Written (along with Hostel’s Eli Roth), directed, and starring RZA from the Wu-Tang Clan, the first trailer for The Man with the Iron Fists hit the interwebs recently, and we gotta say, it looks like Kill Bill fucked The Raid: Redemptionin the remains of Game of Death. In a good way.
In feudal China, a blacksmith who makes weapons for a small village is put in the position where he must defend himself and his fellow villagers.
And that position is apparently a seven clan battle that quite possibly carries out tournament style. If Bloodsport, The Quest, or really any movie in Jean-Claude Van Damme’s career has taught us anything, it’s that the tournament setup is far and away the greatest movie formula ever invented. And hey, our favorite San Shou practitioner appears at the 1:09 mark, where he delivers a monologue that literally must have taken days to remember.
I shouldn’t have to point out (but am going to anyway) that the film also appears to have hot Asian chicks in decreasing amounts of clothing. Lord knows I’m in based on that alone, but how about yous?
Written (along with Hostel’s Eli Roth), directed, and starring RZA from the Wu-Tang Clan, the first trailer for The Man with the Iron Fists hit the interwebs recently, and we gotta say, it looks like Kill Bill fucked The Raid: Redemptionin the remains of Game of Death. In a good way.
In feudal China, a blacksmith who makes weapons for a small village is put in the position where he must defend himself and his fellow villagers.
And that position is apparently a seven clan battle that quite possibly carries out tournament style. If Bloodsport, The Quest, or really any movie in Jean-Claude Van Damme’s career has taught us anything, it’s that the tournament setup is far and away the greatest movie formula ever invented. And hey, our favorite San Shou practitioner appears at the 1:09 mark, where he delivers a monologue that literally must have taken days to remember.
I shouldn’t have to point out (but am going to anyway) that the film also appears to have hot Asian chicks in decreasing amounts of clothing. Lord knows I’m in based on that alone, but how about yous?
Whenever I am involved in a discussion regarding crime and punishment, I am often dubbed a “sociopathic”, a “loony”, or a “stay the fuck away from me and my family” kind of guy as a result of my extreme view on how people should be disciplined. Society is overpopulated and ever-increasing, so it is my belief that we should take everyone from the convicted pedophiles and murders of the world down to the sue happy whackjobs, load them into a jumbo jet, and crash it into a mountain. Those whom I have these conversations with often retort that I should have more faith in humanity, that people are inherently good and are capable of change.
And then a story like this surfaces and drags them deeper into the murky cesspool of human existence in which my faith currently lies.
Today’s story comes to us out of St. Louis, where a local woman recently released an abhorring video on Facebook (a.k.a society’s douche) in which she not only prods her infant daughter into fighting another local girl, but gives her a few pointers while she carries out the despicable act. Unfortunately, no charges have been filed at this point, so the woman’s name has yet to be released, likely out of fear that her neighbors would tie her to a fence post and take turns kicking her in the vagina with steel-toed boots in order to ensure that she never reproduces again, as they so rightfully should.
Video after the jump.
(This pretty much says it all.)
Whenever I am involved in a discussion regarding crime and punishment, I am often dubbed a “sociopathic”, a “loony”, or a “stay the fuck away from me and my family” kind of guy as a result of my extreme view on how people should be disciplined. Society is overpopulated and ever-increasing, so it is my belief that we should take everyone from the convicted pedophiles and murders of the world down to the sue happy whackjobs, load them into a jumbo jet, and crash it into a mountain. Those whom I have these conversations with often retort that I should have more faith in humanity, that people are inherently good and are capable of change.
And then a story like this surfaces and drags them deeper into the murky cesspool of human existence in which my faith currently lies.
Today’s story comes to us out of St. Louis, where a local woman recently released an abhorring video on Facebook (a.k.a society’s douche) in which she not only prods her infant daughter into fighting another local girl, but gives her a few pointers while she carries out the despicable act. Unfortunately, no charges have been filed at this point, so the woman’s name has yet to be released, likely out of fear that her neighbors would tie her to a fence post and take turns kicking her in the vagina with steel-toed boots in order to ensure that she never reproduces again, as they so rightfully should.
After Harry Carry gives us a brief, Goldbergian bit of background info on the two participants headlining TFC’s (Toddler Fighting Championships) inaugural event, we are all set for action. In the blue corner, sporting the white shirt and polka dot trunks, is Angie “The Bruiser” Baker, an undefeated prospect fighting out of Team Clairday who has collected all of her 7 victories by first round stoppage via opponent bursting into tears or wanting their bottle. And in the red corner, sporting the pink trunks, is our unnamed champion. As you can see, the octagon they are fighting in looks more like a run down apartment room, and the presence of a referee is noticeably absent, but HERE WE GO!
