You didn’t hear about Dana White’s latest announcement: An MMA-related Magic the Gathering set?
Well,there’s a reason you didn’t hear about it: It didn’t happen. Thankfully, one of our favorite past times is figuring out what products should needlessly be merged with our MMA obsession. A few days ago, we arrived at Magic the Gathering (MTG for short). We played the addictive card game back in high school. We wondered what a set of MTG that spans the entire MMA world might look like. The below cards–featuring the likes of Dana White, Conor McGregor, Greg Jackson, as well as several “MMA memes”–are the result of our mental meandering.
A few notes: We haven’t played Magic in about 10 years so some of the gameplay semantics might not be totally accurate. Also, some of the abilities are for the purposes of chiding MMA as only irreverent CagePotato can. All real photos in the cards come from Getty Images, save for the photo of “Minowaman” Ikuhisa Minowa, which comes from Sherdog. Another card’s image comes from a YouTube screen capture (you’ll know which one).
With that, here are the cards. We hope you enjoy them:
You didn’t hear about Dana White’s latest announcement: An MMA-related Magic the Gathering set?
Well, there’s a reason you didn’t hear about it: It didn’t happen.
Nae bother, one of our favorite past times is figuring out what products should needlessly be merged with our MMA obsession. A few days ago, we arrived at Magic the Gathering (MTG for short). We played the addictive card game back in high school. We wondered what a set of MTG that spans the entire MMA world might look like. The below cards–featuring the likes of Dana White, Conor McGregor, Greg Jackson, as well as several “MMA memes”–are the result of our mental meandering.
A few notes: We haven’t played Magic in about 10 years so some of the gameplay semantics might not be totally accurate. Also, some of the abilities are for the purposes of chiding MMA as only irreverent CagePotato can. Nearly all “real” photos in the cards come from Getty Images, save for the photo of “Minowaman” Ikuhisa Minowa, which comes from Sherdog.
With that, here are the cards. We hope you enjoy them:
As I tweeted earlier, I wish I had a better-quality video of this, and I’m not sure what that says about me. Basically, Ikuhisa “Minowaman” Minowa fought Swedish rookie Goran Jettingstad at Inoki Genome Fight 1 in Tokyo on Saturday, and may have possibly turned his leg completely backwards during a leg lock. I had to watch this crowd-shot footage three or four times to wrap my head around it, but yeah, that seems to be what happened.
Keep in mind that Minowa was competing in his 102nd professional fight that evening, while Jettingstad came into the match with a professional record of 0-0. (Good one, Japan!) Anyway, we’ll update this post if a better video appears. By the way, our old pal Brett Rogers also competed on the Inoki Genome Fight 1 card, where he KO’d Yusuke Kawaguchi in 28 seconds. Video of that knockout is after the jump…
As I tweeted earlier, I wish I had a better-quality video of this, and I’m not sure what that says about me. Basically, Ikuhisa “Minowaman” Minowa fought Swedish rookie Goran Jettingstad at Inoki Genome Fight 1 in Tokyo on Saturday, and may have possibly turned his leg completely backwards during a leg lock. I had to watch this crowd-shot footage three or four times to wrap my head around it, but yeah, that seems to be what happened.
Keep in mind that Minowa was competing in his 102nd professional fight that evening, while Jettingstad came into the match with a professional record of 0-0. (Good one, Japan!) Anyway, we’ll update this post if a better video appears. By the way, our old pal Brett Rogers also competed on the Inoki Genome Fight 1 card, where he KO’d Yusuke Kawaguchi in 28 seconds. Video of that knockout is after the jump…
(“So, did you find a stream of that UFC fight we bought tickets to, or will we have to show up halfway through the main event to play on our phones during it?”)
by CagePotato.com staff
1.You use “UFC” and “MMA” interchangeably.
2. You don’t know how to score a fight under PRIDE rules.
3. You boo fights the second they hit the ground.
4. Your “MMA training” consists of curling in the squat rack, shadowboxing while watching MMA (despite having never hit pads in your entire goddamn life), and picking fights at Buffalo Wild Wings.
5. You don’t have the UFC Fight Pass, security issues aside.
6. You don’t have Legacy FC and Titan FC fight cards committed to memory.
7. Your pathetic DVD collection doesn’t even have any events from Rumble on the Rock.
(“So, did you find a stream of that UFC fight we bought tickets to, or will we have to show up halfway through the main event to play on our phones during it?”)
by CagePotato.com staff
1.You use “UFC” and “MMA” interchangeably.
2. You don’t know how to score a fight under PRIDE rules.
3. You boo fights the second they hit the ground.
4. Your “MMA training” consists of curling in the squat rack, shadowboxing while watching MMA (despite having never hit pads in your entire goddamn life), and picking fights at Buffalo Wild Wings.
