Author: The12ozCurls

GSP Does Better Than Finish Fights, He Finishes Careers


(When he’s not lifting five-pound dumbbells, he’s ruining careers. / Image courtesy of GSP RUSHFIT)

By Nathan Smith

I know what a lot of you were thinking (and by “a lot” I mean nobody): Where is The12ozCurls with his obligatory fluffy, ball-washing post on Georges St. Pierre pertaining to his upcoming fight? Well, I hate to disappoint my dozens of CagePotato fans and Twitter followers (seriously, *bottom lip quivers* I got like 50) so I will give you what you want. What most of you want is more ammo to fire in my direction if/when GSP loses. And judging from the current CP Fight Picking Contest stats, a majority of you think Johny Hendricks is going to put my beloved Canadian to sleep on Saturday night. You are all entitled to your opinion no matter how wrong it might be.

Let me explain: GSP has dominated the welterweight division for the better part of a decade. He has systematically vanquished each foe with a combination of athleticism, technique, cardio and sound game-planning. There is no debating that. Yet most of the flat-billed hat-wearing mouth-breathing meatheads that scream “KNEEEEES!” whenever there is a clinch, constantly talk shit on GSP because he is a boring fighter that doesn’t finish (and because he is handsome . . . . really really handsome).

That is the knock on one of the greatest MMA fighters of all time—that he’s ambien personified—but upon further review, GSP has done far more long-term damage to his last 8 opponents than ending a fight via TKO or submission. He effectively sent their careers into the toilet, which is far worse than just knocking them out cold. All of the following fighters were the #1 contender for the UFC WW Championship but each one was sent packing like my ex-wife (What? Too soon?). I’ll start with all the fights after GSP kneed Matt Serra’s kidneys into oblivion and became the undisputed champ back at UFC 83.

Take a look at the first guy who’s career GSP derailed after the jump.


(Five-pound dumbbells are the secret to dominance. / Image courtesy of GSP RUSHFIT)

By Nathan Smith

I know what a lot of you were thinking (and by “a lot” I mean nobody): Where is The12ozCurls with his obligatory fluffy, ball-washing post on Georges St. Pierre pertaining to his upcoming fight? Well, I hate to disappoint my dozens of CagePotato fans and Twitter followers (seriously, *bottom lip quivers* I got like 50) so I will give you what you want. What most of you want is more ammo to fire in my direction if/when GSP loses. And judging from the current CP Fight Picking Contest stats, a majority of you think Johny Hendricks is going to put my beloved Canadian to sleep on Saturday night. You are all entitled to your opinion no matter how wrong it might be.

Let me explain: GSP has dominated the welterweight division for the better part of a decade. He has systematically vanquished each foe with a combination of athleticism, technique, cardio and sound game-planning. There is no debating that. Yet most of the flat-billed hat-wearing mouth-breathing meatheads that scream “KNEEEEES!” whenever there is a clinch, constantly talk shit on GSP because he is a boring fighter that doesn’t finish (and because he is handsome . . . . really really handsome).

That is the knock on one of the greatest MMA fighters of all time—that he’s ambien personified—but upon further review, GSP has done far more long-term damage to his last 8 opponents than ending a fight via TKO or submission. He effectively sent their careers into the toilet, which is far worse than just knocking them out cold. All of the following fighters were the #1 contender for the UFC WW Championship but each one was sent packing like my ex-wife (What? Too soon?). I’ll start with all the fights after GSP kneed Matt Serra’s kidneys into oblivion and became the undisputed champ back at UFC 83.

Jon Fitch
Lost via UD at UFC 87
Record since = 7-3-1

(Image courtesty of MMAWeekly)

GSP’s victory over Fitch is the third most lopsided 5-round decision in UFC history. However, Fitch is one of the few that can boast a winning record since facing GSP, but those numbers are inflated. Much like the SEC football teams’ out-of-conference schedule, Fitch padded his stats. He has a positive record by essentially fighting B- to C+ fighters like Akihiro Gono, Paulo Thiago and Ben Saunders. That is not to say defeating a very game Erick Silva is not impressive, but then again, that was Fitch’s last fight in the UFC before getting choked unconscious in World Series of Fighting and then moving across the country for a training job at a start-up gym.

B.J. Penn
Lost via TKO (corner stoppage) at UFC 94
Record since = 3-4-1
bj penn val kilmer

During the Countdown special prior to his fight with GSP, Penn looked straight into the camera and said, “To the death Georges. To the death.” Well, thankfully for The Prodigy, his corner stopped the fight at the end of the 4th round or else he might very well be six feet under because he got his ass handed to him. Afterwards, Penn dropped back to lightweight and got a couple wins before running into Frankie Edgar. He then moved back to welterweight where he most recently got annihilated by Nick Diaz and Rory MacDonald. For his next trick (and probably his last), B.J. will try and make the featherweight limit as a coach on the next exciting installment of The Ultimate Fighter *yawn*.

Thiago Alves
Lost via UD at UFC 100
Record since = 2-3

(Image courtesy of SHERDOG)

Alves got taken down a total of 10 times during his contest with GSP. The feared striker didn’t come close to winning a round. He has beaten John Howard and Papy Abedi since November 2008. That is 2 wins in the last five fucking years. Sure, the injury bug has bitten him on more than a few occasions, but that is two wins in FIVE YEARS—a Tito Ortiz or Ken Shamrock level statistic! CagePotato was just an infant (with UFC credentials) five years ago and my liver did NOT look like a baked potato.

