(When all else fails, a hypogonadism burn is always a solid standby.)
Apparently Jon Jones is unaware that Chael Sonnen is a fight promoter first, troll second, and actual fighter third. Be that as it may, “Bones” must have really took to heart the relatively light bit of trash-talking Sonnen aimed in the champ’s direction when announcing his return to the light-heavyweight division on UFC Tonight, as he has already responded, then deleted, several scathing remarks aimed at the former middleweight title challenger via Twitter, because of course he did.
(When all else fails, a hypogonadism burn is always a solid standby.)
Apparently Jon Jones is unaware that Chael Sonnen is a fight promoter first, troll second, and actual fighter third. Be that as it may, “Bones” must have really took to heart the relatively light bit of trash-talking Sonnen aimed in the champ’s direction when announcing his return to the light-heavyweight division on UFC Tonight, as he has already responded, then deleted, several scathing remarks aimed at the former middleweight title challenger via Twitter, because of course he did.
True, Jon, but doing the same thing back to Sonnen on Twitter kind of blends into that whole hypocritical aura you seem to exude. Just sayin’.
Forget what I just said, that was kind of awesome. Chael, the floor is yours.
But you know what I hate about this the most? The fact that Jones is playing right into Chael’s game(see below), which can only mean one thing: an expedited, undeserved title shot for Chael Sonnen if Jones is able to dispatch Dan Henderson at UFC 151. Sure, the next shot has been promised to Lyoto Machida, but we all know how much better Sonnen vs. Jones (or Sonnen vs. anyone, for that matter) would do as far as pay-per-view sales go. Rivalries trump legitimate contenders 9 times out of 10, and the fact that Machida has already faced Jones and lost certainly won’t help those numbers. Sonnen undoubtedly knows this, the clever cow, and is leading Bones into his Jigsaw-esque trap like the pro that he is.
Prediction: If Jones beats Hendo, he will suffer an injury significant enough that Machida will be forced to take another fight in his prolonged absence. Meanwhile, Jones and Sonnen will continue to hype their rivalry until Sonnen vs. Griffin is declared a #1 contenders match (hey, crazier things have happened). Sonnen will win, and Lyoto will be left in the dark, drinking homemade Mai Tai after Mai Tai as a means of consoling himself for not talking enough shit over Twitter to get a rematch with Bones.
I could be wrong, but I watched The Mentalist for eight straight hours yesterday, which leads me to believe that I am spot on.
[UPDATE – 4:30 p.m. EST]
Wait a minute…as I’m writing this, it seems Jones has used the Avatarian connection that all people with the same last name share to hack into my brain and respond to my worries before I could even publish them (same wording and everything), stating the following on Twitter:
For everyone who thinks I’m “falling into chaels game” I know exactly what I’m doing.. #AreYouNotEntertained
Touche, Jon. Now stay the fuck out of my head thank you very much.
The 150th UFC PPV takes place at the Pepsi Center in Denver, Colorado, which means tonight’s drinking game will lead you to the ER with liver poisoning as Joe and Goldie talk about the altitude. Headlining the card is the rematch to end all rematches when former WEC standout and current UFC lightweight champion, Benson Henderson squares off against Frankie “The Answer” Edgar.
Also on the broadcast is the front-runner to win Fight of the Night honors when Donald “Cowboy” Cerrone locks horns with Melvin Guillard. I’m told that Jake Shields and Yushin Okami are scheduled to fight Ed Hermann and Buddy Roberts respectively, and that’s totally cool, But you’re only buying this card for one reason: to see if the gold changes hands at the end of the night.
“Live” (emphasis on the quotation marks) round-by-round results from the Henderson – Edgar 2 pay-per-view main card will be piling up after the jump beginning at 10 p.m. ET / 7 p.m. PT, courtesy of Jason Moles. Refresh the page every few minutes hours for all the latest, and please toss in your own inebriated thoughts in the comments section.
The 150th UFC PPV takes place at the Pepsi Center in Denver, Colorado, which means tonight’s drinking game will lead you to the ER with liver poisoning as Joe and Goldie talk about the altitude. Headlining the card is the rematch to end all rematches when former WEC standout and current UFC lightweight champion, Benson Henderson squares off against Frankie “The Answer” Edgar.
Also on the broadcast is the front-runner to win Fight of the Night honors when Donald “Cowboy” Cerrone locks horns with Melvin Guillard. I’m told that Jake Shields and Yushin Okami are scheduled to fight Ed Hermann and Buddy Roberts respectively, and that’s totally cool, But you’re only buying this card for one reason: to see if the gold changes hands at the end of the night.
“Live” (emphasis on the quotation marks) round-by-round results from the Henderson – Edgar 2 pay-per-view main card will be piling up after the jump beginning at 10 p.m. ET / 7 p.m. PT, courtesy of Jason Moles. Refresh the page every few minutes hours for all the latest, and please toss in your own inebriated thoughts in the comments section.
Let’s get this started, shall we?
Justin Lawrence vs. Max Holloway
Round 1: Holloway’s crotch says, “BUY MY SHORTS.” Don’t ask me why that’s the first thing I noticed about him. Feeling out process ended with a few kicks from Lawrence. Nice high kick from Holloway. Both trade a few nice punches. Lawrence seems to be landing more strikes. %$#&!!! Holloway just drilled “The All American Kid” All- American nuts! Okay, just walk it off. Lawrence pushing forward and gets the takedown. Right back up. Lawrence is bleeding. Holloway lands a knee to the chin. Swing and a miss by Holloway. 13-12 Significant strikes favoring Lawrence. Holloway drills him in the balls again as the end of round horn sounds.
Round 2: Stick and move by Holloway. The men both trade snapping kicks. Lawrence with a lot of front kicks, sidekicks. Crowd starting to boo but it dies down. Holloway lands a clean right hand. Holloway demonstrating very nice counter punching — stuffs a takedown as well. Lawrence landing 47% of his strikes. Stick and move by both men. Holloway stuffs a takedown my grandmother could have seen, and she’s got cataracts. Now he tags Lawrence which leads to an opening for a deep knee to the gut. Left hook to the liver and “It’s all over!!!”
Winner Max Holloway Rd. 2 TKO
Up Next – Yushin Okami vs. Buddy Roberts
Buddy Roberts walking out to ‘Bleed It Out’ by Linkin Park. Yushin on the other hand… Holy $%&@! Is that Tank Abbott??? Nope, he’s sober.
Round 1: Roberts comes out swinging. Looking for a head kick. Okami lands a nice left. Buddy keeps connecting with the jab. Okami just got clipped. Roberts landing knees from the clinch. Okami tries and fails twice to get the takedown from the clinch against the cage. Okami finally drags him down,. takes his back, transitions to his guard. Okami in half guard, not much action. Crowd boos on cue. Yushin in side mount with arm control and lands a few shots. Okami in full mount, takes the back, lands a few shots to the back of the head but Herb doesn’t seem to mind. A bunch more punches and the horn sounds.
Round 2: Buddy goes forward and slips on the mat. Lands a shot once he recovers. Okami with a straight left. Clinches and tries to drag him down. Success. Buddy transitions into a guillotine. Back on their feet. Okami nails a double leg. Moves into half guard. Looking to utilize elbows, looks some more… Full mount by “Thunder” and Buddy rolls over on his belly. Okami just keeps punching him in the skull. Herb calls it.
Winner: Yushin Okami – Rd. 2 – TKO
Better grab a Mt. Dew and a handful of Yellow Jackets before Jake Shields middleweight debut against Ed Herman.
Herman walking out wearing a Dethrone hoodie. His music sucks, but his bobcat shirt makes up for it. Man, I almost forgot how pale redheads are. Shields walks out to what sounds like The Glitch Mob dubstep remix of Seven Nation Army. My wife says his nipples are really “pokie” – like they’ve been stretched. Wow – Rashad really wasn’t joking around when he said you’d notice a difference.
Round 1: Shields immediately throws a kick. Both men attacking. Herman goes for takedown, Shields hip tosses him. Back on the feet. Clinched and they both trade blows. Herman lands a knee. Shields gets the trip takedown. Ground and pound from Jake. Both men back up, dirty boxing along the fence. These guys have separation issues. Jake has a sponsor sticker for a radiator company. Nice elbow by Herman. Jake looking for the guillotine. *yawn* Thank God the fans can boo for me. Finally some action – that guys claps the 2×4′s together to signal 10 seconds left.
Round 2: Looks, I can text the UFC who I want to win. Nice. More kicks by Shields. Herman initiates the clinch again. Take down – Shields on top in half guard, now side control. Working for a kimura.
Sorry guys, @#&^$@*$^#*(# internet! Sorry.
Round 3 almost over – Shields has been dominating Herman on the ground for most of it. Shields in full mount. Herman trying to score pints off his back, but he’s no Miguel Torres. Shields lands more and more punches as the crowd boos louder. Both men swinging but it’s all over. The judges will decide who moves forward…. but the fans are not impressed with their performance.
Winner: Jake Shields by Unanimous decision.
Coming up next: Former teamates and BFF’s, Donald “Cowboy” Cerrone and Melvin “I don’t care if I’m indoors, I’m wearing my damn sunglasses anyway!” Guillard.