5. You don’t have the UFC Fight Pass, security issues aside.
6. You don’t have Legacy FC and Titan FC fight cards committed to memory.
7. Your pathetic DVD collection doesn’t even have any events from Rumble on the Rock.
8. You didn’t create a Facebook to watch preliminary fights.
9. You didn’t post a four paragraph “I don’t even have a Facebook” rant when CagePotato switched over to Facebook comments.
10. You shout “PRIDE NEVER DIE!” during every UFC card, yet you can’t name five PRIDE fighters who didn’t eventually compete in the UFC.
11. You’ve never set foot in an Indian reservation to watch amateur-level fights.
12. You’ve never gotten your ass beat in an unsanctioned smoker.
DREAM 18 wasn’t the only Japanese MMA event on New Year’s Eve. Inoki Bom-Ba-Ye 2012 – a hybrid MMA/Pro-wrestling card – also provided the MMA community with some freak show goodness. We’ve been putting off coverage of this event until videos surfaced because frankly, when the main event features a post-prime Cro Cop vs. a disgraced sumo wrestler turned professional wrestler, well, yeah, this event can wait a few days.
The main event, Cro Cop vs. Suzukawa, proved that no matter how far past his prime he is, Cro Cop can still submit a clueless jabroni making his MMA debut. In other words, it was a decent freak show fight that played out exactly as it should have. It just wouldn’t be New Year’s Eve without a freak show fight, now would it?
DREAM 18 wasn’t the only Japanese MMA event on New Year’s Eve. Inoki Bom-Ba-Ye 2012 – a hybrid MMA/Pro-wrestling card – also provided the MMA community with some freak show goodness. We’ve been putting off coverage of this event until videos surfaced because frankly, when the main event features a post-prime Cro Cop vs. a disgraced sumo wrestler turned professional wrestler, well, yeah, this event can wait a few days.
The main event, Cro Cop vs. Suzukawa, proved that no matter how far past his prime he is, Cro Cop can still submit a clueless jabroni making his MMA debut. In other words, it was a decent freak show fight that played out exactly as it should have. It just wouldn’t be New Year’s Eve without a freak show fight, now would it?
My favorite moment from this one comes around the 1:40 mark, when Ishii pushes Sylvia across the ring attempting a takedown. No one is here to say that judo doesn’t work against larger opponents, but Ishii found that it’s certainly much more difficult to implement when your opponent is a 300+ pounds of fat, ribs and lousy tattoos. Probably the best instance of a fighter being confused by his freaky opponent’s fatness since Minowaman vs. Butterbean.
Speaking of Minowaman, he fought on New Year’s Eve, as is tradition. His opponent was middleweight “Playbor” Bor Bratovz. Okay, so it wasn’t a freak show fight, but Minowa managed to defeat someone his own size, which is almost as impressive. He picks up a heel-hook in the first round of this one.
Rolles Gracie also defeated Yusuke Kawaguchi two minutes into the first round of their fight by arm-triangle choke. You’re on your own for a video of that one, though. Enjoy the freak shows.
No, the legendary Super Hluk title was not on the line.
At a glance, these fights could have just as easily been included in this morning’s can-crushing roundup. Both fights featured established names taking on little-known Korean fighters with less-than-stellar records- one of which ended rather predictably. But perhaps that wouldn’t be a fair interpretation of the phrase “can-crusher.”
Over the past three years, Melvin Manhoef has deteriorated into a fighter who is only capable of defeating his own shins, having gone 1-4 (1) since 2009. Last night, Manhoef was matched up against 14-9 (2) Korean fighter Jae Young Kim. Despite his mediocre record, Kim had won ten of his fights by knockout and wasn’t lost on the ground, either; his most recent fight was a victory by North-South choke against Hee Seung Kim.
The duo produced an entertaining three round fight that saw Manhoef walk away with a split-decision victory. Manhoef may have looked slow at times, but his ground game appears to be less of a liability than it has usually been, as he was taken down but never submitted. He now stands at 25-9-1 (1) overall.
No, the legendary Super Hluk title was not on the line.
At a glance, these fights could have just as easily been included in this morning’s can-crushing roundup. Both fights featured established names taking on little-known Korean fighters with less-than-stellar records- one of which ended rather predictably. But perhaps that wouldn’t be a fair interpretation of the phrase “can-crusher.”
Over the past three years, Melvin Manhoef has deteriorated into a fighter who is only capable of defeating his own shins, having gone 1-4 (1) since 2009. Last night, Manhoef was matched up against 14-9 (2) Korean fighter Jae Young Kim. Despite his mediocre record, Kim had won ten of his fights by knockout and wasn’t lost on the ground, either; his most recent fight was a victory by North-South choke against Hee Seung Kim.
