(It was on this night that Dana realized: No matter how many f-bombs you can get away with in public, one n-bomb will still get you shot.)
As difficult as it is to be a poster-designer for the UFC these days, it seems that it is even more trying to be a fan of the promotion in general, especially one who actually purchases tickets and pay-per-views (chumps). Main events, co-main events, and entire cards are being switcherooed, discombobulated, kerfluffled, skip-skopped, skallywagged, and outright cancelled seemingly willy-nilly, and the constant change of pace is clearly taking its toll on UFC fans around the world.
Realizing the mounting frustration that has taken over our already acrimonious audience, we’ve tried to coax you away from this harsh, unforgiving world of news and enchant you with fancy knockouts, hot chicks, and pot-shots at Jose Canseco to make it all better. Basically, we’ve rubbed some ‘tussin on your open, festering wounds, but as Sam Peebles will tell you, no amount of Bull’s Eye Red Licorice will make up for the fact that you were raped in the library bushes as a child.
…
I forgot where I was going with that analogy, but here’s a supercut of Dana White’s best f-bombs to help get you through this topsy-turvy day in MMA.
(It was on this night that Dana realized: No matter how many f-bombs you can get away with in public, one n-bomb will still get you shot.)
As difficult as it is to be a poster-designer for the UFC these days, it seems that it is even more trying to be a fan of the promotion in general, especially one who actually purchases tickets and pay-per-views (chumps). Main events, co-main events, and entire cards are being switcherooed, discombobulated, kerfluffled, skip-skopped, skallywagged, and outright cancelled seemingly willy-nilly, and the constant change of pace is clearly taking its toll on UFC fans around the world.
Realizing the mounting frustration that has taken over our already acrimonious audience, we’ve tried to coax you away from this harsh, unforgiving world of news and enchant you with fancy knockouts, hot chicks, and pot-shots at Jose Canseco to make it all better. Basically, we’ve rubbed some ‘tussin on your open, festering wounds, but as Sam Peebles will tell you, no amount of Bull’s Eye Red Licorice will make up for the fact that you were raped in the library bushes as a child.
…
I forgot where I was going with that analogy, but here’s a supercut of Dana White’s best f-bombs to help get you through this topsy-turvy day in MMA.
I don’t know about you fucking people, but I feel a lot fucking better.
(Believe it or not, Columbia Pictures saw this coming some 8 months ago, and chose Kevin James to star in a movie about Konrad’s life.)
Maybe it’s just me, Potato Nation, but recent events have led me to believe that I have stepped into some sort of alternate reality where up is green, foot is west, and Joe Silva apparently never existed. So maybe I should just take the confounding news that current Bellator heavyweight champion and undefeated powerhouse Cole Konrad is retiring from MMA to obtain a position as a financial trader specializing in milk products as sign that my suspicions are correct. Seriously, I feel like I’m taking crazy pills.
The Twincities.com report said Konrad, 28, is leaving fighting to become a financial trader at a Minnesota-based firm that supplies ingredients to the feed, pet food, food processing and chemical industries. Konrad will specialize in trading milk products.
Plans to find a new champion are unclear at the moment. The news first was reported byTwincities.com and subsequently confirmed to MMAjunkie.com (www.mmajunkie.com) by a source close to the promotion.
Of all the reasons for retirement we have heard MMA fighters give…this is a new one.
(Believe it or not, Columbia Pictures saw this coming some 8 months ago, and chose Kevin James to star in a movie about Konrad’s life.)
Maybe it’s just me, Potato Nation, but recent events have led me to believe that I have stepped into some sort of alternate reality where up is green, foot is west, and Joe Silva apparently never existed. So maybe I should just take the confounding news that current Bellator heavyweight champion and undefeated powerhouse Cole Konrad is retiring from MMA to obtain a position as a financial trader specializing in milk products as sign that my suspicions are correct. Seriously, I feel like I’m taking crazy pills.
The Twincities.com report said Konrad, 28, is leaving fighting to become a financial trader at a Minnesota-based firm that supplies ingredients to the feed, pet food, food processing and chemical industries. Konrad will specialize in trading milk products.
Plans to find a new champion are unclear at the moment. The news first was reported byTwincities.com and subsequently confirmed to MMAjunkie.com (www.mmajunkie.com) by a source close to the promotion.
Of all the reasons for retirement we have heard MMA fighters give…this is a new one.
Granted, it’s not exactly like Cole has been fighting enough lately to reel in a ton of money — he’s fought just twice since the start of 2011 — but considering how far he has managed to come in the sport despite being a professional for less than two years, you can’t help but feel that he is blowing a huge opportunity here.
Apparently there is a lot of money to be made in milk these days, especially in the line of work Konrad has chosen, but I just get creeped out by the kind of crowd it draws. Best of luck to Konrad, though.
Konrad now joins Jorgen Kruth as the second flabbergasting retirement in as many weeks to happen in the world of MMA, and will end his career (for now, at least) with a perfect record of 9-0.
