Tag: professional wrestling

The 15 Worst Pro Wrestling Gimmick Costumes


(Nothing says “tough guy” like fake muscles and a landing strip.)

By Shep Ramsey

Ah, professional wrestling. You blaze into our lives when MMA fails us, reminding everyone that sometimes, it’s totally okay to put on ridiculous matches with absurd stipulations and objectify women.

On second thought, we can’t even tell the difference between you both.

At least wrestling allows us to tune in and out, without the pressure of having to watch every single event. The reason we love pro wrestling so much is because, like David Wooderson says about high school girls in Dazed & Confused, we get older and they stay the same age.

If anything, pro wrestling has become more mature than its fanbase, despite the WWE’s PG-rating. One thing we have to deal with less are the bad costumes — painted-on gimmicks that were never going to work, no matter how hard they were forced down our throats.

Here are 15 of the most senseless and detestable costumes inflicted upon some good wrestlers, and some really bad ones.

15. The Goon

Guys like Tie Domi and Bob Probert were NHL sluggers in the mid-1990s, so maybe that explains The Goon’s odd inclusion into the world of pro wrestling. It would have been cool if this guy came to the ring in actual skates, instead of those platform boots that are mostly favored by goth teenagers and drag queens these days.

14. Rocky Maivia


(Nothing says “tough guy” like fake muscles and a landing strip.)

By Shep Ramsey

Ah, professional wrestling. You blaze into our lives when MMA fails us, reminding everyone that sometimes, it’s totally okay to put on ridiculous matches with absurd stipulations and objectify women.

On second thought, we can’t even tell the difference between you both.

At least wrestling allows us to tune in and out, without the pressure of having to watch every single event. The reason we love pro wrestling so much is because, like David Wooderson says about high school girls in Dazed & Confused, we get older and they stay the same age.

If anything, pro wrestling has become more mature than its fanbase, despite the WWE’s PG-rating. One thing we have to deal with less are the bad costumes — painted-on gimmicks that were never going to work, no matter how hard they were forced down our throats.

Here are 15 of the most senseless and detestable costumes inflicted upon some good wrestlers, and some really bad ones.

15. The Goon

Guys like Tie Domi and Bob Probert were NHL sluggers in the mid-1990s, so maybe that explains The Goon’s odd inclusion into the world of pro wrestling. It would have been cool if this guy came to the ring in actual skates, instead of those platform boots that are mostly favored by goth teenagers and drag queens these days.

14. Rocky Maivia

He’s one of the most popular wrestlers to ever live and he could be the greatest of all-time, but unfortunately, Dwayne Johnson’s pre-Rock costume screams “lead role in a porn spoof of Braveheart.” Seriously, what in the name of Christ were the wardrobe specialists trying to do here? No wonder fans wanted him to die. Although when it’s all said and done, the joke’s on us for not making $44 million a year to star in a profusion of C-list movies.

13. Max Moon

Max Moon is a deleted scene from The Running Man.

12. Phantasio

The most frustrating thing about Phantasio was that his build could have led to something further down the road. I’m not sure he was a good wrestler, because I can’t really remember and the last thing I want to do is give him three minutes more of my time on YouTube, but had they ditched the Phantom of The Opera shtick, this guy could have, well, been someone else. He’s just so creepy, like someone who strangely appears at the end of your wet dream for absolutely no reason.

11. Shark Boy

When TNA wasn’t worse than a Friends spinoff, they were pretty fun to watch. One of their wrestlers, Shark Boy, had commenced his gimmick in the later stages of WCW (what better place to start) and thrived under the Tennessee-based company. He was more or less a really skinny dude who wore a shark mask and spandex that looked as if he was trying to be a shark. Never has a wrestler gone so far with a child’s dollar-store Halloween costume.

Ratings Tell the Tale: Pro Wrestling Is More Popular Than Ever — And MMA Promoters Need to Pay Attention


(Photo via UCWZERO)

By Citizen Kane Dewey

It’s hard to believe that only a few years ago, fans were predicting that MMA was going to kill off professional wrestling. The WWE’s ratings were slipping, and with the rise in popularity of MMA as professional wrestling’s unscripted counterpart, many fans did not feel that professional wrestling was long for this world.