Dan Hardy
Lost via UD at UFC 111
Record since = 2-3

(Image courtesy of CombatLifestyle)

Yep, another clean sweep on the scorecards for GSP in this one but there were two times during the fight where Hardy was in severe danger of getting his arm snapped. To Hardy’s credit, he preserved through 25 minutes…but then he lost three consecutive fights afterwards. At least he had the honor of tapping to Chris Lytle during his Lights Out’s retirement fight. Wolff-Parkinson-White syndrome has sidelined Hardy for over a year and his career as a fighter is hazy at best.

Josh Koscheck
Lost via UD at 124
Record since = 2-2

(Image courtesy of MMAPro)

GSP jabbed Fraggle Rock’s face into a pulp en route to another 50-45 victory. Koscheck has always been a perennial contender but unless he catches lightning in a bottle, his best days are behind him. In his last fight Robbie Lawler sent him to dream land with a barrage of punches. I wonder what it is like for a notorious shit-talking virtuoso like Kos to walk around backstage at UFC 167 and have to see GSP, Johny Hendricks, AND Lawler—the last three men to beat him. Humbling, I suppose but I bet he still bumps his gums nonetheless.

Jake Shields
Lost via UD at UFC 129
Record since = 3-1-1

Shields conjured his inner Koscheck during his bout with GSP and went into unintentional eye-poke mode, which limited the champion’s vision for a majority of the fight. Even fighting with one peeper, GSP was able to easily outpoint Shields for 25 minutes. Though Shields is 3-1-1, he could just as easily be 1-3-1 because his last two fights were decided via split decision in his favor. He is a very good fighter who probably has a few years left in his career (provided California continues to approve medicinal marijuana) but he will never be champion.

Carlos Condit
Lost via UD at UFC 154
Record since = 1-1

(Image courtesy of CombatLifestyle)

Let’s be honest about two things right now. First, Condit had GSP really hurt for about 90 seconds and that was the only time that “The Natural Born Killer” held any advantage during the 25 minute affair. Secondly, Condit is the only name on this list that still has the potential to be the welterweight champion in the future. Though he is only batting .500 in his last two contests, Carlos Condit is a stud who could be the champ one day if/when GSP retires (or does something else). Until then, he is waiting in line.

Nick Diaz
Lost via UD at UFC 158
Record since = 0-0 RETIRED

Diaz finally got a shot at GSP and was thwarted by footwork, speed and wrestling. The destructor of all things bullshit then (as expected) acted like a petulant child, took his ball, went home, and retired. I can’t wait for 2014 to see if Nick decides to stop promoting his own fighting organization and start promoting his comeback fight (CAGEPOTATO BAN BE DAMNED).

There you have it. With the exception of Carlos Condit, there is not one guy on this list that is a “player” in the welterweight mix. Fitch is out of the UFC, while Penn is grasping at straws as he plays musical weight classes and prepares for a swan song. Thiago Alves needs a new mattress because his bed bugs have been cross-bred with injury bugs and Dan Hardy may never fight again due to his medical condition. Josh Koscheck is still a dickhead but now more of a gatekeeper than contender and the world awaits a global coma for the Jake Shields vs Ben Askren fight to get announced (although now that seems unlikely). That leaves us with Nick Diaz who is, well, Nick Diaz and there isn’t a thing anybody can do about it. Minus Condit, all of these men have seen their once prolific and ascending careers’ tailspin in recent years and there is only one thing that they ALL have in common: They were all dominated by GSP. Georges St. Pierre doesn’t end the fight inside the cage, he ends the fighter.

Possible Trolling of the Day: Will GQ Magazine Feature A ‘Huge Spread’ on Fallon Fox?


(Seems legit, right?  Photo via mixedmartialarts.com)

By Nathan Smith

Ever since Al Gore invented the internet, print media has slowly walked The Green Mile towards obscurity. Major publications have gone belly up and my kids will probably miss out on cracking open the Sports page while drinking a nice cup of coffee in the morning because newspapers are fading quick. Many magazines have had to resort to gimmicky publicity stunts to keep their heads above water, sling a few more issues, and make payroll for the next month.  Whether it is the first photo of some garbage-ass (yeah, I’m bringing it back) reality star’s child or coaxing a pseudo-celebrity with a possible substance abuse problem to get naked, print publications are truly scraping the bottom of the barrel. [Ed. note: Good thing we’re above stuff like that.]

Potentially proving this point is the picture above which surfaced on The UG yesterday showing a photo-shoot of everyone’s favorite transgender MMA fighter Fallon Fox with the caption:

GQ Magazine photoshoot today with a true Pioneer of Women’s Mixed Martial Arts.. Fallon Fox – Future UFC and Invicta FC Champion

Look for huge spread feature story in GQ Mag, October 2013!!
Jen Wenk comes on board now Nike backing, GQ magazine.


