(PRIDE t-shirt > tailored suit. Always. You should know this by now, Rory. / Photo via MMAFighting)
The UFC’s latest pay-per-view spectacular goes down tomorrow night in Las Vegas, and we’ll be liveblogging the main card action beginning at 10 p.m. ET / 7 p.m. PT. To help get you in the mood, CagePotato founding editor Ben Goldstein and staff writer Jared Jones have reunited for a bullshit session about all of UFC 167‘s most important themes. Or at least some of them. Mostly we’ll be posting GIFs and talking about online gambling, like usual. Enjoy…
You don’t actually believe Johny Hendricks has a shot here, do you?
BG: No sir, I do not. I really don’t see how this fight plays out any differently than GSP’s second fight against Josh Koscheck, to be honest. Yes, Hendricks can knock you out with his (generously telegraphed) left hand if you stand in front of him, but he’s just not a technically sound striker, and St. Pierre won’t be standing in front of him except for the brief moments that precede a blast double-leg takedown. Yes, Hendricks is a skilled wrestler, but as it applies to MMA, St. Pierre is a much, much better wrestler.
GSP will spend all five rounds out-striking Hendricks and scoring the occasional takedown just to prove that he can, running up his already absurd statistical records in the process. In fact, I’m so sure that this will be the outcome that I’m not even looking forward to this fight all that much. Jared may have given this one a “coolbeans!” in this week’s GIF-Ranking column, but to me, GSP vs. Hendricks is nothing more than Matt Hughes’s ambivalent shrug.
JJ: Did Rudy Ruettiger have “a shot” at making the dress roster of the 1975 Notre Dame Fighting Irish? Did Michael Oher have “a shot” at rising from the ashes of a broken home to eventually be drafted in the 2009 NFL draft?! DID KIRK GIBSON, DOWN TWO DECENT LEGS AND STOMACH RIDDLED WITH THE FLU, HAVE “A SHOT” AT PINCH-HITTING A 9th INNING, WALK OFF HOME RUN IN GAME 1 OF THE 1988 WORLD SERIES?!!
Matt Serra has arms the size of Baby Sinclair, yet he was able to touch the chin of GSP. Johny Hendricks, on the other hand, punches like a Super Saiyan Goku on steroids. So yes, Ben, I think he has “a shot.”
(PRIDE t-shirt > tailored suit. Always. You should know this by now, Rory. / Photo via MMAFighting)
The UFC’s latest pay-per-view spectacular goes down tomorrow night in Las Vegas, and we’ll be liveblogging the main card action beginning at 10 p.m. ET / 7 p.m. PT. To help get you in the mood, CagePotato founding editor Ben Goldstein and staff writer Jared Jones have reunited for a bullshit session about all of UFC 167‘s most important themes. Or at least some of them. Mostly we’ll be posting GIFs and talking about online gambling, like usual. Enjoy…
You don’t actually believe Johny Hendricks has a shot here, do you?
BG: No sir, I do not. I really don’t see how this fight plays out any differently than GSP’s second fight against Josh Koscheck, to be honest. Yes, Hendricks can knock you out with his (generously telegraphed) left hand if you stand in front of him, but he’s just not a technically sound striker, and St. Pierre won’t be standing in front of him except for the brief moments that precede a blast double-leg takedown. Yes, Hendricks is a skilled wrestler, but as it applies to MMA, St. Pierre is a much, much better wrestler.
GSP will spend all five rounds out-striking Hendricks and scoring the occasional takedown just to prove that he can, running up his already absurd statistical records in the process. In fact, I’m so sure that this will be the outcome that I’m not even looking forward to this fight all that much. Jared may have given this one a “coolbeans!” in this week’s GIF-Ranking column, but to me, GSP vs. Hendricks is nothing more than Matt Hughes’s ambivalent shrug.
JJ: Did Rudy Ruettiger have “a shot” at making the dress roster of the 1975 Notre Dame Fighting Irish? Did Michael Oher have “a shot” at rising from the ashes of a broken home to eventually be drafted in the 2009 NFL draft?! DID KIRK GIBSON, DOWN TWO DECENT LEGS AND STOMACH RIDDLED WITH THE FLU, HAVE “A SHOT” AT PINCH-HITTING A 9th INNING, WALK OFF HOME RUN IN GAME 1 OF THE 1988 WORLD SERIES?!!
Matt Serra has arms the size of Baby Sinclair, yet he was able to touch the chin of GSP. Johny Hendricks, on the other hand, punches like a Super Saiyan Goku on steroids. So yes, Ben, I think he has “a shot.”
BG: To be perfectly clear, I’m not a Rory hater. I think he’s a phenomenally talented fighter, and in general, I have nothing against creepy men wearing trenchcoats as long as they stay away from the park where I take my kid. That being said, Robbie Lawler represents one of the two greatest career-resurgence stories of 2013 — the other being Doug “The Rhino” Marshall, obviously — and yeah, I’ve got a soft spot for him.
Watching “Ruthless” return to the UFC as a welterweight and smoke Josh Koscheck and Bobby Voelker in short order has been a treat for us old-school fans. If he knocks out MacDonald, I’ll be as giddy as Dafoe in the backseat. Plus, there’s something that bothers me about GSP hinting that he’ll leave the welterweight division so Rory can take over. That’s just not how it works, dude.
Please construct a parlay bet for UFC 167 that’s 1) very profitable, and 2) not a guaranteed loser.
BG: It would be my pleasure. A $10 parlay on St. Pierre + Sonnen + Lawler + Cerrone + Perez + Campuzano would bring you back $1,356.21 in profit on BetUs. GSP and Erik Perez are locks, if you ask me. Chael Sonnen — who ran through Shogun in one round in his last fight — could do the same thing to a struggling, under-motivated Rashad Evans, and Robbie Lawler has the power to put Rory MacDonald to sleep with a single punch. The Cerrone vs. Dunham match is a pick-‘em, but I think Cowboy’s due for a good night. Meanwhile, Will Campuzano is a stiff underdog against Sergio Pettis (and rightly so), but Showtime’s little brother has never set foot inside the Octagon, and he’s never beaten anybody you’ve heard of. When the hype-train goes one way, your cash should go the other.
JJ: $100 on Sonnen-MacDonald-Elliot-Cerrone-Ebersole nets $2,728.38 in return. I call it the “Pasty Parlay Perfecto.” I wanted to include Ed Herman in it, but come on.
Which fight on this card will exceed expectations, and which one will fall short?
JJ: When Will Campuzano loses, he does so in dramatic fashion. The man has been body shot TKO’d by Eddie Wineland (no shame there), choked out by Damacio Page in just over a minute (LOL!), and is perhaps best known for falling victim to the only pillory choke submission in UFC history. I expect Sergio Pettis to do nothing less than flying tornado kick his head into the third row come Saturday night.