Round 1: At the insistence of her corner mother, our champion stuffs a takedown and responds with some overhand palm strikes ala Bas Rutten. Baker responds with a few overhand rights of her own before being bull rushed into the cage wall by the champ. A little bit of clinch work (along with a pause to cry) stalls the action for a bit, and the fans are getting restless. The mother cries out for her daughter to “Ball up some fists!” like some kind of sadomasochistic dog fighter, but gets the proper response from the champ, who drops Baker and unleashes some brutal, not to mention totally illegal, ground-n-pound. AND IT IS ALL OVER!!
Da Champ def. Angie Brown by first round TTKO (technical toddler knockout) at 1:15 of round 1.
Potato Nation, you now have the slightest idea of what Chael Sonnen’s upbringing was like. And as was the case for the Oregonian Gangster, this girl’s mother will be by her side, cheering her on until she can fight no more Social Services take her away next week.
In all seriousness, the television studio who first received the video immediately informed Social Services, who have yet to comment on the possibility of bringing action against this candidate for Mother of the Year. But if we could make a suggestion, it would be to string this woman up by her toes and have all of the local children treat her like a human pinata until she ceases to breathe. Seriously, if Houston Alexander can be arrested for challenging his son to a boxing match, how has this woman not been thrown into the worst prison that St. Louis has to offer for the rest of her natural life?!
It sickens us to know that someone would do this to their own child, especially considering the child’s almost non-existent age in this case. We would urge you to pursue legal action (or preferably Charles Bronson style vigilantism) against this vile creature of a woman, but it appears that Super Fight League has already filed a lawsuit against her for poaching clients and stealing potential viewers from their Youtube audience.
(Hey, at least they’re actually doing something on this season of Whale Wars.)
A congratulations is in order to those of you who managed to submit an entry for our “Pull No Punches” caption contest; all 134 of you. If this contest showed us anything, it’s that when it comes to comedy, or at least an attempt at it, you Taters are some like-minded SOB’s. There were at least 95 horsemeat jokes (including one likely hipster who thought ironically pointing out this fact would somehow win him a shirt), 20 some odd Anthony Johnson or B.J. Penn jokes (which are always solid), and a handful of Over the Top references (which were actually pretty awesome). Since we enjoyed scanning through your entries as much as the UFC enjoys scanning through our articles to keep us in check, we must first recognize some of the captions that just fell short of T-shirt glory.
franco3445: The Nevada State Athletic Commission came to the conclusion that the only way Overeem could compete with the T/E ratio of 14 men was to go against someone the size of 14 men.
skeletor: There is no fucking way that Anthony Johnson is making weight this time.
P2: They smiled when they realized, if you use your left hand, it totally does feel like someone else is arm wrestling.
Deadpanda: Not to be outdone by the Japanese New Year’s Freak Show, US promoters put together a 4th of July event between Alistair Overeem & Joseph Son’s inflamed right testicle.
RwilsonR: We all know BJ lets himself go between fights, but I had no idea he stops shaving his back.
mcw89138: Ladies and gentlemen, say hello to the new main event for UFC 149.
BossNasty: Reem…It’s not polite to play with your food.
And now, to the winners…
(Hey, at least they’re actually doing something on this season of Whale Wars.)
A congratulations is in order to those of you who managed to submit an entry for our “Pull No Punches” caption contest; all 134 of you. If this contest showed us anything, it’s that when it comes to comedy, or at least an attempt at it, you Taters are some like-minded SOB’s. There were at least 95 horsemeat jokes (including one likely hipster who thought ironically pointing out this fact would somehow win him a shirt), 20 some odd Anthony Johnson or B.J. Penn jokes (which are always solid), and a handful of Over the Top references (which were actually pretty awesome). Since we enjoyed scanning through your entries as much as the UFC enjoys scanning through our articles to keep us in check, we must first recognize some of the captions that just fell short of T-shirt glory.
franco3445: The Nevada State Athletic Commission came to the conclusion that the only way Overeem could compete with the T/E ratio of 14 men was to go against someone the size of 14 men.
skeletor: There is no fucking way that Anthony Johnson is making weight this time.
P2: They smiled when they realized, if you use your left hand, it totally does feel like someone else is arm wrestling.
Deadpanda: Not to be outdone by the Japanese New Year’s Freak Show, US promoters put together a 4th of July event between Alistair Overeem & Joseph Son’s inflamed right testicle.
RwilsonR: We all know BJ lets himself go between fights, but I had no idea he stops shaving his back.
mcw89138: Ladies and gentlemen, say hello to the new main event for UFC 149.
BossNasty: Reem…It’s not polite to play with your food.