(Seems legit, right?  Photo via mixedmartialarts.com)

By Nathan Smith

Ever since Al Gore invented the internet, print media has slowly walked The Green Mile towards obscurity. Major publications have gone belly up and my kids will probably miss out on cracking open the Sports page while drinking a nice cup of coffee in the morning because newspapers are fading quick. Many magazines have had to resort to gimmicky publicity stunts to keep their heads above water, sling a few more issues, and make payroll for the next month.  Whether it is the first photo of some garbage-ass (yeah, I’m bringing it back) reality star’s child or coaxing a pseudo-celebrity with a possible substance abuse problem to get naked, print publications are truly scraping the bottom of the barrel. [Ed. note: Good thing we’re above stuff like that.]

Potentially proving this point is the picture above which surfaced on The UG yesterday showing a photo-shoot of everyone’s favorite transgender MMA fighter Fallon Fox with the caption:

GQ Magazine photoshoot today with a true Pioneer of Women’s Mixed Martial Arts.. Fallon Fox – Future UFC and Invicta FC Champion

Look for huge spread feature story in GQ Mag, October 2013!!
Jen Wenk comes on board now Nike backing, GQ magazine.

Do not let that creepy-ass crying baby fool you.  I am not a bigot, or a racist or a sexist or an extremist and I think the left as well as the right wing political factions are both blinded by their own arrogance. I just HATE people in general. White, black, brown, yellow, purple, bi, gay, straight, democrat, republican, gentile or Jew [Ed. note: You forgot greasers] — I am an equal opportunity hater of all things that are idiotic regardless of race, sexual orientation, political affiliation, or creed. I HATE all of you (except ALF – donate, you deadbeats). That being said, IF the alleged photo is indeed for GQ, the caption that accompanies that picture is the stupidest thing I have ever read. So, excuse me while I write this out and I guess I’ll start at the beginning.

For starters, there is zero evidence (other than the pic and caption) of a GQ feature story and photo spread of Fallon Fox set to appear in a future issue. Most of the time when photos are leaked for an upcoming/anticipated magazine issue, they may surface initially on an underground forum post (like the aforementioned) but they don’t stay there for long before big name media outlets (like CagePotato.com) poach the story. Secondly, the backdrop and the overall photo quality appear to be fairly inexpensive, if not damn cheap for a publication of GQ’s notoriety. Seriously, is that a high school drama club stage? Strike 1.

Secondly, I think that Megumi Fujii, Gina Carano, Kim Couture just kidding, Cris Cyborg, and Ronda Rousey might take exception to the “true Pioneer of Women’s Mixed Martial Arts” line.  Hell, I bet that makes Carina Damm want to challenge Fox to a pissing contest. The Fabulous Moolah was more of a trailblazer than Fox will ever be and somewhere all of the Gorgeous Ladies Of Wrestling are wringing their hands with frustration.  After seeing Fallon’s last fight, I won’t even begin to comment on the “Future UFC and Invicta FC Champion” line. Strike 2.

Finally, when it comes to former UFC PR Director Jen Wenk’s involvement in this ordeal, I have very little to stand on. The only thing I can say is she left the UFC to start her own PR agency and the last I heard, she was affiliated with the Blackzilians but I’m too tired to do any more research at this semi-lucid moment. Now, IF Nike is on board, my Spider senses are telling me that Fox’s involvement in this could be a possible publicity grab for the company’s new #BeTrue line which is in support of the Lesbian and Gay community. (See here for more photo evidence.) The apparel giant recently brought on NBA player Jason Collins, who recently came out to promote the #BeTrue fashion line, and Nike could also be trying to capitalize on the unique story of Fox. Regardless, there is just too much speculation to grant any of this as gospel. Strike 3.

Could all of this be true? Sure.

Am I the eternal pessimist? Absolutely yes.

Do you think I am wrong? Sound off.

With Some Help From Twitter, Jake Ellenberger Could Be Next In Line For GSP…If He Can Beat Rory MacDonald


(“Here we are with Ake Jellenberger, you did an awesome job, getting some awesome trash-talk in there, I want to tell me what you see, let’s go ahead and see by the tweets, what you saw, in the computer.” / Photo via Getty)

By Nathan Smith

The war of words heated up between The Juggernaut and The Waterboy — aka Ares, or the Canadian Psycho…too bad Uncle Creepy was already taken — via Twitter this past week, leading up to their UFC on FOX 8 showdown on July 27 from the Key Arena in Seattle, Washington. Because Anderson Silva vs Chris Weidman is on the horizon, many have forgotten that the #3 and #4 ranked welterweights will be squaring off a few weeks after. The latest beef started off as a seemingly harmless question thrown out by Jake Ellenberger to his followers, but apparently Rory MacDonald did not take kindly to it and he made his 140 characters count like they were punches.

Though it is not exactly the magnitude of Twitter beef that Jon Jones and Chael Sonnen engaged in when the American Gangster was trying to goad the LHW champ into accepting his short-notice challenge at the now infamously cancelled UFC 151, but it was still a pretty good shot across the bow by MacDonald even though it took a couple previous Twitter-jabs from Ellenberger to get us to this point.

Awesome.


