(This is approximately how you will feel after watching the video.)
You know, for all the bizarre shenanigans Rampage Jackson seems to be getting himself into these days, he will never hold a candle to Bob Sapp. At this point in “The Beast’s” career, he has pretty much become a walking punchline in every sense of the word; a parody of a parody, if you will. And though it is easy to take shots at perhaps the lowest hanging fruit in the MMA landscape, we’re going to do it anyway. Because we follow Bob Sapp for the same reason that people watch reality television — to feel better about themselves afterward. He is the Troll 2of mixed martial arts, a fighter so terrible that one only watches him participate out of a need to feel ironic. Why can’t we look away, you ask? Because white america has never felt less threatened by a 300 pound muscular black man in the history of its existence, and we like the feeling.
Clearly Sapp has begun to embrace this image to its fullest extent, for what else can one do when in the midst of what will likely become a record setting losing streak? If you don’t believe us, just check out the promo he made for his upcoming May 12th KSW 19 clash with Mariusz Pudzianowski, courtesy of IronForgesIron. In a word, it is a revelation.
(This is approximately how you will feel after watching the video.)
You know, for all the bizarre shenanigans Rampage Jackson seems to be getting himself into these days, he will never hold a candle to Bob Sapp. At this point in “The Beast’s” career, he has pretty much become a walking punchline in every sense of the word; a parody of a parody, if you will. And though it is easy to take shots at perhaps the lowest hanging fruit in the MMA landscape, we’re going to do it anyway. Because we follow Bob Sapp for the same reason that people watch reality television — to feel better about themselves afterward. He is the Troll 2of mixed martial arts, a fighter so terrible that one only watches him participate out of a need to feel ironic. Why can’t we look away, you ask? Because white america has never felt less threatened by a 300 pound muscular black man in the history of its existence, and we like the feeling.
Clearly Sapp has begun to embrace this image to its fullest extent, for what else can one do when in the midst of what will likely become a record setting losing streak? If you don’t believe us, just check out the promo he made for his upcoming May 12th KSW 19 clash with Mariusz Pudzianowski, courtesy of IronForgesIron. In a word, it is a revelation.
Well, that just happened.
From a technical standpoint, a credit is due to Sapp’s 8 year-old niece for her ability to hold the camera so still. We’re not sure if she shot this, or if Sapp has an eight year old niece for that matter, but we dare the actual person responsible for this visual diarrhea to come forward and claim otherwise.
Aside from that, this video may just contain the most blasphemous use of the Rocky theme that we have ever seen/heard. Truly upsetting.
A few other things of note:
-Sapp prefers to consume his eggs by biting the shell and spitting the contents into the nearest sink
-He is under the impression that he is fighting someone named “Mario” on May 12th
-He REALLY enjoys evil-laughing.
-What’s with the fake scars?
-Were those literally the best highlights they could find from Sapp’s entire career?!
-We’ll admit that the Tonka Truck bit was mildly amusing. Congrats.
The promo clocks in at one minute and thirty-seven seconds. We’d like you, Potato Nation, to place your bets on the over/under for the fight itself in the comments section.
CagePotato Roundtable is our new recurring column in which the CP writing staff and some of our friends all get together to debate an MMA-related topic. Joining us this week is former CagePotato staff writer Chad Dundas, who now writes for an up-and-coming blog called ESPN. If you have a suggestion for a future Roundtable column, send it to [email protected].
CagePotato reader Alexander W. writes: “The Demetrious Johnson vs. Ian McCall fight inspired my suggestion: Greatest robberies in MMA history. I’d be curious to hear the variety of opinions out there. Surely that fight was a top ten.”
Chad Dundas
There are a lot of things about Pride Total Elimination 2003 that don’t make sense when viewed with modern MMA sensibilities. How to even comprehend a world where a skinny, haired-up, suit jacket-wearing Dana White could bet Pride bigwigs $250,000 that Chuck Liddell was going to win that company’s 2003 middleweight grand prix? Or comprehend that a bizarrely dangerous and clearly-enunciating Liddell showed up in the first round of said tournament and KTFOed an impossibly svelte Alistair Overeem? Or that Overeem had an old dude in a robe and shriners hat accompany him to the ring while carrying a big foam hammer? Or that on this night somebody got tapped out with a sleeve choke? Or that Wanderlei Silva fought Kazushi Sakuraba and it didn’t just make everybody feel sad and empty?