To write that professional wrestling hasn’t exactly gone extinct would be a gigantic understatement. The WWE is not only attracting more viewers to its cable shows than the UFC is, but the company is also coming off of a wildly successful Wrestlemania XXX, an event in which over one million households paid to watch. Although pay-per-view buys were estimated at a healthy 400,000 for the April 6th event, much of the credit for that strong figure can be attributed to the WWE Network — the all-digital online streaming service that had 667,000 subscribers by the time Wrestlemania XXX aired.

“The Wrestlemania numbers just go to show how popular our sport is, even in the Internet era,” says Matthew Roblez, a veteran wrestling announcer and commentator who was appointed as commissioner of the Ultra Championship Wrestling Zero league last year. “People can’t wait to consume wrestling through new methods.”

Of course, it isn’t just the WWE that has been benefiting from the rejuvenated popularity of professional wrestling. Independent wrestling promotions such as Ring of Honor, Chikara, and Wildkat Sports have enjoyed packed auditoriums and sold-out events, as well as healthy Internet followings devoted to keeping up with their favorite promotions. In fact, the aforementioned UCW Zero has recently been awarded Utah’s Best of State for professional and semi-pro sports, beating out the Utah Jazz, Utah Grizzlies, and Real Salt Lake as the state’s best sports organization.


(Photo via UCWZERO)

By Citizen Kane Dewey

It’s hard to believe that only a few years ago, fans were predicting that MMA was going to kill off professional wrestling. The WWE’s ratings were slipping, and with the rise in popularity of MMA as professional wrestling’s unscripted counterpart, many fans did not feel that professional wrestling was long for this world.

To write that professional wrestling hasn’t exactly gone extinct would be a gigantic understatement. The WWE is not only attracting more viewers to its cable shows than the UFC is, but the company is also coming off of a wildly successful Wrestlemania XXX, an event in which over one million households paid to watch. Although pay-per-view buys were estimated at a healthy 400,000 for the April 6th event, much of the credit for that strong figure can be attributed to the WWE Network — the all-digital online streaming service that had 667,000 subscribers by the time Wrestlemania XXX aired.

“The Wrestlemania numbers just go to show how popular our sport is, even in the Internet era,” says Matthew Roblez, a veteran wrestling announcer and commentator who was appointed as commissioner of the Ultra Championship Wrestling Zero league last year. “People can’t wait to consume wrestling through new methods.”

Of course, it isn’t just the WWE that has been benefiting from the rejuvenated popularity of professional wrestling. Independent wrestling promotions such as Ring of Honor, Chikara, and Wildkat Sports have enjoyed packed auditoriums and sold-out events, as well as healthy Internet followings devoted to keeping up with their favorite promotions. In fact, the aforementioned UCW Zero has recently been awarded Utah’s Best of State for professional and semi-pro sports, beating out the Utah Jazz, Utah Grizzlies, and Real Salt Lake as the state’s best sports organization.

“The fact that our league beat out big four sports teams to win the Best of State Sports award speaks volumes,” Matthew Roblez continued. “People love wrestling more than ever.”

What’s interesting is the contrast between independent wrestling and independent MMA. Many independent MMA organizations — despite the popularity of the sport and abundance of prospects willing to compete — are failing to reach the audiences that independent wrestling leagues currently enjoy. For that matter, many small-time MMA shows today are only attracting the crowd sizes that small-time wrestling shows would attract not too long ago.

So why are the indie wrestling leagues like UCW Zero more successful than their MMA counterparts? Well, pick up an event poster from your local MMA promotion. How many times will you spot the phrase “UFC Veteran” on the poster, next to a fighter who is fresh off of a forgettable run in the big leagues? And how many times is this fighter given top billing over local prospects who are still attempting to prove themselves? A big part of independent wrestling’s success is due to the dedication to finding talented young wrestlers and turning them into stars; as indie wrestler Chris Hero recently noted, independent wrestling promoters have realized that they no longer need to rely on established ex-WWE wrestlers in order to generate interest in their own shows.