(“Here we are with Ake Jellenberger, you did an awesome job, getting some awesome trash-talk in there, I want to tell me what you see, let’s go ahead and see by the tweets, what you saw, in the computer.” / Photo via Getty)

By Nathan Smith

The war of words heated up between The Juggernaut and The Waterboy — aka Ares, or the Canadian Psycho…too bad Uncle Creepy was already taken — via Twitter this past week, leading up to their UFC on FOX 8 showdown on July 27 from the Key Arena in Seattle, Washington. Because Anderson Silva vs Chris Weidman is on the horizon, many have forgotten that the #3 and #4 ranked welterweights will be squaring off a few weeks after. The latest beef started off as a seemingly harmless question thrown out by Jake Ellenberger to his followers, but apparently Rory MacDonald did not take kindly to it and he made his 140 characters count like they were punches.

Though it is not exactly the magnitude of Twitter beef that Jon Jones and Chael Sonnen engaged in when the American Gangster was trying to goad the LHW champ into accepting his short-notice challenge at the now infamously cancelled UFC 151, but it was still a pretty good shot across the bow by MacDonald even though it took a couple previous Twitter-jabs from Ellenberger to get us to this point.

Awesome.

But this begs the question; since MacDonald is a fellow Tristar teammate of Georges St. Pierre and the champ has already said that he has no desire to fight his perceived heir apparent, what happens if Ellenberger beats (and Molson forbid, KOs) The Waterboy? Since he flattened Nate Marquardt at UFC 158 that would make 2 prominent Tristar guys that The Juggernaut has beaten in a row and then it may become personal for GSP regardless of the outcome of his upcoming WW title defense against Johny Hendricks. We have already seen GSP ask Dana White and the UFC for an opponent (Nick Diaz) once he felt personally disrespected. So what if he feels compelled to defend the name of Firas Zahabi, his defeated training partners and the gym he calls home?

Betting lines say that GSP (-225) and MacDonald (-235) are favored but neither of those figures are King Mo vs Petruzelli-esque. Both Hendricks and Ellenberger have the punching power to upset their foe, but for the sake of argument (and my own sanity), let’s pretend that GSP wins (AMEN!) and Ellenberger wins AND Carlos Condit beats Martin Kampmann in late August.  Who gets the next shot at the title?

If you take into account the official UFC rankings [Ed. note: LMAO], Condit (#2) should be next in line but we’ve already seen how that movie ends. So, if Ellenberger is able to get past MacDonald while mixing in a nice “I guess you can call me the Tristar Hunter” post fight interview with Joe Rogan, something tells me that a potential super-fight with Anderson Silva will be put on hold while GSP tries to avenge his cohorts.

Georges St. Pierre’s Next Opponent Will Be Captain America, Confusing Gullible Randy Couture Fans Worldwide


(The face of pure French-Canadian evil. / Image coutesy of MMAWeekly)

By Nathan Smith

*SPOILER ALERT* Georges St. Pierre is guaranteed to lose his next big fight. He will finally meet an opponent that he can not out-wrestle for 25 minutes and his next foe will be able to trade punches with him at will. GSP will positively get his ass handed to him.  Sorry Johny Hendricks, you can stop reading now because this post has nothing to do with you.

The reigning UFC welterweight champion has been cast as a villain in the upcoming Captain America: The Winter Soldier due for release on April 4, 2014. St. Pierre will play the roll of Batroc the Leaper (aka Georges Batroc) and although I embrace my inner geek, I was never much of a comic book guy nor did I ever have a pube mustache or own a set of dice with more than six sides, so I think it would be best to let the Wikipedia link describe GSP’s character.

“Batroc has no superhuman abilities, but is in peak physical condition in every respect. He is an Olympic-level weightlifter and has extraordinary agility and reflexes. His leg muscles are particularly well developed enabling him to leap great distances equal to an Olympic athlete. He is an expert hand-to-hand combatant and specializes in savate (French-style kickboxing). He is also a skilled military tactician, having formerly been in the French Foreign Legion.

Batroc is also an experienced thief and smuggler, and can speak both French and English. Although, as a mercenary, he does not hesitate to perform any number of criminal acts for his clients, Batroc has, by his own rights, a strong sense of honor, and he will turn against any client whom he feels has unfairly deceived him into committing crimes to which he might not otherwise have agreed.”


(The face of pure French-Canadian evil. / Image coutesy of MMAWeekly)

By Nathan Smith

*SPOILER ALERT* Georges St. Pierre is guaranteed to lose his next big fight. He will finally meet an opponent that he can not out-wrestle for 25 minutes and his next foe will be able to trade punches with him at will. GSP will positively get his ass handed to him.  Sorry Johny Hendricks, you can stop reading now because this post has nothing to do with you.

The reigning UFC welterweight champion has been cast as a villain in the upcoming Captain America: The Winter Soldier due for release on April 4, 2014. St. Pierre will play the roll of Batroc the Leaper (aka Georges Batroc) and although I embrace my inner geek, I was never much of a comic book guy nor did I ever have a pube mustache or own a set of dice with more than six sides, so I think it would be best to let the Wikipedia link describe GSP’s character.

“Batroc has no superhuman abilities, but is in peak physical condition in every respect. He is an Olympic-level weightlifter and has extraordinary agility and reflexes. His leg muscles are particularly well developed enabling him to leap great distances equal to an Olympic athlete. He is an expert hand-to-hand combatant and specializes in savate (French-style kickboxing). He is also a skilled military tactician, having formerly been in the French Foreign Legion.

