Tag: injury curse

Crazy Enough to Be True: Ten Wild MMA Predictions for 2013


(You see, kids, this is why we don’t break the fourth rule of Project Mayhem. Photo via Complex)

By Jason Moles

As is customary, nay tradition, around these parts, we’re hitting the eggnog early and often this week — thus, the obligatory Top 10 list to close out another year in the world of mixed martial arts. It’s not all fluff, though: Last year we predicted a champion would test positive for a banned substance and Brock Lesnar would retire. Not bad, huh? So grab a seat while we break out the crystal ball and see what 2013 has in store for us.

1.) Showtime stays in the MMA biz, will announce deal with Invicta FC and others.

MMA is just too popular to completely wash your hands of. Showtime may finally be done with Strikeforce, but that only means they’re now free to partner up with the likes of all-female Invicta FC or the World Series of Fighting, both of which could be looking for more permanent homes after their early success in 2012. Don’t let the Invicta PPV news fool you; they can’t win that battle. No matter who inks the deal, expect Showtime to counter-program at least one UFC event.

2.) A Ronda Rousey loss brings about the swift execution of women’s MMA in the UFC.


(You see, kids, this is why we don’t break the fourth rule of Project Mayhem. Photo via Complex)

By Jason Moles

As is customary, nay tradition, around these parts, we’re hitting the eggnog early and often this week — thus, the obligatory Top 10 list to close out another year in the world of mixed martial arts. It’s not all fluff, though: Last year we predicted a champion would test positive for a banned substance and Brock Lesnar would retire. Not bad, huh? So grab a seat while we break out the crystal ball and see what 2013 has in store for us.

1.) Showtime stays in the MMA biz, will announce deal with Invicta FC and others.

MMA is just too popular to completely wash your hands of. Showtime may finally be done with Strikeforce, but that only means they’re now free to partner up with the likes of all-female Invicta FC or the World Series of Fighting, both of which could be looking for more permanent homes after their early success in 2012. Don’t let the Invicta PPV news fool you; they can’t win that battle. No matter who inks the deal, expect Showtime to counter-program at least one UFC event.

2.) A Ronda Rousey loss brings about the swift execution of women’s MMA in the UFC.

After amputating what’s her name in February, Rowdy will move on to calling out every woman possible who she knows cannot make 135 — especially Cyborg. In what comes as a major surprise to fight fans around the globe, Gina Carano accepts her open challenge (perfect timing to publicize her upcoming role in Fast 6) in late spring/early summer. “Conviction” TKO’s her way to victory then ships off to work on the chick version of The Expendables never to return to the cage. Dana White will be inconsolable but manages to release the handful of remaining women under Zuffa contract that don’t parade around in shorty shorts and a push-up bra.

3.) The Ultimate Fighter coaching curse ends in season 17. Jon Jones vs. Chael Sonnen will take place as scheduled — guaranteed.

Hear me out on this one. Just like you, the Injury Bug desperately wants to see this fight, either to see that fake-ass white boy Sonnen get savaged or to watch Jonny Bones get knocked down a peg or two.  That’s right, neither Jones nor Sonnen will become injured prior to their bout on April 27th. How can I guarantee something so outlandish? Suffice it to say we have our ways of getting things done.

4.) Dana White announces his retirement*.

A man can only go so hard for so long before his body tosses in the towel. Dana White’s battle with Meniere’s Disease combined with international travel will have finally caught up with MMA’s Moses. You’ll all kick yourself for not seeing this coming sooner. First it was a missed event, then it was two. Next thing you knew, DFW was running the broadcasts from his bunker in Vegas. During the breaking interview, Ariel Helwani will shower White with tremendous praise and wish him the best in his future endeavors while trying to keep a straight face on The MMA Hour because he was briefed on the regime change months ago. Helwani nose.

5.) An A-list celebrity tries his hand at MMA.