Perhaps the key to the consistent growth of MMA doesn’t lie with the high-profile powerhouse of the UFC, but with a stronger independent scene. If local, independent MMA can create and support future stars with the same efficiency as independent wrestling, then mixed martial arts might be able to recapture its “Fastest Growing Sport” slogan. In the meantime, there’s a lot that real fighting can learn from sports entertainment.

Meanwhile, in Professional Wrestling: Don Frye and Yoshihiro Takayama Have Sloppy, Kayfabe Rematch [VIDEO]


(Props: MiddleEasy)

I’ll get this out of the way up front: I’m not exactly a fan of remakes. Attempting to improve something that most people think is fine as-is usually results in the creation of something indefensibly stupid (like that 2002 remake of Rollerball) that will make everyone feel terrible about themselves (like how anyone who paid to watch that 2002 remake of Rollerball felt). This is especially true when the people remaking something completely miss the point of what they’re remaking, and decide to take out all the parts with social commentary and replace them with explosions and sideboob (You get the point).

So I guess it goes without saying that when All Japan Pro Wrestling attempted to recreate Don Frye and Yoshihiro Takayama’s PRIDE 21 encounter during a professional wrestling match last Sunday, I wasn’t exactly a fan. The fact that it happened during a tag team match also featuring Masayuki Kono and Keiji Mutoh didn’t exactly help things for me. Two things before we go any further – yes, fellow wrestling nerds, Keiji Mutoh used to be The Great Muta and no, I didn’t know he was still alive, either.

Video awaits after the jump.


(Props: MiddleEasy)

I’ll get this out of the way up front: I’m not exactly a fan of remakes. Attempting to improve something that most people think is fine as-is usually results in the creation of something indefensibly stupid (like that 2002 remake of Rollerball) that will make everyone feel terrible about themselves (like how anyone who paid to watch that 2002 remake of Rollerball felt). This is especially true when the people remaking something completely miss the point of what they’re remaking, and decide to take out all the parts with social commentary and replace them with explosions and sideboob (You get the point).

So I guess it goes without saying that when All Japan Pro Wrestling attempted to recreate Don Frye and Yoshihiro Takayama’s PRIDE 21 encounter during a professional wrestling match last Sunday, I wasn’t exactly a fan. The fact that it happened during a tag team match also featuring Masayuki Kono and Keiji Mutoh didn’t exactly help things for me. Two things before we go any further – yes, fellow wrestling nerds, Keiji Mutoh used to be The Great Muta and no, I didn’t know he was still alive, either.

Things start off fine, as Don Frye cuts a totally insane promo for the bout (obviously) and then everyone makes their way to the ring. And then the actual match starts, and everything completely goes to shit. Masayuki Kono and Keiji Mutoh demonstrate how an MMA fight would look if one of the participants could barely move after spending nearly thirty years as a professional wrestler and the other participant tried to slow down enough to make his partner look agile. Seriously, you may just want to skip to the 8:16 mark of the video.


06. Mutoh & Frye vs Takayama & Kono – (AJPW 03… by SenorLARIATO

Frye and Takayama give the crowd an extended hug, some light shoulder punches and sloppy suplexes that vaguely resembled their PRIDE encounter the same way that Celine Deon’s cover of “You Shook Me All Night Long” vaguely resembles something a person with a soul and a personality would enjoy. Their original encounter was so incredibly dramatic and awesome because it was all very real, despite looking like something straight out of professional wrestling. Their kayfabe recreation, where even the dimmest fans in the audience knew that it was fake, never had a chance at being more than a rest period for Kono and Mutoh.

This wasn’t exactly twenty minutes of lucha libre, but you wouldn’t know it by how badly all four men gassed out by the end. But at least we were given Don Frye stomping on Masayuki Kono until he let go of what sort-of resembled an armbar, so, you know, there’s that.

@SethFalvo

Wild Slam of the Day: Paul Gaffney Wins his Amateur Debut via Choke Toss

Brock Lesnar demonstrating proper choke toss technique. When performed correctly, the toss will vaporize at least three tables while the performer levitates to safety.

