Tag: Mayhem Miller

The Greatest Erotic MMA Fan Fiction of All Time


(Come up with your own caption, perverts. / Photo via Getty)

UFC Fight Night 56 happened last night and it was pretty boring. During the lull in action, we wondered if there was a prominent MMA fan fiction scene. It turns out there was! The only drawback: A vast majority of the stories featured prominent fighters having sex with other prominent fighters.

We’re not really sure how to say this with our characteristic irreverent tone, so we’re just going to flat out say it: There’s a shit load of MMA slash fic out there. We found it. It’s…well, you need to see for yourself. We don’t like to exaggerate in the headlines but this stuff is far out.

Please don’t construe this as us trying to insult the author. We’re the guys who watch Ultimate Surrender, so we can’t judge how anyone gets their rocks off. We just thought these stories were kind of funny. We think it’s great someone is passionate enough about MMA to write this kind of stuff, honestly. Here are some excerpts from the more wild stories:


(Come up with your own caption, perverts. / Photo via Getty)

UFC Fight Night 56 happened last night and it was pretty boring. During the lull in action, we wondered if there was a prominent MMA fan fiction scene. It turns out there was! The only drawback: A vast majority of the stories featured prominent fighters having sex with other prominent fighters.

We’re not really sure how to say this with our characteristic irreverent tone, so we’re just going to flat out say it: There’s a shit load of MMA slash fic out there. We found it. It’s…well, you need to see for yourself. We don’t like to exaggerate in the headlines but this stuff is far out.

Please don’t construe this as us trying to insult the author. We’re the guys who watch Ultimate Surrender, so we can’t judge how anyone gets their rocks off. We just thought these stories were kind of funny. We think it’s great someone is passionate enough about MMA to write this kind of stuff, honestly. Here are some excerpts from the more wild stories:

Title: UFC 178 Date
Fighters who bang: Nick Diaz and Alexander Gustafsson.
Summary: Nate Diaz pukes on Gustafsson and passes out. Then Gustafsson punches Nick Diaz in the face and Nick gives him a blowjob.
Excerpt:

He leaned over and kissed Nick on the cheek that he punched. Nick turned towards him and kissed him back. Gustafsson took his shirt off. He’d been dying to get it off. It still smelled of Nate’s vomit. Nick kept his T-shirt on and both fighters made out on the sofa.

Check out the full story for the x-rated parts [Ed’s note: We’d post the erotic details here but corporate doesn’t really like serious, hardcore fetish writing posted on their web properties.]

Title: Mayhem In Stockton
Fighters who bang: Nick Diaz and Mayhem Miller.
Summary: After Mayhem Miller loses to CB Dollaway, he runs into Nick Diaz in the locker room. They have a scuffle and Diaz gives Miller a blowjob.
Excerpt:

He laid still as Diaz hiked up his shirt and started to kiss his chest. ‘Hey Nick how much have you smoked today?’ Miller asked, confused.
‘None, you want me to stop?’ Diaz asked, leaning over on Miller’s stomach and twisting his belt.
‘Fuck no, just making conversation,’ Miller said as he pushed Nick’s hand away and undid his own belt. Miller kind of guessed that Nick hadn’t been the academic type at school and Diaz wasn’t gonna give ‘the eggheads’ a run for their money, but he had to give it to him, the kid knew how to give a good blowjob.

Again, see the full story for more sexy details.

Title: Weidman vs. Silva 3.
Fighters who bang: Chris Weidman, Anderson Silva (with a cameo from Nick Diaz)
Summary: Chris Weidman visits Anderson Silva in the hospital after their second fight and they make out and do some light foreplay.
Excerpt:

‘Now I have to go back to the hotel room…without you. It sucks,’ Chris said leaning over and kissing Silva on the mouth. Silva didn’t have the energy to kiss him back, but he stroked Chris’ arm instead. Weidman and Silva had been seeing each other since early June, before their first fight during UFC 162. Neither of them had planned it. For both of them. It was casual. Chris liked it that way, until tonight. Ever since that kick, Chris had jsut wanted to take Silva home and look after him.

Here’s a link to the full story.

Title: Dana vs. Daley
Fighters who bang: Dana White and Paul Daley.
Summary: Paul Daley gets on his knees so he can return to the UFC.
Excerpt:

Without warning Paul scurried over to Dana on the chair and kissed him. Without thinking Dana kissed him back. They made out on the sofa until Paul started to unbuckle Dana’s jeans. Dana’s leg twitched.

Read the full story.

—

Those were the most notable stories. And to reiterate, we’re not trying to make fun of the guy who wrote these. We throw shade at Zuffa (and Viacom) brass, not at MMA fans just trying to have fun and share their love (albeit erotic) of MMA with other people. If you’d like more MMA fan fiction, go here — though we can understand if you never want to read MMA fanfic again.