As I’ve previously mentioned, Sonnen vs. Evans unfortunately seems like it’s going to be a real piss break of a co-main event if I’ve ever seen one before. Rashad just isn’t fighting like the guy who sent Chuck Liddell into orbit anymore, simply put — he’s fighting timid, he’s fighting gun-shy. And despite the persona he tries to pass off on us cretins, Chael Sonnen really isn’t all that bad of a guy in reality. That he’s completely refrained from referring to Evans as a cocky, fat, sewer-dwelling shyster should tell you all you need to know about how this fight will go down, which is to say, like a light sparring session between two friends who have nowhere to go in the light heavyweight division…
BG: Indiana-based veteran Anthony “The Recipe” Lapsley is making his UFC debut on the Facebook prelims tomorrow, and while most of you only know him as one half of a classic double-knockout, he’s actually a dangerous grappler who could turn in a memorable ground war against Jason High — and maybe even snatch up the Submission of the Night bonus.
As for the fight that will fall short? Not that Koscheck vs. Woodley has a ton of hype behind it, but it is a main card fight, and it could very well be awful. Coming off a loss, Tyrson Woodley might revert back to his wall-and-stall roots just to secure a victory. Josh Koscheck is coming off of two losses, and could be playing it safe as well. (Now that I think of it, none of the fights on the main card are guaranteed to be awesome.) My prediction: This fight will stink up the joint, and Donald Cerrone will angrily spit dip-juice backstage and mutter “I told y’all so.”
With a UFC event scheduled for this weekend that’s actually worth watching, it’s time for another installment of Ben vs. Jared, in which CagePotato’s founding editor Ben Goldstein and long-suffering staff writer Jared Jones go cabeza-a-cabeza to discuss some of this card’s major themes. For example: Is Shogun vs. Sonnen the most pointless match on the UFC Fight Night 26 main card? Is it safe to board the Matt Brown hype train? Will Joe Lauzon make history again? And is it Yuri or Iuri? Prepare for serious business…
So, Shogun vs. Sonnen at light-heavyweight — what’s at stake here? Anything? Anything at all?
BG: I think Shogun’s career is at stake, for one thing. If he loses to a one-dimensional middleweight (no offense, Chael), it’ll drop his UFC win percentage below .500, and bump him out of the UFC light-heavyweight contender picture, maybe permanently. He’ll enter that twilight stage of his career where he’s just showing up for “fun fights,” still famous enough to headline smaller UFC events in Brazil, but no longer part of the overall conversation. Or, he can just retire and run a gas station like his brother. Neither scenario is ideal, but the one that doesn’t require him to sustain traumatic brain injuries seems a little healthier.
For Chael, this fight is more of a no-lose proposition, just like his previous light-heavyweight appearance against Jon Jones. A win against Shogun would be a career highlight, and a loss just means he goes back to middleweight where he belongs, for a battle against Wanderlei Silva that he’s already trying to hype up. Sonnen has already exited the title picture in two different weight-classes, but I don’t even think that matters to him much anymore. Whether he’s shouting behind a FOX Sports broadcast desk or cutting promos after a fight, the man’s just content to have a microphone.
JJ: Fuuuuuuck no. “Out of the light heavyweight picture?” Shogun has been out of the light-heavyweight picture since the current champion put him out of the light heavyweight picture at UFC 128, and I say that as a Shogun fan. The fact is, Shogun can’t stay healthy, he can’t put a win streak together, and his BADBOY tights are getting more constrictive by the day. Training with Freddie Roach may prolong Rua’s career a year or two longer than he would have lasted without it, but Shogun has got to be about the oldest 31-year-old in MMA. He was just used as a stepping stone for Alexander Gustafsson (unless you honestly thought the UFC was setting him up to be slaughtered by Jones again), so as far as I’m concerned, he IS in the “fun fights” part of his career. Again, Shogun fan talking here.
With a UFC event scheduled for this weekend that’s actually worth watching, it’s time for another installment of Ben vs. Jared, in which CagePotato’s founding editor Ben Goldstein and long-suffering staff writer Jared Jones go cabeza-a-cabeza to discuss some of this card’s major themes. For example: Is Shogun vs. Sonnen the most pointless match on the UFC Fight Night 26 main card? Is it safe to board the Matt Brown hype train? Will Joe Lauzon make history again? And is it Yuri or Iuri? Prepare for serious business…
So, Shogun vs. Sonnen at light-heavyweight — what’s at stake here? Anything? Anything at all?
BG: I think Shogun’s career is at stake, for one thing. If he loses to a one-dimensional middleweight (no offense, Chael), it’ll drop his UFC win percentage below .500, and bump him out of the UFC light-heavyweight contender picture, maybe permanently. He’ll enter that twilight stage of his career where he’s just showing up for “fun fights,” still famous enough to headline smaller UFC events in Brazil, but no longer part of the overall conversation. Or, he can just retire and run a gas station like his brother. Neither scenario is ideal, but the one that doesn’t require him to sustain traumatic brain injuries seems a little healthier.
For Chael, this fight is more of a no-lose proposition, just like his previous light-heavyweight appearance against Jon Jones. A win against Shogun would be a career highlight, and a loss just means he goes back to middleweight where he belongs, for a battle against Wanderlei Silva that he’s already trying to hype up. Sonnen has already exited the title picture in two different weight-classes, but I don’t even think that matters to him much anymore. Whether he’s shouting behind a FOX Sports broadcast desk or cutting promos after a fight, the man’s just content to have a microphone.
JJ: Fuuuuuuck no. “Out of the light heavyweight picture?” Shogun has been out of the light-heavyweight picture since the current champion put him out of the light heavyweight picture at UFC 128, and I say that as a Shogun fan. The fact is, Shogun can’t stay healthy, he can’t put a win streak together, and his BADBOY tights are getting more constrictive by the day. Training with Freddie Roach may prolong Rua’s career a year or two longer than he would have lasted without it, but Shogun has got to be about the oldest 31-year-old in MMA. He was just used as a stepping stone for Alexander Gustafsson (unless you honestly thought the UFC was setting him up to be slaughtered by Jones again), so as far as I’m concerned, he IS in the “fun fights” part of his career. Again, Shogun fan talking here.
Don’t get me wrong, I purchased my tickets to “Fight Night” the day they went on sale, because the chance to see a legend like Shogun (among others) throw down before I die is something that is simply too good to pass up. But there’s nothing at stake here other than our entertainment, which I’m sure that Shogun and Sonnen will deliver on like they always do. Shogun is a big enough draw and performs well enough even when he’s off his game to continue fighting mid-to-upper tier guys while occasionally picking up wins until the UFC forces him to stop. His fight with Sonnen is no different, which is why I’ll just be cheering for a good fight while trying not to spill a drop of my $10 cup of Sam Adams come Saturday.