Ladies and gentlemen of CagePotato.com, take note: If you want us to publish a video of one of your fights – especially if it’s your amateur debut – you have to break out something special. A walk-off knockout, a flying armbar, actually wearing someone’s CagePotato.com user name on your shorts like we’ve been trying to get someone to do for over three years now; something that really makes you stand out from the crowd.

Of course, the easiest way to do this is to pull off a professional wrestling maneuver in an MMA fight, which is exactly what Team Link’s Paul Gaffney did against Tollison Lewis on Friday night. Just seventeen seconds into his amateur MMA debut, “Piglet” (seriously) realized that Lewis was heavily overmatched, and that this fight wouldn’t be lasting much longer. While the MMA purists among us would have just kept punching until the referee waived things off, Gaffney channeled the giants of professional wrestling on poor Tollison Lewis, earning one of the coolest slam knockouts on record and the right to call himself Piglet as much as he wants to without being made fun of.

Video of Gaffney’s slam is after the jump


Brock Lesnar demonstrating proper choke toss technique. When performed correctly, the toss will vaporize at least three tables while the performer levitates to safety.

Ladies and gentlemen of CagePotato.com, take note: If you want us to publish a video of one of your fights – especially if it’s your amateur debut – you have to break out something special. A walk-off knockout, a flying armbar, actually wearing someone’s CagePotato user name on your shorts like we’ve been trying to get someone to do for over three years now; something that really makes you stand out from the crowd.

Of course, the easiest way to do this is to pull off a professional wrestling maneuver in an MMA fight, which is exactly what Team Link’s Paul Gaffney did against Tollison Lewis on Friday night. Just seventeen seconds into his amateur MMA debut, “Piglet” (seriously) realized that Lewis was heavily overmatched, and that this fight wouldn’t be lasting much longer. While the MMA purists among us would have just kept punching until the referee waived things off, Gaffney channeled the giants of professional wrestling on poor Tollison Lewis, earning one of the coolest slam knockouts on record and the right to call himself Piglet as much as he wants to without being made fun of.


Choke Toss comes at the 1:55 mark.

At this time, it’s probably appropriate to mention that CagePotato is not responsible for protecting your feelings if you attempt a professional wrestling maneuver in an MMA fight and completely botch it. Sure, it’d be unspeakably awesome to see The Razor’s Edge in MMA, but it’d be equally hilarious to see some misguided fool lose a fight by attempting one. In the same way that Kalib Starnes, despite winning the AFC Middleweight Championship after his tragic marathon against Nate Quarry, could never shake his reputation as “the guy who ran away from Nate Quarry for three rounds,” nothing that fool will ever accomplish in life will get people to know him as anything other than “that dude who blew his back out trying to powerbomb someone.”

Basically, what we’re saying is don’t try this at home (unless you want to be Internet famous).

@SethFalvo

Got an even gnarlier finish from one of your fights? Send it to [email protected]!

Dave Bautista Gets New, Incredibly Beatable Opponent For Oct. 6 MMA Debut

(Vince Lucero vs. Tim Sylvia at a 2010 CFX event. We’re not sure if we’ve ever seen a more pathetic ending to a fight in our lives. On second thought…) 

Like many MMA fans out there, we are of two minds when it comes to Dave Bautista. On one hand, we should be applauding the former WWE star for having the cojones to step into the cage and give a sport as laborious and intense as MMA a try despite both his age and experience level saying that he should do just the opposite. On the other hand, he represents little more than another splash in the recent wave of professional wrestlers looking to exploit a sport they have little experience in and little desire to actually further.

More often than not, guys like Bautista, Bobby Lashley, and Brock Lesnar to a degree (TO A DEGREE) are not professional fighters in the purest sense of the word; they are opportunists who crossover to MMA looking to make a decent buck and get out before they hurt themselves too badly. For if they were seriously seeking a new career path, they would logically test themselves on the amateur circuit before diving head first into a sport in which ill preparation can lead to serious health issues in both the immediate and distant future. Although their participation in MMA in turn draws legions of new fans to the sport, it also cheapens the value of what it means to call oneself “a professional fighter.” Not to get on our soapbox here, but that is a title that should be earned through hard work and dedication, not a few months of sparring and pure name value.