My sources cannot confirm, but the word on the street is that both CM Punk and Justin Bieber are looking to cash in on the MMA craze before the bubble bursts in 2014. ($%&@! I’ve said too much already.) You already know that Punk is a Gracie trained white belt, but did you know that the annoying little Bieber kid could throw down? Me either, at least not until I saw this. One guy is always one pipe bomb away from the unemployment line and the other, well… has the testosterone of Alistair Overeem at a random drug test, which means he’s constantly in a state of  “Come at me, bro!” These two savvy businessmen are too smart to leave money on the table so they nut up and get in the cage. But you can bet your last dollar “Biebs” won’t be fighting when the Octagon comes rolling into the Philippines.

*Announcement scheduled for 04/01/13.

Hit the “next page” link for even more Nostradumas-like predictions that will make us look like geniuses later…

Bellator 83 Recap: The Great 2012 Injury Curse Strikes Yet, Yet, Yet, Yet Again

(I don’t know, this song seems oddly appropriate.) 

Let me ask you something, Potato Nation; after the unstoppable killing machine that is the 2012 injury curse claimed Tim Means via sauna room KO yesterday, did you think there was any possible way it could get worse? I may not know what your answer is, but I’m going to go ahead and declare you DEAD F*CKING WRONG. Last night’s Bellator 83 main event was supposed to determine the winner of the Season Seven Featherweight Tournament, pitting Shahbulat Shamhalaev against Rad Martinez. But oh, if only life were so simple. Not content with claiming fighters in the days before a fight, the injury curse struck down Shamhalaev with food poisoning during the God damn broadcast last night, forcing the bout to be shuffled to next week’s Bellator 84 card, where one of these two will probably obliterate the testicles of their opponent with a low kick and we can start this tragic experiment all over again.

Now without a main event, the co-main event matchup between former Bellator bantamweight champion Zach Mackovsky and Anthony Leone was bumped up to top billing. But I don’t want to talk about that fight (which Leone out-grappled the undersized Mackovsky en route to a SD victory). I want to talk about the flyweight matchup between Jessica Eye and Bellator 115 pound champ Zoila Gurgel, which despite lasting less than a minute was easily the highlight of a night filled with decisions.

Video and full results after the jump. 


(I don’t know, this song seems oddly appropriate.) 

Let me ask you something, Potato Nation; after the unstoppable killing machine that is the 2012 injury curse claimed Tim Means via sauna room KO yesterday, did you think there was any possible way it could get worse? I may not know what your answer is, but I’m going to go ahead and declare you DEAD F*CKING WRONG. Last night’s Bellator 83 main event was supposed to determine the winner of the Season Seven Featherweight Tournament, pitting Shahbulat Shamhalaev against Rad Martinez. But oh, if only life were so simple. Not content with claiming fighters in the days before a fight, the injury curse struck down Shamhalaev with food poisoning during the God damn broadcast last night, forcing the bout to be shuffled to next week’s Bellator 84 card, where one of these two will probably obliterate the testicles of their opponent with a low kick and we can start this tragic experiment all over again.

Now without a main event, the co-main event matchup between former Bellator bantamweight champion Zach Mackovsky and Anthony Leone was bumped up to top billing. But I don’t want to talk about that fight (which Leone out-grappled the undersized Mackovsky en route to a SD victory). I want to talk about the flyweight matchup between Jessica Eye and Bellator 115 pound champ Zoila Gurgel, which despite lasting less than a minute was easily the highlight of a night filled with decisions.

We know that Bellator CEO Bjorn Rebney reads CagePotato, like, religiously. We know this. Yet for some reason, he refuses to heed our advice about having his promotion’s champions fight in non-title fights. Granted, Bellator’s relationship with 115 pound female champion Zolia Gurgel is rocky to say the least, but the fact that she’s fought two non-title flyweight bouts since winning the belt is a little puzzling to say the least. In either case, you knew it was going to catch up to her eventually, but not many knew it would come in such quick, violent fashion as it did last night.

