When our favorite UFC commentator (and stand-up comedian/actor/television show host) Joe Rogan came back with a re-launch of his long-running NBC extreme game show Fear Factor, critics wondered what the point was. We should have known better than to doubt Joe and the Factor producers because they had a sure-fire ratings ace up their sleeves — pairs of pretty twin girls in bikinis gulping down gallons and gallons of donkey jizz and piss.
Unfortunately the suits at NBC decided not to air the episode in America and shortly after, Fear Factor was cancelled. Coincidence? We think not. The pornographic segment* has finally seen the light of day, on Danish Television. We’ll go ahead and assume that Martin Kampmann may have already watched and enjoyed the clip.
When our favorite UFC commentator (and stand-up comedian/actor/television show host) Joe Rogan came back with a re-launch of his long-running NBC extreme game show Fear Factor, critics wondered what the point was. We should have known better than to doubt Joe and the Factor producers because they had a sure-fire ratings ace up their sleeves — pairs of pretty twin girls in bikinis gulping down gallons and gallons of donkey jizz and piss.
Unfortunately the suits at NBC decided not to air the episode in America and shortly after, Fear Factor was cancelled. Coincidence? We think not. The pornographic segment* has finally seen the light of day, on Danish Television. We’ll go ahead and assume that Martin Kampmann may have already watched and enjoyed the clip.
I’ve read some other posts in the blogosphere where pious writers warn readers not to watch the video because it is disgusting. Forget that nonsense. I had to watch it twice for you knuckleheads so the least you can do is vomit along with me (and the bikini-clad chicks after they’ve licked their mugs clean). Pay special attention to Rogan’s hilarious exhortations. (“You are a beast!” “Give me a big, deep breath. Open up wide!” “Yes. Yes! One more gulp!” “Go for it, Claire! Oh yeah! You’ve got this! She’s fine.”) The guy can’t do anything without full-throttle enthusiasm.
* If you don’t think women drinking cups of semen and urine in front of cameras is pornographic, you’ve just never seen the good stuff. In which case we’d like to invite you to one of our daily CagePotato staff meetings. Our leader Ben Goldstein has interesting taste in motivational videos, is all I’ll say.
(An audience member snapped this photo at the exact moment of the knockout.)
There has been a lot of talk over the past few weeks in regards to “bath salts” an their effect on the human body. A friend of mine described them as “meth on PCP,” and said that they tend to make one feel “like Superman on a Chris Benoit-esque roid rage,” with side effects ranging from hallucinations, paranoia, and wet farts all the way to the ability to leap tall buildings in a single bound and absorb a speeding bullet without batting an eye. Let’s just say that he’s “a doctor.”
Well, after watching Galore Bosando’s recent destruction of Wendle Lewis at a May 26th UCMMA event in London, I can only assume that we have witnessed the first case of bath salt abuse in MMA. Because there is no other logical explanation as to how exactly Bosando was able to deliver such an onslaught of spinning kick attacks, combining an inhuman level of flexibility with an, and I use this term at the risk of sounding racist, “explosiveness” that just doesn’t seem attainable without a narcotic level stimulant running through one’s veins.
Welterweights of the greater London area take notice, because it appears that Melvin Guillard and Melvin Manhoef mixed their DNA in a petri dish, combined it with 4 pounds of C-4, and mailed it to England in a bag full of hammers. The resulting explosion created Galore Basando.
Video after the jump.
(An audience member snapped this photo at the exact moment of the knockout.)
There has been a lot of talk over the past few weeks in regards to “bath salts” an their effect on the human body. A friend of mine described them as “meth on PCP,” and said that they tend to make one feel “like Superman on a Chris Benoit-esque roid rage,” with side effects ranging from hallucinations, paranoia, and wet farts all the way to the ability to leap tall buildings in a single bound and absorb a speeding bullet without batting an eye. Let’s just say that he’s “a doctor.”