So when it was announced that Bautista would be debuting against a guy who was clearly picked because his name resembled a certain former UFC champion, the world reacted with a collective “ugh.” But if you think that’s bad , just wait until you hear the story that led to Bautista’s new opponent, the 22-22 Vince Lucero you were introduced to in the above video.


(Vince Lucero vs. Tim Sylvia at a 2010 CFX event. We’re not sure if we’ve ever seen a more pathetic ending to a fight in our lives. On second thought…) 

Like many MMA fans out there, we are of two minds when it comes to Dave Bautista. On one hand, we should be applauding the former WWE star for having the cojones to step into the cage and give a sport as laborious and intense as MMA a try despite both his age and experience level saying that he should do just the opposite. On the other hand, he represents little more than another splash in the recent wave of professional wrestlers looking to exploit a sport they have little experience in and little desire to actually further.

More often than not, guys like Bautista, Bobby Lashley, and Brock Lesnar to a degree (TO A DEGREE) are not professional fighters in the purest sense of the word; they are opportunists who crossover to MMA looking to make a decent buck and get out before they hurt themselves too badly. For if they were seriously seeking a new career path, they would logically test themselves on the amateur circuit before diving head first into a sport in which ill preparation can lead to serious health issues in both the immediate and distant future. Although their participation in MMA in turn draws legions of new fans to the sport, it also cheapens the value of what it means to call oneself “a professional fighter.” Not to get on our soapbox here, but that is a title that should be earned through hard work and dedication, not a few months of sparring and pure name value.

So when it was announced that Bautista would be debuting against a guy who was clearly picked because his name resembled a certain former UFC champion, the world reacted with a collective “ugh.” But if you think that’s bad , just wait until you hear the story that led to Bautista’s new opponent, the 22-22 Vince Lucero you were introduced to in the above video.

According to MMAFighting, it was revealed that Evans had not been training for Bautista in the weeks prior to the bout — unless you consider fending off knife fights in the yard and gang rape in the shower “training” – because he was in jail while the fight was being promoted. So clearly, we’re looking at a fighter and a promotion primarily focused on achieving MMA legitimacy here people. After Evans was temporarily released from his stay, it seemed as if things were back on schedule. But unfortunately for “The Animal” (as well as Evans), it turns out that when you hand pick an opponent based on their complete lack of anything resembling competence, it could end up biting you in the ass. Evans was pulled over just a few days after his release and promptly thrown back in the hoosegow for driving without a valid license and therefore violating his parole. And so the great superfight of 2012 was off.

The promotion that we have the decency not to name then decided to pair Bautista against Bruno McKee, who, like Bautista and Evans, had zero professional experience. Unfortunately, McKee would also drop out, claiming that he did not have enough time to prepare for whatever skill set Bautista apparently brings to the table (Author’s note: there seems to be a lot of that going around lately).

When the promotion was made aware that Chael Sonnen would not in fact be stepping in to fight Bautista, who Sonnen described as “a freakish, musclebound dolt who hasn’t earned the right to peruse my hamper of dirty gym shorts*,” they once again found themselves in panic mode, which is how they came upon the 40 year old Lucero to fill in on just five days notice.

And once again, we are of two minds when it comes to Bautista. On one hand, at least he’s willing to fight an incredibly experienced IFL and Bellator veteran for his professional debut. On the other, he is fighting a man whose most notable win came over Josh Haynes back in 2004 and who is 2-9-1 in his last twelve. BUT HE’S WON HIS LAST TWO, YOU GUYS.

Who are we kidding, this is going to be a shitshow.

We’ve managed to scour the Internet and find a video of Lucero’s performance against Roy Nelson, which we’ve added below. If you feel the desire to watch his performance against Ron Sparks, go here.

OK, that may have been the most pathetic ending to a fight we have ever witnessed. At least this time it wasn’t Lucero’s fault, we guess.