Somehow, Matt Brown has put together one of the most impressive win streaks of any non-champion in the UFC. If he beats Mike Pyle, will we have to start considering him an elite-level welterweight? And how far away would he be from a title shot if that happens?
JJ: At this point, I have no idea what to think about Matt Brown. Honestly, I’m starting to ponder the likelihood that some soul selling is behind his recent run of, well, not luck but something close to it. Three years ago, he was getting submitted by everyone who possessed a decent guillotine, and now he’s on a five-fight killing spree including a beatdown of the highly-touted Jordan Mein? (Don’t. Use. Scanners. Gif.).
The bad news is this: As was the case with Mark Hunt, Matt Brown’s improbable run is going to come to a screeching halt in the near future — specifically, the next time he faces an elite wrestler with a decent chin and good submissions. The good news is that I don’t think Mike Pyle, who is also enjoying some unexpected success as of late, is the man to do it. My prediction: Matt Brown by…murder. Then I say give him the Carlos Condit/Martin Kampmann winner. And as far as naming him an “elite” fighter? Come on, Ben, we both know that the UFC’s totally unbiased ranking system already does that for us. (*gives best “Can you believe this guy?” face*)
BG: Agreed; board this hype-train at your own risk. Look, putting together six wins in a row is a rare feat in the UFC, but I don’t think that beating a seasoned, well-rounded fighter like Mike Pyle would be any more impressive than Brown’s previous thrashings of Jordan Mein and Mike Swick. Brown’s recent streak has a lot to do with matchmaking; he’s had the fortune of being paired up against other bangers who have let Brown turn the fights into ugly brawls. At some point, he’ll have to face the kind of opponents who used to give him a lot of trouble, namely wrestlers and submission artists. Think of the way Dong Hyun Kim and Ricardo Almeida imposed their will on him, or the way four of his five appearances in 2010-2011 ended in submission losses. (All in the second round, by the way. Hopefully he saw Chael’s psychologist about that.)
Bottom line is, Matt Brown still has a long way to go in order to prove himself, even if he rips Pyle apart. A win on Saturday will put him on the title path at 170, where things start to get really hairy. Hendricks, Condit, Ellenberger, Rory Mac, Maia, Kampmann — he’ll have to beat at least two of those guys to punch his ticket to a title shot, and it’s doubtful that any of them will allow the scrappy underdog to turn it into an alley-fight.
If Joe Lauzon wins another end-of-night bonus on Saturday, he will once again break the record for most bonuses earned by a UFC fighter. (He’s currently tied with Anderson Silva at 12.) How likely is Lauzon to pick up a bonus on Saturday, considering his opponent and the rest of the lineup on this card?
BG: Lauzon has won Submission of the Night bonuses in each of his last five victories, and I like his odds for making it six in a row against Michael Johnson. For one thing, Johnson is submittable; Reza Madadi just won a $60,000 bump in April by tapping Johnson with a SOTN-winning d’arce choke, and “The Menace” also fell victim to a Paul Sass heel-hook back in 2011.
Not only does Lauzon hold a significant advantage against Johnson on the mat, the only other submission artists on Saturday’s card who are as dependable as Lauzon are Urijah Faber (6 subs and 4 SOTNs in his last 7 wins) and Cole Miller (6 subs and 3 SOTNs in his last 6 wins), and since Cole is fighting on Facebook, we can pretty much rule him out. So as I see it, it’s basically a coin toss between J-Lau and the California Kid.
Obviously, Lauzon’s chances of scoring one of the other end-of-night bonuses are much lower. It seems virtually impossible that Joe will produce the most impressive knockout on a card that also features Alistair Overeem vs. Travis Browne, Uriah Hall vs. John Howard, and assorted sluggers like Matt Brown and Conor McGregor. And with so many matchups designed for action on this card, Lauzon vs. Johnson has a ton of potential competition in the Fight of the Night department as well. So let’s hope Lauzon’s night ends with a bonus-worthy submission, because his life is about to get a lot more expensive.
JJ: I hate to agree with you, being that this is a “vs.” piece and all (speaking of which, we should probably come up with some sort of fight-based bet to sweeten the pot a little*), but it’s a well-known fact that I’ve been swingin’ from Lauzon’s gruesome twosome since back in the day. If Deathklok’s “Thunderhorse” could somehow be captured in a human vessel, it would be Joe Lauzon, and I predict he will do nothing less than annihilate Michael Johnson on the 17th. Johnson is in over his head, in enemy territory and is getting subbed in the first round. The only question is whether or not Lauzon will do it with that flying triangle off the cage he’s been practicing. If he does, I am fully prepared to shit bricks.
I similarly see either Brown or Overeem scoring KOTN, McGregor and Holloway possibly picking up FOTN and Lauzon snagging SOTN, either with the aforementioned pants-shitting flying triangle or some form of leg lock. The bank: You can take that to it.
This weekend’s card features Urijah Faber and Uriah Hall. It also features Mike Brown, Matt Brown, and Travis Browne, as well as Michael Johnson, Michael McDonald, and Mike Pyle, and a guy whose name is spelled Yuri or Iuri, depending on which database you’re looking at. How the fuck am I — the casual MMA fan — supposed to keep this all straight?
JJ: Chances are that if you’re the casual fan, you won’t know who half the aforementioned people are until Bruce Buffer is screaming their names with the passion of a thousand suns anyway (on that note, if Rene Rancourt is not brought into the mix, be it for a guest introduction or otherwise, I will find Dana White and uncork the ass whooping of a lifetime upon him for his insolence). I barely know who Yuri Alcantara is, and if you don’t believe me, read this article.
Honestly, this fight card is so stacked with so much talent and awesome matchups that it’s kind of hurting my eyes. If I could find Joe Silva right now, I’d give him a pat on his little head, a gold star for the day and hoist him up like so:
…did that answer your question?
BG: It’s pretty simple if you just memorize this mnemonic poem:
California sunny day Spell Urijah with a J Spinning kicks that make you fall No J in Uriah Hall
“Immortal” says his stomach-tat That’s the Brown who’s name is Matt Travis Browne’s near seven-feet high Mike Brown is the other guy
All these Michaels to keep straight: “Mayday” is the bantamweight Mike Pyle, party in the back Johnson is the one who’s…athletic and explosive
Nobody should have to worry How to spell “Yuri,” or “Iuri” We just call him Alcantara He will be choked out tomorra’
//////////
* BG: Alright, buster. Here are my main card picks: Sonnen, Browne, Faber, Brown, Howard, Lauzon. Post yours in the comments section. We’ll tally ‘em up after the show, and the loser has to get a life-sized tattoo of the winner’s face on their own face. Either that or a Starbucks gift-card.