Although Bellator officials have declined to comment on Konrad’s decision, you have to imagine that the finals of this season’s heavyweight tournament — which is set to kick off on October 5th at Bellator LXXV and features a rematch between Eric Prindle and Thiago Santos that will totally happen this time, for reals — will now determine the new champion of the division.
Then again, we’ll probably hear word that three of the four quarterfinalists have been forced to withdraw from the event due to injury any minute now…
(Seen here: One of the fighters who still has a chance of competing at UFC 153.)
Let’s face it: There is little more we can say to convey our disappointment in the disintegration of UFC 153. The card began solid enough (see above), then it got a little less awesome, then it got significantly more awesome, and now it is resting in a state of awesome limbo that it may never return from, which is not really awesome at all if you think about it.
What fight would you, the fans, like to see as the new main event of UFC 153?
We’ve placed a few of the most likely options after the jump, but feel free to choose the “Other” option and give us your picks/reasoning in the comments section. The sky is the limit, but we must warn you, we’ve already asked Dana to consider Zimmer-Martinez II, and he gave us a resounding “maybe.”
(Seen here: One of the fighters who still has a chance of competing at UFC 153.)
Let’s face it: There is little more we can say to convey our disappointment in the disintegration of UFC 153. The card began solid enough (see above), then it got a little less awesome, then it got significantly more awesome, and now it is resting in a state of awesome limbo that it may never return from, which is not really awesome at all if you think about it.
What fight would you, the fans, like to see as the new main event of UFC 153?
We’ve placed a few of the most likely options after the jump, but feel free to choose the “Other” option and give us your picks/reasoning in the comments section. The sky is the limit, but we must warn you, we’ve already asked Dana to consider Zimmer-Martinez II, and he gave us a resounding “maybe.”
Create your free online surveys with SurveyMonkey, the world’s leading questionnaire tool.
(“What kind of backwards country is this? The game is called Whac-a-Mole, not Whac-a-Capybara, and the animals aren’t supposed to be alive!”)
Just a few hours ago, we promised that a few beautiful knockout videos would successfully help us all blissfully drift into a world where injuries no longer determined both the content of everyother CP article and the makeup of every other UFC card, but it seems our vision of an impossibly awesome MMA utopia is merely that…an impossibility.
Be that as it may, some of you might be pleased to hear that amidst the UFC 153 clusterfuck of injuries lies a potential silver lining. According to FightersOnly, who have sited several anonymous sources, a grudge match years in the making between Wanderlei Silva and Chael Sonnen is being looked at as a possible replacement for UFC 153 now that Jose Aldo — or perhaps, the general incompetence of Brazilian drivers — has massacred our dreams of a featherweight title superfight.
Details remain sketchy at the moment, but in a recent interview with Portal do Vale Tudo, Silva stated that he would be more than willing to step up for the good of the UFC and his home country’s fans if asked to do so:
I think fighting in Rio would be great. Under no circumstances could I turn that down. I would love to fight for the crowd in Rio, and if it were against that guy who everybody wants me to face, it would be beautiful.
(“What kind of backwards country is this? The game is called Whac-a-Mole, not Whac-a-Capybara, and the animals aren’t supposed to be alive!”)
Just a few hours ago, we promised that a few beautiful knockout videos would successfully help us all blissfully drift into a world where injuries no longer determined both the content of everyother CP article and the makeup of every other UFC card, but it seems our vision of an impossibly awesome MMA utopia is merely that…an impossibility.
Be that as it may, some of you might be pleased to hear that amidst the UFC 153 clusterfuck of injuries lies a potential silver lining. According to FightersOnly, who have sited several anonymous sources, a grudge match years in the making between Wanderlei Silva and Chael Sonnen is being looked at as a possible replacement for UFC 153 now that Jose Aldo — or perhaps, the general incompetence of Brazilian drivers — has massacred our dreams of a featherweight title superfight.
Details remain sketchy at the moment, but in a recent interview with Portal do Vale Tudo, Silva stated that he would be more than willing to step up for the good of the UFC and his home country’s fans if asked to do so:
I think fighting in Rio would be great. Under no circumstances could I turn that down. I would love to fight for the crowd in Rio, and if it were against that guy who everybody wants me to face, it would be beautiful.
Rumor has it that the bout is being considered at a catchweight of 195 pounds, which might sound familiar to the three of you who actually paid for UFC 147. At this point in his career, Wandy is basically the go-to guy for any Brazilian MMA card that is circling the drain.
Wanderlei also stated that although he wasn’t exactly in fighting shape at the moment, he is on weight and healthy enough to fight if needed:
From experience, a fighter always has to be ready. I am not in a competition training schedule but I am training, on-weight and feeling good. It’s just a case of if I am offered the fight.
I accept to fight any one and with him it would be tasteful. It would be a bout that people would like to see. I wasn’t offered it yet, but if the boss needs me and I can contribute to make the fans happy, I would feel so glad.
