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5 MMA Fighters Who Left at the Right Time

(One of these men is on this list. The other one continues to jerk us around. / Photo via Getty)

Following Anderson Silva’s devastating leg-break against Chris Weidman at UFC 168, many observers hoped that one of the greatest fighters of all time would decide to retire in order to spend time with his family and count all of the “Anderson Silva money” he’s earned from fighting. Hell, even Silva’s son was hoping he would hang his gloves up. But following successful surgery, Silva has expressed his desire to return to the cage. Hopefully this is not the case. Silva has nothing left to accomplish in the sport, and at 38 years old, he would be facing a steep uphill battle to recover and earn back his belt.

Choosing to walk away from a long, fruitful MMA career is not an easy decision. Most fighters continue to compete long after they should have walked away. Nevertheless, every once in a while, an astute fighter realizes that their best days are behind them, and they decide to leave the sport for greener pastures. The following list is a tribute to five fighters who decided to leave MMA at the right time.

(Photo via Esther Lin/MMAFighting)

Georges St-Pierre recently decided to leave the sport of MMA for an undetermined amount of time. The reason why GSP’s decision to vacate his welterweight title is so incredible is because it’s so rare to see athletes leave at the top of their game. We’re used to dominant athletes staying too long, unable to give up the roar of the crowd and the lure of the paycheck. The list of accomplishments on GSP’s resume is long, varied and practically unparalleled in the sport of MMA. His in-cage achievements make him a legitimate candidate for the greatest of all time, with only fighters like Anderson Silva and Fedor Emeliananko even worthy of being mentioned in the same breath.

(One of these men is on this list. The other one continues to jerk us around. / Photo via Getty)

By Mark Dorsey

(Photo via Esther Lin/MMAFighting)

During his career, GSP won the belt off the previous “most dominant Welterweight on the planet” and then went on to face every single 170-pound challenger to his belt. To borrow a phrase from Joe Rogan, St-Pierre faced a “murderer’s row” of contenders including Matt Hughes, Josh Koscheck, BJ Penn, Thiago Alves, Carlos Condit, Nick Diaz, and Johny Hendricks. And it’s not as though he left the sport with a slew of guys who hadn’t yet had the chance to try and beat him. He gave all comers their opportunity and beat them all. Whether you like it or not, he even won his final match. He may have been clearly beaten up, but he won 3 of the 5 rounds and, according to the 10-point must system, that makes him the winner.

The reason why vacating the title is the right move for GSP is because he left the sport on his own terms. The multiple-time Canadian Athlete of the Year has done nearly everything any mainstream athlete ever could to maximize his earnings outside of the court of play. He has appeared on reality TV — as a coach on TUF — has already appeared in two films, and will portray the villain in the new Captain America movie. He also has huge endorsements, is a best-selling author, a fitness guru, and a certified ladies man. That, my friends, is why GSP is not only one of the greatest fighters ever…he is also one of the smartest.

(Lytle slugs it out with fellow recent-retiree Paul Taylor. / Photo via MMAWeekly)

Throughout his long career, Chris “Lights Out” Lytle was a technically proficient fighter but he employed a fan-friendly style of brawling that pleased both fans and the UFC brass alike. Lytle ended his career in the UFC having won five of his last six fights, so when he announced his retirement in 2011 — prior to his main-event fight against Dan Hardy at UFC on Versus 5 — many fans were shocked. That night, Lytle submitted Hardy, something that even then-champion GSP couldn’t do. The performance earned him Fight of the Night and Submission of the night bonuses and he celebrated the moment by bringing his kids into the Octagon. It was an emotional ending to an incredible 54-fight career that saw him earn 10 “Of the Night” bonuses, including an unofficial 11^th one for his submission over Matt Brown (the actual bonus went to the Brock Lesnar).

Lytle fought for many of the top MMA promotions around the world including Cage Rage, Pancrase, IFL, WEC, and UFC. Incredibly he was never submitted or knocked out in his entire 54-fight career. When Lytle was cast on The Ultimate Fighter 4: The Comeback season, he was already well-known to hardcore fans, but it was the reality show that introduced him to mainstream fans and earned him a reputation as a gritty fighter and all-around good guy. In the final, Lytle lost a decision to Matt Serra, but it was close and one judge even gave him the fight 30-27. Even though he lost that fight, he did manage to beat Serra in a rematch.