(Double chin-smush. So intense. / Video via YouTube.com/UFC)
Are Chris Weidman‘s chances for an upset as good as everybody seems to think they are? Is Tim Kennedy better at talking than he is at fighting? Does UFC 162 feature the most stacked Facebook prelims in the history of curtain-jerking? And Dave Herman‘s getting fired, right? Read on as CagePotato founding editor Ben Goldstein and staff writer Jared Jones debate these topics — and so much more — and be sure to come back tomorrow night for our “Silva vs. Weidman” liveblog, beginning with the FX prelims at 8 p.m. ET / 5 p.m. PT.
Chris Weidman has become the fashionable pick for an upset against Anderson Silva. You don’t actually believe he’ll pull it off, do you? I mean, you’re not a moron, right?
JJ: Now,I may be a moron, but there is one thing I am not, sir, and that, sir, is a moron.
If we were to have this debate immediately after Weidman had finished knocking Mark Munoz into an ice cream cake-induced depression, I would have told you that Anderson Silva was a dead man walking. “Weidman brings the kind of grappling prowess that, like Chael P. Sonnen before him, will all but completely suffocate Andy’s offense,” I would say whilst smoking a corncob pipe and farting into a wine glass, “And his striking, while clearly not on Silva’s level, has improved enough to keep the soon-to-be former champ hesitant in those rare moments when he won’t be fighting off his back.” I would have mocked you for daring to claim otherwise, then had security escort you out of my chalet bungalow when you inevitably lost your cool like a common miscreant.
And honestly, not a lot has changed since Weidman punched (and punched and punched) his way to #1 contender status almost a year ago to the day. That’s the problem. Weidman has been recovering from shoulder surgery and Silva has been retiring roided-up LHW’s in between increasingly shitty movie appearances. Am I crazy enough to pick a Chris Weidman coming off a year layoff to upset ANDERSON FREAKING SILVA? What do I look like, a moron?
BG: I feel like this wave of Weidman-support isn’t so much based on realistic analysis of the matchup, so much as fans’ natural desire to see some change after seven years of having the same champion dominating the competition, and other UFC fighters’ totally understandable self-interest in having that dominant champion go away for a while. It’s wishful thinking, basically.
Instead of discussing what Chris Weidman could theoretically do to Silva, you only need to consider Silva’s body of work in the UFC to understand that this fight probably won’t go the challenger’s way. And that’s fine. Weidman is still a young athlete who only started competing as a professional mixed martial artist in 2009. Experience counts in this sport, and Weidman just doesn’t have it. Whatever work he’s been doing in the gym, it won’t prepare him for that moment when he realizes — perhaps too late — just how talented and fearless Anderson Silva really is. I will now link you to the greatest GIF in MMA history.
The good news is, Weidman has a long career still ahead of him. Three years from now, Anderson Silva might be retired, and Chris Weidman will still be beating up top contenders. He’ll have his moment. Saturday night will not be that moment.
Tim Kennedy seems to talk a lot for a guy without many significant wins. Will Roger Gracie silence him for once, or will Kennedy finally live up to his own hype?
(Double chin-smush. So intense. / Video via YouTube.com/UFC)
Are Chris Weidman‘s chances for an upset as good as everybody seems to think they are? Is Tim Kennedy better at talking than he is at fighting? Does UFC 162 feature the most stacked Facebook prelims in the history of curtain-jerking? And Dave Herman‘s getting fired, right? Read on as CagePotato founding editor Ben Goldstein and staff writer Jared Jones debate these topics — and so much more — and be sure to come back tomorrow night for our “Silva vs. Weidman” liveblog, beginning with the FX prelims at 8 p.m. ET / 5 p.m. PT.
Chris Weidman has become the fashionable pick for an upset against Anderson Silva. You don’t actually believe he’ll pull it off, do you? I mean, you’re not a moron, right?
JJ: Now,I may be a moron, but there is one thing I am not, sir, and that, sir, is a moron.
If we were to have this debate immediately after Weidman had finished knocking Mark Munoz into an ice cream cake-induced depression, I would have told you that Anderson Silva was a dead man walking. “Weidman brings the kind of grappling prowess that, like Chael P. Sonnen before him, will all but completely suffocate Andy’s offense,” I would say whilst smoking a corncob pipe and farting into a wine glass, “And his striking, while clearly not on Silva’s level, has improved enough to keep the soon-to-be former champ hesitant in those rare moments when he won’t be fighting off his back.” I would have mocked you for daring to claim otherwise, then had security escort you out of my chalet bungalow when you inevitably lost your cool like a common miscreant.
And honestly, not a lot has changed since Weidman punched (and punched and punched) his way to #1 contender status almost a year ago to the day. That’s the problem. Weidman has been recovering from shoulder surgery and Silva has been retiring roided-up LHW’s in between increasingly shitty movie appearances. Am I crazy enough to pick a Chris Weidman coming off a year layoff to upset ANDERSON FREAKING SILVA? What do I look like, a moron?
BG: I feel like this wave of Weidman-support isn’t so much based on realistic analysis of the matchup, so much as fans’ natural desire to see some change after seven years of having the same champion dominating the competition, and other UFC fighters’ totally understandable self-interest in having that dominant champion go away for a while. It’s wishful thinking, basically.
Instead of discussing what Chris Weidman could theoretically do to Silva, you only need to consider Silva’s body of work in the UFC to understand that this fight probably won’t go the challenger’s way. And that’s fine. Weidman is still a young athlete who only started competing as a professional mixed martial artist in 2009. Experience counts in this sport, and Weidman just doesn’t have it. Whatever work he’s been doing in the gym, it won’t prepare him for that moment when he realizes — perhaps too late — just how talented and fearless Anderson Silva really is. I will now link you to the greatest GIF in MMA history.
The good news is, Weidman has a long career still ahead of him. Three years from now, Anderson Silva might be retired, and Chris Weidman will still be beating up top contenders. He’ll have his moment. Saturday night will not be that moment.
Tim Kennedy seems to talk a lot for a guy without many significant wins. Will Roger Gracie silence him for once, or will Kennedy finally live up to his own hype?
I mention all that to say this: I really don’t know if he’ll beat Roger Gracie, but his job might depend on it. The reason why the UFC continues to do business with Roy Nelson is because Nelson gives the fans what they want to see, every single time: A devastating knockout, or a fat guy getting the shit beaten out of him for 15 minutes. That’s entertainment. But if Tim Kennedy is unpopular with his boss, not a huge viewership draw, and not particularly cheap to have around, he’d better win on Saturday, or lose in a spectacular dogfight.
Alright, I know that’s a cop-out. Here’s my official prediction: Kennedy manages to keep the fight standing and wins by unanimous decision; the performance won’t do much for him, one way or the other.