Well, after watching Galore Bosando’s recent destruction of Wendle Lewis at a May 26th UCMMA event in London, I can only assume that we have witnessed the first case of bath salt abuse in MMA. Because there is no other logical explanation as to how exactly Bosando was able to deliver such an onslaught of spinning kick attacks, combining an inhuman level of flexibility with an, and I use this term at the risk of sounding racist, “explosiveness” that just doesn’t seem attainable without a narcotic level stimulant running through one’s veins.
Welterweights of the greater London area take notice, because it appears that Melvin Guillard and Melvin Manhoef mixed their DNA in a petri dish, combined it with 4 pounds of C-4, and mailed it to England in a bag full of hammers. The resulting explosion created Galore Basando.
(Things start to get interesting around the 8 minute mark.)
Currently 3-1 as a professional, with his only loss coming by way of DQ (illegal knee), Bosando is definitely an up and comer to keep an eye out for. Of course, being that he’s from the other side of the pond, having him face a wrestler would give us a much better picture of just where he’s at as a mixed martial artist. In either case, his ability to use his kicks as jabs and keep his opponents at a distance ala Dennis Siver is impressive as anything you’re going to see today. Unless you decide to try out bath salts, in which case, make sure to avoid the Pterodactyls on Mount Crom, because those sonsabitches are vicious.
At what point in a fighter’s career is it considered cruel and unusual punishment to allow them to compete? Sure, Randy Couture fought until he was 47, and Dan Severn is still beating up any homeless person that accidentally stumbled into the cage for a pint of Guinness and a pat on the back, but those gents are simply the exceptions that prove the rule. Guys like Ken Shamrock, on the other hand, are doing nothing more than shortening their lifespan each time they step into the ring, and for what? An attempt to recapture some former glory, or a feeling of youth? We know it damn sure isn’t in the hopes of recapturing a title, but then again, a passion is a passion, and if an obviously past their prime athlete wants to continue fighting at the detriment of their own health, who are we to say otherwise? It’s up to the promoters to cut them loose, not the fighters, and as we’ve seen in the story of Scott Hall, sometimes it is these very promoters who seem unable to make that distinction.
We’re rambling, of course, about the reports that BJJ/coaching legend Renzo Gracie is preparing for a second run in the UFC. At age 45.
Now, we’re not here to bash a freakin’ Gracie of all people for wanting to give the UFC another go, but this just seems like a terrible idea in every sense of the word.
At what point in a fighter’s career is it considered cruel and unusual punishment to allow them to compete? Sure, Randy Couture fought until he was 47, and Dan Severn is still beating up any homeless person that accidentally stumbled into the cage for a pint of Guinness and a pat on the back, but those gents are simply the exceptions that prove the rule. Guys like Ken Shamrock, on the other hand, are doing nothing more than shortening their lifespan each time they step into the ring, and for what? An attempt to recapture some former glory, or a feeling of youth? We know it damn sure isn’t in the hopes of recapturing a title, but then again, a passion is a passion, and if an obviously past their prime athlete wants to continue fighting at the detriment of their own health, who are we to say otherwise? It’s up to the promoters to cut them loose, not the fighters, and as we’ve seen in the story of Scott Hall, sometimes it is these very promoters who seem unable to make that distinction.
We’re rambling, of course, about the reports that BJJ/coaching legend Renzo Gracie is preparing for a second run in the UFC. At age 45.
Now, we’re not here to bash a freakin’ Gracie of all people for wanting to give the UFC another go, but this just seems like a terrible idea in every sense of the word. For starters, Gracie has been inactive for over two years. Secondly, the last time he did step into the octagon, he made Matt Hughes look like Mirko Cro Cop circa 2005, getting picked apart on the feet until getting mercifully put out of his misery late in the third round. And the fact that he looked completely gassed en route to that TKO loss doesn’t bode well either. For Christ’s sake, Gracie’s last legit win came all the way back in December of 2006 when he scored a split decision over fellow IFL coach Carlos Newton.
But despite all of this, Gracie told MMAJunkie that he was “getting ready to fight again,” stating:
I have a six-fight contract with no predetermined time frame. I still have five fights to go, so I plan to jump back into it. I love this sport. The day that a promoter won’t book me to fight, even for free, that’s when I’ll quit.
Well, if that is truly Gracie’s stance on the matter, then we’d like to wish him the best of luck. But does he honestly expect to compete FIVE MORE TIMES in the sport’s highest promotion? That’s a freaking death sentence.
We can’t even believe we’re asking this, but who, if anyone, would you like to see Gracie face if he is actually called back to the UFC? Put us in the camp that wants to see the UFC resign Pat Militech and have these two square off once again, because why not at this point?
Hell, they could set up a whole senior’s league if they want. Just think about it: pay-per-views could start airing at 3 p.m., and the participants could fight for a year long membership to the Old Country Buffet. Kazushi Sakuraba could reignite and old rivalry, and we could finally be treated to a trilogy match between Tank Abbott and Scott Ferrozzo. Sounds like a plan, does it not?
Before we go any further, the answer is yes. That image is a real screenshot of Bob Sapp’s MMA record on both the English version of Wikipedia and its Italian counterpart, taken around 2:30 (CT) this afternoon. Those who follow MMA already know that Bob Sapp is nothing more than a joke and a disgrace, and with Wikipedia cracking down on UFC events that aren’t important enough to deserve their own pages, it should come as little surprise that yet another effortless loss from Bob Sapp has yet to be added to his fight record.
Friday night, Bob Sapp set out to mock our sport professional sports once again in Kazakhstan against Tölegen Akylbekov. Knowing that Bob Sapp was going to put up as much of a fight as The Brooklyn Brawler, Akylbekov decided that he was going to attempt to win The Bob Sapp Challenge™. For those uninitiated, the rules are simple: Rather than defeating Bob Sapp as quickly as possible, one must force Bob Sapp to actually put up something resembling a fight for as long as possible. Sounds easy enough…until you realize you’re attempting to make a guy who has tapped out to a double-leg takedown actually put up a fight.
Before we go any further, the answer is yes. That image is a real screenshot of Bob Sapp‘s MMA record on both the English version of Wikipedia and its Italian counterpart, taken around 2:30 (CT) this afternoon. Those who follow MMA already know that Bob Sapp is nothing more than a joke and a disgrace, and with Wikipedia cracking down on UFC events that aren’t important enough to deserve their own pages, it should come as little surprise that yet another effortless loss from Bob Sapp has yet to be added to his fight record.
Friday night, Bob Sapp set out to mock our sport professional sports once again in Kazakhstan against Tölegen Akylbekov. Knowing that Bob Sapp was going to put up as much of a fight as The Brooklyn Brawler, Akylbekov decided that he was going to attempt to win The Bob Sapp Challenge™. For those uninitiated, the rules are simple: Rather than defeating Bob Sapp as quickly as possible, one must force Bob Sapp to actually put up something resembling a fight for as long as possible. Sounds easy enough…until you realize you’re attempting to make a guy who has tapped out to a double-leg takedown actually put up a fight.
Once Tölegen Akylbekov got Bob Sapp to the ground, he threw some ground-and-pound that was so light that even Bob Sapp couldn’t tap out to it. Akylbekov has the right idea by standing up and backing away, but when Sapp refuses to stand back up, the Kazakhstan fighter threw some comically slow punches that would have made a real fighter do something other than turtle up and wait for the referee to stop the fight.
But it was all for nothing. Two minutes and twelve seconds into the video, we see the inevitable tapout from Bob Sapp due to hammerfists. Immediately after the Sappmission, the referee lands the most significant blow of the fight when he tackles Tölegen Akylbekov.
Okay, the bar for The Bob Sapp Challenge™ has been set at one minute, twenty four seconds. Your move, Jong Dae Kim.
(It’s as if the province of Ontario is giving us the middle finger at every waking moment.)