No sense at all.
What does still sort of make sense is this: After watching Liddell sleep Overeem, there was no way on God’s green Earth that Pride judges were going to let another UFC emissary walk out of Saitama Super Arena with a win*, so they conspired to pull off one of the greatest screwjobs in MMA history when they awarded Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira a unanimous decision over Ricco Rodriguez. The indisputable fact is, Ricco whipped Big Nog good that night, taking him down, brutalizing him, shaking off his feeble submission attempts and controlling pretty much the whole affair. At least, that’s how I remember it. Unfortunately, due to Zuffa’s ongoing war on Internet piracy it seems their bout will only be remembered by history and by the creepy old man who answers the queries you submit to the Sherdog Fight Finder.
CagePotato Roundtable is our new recurring column in which the CP writing staff and some of our friends all get together to debate an MMA-related topic. Joining us this week is former CagePotato staff writer Chad Dundas, who now writes for an up-and-coming blog called ESPN. If you have a suggestion for a future Roundtable column, send it to [email protected].
CagePotato reader Alexander W. writes: “The Demetrious Johnson vs. Ian McCall fight inspired my suggestion: Greatest robberies in MMA history. I’d be curious to hear the variety of opinions out there. Surely that fight was a top ten.”
Chad Dundas
There are a lot of things about Pride Total Elimination 2003 that don’t make sense when viewed with modern MMA sensibilities. How to even comprehend a world where a skinny, haired-up, suit jacket-wearing Dana White could bet Pride bigwigs $250,000 that Chuck Liddell was going to win that company’s 2003 middleweight grand prix? Or comprehend that a bizarrely dangerous and clearly-enunciating Liddell showed up in the first round of said tournament and KTFOed an impossibly svelte Alistair Overeem? Or that Overeem had an old dude in a robe and shriners hat accompany him to the ring while carrying a big foam hammer? Or that on this night somebody got tapped out with a sleeve choke? Or that Wanderlei Silva fought Kazushi Sakuraba and it didn’t just make everybody feel sad and empty?
No sense at all.
What does still sort of make sense is this: After watching Liddell sleep Overeem, there was no way on God’s green Earth that Pride judges were going to let another UFC emissary walk out of Saitama Super Arena with a win*, so they conspired to pull off one of the greatest screwjobs in MMA history when they awarded Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira a unanimous decision over Ricco Rodriguez. The indisputable fact is, Ricco whipped Big Nog good that night, taking him down, brutalizing him, shaking off his feeble submission attempts and controlling pretty much the whole affair. At least, that’s how I remember it. Unfortunately, due to Zuffa’s ongoing war on Internet piracy it seems their bout will only be remembered by history and by the creepy old man who answers the queries you submit to the Sherdog Fight Finder.
What stings the worst about the whole thing is that it’s easy to imagine an alternate universe where that decision went the other way. In that universe, maybe Rodriguez goes on to become one of the sport’s most beloved and respected figures, ascending to full-on legendary status and winning gold in both Pride and the UFC, before having his arm snapped by Frank Mir at UFC 140 without so much as changing the expression on his beautiful, leathery face. And instead it’s Big Nog who slips unceremoniously into obscurity, slumming it on Celebrity Rehab and fighting out his days at events like Israel FC, Cage Thug MMA, and Armageddon Fighting Championships.
If that universe is out there somewhere, I hope we all find it someday.
(*Yeah, I’m just guessing about all this, but it feels true in spirit.)
Look, everyone knows that a robbery in PRIDE means nothing because the whole thing was fake anyway. At least in those cases, you knew that the judges had their reasons. Here in America, we have robberies based off of pure, home-grown stupid. We produced the master karate sensai judge that thinks leg kicks are pointless. Out on the regional scene, in places like Texas, Ohio, Florida, and Arizona, we’ve seen decisions passed down that were mind-gobblingly incompetent. Try to forget that those same states are players in national politics.