Batroc is also an experienced thief and smuggler, and can speak both French and English. Although, as a mercenary, he does not hesitate to perform any number of criminal acts for his clients, Batroc has, by his own rights, a strong sense of honor, and he will turn against any client whom he feels has unfairly deceived him into committing crimes to which he might not otherwise have agreed.”

St. Pierre joins Randy Couture (The Expendables and the sequel), Quinton Jackson (The A-Team), and Gina Carano (Haywire) as the latest MMA star to cross over into legitimate big-budget Hollywood films. GSP is the current UFC PPV kingpin and because of his popularity and GQ exterior, it was only a matter of time before he was brought to the silver screen. Couture and Jackson had moderate box office success with their films while Carano’s movie kind of tanked, but with a built-in audience that accompanies a super hero film franchise, Captain America: The Winter Soldier will probably be breaking the bank, considering the previous two movies in which Captain America appeared (The Avengers and Captain America: The First Avenger) raked in a combined $1.8 BILLION worldwide (that is NOT a typo).

Specific details are not known for the size of St. Pierre’s role, but it is assumed that Batroc the Leaper will be an ancillary character. Couture and Rampage were allowed to use their own voices within their films but Carano’s vocal tone was manipulated during the post-production of Haywire to make sure her character was “a completely different entity,” or some such bullshit. Although Batroc hails from France and GSP has a fairly thick French/Canadian accent, one can only wonder if his lines will be given the Carano treatment or completely dubbed like Schwarzenegger in Hercules in New York. There is also no word on what costume GSP will be wearing for the film but we can guess that it will consist of something skin-tight, and hopefully it will not offend Chan Sung Jung.

Captain America is okay but he is way down on the list of this writer’s favorite Captains. There was Captain Stubing, Captain Kangaroo, Captain Kirk and this guy at the very top, but will any of you Taters go see Captain America: The Winter Soldier just because of St. Pierre’s involvement? Conversely, will all the GSP haters boycott the film due to his participation? Sound off below.

The Unsupportable Opinion: A Nick Diaz Victory Over Georges St. Pierre at UFC 158 Would Be the Best Thing the UFC Could Possibly Ask For


(“Yeah homie, I’m looking at your cup. Really? Seriously bro? You are super rich, you’re pampered, you’re in all the magazines AND you’re hung like a horse! This sh*t ain’t fair and I’m callin’ total bullsh*t bro!” Photo via CagedInsider.)

By Nathan Smith

I can’t believe I am about to type this: A Nick Diaz victory over Georges St. Pierre would be the best thing for the UFC Welterweight division. As an unabashed, almost stalkerish fanboy of GSP, I should not have to tell you how difficult that was to write. But God Damn, that was not easy to write.

With the exception of the 378 days that were the Matt Serra Era (or the Matt Serra Terror Era), GSP has ruled the welterweight division dating back to November of 2006. Let that sink in for just a second. Serra’s reign withstanding, St. Pierre has been the champ since Borat was in theaters and Justin Timberlake was on the top of the Billboard charts. Let me put it another way: In November of 2006, Tim “The Diet Machine” Sylvia was the Heavyweight Champion and Sean Sherk was the lightweight title holder. Are those guys even still alive? There is no way of knowing. Needless to say, St. Pierre has had a pretty damn good run thus far and it might be time for a temporary change of pace, even though he has been an excellent ambassador for the sport of MMA.

Some say that “Rush’s” style is the epitome of dominance while others say he is a lay-n-pray specialist. Is GSP careful to a fault in his fights? Probably, but he has only lost 2 of the 41 rounds he has fought during his current 10-fight win streak. That is fucking insane. Even the almighty Anderson Silva lost 5 rounds to Chael Sonnen in their two meetings, and Anderson Silva once beat Mars in a game of Risk. GSP is athletic as hell and imposes his will with technique and tremendous cardio, but for the very first time in his career, he is fighting a guy with a gas tank better than his own. Diaz is a machine (<– follow this link for immediate proof) when it comes to his cardio and frequently competes in triathlons, which makes him an absolute freak even when compared to that of his fellow athletes.

But this post isn’t about the stylistic differences between Diaz and St. Pierre. It isn’t a breakdown of the fight or a tale of the tape. It’s about the fact that a Nick Diaz victory on Saturday night would be the greatest thing the UFC could possibly ask for. Here are three scenarios explaining why. I’m going to go throw up.


(“Yeah homie, I’m looking at your cup. Really? Seriously bro? You are super rich, you’re pampered, you’re in all the magazines AND you’re hung like a horse! This sh*t ain’t fair and I’m callin’ total bullsh*t bro!” Photo via CagedInsider.)

By Nathan Smith

I can’t believe I am about to type this: A Nick Diaz victory over Georges St. Pierre would be the best thing for the UFC Welterweight division. As an unabashed, almost stalkerish fanboy of GSP, I should not have to tell you how difficult that was to write. But God Damn, that was not easy to write.

With the exception of the 378 days that were the Matt Serra Era (or the Matt Serra Terror Era), GSP has ruled the welterweight division dating back to November of 2006. Let that sink in for just a second. Serra’s reign withstanding, St. Pierre has been the champ since Borat was in theaters and Justin Timberlake was on the top of the Billboard charts. Let me put it another way: In November of 2006, Tim “The Diet Machine” Sylvia was the Heavyweight Champion and Sean Sherk was the lightweight title holder. Are those guys even still alive? There is no way of knowing. Needless to say, St. Pierre has had a pretty damn good run thus far and it might be time for a temporary change of pace, even though he has been an excellent ambassador for the sport of MMA.