Part of Lytle’s blue-collar appeal can be attributed to the fact that while training and fighting he also worked full-time as a firefighter at the Indianapolis Fire Department. He was also highly involved in the local community, running for the Indiana State Senate in 2012 and establishing a charity for at-risk youth. In late 2013, Lytle indicated that he could be lured back to the UFC — with his wife’s approval no less — for a big paycheck so that his family could finally “get that lake house.” Still training and sparring, Lytle said he’d be willing to come back for a short notice fight against a Nick Diaz-type fighter, as long as it didn’t require a long, arduous and time-consuming training camp. Whether or not a comeback ever happens, Lytle had a storybook ending to his illustrious MMA career. His decision to retire wasn’t about chronic injuries or declining ability; it was about other obligations and wanting to spend more time with his family. It’s a lesson that up-and-coming fighters should take note of.

(Photo via Getty)

Brian “All-American” Stann may have ended his career going 1-3, but this isn’t a list about fighters who ended on a winning streak; it’s about fighters who realized they had nothing left to prove and left the sport for longer-lasting pursuits, which is exactly why Stann deserves to be on this list. Besides, it’s not as though Stann’s final losses were against scrubs; they were against some of the best middleweights to ever enter the Octagon, including Wanderlei Silva, Chael Sonnen, and Michael Bisping.

Stann was the type of fighter who struggled against top-10 fighters but easily disposed of the mid-tier fighters. Personable and a favorite of the UFC brass, he certainly could have competed in the UFC for a long time as a gatekeeper for the middleweight division. But Stann was too smart to fall into that life. He has more going on outside of the fight game than most fighters, and he chose to capitalize on his non-fighting skills rather than being resigned to “perennial contender” status. As far as a life outside of fighting, Stann is best known as being a Silver Star U.S. Marine who served in Iraq. Currently, he runs a non-profit, called Hire Heroes, for U.S. military veterans to find work, and acts as a commentator for both the UFC on Fox and Atlantic Coast Conference football games. He has also authored a book about his life in and out of the cage.

Stann is now retired, focusing on broadcasting, his charitable endeavors and family. When he announced his departure from MMA, Stann stated it was because he has three young daughters and he didn’t want to risk brain injury after years of football, MMA and explosions in combat. He left the game with some hardware — he won the WEC Light Heavyweight Championship — and his final bout against Wanderlei Silva was one of the most thrilling UFC fights of all time. Silva called their two-round war, at the UFC’s return to Japan in March 2013, one of the best fights of his career, which is incredible considering the wars that Silva has been in. Stann may not have ended his career on a win but that fight cemented his legacy as a warrior who will be fondly remembered by fight fans.

On the next page: The first “Face of WMMA,” the “Engineer of Pain,” and five honorable mentions…

CagePotato.com Presents: The 2013 Potato Awards

(These are the UFC’s two most bankable stars heading into 2014. Deal with it.)

2013: The year that testosterone became Public Enemy #1 and legends went out the door — either voluntarily or on stretchers. Like all years in this still-young, still-dangerous sport, 2013 reminded us why MMA continues to hold our attention, with its thrilling battles, LOL-worthy embarrassments, and train-wrecks of the human and promotional varieties. And so, the CagePotato staff bids farewell to 2013 with another round of dubious “awards,” recapping the highs and lows of the last 12 months. For better or worse, this is the crap that stood out. Use the page links below to navigate through our somewhat-chronological list of 30 award-categories, and Happy New Year to all of you lovely people!

Page 1: Submission of the Year, Greatest MMA Play-by-Play Call of the Year, The Krazy Horse Bennett Arrest of the Year Award / Most Bizarre News Story of the Year, Knockout of the Year

Page 2: Greatest Fight Canceled Due to Injury, Greatest Unsanctioned Fight of the Year, Worst Event of the Year, Best Female Newcomer

Page 3: Worst Fight of the Year, The Cecil Peoples Shittiest Decision of the Year Award, Comeback Fighter of the Year, Worst Use of Social Media

Page 4: “WTF?” Moment of the Year, Greatest Hype-Deflation, The “Really? You’re Just Gonna Keep Doing That Shit That Gets You in All That Trouble?” Award (a.k.a. “The Koppenhaver”), Comeback Fight of the Year

Page 5: Most Embarrassing Knockout of the Year, Failed Propaganda of the Year, Fight of the Year, Photo of the Year

Page 6: The Inaugural Kalib Starnes Award for Outstanding Cowardice in Battle, Media Shill of the Year, Best Event of the Year, Worst Performance in a Drug Test

Page 7: The Dana White Crazy Freakout of the Year Award, Catchphrase of the Year, The Steve Nelmark Memorial “Is He Dead?” Award, Most Awkward Interview

Page 8: Gnarliest Injury of the Year, MMA Fail of the Year

(These are the UFC’s two most bankable stars heading into 2014. Deal with it.)

