Tag: Martial Arts Fail of the Week

Martial Arts Fail of the Week: Pagan Ninja Prostitute Teaches You How to Make a Smokescreen

We really wish we had more to say about this week’s Martial Arts Fail, PotatoNation. But the video and the headline sort of speak for themselves. It’s a ninja who happens to be a witch, a pagan, and an escort (according to her extremely NSFW twitter). In the above video she does some cool ninja moves of dubious real life effectiveness and teaches you how to make a smokescreen.

The below video has some more intense ninja training (sword fights, fire, scaling buildings, throwing stars, and even an arm-bar) and it can be seen after the jump.

We really wish we had more to say about this week’s Martial Arts Fail, PotatoNation (which, by the way, was submitted to us by one Rob Harris. Thanks, Rob!). But the video and the headline sort of speak for themselves. It’s a ninja who happens to be a witch, a pagan, and an escort (according to her extremely NSFW twitter). In the above video she does some cool ninja moves of dubious real life effectiveness and teaches you how to make a smokescreen.

The below video has some more intense ninja training (sword fights, fire, scaling buildings, throwing stars, and even an arm-bar).

I guess she seems legit as far as Ninjitsu goes, but Ninjitsu itself isn’t really worth all that much. What more is there to say?

If you see any video that’s good (or bad) enough to make the cut, let us know! Send it to [email protected].

Martial Arts Fail of the Week: Balinese White Magic Is the Best Base for MMA

Remember when we said nobody on Martial Arts Fail of the Week could possibly be worse than Ashida Kim?

We might’ve been wrong.

Enter Yellow Bamboo, a martial art based on “Balinese White Magic” which promises to create “the necessary power within you to achieve whatever positive outcome you desire.”

In the case of the above video, the outcome most people desire is apparently being able to send legions of defrauded fools into spasms by posing and screaming as loud as you possibly can like you’re on Dragon Ball Z.

What’s even better is that these Jedi Knight-like powers can be yours, FREE! All you have to do is send the school an email and they’ll send you the download link. Fortunately for the Potato Nation, someone linked their training on YouTube. It’s as laughable as you might expect. There’s crazy, rice-related initiation ceremonies, holy water, singing, full moons, energy beams, and other insanity. This might be the most cult-like martial art we’ve ever seen.

The best part of all this, though, is that some of these Yellow Bamboo guys were officially exposed in a real fight, not unlike the Finnish Ki master who was featured on CagePotato’s first-ever Martial Arts Fail of the Week. Check out these Yellow Bamboo scrubs getting choked out after the jump…

Remember when we said nobody on Martial Arts Fail of the Week could possibly be worse than Ashida Kim?

We might’ve been wrong.

Enter Yellow Bamboo, a martial art based on “Balinese White Magic” which promises to create “the necessary power within you to achieve whatever positive outcome you desire.”

In the case of the above video, the outcome most people desire is apparently being able to send legions of defrauded fools into spasms by posing and screaming as loud as you possibly can like you’re on Dragon Ball Z.

What’s even better is that these Jedi Knight-like powers can be yours, FREE! All you have to do is send the school an email and they’ll send you the download link. Fortunately for the Potato Nation, someone linked their training on YouTube. It’s as laughable as you might expect. There’s crazy, rice-related initiation ceremonies, holy water, singing, full moons, fasting, energy beams, and other insanity. This might be the most cult-like martial art we’ve ever seen.


(Fast forward to about 50 minutes in to see him do some pretty terrible katas, if you can even call them that. And these katas get BAT SHIT CRAZY around 1:20:00)

The best part of all this, though, is that some of these Yellow Bamboo guys were officially exposed in a real fight, not unlike the Finnish Ki master who was featured on CagePotato’s first-ever Martial Arts Fail. Check out these Yellow Bamboo scrubs getting choked out:

Of course, like with every bullshit martial art, there’s an in-built excuse. “Yellow Bamboo can only be used for good purpose,” the website says. “If one tries to use it for a bad purpose either nothing will happen or the magick [sic] will have a boomerang effect back on the sender.”

To clarify, it’ll work when you’re using it on other people who are spending money to learn it. It never works in competition though because that’s not a “pure” purpose.

So what do you say, Potato Nation? Are these jokers worse than Ashida Kim?

If you see any video that’s good (or bad) enough to make the cut, let us know! Send it to [email protected].