When you report on all things MMA for a living (or at least claim to) like we here at CP do, it becomes a rarer and rarer occurrence that something truly blows our collective minds. A botched drug test here, a DWI/Domestic Assault arrest here — none of these things really surprise us in the sense that they are completely unheard news stories. Rather, it is often the whos and whats of a given case that give us food for thought. In other words, it is not everyday that we are treated to a rampage across Southern California that really makes us sit back and ponder the peculiarity of a given situation.
Today is one of those days, Potato Nation.
For you see, our buddies at Fightlinker managed to come across a story originally reported by Sportsnet’s Joe Ferraro that involved Canada’s ever-budding amatuer mixed martial arts scene, and we felt the need to pass it along.
But first, a little backstory. For those of you keeping track, Ontario did not legalize mixed martial arts until the beginning of 2011, but the Ontarian (yes, that’s what they call themselves) response was overwhelmingly positive. UFC 129 became the fastest selling card in UFC History, selling over 55,000 tickets in just over two days. We’re talking about a card that had Jake f’ing Shieldzzzzz in the main event, people. The UFC returned to Ontario at UFC 140, and in both occasions, saw the usual mix of enthusiastic and knowledgeable fans in attendance, something that cannot be said for many other venues.
So one would think that when it came to determining a set of rules for which amateur MMA would be governed by, Ontario would have more than an infinitesimal inkling as to how the sport they loved so much was run. You would be wrong. So, very, very wrong.
(It’s as if the province of Ontario is giving us the middle finger at every waking moment.)
When you report on all things MMA for a living (or at least claim to) like we here at CP do, it becomes a rarer and rarer occurrence that something truly blows our collective minds. A botched drug test here, a DWI/Domestic Assault arrest here — none of these things really surprise us in the sense that they are completely unheard news stories. Rather, it is often the whos and whats of a given case that give us food for thought. In other words, it is not everyday that we are treated to a rampage across Southern California that really makes us sit back and ponder the peculiarity of a given situation.
Today is one of those days, Potato Nation.
For you see, our buddies at Fightlinker managed to come across a story originally reported by Sportsnet’s Joe Ferraro that involved Canada’s ever-budding amatuer mixed martial arts scene, and we felt the need to pass it along.
But first, a little backstory. For those of you keeping track, Ontario did not legalize mixed martial arts until the beginning of 2011, but the Ontarian (yes, that’s what they call themselves) response was overwhelmingly positive. UFC 129 became the fastest selling card in UFC History, selling over 55,000 tickets in just over two days. We’re talking about a card that had Jake f’ing Shieldzzzzz in the main event, people. The UFC returned to Ontario at UFC 140, and in both occasions, saw the usual mix of enthusiastic and knowledgeable fans in attendance, something that cannot be said for many other venues.
So one would think that when it came to determining a set of rules for which amateur MMA would be governed by, Ontario would have more than an infinitesimal inkling as to how the sport they loved so much was run. You would be wrong. So, very, very wrong.
First, let’s take a look at some of the more glaring observations that Ferraro made when looking through Ontario’s AMMA rulebook:
– MMA has seven weight classes. This group believes amateur MMA should have 12.
– I do not believe MMA should ever consider using standing eight counts, like they do in boxing or kickboxing. This organization believes amateur MMA should use standing eight counts.
– If you land a “Jump Kick to (the) Head,” you are awarded three points. “Jump Kick to (the) body” will garner you two points.
If you have not figured it out yet, by looking at the link to the rules above, yes, the organization that runs the sport of amateur MMA in the province is Kickboxing Ontario, as well as, Kickboxing Canada, aka CASK (Council of Amateur Sport Kickboxing). And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, but what they are doing can and should be modified to better reflect amateur MMA, and not kickboxing.
After reading over the rulebook myself, I found that the classes outside of the standard seven in MMA include Light Bantam, Light Welter, Light Middle, Cruiser, and Super Heavy, which is fine if that’s what Ontario wants to do. It’s a tad ridiculous considering that these weight classes will only exist at one place in the world, but if Ontario wants to add Rumbleweight, Franklinweight, and Moneyweight to their rankings, fine.