Page 1: Submission of the Year, Greatest MMA Play-by-Play Call of the Year, The Krazy Horse Bennett Arrest of the Year Award / Most Bizarre News Story of the Year, Knockout of the Year

Page 2: Greatest Fight Canceled Due to Injury, Greatest Unsanctioned Fight of the Year, Worst Event of the Year, Best Female Newcomer

Page 3: Worst Fight of the Year, The Cecil Peoples Shittiest Decision of the Year Award, Comeback Fighter of the Year, Worst Use of Social Media

Page 5: Most Embarrassing Knockout of the Year, Failed Propaganda of the Year, Fight of the Year, Photo of the Year

Page 6: The Inaugural Kalib Starnes Award for Outstanding Cowardice in Battle, Media Shill of the Year, Best Event of the Year, Worst Performance in a Drug Test

Page 7: The Dana White Crazy Freakout of the Year Award, Catchphrase of the Year, The Steve Nelmark Memorial “Is He Dead?” Award, Most Awkward Interview

Page 8: Gnarliest Injury of the Year, MMA Fail of the Year

Submission of the Year: Olivier Fontaine’s Hurricane Armbar (2/9/13)

Without any flashy submission finishes in any of the major MMA organizations, CagePotato had to travel to France to find this year’s best sub.

In February, Olivier Fontaine entered a Lyon Fighting Challenge ring as an unknown. With zero submission victories on his unimpressive 3-2 record, nobody could have expected the French welterweight to pull off one of the most spectacular subs we’ve ever seen.

The first two minutes of his bout against Sofian Benchohra suggested that it would play out like your average standup battle. Fontaine and Benchohra circled each other, exchanging strikes and feeling one another out. When a lazy kick was caught by Benchohra, Fontaine stumbled around on one foot trying to keep his balance. What happened next was unprecedented.

With one foot suspended, Fontaine propelled his entire body around the head of his opponent before swinging back towards the mat and locking up his opponent’s arm, subsequently forcing the tap. It was an unbelievable submission, something never before seen in the sport and unlikely to ever be repeated. It looked more like something Tony Jaa or Jet Li might choreograph for one of their action flicks than something that could happen in a real life fight.

Even if Fontaine never amounts to anything in MMA (evidence suggests this is the most likely scenario), he can take pride in the fact that he won a Potato Award for Submission of the Year. Hooray? – Shawn Smith

Honorable mention: Rose Namajunas hitting a flying armbar of her own in just 12 seconds against Kathina Catron at Invicta 5 in April — while decked out in CagePotato logos.

Greatest MMA Play-by-Play Call of the Year (And Possibly of the Decade): Michael Schiavello Has a Few Things to Say About His Anus (3/22/13)

In case you were confused the first time you saw this, let’s be perfectly clear: This is not unintentional comedy. Michael Schiavello is a master of the combat sports one-liner, and he knew exactly what he was doing here. A fighter whose last name sounds like “my anus” is a fastball down the middle for The Voice, and he is going to knock that fucker out of the park every time. Even the usually-stoic Pat Miletich can’t help breaking into giggles as he delivers the line “Mainus is bleeding all over Chavez’s chest.” In the end, Mainus was screwed by the judges, losing a split decision. See? Hilarious! – Ben Goldstein

The Krazy Horse Bennett Arrest of the Year Award / Most Bizarre MMA News Story of the Year: Charles Rowan Fakes Own Death, Robs Gun Store With a Hammer

(Mugshots via Yahoo!)