Martial Arts Fail of the Week: The Mystic Art of Bo Fung Do

What, you haven’t heard of Bo Fung Do? Are you some kind of martial arts hobbyist or something? We only cater to hardcore fans at CagePotato, so here’s the rundown:

Bo Fung Do is “a martial art system geared for practical self defense against one or more opponents.” It’s a Wing Chun offshoot whose name means “The Way of the Sudden Storm.”

Judging by the above video, there’s no better way to prepare for a street fight against multiple opponents than to flail at opponents adorned in more padding than a self-conscious teenage girl’s bra.

Actually, we’re not being fair. There’s another crucial aspect to this ancient, prestigious art:  Fighting in front of some strobe lights while being blasted with fake snow. See a video of it after the jump.

What, you haven’t heard of Bo Fung Do? Are you some kind of martial arts hobbyist or something? We only cater to hardcore fans at CagePotato, so here’s the rundown:

Bo Fung Do is “a martial art system geared for practical self defense against one or more opponents.” It’s a Wing Chun offshoot whose name means “The Way of the Sudden Storm.”

Judging by the above video, there’s no better way to prepare for a street fight against multiple enemies than to flail at opponents adorned in more padding than a self-conscious teenage girl’s bra.

Actually, we’re not being fair. There’s another crucial aspect to this ancient, prestigious art:  Fighting in front of some strobe lights while being blasted with fake snow.

To be fair, this isn’t the worst school we’ve seen on Martial Arts Fail. The facilities these guys have (the foam padded rooms, the environmental hazard rooms) are actually pretty cool. It’d be interesting to train some real martial arts in those rooms to see what it’s like to fight on a hard surface in the rain rather than open mat space or in a cage. And it’s good that they’re at least trying to do some full contact…they just do it wrong. Look at the video. What is that going to teach the guy getting “attacked?” If three dudes were trying to beat you down, they wouldn’t be awkwardly smothering you, they’d be stomping the shit out of you and punching you. And they wouldn’t be easily dispatched by some slaps either.

The verdict on Bo Fung Do? Their hearts are in the right place, but pretty much everything else is as far from real fighting as you can get. Check out the rest of their YouTube channel to see what we mean.

If you see any video that’s good (or bad) enough to make the cut, let us know! Send it to [email protected].

Martial Arts Fail of the Week: “27 of the Deadliest Poison-Hand Techniques Ever Devised”

This is the jackpot, Potato Nation. It’s the most god-awful Martial Arts Fail we’ve ever seen.

Before you keep reading, watch the video. Our words can’t do it justice. It epitomizes the unfortunate but ever-present fraudulent side of martial arts. For every legitimate school teaching people how to defend themselves, there are 1,000 schools teaching the kind of complete crap in the video.

Did you watch it yet? Because you really need to.

The guy in the video is no martial artist. He’s a conman who calls himself Ashida Kim. Bullshido.net, a website dedicated to exposing martial arts fraud, performed an in-depth investigation on Kim, who’s real name is Radford W. Davis. In addition to peddling this deadly ninja master bullshit, Kim/Davis also mails out phony martial arts certifications. An investigator from Bullshido even managed to get a certificate saying he was a black belt in Vale Tudo from Kim/Davis.

Feeling like you wanna punch this guy yet? Well, he’s got a plan for that. It’s called the $10,000 Challenge, which includes such stipulations as posting a $25,000 “appearance bond” to make sure you don’t skip town as well as paying Kim $10,000 to show, as well as footing the bill for his lodging and food. Nice.

Oh, and this guy also claims he can levitate. Watch the video of him attempting to do so after the jump.

This is the jackpot, Potato Nation. It’s the most god-awful Martial Arts Fail we’ve ever seen.

Before you keep reading, watch the video. Our words can’t do it justice. It epitomizes the unfortunate but ever-present fraudulent side of martial arts. For every legitimate school teaching people how to defend themselves, there are 1,000 schools teaching the kind of complete crap in the video.

Did you watch it yet? Because you really need to.

The guy in the video is no martial artist. He’s a conman who calls himself Ashida Kim. Bullshido.net, a website dedicated to exposing martial arts fraud, performed an in-depth investigation on Kim, who’s real name is Radford W. Davis. In addition to peddling this deadly ninja master bullshit, Kim/Davis also mails out phony martial arts certifications. An investigator from Bullshido even managed to get a certificate saying he was a black belt in Vale Tudo from Kim/Davis.