But then my eyes passed over the phrase “standing eight counts.” In MMA. If the very thought of that concept filled you with a sense of constipated, sickening anxiety and befuddlement, then you are not alone. Aside from being the main argument *against* boxing pundits beliefs that MMA is more dangerous than boxing, it makes about as much sense as a screen door on a submarine. How does one enact an eight count in a sport where a fighter is allowed to follow his opponent to the canvas to finish him off, or possibly work for a submission? Perhaps this is why MMA rules and regulation shouldn’t be, as Ferraro pointed out, run by a kickboxing organization. At least if they are not even going to attempt and understand the sport they have been put in charge of.
And don’t even get us started on this “Jump Kick to (the) Head” scoring bullshit. According to those rules, Edson Barboza would have walked away from UFC 142 with not only his FOTN and KOTN bonus, but a promotion, a new car, and a lifetime supply of Plinko chips.
Now let’s move on to some of the observations made by Ferraro at the amateur MMA event itself, the first of which took place the day before he even arrived. Warning: you may come away from this with a newfound respect for Steve Mazzagatti and Kim Winslow:
When I arrived at the venue on Sunday morning, even before I walked in I received a phone call from two concerned (and bitter) coaches, whose experiences the day before were extremely disappointing. To make a long story short, they watched a bout where a fighter dominated his opponent, knocked him down to the ground and when he went to finish him off, his opponent pulled his arm inside and held him tight. The referee apparently stopped the bout and gave the win to the bottom fighter, for a “near submission.” Apparently, all hell nearly broke lose.
Having instigated more than a few montage-interrupting riots, food fights, and full on tribal wars in my day, I can say that in this occasion, a retaliation of Brobdingnagian proportions would have been justified. Let’s continue:
Back to paying attention to the action, where my heart sunk as I watched what the aforementioned coaches and athletes all said would take place. Things like during the bout taking place at 10:45 a.m., the referee halted the action and stood the competitors up (apologies, as I was unable to retrieve their names) so one of them could adjust his headgear. I have no issue with that, but when the bout was restarted, it was done so in the standup and NOT where it should have been restarted — on the ground.
The same thing took place during the bout taking place at 11:17 a.m., where the two competitors were stood up and restarted after grappling themselves out of bounds. During the bout at 11:24 a.m., one fighter submitted his opponent. I saw the tap. But the referee stood them up and they began competing again. Another tap, another standup, another restart.
(I later found out that this is “how it is.” A submission ends the round, and the next round commences. I later discovered, but was unable to confirm, that one competitor earned two submissions, but lost round three. The tally from the scorecards had him losing the bout. Preposterous? For the average folk, yes. Knowing what I know, it is “how it is.”)
I actually walked away during this bout, as two minutes later, at 11:26 a.m., unlike the description in its Rules and Regulations, the “safety zone” was not present around the competition area. One competitor executed a double leg takedown on the perimeter, finishing off the technique on the concrete floor. Now I have held tournaments in the past. I have promoted MMA in and outside of a cage. I have been a part of and witnessed hundreds upon hundreds of grappling and MMA events, but this was a first. A scary one, but it paled in comparison to what ended my day.
I actually returned a few hours later to the very area where I was scared for the safety of the two competitors. Next to the mats was a ring where “K-1 Rules” bouts were taking place. I watched in sheer horror as one competitor knocked out his opponent, who stiffened up in mid-air and landed like a two-by-four onto the mat.
He lay there motionless as I waited for the referee to tend to his safety. Instead (and I do not fully blame her as she has surely not been trained and certified CORRECTLY), the ref simply made sure that the one fighter remained in the neutral corner, while conducting an eight count… ON A FIGHTER WHO WAS OUT COLD. We cringed as the youngster lay motionless for the better part of 20 seconds and I had enough… I made my way to the barricade but stopped when I saw the paramedics enter the ring, albeit with no sense of urgency. Again, I had enough and left.
