video of Shamrock’s third title defense — a rematch against John Lober at UFC Ultimate Brazil. You won’t be able to, because the UFC most likely destroyed all evidence of the fight for legal reasons. We’ve all heard the story before: Lober managed to score a controversial technical split decision victory over Shamrock at a SuperBrawl event in Hawaii in ’97, so one year later, the UFC decided, “Hey, why not have these two settle the score now that ShamWow is the champ?”
“Sure, Lober has gone 0-5-1 in the time since they first squared off,” they said whilst diving nose first into a mountain of cocaine the likes of which you have never seen, “But it will sell because GRUDGE MATCH.” It’s a strategy that the UFC utilizes to this day, but never did it appear more transparent than during the 7-and-a-half-minute beat down that Shamaroo dished out on Lober before forcing him to tap to strikes.
Lober would go on to score two wins in his next seven contests, and Shamrock would defend the light heavyweight title against his only true test in Tito Ortiz before leaving the UFC citing “a lack of competition.” No shit.
Wow, you guys certainly left me with some options, huh? Let’s see…I guess I should point out that Ben Goldstein, if he was available to contribute, would have picked Anderson Silva vs. Thales Leites, which is the only reason why I won’t be covering that turd on a plate. I could go old-school, “how the hell is one of those guys fighting for a title in the first place?” and tackle Pat Miletich vs. Andre Pederneiras or Maurice Smith vs. Randy Couture, but considering how weak the talent pool in general was back then, it really wouldn’t be fair to include them. So instead I’ll do something even broader, lazier, yet somehow twice as deserving as the rest of the fights we’ve omitted combined, and nominate all of Tim Sylvia’s title defenses as my selection.
Boring title fights from guys like Anderson Silva and Georges St. Pierre – while infuriating for fans to watch – are at least forgivable on the basis that they’re boring because the champion is simply that much more talented than the guy across the cage from him. I may not get too excited about watching GSP jab for five rounds, but I’ll be damned if I don’t acknowledge him as the greatest welterweight in the history of our sport. With Tim Sylvia, this was most definitely not the case.
Sylvia was a champion when the heavyweight division was weak enough for the “Cabbage” Correiras of the world to pick up victories inside the Octagon. During his reign over the heavyweight division, the “strikers” either lacked anything resembling technique (Exhibit A: Gan McGee) or lacked a tough enough chin to actually exchange punches with the big man (Exhibit B: Sylvia/Arlovski III), and the grapplers lacked the striking chops necessary to penetrate The Maine-iac’s awkward jabs (Exhibit C: Jeff Monson). In a sport defined by the diverse skills and athleticism of its athletes, Sylvia managed to defend the UFC heavyweight title that Cain Velasquez proudly wears by simply taking up space and staying on his feet; a “Great White Stiff” with unlimited upward mobility, ”the poster child for over-achievement.”
Fortunately for the fans who tried to stay awake during his title defenses, he was eventually matched up against Randy Couture, and that fight was incredibly memorable thanks to A.) how badass The Natural is and B.) a moment early in the first round, when Couture took Sylvia’s back and (not quite) Fatty Boom-Boom (yet) stalled in an effort to get a completely unnecessary stand-up, which inspired one of Joe Rogan’s greatest rants (“You’re on your back, tough! Figure out a way to get up! If that’s boring, baseball’s about a million times more boring!” Classic.). Ever since that fight, Sylvia began his transformation into the amorphous blob of his former self who loses to guys you’ve never heard of on the “Where are they now?” circuit that we know today. He’s still holding out hope for the possibility of a UFC comeback, but after watching him defend the once-meaningless UFC heavyweight championship…it’s probably for the best that he never even gets close to fighting for it again.
Did we repress all memories of your least-favorite UFC title fight? Then have the honor of ruining our weekends by bringing it up in the comments section.
If the UFC gave him ample time to grow, Brock Lesnar could have been the best fighter in MMA history, according to Ken Shamrock.In an exclusive two-part interview with Sportnet’s Joe Ferraro, the MMA legend claimed the UFC missed out on a golden opport…
If the UFC gave him ample time to grow, Brock Lesnar could have been the best fighter in MMA history, according to Ken Shamrock.
In an exclusive two-part interview with Sportnet’s Joe Ferraro, the MMA legend claimed the UFC missed out on a golden opportunity by throwing Lesnar to the wolves too soon:
I think Brock mentally got beat, but I always thought that they didn’t treat Brock right either. I thought they threw him in too soon. He’s fighting guys that had 20 fights in his second fight because he’s so massive and so impressive. It wasn’t fair to him. If he would have got groomed properly, he could’ve been the best fight in any weight class, best pound-for-pound ever.
Upon entry into the UFC, Lesnar made it clear that he didn’t want any easy fights.
The UFC obliged his request by matching him up against former heavyweight champ Frank Mir. After an impressive start, Lesnar‘s inexperience caught up with him in the end, as Mir latched on a kneebar for the first-round submission finish.
Lesnar would eventually bounce back and capture the UFC heavyweight title from Randy Couture along with avenging his loss to Mir. After losing to Alistair Overeem in December 2011, he officially announced his retirement from MMA with a 5-3 professional record.
Many believe his decision to hang up the gloves was based primarily on his constant battle with diverticulitis, an intestinal disorder. Shamrock, on the other hand, thinks there were other contributing factors that lead to Lesnar‘s early exit:
I’m not sure that [the diverticulitis] is everything. I know that’s a big part of it, but what if he was training properly? Would that have even been a factor? I don’t even know. I’m just saying this guy had an opportunity to be great, and I just saw him mentally get dwindled down because he was thrown right into that.