JJ: My problem with Tim Kennedy isn’t that he shoots his gums off every now and again, it’s that for all the shit-talking he does, he’s never really impressed me all that much in the ring. He’s got a pair of decent victories over Robbie Lawler and Melvin Manhoef, but he was little more than a walking punching bag for Luke Rockhold and was similarly outgunned by Jacare back at Strikeforce: Houston. If Kennedy wants to continue trashing everyone and everything, he’d best score an impressive victory in his UFC debut.
Thankfully for Kennedy, I don’t think the bookies are giving him his due credit. Kennedy is a solid wrestler with decent standup skills to match, which makes him the Kryptonite of Roger Gracie (or really, any modern-day Gracie). I mean, did you even see Roger’s fight against King Mo? It was like watching a MacGruber sketch; you knew that a bomb was gonna go off at some point, it was just a matter of how long you could suspend your disbelief.
Is there anybody on the card whose odds of getting fired afterwards are greater than Dave Herman‘s?
JJ: Short answer:No. Long answer: Noooooooooope.
BG: Definitely not, and I’m a little shocked that Herman hasn’t already been fired, what with his three-straight stoppage losses and the multiple marijuana-relatedmisunderstandings. But hey, it’s not like Gabriel Gonzaga has been the most consistent heavyweight on the UFC’s roster; maybe Herman can pull off the win here and save his job. I’d say that the next guy on the danger-list might be Chris Leben, whose history of drug suspensions and other mayhem far overshadows Herman’s — but Dana White simply loves him too much. So I’ll just point out that Rafaello Oliveira has gone 1-2 in his latest UFC stint, and he’s facing Edson Barboza on Saturday. Never a great combination.
On the next page:Is Cub Swanson a legitimate title contender, what’s the most profitable bet you can place on this card, and why are Seth Baczynski and Mike Pierce stuck on Facebook?
(Cain doesn’t see an enormous head. He sees a big, beautiful, blood-piñata, just waiting to burst open and spill its bounty. / Photo via MMAFighting.com)
BG and Danga are back mahfuckas, baaaaaaaaaaaaam! [*cough*] Excuse me. What I meant to say was, UFC 160 goes down tomorrow night in Las Vegas, so CagePotato founding editor Ben Goldstein and staff writer Jared Jones have teamed up once again to discuss all the important themes surrounding the event. Which heavyweight fight on the main card is more likely to end in an upset? Should we write off KJ Noons as nothing more than UFC shark-bait? What’s a Nurmagomedov gotta do to get some respect around here? Read on, and throw down your own opinions in the comments section.
It seems pretty obviousthat the UFC is trying to set up Dos Santos vs. Velasquez III, but who stands the better chance of throwing a wrench in their plans, Hunt or Silva?
Ben: I hate to agree with this jackass — and how dare you try to persuade me by linking to a track from Primus’s underrated Rhinoplasty EP, Jared — so for the sake of argument, I’ll go ahead and say ARE *YOU* KIDDING *ME* WITH THIS?? Mark Hunt has built up a dubious win streak slinging haymakers against guys who allowed him to do so. Junior Dos Santos is far too disciplined to become another victim of the same old rock-’em-sock-’em Super Samoan routine. In a brawl, Hunt has a chance against anybody. But this won’t be a brawl — it’ll be boxing match, and JDS is about as good as they come in that department.
And sure, Hunt has scored a string of upsets against guys like Cheick Kongo and Stefan Struve. Meanwhile, Antonio Silva has scored far more unexpected and dramatic upsets against guys like Fedor Emelianenko and the aforementioned ‘Reem. Bigfoot has heart for days, and fists big enough to dummy up anybody in the heavyweight division on any given night, including the current champion. How many times are you gonna sleep on this guy? #BigfootEra
Gray Maynard vs. T.J. Grant: Who will earn the right to suffer a narrow split decision loss to Ben Henderson next?
(Cain doesn’t see an enormous head. He sees a big, beautiful, blood-piñata, just waiting to burst open and spill its bounty. / Photo via MMAFighting.com)
BG and Danga are back mahfuckas, baaaaaaaaaaaaam! [*cough*] Excuse me. What I meant to say was, UFC 160 goes down tomorrow night in Las Vegas, so CagePotato founding editor Ben Goldstein and staff writer Jared Jones have teamed up once again to discuss all the important themes surrounding the event. Which heavyweight fight on the main card is more likely to end in an upset? Should we write off KJ Noons as nothing more than UFC shark-bait? What’s a Nurmagomedov gotta do to get some respect around here? Read on, and throw down your own opinions in the comments section.
It seems pretty obviousthat the UFC is trying to set up Dos Santos vs. Velasquez III, but who stands the better chance of throwing a wrench in their plans, Hunt or Silva?
Ben: I hate to agree with this jackass — and how dare you try to persuade me by linking to a track from Primus’s underrated Rhinoplasty EP, Jared — so for the sake of argument, I’ll go ahead and say ARE *YOU* KIDDING *ME* WITH THIS?? Mark Hunt has built up a dubious win streak slinging haymakers against guys who allowed him to do so. Junior Dos Santos is far too disciplined to become another victim of the same old rock-’em-sock-’em Super Samoan routine. In a brawl, Hunt has a chance against anybody. But this won’t be a brawl — it’ll be boxing match, and JDS is about as good as they come in that department.
And sure, Hunt has scored a string of upsets against guys like Cheick Kongo and Stefan Struve. Meanwhile, Antonio Silva has scored far more unexpected and dramatic upsets against guys like Fedor Emelianenko and the aforementioned ‘Reem. Bigfoot has heart for days, and fists big enough to dummy up anybody in the heavyweight division on any given night, including the current champion. How many times are you gonna sleep on this guy? #BigfootEra
Gray Maynard vs. T.J. Grant: Who will earn the right to suffer a narrow split decision loss to Ben Henderson next?
Ben: I feel like Gray Maynard is one those fighters who can beat everybody in his weight division except for the very elite talents (see also: Bisping at middleweight, Condit at welterweight), and this seems like the kind of matchup that the Bully wins nine times out of ten. I’m not trying to shovel shit on T.J. Grant’s skills or his recent wins, it’s just that he hasn’t proven himself to be a Top 5 caliber fighter yet and I can’t identify any one specific thing that he does better than Maynard, other than maybe throwing those elbows of his. My prediction: This fight will not be decided by elbow strikes, Maynard will grind out a unanimous decision, and the UFC will change its mind and find somebody other than Gray Maynard to suffer the next narrow split-decision loss to Ben Henderson — maybe Anthony Pettis, after he’s done pretending to be a featherweight.