The duo produced an entertaining three round fight that saw Manhoef walk away with a split-decision victory. Manhoef may have looked slow at times, but his ground game appears to be less of a liability than it has usually been, as he was taken down but never submitted. He now stands at 25-9-1 (1) overall.
Melvin Manhoef vs. Jae Young Kim
If Jae Young Kim is too credible of an opponent for Melvin Manhoef to deserve to be called a can, then Jin Soo Yuk isn’t credible enough to deserve that distinction. That’s a pretty bold statement on its own, let alone considering that his opponent is freak show specialist Ikuhisa Minowa. See, unlike the cans and freaks like Bob Sapp, Hong Man Choi and Butterbean that Minowaman has made a career out of defeating, Jin Soo Yuk is A.) actually a middleweight and B.) winless in his MMA career. He’s yet to prove that he can defeat anybody, so should we even be considering him a fighter?
Jae Young Kim doesn’t disappoint, as he gets caught in a kimura with one second left in the first round. Minowaman is now 54-34-8 in his career, while Jin Soo Yuk falls to 0-3. God bless your crazy hearts, Road FC matchmakers.
It should come as no surprise then that we’ve seen our share of professional fighters attempting honest-to-God professional wrestling moves in real fights. We know, we know: We’re totally not supposed to be trying this stuff at home. But fortunately for us, the following brave men have ignored the countless warnings, the advice of their trainers and their own common sense to provide us with the most entertainingly reckless ways to injure their fellow men.
But before we break out the face paint and spandex, let’s establish how I’ll be ranking such absurd maneuvers. The moves will be ranked based on their immediate effectiveness, how true to form they stay to their kayfabe counterparts, and the competence of their opponents. Let’s face it: Even if you do something insanely cool and difficult from professional wrestling in an MMA fight, if you then get knocked out, you still look like a chump. Let’s also acknowledge that a punch to a downed opponent has no business being called The Worm without the accompanying theatrics. Finally, it’s a lot easier to pull off a complex move in a fight when your opponent totally sucks at fighting. Those are my rules, and if you’re not down with that, I got two words for ya: LET’S BEGIN!
It should come as no surprise then that we’ve seen our share of professional fighters attempting honest-to-God professional wrestling moves in real fights. We know, we know: We’re totally not supposed to be trying this stuff at home. But fortunately for us, the following brave men have ignored the countless warnings, the advice of their trainers and their own common sense to provide us with the most entertainingly reckless ways to injure their fellow men.
But before we break out the face paint and spandex, let’s establish how I’ll be ranking such absurd maneuvers. The moves will be ranked based on their immediate effectiveness, how true to form they stay to their kayfabe counterparts, and the competence of their opponents. Let’s face it: Even if you do something insanely cool and difficult from professional wrestling in an MMA fight, if you then get knocked out, you still look like a chump. Let’s also acknowledge that a punch to a downed opponent has no business being called The Worm without the accompanying theatrics. Finally, it’s a lot easier to pull off a complex move in a fight when your opponent totally sucks at fighting. Those are my rules, and if you’re not down with that, I got two words for ya: LET’S BEGIN!
14.) Bob Sapp Piledrives Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira at PRIDE Shockwave, 8/28/2002.
For those of you who are new here, believe it or not Bob Sapp used to actually try during his fights. After crushing two straight foes while looking absolutely terrifying in the process, ”The Beast” found himself across the ring from PRIDE heavyweight champion Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira. Right from the start, Big Nog shoots for a takedown and immediately gets caught between Sapp’s monstrous legs. What follows is one of both men’s most iconic moments: Sapp pulls Nogueira up and piledrives him straight to the canvas.
Either that piledriver wasn’t nearly as effective as it looked, or it was far too effective and had zombified Big Nog, because Nogueira refused to stay down afterwards. Well damn, dropping the guy straight on his neck didn’t work. Now what? If you’re Bob Sapp, you respond by unsuccessfully attempting more piledrivers while your Brazilian foe mounts what I’m on record calling the greatest comeback in MMA history, eventually securing a fight ending armbar.
While this fight established Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira as a bonafide badass, it also proved once and for all that one should bring a more diverse strategy into a bout against a top heavyweight fighter than “repeatedly attempt to break his neck with a professional wrestling move.” Attempting to break his shoulder with a jiu-jitsu hold, however…
13.) Charles “Krazy Horse” Bennett Uses the Airplane Spin Against Anthony McDavitt at King of the Cage: Legends, 6/6/2009.
Let’s pretend you’re a cocky journeyman with nothing resembling a ground game. Some punk tries to lock in an armbar against you, not realizing that you are Krazy with a capital K. How do you handle this?