There’s no use crying over spilt milk, especially now that the UFC has seen the emergence of pay-per-view juggernaut ChaelSonnen.
The Oregon native’s persistent trash talking is often frowned upon by his peers, but he has certainly earned a warm spot in the heart of UFC President Dana White. Since nearly upsetting Anderson Silva at UFC 117, Sonnen has quickly grown into one of the UFC’s biggest stars.
His ability to play off the media and hype fights is unrivaled in MMA. It isn’t just about the trash talking. Sonnen is a perennial middleweight contender who has challenged Silva twice for the UFC title. Their blockbuster rematch at UFC 148 is widely considered as the biggest event in UFC history.
He also received an opportunity to compete against Jon Jones for the light heavyweight title at UFC 159.
For Shamrock, it’s all about respect, and he believes Sonnen‘s style of trash talking is a major turnoff. He has no problem with Sonnen throwing verbal jabs at opponents. The problem lies in the talk being aimed at random individuals:
I don’t think [ChaelSonnen] even realizes that the minute his market goes away, he’s done. … He just mouths off at things that don’t matter. Mouth on to something that’s going to make you money, not something that’s not going to make you money.
Right now it’s working for him, but when it’s over, it’s like a Mike Tyson syndrome. When it’s over, they’re gonna step on your head, the same people you’re talking trash about are the same ones you’re gonna meet on the way down, and they’re gonna help you down faster.
With all of the people Sonnen has upset in his MMA career, there should be quite a line awaiting his arrival at the pearly gates.
(AND FOR ONLY FIVE DOLLARS MORE, I WILL PERSONALLY COME TO YOUR HOME AND SCREAM AT YOUR KIDS WHILE YOU WATCH MY FIGHT ON TEVO.)
It’s hard to say what exactly inspires aging MMA fighters with the sudden desire to give the sport another go. In Aleksander Emelianenko’s case, it was money, probably to be put towards more prison-style death tattoos. In Tank Abbott’s case, it was probably because one of his crusty drinking buddies at the local VFW bet him he wouldn’t. And in UFC HOFer Ken Shamrock‘s case, it appears that his first round TKO over that chick outside a Wetzel’s Pretzels is to thank for his most recent “comeback” fight, the details of which MMAOpinion has just passed along:
UFC Hall of Famer, Ken Shamrock will be returning to MMA on July 27 to take on British MMA star Ian ‘The Machine’ Freeman under the Ultimate Cage Fighting Championship banner at the Keepmoat Stadium in Doncaster, England.
Shamrock,a UFC Superfight Champion, made his desire to fight Freeman public when he commentated on BAMMA 12. His wish has been granted after some heavy negotiation. Shamrock has been in fights with some of all time greats including Royce Gracie and Kazushi Sakuraba but it looks like even at the grand age of 49, ‘The World’s most Dangerous Man’ is not ready to call it quits. He has not fought since November 2010. His last fight in the UK saw him lose by TKO to Robert ‘Buzz’ Berry in 2008.
While we would love to bring things like Shamrock’s record over the past few years or his general mental health into the equation, we think we should hold off on our cynicism until this fight actually goes down. And honestly, when compared to what he’s been reduced to in lieu of fighting, seeing Shamrock’s brains get turned into mashed potatoes for a few thousand bucks is probably the least humiliating thing we (or he) could ask for.
(AND FOR ONLY FIVE DOLLARS MORE, I WILL PERSONALLY COME TO YOUR HOME AND SCREAM AT YOUR KIDS WHILE YOU WATCH MY FIGHT ON TEVO.)
It’s hard to say what exactly inspires aging MMA fighters with the sudden desire to give the sport another go. In Aleksander Emelianenko’s case, it was money, probably to be put towards more prison-style death tattoos. In Tank Abbott’s case, it was probably because one of his crusty drinking buddies at the local VFW bet him he wouldn’t. And in UFC HOFer Ken Shamrock‘s case, it appears that his first round TKO over that chick outside a Wetzel’s Pretzels is to thank for his most recent “comeback” fight, the details of which MMAOpinion has just passed along:
UFC Hall of Famer, Ken Shamrock will be returning to MMA on July 27 to take on British MMA star Ian ‘The Machine’ Freeman under the Ultimate Cage Fighting Championship banner at the Keepmoat Stadium in Doncaster, England.
Shamrock,a UFC Superfight Champion, made his desire to fight Freeman public when he commentated on BAMMA 12. His wish has been granted after some heavy negotiation. Shamrock has been in fights with some of all time greats including Royce Gracie and Kazushi Sakuraba but it looks like even at the grand age of 49, ‘The World’s most Dangerous Man’ is not ready to call it quits. He has not fought since November 2010. His last fight in the UK saw him lose by TKO to Robert ‘Buzz’ Berry in 2008.
While we would love to bring things like Shamrock’s record over the past few years or his general mental health into the equation, we think we should hold off on our cynicism until this fight actually goes down. And honestly, when compared to what he’s been reduced to in lieu of fighting, seeing Shamrock’s brains get turned into mashed potatoes for a few thousand bucks is probably the least humiliating thing we (or he) could ask for.
Unfortunately for “The World’s Most Dangerous Man,” he will be facing a guy on an actual win streak in Ian Freeman, the UFC veteran who is best known for his upset TKO of Frank Mir at UFC 38. Granted, Freeman hasn’t competed since 2008, so if this thing doesn’t end in the first minute or so, we are all but guaranteed fifteen solid minutes of two dudes clinching and gasping for air while the announcers attempt to remind us that they are both “legends” or “pioneers” of the sport. Should be fun.
Who are we kidding? Shamwow has only made it out of the first round once since 2002. Let’s just go ahead and dub this fight a…