So let me tell you bastards about Zoila Frausto. Frausto was fighting at bantamweight and walking around at 150 pounds before Bellator announced its only tournament for women in 2010 — at 115. It was a brutal weight cut, but Frausto made it. Throughout the tournament, her most impressive victories were over the scales. A bland weight-loss diet left her unable to train intensely, and her performances in the cage were every bit as anemic as you’d expect. She out-muscled a visibly smaller boxer in Jessica Pene in the quarter-finals, earning an uncontroversial, but uninspiring win.
Her opponent in the semis at Bellator 31 was Jessica Aguilar, a fantastically well-rounded fighter out of American Top Team. The Warrior Princess spent most of the fight backpedaling, and her face told a bruising tale after fifteen minutes. Aguilar didn’t have a scratch, but Frausto got a split decision — one of the judges gave her all three rounds. I honestly thought the judges were confused about the fighters’ identities — the decision was that bad. So Frausto advanced to the finals.
Here, at least, justice would be done. Frausto’s opponent was Megumi Fujii, the undefeated, best female fighter on the planet (she’s not a can crusher ben dammit icanthearyou lalalalalalalalalalala). Fujii had outclassed both her opponents in the tournament, and she’d have her way with this interloper and claim an American title.
Except she wouldn’t. Fujii, like some kind of insane Sakuraba with a vagina, elected to stand and box with the one-dimensional striker. Frausto does her best Leonard Garcia impression [Ed. note: Hold on, I’m getting to that. -BG], putting on an impressive show of offense without actually managing to do anything or even land most of her attacks. Fujii out-lands her, out-maneuvers her, and out-works her. But those big arm movements must be impressive from a distance. Despite Frausto’s swollen face and rapidly closing eye, one Florida judge scores it four rounds to one for her, another sees it a bit closer, one judge has a brain in his head but he’s outvoted and boom: Frausto catches another gift decision and claims the Bellator Straw-weight Championship.
Rematches with both Aguilar and Fujii have been pursued, but neither have ever materialized. To this day, the women’s rankings are skewed and Frausto retains the belt. She’s hasn’t fought at 115 since October 2010.
If you need a “real” answer, then fine: Leonard Garcia vs. Chan Sung Jung at WEC 48, which is the robbery by which all modern robberies are judged. It’s the LeBron James of robberies. Judges love Leonard Garcia because he grunts like a female tennis player when he throws punches, and that irrational love helped Garcia take a similar decision against Nam Phan in December 2010, and previously hypnotized one judge into scoring it Garcia’s way when he got blown out in all three rounds against Mark Hominick at WEC 51. But Garcia/Jung 1 has to be the worst of the lot — or anybody’s lot — because it added a foul aftertaste to the greatest MMA brawl since Griffin vs. Bonnar at the TUF 1 Finale. It’s the proverbial poop-pie at the end of a great southern meal.
According to FightMetric, Garcia shouldn’t have won any rounds of that fight, let alone two. Here’s how Bad Boy clinched the split-decision, despite being outstruck 106-71 — he scored two takedowns, and he was the aggressor for much of the fight, meaning that the faces he made while audibly whiffing his hooks were much scarier than his opponent’s, as the Korean Zombie was tagging Leonard at will. Obviously it wasn’t a career-ender for Jung, who got his revenge 11 months later. But it was such a perfect representation of what’s wrong with modern MMA judging: Striking totals don’t matter, each takedown counts for a billion points, and “Octagon Control” can always be used to justify scoring it for the guy you like better. Ugh. Terrible.
Whenever I think of a robbery, normally Matt Hamill and Michael Bisping immediately come to mind. But a fight that tops even that is Machida/Rua 1 at UFC 104. That fight was incredibly hyped because of “The Machida Era.” Everyone was so entranced by the Elusive one. The Dragon had us eating out of the palm of his hand. Besides, nobody really knew which Mauricio “Shogun” Rua would show up for the fight and to be honest, who could blame them? After multiple knee surgeries, a broken arm, and some seriously lackluster performances not many people saw this as anything but an uphill battle for Rua. Machida was even favored in the odds by over 4-1, and for good reason.