Feeling like you wanna punch this guy yet? Well, he’s got a plan for that. It’s called the $10,000 Challenge, which includes such stipulations as posting a $25,000 “appearance bond” to make sure you don’t skip town as well as paying Kim $10,000 to show, and also footing the bill for his lodging and food. Nice.

Oh, and this guy also claims he can levitate:

Can it possibly get worse than this?

If you see any video that’s good (or bad) enough to make the cut, let us know! Send it to [email protected].

Martial Arts Fail of the Week: This Makes Point Fighting Look Like Frye-Takayama

Remember last week’s Martial Arts Fail–the one with the worst karate demo known to man?

This week, we have a follow-up to that video in the form of a sparring match between two black belts from what appears to be the same school. That’s right, a sleuthing member of Reddit unearthed the dojo’s identity. Apparently, this Taekwondo McDojo is called the World Martial Arts Association and is headquartered in Brooklyn. If the words of an anonymous Redditor who claims to have once been a student can be believed, they charge $40 a class, and $600 per belt test. Here’s the full thread on Reddit, in case you’re interested in this sort of thing.

The funniest (or saddest) part, however, isn’t on Reddit or YouTube, but on the school’s own website…

Remember last week’s Martial Arts Fail–the one with the worst karate demo known to man?

This week, we have a follow-up to that video in the form of a sparring match between two black belts from what appears to be the same school. That’s right, a sleuthing member of Reddit unearthed the dojo’s identity. Apparently, this Taekwondo McDojo is called the World Martial Arts Association and is headquartered in Brooklyn. If the words of an anonymous Redditor who claims to have once been a student can be believed, they charge $40 a class, and $600 per belt test. Here’s the full thread on Reddit, in case you’re interested in this sort of thing.

The funniest (or saddest) part, however, isn’t on Reddit or YouTube, but on the school’s own website. It’s the obviously self-written bio for the school’s headmaster, which ends with the lines “He never hesitates to say that he brings his martial arts acumen to all these endeavors. He has been called by some a ‘Renaissance man.’” Wow. How’s that for pomposity?

And about the video? It pretty much speaks for itself. It’s atrocious non-fighting with some Street Fighter music passed off as legitimate martial arts. That kind of crap makes point-fighting look like some of MMA’s most physical brawls.

If you see any video that’s good (or bad) enough to make the cut, let us know! Send it to [email protected].

Martial Arts Fail of the Week: The World’s Worst Karate Demo (No, Really)

(via Bullshido.net)

This week’s Martial Arts Fail isn’t deriding a dubious technique or making light of a strange weapon. No, this week we’re providing a demonstration of how bad mainstream martial arts is.

Watch the above video. That’s what middle class America thinks martial arts is–awkwardly flailing your limbs while concentrating your ki and shouting like you’re in labor. We must warn you though, this video is bad. You might get chest pain from laughing. Or you might get chest pain from depression at what’s become of martial arts instruction in the United States.

We don’t know the school, or the style (Taekwondon’t? You get it? OK it was lame, sorry). All we know is that it’s awful.


(via Bullshido.net)

This week’s Martial Arts Fail isn’t deriding a dubious technique or making light of a strange weapon. No, this week we’re providing a demonstration of how bad mainstream martial arts is.

Watch the above video. That’s what middle class America thinks martial arts is–awkwardly flailing your limbs while concentrating your ki and shouting like you’re in labor. We must warn you though, this video is bad. You might get chest pain from laughing. Or you might get chest pain from depression at what’s become of martial arts instruction in the United States. Think about it, everyone in that room is a black belt. We know that isn’t news, but it’s still really depressing. Being able to spaz out while in a gi means you’re a certified, street-lethal ninja. Thanks, Obama.

We don’t know the school, or the style (Taekwondon’t? You get it? OK the joke was lame, sorry). All we know is that it’s awful.

On a serious note, teaching people that this kind of stuff is “self defense” is liable to get them hurt. There really should be some kind of law against this kind of crap, since people apparently can’t educate themselves when it comes to martial arts.

Anyway, if you really think you’re ready for this, then by all means, hit the play button. Just don’t say we didn’t warn you about the overpowering amounts of strip mall karate present.

If you see any video that’s good (or bad) enough to make the cut, let us know! Send it to [email protected].