Mayhem Miller Pleads Not Guilty to Resisting and Obstructing Officer Charges


(This face says a lot, but lawbreaker? Nahhh son.)

For today’s installment of the CagePotato Tri-County Blotter, we once again return to former UFC middleweight Jason “Mayhem” Miller, who you *might* recall was detained by SWAT units last week following a standoff with police, that he live-tweeted. While Orange County police were originally paying Miller a visit to bring him in on stalking, domestic violence, and criminal contempt charges, his three-hour standoff forced them to slap an obstructing an officer and resisting arrest charges as well.

According to ABC7 in Los Angeles, it appears that Miller will be fighting those last two aforementioned charges, and thank God for that.

“MMA fighter Jason @mayhemmiller pleads not guilty to resisting and obstructing officer charge,” tweeted ABC7’s Julie Sone yesterday.

Additionally, MMAFighting has obtained police records which claim that Miller was able to post the $200,000 bond after spending 7 days in jail. NOTE TO CITIZENS OF MISSION VIEJO: Lock up your daughters, lock up your wives, lock up your back doors and run for your lives.

As luck would have it, Miller has already taken to Twitter to vent his frustrations with the manner in which he was arrested…


(This face says a lot, but lawbreaker? Nahhh son.)

For today’s installment of the CagePotato Tri-County Blotter, we once again return to former UFC middleweight Jason “Mayhem” Miller, who you *might* recall was detained by SWAT units last week following a standoff with police, that he live-tweeted. While Orange County police were originally paying Miller a visit to bring him in on stalking, domestic violence, and criminal contempt charges, his three-hour standoff forced them to slap an obstructing an officer and resisting arrest charges as well.

According to ABC7 in Los Angeles, it appears that Miller will be fighting those last two aforementioned charges, and thank God for that.

“MMA fighter Jason @mayhemmiller pleads not guilty to resisting and obstructing officer charge,” tweeted ABC7′s Julie Sone yesterday.

Additionally, MMAFighting has obtained police records which claim that Miller was able to post the $200,000 bond after spending 7 days in jail. NOTE TO CITIZENS OF MISSION VIEJO: Lock up your daughters, lock up your wives, lock up your back doors and run for your lives.

As luck would have it, Miller has already taken to Twitter to vent his frustrations with the manner in which he was arrested.


I’ll admit, I legit lol’d at that name change.

Mayhem also took to the social medias and Internets following his most recent hearing, stating that “Court went well. I have faith in America and California. I have Faith.”

So yeah, it appears that Miller is now free to commit whatever atrocities he can before he is inevitably arrested again, and is seemingly taunting Orange County Police for having the gall to break into the house he barricaded himself inside in order to arrest him. In other news, the sky is blue, grass is green, Chris Weidman is the yin to Miller’s yang, etc.

–J. Jones

Video: Mayhem Miller Is Detained By SWAT Units Following Hours-Long Standoff

Well yesterday took a turn for the weird, didn’t it? Here I was just sitting in my office, counting down the minutes until I could punch out early without the fear of BG’s almighty hand (he’s in NYC doing casting couch sessions for aspiring writers or some shit), when suddenly, everyone’s all like, “Hey Jared, Mayhem Miller’s live-tweeting his standoff with LA S.W.A.T right now. Maybe get on that.”

I tried to brush it off at first, thinking Miller is just going on one of his crazypants bananas rants again, but upon further, journalistical research (checking my Twitter feed), I find out that, yes, Mayhem is actually doing that thing people said he was. Crazy.

Thankfully, Miller surrendered a few hours after barricading himself inside his Mission Viejo home, bringing a bizarre ending to the latest in what has been a series of bizarre incidents involving Mayhem Miller. And today, some lovely, helicopter-shot footage of Miller being apprehended has been released for us all to watch before putting our heads in our hands and asking where it all went wrong.

Though absent of the crisis negotiation team and robotic bomb squad that were apparently present at the scene, the video captures roughly a dozen SWAT members exiting Mayhem’s home with a shirtless and pink-mohawked Miller in handcuffs. In the front there is Gator Dog, calmly patrolling the poolside and wondering why the men in masks are taking away his owner for the 1000th time. This whole thing makes me sad.

After the jump: A few photos/details of the arrest and the most insultingly generalized reaction piece yet.

Well yesterday took a turn for the weird, didn’t it? Here I was just sitting in my office, counting down the minutes until I could punch out early without the fear of BG’s almighty hand (he’s in NYC doing casting couch sessions for aspiring writers or some shit), when suddenly, everyone’s all like, “Hey Jared, Mayhem Miller’s live-tweeting his standoff with LA S.W.A.T right now. Maybe get on that.”

I tried to brush it off at first, thinking Miller is just going on one of his crazypants bananas rants again, but upon further, journalistical research (checking my Twitter feed), I find out that, yes, Mayhem is actually doing that thing people said he was. Crazy.