This sure-to-be FOTY goes down on October 6th from the Dunkin Donuts Center in Providence, R.I. To find out how to purchase tickets, first pick up a phone, dial 911, and then beat yourself over the head with that phone until the ambulance arrives.

*Chael Sonnen has never made such a statement, but we imagine he’d say something incredibly similar if given the opportunity. 

–J. Jones

[VIDEO] Brock Lesnar Claims That He is “Never Coming Back” to the WWE


(How many times do I have to tell you people this? I HAVE COMMITMENT ISSUES!) 

My grandfather always told me “Believe half of what you see and none of what you hear,” a statement that would in turn lead to a lifetime’s worth of cynicism. So perhaps it’s just my general misanthropy rearing its ugly head, but when former UFC heavyweight champ Brock Lesnar released a video last night declaring that he was “never coming back” to the WWE, I was a bit skeptical. After all, Lesnar just returned to the promotion in April, and I may not follow the WWE anymore, but I’m pretty sure that Vince McMahon doesn’t hand out many five month contracts. For Christ’s sake, isn’t Ric Flair’s decomposing corpse still fighting for a retirement check that will never come?

Anyway, Lesnar released the video that awaits you after the jump, stating:

I came here and I accomplished everything that I said I was going to do. There’s nothing left for me here to conquer. I’m leaving the WWE and I’m never coming back.


(How many times do I have to tell you people this? I HAVE COMMITMENT ISSUES!) 

My grandfather always told me “Believe half of what you see and none of what you hear,” a statement that would in turn lead to a lifetime’s worth of cynicism. So perhaps it’s just my general misanthropy rearing its ugly head, but when former UFC heavyweight champ Brock Lesnar released a video last night declaring that he was “never coming back” to the WWE, I was a bit skeptical. After all, Lesnar just returned to the promotion in April, and I may not follow the WWE anymore, but I’m pretty sure that Vince McMahon doesn’t hand out many five month contracts. For Christ’s sake, isn’t Ric Flair’s decomposing corpse still fighting for a retirement check that will never come?

Anyway, Lesnar released the video that awaits you after the jump, stating:

I came here and I accomplished everything that I said I was going to do. There’s nothing left for me here to conquer. I’m leaving the WWE and I’m never coming back.

Typical to Lesnar’s character, his message was succinct and to the point. Atypical of Lesnar, however, was his ability to string two sentences together without mentioning chicken salad or chicken shit.

Before you even mention it (although you undoubtedly will), I get it, Lesnar is no longer of our concern, wrestling is gay, etc. And in a way, I agree with you, homophobic notions aside of course. I haven’t watched a professional wrestling match since I was in 7th grade aside from the occasional Youtube tribute to the Stone Cold Stunner, and whatever Lesnar decides to do with his career from this point on is completely up to him. But to act as if there is no crossover between MMA and professional wrestling is blindingly ignorant, and there is little denying that Lesnar is one of the most polarizing, not to mention diverse, figures in both worlds. He converted legions of fans over to the world of MMA, and retired from the sport almost as quickly as he made an impact on it. Following the path of his career may seem as frivolous as following Gina Carano’s these days, but I don’t think we should completely turn our back on anyone who has done as much for the sport as either of those two have.

According to an article by Bleacher Report, however, which broke down last weekend’s Summerslam event, the main event bout between Lesnar and “rival” Triple H was basically a shitshow. Marred by inactivity and repetition, not to mention Lesnar breaking Triple H’s arm with a kimura again, author Tim Keeney called for an end to the feud once and for all. This could be just a case of a kneejerk overreaction to an event that failed to live up to the hype, or it could be an honest assessment of how quickly Lesnar’s flame has burned out in the WWE. Lesnar retired at the exact moment he became aware of his fleeting relevance in the UFC, and this video seems to be an acknowledgement of a similar mindset regarding his career in professional wrestling. But perhaps I am just reading too far into things.

This leads me to ask: Has Lesnar truly reached the end of the road as far as his sporting career is concerned, or is this just another ploy by the WWE to boost his popularity? Or will we see Lesnar attempt to recapture NFL glory next?

Discuss. Complain. Lament. Whatever.

–J. Jones