Denver crowd tried to snatch the infamous sunglasses of Guillard. #fail – Apparently being a Blackzillian automatically gets you a Pretorian sponsorship. *Cue Kid Rock music* Here comes Cowboy, baby. The TapouT cowboy hat looked much better than this Muscle Pharm stuff. Cerrone looks happier than a pig in, well, you get the point.
Round 1: “Taller is Cerrone”, says Mike Goldberg. Guillard gets booed heavily as Buffer introduces him. Remember, it’s not because Denver is racist, it’s because they love them some homegrown talent – and Cerrone is home. Cowboy quick on the offensive with a head kick. Guillard is beating the living daylights outta Cerrone!!!!! Punches in bunches AND a knee to the midsection. Dang! Okay, he looks shocked but he;s good now. Damn! Now Cowboy lands a head kick followed up by a hard right hand and Guillard is asleep!!! When will he ever learn that sunglasses are unnecessary indoors?
Winner: Donald Cerrone – Rd. 1 KO
Craziest fight of the year? Yeah, I think so. They both hug it out, now that “The Young Assassin” has come to. I would pay to be at their after party.
Main Event Time: Benson “Smooth” Henderson vs. Frankie Edgar
Frankie runs to the Octagon, gets greased up -legally, not the Anderson Silva way. Like a leprechaun who’s been had, he wants his gold back. Ben is strutting his way to the prep point. The champ’s calm and focused. It’s Time!
Round 1: Edgar in the black/red trunks littered with sponsors. Henderson must have sponsored himself because his upper body is plastered on his poster… oh yeah, tighties for the champ. Empty jabs by Henderson. Egdar landing a few shots, most noticeably a left hand. Leg kick by Smooth. Edgar nearly looses his balance after Henderson kicks his leg again. Another one and he’s down. Scrambled to the feet. Edgar returns the favor and throws a leg kick. Frankie’s left calf is swollen and red. Both men throwing combos, landing shots here and there. Frankie lands a leg kick. Edgar catches the leg kick this time, takedown but the champ locks in a guillotine. Remember how many times Frankie caught kicks last time? Round over.
Nate Diaz in attendance.
Round 2: 12-8 Sig strikes in favor of the champ for round 1. Another leg kick by Smooth and Edgar drops to a knee but recovers. Frankie feints a takedown. Lands a punch. Leg kick and a hook for Edgar. Both guys switching stance. Leg kick by the champ. Edgar drops Henderson with a wicked uppercut. Looking to sink in the choke. Smooth works up to his feet. but Frankie still has a hold of him. Henderson keeping a hand on the ground to avoid knees. Edgar is bleeding. Separation! Henderson misses a big axe kick. Then shoots but is stuffed by Frankie. Big body kick by the champ the the horn.
Round 3: Half landed/half blocked head kick by Benson. Lots of jabs by him as well, most hit air. Frankie lands a leg kick. Ben returns the favor and charges. very nice jab by Benson. Both men exchange blows. Champ telegraphs a head kick. Edgar ducks. Same for his right hard. More of the same – I hit you, you hit me. Repeat. Still no mention of altitude – my drinking game sucks – I can still see the keys clearly. The champ tries to Sweet Chin Music the former champ – misses. 20-16 sig strikes so far in favor of Smooth. Champ charges and Frankie Edgar tries to hit HBK’s finisher as the horn sounds.
Championship rounds, deep water, point of no return, etc….
Round 4: Guys are just banging. Leg kicks, straight punches, more leg kicks – it’s all here. Neither man looks to have a significant advantage, both are active. Edgar gets a takedown. Big kick from the ground and Ben is back up. Until he Frankie locks in the choke. Leaning on the champ is Edgar. Applying pressure on the choke. Now they stand. Crowd’s chant is inaudible. Henderson lands a jab that knocks Edgar’s mouthpiece out. TIME OUT! Okay, back to work. Leg kick by Frankie is beautiful. My face hurts from watching all of these punches. Edgar catches ANOTHER kick. and Keeps it standing. Horn.
Round 5: Edgar’s corner tells him to punch him against the cage. Edgar’s footwork prevents being kicked in the lead leg again. Nice shots by the NJ native. Champ is fighting like he’s already won… Edgar is hungry. Crowd chants, “Frankie!” Caught another kick did Frankie. Puts a right hand on his face. Keeps attacking with combos. Now the champ looks to score points with a few jabs. Edgar’s counter striking is impressive. Frankie hits a nice leg kick. One minute left!!! Nice body shot by Edgar. Champ comes forward, lands s shot. Both are going at it now. End of fight.. Judges will now calculate the scores, correctly, we hope.
And the winner is…..
Ben HendersonFrankie Edgar by unanimous decisionsplit decision!
The crowd is NOT happy. “I fight for you guys! I try to finish fights!” -Henderson.
Edgar says he’s not sure if he’ll go back and watch this fight again. Dude looks heartbroken. Fans love him though.
I’ve got an idea: Instead of obsessing about who really deserves the next shot at the light-heavyweight title, let’s just kick back tonight and enjoy some free fights on FOX, two of which happen to feature former 205-pound champions (both Brazilian) facing off against hungry contenders (both American). Throw in a lightweight feature between Joe Lauzon and comeback kid Jamie Varner, and Mike Swick‘s first Octagon appearance in two-and-a-half years, and you’ve got a lineup that should hopefully take some of the sting off that $55 you blew on UFC 149.
The UFC on FOX: Shogun vs. Vera main card kicks off at 8 p.m. ET / 5 p.m. PT, and our man Elias Cepeda will be guiding you through the play-by-play after the jump. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest, and give us the play-by-play for your own lives in the comments section.
I’ve got an idea: Instead of obsessing about who really deserves the next shot at the light-heavyweight title, let’s just kick back tonight and enjoy some free fights on FOX, two of which happen to feature former 205-pound champions (both Brazilian) facing off against hungry contenders (both American). Throw in a lightweight feature between Joe Lauzon and comeback kid Jamie Varner, and Mike Swick‘s first Octagon appearance in two-and-a-half years, and you’ve got a lineup that should hopefully take some of the sting off that $55 you blew on UFC 149.
The UFC on FOX: Shogun vs. Vera main card kicks off at 8 p.m. ET / 5 p.m. PT, and our man Elias Cepeda will be guiding you through the play-by-play after the jump. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest, and give us the play-by-play for your own lives in the comments section.
We’re live, taters!
Well-written intro accompanied by highlights from the card’s main event fighters. The silky smooth voice of Ving Rhames narrating certainly helps, just sayin’…
Mike Swick Vs. DeMarques Johnson
Johnson is a tough out for anyone at welterweight, and we’re stoked to see Swick for the first time in two years. Impossible to know how to call this one, but we don’t have to wait much longer now to see how it plays out.
I’d forgotten how many commercials take place during these free network events. Twenty minutes into the telecast, we’re finally on to the fighter introductions. Let’s get it on.
Rd 1
Johnson looks relaxed. He’s too relaxed. He moves his chin from a down position to more upright and Swick lands a big right hand to the jaw, buckling Johnson. They clinch briefly and are again in free striking range.
Swick with another big right hand that hurts Johnson. Now another, and another. Johnson isn’t going down without a fight, though, and takes Swick down with a little over 3:30 left. Swick in full guard against the cage, Johnson working elbows to the face. Swick is controlling Johnson’s posture well, preventing the TUF 9 finalist from posturing up and getting leverage to land big shots.
Swick gets up to his feet and lands two big shots to the dome of Johnson. Johnson fires back and hurts Swick with a right hand. Swick gets turned away but gets back in the pocket and throws punches and knees.
Johnson gets another takedown, takes Swick’s back and now is in the mount with a little over 1:30 left. Johnson takes the back again as Swick turns over. Swick is trying but having no success getting back up to his feet. Swick turns in and gets a half guard. Johnson lands an elbow and then locks in a D’arce choke on Swick with under a minute left. Johnson appears to have the choke locked in but then lets it go.
Swick gets his full guard with twenty seconds left. Johnson with a left elbow to Swick’s head and a punch to the right side of Swick’s body. The round ends.
Rd 2
Swick popped up to his feet right away at the end of the last round. Johnson smiles at Swick from across the cage. They touch gloves and get to rocking again. Swick lands a right hand, Johnson lands his own. Johnson throws a leg kick, Swick grabs the kick and takes Johnson down.
Straight away, Swick lands a huge right hand to the downed Johnson and knocks him out, just like that. The first shot put Johnson’s lights out, but Swick was so quick that he got two more in the face of Johnson before referee Herb Dean reaches the action and stops it.
Mike Swick with the second round KO win.
Joe Lauzon vs. Jamie Varner
This card is full of matchups that appear too close to call on paper. And you know what, this writer happens to feel that, skill-wise, the night’s main event between Mauricio “Shogun” Rua and Brandon Vera is in that category as well. I know, I’m in the minority. Anyway, we can all agree that this lightweight bout is a great one. Will Varner continue his rise back to the top or will Lauzon get back on a road to a title shot after losing his last one?
Lauzon might have a slight edge on the ground, but will he be able to get the fight there on his terms against the strong wrestler, Varner? And if they stay on the feet, who’s striking will be better? Both men love to box, so we might be in for a treat.