Despite Jason “Mayhem” Miller‘s best efforts, neither of these awards was even close. In what reads like something out of a Hollywood screenplay, ~~middling~~ terrible heavyweight fighter Charlie Rowan died in a car crash then proceeded to posthumously rob a gun store with a hammer (successfully!) in order to pay off an $80,000 debt to a local drug dealer. Rowan, who had faked his death — duh — and even listened to his own “wake” while hiding upstairs in an attic, was apprehended shortly thereafter along with his girlfriend Rosalinda Martinez. Rowan was sentenced to 17 to 40 years in prison, but not before pissing off the entire local MMA community in Traverse City, Michigan, which had gone out of its way to hold fundraisers for his parents and girlfriend. (And presumably, the drug dealer is still out $80,000. Poor guy.) To Rowan’s credit, he was able to score a feature article in the New York Times and — more importantly — two Potato awards to his name. – George Shunick

Honorable mentions: Josh Rosenthal catches three years in prison for running a $6,000,000 pot ring, Mayhem Miller’s endless string of arrests, Donald Cerrone’s boat rage incident, Reza Madadi’s handbag caper

Knockout of the Year: Vitor Belfort vs. Luke Rockhold at UFC on FX 8 (5/18/13)

When it comes down to choosing Knockout of the Year in 2013 in MMA, there are really only two options to consider: Chris Weidman’s stunning KO of Anderson Silva in the main event of UFC 162, and Vitor Belfort’s spinning heel kick KO of Luke Rockhold at UFC on FX 8. And choosing one or the other just depends on if you favor significance or flash.

If you choose Weidman’s KO of Silva, you’re taking the significance of the moment into account more than the uniqueness of the knockout. After all, Silva was the long-reigning champion of the UFC middleweight division and had gone nearly 40 fights in his career without being knocked out, so for Weidman to enter the Octagon that night and exit with the title based off a KO that absolutely no one in the MMA world saw coming, it was nothing short of amazing.

Then again, it was just a simple left hook landed on a guy who had his hands by his waist. Removed from its context, there wasn’t really anything flashy or explosive about it. And that’s why I’m going to choose Belfort over Rockhold — perhaps controversially — for my pick for Knockout of the Year in 2013.

We all knew Belfort had vicious KO power in his hands, but it wasn’t until 2013 that we all realized he had KO power in his legs, too. Despite being one of the premier knockout artists in the history of the sport, Belfort had never scored a head kick knockout despite competing in 31 career pro fights before this year. In fact, out of Belfort’s 14 knockout wins prior to 2013, all 14 of them came via his fists.

So when he took on Michael Bisping at UFC on FX 7 and finished the Count with a flush high kick right to Bisping’s skull, we figured that might be the only time Belfort would land a highlight-reel head kick KO for the rest of his career; he’s 36 years old, after all. But it certainly wasn’t, because in his next fight against Rockhold, he not only landed a head kick KO, but he managed to top his stoppage of Bisping with one of the most stunning finishes ever seen in the sport of mixed martial arts.

Shockingly, Belfort was actually the underdog in his fight against Rockhold, who was making his Octagon debut at UFC on FX 8 as the last-ever Strikeforce middleweight champion. Many sharp observers of the sport believed that Rockhold — with his natural gifts of size, strength, length, and athleticism, and a learned skillset of great wrestling, BJJ and striking — would come into Brazil and wear out Belfort over the course of five rounds and get the W. Factoring in his superior gas tank, as well as the fact he’s much younger than Belfort, it was hard to disagree with that line of thinking.

Although Belfort had tried the spinning heel kick early in the fight with Rockhold, he missed badly. It seemed unlikely that he’d throw it again, and virtually impossible that he would actually land it flush on Rockhold’s face. But he did just that, and just 2:32 into the first round of a five-round fight, Rockhold was knocked to the ground with one of the most vicious, unpredictable strikes ever seen in a mixed martial arts cage, and then quickly finished off with some brutal ground and pound.

With the win, Belfort became the first fighter in UFC history to win two fights in a row via head kick KO. He also became the poster boy for Testosterone Replacement Therapy (TRT), and while I do think it’s insane that a past steroid user like Belfort is allowed to use TRT, the fact of the matter is he is not breaking any of the sport’s existing rules and he shouldn’t be penalized for a loophole created by athletic commissions. That’s why I have no problem giving him the Knockout of the Year Potato Award, even though I know many others believe the TRT taints his year.

Now 36 years old, Belfort looks like he’s in his fighting prime, and will challenge Chris Weidman for the UFC middleweight title sometime in 2014. Can he possibly top what he did to Rockhold in his fight against the All-American? After his latest head kick KO — yes, another one — of iron-chinned Dan Henderson in November, I wouldn’t put anything past the Phenom at this point. – Adam Martin

UFC Website Lists Continued PPV Price Hike for UFC 169, 170

UPDATE: A UFC representative contacted Bleacher Report and noted that the UFC.tv price listing is a mistake. Pay per view prices will go back to the normal $54.95 listing following UFC 168. When a $5 price hike was announced for UFC 168—taking it from the normal $54.95 to $59.95—fans of the promotion were up […]

Five Obvious but Overlooked Things Fans Need to Remember About the UFC

(Just keep repeating to yourself, “Nobody’s making me watch this…nobody’s making me watch this…nobody’s making me watch this…”)

By Matt Saccaro

The UFC has come under fire lately for several reasons: Declining numbers, oversaturation, the fading of their stars, launching a digital network with a questionable premise, not hiring Ben Askren and so on. When we fling insults at the UFC, we need to remember a few things about the company in order to put these negative occurrences and circumstances into perspective. Let’s start with the most obvious but frequently-ignored point:

1. The UFC is a business.

The purpose of the UFC is to make its owners money. The UFC does not exist to feed fighters’ families. There’s not much else to say on this front. Companies have to make money to be viable. Yeah, it sucks that some guys get paid an absurdly small amount of money for what they do, and it sucks that the UFC is upping the PPV price.

That’s just something we have to deal with though. If you don’t like it, vote with your dollar. If enough people tune out, Zuffa’s wallet will know and they’ll either change their tune accordingly or lose money.

2. The UFC is an international company.

There’s been talk about the UFC hiring unfit-for-television jobbers lately. It’s true but necessary. The UFC is headed to distant lands where MMA is in its most nascent stages. The talent pool in these places is more like a mud puddle. The UFC has to work with what it’s given in China and Singapore. Deepening foreign talent pools can only happen by growing the sport overseas, and growing the sport overseas can only happen when they have foreign (foreign to us, home grown to them) fighters on the card. And since there aren’t many great foreign fighters, the UFC has to scrape the bottom of a very empty barrel. This results in fighters getting a place in the “Super Bowl of MMA” who shouldn’t even be in the bleachers, let alone on the field.

(Just keep repeating to yourself, “Nobody’s making me watch this…nobody’s making me watch this…nobody’s making me watch this…”)

By Matt Saccaro

1. The UFC is a business.

2. The UFC is an international company.

Furthermore, these fighters — guys like Royston Wee — aren’t meant for us North Americans. The fights on the UFC’s digital network aren’t meant for us either. They’re meant for other markets. It’s fun to take potshots at the UFC for the terrible card quality on the digital network, but it’s a wanking contest. It’s like willfully eating someone else’s dinner and then complaining it wasn’t what you ordered. Zuffa knows we don’t give a fuck about low-level fighters in countries with a non-developed MMA ecosystem. That’s why they’re not airing events packed with those fighters in the US (unless you choose to watch them).

3. Nobody is forcing you to buy every PPV or watch every free card.

If you don’t like a PPV card, don’t buy it and check out the post-event GIFs on ~~the UG~~ r/MMA the next morning.

If you don’t like a Fight Night or TUF Finale card, don’t watch it and check out the post-event GIFs on r/MMA the next morning.

There’s no need to complain about card quality if you’re a fan. Dana White isn’t putting a gun to your head and making you slide out the credit card. Subjection to a watered-down, awful PPV is self-inflicted.

“But I want to watch ALL the fights!” Well, that’s your problem. Free MMA is not a right. Besides, I’m sure you’re the kind of person who’ll find another way to watch the PPV that’s of dubious legality. Ironically, you’re probably the kind of person who complains about fighter pay while stealing from fighters…

4. The UFC is sports entertainment.

There exists a sport that’s pure competition with no entertainment-enhancing aspects to it whatsoever. It’s called amateur wrestling and nobody watches it.

The UFC is not amateur wrestling. The UFC is not a sport; it’s sports entertainment.

There’s no competitive architecture (no, the laughable official UFC rankings — a gimmick to keep non-UFC fighters out of Internet arguments — don’t count). Skill is secondary to star power. The UFC has never been about pitting the two best fighters in the world against one another. It’s been about booking the fights that will draw the most money. This is hardly a novel concept yet so many MMA fans are in ridiculous, quite frankly embarrassing, denial of it. They think that if the UFC is sports entertainment then that somehow makes them as bad as a professional wrestling fan — a “loser” who watches a soap opera meant for prepubescent boys.

No amount of insecurity-fueled rejection can counteract the facts. If the UFC wasn’t sports entertainment, they’d have signed Ben Askren. They’d have never let James Toney, Brock Lesnar, or Kimbo Slice (dis)grace the Octagon. They’d have never given Chael Sonnen, Nick Diaz, or Frankie Edgar title shots coming off losses. They’d have let the fights and fighters shine over obnoxious figurehead ~~Vince McMahon~~ Dana White.

And, of course, there’s the manufactured hype in between fights: “We said all the trash talk just to sell the fight.”

We all watch real fighting with fake, pro-wrestling storylines. It’s called the UFC.

5. The UFC is only 20 years old, they’re not supposed to have their shit together yet.

Whenever the UFC is compared to boxing it’s usually cringeworthy—something like saying two Facebook prelim tomato cans are the MMA equivalents of legendary boxers. One aspect that makes sense to compare, however, is longevity.

Boxing has been a popular sport since time immemorial. The UFC has only been around for 20 years. Yes, MMA in the forms of Pankration and Vale Tudo have been around for a while, but the majority of people don’t know about that and don’t care either; Pankration might as well be a liver disease to them. All they know is “UFC” and boxing. The UFC is new and frightening and weird. People roll around on the floor and cut each other with elbows and knees. They bend each other’s arms the wrong way. Boxing is safe and traditional. Fighters only smash brains into shriveled sponges with punches, so it’s acceptable. This is how people think. Children were even banned from a UFC show in Germany! MMA is still outlawed in New York and use of the cage, MMA’s most recognizable symbol, is banned in parts of Australia.

The UFC, at only 20 years old, has tons of ground to cover, and many issues to sort out. Like an angsty college kid, the UFC is still mapping its future. The path will be littered with both successes and failures.

GSP Does Better Than Finish Fights, He Finishes Careers

(When he’s not lifting five-pound dumbbells, he’s ruining careers. / Image courtesy of GSP RUSHFIT)

By Nathan Smith

I know what a lot of you were thinking (and by “a lot” I mean nobody): Where is The12ozCurls with his obligatory fluffy, ball-washing post on Georges St. Pierre pertaining to his upcoming fight? Well, I hate to disappoint my dozens of CagePotato fans and Twitter followers (seriously, *bottom lip quivers* I got like 50) so I will give you what you want. What most of you want is more ammo to fire in my direction if/when GSP loses. And judging from the current CP Fight Picking Contest stats, a majority of you think Johny Hendricks is going to put my beloved Canadian to sleep on Saturday night. You are all entitled to your opinion no matter how wrong it might be.

Let me explain: GSP has dominated the welterweight division for the better part of a decade. He has systematically vanquished each foe with a combination of athleticism, technique, cardio and sound game-planning. There is no debating that. Yet most of the flat-billed hat-wearing mouth-breathing meatheads that scream “KNEEEEES!” whenever there is a clinch, constantly talk shit on GSP because he is a boring fighter that doesn’t finish (and because he is handsome . . . . really really handsome).

That is the knock on one of the greatest MMA fighters of all time—that he’s ambien personified—but upon further review, GSP has done far more long-term damage to his last 8 opponents than ending a fight via TKO or submission. He effectively sent their careers into the toilet, which is far worse than just knocking them out cold. All of the following fighters were the #1 contender for the UFC WW Championship but each one was sent packing like my ex-wife (What? Too soon?). I’ll start with all the fights after GSP kneed Matt Serra’s kidneys into oblivion and became the undisputed champ back at UFC 83.

Take a look at the first guy who’s career GSP derailed after the jump.

(Five-pound dumbbells are the secret to dominance. / Image courtesy of GSP RUSHFIT)

By Nathan Smith

Jon Fitch
Lost via UD at UFC 87
Record since = 7-3-1

(Image courtesty of MMAWeekly)

GSP’s victory over Fitch is the third most lopsided 5-round decision in UFC history. However, Fitch is one of the few that can boast a winning record since facing GSP, but those numbers are inflated. Much like the SEC football teams’ out-of-conference schedule, Fitch padded his stats. He has a positive record by essentially fighting B- to C+ fighters like Akihiro Gono, Paulo Thiago and Ben Saunders. That is not to say defeating a very game Erick Silva is not impressive, but then again, that was Fitch’s last fight in the UFC before getting choked unconscious in World Series of Fighting and then moving across the country for a training job at a start-up gym.

B.J. Penn
Lost via TKO (corner stoppage) at UFC 94
Record since = 3-4-1

During the Countdown special prior to his fight with GSP, Penn looked straight into the camera and said, “To the death Georges. To the death.” Well, thankfully for The Prodigy, his corner stopped the fight at the end of the 4th round or else he might very well be six feet under because he got his ass handed to him. Afterwards, Penn dropped back to lightweight and got a couple wins before running into Frankie Edgar. He then moved back to welterweight where he most recently got annihilated by Nick Diaz and Rory MacDonald. For his next trick (and probably his last), B.J. will try and make the featherweight limit as a coach on the next exciting installment of The Ultimate Fighter *yawn*.

Thiago Alves
Lost via UD at UFC 100
Record since = 2-3

(Image courtesy of SHERDOG)

Alves got taken down a total of 10 times during his contest with GSP. The feared striker didn’t come close to winning a round. He has beaten John Howard and Papy Abedi since November 2008. That is 2 wins in the last five fucking years. Sure, the injury bug has bitten him on more than a few occasions, but that is two wins in FIVE YEARS—a Tito Ortiz or Ken Shamrock level statistic! CagePotato was just an infant (with UFC credentials) five years ago and my liver did NOT look like a baked potato.

Dan Hardy
Lost via UD at UFC 111
Record since = 2-3

(Image courtesy of CombatLifestyle)

Yep, another clean sweep on the scorecards for GSP in this one but there were two times during the fight where Hardy was in severe danger of getting his arm snapped. To Hardy’s credit, he preserved through 25 minutes…but then he lost three consecutive fights afterwards. At least he had the honor of tapping to Chris Lytle during his Lights Out’s retirement fight. Wolff-Parkinson-White syndrome has sidelined Hardy for over a year and his career as a fighter is hazy at best.

Josh Koscheck
Lost via UD at 124
Record since = 2-2

(Image courtesy of MMAPro)

GSP jabbed Fraggle Rock’s face into a pulp en route to another 50-45 victory. Koscheck has always been a perennial contender but unless he catches lightning in a bottle, his best days are behind him. In his last fight Robbie Lawler sent him to dream land with a barrage of punches. I wonder what it is like for a notorious shit-talking virtuoso like Kos to walk around backstage at UFC 167 and have to see GSP, Johny Hendricks, AND Lawler—the last three men to beat him. Humbling, I suppose but I bet he still bumps his gums nonetheless.

Jake Shields
Lost via UD at UFC 129
Record since = 3-1-1

Shields conjured his inner Koscheck during his bout with GSP and went into unintentional eye-poke mode, which limited the champion’s vision for a majority of the fight. Even fighting with one peeper, GSP was able to easily outpoint Shields for 25 minutes. Though Shields is 3-1-1, he could just as easily be 1-3-1 because his last two fights were decided via split decision in his favor. He is a very good fighter who probably has a few years left in his career (provided California continues to approve medicinal marijuana) but he will never be champion.

Carlos Condit
Lost via UD at UFC 154
Record since = 1-1

(Image courtesy of CombatLifestyle)

Let’s be honest about two things right now. First, Condit had GSP really hurt for about 90 seconds and that was the only time that “The Natural Born Killer” held any advantage during the 25 minute affair. Secondly, Condit is the only name on this list that still has the potential to be the welterweight champion in the future. Though he is only batting .500 in his last two contests, Carlos Condit is a stud who could be the champ one day if/when GSP retires (or does something else). Until then, he is waiting in line.

Nick Diaz
Lost via UD at UFC 158
Record since = 0-0 RETIRED

Diaz finally got a shot at GSP and was thwarted by footwork, speed and wrestling. The destructor of all things bullshit then (as expected) acted like a petulant child, took his ball, went home, and retired. I can’t wait for 2014 to see if Nick decides to stop promoting his own fighting organization and start promoting his comeback fight (CAGEPOTATO BAN BE DAMNED).

There you have it. With the exception of Carlos Condit, there is not one guy on this list that is a “player” in the welterweight mix. Fitch is out of the UFC, while Penn is grasping at straws as he plays musical weight classes and prepares for a swan song. Thiago Alves needs a new mattress because his bed bugs have been cross-bred with injury bugs and Dan Hardy may never fight again due to his medical condition. Josh Koscheck is still a dickhead but now more of a gatekeeper than contender and the world awaits a global coma for the Jake Shields vs Ben Askren fight to get announced (although now that seems unlikely). That leaves us with Nick Diaz who is, well, Nick Diaz and there isn’t a thing anybody can do about it. Minus Condit, all of these men have seen their once prolific and ascending careers’ tailspin in recent years and there is only one thing that they ALL have in common: They were all dominated by GSP. Georges St. Pierre doesn’t end the fight inside the cage, he ends the fighter.

The 12 Greatest Ring Girls in UFC History, Ranked

(Edith and Arianny on the job, back when the phrase “GOD’S STREET SOLDIER” used to mean something. / Photo via CombatLifestyle.com)

When ranking the greatest UFC ring girls of all time, four criteria must be considered: looks, personality, longevity, and whether or not they ever posed nude for Playboy. (That last one is probably the most important.) So in honor of the UFC’s 20th anniversary, we decided to pay tribute to the unsung heroines of the Octagon, who bravely circle the cage in booty-shorts to remind drunken fans what round it is. Disagree with our list? Then let us know in the comments section, tough guy.

#12 & #11 (tie): Chrissy Blair and Vanessa Hanson

Chrissy and Vanessa both made their UFC ring girl debuts in 2011 after winning contests put on by Transworld, and were officially added to the Octagon Girl rotation earlier this year following a stint in Strikeforce. They’re kind of a package deal, and we can’t decide which one is more attractive, so we’ll let them share the leadoff spots on this list. (Honestly, the Betty and Veronica thing will never go out of style.) Chrissy and Vanessa were most recently seen earlier this month, supporting the troops.

For further viewing:
– Golden goddess
– The artsy black and white shot
– Long tall Chrissy
– She really ties the room together
– Coming undone
– A woman in uniform
– Strikeforce’s dynamic duo

#10: Jessica Cambensy

(Edith and Arianny on the job, back when the phrase “GOD’S STREET SOLDIER” used to mean something. / Photo via CombatLifestyle.com)

#12 & #11 (tie): Chrissy Blair and Vanessa Hanson

#10: Jessica Cambensy

Winner of the 2012 Potato Award for Best Female Newcomer, Jessica is part of the Octagon Girl crew for the UFC’s Asian events. The Chinese-Filipina-American model made her debut last November at UFC on FUEL 6: Franklin vs. Le, and will hopefully show up to rescue the UFC’s garbage-ass Singapore card in January.

For further viewing:
– Cosplay: You’re doing it right
– Pure beauty
– Kissy face
– Leopard print
– More cosplay, just because

#9: Jhenny Andrade

Meanwhile in South America, Jhenny Andrade has stood out as the most impressive local Octagon Girl in a pool that already includes such beauties as Aline Franzoi and Camila Oliveira. The Sao Paulo-bred model first showed up at UFC 163 in August, and has held round-cards at UFC events on a monthly basis since then. The sky’s the limit for this young Brazilian phenom.

For further viewing:
– *hnnnngg*
– Our lips are sealed
– She wears it well
– Falling off the bed
– Who’s there? [NSFW-ish]

#8. Holly Madison

Maybe it’s cheating to include a woman who only appeared as a UFC ring girl twice and has already retired from the game. But the blonde bombshell and reality TV star certainly made a lasting impression when she showed up for guest Octagon Girl performances at UFC 100 and UFC 125. And yes, she’s posed nude for Playboy. Like, lots of times. If you don’t believe me, ask the Internet.

For further viewing:
– Best PETA ad ever
– Insufficient coverage
– Posing by the pool
– Arm-candy Hall of Fame
– Naughty gnome

#7. Logan Stanton

The German-Japanese model from Niceville made her UFC debut in December 2008, and quickly stole our hearts with her winning smile, quirky laugh, and craft projects. Unfortunately, she was fired a year later without explanation. (See also: Natasha Wicks.) Since then, Logan has booked countless modeling gigs and co-founded a jewelry line, but other than a cameo appearance at UFC 149 last July, Logan has put down the round cards for good.

For further viewing:
– Fist-posing in her ring girl uniform
– The reverse angle
– More bikini goodness
– The classic mirror-selfie
– Black-and-white, clothing optional

Hit that “next page” link to see the Top 6…

Tag: lists