If you answered “spin him around like I’m a coked up 80′s wrestler and slam him head first into the cage on my way to a split-decision loss,” then accept my condolences: you and Bennett have the exact same problem solving skills. I’d advise you to stay in school and keep away from drugs, but apparently that’s what got you in this mess in the first place. So drop out and do a lot of meth, I guess.
12.) Houston Alexander Chokeslams Thiago Silva at UFC 78, 11/17/2007.
(The slam comes at the 1:23 mark.)
When then-feared knockout artist Houston “The Assassin” Alexander (Ah, how nostalgic that felt to type) found himself across the cage from Thiago Silva, he knew he’d have to break out something extra special to keep the suspiciously burly Brazilian down. Taking a cue from the giants of professional wrestling that came before him, Alexander decided that the easiest way to knock out Silva was to use a straight-up chokeslam on him.
Unfortunately for Alexander, it turns out that them pro wrasslers is lyin’ to us: A chokeslam is no more devastating than any other takedown. Especially when you’re a fish out of water on the ground and your opponent is a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu black belt. Alexander would go on to get knocked out in the first round by Silva, end up on the wrong end of what was then the UFC’s fastest knockout, get choked out by Eric Schafer and released from the UFC, brought back to job to Kimbo Slice and has currently lost two straight fights by way of vicious knockout. But other than that, his life is just wonderful.
11.) Mark Hunt Leg Drops Wanderlei Silva at PRIDE Shockwave 2004, 12/31/2004.
(Leg drop comes around 6:45)
It’s no secret that Mark Hunt was as one-dimensional as they came when he first started competing in MMA. When the Samoan kickboxer found himself staring at a grounded Wanderlei Silva, he wisely decided that a grappling match was not in his best interest. Rather, Mark Hunt figured that attempting a giant leg drop was his best option in this situation. Hey, it worked for Hulk Hogan, right?
Even though Hunt would have only connected with Silva’s stomach if it landed cleanly, and ended up with a pissed off Axe Murderer in his guard, it technically still worked: Super Samoan walked away with a split-decision victory that night.
10.) Ikuhisa Minowa Dropkicks Butterbean at PRIDE Bushido 12, 8/26/2006
For those who have never seen “Minowaman” fight, allow me to break down a typical fight of his for you in four easy steps:
Step One: Sign up to fight someone who is more than twice your size yet only half as skilled. Step Two: Do something weird to train, like ask your sparring partners to sit on each others’ shoulders while poking at you with sticks. Step Three: Attempt a professional wrestling move at some point during your fight. Step Four: Either submit your oversized grappling dummy, or get beaten to a pulp by the much larger foe.
Any questions?
9.) Jon Jones Suplexes Stephan Bonnar at UFC 94, 1/31/2009 + 8.) Jon Jones Suplexes Brad Bernard at Full Force Productions: Untamed 20, 4/12/2008.
Yes, nerds: I’m well aware that suplexes are legitimate wrestling takedowns. Well la-dee-frickin’-da. Let me guess, you also call rappers by their real names instead of their stage names, complain about the “unrealistic” parts of science fiction movies and just can’t enjoy a hilarious YouTube video because of all the bad grammar in the comments section.
Now, if you’re looking for an MMA bout that will more than likely produce a German suplex that would make Chris Benoit blush, put the arrogant hotshot who would go on to be the youngest champion in UFC history (and arguably the greatest American MMA fighter in the brief history of our sport) in the cage with an aging veteran and let nature take its course. If you’re looking for one that is practically guaranteed to produce a wild double underhook suplex, lock said hotshot in the cage with an unathletic looking self-described “bar room brawler” who is 0-2 in cage fights and keep a camera on them at all times.
7.) Jonathan Ivey Uses The People’s Elbow on Some Fatty (Event and Date Unknown)
I have no idea who the tubby in the yellow trunks is that’s doing his best Bob Sapp impression. I have no idea what event this went down at, or even what year this fight took place during. What I do know is that the fighter in black trunks is none other than heavyweight journeyman Jonathan Ivey, who upon seeing that for once he’s actually the guy doing the damage, decides to use The People’s Elbow against that disgusting fatbody.
Technically, you’re right: I have no idea if Jonathan Ivey actually won this fight, so it shouldn’t really be this high up on the list. But come on, once you allow someone to use The People’s Elbow on you in a real fight – most of the theatrics included – you automatically lose. In a just world (i.e. my mind), the referee watched Ivey dance his way into The People’s Elbow and immediately stopped the contest. Ivey celebrated, while chunky decided to retire from the sport, grow a killer mustache, adopt a beagle and never speak of his career as one of them Vale Tudo fellers again.
Hit that “next page” link for another example of PRIDE being awesome, a throwback clip of the WEC imitating WCW, and the perfect way to finish an opponent…