And now, to the winners…
flyingtriarmbarplada, for his pair of zingers that we simply could not choose between: ”Its good to see that Alistair doesnt hold anything against Valentijn for eating their mother.” and “if this gets him a chance at a title shot im switching to WWE..”
Sho Nuff, for the funniest TRT-related joke of the bunch: “Alistair: Look, how many times do I have to tell you people, neither myself nor my 8 year old son has ever taken steroids.”
And LOKI, for his absolutely brutal, way-too-soon assessment of Japan: “It seems the meltdown at Fukushima has already had a dramatic effect on the populous.”
My God, Loki, that was simply too dark to not warrant our praise. For you lucky few, make sure to send us your real name, shirt size, and mailing address to [email protected]and we’ll be sure to ship out your shirts ASAP. For serious this time. As for the rest of you, thanks again for the effort. If you call THAT effort. BWAHAHAHA!!
(Nelson becomes the first man ever to successfully narfle the Garthok at the 2009 ADCC Absolute trials.)
Crank up the Bjork and start cubing up the Hakarl, because it appears that Icelandic BJJ phenom and undefeated prospect Gunnar Nelson is headed to the UFC.
The 23 year-old welterweight is undoubtedly one of the hottest prospects outside of the UFC, collecting a perfect 9-0-1 record with just one of those wins making it outside of the first round. Nelson has not been to the scorecards since his debut fight — a draw against John Oleson — and has collected six of his nine stoppage wins by way of submission. FightersOnly were the first to break the news, stating that several close sources had already confirmed this report, though an official announcement from inside Nelson’s camp has yet to be made. There have been several rumors claiming that Nelson was headed to the UFC over the past few years, but this time it seems to be happening for serial.
After acquiring his BJJ black belt in just four years, Nelson first burst onto the MMA scene back in 2007, and gained incredible notoriety in 2009 when he defeated the much larger, multiple-time ADCC medalist and UFC veteran Jeff Monson in the first round of the 2009 ADCC Absolute trials. Nelson most recently scored a first round submission via armbar over Alexander Butenko back in February, his fourth straight to come by way of first round submission.
We know some of you Taters have been clamoring about Nelson for what feels like ages now, so it’s good to know that we might finally be able to see just what this kid is capable of in the near future. As will be the case with Hector Lombard and our buddy Ryan Jimmo, 2012 is looking like it could be a make or break year for prospects outside the UFC.
Lucky for you, CagePotato and Youtube have combined their powers to compile an extensive look at Nelson’s background, which awaits you below.
(Nelson becomes the first man ever to successfully narfle the Garthok at the 2009 ADCC Absolute trials.)
Crank up the Bjork and start cubing up the Hakarl, because it appears that Icelandic BJJ phenom and undefeated prospect Gunnar Nelson is headed to the UFC.
The 23 year-old welterweight is undoubtedly one of the hottest prospects outside of the UFC, collecting a perfect 9-0-1 record with just one of those wins making it outside of the first round. Nelson has not been to the scorecards since his debut fight — a draw against John Oleson — and has collected six of his nine stoppage wins by way of submission. FightersOnly were the first to break the news, stating that several close sources had already confirmed this report, though an official announcement from inside Nelson’s camp has yet to be made. There have been several rumors claiming that Nelson was headed to the UFC over the past few years, but this time it seems to be happening for serial.
After acquiring his BJJ black belt in just four years, Nelson first burst onto the MMA scene back in 2007, and gained incredible notoriety in 2009 when he defeated the much larger, multiple-time ADCC medalist and UFC veteran Jeff Monson in the first round of the 2009 ADCC Absolute trials. Nelson most recently scored a first round submission via armbar over Alexander Butenko back in February, his fourth straight to come by way of first round submission.
We know some of you Taters have been clamoring about Nelson for what feels like ages now, so it’s good to know that we might finally be able to see just what this kid is capable of in the near future. As will be the case with Hector Lombard and our buddy Ryan Jimmo, 2012 is looking like it could be a make or break year for prospects outside the UFC.
Lucky for you, CagePotato and Youtube have combined their powers to compile an extensive look at Nelson’s background, which awaits you below.
Nelson vs. Driss El Bakara (Nelson’s 2nd Pro Fight)
Nelson vs. Iran Mascarenhas (Nelson’s first KO victory)
Nelson vs. Sam Elsdon (BAMMA 2)
Nelson vs. Eugene Fadiora (BAMMA 4)
Nelson vs. Alexander Betenko
GUNNAR NELSON – A CALM MIND
Learn all you need to know about Nelson’s accolades and more on his website.
(It may not be the most conventional fight attire, but we’ll give Miesha a ton of fap style points for the effort.)