As a huge proponent of amateur MMA, and amateur combat sports in general, I must say that this is nothing short of horrifying to come across. For Christ’s sake, Michael Vick treated his dogs with more care and understanding than the so-called “officials” of a sport that, while ever-improving in its safety (except for in Ontario, of course), has proven that it can still be deadly if the correct procedures are not followed, and even when they are. Unbelievable.
As Ferraro also concluded, although it is great to see any new region accept MMA, doing so in this seemingly rushed, incoherent fashion is not only blindingly stupid for everyone involved, but a serious threat to the safety of those who choose to participate. Those in charge of this unnamed organization best make some changes before holding another event, or it is going to be all too clear who to blame when the worst case scenario plays out.
As painful as the UFC post-fight press conferences are to sit though, you sure do learn (or at least get teased with) some vital information about the future of the organization. Stuff like: Dana White saying that he doesn’t want to deal with Alistair Overeem because “he sat in front of us . . . . Lied to us.” There is an entire horse meat story waiting to be written by Josh Hutchinson on that, but I am talking about good juicy TMZ’esque gossip shit. The Overeem issue is kind of news but it was overshadowed by another series of questions asked.
Because there was not a camera pointed at the media members, I am not certain it wasAriel Helwani – but I am pretty damn positive – who asked the most intriguing questions of the night. I AM sure that there are not a lot of guys that (sound like a baritone-polite-Mogwai and) have the stones to ask the necessary questions – but big props to Helwani if it was in fact him.
(Who has 2 index fingers and knows how to make a lot of money?)
As painful as the UFC post-fight press conferences are to sit though, you sure do learn (or at least get teased with) some vital information about the future of the organization. Stuff like: Dana White saying that he doesn’t want to deal with Alistair Overeem because “he sat in front of us . . . . Lied to us.” There is an entire horse meat story waiting to be written by Josh Hutchinson on that, but I am talking about good juicy TMZ’esque gossip shit. The Overeem issue is kind of news but it was overshadowed by another series of questions asked.
Because there was not a camera pointed at the media members, I am not certain it wasAriel Helwani – but I am pretty damn positive – who asked the most intriguing questions of the night. I AM sure that there are not a lot of guys that (sound like a baritone-polite-Mogwai and) have the stones to ask the necessary questions – but big props to Helwani if it was in fact him.
If you wanna see Dana White show a giant shit-eating-grin (even bigger than karmaatemycat’s during the Barbosa vs. Varner fight), follow along HERE at the 13:25 mark.
Possibly Probably Helwani – “A lot of people were very surprised to see Brock Lesnar – he wasn’t a guy that would come to fights when he was a member of the UFC . . . . .” (interrupted by) Dana White – “You got that right . . . . right?” PPH – “What was he doing here?” DW – “I don’t know. Apparently now he is a big fan” Helwani – “Is there anything more to that?” DW – “Ya.” PPH – “Anything that you’d like to share?” DW – “No. He was here. I mean, I think that says it all.” PPH – “Is there a chance that he may come back?” DW – “Possibly, ya.” PPH – “So you have talked to him about this?” DW – “No.”
Well, thanks for fucking nothing . . . . kind of.
The fact that both HeavyWeight Champion Junior Dos Santos and defeated foe Frank Mir are in the screen shot during the encounter is absolutely priceless. Cigano laughs during the questioning while Mir and his swollen face stare into outer space. Brock was probably there in hopes that Mir would somehow defeat JDS and then he could come back to the UFC for a third match against Frank. Clearly that shit didn’t materialize. Now, since the questions have been asked, does anybody really think that Brock wants to come back to face the killers in the HW division, much less JDS? We already know that ”COCK CHESTNAR” (thanks dranokills) doesn’t like getting hit in the face or kicked in the body. Is there anyone out there that thinks this just reeks of “sports entertainment” nonsense? It has happened before.
Open the proverbial flood gates of endless speculation.