Jared: Yeah, you’re probably right about Gray, but T.J. Grant 2.0 has been on an absolute killing spree in the lightweight division, my friend. His performance against Evan Dunham really showcased how far he has come as a striker, and coupled with Maynard’s potential ring rust, Grant makes for an underdog pick that I’m more than comfortable placing a few dollars on. The fact that Maynard’s striking doesn’t hold a candle to his ground game leads me to believe that Gray could find himself in a heck of a heap of trouble wherever this fight takes place. While “The Bully” maintains the ability to hold Grant down for long enough to earn another title shot (that he will likely lose), I’m going to play devil’s advocate here and pick Grant to win. Big whoop wannafightaboutit?
Does anyone want KJ Noons to ever win a fight again?
Jared: It sure doesn’t seem like it. I realize that he and Donald Cerrone are both coming off losses (which, in Cerrone’s case, almost meant the loss of his life), but that’s like saying that the Toronto Maple Leaves and the Florida Panthers are both coming off “rough seasons.” Noons has dropped four out of his last five fights, including a (bullshit) loss to Ryan Couture — who was just steamrolled by Ross Pearson in his own debut — in his last contest, and you’re going to stick him in there with “Cowboy” Cerrone, the man who only loses to title holders and future contenders?
Don’t get me wrong, Noons is one tough sonofabitchbastard and this should make for a great fight, but also one that Noons stands next to no chance of winning. Cerrone hasn’t made the same mistake of flapping his gums off like he did before the Pettis fight, but what he will do is use a game plan similar to that of Jorge Masvidal to dominate Noons en route to a UD victory that bears at least one 30-26. My question is: With 5 losses in his past 6 fights, will Noons go one-and-out in the UFC, or is he being primed to take Leonard Garcia’s throne as the affable yet down-on-his-luck slugger?
Ben: I actually think the UFC does want KJ Noons to win another fight and stick around in the company for a while — what with his fan-friendly slugging style and gorgeous head of hair. It’s just that they don’t want him to win this fight in particular. This match is a rebound for Cowboy, plain and simple, and Noons will play his role accordingly. (As for your prediction that one judge will score it 30-26? That would be Cecil Peoples. Meanwhile, Nelson Hamilton and Glenn Trowbridge will dispose of their scorecards after Cerrone wins by second-round TKO. Ah, yeah. Cecil Peoples jokes. I’ve been doing this for over five years now, and that’s not depressing at all.)
The UFC tends to give second chances to guys who are immediately thrown to the wolves in their UFC debuts or step in as short-notice injury replacements and get smashed, and Noons certainly fits that first category. Look for him to return later this year in a fight he can actually win. (Say, what’s that Yancy dude up to?)
Ben: Well, Jeremy Stephens is the only prelim fighter who’s guaranteed to be cut if he loses on Saturday, considering that he’s already on a three-fight losing skid, and he’s fighting an Octagon newbie who’s best known for getting spinning-backfisted into a living death. The only problem is, I think Stephens will win that fight.
So I’m going to make a riskier pick and say Brian Bowles will never fight in the UFC again. The former WEC bantamweight champion has drifted out of relevance following his loss to Urijah Faber at UFC 139 and his subsequent year-and-a-half long injury layoff. George Roop will outstrike Bowles to a decision victory, and the UFC will realize that there’s really no point in keeping Bowles around anymore.
As for Khabib Nurmagomedov (aka “The Eagle”), it’s only his unpronounceably ethnic name that’s keeping him stuck underneath the Colton Smiths and Rick Storys of the world. But once he tears through Abel Trujillo, he’ll be the owner of a 20-0 record and four straight wins in the UFC. At that point, it won’t matter if his name is Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-BopSteinberg, the UFC won’t be able to keep this guy a secret any longer.
On Bowles’ WORST DAY, he would still beat the stuffing out of the puffed up crow’s cock that is George Roop, and I say that with all due respect. Luckily for us, this theory is going to be put to the test on Saturday, as Bowles will be coming off the longest layoff of his career as you mentioned. While I usually don’t base fight predictions on a fighter’s record, the fact that Roop hasn’t put together 2 wins in a row since 2008 (well technically, 07-08) is a more telling statistic than the reach advantage that Roop will fail to utilize as he has most of his career. Come Monday morning, Roop is going to venting his frustrations with fighter pay, the UFC’s preference of stand-and-bangers, and President Obama’s “crappy policies” to any two-bit journalist that will listen. Don’t worry; I’ve already got his number on speed dial.
It’s anyone’s guess why a guy as talented, not to mention exciting as Kebab NumaNumaYeah is still buried on the prelims, but in this case, I think it might actually make sense. UFC 160’s main card is stacked, quite honestly, yet I haven’t seen one advertisement for the event despite watching Bar Rescue on Spike TV for six hours yesterday. My masochistic TV tendencies aside, DW & Co. are probably thinking that the best way to score some last-minute PPV buys is with an exciting televised card for the meek, non-Smashers to enjoy. Starting said card with a fight that is sure to both bring the pain and piss off the Culinary Union? Sound like a win-win to me.
(“How ’bout we say ‘triangle choke, round 2.’ I’ve got a t-shirt riding on this.” / Photo via MMAFighting.com)
With UFC 159 slated for tomorrow night, CagePotato founding editor Ben Goldstein and beloved CP staff writer Jared Jones have teamed up to argue about all the important themes surrounding the event. So how will the absurd light-heavyweight title fight end, exactly? What will happen if Alan Belcher actually lets Michael Bisping take a free shot to his face? Can the third women’s UFC fight possibly live up to the first two? How many more fights can Leonard Garcia lose before the UFC gives him the ol’ heave-ho? Read on, and throw down your own opinions in the comments section.
Will Jon Jones immediately demolish Chael Sonnen, or will he play around with Chael a little before demolishing him? And will Chael retire after the loss?
BG: I rarely make sweeping statements about who will win an MMA fight because 1) anything can happen in this crazy sport, and 2) the things you write on the Internet often come back to haunt you. But yes, Jon Jones will win this fight. I absolutely guarantee it. Sonnen’s best weapon — his relentless wrestling attack — will dash apart against Jones’s own wrestling, which is precision-tuned for the sport of MMA. Quickly out of options, Chael will throw his patented “I give up” spinning backfist, fall down against the cage, and will whisper a quick prayer to his God before Jones literally eats him and shits him out. And I do mean literally, okay? Literally.
I’m leaning towards a quick beat-down in this fight rather than an extended clowning, because Jones takes his job too seriously to “play around” with an opponent. (He’s not exactly Mr. Fun, we’ve noticed.) And once Chael feels the power of a large light-heavyweight, he’ll realize what a bad idea this whole thing was in the first place. To exit the sport directly after another humiliation wouldn’t fit in with Sonnen’s blustery self-image, so I think he’ll take at least one more fight — maybe at middleweight, maybe at light-heavyweight — before calling it quits. Once he starts losing to non-champions, he’ll wisely make the switch to full-time UFC talking head and occasional hair-texture tester.