Some say that “Rush’s” style is the epitome of dominance while others say he is a lay-n-pray specialist. Is GSP careful to a fault in his fights? Probably, but he has only lost 2 of the 41 rounds he has fought during his current 10-fight win streak. That is fucking insane. Even the almighty Anderson Silva lost 5 rounds to Chael Sonnen in their two meetings, and Anderson Silva once beat Mars in a game of Risk. GSP is athletic as hell and imposes his will with technique and tremendous cardio, but for the very first time in his career, he is fighting a guy with a gas tank better than his own. Diaz is a machine (<– follow this link for immediate proof) when it comes to his cardio and frequently competes in triathlons, which makes him an absolute freak even when compared to that of his fellow athletes.

But this post isn’t about the stylistic differences between Diaz and St. Pierre. It isn’t a breakdown of the fight or a tale of the tape. It’s about the fact that a Nick Diaz victory on Saturday night would be the greatest thing the UFC could possibly ask for. Here are three scenarios explaining why. I’m going to go throw up.

Scenario #1

If Carlos Condit manages to beat Johny Hendricks and St. Pierre pummels Diaz, is anybody really excited about seeing a GSP vs “The Natural Born Killer” rematch?” Even though their first meeting was an entertaining 25 minutes, there is no reason to think that the outcome will be any different the second time around. I can see the promos now…the Hail Mary kick that Condit landed to GSP’s melon over and over and over and over again, because that is all the UFC marketing machine could do to make anybody believe that this will NOT essentially be a repeat of their first scrap. Let’s all be honest: Condit won 90 seconds of that 25 minute affair and there isn’t one person not named Carlos Condit or Greg Jackson that has any desire to see it happen again.

Scenario #2

“Bigg Rigg” (why two G’s? Because fuck you, that’s why.) splatters Condit’s face and GSP beats Diaz. Yet again we are in a situation that is a little dicey. Are fans ready to embrace Hendricks as a legitimate contender? He has that country bumpkin charm and one hell of a left hand but he just doesn’t move the needle when it comes to overall fan appeal. With another victory, Hendricks absolutely deserves a shot at GSP, and his decorated collegiate wrestling pedigree could pose some issues in a potential fight with the reigning champ, but we have seen St. Pierre manhandle credentialed wrestlers before (ie. Matt Hughes and Josh Koscheck). GSP is more of a Glass Joe than an Arturo Gatti in the chin category but that fact alone doesn’t exactly mean must see TV.

Scenario #3

Diaz shocks the world and beats GSP. At this point, the Condit vs. Hendricks winner is irrelevant because Diaz would more-than-welcome a rematch with Condit, and during the greatest conference call in the history of the universe, Nick had less than flattering things to say about Hendricks as well (I know, hold your shock). This is a win-win-win for the UFC, the fans, and the entertainment factor pertaining to the sport of MMA for the next 18 months. It would take at least a year for Diaz, St. Pierre, Condit, Hendricks, Marquardt, Ellenberger and MacDonald to figure out who fights each other, who is ranked where and what the hell is going to happen next. The match-ups are not exactly defined for Joe Silva and that is exciting for the welterweight division, but more importantly, it is invigorating for the fans that have seen GSP dominate a division for the better part of a decade. GSP may be the UFC’s biggest pay-per-view draw now, but a trash-talking antihero sociopath as a champion? Fans would shell out big money for a chance to see a ticking time bomb like Diaz finally implode.

Since Koscheck is a shell of his former self and Chael Sonnen is a mixed bag of hate and love, there really isn’t a true “Bad Guy” in the UFC. Diaz would be the perfect outlaw, riding into town wearing his black (presumably hemp) hat, chain smoking what we can only assume are cowboy killers. Diaz is a self-proclaimed slayer of all things bullshit and would wage war against boring fights. Clearly Diaz is a tortured soul, and if he were to take the welterweight title from one of the most beloved champions in UFC history (and God forbid if he managed to finish him), it would thrust the despised recluse into the mainstream, which he probably isn’t emotionally ready for. Can you imagine Diaz surviving a live ESPN interview without drawing the ire of the masses? Sure, it puts a momentary black eye on our sport but it also brings eyeballs to boob-tubes and gives the casual fan somebody to root against.

It all plays out perfectly for rubbernecking MMA fans that always enjoy slowing down to check out the car wreck on the freeway. It would be an absolutely beautiful disaster…until GSP reclaims the welterweight title during the compulsory UFC New Year’s PPV in 2014, of course.

At that point, all will be right in the world again.

But on Saturday, a Nick Diaz victory would make the predictable welterweight division a case of art imitating life imitating bumper cars and that is a good thing that a stagnant division desperately needs. However, this is all contingent upon the fact that Diaz does NOT piss straight sticky-icky THC into his sample cup during the post fight drug test.

Don’t let this (fist-posing d-bag of a) GSP fan down, Nick.

Off With Their Heads: Who Deserves the Axe When the UFC Roster Trim Is Looming?


(Wow! Booster seats and sporks at McDonalds looked really weird back in the old days. Photo via idahogirlinalaska)

By Nathan Smith and Josh Hutchinson

Being a “contributor” for CagePotato.com is kind of like being a barback at a seedy nightclub in Tijuana. We stock the bar with booze, ice, and clean glassware while staying in the shadows hoping to God that we don’t get yelled at. We try to help out wherever we can so the star bartenders (Ben Goldstein, Jared Jones, Elias Cepeda and Seth Falvo) can toss bottles of shitty Tequila like juggling pins while they pour fruit-flavored cocktails to semi hot chicks that they will inevitably hump later on. A contributor cleans up puke, empties ashtrays and eats shit from all the “made men” (both writers and tenured comment section dick-heads) here at CagePotato but it really is a great gig. Can you imagine the sloppy seconds that Danga sends our way?

Needless to say, most of the day-to-day MMA related news topics are taken care of by the staff writers and that leaves aspiring dipshits like me and Hutchinson to try and come up with a fresh or entertaining story idea on our own. Well, this idea is not fresh but it could be entertaining (at least my portions will be, but I have hope for Hutch since he is the guy who brought the word “dicknailed” to the CP). When Jon Fitch was released from his UFC contract last week, I wanted to write a piece on which higher profile fighters I would cut next if I were part of the UFC brass. Because opinions are like buttholes, Hutch had a thought to debate several of the choices in a YAY or NAY style. Before anyone starts hollering about Clay Guida, Jake Shields or the entire cast from the first season of The Ultimate Fighter (that means you Koscheck) take note that we agreed on more than we disagreed and in the spirit of pointless arguments opted to leave the most obvious offenders out. Let’s get started.

FRANK MIR – last disclosed salary: $200,000

(Photo via MMAWeekly)


(Wow! Booster seats and sporks at McDonalds looked really weird back in the old days. Photo via idahogirlinalaska)

By Nathan Smith and Josh Hutchinson

Being a “contributor” for CagePotato.com is kind of like being a barback at a seedy nightclub in Tijuana. We stock the bar with booze, ice, and clean glassware while staying in the shadows hoping to God that we don’t get yelled at. We try to help out wherever we can so the star bartenders (Ben Goldstein, Jared Jones, Elias Cepeda and Seth Falvo) can toss bottles of shitty Tequila like juggling pins while they pour fruit-flavored cocktails to semi hot chicks that they will inevitably hump later on. A contributor cleans up puke, empties ashtrays and eats shit from all the “made men” (both writers and tenured comment section dick-heads) here at CagePotato but it really is a great gig. Can you imagine the sloppy seconds that Danga sends our way?

Needless to say, most of the day-to-day MMA related news topics are taken care of by the staff writers and that leaves aspiring dipshits like me and Hutchinson to try and come up with a fresh or entertaining story idea on our own. Well, this idea is not fresh but it could be entertaining (at least my portions will be, but I have hope for Hutch since he is the guy who brought the word “dicknailed” to the CP). When Jon Fitch was released from his UFC contract last week, I wanted to write a piece on which higher profile fighters I would cut next if I were part of the UFC brass. Because opinions are like buttholes, Hutch had a thought to debate several of the choices in a YAY or NAY style. Before anyone starts hollering about Clay Guida, Jake Shields or the entire cast from the first season of The Ultimate Fighter (that means you Koscheck) take note that we agreed on more than we disagreed and in the spirit of pointless arguments opted to leave the most obvious offenders out. Let’s get started.

FRANK MIR – last disclosed salary: $200,000

(Photo via MMAWeekly)

SMITH: CUT ‘EM
I was indifferent at first when it came to Frank Mir, but thanks to him beating the shit out of that weirdo Wes Sims in their rematch and then welcoming the former/current sports entertainer, Brock Lesnar, to the world of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu back at UFC 81, I took a liking to Mr. Mir. Sadly, those warm and fuzzy feelings have dissipated since he magically bulked up (really really really really fast by the way – just sayin’) and decided to conjure his inner Magnus Ver Magnusson while he dedicated himself to strength training with former World’s Strongest Man competitor Mark Philippi. For the record, the Fingal Fingers kick serious ass but I digress.

Mir has always shown that he does not mix the concrete milkshakes into his diet because all of his losses have come via KO or TKO and most of them have been pretty brutal. Then again, getting punched in the face by 250+ pound dudes is not exactly like getting beaten with a pillow. If Daniel Cormier is able to manhandle him, Mir’s walking papers get stamped and FREAKSHOW fights against a guy named Warpath await.

HUTCHINSON: KEEP ‘EM
Frank may be a little bit of a douche and is most certainly an asshole but there is no denying the man’s talents. For starters, Mir holds the record for most fights in the UFC heavyweight division AND most submissions in the heavyweight division AND most finishes in the heavyweight division AND he’s fought 5 different UFC champions AND beat four of them AND really I could go on and on like this but that would be a run-on sentence AND on CagePotato we like to keep it grammatically correct. Take into account the two-year layoff from the sport of MMA after a devastating motorcycle accident — all the while he was in his prime mind you — and that makes his later accomplishments all the more impressive.

Argue price all you want but as a former champion, interim champion and being the only one to ever submit (as well as one of two to KO) Big Nog,  I say he’s underpaid. Ok, maybe not underpaid but I’d say he’s earned it. In 22 fights he’s only been to a decision 3 times and all 6 of his losses have come by way of KO. So when Mir steps in the ring you can bet one of two things will happen: We’ll see some slick jiu-jitsu or Mir gets that smug smirk knocked off his face. Either way, the fans win. Think of the fans, Nathan!

MICHAEL BISPING ($275,000)

(Photo via MMAWeekly)

HUTCHINSON: CUT ‘EM
Real talk, guys. If Bisping wasn’t British would he be anything more than an average mid-level fighter? Allow me to spell it out here. Another former Ultimate Fighter winner who got there by beating the likes of Kristian Rothaermel, Ross Pointon, and finally Josh Haynes, one of whom you might actually know. He was then gifted fights against journeymen like Eric Schafer and Elvis Sinosic, both of whom are no longer Zuffa employees. A bullshit win over Matt Hamill and a loss to Rashad Evans forced the Brit down to middleweight where, not long after, Chris Leben introduced “The Count” to his inevitable moniker of “pillow fists,” and went so far as to encourage Bisping to take advantage of some free unanswered shots to his face.

At this point in his career, the UFC decided he would make a perfect coach for his own season of The Ultimate Fighter. Why you ask? Because “FUCK YOU” that’s why. The season set up a fight against Dan Henderson which also marked his first real test against an established top tier fighter, and I’m going to stop the walk down memory lane right there. His career since has followed the exact same path to the same outcome. He gets matched up with a couple of low- to mid-level fighter – WINS – and then gets destroyed by anyone close to the top ten.

This would all be well and good if we didn’t have to listen to the guy talk about being a top fighter who deserves a title shot every time someone sticks a microphone in his face. In fact, I doubt the microphone even matters. Can you imagine what it would be like getting a pint at the pub with this guy? One minute you’re sipping a beer and maybe playing darts and the next you’ve got Bisping standing on the pool table screaming that he will kill the next wanker that mentions Anderson Silva because “I’m one of the best middleweights in the world. Dana said so…Dana said” . . . . . then he collapses into a tear soaked pile on the floor.

This is a guy who:
A. If not for his country of origin, would never have had his name anywhere near talks of a title shot.
B. Based off his performances against top guys is way fucking overpaid at $275,000. That kind of cash could get us almost three Robbie Lawlers and that in my opinion is a far stronger investment all around.

SMITH: KEEP ‘EM
I know. I know. More often than not, The Count acts a lot more like The Count because of his “I could not give less of a shit” attitude during interviews, blog posts or press conferences but the fact remains — he is always in shape for a fight. Granted, the Wolf’s Lair is probably not the best gym he could be at, and a move to a more technical training facility in the US or Canada would probably benefit his career, but he is always game for a scrap. Was he spoon-fed outclassed opponents in order to pad his record early in his UFC career? Maybe. Probably. OK, YES! But he beat all of those opponents and if you doubt it just ask Matt Hamill who I assume is a top-selling telemarketer since his retirement.  I am going to hell for that one.

Has Bisping lost to every big name fighter he has faced? Yes, but he is still a big draw in Europe. All the UFC has to do is have Bisping headline or co-main the FX or FUEL cards twice a year in the UK [Ed. note: You mean “UFC on FS1 UK” cards] and that will justify his paltry salary from the gate money alone. Besides, the UFC doesn’t have very many heels, and since Josh Koscheck is probably going to be on a lot of fishing trip vacations at with his BFF Jon Fitch in the near future, I say keep The Count around for shits and giggles even though he is heading into the twilight of his career at the ripe age of 34. God dammit that makes me feel really old. Thank goodness there is not an age bias for being a porno cameraman or I might find myself in the unemployment line really soon as well.

ALISTAIR OVEREEM ($285,718)

(Photo via MMAjunkie)

SMITH: CUT ‘EM
“If you aren’t cheating — you aren’t trying and it’s only cheating if you get caught.”  I don’t know who said that but they are smarter than these chicks and once you are a cheater you are always a cheater in the eyes of the fans. Overeem went on a 1-4 losing skid back in 2006-7 which saw him lose to names like Arona, Nogueira, Rua and Kharitonov but he did pick up his only victory over a guy named Michael Knaap in a fight that took place in his native Netherlands. After that, the natural 205’er blew up like Magnus Ver Magnusson (that’s right – 2 WSM drops in 1 post – bring back the Hussafell Stone god dammit) and was straight killing fools in Japan.  The dude physically looked like he was about to star in a porno where he was going to overpower and then totally plow a Predator, but we knew the dirty truth and were just hoping for the best even though it was just a matter of time before he pissed hot.  Awe  . . . . . . screw it   . . . . . . he kicked Lesnar’s guts back into fake fighting so he isn’t all that bad.  But now that his body has pulled physiology on him – he needs to get on the tread mill and hope to Christ that DW really likes him because after JDS turns his head into a speed bag and he gets his walking papers, The Demolition Man will have a tough time pan-handling because nobody is giving a 6’ 6” yoked dude that looks like a super villain any coin at a Netherland’s off ramp.

HUTCHINSON: KEEP ‘EM
No comment. (Ed. note: That is compelling stuff, Hutch.)

On the next page: two more TUF winners whose best days are in the rear-view.