However, right from the start, Shogun took to the center of the Octagon and kept cutting angles on Machida. That set the stage for some dirty boxing but more importantly some incredibly vicious leg kicks. It was evident before the end of the first round that Shogun was landing the more damaging shots. Machida started off in southpaw, but as I said, those leg kicks quickly changed all of that, seeing as Machida needed to change stances during round three.
It became apparent in round four and five that Machida had slowed down considerably. Meanwhile, Rua kept pushing forward, landing harder strikes, cutting Machida off with angles, and pushing him against the cage. It seemed like Rua had it all in the bag. It isn’t often you find yourself agreeing with Mike Goldberg but this seemed like one of those times, a clear-cut unanimous decision for the challenger, right? Wrong.
Judges Cecil Peoples, Nelson Hamilton, and Marcos Rosales scored the bout 48-47 for Machida. Rosales and Peoples both scored the first three rounds in favor of the champion, while Hamilton gave Machida rounds two, three, and four. After the fight, Cecil Peoples stated that leg kicks don’t win fights, and further explained that he thought Machida was landing the cleaner, more efficient shots during the entirety of the fight. FightMetric, however, disagreed claiming Shogun outstruck Machida in round one (19 to 11), round two (21 to 7), round three (19 to 14), round four (10 to 4), and round five (13-6). I don’t know what three of MMA’s most experienced judges were smoking the night of UFC 104, but I would wager it smelled of shenanigans.
Remember that scene from The Hurricane, where the black Rubin Carter beats the hell out of the white Joey Giardello, yet loses on the scorecards of the blatantly racist white judges? Yeah, it turns out that the real fight was nothing like that. At all. Not that that should surprise you. That scene displayed such over-the-top biases that I’d assume something like that could never happen in real life if I wasn’t familiar with Mariusz Pudzianowksi vs. James Thompson II.
It’s not that I want to believe that the outcome was predetermined; it’s just that literally everything about the completely unnecessary rematch leads me to that conclusion. The rematch was booked for KSW 17: Revenge — an event named by the least subtle person to ever work for the Polish MMA promotion. While Mariusz Pudzianowski was unsurprisingly the overwhelming fan favorite, his only significant offensive output was a jab he landed early in the second round. Meanwhile, Thompson landed numerous takedowns and punches from the mount and side control throughout the fight. Thompson dominated, yet Pudzianowski was still declared the winner by majority decision. While a terrible decision shouldn’t always lead one to believe the bout was a work, it doesn’t help that one of the judges’ scorecards looked like this. The hometown hero had earned his revenge — on paper, at least.
The fight has since been declared a no-contest due to miscommunication between the judges, who declared the bout a draw which should have warranted a sudden-death round, and the referee. Not that it matters. Even if the miscommunication never occurred, the sudden-death round was completely unnecessary. Thompson won easily and has nothing but a no-contest on his record to show for it. Fauh-king joooooooooke, indeed.
Jared Jones
Marcos Galvao may be the most cursed man in the history of decisions. For every gift Leonard Garcia is undeservedly given, three Christmas presents are stolen from beneath Galvao’s children in their sleep, metaphorically speaking. I would quote something about the yin and yang of life, but being that I was recently ostracized from my tree dwelling commune for urinating on one too many stray animals, I will save the liberal hippie analogy for another day.
The point is, Galvao’s fight with Joe Warren at Bellator 41 was the first time in recent memory that I actually believed the judges were paid off. Fresh off his damn-near-heroic comeback victory over Joe Soto, in which he snagged the Bellator Featherweight championship, self-proclaimed (aren’t they always?) “Baddest Man on the Planet” Joe Warren decided to make a run at the Bantamweight crown. Why he was set on trying to capture two titles before defending one is beyond me, but Warren figured he’d test the waters against journeyman Marcos Galvao in a 137-pound catchweight fight back at Bellator 41. Galvao, who was riding a three-fight win streak over mediocre competition, seemed like a perfect matchup for both Warren and Bellator to display the champ’s dominance. This idea has backfired on Bellator before, and it should have backfired on them on that cool April night.