JJ: Mark my words, this fight will be Jon Jones’s UFC 97 (or UFC 112, depending on which fight you thought was worse). Jones may not be a fun-loving guy, as you stated, but it also appears that the tryptophan-induced honeymoon between these two TUF coaches has passed, leaving behind only apathy in its wake. If you’ve noticed in the past, the foes “Bones knows” on a personal level seem to last the longest in the cage with him (Rampage, Rashad) — perhaps out of respect, perhaps because they are both tough as hell — so I think we should start preparing ourselves for a tepid, five-round affair highlighted by Bones’s jab and Sonnen’s desperate attempts to convert a single leg.
And when all is said and done, Sonnen will snatch the mic out of Joe Rogan’s hand, and in an attempt to mimic [enter professional wrestler name here]’s infamous retirement speech, will announce that, and I quote:
(“How ’bout we say ‘triangle choke, round 2.’ I’ve got a t-shirt riding on this.” / Photo via MMAFighting.com)
With UFC 159 slated for tomorrow night, CagePotato founding editor Ben Goldstein and beloved CP staff writer Jared Jones have teamed up to argue about all the important themes surrounding the event. So how will the absurd light-heavyweight title fight end, exactly? What will happen if Alan Belcher actually lets Michael Bisping take a free shot to his face? Can the third women’s UFC fight possibly live up to the first two? How many more fights can Leonard Garcia lose before the UFC gives him the ol’ heave-ho? Read on, and throw down your own opinions in the comments section.
Will Jon Jones immediately demolish Chael Sonnen, or will he play around with Chael a little before demolishing him? And will Chael retire after the loss?
BG: I rarely make sweeping statements about who will win an MMA fight because 1) anything can happen in this crazy sport, and 2) the things you write on the Internet often come back to haunt you. But yes, Jon Jones will win this fight. I absolutely guarantee it. Sonnen’s best weapon — his relentless wrestling attack — will dash apart against Jones’s own wrestling, which is precision-tuned for the sport of MMA. Quickly out of options, Chael will throw his patented “I give up” spinning backfist, fall down against the cage, and will whisper a quick prayer to his God before Jones literally eats him and shits him out. And I do mean literally, okay? Literally.
I’m leaning towards a quick beat-down in this fight rather than an extended clowning, because Jones takes his job too seriously to “play around” with an opponent. (He’s not exactly Mr. Fun, we’ve noticed.) And once Chael feels the power of a large light-heavyweight, he’ll realize what a bad idea this whole thing was in the first place. To exit the sport directly after another humiliation wouldn’t fit in with Sonnen’s blustery self-image, so I think he’ll take at least one more fight — maybe at middleweight, maybe at light-heavyweight — before calling it quits. Once he starts losing to non-champions, he’ll wisely make the switch to full-time UFC talking head and occasional hair-texture tester.
JJ: Mark my words, this fight will be Jon Jones’s UFC 97 (or UFC 112, depending on which fight you thought was worse). Jones may not be a fun-loving guy, as you stated, but it also appears that the tryptophan-induced honeymoon between these two TUF coaches has passed, leaving behind only apathy in its wake. If you’ve noticed in the past, the foes “Bones knows” on a personal level seem to last the longest in the cage with him (Rampage, Rashad) — perhaps out of respect, perhaps because they are both tough as hell — so I think we should start preparing ourselves for a tepid, five-round affair highlighted by Bones’s jab and Sonnen’s desperate attempts to convert a single leg.
And when all is said and done, Sonnen will snatch the mic out of Joe Rogan’s hand, and in an attempt to mimic [enter professional wrestler name here]’s infamous retirement speech, will announce that, and I quote:
I just got a call from Dana, he said ‘Chael, I think it’s time to hang ‘em up.’ ‘You see, You’re overpaid, and at light-heavy, you kind of suck.’ ‘You’ve been losing fights, without much brain or brawn And your WWE-shtick is starting to make fans yawn’ ‘I mean, no one’s coming to see you in living rooms or bars, Maybe you should stick to MMA Tonight, or become a pro-wrasslin superstar.’ He handed me a pink slip, a FOTN-bonus, his ATM card and pin. He said, ‘Chael, take it all, then get the fuck back to West Linn.’ I thought for a moment and I said, ‘I’ll tell ya’ what, Uncle D.’
‘You need not worry, for these arms and these charms, you will not again see.’
If Leonard Garcia vs. Cody McKenzie ends in anything but a Fight of the Year-earning draw, someone is getting fired, right? Right?! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, SOMEONE TELL ME I’M RIGHT.
JJ: You’re right, so take a step away from the ledge, brosef. If Cody McKenzie loses, he’s getting axed (or should I say, GUILLOTINED…*crickets*…damn, play me off, Johnny!) for sure. Common logic dictates it. McKenzie’s three losses in his past four contests dictate it. The almighty chart even dictates it. As a big fan of the TUF 12 alum/thorn in Josh Koscheck’s ass, it saddens me to realize that McKenzie could possibly receive his walking papers on account of a guy whose continued employment undermines the newly-established firing policy of the organization he is fighting for. Then again, if McKenzie can’t beat Garcia – and the oddsmakers seem to think he won’t — perhaps he doesn’t really belong in the UFC anyway.
As for Garcia, well, I’m convinced by now that he could walk out in a banana hammock puffing a blunt on Saturday, get choked out in the first 30 seconds, and test positive for bath salts in the aftermath of his vehicular rampage across southern California and still not get fired. I’ve got nothing against the guy – he’s consistently entertaining to his own detriment (a common trait among my favorite fighters) and I honestly think Max Holloway was “blessed” *crickets, tumbleweeds* with the decision in their fight at UFC 155. At this point, we should just start asking ourselves which will come first: Garcia’s firing or the legalization of MMA in New York? Honestly, I’m picking the latter.
BG: I’ll just argue on the side of logic then. Nobody in UFC history has lost five consecutive fights and kept their contract, and Garcia won’t be the one to break that trend. And it doesn’t matter if the fight is a barnburner — even if it wins Fight of the Night, the UFC will finally realize that Garcia is a guy who can’t even beat the Cody McKenzies of the world, and cut him loose. To do otherwise would be goddamned unseemly. Even Garcia seems to be preparing for the inevitable. (I feel it’s my duty to point out that Garcia would currently be on a seven-fight losing streak if he wasn’t gifted those ill-gotten wins over Chan Sung Jung and Nam Phan in 2010.)
McKenzie has a little more wiggle room because he’s not carrying the same kind of lengthy losing streak into this fight; at least he can say he’s won a match in the last 12 months. Cody is goofy and likable, and most importantly, cheap. If he loses in a hard-fought battle — especially if he gets screwed by the judges, which is always a possibility when you’re fighting Leonard Garcia — I say he keeps his job.