Without opening up a whole new can of worms (or perhaps a can of worms that justwon’tclose), we’d just like to say that we wish every MMA fighter had this attitude. But there we go again, dreaming of a world that will never exist.
We will have more on this potential matchup as things develop, but in the meantime, here’s a video (courtesy of MMAFighting) in which Dana White laments over UFC 153 and how frustrating it is to be poor Frankie Edgar these days. Without trying to sound like a kiss ass, I must say that I honestly feel sorry for both guys in this situation, as both of them can’t seem to catch a fucking break lately. Oh well, I guess the fact that DW is richer than most, if not all Central African countries combined should help him sleep tonight. That, and the custom orthopedic Serta Sealy memory foam angel cloud mattress he sleeps on, of course.
So, Potato Nation, would Sonnen vs. Wanderlei be enough to quell your disappointment over the loss of Edgar vs. Aldo? Pick the less obvious answer here.
As I’ve discussed before, being a writer for a “comedic” “MMA” website such as CagePotato has its positives and its negatives. The positives, of course, are the legions of swooning, scantily clad women that are literally willing to do anything to meet Jon Jones, Chuck Liddell, or whomever we are claiming to be incredibly close friends with at the time. There are also the lavish cars, houses, and general respect from your peers that have become a staple of the blogger trade to be grateful for.
But perhaps even greater than the constant influx of trim and general swagger that comes hand-in-hand with the MMA blogger lifestyle are the epic knockout videos we get to post whenever we feel like it under the false guise of “journalism.” And with the great injury curse of 2012 once again putting us all in the dumps, today seems perfect for one such occasion, so join us after the jump for a trifecta of KO’s (and even a flying triangle) to help you cope with the fact that yet another UFC event has been temporarily upended.
As I’ve discussed before, being a writer for a “comedic” “MMA” website such as CagePotato has its positives and its negatives. The positives, of course, are the legions of swooning, scantily clad women that are literally willing to do anything to meet Jon Jones, Chuck Liddell, or whomever we are claiming to be incredibly close friends with at the time. There are also the lavish cars, houses, and general respect from your peers that have become a staple of the blogger trade to be grateful for.
But perhaps even greater than the constant influx of trim and general swagger that comes hand-in-hand with the MMA blogger lifestyle are the epic knockout videos we get to post whenever we feel like it under the false guise of “journalism.” And with the great injury curse of 2012 once again putting us all in the dumps, today seems perfect for one such occasion, so join us after the jump for a trifecta of KO’s (and even a flying triangle) to help you cope with the fact that yet another UFC event has been temporarily upended.
Our first knockout comes to us courtesy of Cage Warriors Fighting Championships, one of the last London-based promotions that doesn’t seemed destined to implode as a result of its own stupidity. In a preliminary contest, 8-3 Brett Bassett squared off against 9-5 Mike Ling, and this one was over before it ever really started. Roughly 35 seconds into the fight (5:05 in the video), Ling throws a halfhearted leg kick, and as James Irvin will tell you, nothing good can come from such a tactic. And not unlike Anderson Silva, Bassett catches the kick, immediately counters with a right hook (sure, Andy’s was a straight right, but you get it), and it’s the big kibosh, goodnight Irene, or whatever phrase that runs through your head when an MMA fighter gets dropped like a sack of potatoes.
Our next series of knockouts come from our buddies over at Inside MMA, who recently asked their viewers to submit their picks for the best submissions/knockouts of the week. The video begins with an incredible flying triangle, then quickly moves to a pair of knockouts — one that ends in just four seconds — that will surely make you forget all about that pesky featherweight title superfight that totally isn’t happening.
It may not have happened yet, but we’re going to go ahead and claim that GSP is out of UFC Whatever with a torn Whachamacallit.
The news was once again delivered by Dana White via his Twitter.
Now Aldo is out with foot injury. Main and co main in the same day!! Another amazing day at the UFC. We have some work to do.
The injury is apparently unrelated to the motorcycle accident Aldo was involved in just under a week ago, which shows us that the injury curse has moved on from simple hope crushing to full-on psychological warfare. Fuck you, injury curse. Fuck you right in the pooper.
It may not have happened yet, but we’re going to go ahead and claim that GSP is out of UFC Whatever with a torn Whachamacallit.
The news was once again delivered by Dana White via his Twitter.
Now Aldo is out with foot injury. Main and co main in the same day!! Another amazing day at the UFC. We have some work to do.
The injury is apparently unrelated to the motorcycle accident Aldo was involved in just under a week ago, which shows us that the injury curse has moved on from simple hope crushing to full-on psychological warfare. Fuck you, injury curse. Fuck you right in the pooper.
So…Edgar vs. Sonnen, anybody?
In related injury news…
Vladimir Matyushenko has suffered a torn achilles and has been forced out of his bout with the returning Matt Hamill at UFC 152. Matyushenko’s replacement will actually be the man Hamill was originally supposed to face, Roger Hollett, who pulled out from the contest with an injury that has apparently already healed. What does it matter, one of these two men ain’t making it to fight night.