Rd 1
Lots of feinting from both men before Varner gets off with a couple of missing punches to the head and body. Varner throws another hard right hand to the head. Lauzon blocks it but it had power. Varner now attacking the body with hooks. He’s landing.
Varner lands a right kick to the body, and then a leftkick to the leg. Varner lands a huge left hand that rocks Lauzon. Lauzon gets back in the pocket and continues to stalk Varner. Varner is still the one to get off first in the exchanges.
Not anymore. Lauzon gets off first this time, forces Varner to shoot. Lauzon stuffs it, lands a knee to the head. Lauzon’s hands are low as he stalks but now he’s firing first. Varner circles away nicely though to stay out of danger. Varner with another body kick. Varner with a glancing right hand to Lauzon’s head. Varner throws big punches but Lauzon blocks them. Joe fires back and backs Varner up, hurting him, then half attempting his own takedown. Varner doesn’t let it happen. Lauzon is landing three times the head shots as Varner is. Varner may be tiring. He took the fight on short notice.
Lauzon lands a clean right hand with under a minute left. Jamie clips and drops Lauzon. Lauzon threatens with an arm bar from his open guard right away but Varner defends. Varner looks to pass, Joe turtles up. Varner with knees to the body as he has a front head lock on Lauzon.
The horn sounds, the two get to their feet and embrace before returning to their respective corners.
Rd 2
Varner with an inside leg kick, then an outside round house to Lauzon’s lead leg. Varner now firing hard with punches but Lauzon covers up well. Lauzon checks a leg kick, Varner throws another one that goes throw to the back leg and nearly sweeps Lauzon.
Varner with a one-two combo, the over hand right gets to the top of Lauzon’s head. Varner clips Lauzon again with a right and stuns him. Joe goes for a single leg, Varner goes for the guillotine choke. Joe passes to the full mount, then takes Varner’s back. Varner stands up and gets Joe off of his back from the standing position.
They are both up on their feet again, striking. Varner not slowing down, throwing lots of punches to the head and body. Lauzon with a nice jab. Varner goes back to the body with punches. Lauzon lands four hooks to the head of Varner, takes Varner down, gets side control. Varner turns to his back, Joe fires punches to the head of Varner. Varner manages to get back up to his feet. Joe stays on him in the clinch, pressing him against the cage with a minute left.
Varner goes for a take down, he’s tired, though. They fall to the floor but Joe gets on top of Varner. Joe gets his back, then takes the mount, then goes for an arm triangle position with twenty seconds left. With time running out, Joe goes for an arm bar, doesn’t get it, loses position and Varner lands elbows to the head as the horn sounds.
Rd 3
They embrace as the round starts. Joe stalking Varner again. Varner realizes that he started the round without a mouth piece. The action is stopped so he can get it. Nuts.
Varner biding his time but throwing mean when he musters the energy to throw. Lauzon shoots for a double leg take down, but Varner sprawls expertly. He separates, Joe lands a jab. Varner shoots for a takedown, and lands it. Varner in a half butterfly guard of Lauzon.
Lauzon reverses position and gets back up to his feet. Varner throwing hard, lands an uppercut on Joe. Varner cocks back and throws a big right hand. Joe with another jab. Varner teeing off on Joe with punches and elbows, but Joe covers up and blocks. Varner gets the take down, Joe reverses, then gets rolled but locks on a triangle choke.
Joe gets the tap out via triangle choke in the third round. As Mike Goldberg says – Joe now has 22 wins, all by stoppage.
Lyoto Machida vs. Ryan Bader
Rd 1
Machida with his typical chin up, legs-wide stance. Bader feinting, swinging, missing. Bader taking his time, though, and not going crazy. Bader lands a leg kick, Lyoto lands a left body kick.
Two and a half minutes left. Machida lands a knee, then throws a left body kick as Bader throws a punch. Lyoto is blocked, Bader misses. Bader rushes in with punches, Machida keeps is distance while backing up.
Machida with another body kick and then an attempted over hand elbow strike. Machida lands a snapping jab that tags Bader. Bader comes in, Machida cuts an angle to his right and fires a body kick. Bader throws a left hook then gets into the clinch.
Machida breaks free and then throws a front kick to the body. Bader lands a lunging jab. The round horn sounds.
Rd 2
Ryan feinting hard at the start of the round. Machida doing weird hand movement stuff to get Bader distracted, as he is prone to do. Bader rushes in once more and Machida swiftly knocks the TUF winner out with a short right hook.
“I feel very well…it was a great performance. I want to say, The Dragon is back!” Machida getting his English on during his post-fight interview with Joe Rogan.
Lyoto Machida back on the winning track with a second round KO over Ryan Bader. Will that be “impressive” enough for Machida to get another crack at champion Jon Jones? I guess that’s up to “Shogun” and Vera, up next.
Mauricio “Shogun” Rua vs. Brandon Vera
Rd 1
Vera with a big rear body kick on Rua. Rua shoots and scores a take down on the much larger Vera. As Rogan observantly points out, Vera has had the most difficulty when he’s been put on his back and ground down.
Rua working to pass Vera’s half guard. Rua almost passes the half guard but Vera recomposes. Rua keeps working and passes the guard to side control with three minutes left. Rua switches his hips from side control, Vera turns in and tries to get to his feet. Vera wall-walks and gets to the feet. Rua presses Vera against the cage in the clinch and then dives low for a single leg attempt. Vera pulls a guillotine choke and works it from his open guard.
Rua is out! He fires an elbow strike and is in Vera’s full guard. Rua immediately works to pass guard again. He gets to half guard and begins to fire punches to the head of Vera. Vera’s got a half butterfly guard and tries to lift Rua up in the air. Rua passes to side control again with just under a minute left. Rua takes the mount, Vera turns and gives up his back and Rua takes his back!
Rua has both hooks in with thirty seconds left. Shogun has an over-under grop, then gives it up to throw light punches and hammer fists. Vera does not let Rua flatten out his hips and the round ends with Rua face down, on Vera’s back.
Rd 2
Vera throws a kick but Shogun responds with huge punches to Vera’s head, rocking Vera. Vera backs up against the cage, takes more shots, then knees. Vera fires back with a left elbow to Rua’s head. Vera has been hurt but he’s not giving up, with four minutes left in the round.
Vera lands a a straight left punch to Rua’s head. Vera with a right hook to the head, then a left kick to the body, then a front stomp kick to Rua’s lead knee. Vera slips aright hand from Rua then lands a huge left hand of his own. Rua responds with a cross that hurts Vera. Rua gets Vera in a Thai plum clinch control and throws lots of knees. Vera blocks well but is on the defensive. He falls to his knees, is turtled up as Shogun throws big punches.
Vera gets to his feet and clips Rua on the chin! Rua with a right hand. Rua with another right hand! Vera with an elbow. Rua lands another right hand and presses Vera against the cage. Vera turns him around and has over-under control on Rua, with his head pressed against Rua’s chin for leverage. Vera lands a slam take down and is in Rua’s half guard with a minute left.
Rua is cut and fatigued after not being able to put Vera away with his big shots. Vera looks pretty tired as well, throwing knees to Rua’s body from the half guard. Rua’s half guard is loose but Vera isn’t looking to pass. Ten seconds left and Vera fires elbows to Rua’s head. The horn sounds.
Rd 3
Rua presses Vera against the cage and works for a take down. Vera trying knees from the clinch there. Rua drops down for another take down. Vera defends. They are in free standing range again.
Vera with another front kick to Rua’s knee. Vera with a punch-kick combination going to the head, body and leg. Vera slips a punch from Rua, Rua presses Vera against the cage. Rua has a front head lock and knees Vera to the head.
Vera drops down to his knees to avoid being legally kneed in the head again. Shogun working the front head lock, with Vera’s right leg hooked by his left arm. Rua stands up and tees off on Vera with punches and kicks while pressing down on Vera’s head. Vera gets up to his feet and immediately lands a multiple punch and leg kick combination.
Vera lands another strike combination. Rua lands a big shot to the head. Vera lands a front leg kick, then punches and knees, hurting Rua and forcing him against the cage. Rua responds by taking Vera down. They are in the center of the ring in Vera’s half guard with a minute and a half left. Rua tries to pass the half guard.
Rua nearly in mount, Vera turns away, Rua gets to triple attack position and hammer fists. Vera turns back into Rua, using his half guard. Thirty seconds left and Vera is still using his half guard. Rua mostly pressuring and looking to pass. The round ends with Rua on top in half guard.
Rd 4
Rua with a a big short punch. Shogun presses Vera against the cage and looks for a take down, Vera stuffs him. Rua lands a nice knee to the body and then head of Vera. Vera with his back to the cage, working his own knees to the legs and body of Rua now.
Vera throws a short left elbow followed by a short right elbow to the head of Rua. Rua lands his own big upper cut and presses Vera against the cage again, using his own head control on Vera’s chin, then following up with a left hook to the head. Both men with over under hooks, Vera with his back agaisnt the cage. Vera lands a knee to Rua’s body. Rua backs up and they are free standing with under 1:30. Rua with a straight punch landing, then Vera rocks Rua. Rua stalks and walks Vera down, landing a two punch combo that drops Vera to the mat. Vera is out of it, Rua lands a couple more academic strikes and the referee stops the fight.
Mauricio “Shogun” Rua beats Brandon Vera via 4th round TKO stoppage from strikes on the ground. Who do you think should get the next title shot, nation?
Thanks for partying all night long with us, now go be productive members of society before coming back tomorrow for post-event press conference coverage, analysis and more.
(I have nothing funny to say about the Faber/Barao face-off, but oh man, does Shawn Jordan look like the human embodiment of a penis crawling back up inside a body or what? / Photos via the UFC 149 weigh-in gallery on MMAFighting.com.)
Tonight’s UFC 149 card in Calgary will answer several burning questions. For instance, can Urijah Faber keep his spot as the #1 bantamweight contender — and earn a relatively meaningless interim title belt in the process — or will the red-hot Renan Barao–Rao bump him out of line? Will Hector Lombard‘s trail of destruction continue in the Octagon, or is redneck judo the antidote to actual judo? (Sub-question: If Lombard wins, will his post-fight interview be awkward as hell?) And how many points will Cheick Kongo be docked during his fight with rookie Shawn Jordan? Excited yet? No? Well fucking get excited, okay?
Live round-by-round results from the “Faber vs. Barao” PPV main card will be piling up after the jump starting at 10 p.m. ET, courtesy of defending liveblog champion Anthony Gannon. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest, and whenever you see something ill, type “Whoa” in the comments section.
(I have nothing funny to say about the Faber/Barao face-off, but oh man, does Shawn Jordan look like the human embodiment of a penis crawling back up inside a body or what? / Photos via the UFC 149 weigh-in gallery on MMAFighting.com.)
Tonight’s UFC 149 card in Calgary will answer several burning questions. For instance, can Urijah Faber keep his spot as the #1 bantamweight contender — and earn a relatively meaningless interim title belt in the process — or will the red-hot Renan Barao–Rao bump him out of line? Will Hector Lombard‘s trail of destruction continue in the Octagon, or is redneck judo the antidote to actual judo? (Sub-question: If Lombard wins, will his post-fight interview be awkward as hell?) And how many points will Cheick Kongo be docked during his fight with rookie Shawn Jordan? Excited yet? No? Well fucking get excited, okay?
Live round-by-round results from the “Faber vs. Barao” PPV main card will be piling up after the jump starting at 10 p.m. ET, courtesy of defending liveblog champion Anthony Gannon. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest, and whenever you see something ill, type “Whoa” in the comments section.
Sup, Potatoheads. And here we are, UFC 149, yet another card I volunteered to liveblog that the injury gods decided to go and get all medieval on with a pair of pliers and a blowtorch. Dominick Cruz and Urijah Faber were supposed to settle up their trilogy of hatred. The stakes were high, with not only dominion on the line, but the loser would have had to allow the winner to sleep with his girlfriend, and give him a foot massage, and not be tickling or nothin’. Gimme a break, yo, Pulp Fiction was on before. But anyway, Cruz went down, so now it’s Faber vs Renan Barao for a fake interim title. Sexiyama was supposed to suffer his fifth straight loss to Thiago Alves. That aint happening. Shogun was supposed to welcome Thiago Silva back from a suspension for submitting a non-human urinalysis. Nothing doing. Silva is out and Shogun will now face Brandon Vera in a couple of weeks. Vitor, Bisping, Big Nog, all had to bang out with injuries. Wtf. WTF!!!!!
They say shitty things happen in three’s. And for the most part that’s true. Last year my cat ran away, my girlfriend slept with a guy I know who has much bigger hands than I do, and a guy at work I had publicly referred to as a “twat” was promoted higher than me. Suffice to say it was not a very good year. This is my second jinxed card in a row now. If there’s a third, I’m quitting, changing my name to Lance, marrying a girl with a bunch of shit in her face, and selling high-grade heroin out of my house.
Still though, for all the brutal ravaging this card went through, it’s still pretty decent. I don’t feel nearly as violated as I did when I hit the “Buy” button for UFC 147. Making that purchase was about as much fun as sharing a single shower head with four other dudes, which I’m not ashamed to say I know a little something about (in boot camp you freaks). It’s just a chaotic scene. There are parts flying this way and that, dudes with soap in their eyes jockeying for position, and in such a disorderly situation, things happen – things that the decorum of Cage Potato dictates not be spoken aloud.
Anyway, let’s do this thing.
First up is Matt Riddle vs Chris Clements
Riddle is rockin’ some serious hair. Trust me, if there’s one thing in this world I know its bad hair. I went from a gigantic orange afro, right about the time that the movie Annie came out (you can imagine how magical those formative years were for me), to the prerequisite awful hair of the 80’s, to the white-boy fade of the 90’s, to the Marine Corps high and tight, to my current state of baldness – not in any sort of American History X kind of way, mind you, just an unkind genetic predisposition. So I get rough hair, and Riddle is sporting some serious locks tonight.
Respect though for coming out to Iron Butterfly.
DAYUM, Clements rolls out to “Rocking Robin.” I’m not quite sure what to make of this.
Round 1: Rachelle Leah is back and that’s pretty freakin’ great. Clements threatens with a hook, backs off. Riddle misses a jab. Riddle with a single leg, scores a trip takedown. Clements up, but eats a couple shots. Riddle with a right hook, then a kick to the ribs. Clements lands a leg kick, then an elbow, then an uppercut. They clinch, and separate. Nice right by Clements. Riddle lands a knee, and has Clements in a clinch. Riddle lands a nastybody kick, Josh Rosenthal steps in to stop the action, thinking it was a nut shot, that was a screw up. Tough break. Riddle scores another takedown. Clements is up, and Riddle is working for another takedown, takes Clements’ back instead. He lets Clements up. Riddle has a knack for not sticking with his grappling. The round closes, and it should belong to Riddle.
Round 2: Leg kick by Clements to start things off. Nice punch/kick combo by Clements. Riddle working a takedown against the cage. He gets it, but Clements is trying to wall walk. Riddle plants him again. He’s got a hook in. Losses it. Now he has Clements’ back with both hooks in, turns that into a body lock, and he’s pounding him. Still pounding him, just waiting for an opening. Clements lands a huge back elbow, but Riddle is still on his back working for a choke. He spins to side control. Another decent elbow by Clements. And another. Clements is up. Riddle lands a jab, Clements answers with a body kick. Clements sprawls to stuff a takedown, and now he’s on top, delivering some hurt. Riddle responding with elbows from the bottom to close it out. Riddle controlled most of it, probably took that one too.
Round 3: They bro hug it out to start the final frame. Front kick by Clements. Huge body shot by Clements, then a knee. He has Riddle up against the cage. They separate. Riddle throws a head kick that skims Clements’ head, he appears unfazed. Riddle scores another takedown. Riddle went for a choke, and Clements is up. Riddle has an arm triangle standing, takes him down, keeps the hold, and taps him out with it! That was sweet.
Matt Riddle wins by arm triangle at 2:02 of the third round.
Next up we have Brian Ebersole vs James Head
Is it me or does James Head require a good nickname? His name just begs for one. Please feel free to sound off with your suggestions in the comments section. I’ll go first, “Sloppy.”
Ebersole is rocking the arrow, only it’s not as bushy as last time.
Round 1: Ebersole shoots immediately, Head sprawls. He shoots again, Head easily defends. They trade blows. Ebersole lands a kick to the body. Head attacks with a right followed by a knee, Ebersole with another kick. They trade jabs. Head shrugs off a half hearted takedown attempt. Head is unloading against the cage. Ebersole escapes. Head checks a leg kick. Nice combo by Ebersole. Oof, nice right to the mug by Ebersole. He shoots again and gets stuffed. Ebersole is sticking with the takedown, and he gets it, Head has him in a guillotine, but that shit aint happening on Ebersole. He has Head against the cage, trying to keep him down. Head uses the cage to push off, but he escapes. Ebersole with a cartwheel kick, and not surprisingly, Head ends up on top to end the round.
Round 2: Ebersole again shoots immediately, Head sprawls. Ebersole charges forward with a straight left, whiffs Head. Head with a knee that barely skims Ebersole’s arrow. Straight left by Ebersole, and they clinch. Lands another straight left, then a body kick, mostly blocked. Ebersole has double under hooks, but still can’t get the takedown. Head gets his arms back, and they separate. Head lands a couple good head shots. Ebersole responds with a jab, then sloppily shoots again. Stuffed. He lands a straight to the body, then an uppercut to Head. Head going for a head clinch, not happening. Head scores on a hook. Head with a strong knee to the head, and Ebersole gets a takedown off it. Ebersole not really doing much ground and pound, and he gets swept by Head. Nice. Head is on top, but the round closes before he has a chance to mount any offense.
Round 3: Again with the weak takedown attempt. Body kick blocked by Head. Another takedown attempt, Head has a front choke, but Ebersole is impervious to that shit. Another very weak takedown try. Head with a hook followed by a knee. Good right by Ebersole. Head has Ebersole’s back, gets the takedown, but Ebersole was able to escape. Body kicks blocked by Head. Another shot defended by Head. Ebersole looks like someone gave him a Valium. Knee to the body by Head. Ugly fight, and the fans are expressing their displeasure. Another agonizing shot by Ebersole. Defended by Head. Head charges forward with a couple decent shots to the grill. The fans are booing all the half-ass takedown attempts. Ebersole on top, but the round ends. Rough fight to watch, and to score.