Squaring off against the 8-1 Jessica “Evil” Eye (official CP nickname “Easy On The“), Gurgel looked to establish her dominance on the feet early. Unfortunately for her, Eye ate her early shots and delivered some better ones of her own, dropping Gurgel mere seconds into the fight. In the scramble that ensued, Eye latched onto a standing arm-triangle ala Matt Riddle vs. Chris Clements that seemed ambitious at best at first. However, Eye made the correct adjustments and simply thrashed Gurgel against the cage until she collapsed in a heap, unconscious and pale faced. Referee Bill Bookwalter called an end to the contest just 58 seconds in. If there was ever an indication that Gurgel should stick to the class she’s the champion of, that was it. Then again, she told ReX that she plans to stay at 125, so I guess it’s back to the drawing board. A great win for Eye, though.

Full results from Bellator 83 are below.

Main Card
Rad Martinez vs. Shahbulat Shamhalaev (fight postponed to Dec. 14, Shamhalaev withdrew due to food poisoning)
Anthony Leone def. Zach Makovsky via split decision (29-28, 29-28, 28-29)
Jessica Eye def. Zoila Gurgel via arm triangle choke submission, Rd. 1 (0:58)
Darrell Horcher def. Chris Liguori via unanimous decision (29-28, 29-28, 29-28)

Undercard
Mike Wessel def. Alexei Kudin via unanimous decision (29-28, 29-28, 29-28)
Jimmie Rivera def. Jesse Brock via unanimous decision (29-28, 29-28, 29-28)
Terrell Hobbs def. Brylan Van Artsdalen via rear naked choke submission, Rd. 1 (3:07)
Tuan Phan def. Matthew Lozano via unanimous decision (29-28, 29-28, 29-28)
Claudio Ledesma def. Bo Harris via unanimous decision (30-27, 30-27, 30-27)

–J. Jones

Tim Means Pulled Last-Minute From ‘UFC on FOX 5? For the Most Hilariously Cursed Injury Yet


(To be fair, Means’ should have seen something like this coming when he decided to frequent the creepy sauna in the middle of a swamp.) 

You guys remember how the booking of Tim Means and Abel Trujillo — two former convicts — on the undercard of UFC on FOX 5 raised some interesting questions regarding just who the UFC should allow to fight under their banner? Well, we can put that debate to rest for now in the case of Means, as Dana White announced over Twitter just a couple hours ago that “The Dirty Bird” has been pulled from the card for — we shit you not — slipping in the sauna and knocking himself unconscious:

 

I hope you all are happy, because you kind of predicted this.


(To be fair, Means’ should have seen something like this coming when he decided to frequent the creepy sauna in the middle of a swamp.) 

You guys remember how the booking of Tim Means and Abel Trujillo — two former convicts — on the undercard of UFC on FOX 5 raised some interesting questions regarding just who the UFC should allow to fight under their banner? Well, we can put that debate to rest for now in the case of Means, as Dana White announced over Twitter just a couple hours ago that “The Dirty Bird” has been pulled from the card for — we shit you not — slipping in the sauna and knocking himself unconscious:

 

I hope you all are happy, because you kind of predicted this.

If this sounds familiar, it’s because a very similar situation occurred at UFC 24 when Kevin Randleman slipped on a pipe backstage and knocked himself right out of the headlining heavyweight title match he was scheduled to compete in opposite Pedro Rizzo. At least we’re only dealing with an undercard injury for the time being.

At this point, the injury curse of 2012 has officially gone full-retard. Drunk on power and arrogance, it is basically stumbling through mess halls and vomiting into harpsichords, looking for the nearest hapless gent to pick a fight with. It’s beyond the point of parody, really, kind of like how fast food drive-thru window pranks and AIDS jokes just aren’t as funny as they used to be. The question is, will 2013 be just as bad? There’s truly no earthly way of knowing which direction the injury curse is going, but not a spec of light is showing, so the danger must be growing. YES, the danger MUST be growing, for the woe-ers keep on woeing, and they’re certainly not showing ANY SIGNS THAT THEY ARE SLOWING!!

Ahem.

As DW mentioned, stepping up on short notice to face Trujillo will be Marcus LeVesseur, who lost his original opponent in TUF 15 winner Mike Chiesa due to a sudden illness that forced him to pull out from the fight at the last minute. If I were one to buy into conspiracies, this is where I’d start speculating that a Higher Power was behind all this, perhaps attempting to prevent some sort of ecological disaster or terrorist attack through a series of frivolously connected events that begin with this fight. Thankfully, I’m not one of those loons.