It’s hard to believe that it’s only been a few short months since Miesha Tate nearly had her arm torn in two by Ronda Rousey in the their bantamweight championship showdown on March 3rd. It was undoubtedly one of the most heated (not to mention hyped) fights in WMMA history, and did not disappoint once the caged door closed. As it turns out, despite the fact that Meisha ended up coming short and losing her belt in the process, the fight didn’t even come close to squashing the beef between her and Rousey. How appropriate then, that it was recently announced that the former champ has been booked to take on Julie Kedzie at the same event that Rousey will attempt to defend her belt for the first time against Sarah Kaufman.
Is this just an attempt by Strikeforce to pack as many exciting fights as possible into their ever-decreasing number of cards, or rather an elaborate ploy to set up another post fight brawl that will in turn hype the inevitable rematch between Rousey and Tate?
(It may not be the most conventional fight attire, but we’ll give Miesha a ton of fap style points for the effort.)
It’s hard to believe that it’s only been a few short months since Miesha Tate nearly had her arm torn in two by Ronda Rousey in the their bantamweight championship showdown on March 3rd. It was undoubtedly one of the most heated (not to mention hyped) fights in WMMA history, and did not disappoint once the caged door closed. As it turns out, despite the fact that Meisha ended up coming short and losing her belt in the process, the fight didn’t even come close to squashing the beef between her and Rousey. How appropriate then, that it was recently announced that the former champ has been booked to take on Julie Kedzie at the same event that Rousey will attempt to defend her belt for the first time against Sarah Kaufman.
Is this just an attempt by Strikeforce to pack as many exciting fights as possible into their ever-decreasing number of cards, or rather an elaborate ploy to set up another post fight brawl that will in turn hype the inevitable rematch between Rousey and Tate? Only time will tell, Potato Nation, but we just hope we don’t have to see Brian Caraway taking on all of Team Cesar Gracie by himself. Dude’s got a hell of a chin, but it damn sure ain’t strong enough to deal with the Stockton curb stomp that the Diaz’s have perfected in such classic quarrels as “The Nashville Dissagreement on Post-Fight Ethics.”
Tate will be given no easy comeback fight in Kedzie, who you might recognize as one of the announcers from the Invicta FC all-female card back in May. Currently 16-9 in professional competition, Kedzie is a third degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do who holds notable victories over Kaitlin Young and Jan Finney (aka that poor girl who was killed by Chris Cyborg back in 2010), Kedzie has not fought since coming up short against Alexis Davis at Strikeforce: Henderson vs. Fedor back in July of 2011.
Strikeforce: Rousey vs. Kaufman goes down on August 18th from the Valley View Casino Center in San Diego, California.
We’ll be the first to admit that sometimes, we’re so busy trying to report on the day-to-day happenings of the MMA world that we occasionally (re:often) lose sight of some of the benefits of being an MMA site that dabbles in everything from lowbrow to subpar comedy. Mainly, our ability to give out free shit to the funniest Taters trolling the comments sections (or the forums if they are really, really lonely).
That’s why we are proud to announce that, in honor of our mobile site finally being up and running, we will be bringing back the caption contests andcomments of the week on a regular basis here at CagePotato, in the hopes that you guys will stop treating us like the goth kid with psoriasis at the MMA lunch table. Believe it or not, as sour as your opinions often are, we still enjoy hearing them, especially when they come in the form of a relentlessly dark or unnecessarily crass assessment of a candid photo.
Our newest caption contest awaits you after the jump, and we will be giving our signature “We Pull No Punches” shirts (pictures below) to the top three entries. So feel free to swing for the fences on this one as many times as your heart desires.
And today’s photo is…
We’ll be the first to admit that sometimes, we’re so busy trying to report on the day-to-day happenings of the MMA world that we occasionally (re:often) lose sight of some of the benefits of being an MMA site that dabbles in everything from lowbrow to subpar comedy. Mainly, our ability to give out free shit to the funniest Taters trolling the comments sections (or the forums if they are really, really lonely).
That’s why we are proud to announce that, in honor of our mobile site finally being up and running, we will be bringing back the caption contests andcomments of the week on a regular basis here at CagePotato, in the hopes that you guys will stop treating us like the goth kid with psoriasis at the MMA lunch table. Believe it or not, as sour as your opinions often are, we still enjoy hearing them, especially when they come in the form of a relentlessly dark or unnecessarily crass assessment of a candid photo.
Our newest caption contest awaits you after the jump, and we will be giving our signature “We Pull No Punches” shirts (pictures below) to the top three entries. So feel free to swing for the fences on this one as many times as your heart desires.
And today’s photo is…
Clearly we can deliver, so now it’s time for you to do the same. Make us proud, Potato Nation! There’s a first time for everything!
The prize in all of its eternal fucking glory a.k.a The Triumphant Tee of Total Triumph:
