As you all no doubt have heard, the International Olympic Committee has decreed that wrestling is no longer worthy of a place in the Summer Games, in order to make way for other, more lucrative events. I tell you now that this decision is the worst kind of folly, made for the worst reasons possible. I won’t rail about the corruption in the IOC, or the nepotism and naked commercialism that seems to hold sway in any of their decisions. I will point out that kicking wrestling out of the Olympics does seem rather…historically disconnected.
On the other hand, it’s possible that this is only a con from the IOC in order to drum up support (read: money) to get wrestling back into the Olympic arena where it belongs.
In any case, here is a list of ten sports that should be rightly removed from the Games, even if we weren’t talking about making room for an original Olympic event. Let’s just cut all this extra fat, and strip the Olympics down to the more raw athletic events. (And gymnastics. You have to keep gymnastics.)
The Modern Pentathlon
This was the ass-backwards event that everyone with a brain in their head assumed would get the axe, for two reasons. First, it’s an oddball series of activities based on an archaic skill set — cavalry officers still ride horses? — that is no longer relevant. Second, it’s redundant: Take this away, and athletes could still do the triathlon. Or the decathlon. Or just, you know, pick an event instead of being a scatterbrained dipshit.
Table Tennis
As you all no doubt have heard, the International Olympic Committee has decreed that wrestling is no longer worthy of a place in the Summer Games, in order to make way for other, more lucrative events. I tell you now that this decision is the worst kind of folly, made for the worst reasons possible. I won’t rail about the corruption in the IOC, or the nepotism and naked commercialism that seems to hold sway in any of their decisions. I will point out that kicking wrestling out of the Olympics does seem rather…historically disconnected.
On the other hand, it’s possible that this is only a con from the IOC in order to drum up support (read: money) to get wrestling back into the Olympic arena where it belongs.
In any case, here is a list of ten sports that should be rightly removed from the Games, even if we weren’t talking about making room for an original Olympic event. Let’s just cut all this extra fat, and strip the Olympics down to the more raw athletic events. (And gymnastics. You have to keep gymnastics.)
The Modern Pentathlon
This was the ass-backwards event that everyone with a brain in their head assumed would get the axe, for two reasons. First, it’s an oddball series of activities based on an archaic skill set — cavalry officers still ride horses? — that is no longer relevant. Second, it’s redundant: Take this away, and athletes could still do the triathlon. Or the decathlon. Or just, you know, pick an event instead of being a scatterbrained dipshit.
Table Tennis
First of all: It’s fucking ping pong. You want to get pissy because your “sport” doesn’t sound butch enough? I’m not entirely sure that “table tennis” is upping the intimidation factor, broseph. Secondly, dude, do you really need a sweatband to play? I understand that it takes laser-tuned hand-eye coordination and twitch reflexes, but you’re not fooling anyone into thinking you’re an elite athlete. It doesn’t work for pro HALO players, it won’t work for you.
Handball
This is actually an Olympic event? This is a game that is supposed to be played in the streets, across back yards, where bushes and cars are significant obstacles, with an object that need only be vaguely ball-like. I’m saying it’s a children’s game. We cannot continue to encourage these simpletons by allowing them to play soccer with their hands. They need to grow up and pick a real sport or come to terms with their own athletic failings.
Basketball
Basketball will never go away from the Olympics; I know that, it just generates too much revenue. But we already have an Olympic basketball organization, it’s called the NBA. (Stay gold, Sodak.)
Golf
The IOC looks to pick up golf in 2016, and these are the kinds of highlights you can look forward to. Joy? Look, as a game, golf should be played and not seen. Hell, most people can’t play golf without getting halfway-lit first, so that wandering around searching for a little white ball in the expanses of groomed wilderness and man-made constructs doesn’t become a depressing metaphor for their own accomplishments in life. If you actually seek out golf on television to watch, you are a boring human being, and no, I do not want to look at your coin collection.
On the next page: Field hockey, badminton, and all horse-related bullshit.
As is customary, nay tradition, around these parts, we’re hitting the eggnog early and often this week — thus, the obligatory Top 10 list to close out another year in the world of mixed martial arts. It’s not all fluff, though: Last year we predicted a champion would test positive for a banned substance and Brock Lesnar would retire. Not bad, huh? So grab a seat while we break out the crystal ball and see what 2013 has in store for us.
1.) Showtime stays in the MMA biz, will announce deal with Invicta FC and others.
MMA is just too popular to completely wash your hands of. Showtime may finally be done with Strikeforce, but that only means they’re now free to partner up with the likes of all-female Invicta FC or the World Series of Fighting, both of which could be looking for more permanent homes after their early success in 2012. Don’t let the Invicta PPV news fool you; they can’t win that battle. No matter who inks the deal, expect Showtime to counter-program at least one UFC event.
2.) A Ronda Rousey loss brings about the swift execution of women’s MMA in the UFC.
(You see, kids, this is why we don’t break the fourth rule of Project Mayhem. Photo via Complex)
As is customary, nay tradition, around these parts, we’re hitting the eggnog early and often this week — thus, the obligatory Top 10 list to close out another year in the world of mixed martial arts. It’s not all fluff, though: Last year we predicted a champion would test positive for a banned substance and Brock Lesnar would retire. Not bad, huh? So grab a seat while we break out the crystal ball and see what 2013 has in store for us.
1.) Showtime stays in the MMA biz, will announce deal with Invicta FC and others.
MMA is just too popular to completely wash your hands of. Showtime may finally be done with Strikeforce, but that only means they’re now free to partner up with the likes of all-female Invicta FC or the World Series of Fighting, both of which could be looking for more permanent homes after their early success in 2012. Don’t let the Invicta PPV news fool you; they can’t win that battle. No matter who inks the deal, expect Showtime to counter-program at least one UFC event.
2.) A Ronda Rousey loss brings about the swift execution of women’s MMA in the UFC.
After amputatingwhat’s her name in February, Rowdy will move on to calling out every woman possible who she knows cannot make 135 — especially Cyborg. In what comes as a major surprise to fight fans around the globe, Gina Carano accepts her open challenge (perfect timing to publicize her upcoming role in Fast 6) in late spring/early summer. “Conviction” TKO’s her way to victory then ships off to work on the chick version of The Expendables never to return to the cage. Dana White will be inconsolable but manages to release the handful of remaining women under Zuffa contract that don’t parade around in shorty shorts and a push-up bra.
Hear me out on this one. Just like you, the Injury Bug desperately wants to see this fight, either to see that fake-ass white boy Sonnen get savaged or to watch Jonny Bones get knocked down a peg or two. That’s right, neither Jones nor Sonnen will become injured prior to their bout on April 27th. How can I guarantee something so outlandish? Suffice it to say we have our ways of getting things done.
A man can only go so hard for so long before his body tosses in the towel. Dana White’s battle with Meniere’s Disease combined with international travel will have finally caught up with MMA’s Moses. You’ll all kick yourself for not seeing this coming sooner. First it was a missed event, then it was two. Next thing you knew, DFW was running the broadcasts from his bunker in Vegas. During the breaking interview, Ariel Helwani will shower White with tremendous praise and wish him the best in his future endeavors while trying to keep a straight face on The MMA Hour because he was briefed on the regime change months ago. Helwani nose.
5.)AnA-list celebrity tries his hand at MMA.
My sources cannot confirm, but the word on the street is that both CM Punk and Justin Bieber are looking to cash in on the MMA craze before the bubble bursts in 2014. ($%&@! I’ve said too much already.) You already know that Punk is a Gracie trained white belt, but did you know that the annoying little Bieber kid could throw down? Me either, at least not until I saw this. One guy is always one pipe bomb away from the unemployment line and the other, well… has the testosterone of Alistair Overeem at a random drug test, which means he’s constantly in a state of “Come at me, bro!” These two savvy businessmen are too smart to leave money on the table so they nut up and get in the cage. But you can bet your last dollar “Biebs” won’t be fighting when the Octagon comes rolling into the Philippines.
*Announcement scheduled for 04/01/13.
Hit the “next page” link for even more Nostradumas-like predictions that will make us look like geniuses later…
Not that it matters — because in ten days, Zorp the Surveyor will arrive to burn off our flesh with his volcano mouth and use our melted faces as fuel (Ed note: All hail Zorp) — but popular men’s interest website AskMen.com recently tallied over 2.4 million votes to determine the top 99 most desirable women of 2013, as determined by you, the people. And wouldn’t you know it, none other than inaugural UFC Rondaweight champion Ronda Rousey placed an astonishing 43rd on said list. I guess this WMMA thing is catching on after all.
Beating out rival Kim Kardashian (#98), as well as such top-shelf hotties as Heidi Klum (#61), Olivia Wilde (#54), and Scarlett Johansson (#45) and falling just ten spots behind first lady Michelle Obama, it was an impressive showing for the women’s champ to say the least. Based on all of our recent Rousey-related posts, I’m guessing most of your reactions are going to be something along the lines of “WTF is this shit?! I find hotter women scrubbing the cobblestone sidewalks at night whilst travelling from my vacation home to my second vacation home!” but does anyone honestly feel she deserves her ranking on the list, if not a higher one? And what the fuck is a Jenna Marbles (#90)?
(This is the last known image of #42.)
Not that it matters — because in ten days, Zorp the Surveyor will arrive to burn off our flesh with his volcano mouth and use our melted faces as fuel (Ed note: All hail Zorp) – but popular men’s interest website AskMen.com recently tallied over 2.4 million votes to determine the top 99 most desirable women of 2013, as determined by you, the people. And wouldn’t you know it, none other than inaugural UFC Rondaweight champion Ronda Rousey placed an astonishing 43rd on said list. I guess this WMMA thing is catching on after all.
Beating out rival Kim Kardashian (#98), as well as such top-shelf hotties as Heidi Klum (#61), Olivia Wilde (#54), and Scarlett Johansson (#45) and falling just ten spots behind first lady Michelle Obama, it was an impressive showing for the women’s champ to say the least. Based on all of our recent Rousey-related posts, I’m guessing most of your reactions are going to be something along the lines of “WTF is this shit?! I find hotter women scrubbing the cobblestone sidewalks at night whilst travelling from my vacation home to my second vacation home!” but does anyone honestly feel she deserves her ranking on the list, if not a higher one? And what the fuck is a Jenna Marbles (#90)?
Personally, I’m just upset that Tina Fey (#80) landed some 73 spots behind Kristen Stewart (#7), whose pouty, suicidal-girl-next-door routine couldn’t arouse me if I had a fistful of Viagra, a fifth of Jack, and six minutes left on this earth. Also, I wish Michelle Jenneke was less a track star and more a sex slave chained to a pipe in my basement, but I digress.
You can check out the list in its entirety here. But before I go, I must ask, where would you have placed Sofia Vergara between #1 and whatever is better than #1?
Although most Nick Diaz fans would be quick to dispute it (or simply just forget about it in the first place), welterweight interim champion Carlos “Natural Born Killer” Condit didn’t just get lucky when The Baldfather was assigning nicknames, he earned his by collecting 26 stoppages in 28 victories. It’s hard to believe that Condit has collected a higher finishing ratio (92.9%) than the likes of Junior Dos Santos (86.7%)or Anderson Silva (78.8%), but the fact remains that when you get in the cage with the former WEC welterweight champ, there’s usually only one way out: via your consciousness.
So in order to refresh our collective memories of just what kind of beast will be challenging Georges St. Pierre at UFC 154, we’ve compiled our favorite GIF’s of Carlos going for the kill after the jump. Enjoy.
Although most Nick Diaz fans would be quick to dispute it (or simply just forget about it in the first place), welterweight interim champion Carlos “Natural Born Killer” Condit didn’t just get lucky when The Baldfather was assigning nicknames, he earned his by collecting 26 stoppages in 28 victories. It’s hard to believe that Condit has collected a higher finishing ratio (92.9%) than the likes of Junior Dos Santos (86.7%)or Anderson Silva (78.8%), but the fact remains that when you get in the cage with the former WEC welterweight champ, there’s usually only one way out: via your consciousness.
So in order to refresh our collective memories of just what kind of beast will be challenging Georges St. Pierre at UFC 154, we’ve compiled our favorite GIF’s of Carlos going for the kill after the jump. Enjoy.
(Quick poll – Which is funnier: Miller’s hair or Shields’ attempt at a mean mug?)
You can hate on the over-the-top theatrics of professional wrestling all you want, but there’s no denying the sport’s influence on the world of MMA. Do you think we would have ever seen Jonathan Ivey break out “The People’s Elbow” in a fight if The Rock hadn’t done it first? And how about that Chael Sonnen character, who we would all just write off as another boring wrestler if not for his Billy Graham-esque heel routine? The list goes on and on, but greater than the signature moves, greater even than the whimsical trash-talking pro wrasslin’ has inspired in our great sport, is the post-fight cage confrontation.
It has been responsible for some of the most unintentionally hilarious highs and Gus Johnsony lows that MMA has ever seen, yet we can’t seem to look away when such an inherently silly situation is presented in the aftermath of a fight. The UFC clearly understands this, and in an effort to set up everyone’s dream match of Anderson Silva vs. Jon Jones Georges. St. Pierre, both the UFC and Silva’s manager have hinted that not only is the middleweight champ going to be in attendance at UFC 154, but should St. Pierre emerge victorious, the two will face off in the cage and lay the foundation for the next great MMA superfight. So with that in mind, we’ve compiled a brief, albeit memorable, video tribute to the post-fight confrontation. Enjoy.
(Quick poll – Which is funnier: Miller’s hair or Shields’ attempt at a mean mug?)
You can hate on the over-the-top theatrics of professional wrestling all you want, but there’s no denying the sport’s influence on the world of MMA. Do you think we would have ever seen Jonathan Ivey break out “The People’s Elbow” in a fight if The Rock hadn’t done it first? And how about that Chael Sonnen character, who we would all just write off as another boring wrestler if not for his Billy Graham-esque heel routine? The list goes on and on, but greater than the signature moves, greater even than the whimsical trash-talking pro wrasslin’ has inspired in our great sport, is the post-fight cage confrontation.
It has been responsible for some of the most unintentionally hilarious highs and Gus Johnsony lows that MMA has ever seen, yet we can’t seem to look away when such an inherently silly situation is presented in the aftermath of a fight. The UFC clearly understands this, and in an effort to set up everyone’s dream match of Anderson Silva vs. Jon Jones Georges. St. Pierre, both the UFC and Silva’s manager have hinted that not only is the middleweight champ going to be in attendance at UFC 154, but should St. Pierre emerge victorious, the two will face off in the cage and lay the foundation for the next great MMA superfight. So with that in mind, we’ve compiled a brief, albeit memorable, video tribute to the post-fight confrontation. Enjoy.
We don’t quite understand why so many professional fighters feel they need to repeat themselves at least a dozen times in order to get their point across, but at UFC 96, Rampage Jackson and Rashad Evans were going to do it anyway. Jackson had just defeated Keith Jardine via unanimous decision, and Evans — three piece and all — was called into the octagon to bicker with Rampage while Joe Rogan quietly played the role of Paul Heyman in the background.
“I’m getting that belt back. Think about it, know it, see it,” quipped Jackson, as if we needed any reminder of how badly The Secret had poisoned his fragile mind in the time since he lost the belt. And you gotta love that even while trash-talking, Rampage still manages to squeeze in a few excuses for his performance in the fight he literally just got done with. That’s a respectable dedication to bullshittery right there folks. Although Rashad seemed content to simply mumble “Yeah, yeah, we’ll see” until the audience entered a state of reduplicative paramnesia, he would score the victory over Jackson when the two finally met at UFC 114, so we guess his words were ultimately meaningless. That goes double for Jackson.
Blame this on “The Axe Murderer’s” lack of English tutelage if you must, but it’s clear that something was in the air when Chuck Liddell and Wanderlei Silva faced off at UFC 61. The creepily-long staredown, the whispered threats, the fevered pacing; you might even say that sparks were flying between the two legends (specifically, Nicholas Sparks). The year was 2006: Wandy was still a killing machine over in PRIDE and Chuck was the undisputed king/poster boy of the UFC. It was an MMA fan’s match made in heaven, and one that was all but guaranteed after Chuck bested “Babalu” Sobral (again) at UFC 62.
Although “The Iceman” was successful on his end, negotiations unfortunately fell apart between yet another PRIDE star and the UFC, forcing us to wait two long years to see these two throw down at UFC 79. In that time, Wanderlei had been nearly decapitated by Mirko Cro Cop and Dan Henderson in back-to-back bouts and a sans title Liddell was coming off a loss to Keith Jardine at UFC 76. Despite the significant deflation of hype heading into it, Liddell and Silva managed to turn in a Fight of the Year-earning performance that pleased even the most cynical of cynics. It would be Liddell’s last win as a professional. Wanderlei, however, has vowed not to retire until the moment he is permanently disabled in the octagon. Then again, if that happens he will still be able to find work if he looks hard enough.
#3 – GSP Ez Not Empress
Now this one is a perfect of example of life imitating (mixed martial) art(s). Just two events after Wandy and Chucky Boy engaged in one of the greatest cage confrontations in MMA history, Georges St. Pierre proceeded to totally blow up Matt Hughes‘ spot at UFC 63. Hughes had just finished defending his welterweight title — and earning some much needed redemption — against B.J. Penn, while St. Pierre had attended the event to support his fellow Canuck David Loiseau in his fight against Mike Swick. In the aftermath of Hughes’ victory, St. Pierre would reveal a brash side of his personality that we have yet to see again, declaring that he was “not impressed” with Hughes’ performance. It was a bold statement to say the least, especially considering that Hughes had already beaten St. Pierre in their first title fight at UFC 50.
Three years later, Kanye West would totally steal St. Pierre’s (and Taylor Swift’s) thunder by pulling the same kind of shenanigans at the 2009 VMA’s, the scoundrel. As for the St. Pierre/Hughes beef, well, we all know how that one ended.