The first round was close, but clearly Galvao’s, as Warren’s main offensive output consisted of attempting wild takedowns that succeeded in getting him mounted on more than one occasion. Perhaps that was the goal, but I can guaran-damn-tee his goal in the second round wasn’t to eat as many flying knees as humanly possibly, and yet that’s how it went down. The third was clearly Warren’s, but was nowhere near the 10-8 round he would have needed to walk away with a lucky draw. Despite all this, Warren would claim victory, and Galvao’s children would go hungry for another night, because the world can be a cold, unforgiving place. Though Warren would meet his maker in Alexis Vila shortly thereafter, Galvao would wind up on the wrong end of another bullshit decision against, you guessed it, Alexis Vila. Yin and Yang, folks.
Go ahead, TRY and throw some Fightmetric stats at me for the Warren/Galvao fight; it will be as pointless an argument as the one that tree-hugging tyrant Raiyne Thomas-Kirkpatrick-Gilligan and I had before I was kicked out of Serenity Gardens. Neither of us are going to change our ways, so we’d best just move along.
Did we leave out any good MMA robberies? Let us know *your* #1 pick in the comments section.
Robert Burneika is a cartoonishly bulky, Lithuanian-born bodybuilding champion who goes by the nickname “Hardkorowy Koksu,” which Google tells me is Polish for “Hardcore Coke.” (I guess the dude likes to party?) Following in the footsteps of Mariusz Pudzianowski, Burneika is set to make his MMA debut in the main event of MMA Attack 2, April 27th in Spodek, Poland. Coincidentally, or maybe not coincidentally, Burneika will be facing off against Marcin Najman (0-2), best known as the guy who Pudzianowski steamrolled in his own MMA debut.
To this point, Burneika’s martial arts experience has been limited to fucking up watermelons, although he’s apparently been picking up some knowledge from Robert Drysdale lately. Here’s a clip of Hardcore Coke in action, showing off his Gallagher-inspired high-kicks. If he can land that thing on Najman, we’ll have a new super-hulk contender on our hands. After the jump: Burneika works the heavy bag and shows off his cooking skills.
Robert Burneika is a cartoonishly bulky, Lithuanian-born bodybuilding champion who goes by the nickname “Hardkorowy Koksu,” which Google tells me is Polish for “Hardcore Coke.” (I guess the dude likes to party?) Following in the footsteps of Mariusz Pudzianowski, Burneika is set to make his MMA debut in the main event of MMA Attack 2, April 27th in Spodek, Poland. Coincidentally, or maybe not coincidentally, Burneika will be facing off against Marcin Najman (0-2), best known as the guy who Pudzianowski steamrolled in his own MMA debut.
To this point, Burneika’s martial arts experience has been limited to fucking up watermelons, although he’s apparently been picking up some knowledge from Robert Drysdale lately. Here’s a clip of Hardcore Coke in action, showing off his Gallagher-inspired high-kicks. If he can land that thing on Najman, we’ll have a new super-hulk contender on our hands. After the jump: Burneika works the heavy bag and shows off his cooking skills.
Given their frequency within the sport, we oft discuss the rematch here at CagePotato: we’ve mentioned a few that we’d like to see, we’ve mocked the possible occurence of others, and we’ve even gone as far as to predict how future ones would go down. And with 2011 featuring over 10 in the UFC alone, we decided to take a look back at at a year that both showcased and disgraced the awesomeness that is the rematch. Join us on this trip down memory lane, won’t you?
The Ones We Needed to See
#5 – Anderson Silva vs. Yushin Okami at UFC 134 (Silva v. Okami, though this image could be from just about any of Silva’s fights.)
Why it had to happen: Because the first fight marked the last time Silva had lost…at anything, and even if it was by way of illegal upkick DQ, it was enough to convince some people that Okami had his number. Plus, Okami had earned his shot by this point, and we were getting pretty damned tired of debating this old issue.
How it happened: Absolute. Domination. In typical fashion, Silva toyed with Okami like he was wrestling with his 4 year old nephew, letting the audience know that the fight would end when he decided it would. A head kick that rocked Okami at the end of the first round reinforced this belief, and Silva mercifully finished him off in the second. Cut. Print. TKO.