–J. Jones

Forrest Griffin Suffers Knee Injury, Out of UFC 155 Fight With Phil Davis [CURSEPOCALYPSE 2012]

(I mean, seriously. Y’know?)

The UFC Injury Curse of 2012 has another big-name trophy to hang on its wall — Forrest Griffin, who will miss his UFC 155 main card match against Phil Davis on December 29th due to a wrecked knee. UFC president Dana White passes along the sad (but at this point completely unsurprising) news:

Forrest Has MCL tear and ACL strain. 20 cc’s of blood removed from his knee and the saga continues at the UFC!!

No word yet on whether Davis will be getting a replacement opponent at the “Dos Santos vs. Velasquez II” event, or if he’ll be pulled from the lineup. Keep in mind that Davis was himself a replacement for Chael Sonnen, who ditched his matchup against Forrest when his TUF 17 coaching opportunity came up.

We’ll update you when we hear more.


(I mean, seriously. Y’know?)

The UFC Injury Curse of 2012 has another big-name trophy to hang on its wall — Forrest Griffin, who will miss his UFC 155 main card match against Phil Davis on December 29th due to a wrecked knee. UFC president Dana White passes along the sad (but at this point completely unsurprising) news:

Forrest Has MCL tear and ACL strain. 20 cc’s of blood removed from his knee and the saga continues at the UFC!!

No word yet on whether Davis will be getting a replacement opponent at the “Dos Santos vs. Velasquez II” event, or if he’ll be pulled from the lineup. Keep in mind that Davis was himself a replacement for Chael Sonnen, who ditched his matchup against Forrest when his TUF 17 coaching opportunity came up.

We’ll update you when we hear more.

[INJURYCEPTION] Injured Champ Dominick Cruz Re-Injures Himself While Recovering From Injury, Now Out Most of 2013


(Dominick Cruz, seen here seconds after being made aware that Dominick Cruz had been injured yet again.) 

It just doesn’t end, you guys. It. Doesn’t. Fucking. End.

The insatiable injury curse of 2012 — seemingly fed up with claiming non-injured, active fighters — has somehow grown powerful enough to affect those who were already injured to begin with. NO, IT DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE.

And while the title may be a little misleading being that bantamweight champion Dominick Cruz didn’t truly re-injure himself, but rather failed to recuperate properly from the ACL injury that has kept him out of action since May, it looks like we won’t be seeing “The Dominator” dominating anything but a Domino’s delivery menu until late 2013 [WORDPLAY]. The newsbroke earlier today that the anterior cruciate ligament Cruz had replaced with that of a cadaver’s following his run on TUF 15 was rejected by his body, forcing the champ to undergo additional surgery in order repair/replace it.

“He’s pissed and disappointed,” remarked Cruz’s trainer Eric Del Fierro, echoing the sentiment of not only MMA fans around the world but that of MMA hack journalists such as myself.

I mean, I’m running out of ways to continue delivering bad news to you guys in this format. Creativity be damned; I feel like a World War 2 messenger at this point, just handing out notifications of death to the families of the deceased, trying to remain as emotionally unavailable as possible while little Jimmy Pocket and his Mom stare at me with tear-filled eyes. No Jimmy, your father isn’t coming home this Christmas. And that really awesome toy you wanted? You won’t be getting that either, because Santa never existed and now your Mom will have to pull double shifts at the diner and sell her body for money nightly just so you can eat canned hot dogs and stay off the street long enough to die with some dignity at age 7, when, following your Mom’s inevitable descent into cocaine and then full-on heroin addiction she’s since developed as a coping mechanism for being ravaged by the local charlatans and bottom-feeders day after day, she will fall asleep with a cigarette in her mouth and burn your house to the ground while you are dreaming of something, anything to remove you from the hellish nightmare your existence has become.


(Dominick Cruz, seen here seconds after being made aware that Dominick Cruz had been injured yet again.) 