The decision is in, and it’s 29-28 Head, 29-28, Ebersole, and 29-28 Head with the split decision.
The big guys are next, Cheick Kongo and Shawn Jordan.
There’s only one certainty tonight, and that is that Kongo will do a double chest thump continuously from the time he begins his walk out to the first time he knees Jordan in the sack.
Jordan may not look it, but this cat is an athlete. He can run the 40 in 4.6 seconds, stick the landing on a back flip, and fold his eyelids back. I have a searing, lifelong jealousy of people who can do that nasty-ass eyelid thing.
And of course, Kongo is not doing the chest thump thing. I fail.
Round 1: They touch and it’s on. Kongo with a huge leg kick. Jordan pushes Kongo into the cage, going for a takedown. Kongo defending well, but Jordan is relentless with it. Kongo is out of danger, but he still has his back to the cage. Jordan going for it again. Kongo with a nice, wide base defending. Jordan with a punch to the ear. Kongo reverses and has Jordan’s back standing. He’s delivering a couple shots to the side of the head. And the karma gods step in as Kongo takes an elbow to the pills. Kongo is pretty miserable right about now, on his knees recovering.And they’re ready to resume. Kongo with a high kick, blocked. Jordan with a wild side kick, misses by a mile. Leg kick by Kongo. Kongo charges in with jabs, and has Jordan up against the cage. Kongo is looking for a takedown of his own, Jordan defending with an underhook. He reverses and has Kongo against the cage now, going for another double leg, switches to a single leg, then a high crotch, unsuccessful. Kongo with a knee as the round ends.
Round 2: Kongo opens with a knee to the body. Jordan has him against the cage again. Kongo reverses, and delivers a couple knees to the body. Jordan reverses and looking for another leg. Kongo has an underhook, defends. Another knee by Kongo, and a counter shot by Jordan. They’re in the clinch again, trade knees. They separate. Kongo with a nice straight right, and Jordan pushes him into the cage again. Kongo going for a takedown, stuffed. Now Jordan going for another leg, it just aint happening. Kongo takes his back standing, and punches to the temple. Kongo with a neck crank, going nowhere with that. Jordan is down and Kongo is on his back, but Jordan reverses and ends up on top in half guard. Who woulda thought this would turn into a grappling match? Jordan controlling, but doesn’t land much in the way of ground and pound.
Round 3: A lot of fists a flying to open up, but nothing landing, and they clinch again. Kongo is pressing Jordan up against the cage looking for a takedown. Jordan lands an elbow, Kongo responds with a knee. Kongo misses a jab, then lands a right. Jordan going for a double, switches to a single, that just isn’t there. Kongo with a knee to the body. Jordan throws sloppy shots, Kongo locks up with him again. Jordan with an uppercut that skims Kongo’s face. This is a brutal clinch war. Kongo looking for a neck, but Jordan doesn’t have one. Good knee to the body by Kongo. Jordan going for old faithful, that takedown that hasn’t worked yet. Knee to the head by Kongo. Jordan misses an uppercut. The round closes with the fans voicing their displeasure.
The judges score it 30-28, 30-27, and 30-27 for Cheick Kongo.
Hector Lombard vs Tim Boetsch is up next.
Hector Lombard has been inspiring passionate debate in MMA circles for a few years now. His supporters claim his ridiculous record of 31-2-1-1 proves he’s top of the food chain. His detractors claim his win column is populated by guys who eat baked beans out of a can and travel by rail free of charge. Tonight we find out.
All the pressure here is on Lombard. He comes in with a big rep. If he wins, well, no biggy, he was supposed to win. If he loses, he’s the overrated can crusher we’ve been mocking all these years. That’s a heavy load to bear. See Jorge Santiago for reference.
There has been a lot of controversy surrounding Lombard’s UFC debut because Dana White said it’s possible he could get a title shot if he’s victorious. This pissed off middleweights Michael Bisping and Mark Munoz something fierce. Of course, both those guys lost their last fights, Munoz badly – very fucking badly – so their opinions really don’t count for much. But, they do make a somewhat valid point. How can a guy come in after beating up fighters with no Wikipedia pages and get a title shot after just one win? It’s unfair dammit, and that’s not what America is about.
Boetsch reminds me of the father I never had, which is bizarre considering I’m five years older than him. I don’t know what it is, he just reminds me of a guy in his 50’s who builds decks for a living and slugs Coors (not that light shit either) from a can. And he’s about to face a guy who is just a tsunami of hurt and angst. I don’t know if I can watch this. I actually fear for Tim’s safety here.
Lombard and his team come out with black bandanas covering their faces like old school bank robbers. That must have some significance, but damned if I know what it is.
Round 1: Boetsch with a leg kick to start things off, then a push kick. Lombard shrugs off a takedown attempt very easily, then lands an uppercut. Lombard with a takedown of his own, and working to pull Boetsch off the cage. He wall walks, and is up. Another leg kick by Boetsch. Lombard is stationary, just coiled up waiting to explode. Tim is mobile, throwing lots of kicks. Push kick to the knee lands. Lombard with an overhand left, misses. Boetsch misses a hook and Lombard lands a short shot. They trade bombs. Lombard whizzes a right hook, barely connects. Good leg kick by Boetsch, goes for a takedown, Lombard stuffs it. Lombard goes high with a kick, blocked. The round closes without much happening. Boetsch probably took it on activity alone.
Round 2: Front kick to the body by Boetsch, Lombard lands a big left. Lombard lands a right then a left, and a low kick of his own. Boetsch tries a Superman punch, misses. Lombard responds with bombs, but does not connect. Boetsch with a side kick to the leg. Leg kick by Boetsch. Lombard lands a decent left, then a leg kick. Boetsch responds in kind. High kick by Boetsch misses, as does Lombard’s. Lombard lands a right hook. Uppercut by Lombard, whizzes the cheek. Low kick by Boetsch, Lombard lands a kick to the body that hurts Boetsch. Now Lombard is on his back, landing short shots to the temple. Tim is back up, Lombard with a takedown attempt, doesn’t score. They’re up against the cage, not doing much. Boetsch goes for a trip, didn’t work.
Round 3: Boetsch starts things off with a hard leg kick. Lombard responds with a shot to the head. Inside leg kick by Boetsch. Huge overhand left misses by Lombard. Lombard stalking, but not throwing anything. Boetsch goes in and eats a left. Another inside leg kick by Boetsch. Lombard shrugs Boetsch off effortlessly, but does not counter. Lombard skims a body kick. Lombard with a trip, but they both get up immediately. The crowd is booing viciously. Boetsch with a jab, pushes Lombard to the cage. Lombard reverses, and goes for a takedown, gets it. Boetsch up, lands a knee, but he’s up against the cage again. The round ends with lots of booing and a general sense of disappointment.
Damn the fans are letting them have it.
It’s 29-28 across the board, split decision goes to Tim Boetsch.
Interestingly, they skip the interviews. Not sure if it’s because of time constraints, or just to spare their hyped up acquisition the awkwardness of the boos.
But whatever, it’s main event time, Urijah Faber vs Renan Barao, baby!
You just gotta love Faber. The whole California surfer-dude thing, it’s not like after all these years it’s played out or anything. “The California Kid” rolls out to “California Love” with his California good looks and you just know your girlfriend who is sitting right next to you wishes she could make passionate love to his splendid ass-chin. Add that to the fact that he’s probably pretty wealthy, and will beat your punk ass down with minimal effort, and yeah, I hate him too. My pathetic jealousies aside, Faber is a bad dude. He’s been doing his thing in MMA for almost a decade and he’s still Top 2 in his division.
So can Renan Barao steal Faber’s soul? He seems like he’s got all the tools. Barao is a classic Nova Uniao fighter – a nasty ass Muay Thai striker who just happens to hold a BJJ black belt, ya know as like a secondary weapon of doom. He’s riding a 29 fight unbeaten streak – referred to as “unbeaten” rather than a “winning” streak because there’s a no-contest sandwiched in there. But petty technicalities aside, the guy is riding the longest non-losing streak I know of. The only problem is that until he got to the WEC in 2010 only one of his opponents had a Wikipedia page, and we all know that’s the true benchmark of a successful fighter. Plus he’s just kinda scary. I wouldn’t be surprised if he had some Gunny Hartman powers of coercion to make a fool choke himself.
Round 1: Barao misses a high kick. And another. Faber charges forward, gets pushed back with a few shots. Front kick by Faber, answered by Barao. Uppercut by Faber. Hook by Barao misses, as does a high kick. Faber answers with a high kick, misses as well. Barao misses a wheel kick. Faber lands an inside leg kick, Barao answers back with one of his own, then hits on a spinning back kick. Then lands a nice knee to the body on Faber. High kick misses by Barao, eats a jab from Faber. Inside leg kick by Barao. Body punch by Faber, then he eats a head shot. They trade jabs. Hard leg kick landed by Barao. Good right by Faber to end the round.
Round 2: Barao lands a leg kick, misses a head kick. Faber is doing a great job of not getting his leg demolished. Faber lands a good right, checks a kick. Barao gets poked in the eye, the action is halted. Here we go. Flying knee by Barao misses, and Faber has him against the cage. Faber lands a right. Good leg kick from Faber. Barao with a big leg kick. Nice body shot by Barao. Faber charges forward and misses everything. Another leg kick by Barao. They trade rights. Spinning kick by Barao misses. They trade hooks to the head. Barao with a stiff jab, followed by a leg kick. Barao lands another right, and a brutal leg kick.
Round 3: Overhand right lands by Faber. Big kick/punch combo from Barao, misses a flying knee. Faber goes for a takedown, stuffed. Barao eats a right. Front kick by Faber, eats a left for it. Good straight right by Faber. Huge straight left by Barao, stumbles Faber back. Barao lands a big leg kick. And another. A wild exchange, not much landed by either fighter. Godo uppercut to the body by Faber. Nice right by Barao. Faber with a combo, Barao covers up. Barao lands a nice kick to the leg. And another. Good jab by Faber, but he eats another leg kick. Faber slips a jab, then eats one.
Round 4: Good jab by Faber. Nice overhand left landed by Barao. Faber jumps in, lands to the head. Huge leg kick by Barao. Body punch by Faber. Spinning kick misses by Barao. Faber grazes him with a left. Faber takes a finger to the eye, but he appears fine. Barao lands a left hook. Faber with a jab. Faber lands a low kick of his own. Faber goes for a takedown, Barao stuffs it easily. Barao with a combination, then a leg kick. Good straight right by Barao, followed by a hook to the body. Faber shoots, gets pushed back. They trade shots. The round ends, and Faber is down. He has to get down and dirty, wedgies, wet willies, whatever it takes man.
Round 5: They hut it out, and the final round begins. Barao lands a straight left. Faber misses a kick. Body jab from Faber, then he eats a shot to the mug. Barao with a left hook, then a jab. Faber connects with a left. Then lands a shot to the body. Faber catches a leg, but can’t do anything with it. They trade jabs. Faber pushes forward, there’s nothing there for him. Barao catches Faber’s leg and blasts him. Big left hook from Barao. Superman punch lands from Faber. Massive leg kick from Barao. Then a stiff left jab. Barao lands a big right. Barao misses another spinning kick, and that’s that.
Barring a fluke, Barao got this.
The decision is in, 49-46, 50-45, 49-46 and Renan Barao wins the unanimous decision.
There it is, folks. Renan Barao is the UFC Interim Bantamweight Champion, for whatever that’s worth.
That’s it for me, y’all, thanks for chilling. It’s time to pop a Coors and just be glad that Boetsch is still alive.
(Luckily, Scott Coker was there to break the tension with one of his trademark sauerkraut farts. I’m sorry, I usually don’t go that lowbrow, but nobody’s reading this, right? / Props: Esther Lin/Showtime)
If you’re here with us tonight, we thank you and welcome you. Tonight, Strikeforce is presenting a title fight double-bill, with Luke Rockhold attempting to make his second middleweight belt-defense against Tim Kennedy, and Nate Marquardt and Tyron Woodley throwing down for the vacant 170-pound strap. Plus, Robbie Lawler welcomes Lorenz Larkin to the middleweight division, and Keith Jardine gets a third chance to earn a win in Strikeforce, this time against BJJ scion Roger Gracie.
We’ll be giving you round-by-round results from the Showtime main card starting at 10 p.m. ET. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest, and feel free to discuss Gustav Klimt and Michael Clark Duncan’s heart-attack in the comments section.
(Luckily, Scott Coker was there to break the tension with one of his trademark sauerkraut farts. I’m sorry, I usually don’t go that lowbrow, but nobody’s reading this, right? / Props: Esther Lin/Showtime)
If you’re here with us tonight, we thank you and welcome you. Tonight, Strikeforce is presenting a title fight double-bill, with Luke Rockhold attempting to make his second middleweight belt-defense against Tim Kennedy, and Nate Marquardt and Tyron Woodley throwing down for the vacant 170-pound strap. Plus, Robbie Lawler welcomes Lorenz Larkin to the middleweight division, and Keith Jardine gets a third chance to earn a win in Strikeforce, this time against BJJ scion Roger Gracie.
We’ll be giving you round-by-round results from the Showtime main card starting at 10 p.m. ET. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest, and feel free to discuss Gustav Klimt and Michael Clark Duncan’s heart-attack in the comments section.
Robbie Lawler vs. Lorenz Larkin
Larkin’s not doing the pink-streak-in-his-hair thing tonight? I feel like I don’t know this man anymore. Ranallo and Miletich talk about how Robbie Lawler’s got his asthma under control, so look out, world.
Round 1: Larkin takes the center of the cage. Lawler throws a tentative kick to make first contact. Each man respecting the other’s power. Larkin tries a kick of his own but misses. Robbie lands a hard, short hook and Larkin is on wobbly legs already. Lawler tries to capitalize and they clinch against the cage. Larkin clears the cobwebs, scores a very slick trip takedown and gets on top of Lawler. Larkin in Lawler’s guard. Lawler on his feet. Larkin pushes him against the fence, throws a knee to the body. Nice dirty boxing from Larkin and a flying knee. Lawler gives some punches right back, but takes a stiff uppercut. Lakin throws more uppercuts in close with the help of a collar-tie clinch. More inside shots to the bell. I’d score it 10-9 for Larkin.
Round 2: Leg kick Larkin. And another. Larkin throws one high. A hard inside leg kick from Larkin. Larkin with a sharp straight right followed by a leg kick and Lawler is covering up and retreating. Larkin clinches up to work his inside game some more but Lawler punches out of it.They clinch again and Lawler drops for a leg. Larkin spins into a guillotine attempt. Lawer out. They return to the clinch against the cage. Short punch from Larkin. The ref breaks ‘em. Larkin bounces a kick off Lawler’s head that splits him open badly. The round ends and Larkin clinched it with the damage from that kick.
Round 3: Lawler stalking and throwing, trying to be aggressive and get the finish in the last round. Lawler goes for the single-leg against the fence, and Larkin is defending. Larkin gets out and gets slugged with punches. Larkin with a hook, but a follow-up spinning backfist misses. Nice head kick from Lawler. Larkin measuring. Lawler backs him up with a lead hook. They trade kicks. Larkin lands with short, straight punches. He’s outboxing Lawler now. Hook and an uppercut from Larkin. Leg kick Larkin. Lawler tries a head kick, but it’s blocked. More short, nasty punches from Larkin. Elbows from larkin. Lawler fires some Hail Mary haymakers at the bell, but they miss, and we’re going to the cards. Should be a no-brainer here; the fight was all Monsoon. And an impressive showing in his middleweight debut.
Larkin def. Lawler via unanimous decision (30-27 x 3). During the post-fight interview with Ranallo, Larkin admits that Lawler made him do the stanky-leg in round 1. After telling us that the better man will win tonight in Rockhold vs. Kennedy (insightful!), Larkin drops to his knees and begs Dana White to start giving out end-of-night bonuses in Strikeforce. Come on bro, Dana doesn’t do charity. Go ask Mr. Sauerkraut Fart.
Roger Gracie vs. Keith Jardine
Round 1: Oh yeah, there’s that herky-jerky style we’ve missed so much. Jardine’s lead hand is nowhere near his face, and he’s lunging forward with his chin. He rushes in, Gracie clinches with him, and immediately takes him down. Gracie in half guard. Gracie looking to pass, but Jardine shutting him down so far. Gracie wraps up Jardine’s neck, looking for a choke, but Jardine gets up. With a little help from a fence-grab, Gracie gets the fight back down to the mat. Gracie stuffs Jardine against the cage, slugs him in the face a couple times, then passes to mount. Short elbow from Gracie. Gracie turns Jardine away from the fence and fires some short elbows. And a couple more that have some serious sting on them. The horn sounds and Jardine walks off to his corner, bleeding as usual.
Round 2: Once again, Jardine gallops in throwing terrible-looking jabs, gets snatched up and dumped on the mat. I’m starting to think this Keith Jardine guy doesn’t have a bright future in the sport. Gracie takes Jardine’s back as the Dean tries to escape. Jardine’s face is pouring blood. Gracie looking for that rear-naked choke. Gracie sinks the hooks for a body-triangle. Jardine is in the worst position possible against a grappler of Roger’s caliber, but he’s surviving. Jardine throws some desperate punches behind himself at Gracie. Gracie transitions to the arm-triangle, but doesn’t get that either. So he goes back to mount and rides out the rest of the round. Another 10-9 for Gracie, on the Unofficial CagePotato Scorecards.
Round 3: Gracie with a push kick to the body. Gracie looking a little tired on the feet. Jardine goes to the body. Gracie makes an awkward takedown attempt (too slow, too high) and doesn’t get it. This is Jardine’s moment to turn the tables, but I guarantee he won’t. Gracie tries to clinch, Jardine pulls out. Ditto. Jardine with a 1-2. He comes in firing again, Gracie drops low and tries for another takedown to slow him down. Jardine escapes, fires more punches. Okay, Gracie is basically done here. He just needs to make it to the end of the round. Gracie lands a knee from clinch. Jardine lifts his arms in Diaz-esque fashion. Gracie with a jab. Gracie lands a front kick to the body. Jardine windmills some punches. Gracie clinches. Jardine whiffs one more by a mile before the last bell sounds. He might have taken the round on aggression, but that’s another win for Gracie, whose gas-tank failed him in the third-round.
Gracie def. Jardine via unanimous decision (29-27, 30-27, 30-26). Gracie blames his gas-out on a poorly-timed weight cut, but says he’ll be staying at 185.
Nate Marquardt vs. Tyron Woodley
Nate Marquardt still looks pretty jacked at 170. And so far, it’s been a good night for guys dropping to new weight classes. Tyron Woodley’s mom is the new Rashad Evans’s wife, volume-wise.
Round 1: Woodley comes out fast. Marquardt lands a groin kick that briefly pauses the action. Woodley smashes Marquardt with a punch coming in and Marquardt stumbles backwards. Woodley follows and takes Marquardt’s back. Marquardt turns and defends. They trade knees and separate. Now it’s Marquardt’s turn to land a huge shot that stumbles Woodley. Marquardt swarms and tries to lock in a guillotine on the mat. Woodley escapes. Nice knee to the grill from Marquardt in a clinch. They separate. Marquardt lands to the body. They clinch again and Marquardt gets in a short hook. Woodley punches out. Marquardt chases and attacks. Woodley rolls out, and Marquardt runs forward throwing punches to the bell. 10-9 Marquardt.
Round 2: Leg kick Marquardt, who starts out as the aggressor this time. Woodley throws a spinning backfist that’s mostly blocked. Hard leg kick from Marquardt. Marquardt lands a diving right hand. Brief clinch. Another leg kick from Marquardt shakes Woodley. Again. Damn, Woodley’s mom is annoying. Inside leg kick Marquardt. Woodley’s not doing much besides retreating and taking leg kicks. Great spinning back kick from Marquardt! Another long straight right from Marquardt lands. Marquardt follows it with a takedown. Woodley works to his feet. High kick Marquardt, counter right hand from Woodley. That’s the bell. Clear 10-9 for Marquardt. Woodley looked slow in that round; he’s got 15 more minutes to go and he needs to wake up.
Round 3: 1-2 from T-Wood. Woodley swarms with more punches, and knocks Marquardt to the mat! Yep, Woodley just woke up. Woodley working some ground and pound. Marquardt looks for the armbar but can’t put it together. The ref stands ‘em pretty quickly after a brief stalemate. Woodley whiffs a superman punch. Wide hook from Woodley. Heavy leg kick from Marquardt. And a nice body punch. Woodley has officially lost his momentum again. Marquardt presses him against the cage, works some knees, and an elbow. And another. One more big punch until the bell. Harder round to score; Woodley looked great early, but then let Marquardt take over again.
Round 4: Body shot by Marquardt. And a big right to the face. Leg kick. Now Marquardt lands some nasty punches to Woodley’s face. Woodley’s got some chin on him. Again, a right hand from Marquardt snaps Woodley’s head back. And BOOM: Marquardt with some dynamite elbows to Woodley’s head against the fence, then a hook and one more uppercut to Woodley’s face as his legs give out. Nate strolls off like a boss, no follow-up shots needed. Incredible knockout. Nate the Great is back, and he’s got a belt to prove it.
Marquardt def. Woodley via KO, 1:39 of round 4. Woodley’s mom is eerily quiet.
And now, the main event…
Luke Rockhold vs. Tim Kennedy
Round 1: Rockhold stalking Kennedy against the fence. Kennedy launches forward with a punch to avoid getting jammed up. Rockhold misses a high kick. They clinch. Knee from Rockhold, and they separate. Kennedy again with that long, diving punch. Rockhold presses him against the fence again, and there’s another knee. Short elbow from Kennedy. They separate. Body kick Kennedy. Rockhold makes hard contact in a flurry of punches. Rockhold pushes Kennedy against the fence, but Kennedy reverses position and slams Rockhold to the mat. Rockhold keeping Kennedy stuck in half-guard. Rockhold considering a straight armlock. He stretches Kennedy’s arm out but loses it. Rockhold gets to his feet. They slug in close from a clinch. There’s the horn. Tight round, but I might give it to Rockhold for landing more significant strikes.
Round 2: Rockhold opens with a head kick. Kennedy tries to respond with a takedown, but Rockhold takes his back in a scramble. Rockhold trying to hold the position. They trade elbows from a mutual crouching position. Kennedy bulls his way up. Wide hook from Kennedy misses. Rockhold wades in and throws hard punches. He lands a dead-on straight right, followed by a body kick. Front kick to the face by Kennedy. They go to the mat, and Rockhold briefly looks for the armlock again. They’re up, and clinched against the cage. Kennedy lands a short elbow on the way out. They exchange punches. Rockhold tries a turning side kick. Kennedy with a nice counter-punch after being tagged. Rockhold with a question-mark kick that lands. Rockhold pushes Kennedy back with punches. They both try kicks. And that’s the horn. I have the champ up two rounds to none.
Round 3: Leg kick Kennedy. He drops low and clinches, putting Rockhold against the fence. Knee to the body from Kennedy. He does it again but lands to the crotch this time. They take a break, and Rockhold is warned for shorts-grabbing. Rockhold lands flush with a right hook. Kennedy drops low to clinch again as Rockhold starts to pour it on. They break. High kick Kennedy. Rockhold with a left hand, then another hard straight left. Quick leg kick from Kennedy. Kennedy dodges and counter-punches. Rockhold tries a couple more of those Brazilian kicks. They clinch, and Kennedy scrambles and takes Rockhold’s back. Rockhold rolls and stands, but Kennedy stays on him. Rockhold with a nice escape. Rockhold tries a spinning back kick at the horn.
Round 4: Rockhold moves in, Kennedy responds with a pair of uppercuts. Rockhold following him around the cage. Kennedy sticks and moves with a leg kick and a side kick to the body. But Rockhold is still the aggressor and lands punches whenever he can find Kennedy. Hard body kick from Rockhold. High kick Rockhold, counter punch Kennedy. Rockhold goes to the body. They both land hard rights at the same time, but Rockhold’s was apparently a little harder because Kennedy falls to the mat. Kennedy tries a guillotine, Rockhold escapes it and they both return to their feet. they clinch against the fence. Rockhold tries to drag Kennedy down, Kennedy reserves him, then Rockhold reverses him, ending the round on top.
Round 5: Again, Kennedy is content to backpedal in the standup exchanges. That’s not the best strategy to win a title fight, and won’t help the Jackson camp’s reputation for that sort of thing. Nice straight left from Rockhold. Kennedy grabs on against the fence, dropping low for a takedown. A mad scramble that ends with Kennedy looking for a guillotine choke. Rockhold escapes and drives a knee to Kennedy’s ribs before escaping. Side kick to the body from Kennedy. Kennedy driving forward to clinch. Rockhold gets out. Not enough sense of urgency from kennedy, who’s clearly down on points. Knee to the ribs from Rockhold in the clinch. Dirty boxing inside. Kennedy drives forward for another clinch as the last horn sounds. Nothin’ left but to make it official.
Rockhold def. Kennedy via unanimous decision (49-46 x 3). Solid performance for the defending champ, and Rockhold credits his team for his win over Kennedy. But it just wasn’t a fight that will drastically change public opinion of either man. Will Rockhold have to face Larkin or Gracie now, or will he just fight Jacare Souza again? Who else is there? On the bright side, Nate Marquardt is back from the dead, and did it hormone-free if you believe him. So what did you think of tonight’s fights? Sleep on it, and we’ll talk more tomorrow and Monday. Sweet dreams, Potato Nation.
Riding shotgun on the card are Joey Beltran and James Te Huna. The Mexicutioner picked up a victory and a tapeworm while away from the UFC; he returns tonight as a light heavyweight to slug it out with the heavy-handed Kiwi. Someone’s getting concussed.
All of the cool kids are inside talking about the fights. If you’re cool, you’ll join us too.
Sure, UFC 148 had countless hours of commercials and press conferences, but did you get a look at this poster?!? (Photo: UFC.com)
Riding shotgun on the card are Joey Beltran and James Te Huna. The Mexicutioner picked up a victory and a tapeworm while away from the UFC; he returns tonight as a light heavyweight to slug it out with the heavy-handed Kiwi. Someone’s getting concussed.
All of the cool kids are inside talking about the fights. If you’re cool, you’ll join us too.
And we…are…LIVE!!! They were billing the main event as a #1 Contender Bout in the pre-show, and since that designation is legally binding I guess we’ll be seeing the winner of the Munoz-Weidman bout facing Anderson Silva soon. Well, that’s settled.
Here we go!
Rafael dos Anjos vs. Anthony Njokuani
R1: Dos Anjos tries a Segal kick to the face, but whiffs. Nice inside leg kick by Dos Anjos and Njokuani fires back with a combo. BIG left floors Njokuani and Dos Anjos is all over him with a takedown, but it’s short lived and Njokuani is back to his feet. Another takedown by the Brazilian, but Njokuani is back up again. The Assassin pushes off and we’re back to a striking match. Both men are measuring their attacks and slow to commit. Dos Anjos has Njokuani backing up, but we’re still short on exchanges. Dos Anjos with another shot, but he’s stuffed and relegated to knee striking Njokuani against the cage.
R2: Dos Anjos returns to that heavy inside leg kick to open the second frame. The Nigerian responds with a body kick. We’re still in single-shot mode–very few combos getting launched. Njokuani is grunting like Monica Seles with each strike. Dos Anjos is working for the takedown again, but he can’t drag The Assassin to the ground. Dos Anjos wants this fight on the ground, and he finally hoists Njokuani up for the slam. Njokuani manages to work his way out of half guard and we’re back on our feet with Dos Anjos maintaining his body lock death grip, eager to return to the canvas. That was, what? Four missed takedowns? But lucky number five gets the job done and we’re back on the mat. Dos Anjos was looking for an arm in guillotine, but Njokuani stands up again and the horn sounds.
R3: Njokuani is down here, so he’ll likely need to put Dos Anjos away. Dos Anjos circling around while Njokuani is landing a punch here or there. Dos Anjos responds with a nice right hand. Dos Anjos is crowding Njokuani now, but still not letting go. Ok, now he fires off a combo then presses Njokuani up against the cage as he works for a takedown. Denied, but Dos Anjos is nothing if not diligent–he gets the The Assassin down on his second shot. The Brazilian has half mount and probably has his eye on a kimura, but he gives it up to drop some leather. He opened up a little too much and Njokuani is back to his feet as the fight comes to a close. We’re headed to the scorecards.
And Rafael Dos Anjos takes the uanimous decision (30-27 x 2 and 29-28)
We’ve got a bantamweight battle up next.
T.J. Dillashaw vs. Vaughan Lee
R1: Dillashaw breaks the silence with a combo, and Lee returns fire with some heavy shots of his own. Dillashaw misses with a wild head kick. The former TUF’er ducks a head kick, scoops Lee’s leg, and dumps him to the mat, but the Brit is back to his feet. Dillashaw’s not giving up on that takedown, though, and he works his way to Lee’s back and sinks his hooks in while standing. Lee’s fighting off the rear naked choke attempt on his feet, but Dillashaw is cranking away. Aaaand the tapout! Dillashaw scores a first round submission victory.
T.J. Dillashaw wins via neck crank (2:33 R1)
And we take a break in tonight’s action to promote the Urijah Faber–Renan Barao bout at UFC 149. Shockingly, no one was seriously injured in the production of the commercial.
Karlos Vemola vs. Francis Carmont
R1: Vemola circles away and bull rushes in for the takedown, but Carmont stuffs the shot. Temporarily, that is–Vemola drags him down with a body lock. Carmont works his way free and stands up directly into a standing guillotine. The French Canadian takes Vemola down, but is still in the choke. Let’s hope his air is “Limitless”. (See what I did there? It’s because of his nickname. That’s why it’s hilarious.) Carmont pulls his head free and has Vemola pinned against the cage in side-mount. Now Carmont is slapping on a painful looking key lock, which he uses to take mount. Vemola frees his arm and works back to his feet, almost finding himself in a guillotine as well. Oh, now Carmont wants the takedown and Vemola has him in an arm-in guillotine. Carmont escapes and probably would have gone for a guillotine had time not expired.
R2: Big front kick to the grill of Vemola, but he’s still breathing long enough to charge in for a stuffed takedown. Carmont drops down for a…wait for it…guillotine, but Vemola rolls free. Vemola working hard for the takedown, but Carmont drops to his own back with Vemola’s arms trapped in a crucifix. Limitless switches it up to a rear naked, squeezes the hell out of it, and draws the tap.
Francis Carmont wins via rear naked choke (1:39 R2)
Up next we’re taking a trip to the welterweight division.
Aaron Simpson vs. Kenny Robertson
R1: Robertson fires off a huge head kick that catches nada but air, then rushes in and presses Simpson against the cage with a body lock. Simpson pushes him off and scores a knee to the body. They are throwing! Both men land hands before Robertson delivers a few knees to the gut six pack. Simpson is hte first to secure a takedown but it’s short lived. Robertson gets back to his feet and a wild tumult of reversals ends with Robertson landing a big right hand that splits Simpson’s wig open along the hairline. Simpson forces action up against the cage, but Roberston spins around and presses Simpson to the fence. Both men are fighting to gain the wrestling advantage, which Simpson gains momentarily as he gets behind Robertson and takes him down. Robertson is quickly back up. Damn, we’ve got a fight on our hands.
R2: Robertson responds to a punch with an attempted judo toss, but is denied and Simpson takes his back standing once again. Knees to the ass from Simpson and after more jockeying for grappling control he puts Robertson on his back. Robertson is struggling to get up which allows A Train to take his back. Back up, back down, back up. There’s a lot of positional control and reversing going on here between these two capable wrestlers. Simpson had a bizarre rear facing mount for a moment, but he’s able to get behind Robertson once more and deliver some hard shots on the ground for the last minute of the frame.
R3: Robertson is looking a little fatigued as we enter the final round. Spinning back kick from Simpson misses its mark. More clinchwork against the cage ends with Simpson taking Roberson’s back and dragging him to the canvas once more. A Train nearly locks up a reverse triangle choke, but Robertson escapes and gets back to his feet. Simpson, clearly the fresher of the two, slams him back to the ground. Simpson is standing over Robertson in guard dropping down some heavy fists to the head and body. Simpson moves to side mount with thirty seconds left. He’s trying to grab an arm, but chooses to wail on Robertson to close the fight.
Aaron Simpson wins via unanimous decision (30-27 & 29-28 x 2)
Like Babe Ruth promising that sick kid a homerun, I’m going to guarantee you kids a knock out in this one. Unfortunately, if I’m wrong you all die of cancer. It’s a gamble, but one that I’m willing to make.
James Te Huna vs. Joey Beltran
R1: No time wasted between these two. They’re both throwing, but Te Huna is reaching Beltran first. Te Huna looks mighty relaxed out there, though Beltran isn’t shy to throw. It’s a measured pace, but both men are uncorking their hands. Te Huna went for a reverse elbow like Silva-Frykland but missed. Te Huna scores with a combo and has Beltran backing up. Te Huna is letting the hands go now. Big right. He looks very confident and is mixing up his strikes. Beltran counters and clips Te Huna before spinning and pressing him against the cage. Te Huna get free from the cage and is connecting with big shots. He knocks Beltran down with a huge left hook and follows him to the ground. Te Huna working hard from mount with ground and pound, but Beltran somehow gets back up and eats plenty of more haymakers as the bell sounds.
R2: Mexicutioner gutted out that last round, let’s see what he’s got. Te Huna is very confident out there, mixing it up with body shots, upper cuts, etc. Beltran isn’t reaching him, but he’s standing tall. Te Huna with a single leg plants Beltran on his back…interesting choice considering he was owning the striking, but Beltran has power. Te Huna is working from guard, but the Mexicutioner nullifies his attack and they get stood up. Te Huna launches his hands before failing on another takedown. Beltran just isn’t reaching the New Zealander with his hands. Or feet. Te Huna’s slowed his attack as the clock ticked away and got tagged with a short shot that dropped him to his knees as the bell rang.
R3: Beltran is eager to throw, as he can’t take the decision at this point. Beltran forces Te Huna against the cage and lands a few elbows as they separate. Te Huna dumps him to the mat momentarily, but they’re back on their feet. There’s going to be a lot of cancer in Potatoland if no one finds the off-switch. Te Hun brings the action to the mat, but Beltran is back up. Big body shots by Te Huna, but Beltran don’t care. Two minutes left. Te Huna dumps Beltran to the canvas but lets him back up; the Kiwi’s looking tired now as Beltran takes him down. One minute. They’re standing again as Beltran scores a tight elbow against the cage. Beltran is going for it as the clock ticks down. And they slug away until the end. They’re headed to the scorecards. You’re headed to the oncologist.
James Te Huna takes the unanimous decision (30-26 & 30-27 x 2)
Time for our main event. We’re scheduled for five rounds of action; let’s see if it takes that long to find a winner.
Mark Munoz vs. Chris Weidman
R1: Wiedman opens with a couple of high kicks before ducking down and shooting in. All American off to a good start in control on the ground in side mount. Weidman works his way to Munoz’s back, but the Filipino Wrecking Machine stands up before eating two knees and returning to safer territory on the ground. Weidman maintains top control and nearly sinks in a guillotine before opting to drop some ‘bows. Weidman is calm and an in control as he drops elbows and tries to isolate an arm. The crowd boos–they didn’t pay for high level grappling and momentary lapses in action! Weidman pounces on another guillotine from mount. Munoz scrambles free, but Weidman is all over him. They’re up on their feet and Weidman lands another knee before taking Munoz’s back. The round is over. That was all Weidman. Every second over it.
R2: Weidman takes him down again as soon as they’re within feet of each other. More control on the ground from Weidman, but Munoz wrangles free and we’re back to a standup battle. Munoz lunges in with a punch and Weidman connects with a hard elbow. Munoz drops forward, out cold, and the ref doesn’t notice for a good twenty to thirty seconds as Weidman pounds away. Munoz is bleeding like a stuck pig all over the canvas. Horribly late stoppage.
My god, that whole fight was Weidman’s, bell to bell. He extends his record to a perfect 9-0.
Chris Weidman scores the TKO victory (1:37 R2)
Well, that’s a wrap on tonight’s action. In the words of Seth Falvo, I need a Mr. Pibb and a blowjob, and not necessarily in that order. Take it easy, Nation.