Alan Belcher recently released a video where he said, “Michael Bisping couldn’t hurt me with his best punch solid to my chin…There will be at least one time in the fight where I’m just going to drop my hands and say ‘come on man, give it your best shot’.” We already know that this sort of thing is a bad idea. How bad of an idea is it against Bisping specifically, and will you cheer if Bisping knocks Belcher the fuck out for trying it?
BG: Bisping may not be known for his one-punch knockout power, and maybe Belcher could get away with giving the Count a free one. (If you’ll recall, Chris Leben tried the exact same thing against Bisping and avoided a KO, although he was on PCP at the time or something.) But let’s be honest: This is a straight-up asshole move, and it puts Belcher in danger for absolutely no reason. Dismissing your opponent’s power is one of the surest ways to get dicknailed by karma. Personally, I’ll be laughing my ass off if it actually happens. But considering that Bisping has been his usual charming self in the leadup to this fight, I’ll be pretty satisfied if the Count gets knocked out instead. For the record, I don’t think anybody’s going to sleep in this one: Bisping by decision.
JJ: I’d like to think that Belcher possesses the kind of standup skills to put Bisping in all sorts of trouble, but methinks Belcher might be a little out of his league, like Jorge Rivera and Jason Miller before him. His biggest victory in his UFC career was arguably his trouncing of Rousimar Palhares, who isn’t exactly as feared by his middleweight counterparts as he once was. While Bisping has lost most of his fights against elite-level competition, he’s also faced a hell of a lot more elite competition than Belcher.
Will Belcher make good on his promise? Perhaps in the early going, but Bisping will probably be too content with his jab-n-jog strategy to even take him up on the offer. Will Bisping eventually knock him out? It’s hard to tell — the only guy to ever TKO Belcher in the UFC was Jason Day, who was also the last person Bisping was able to finish in the first round. MMA Math determines that Bisping will run through Belcher, but I think we should expect to see Bisping exploit Belcher’s subpar wrestling en route to a dominant but ultimately unsatisfying decision victory. In either case, the day I find myself cheering for Bisping will be the day that Nick Diaz gets his real estate license.
Is it possible for the UFC’s third WMMA fight to exceed our expectations given how amazing the first two were? Or has the bar been set at an unreachable level for Sara McMann and Sheila Gaff to achieve?
JJ: I’m of two minds about how the UFC has decided to introduce WMMA into their brand. On one hand, sprinkling female fights on various cards here and there is an idea that I am coming around to more and more each day. By simply introducing the fight as another fight, it makes the gender issue a non-issue and puts a lot of pressure on the ladies to perform, which has resulted in two amazing fights thus far. On the other hand, it does set the bar so high that you just know some fans out there are waiting for the slightest slip up — a slightly boring fight, perhaps — to write off the sport entirely.
That being said, how exciting this fight ends up being depends heavily on which fighter is able to keep the fight in their realm. If Sara McMann is able to use her Olympic wrestling pedigree to take Sheila Gaff down at will (which, again, she is heavily favored to do), this fight might not wind up being the most exciting thing in the world. But if Gaff is able to keep things standing and unleash her Tazmanian Devil offense, we could witness the first “Knockout of the Night” in UFC-WMMA history. If that doesn’t silence some haters, I don’t know what will.
BG: As much as I like Sara McMann as a human being — I don’t know her personally, but she just seems like a super lady — I agree that a quick, vicious knockout from Sheila Gaff is probably the best-case scenario here, if the goal is to convince skeptical UFC fans that anything is possible in a women’s fight. And Gaff can certainly make that happen, as she possesses a level of punching power that’s downright Rothenhauslerian.
But look, there’s a reason this fight is on the FX prelims instead of the main card. As you hinted at above, a measured, wrestling-based gameplan from McMann will likely be the story of this fight, and the UFC is hedging a little just in case it’s a dull affair. It’s overly dramatic to suggest that the marketability of women in the UFC will be affected much by this bout, but it’s kind of up to Sara McMann to make this a memorable fight. If she takes Gaff down and TKOs or submits her, it’ll be a good one. If she stands and bangs, it’ll be a good one. If she just lays on top of Gaff for three rounds or executes some Cormier-style wall-and-stall, it won’t be good — not for the viewers at home, and not for McMann’s immediate title prospects.
BG: Get the fuck out of here. Whether Magalhaes has more “skills” than Davis (as he claims) is debatable. What isn’t is that Davis has so much more relevant experience in the Octagon. I like how Magalhaes rags on Davis for not fighting anybody who was really good at grappling or striking — conveniently forgetting Davis’s wins over Antonio Rogerio Nogueira and Alexander Gustafsson, it seems. Meanwhile, we’re supposed to give Vinny respect because of one UFC victory against Igor Pokrajac and a few wins over some Russian talent in M-1 Challenge? This is a huge step up in competition for Magalhaes. I really hope he’s taking it seriously, because he’s got his work cut out for him.
JJ: How can you talk about the 1X DEFENDING M-1 LIGHT HEAVYWEIGHT G.O.A.T like that, bro? Vinny Magalhaes hangs out with Chael “The World’s Most Dangerous Man Fuck You Ken Shamrock” Sonnen and beats up Russians in his spare time. Russians, you guys. They’re like 5/6ths human, 1/3rd cyborg, and two-parts archangel on average, and you think Magalhaes can’t handle some pink tights-sporting pair of clownshoes who looks like Starvin Marvin and packs even less punching power?
We might detest him for it, but Vinny Magalhaes is about to single-handedly shatter the myth that things like “fighter rankings” or “octagon experience” or “notable wins” matter in a UFC fight. And it all begins with his first round, SOTY-earning gogoplata victory over Davis on Saturday.
Rustam Khabilov (a.k.a SLAM duh duuh duuh) is fighting a guy named Yancy.Yancy. Discuss.
JJ: Looks like I’ll have to revamp my “Worst Draws for a UFC Debut” article.It probably sucked anyway. But yeah, Yancy.
Khabilov by Khalibomb (Khalima-bomb?) at three seconds into the first.
BG: Yancy. It’s like “Nancy,” but with a Y. Personally, I’m more interested that Yancy Medeiros hasn’t competed in three years, and he’s dropping two weight classes for this fight, and his nickname is “Frisson.” But yeah, Yancy’s screwed here. Khabilov will throw him. How Yancy lands is his business.
BG: Nelson will win by KO, setting up a fight against Mark Hunt for the UFC’s inaugural HeavyDWeight Championship.
JJ: Trick question: Nelson by DQ after his testicles are literally kneed out of his scrotum by Kongo. Joe Rogan will then enter the octagon, scoop up Nelson’s testicles, and force Arianny and Brittney to eat them while the audience cheers them on.