It just doesn’t end, you guys. It. Doesn’t. Fucking. End.

The insatiable injury curse of 2012 — seemingly fed up with claiming non-injured, active fighters — has somehow grown powerful enough to affect those who were already injured to begin with. NO, IT DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE.

And while the title may be a little misleading being that bantamweight champion Dominick Cruz didn’t truly re-injure himself, but rather failed to recuperate properly from the ACL injury that has kept him out of action since May, it looks like we won’t be seeing “The Dominator” dominating anything but a Domino’s delivery menu until late 2013 [WORDPLAY]. The newsbroke earlier today that the anterior cruciate ligament Cruz had replaced with that of a cadaver’s following his run on TUF 15 was rejected by his body, forcing the champ to undergo additional surgery in order repair/replace it.

“He’s pissed and disappointed,” remarked Cruz’s trainer Eric Del Fierro, echoing the sentiment of not only MMA fans around the world but that of MMA hack journalists such as myself.

I mean, I’m running out of ways to continue delivering bad news to you guys in this format. Creativity be damned; I feel like a World War 2 messenger at this point, just handing out notifications of death to the families of the deceased, trying to remain as emotionally unavailable as possible while little Jimmy Pocket and his Mom stare at me with tear-filled eyes. No Jimmy, your father isn’t coming home this Christmas. And that really awesome toy you wanted? You won’t be getting that either, because Santa never existed and now your Mom will have to pull double shifts at the diner and sell her body for money nightly just so you can eat canned hot dogs and stay off the street long enough to die with some dignity at age 7, when, following your Mom’s inevitable descent into cocaine and then full-on heroin addiction she’s since developed as a coping mechanism for being ravaged by the local charlatans and bottom-feeders day after day, she will fall asleep with a cigarette in her mouth and burn your house to the ground while you are dreaming of something, anything to remove you from the hellish nightmare your existence has become.

…

No word yet on whether or not Renan Barao will defend his title against Michael McDonald in Cruz’s absence, but we’re gonna guess…maybe?

–J. Jones

Gabriel Gonzaga Loses His UFC 153 Dance Partner, As Geronimo dos Santos Withdraws on Short Notice

(Just some more surrealist video art via gonzagabjj)

Gabriel Gonzaga hasn’t just been affected by the UFC injury curse — he is the UFC injury curse, in all of its weird permutations. The decision-phobic heavyweight originally found his way back into the Octagon as an injury replacement against Edinaldo Oliveira in January. Then, he had to drop off the chaotic UFC 146 card due to an injury. And now, he’s lost his scheduled opponent at next weekend’s UFC 153 card in Rio, after UFC officials confirmed that Geronimo Dos Santos would be unable to compete. Was Geronimo’s withdrawal injury-related? I don’t know. You tell me.

UFC officials haven’t yet confirmed whether they’ll be finding a replacement opponent for Gonzaga on the “Silva vs. Bonnar” card. As MMAJunkie suggests, Gonzaga would theoretically be available to serve as the replacement opponent for Daniel Cormier at the Strikeforce event on November 3rd, which would be better than nothing, I guess. We’ll update you when we know more.


(Just some more surrealist video art via gonzagabjj)

Gabriel Gonzaga hasn’t just been affected by the UFC injury curse — he is the UFC injury curse, in all of its weird permutations. The decision-phobic heavyweight originally found his way back into the Octagon as an injury replacement against Edinaldo Oliveira in January. Then, he had to drop off the chaotic UFC 146 card due to an injury. And now, he’s lost his scheduled opponent at next weekend’s UFC 153 card in Rio, after UFC officials confirmed that Geronimo Dos Santos would be unable to compete. Was Geronimo’s withdrawal injury-related? I don’t know. You tell me.

UFC officials haven’t yet confirmed whether they’ll be finding a replacement opponent for Gonzaga on the “Silva vs. Bonnar” card. As MMAJunkie suggests, Gonzaga would theoretically be available to serve as the replacement opponent for Daniel Cormier at the Strikeforce event on November 3rd, which would be better than nothing, I guess. We’ll update you when we know more.