Given their frequency within the sport, we oft discuss the rematch here at CagePotato: we’ve mentioned a few that we’d like to see, we’ve mocked the possible occurence of others, and we’ve even gone as far as to predict how future ones would go down. And with 2011 featuring over 10 in the UFC alone, we decided to take a look back at at a year that both showcased and disgraced the awesomeness that is the rematch. Join us on this trip down memory lane, won’t you?
The Ones We Needed to See
#5 – Anderson Silva vs. Yushin Okami at UFC 134 (Silva v. Okami, though this image could be from just about any of Silva’s fights.)
Why it had to happen: Because the first fight marked the last time Silva had lost…at anything, and even if it was by way of illegal upkick DQ, it was enough to convince some people that Okami had his number. Plus, Okami had earned his shot by this point, and we were getting pretty damned tired of debating this old issue.
How it happened: Absolute. Domination. In typical fashion, Silva toyed with Okami like he was wrestling with his 4 year old nephew, letting the audience know that the fight would end when he decided it would. A head kick that rocked Okami at the end of the first round reinforced this belief, and Silva mercifully finished him off in the second. Cut. Print. TKO.
How they happened: Things didn’t go so well for “Bad Boy” the second time around; after falling prey to Jung’s Submission of the Year earning twister at UFN 24, Garcia would be upended by Phan in a Fight of the Night earning performance at UFC 136. Though detrimental to Garcia’s career, it did restore the balance between the sacred realms that had been thrown into chaos as a result of his previous “victories.” And hey, at least he took it with class.
What they proved: That MMA judging has not followed the sport’s rapid evolution over the past ten years, and perhaps it was time for a change. We’ve already discussed what needs to be done, but are still waiting for our lawyer to draft up the official documents. Anyone else got an idea?
We got the following snapshot of one of the judge’s scorecards from Saturday night’s KSW 17 show from a reader today and we’re still trying to decipher what the hell it means.
We got the following snapshot of one of the judge’s scorecards from Saturday night’s KSW 17 show from a reader today and we’re still trying to decipher what the hell it means.
We’re thinking the stick figures on the left indicate knockdowns or takedowns, and that the author is a Conan O’Brian fan, but why he actually gave props to his homies at Copacabana Fight Team, unless he knew the cards would be published, is beyond our comprehension. Then again, he did score the main event in favor of Pudzianowski, so it’s not likely he even knows what the hell he was doing.
FYI, the Pudz-Thompson bout has since been ruled a “no contest.”
Filed under: Fighting, NewsA controversial weekend match in Poland that ended with former World Strongest Man Mariusz Pudzianowski on the winning end of a judges’ decision has been changed to a no contest.
A controversial weekend match in Poland that ended with former World Strongest Man Mariusz Pudzianowski on the winning end of a judges’ decision has been changed to a no contest.
According to KSW company officials, a judge’s error led to the incorrect initial announcement of Pudzianowski’s win in the co-main event of their KSW 17 show.
The promotion said that judge Piotr Baginski scored the two-round fight in favor of Pudzianowski’s opponent James Thompson on his official scorecard, but told the in-ring referee he had favored the local fighter. That gave Pudzianowski a majority decision.
Upon review of the scorecards, the fight was in fact a two-round draw, with one judge scoring it for each fighter, and the third having a 19-19 tie. Under KSW rules, a two-round draw is extended into overtime.
“Due to the fact that the overtime round did not happen, KSW owners along with KSW officials have decided to erase this fight from fighters’ records and declare the sixth bout at KSW 17 a no contest,” the promoters said in a statement announcing the change.
Company officials added that they would review scoring procedures to ensure such errors do not occur in future events.
With the new result, Pudzianowski’s record is 3-2 with 1 no contest, while Thompson is 16-14 with 1 no contest.
The bout had been a rematch of their May 2011 fight, which Thompson won with a second-round arm triangle. There was no word given if the inconclusive second bout would lead to a third fight.
A controversial weekend match in Poland that ended with former World Strongest Man Mariusz Pudzianowski on the winning end of a judges’ decision has been changed to a no contest.