Thankfully, Miller surrendered a few hours after barricading himself inside his Mission Viejo home, bringing a bizarre ending to the latest in what has been a series of bizarre incidents involving Mayhem Miller. And today, some lovely, helicopter-shot footage of Miller being apprehended has been released for us all to watch before putting our heads in our hands and asking where it all went wrong.

Though absent of the crisis negotiation team and robotic bomb squad that were apparently present at the scene, the video captures roughly a dozen SWAT members exiting Mayhem’s home with a shirtless and pink-mohawked Miller in handcuffs. In the front there is Gator Dog, calmly patrolling the poolside and wondering why the men in masks are taking away his owner for the 1000th time. This whole thing makes me sad.

The LA Times reports that Miller will be held on $200,000 bail and is set to appear in court on Tuesday, October 14th. In addition to the domestic violence, stalking, and criminal contempt charges he was already facing, Mayhem has been slapped with an “obstructing a peace officer” charge as well.

One has to imagine that this will be the end of the road for Miller, who has been racking up criminal charges on a near constant basis since 2012, and what a shame it has been to witness his unfortunate downward spiral. Of course, if you’re The Daily Beast’s Robert Silverman, you can just write-off Miller’s demise as a “byproduct of the sport itself”, as he did in this insultingly under-researched article published earlier today.

The MMA Fighters Have Gone Crazy: ‘Mayhem’ Miller the Latest in a Long Line of Psycho Pugilists

While there’s no conclusive link between chronic traumatic encephalopathy—a degenerative disease brought on by multiple concussions and head injuries—and domestic violence, the symptoms of CTE include impaired judgment, impulse control problems, and increased aggression.

It’s not just the repeated blows to the head. Like all major sports, the UFC prohibits the use of performance enhancing drugs, but the rules haven’t been much of an impediment to rampant use. And whether the current drug of choice is human growth hormone combined with testosterone, or old school anabolic steroids, amphetamines, and the abuse of painkillers, there’s plenty of clinical studies that show a connection to increased hostility and aggression.

On top of all that, MMA (and yes, pro football too) is exactly the kind of sport that’s going to attract the hypermasculine, as in the clinically hypermasculine; those that are known to exhibit: (a) calloused sex attitudes toward women, (b) violence as manly, and (c) danger as exciting.

Add it all up, and of course we’re going to see more Mayhem Millers in the years to come. Like dead wrestlers, this is a natural by-product of the sport itself.

Right…so because head trauma and steroid use can lead to increased aggression, we should obviously jump to the conclusion that a clearly disturbed man like Miller, or Josh Grispi, or War Machine — all of whom have never tested positive for any kind of steroid before — can only owe their insanity to those two things. Because MMA attracts “violent people,” and rather than back this argument with any kind of evidence related to the fighters on trial (medical evaluations, psychological assessments, etc.), let’s just list a couple similar conditions we found on WebMD and call it a day.

–J. Jones

Jason “Mayhem” Miller Is Live-Tweeting His Arrest Right Now [UPDATED]


(We swear to God, Mayhem, if you so much as harm ONE LITTLE HAIR ON THAT DOTSON’S HEAD.)

We probably should have known that something was brewing on the horizon when Mayhem Miller, after a much-needed vacation from Crazytown (the place, not the band), threw an unprompted barb at Dana White on Twitter yesterday. “Rememba that diry girl of mine that gave you the clap and caused you marital probrems @danawhite? I hit it that weekend but wore a rubba haa” wrote Miller, an accusation that was brushed off by most as another blatant attempt by the former fighter to get his name back in the headlines.

Of course, things began to take a disturbing turn less than an hour ago, when Miller apparently began live-tweeting his own arrest while barricaded inside his Mission Viejo home. From his verified Twitter account:




Additionally, the Orange County Sherrif’s department just tweeted a photo of the scene outside of Miller’s house, and it does not look pretty…


(We swear to God, Mayhem, if you so much as harm ONE LITTLE HAIR ON THAT DOTSON’S HEAD.)

We probably should have known that something was brewing on the horizon when Mayhem Miller, after a much-needed vacation from Crazytown (the place, not the band), threw an unprompted barb at Dana White on Twitter yesterday. “Rememba that diry girl of mine that gave you the clap and caused you marital probrems @danawhite? I hit it that weekend but wore a rubba haa” wrote Miller, an accusation that was brushed off by most as another blatant attempt by the former fighter to get his name back in the headlines.

Of course, things began to take a disturbing turn less than an hour ago, when Miller apparently began live-tweeting his own arrest while barricaded inside his Mission Viejo home. From his verified Twitter account:




Additionally, the Orange County Sherrif’s department just tweeted a photo of the scene outside of Miller’s house, and it does not look pretty…

A slight update on the situation followed, via Lt. Jeff Hallock with the Orange County Sheriff’s Department”#OCSDPIO: SWAT UPDATE – Deputies attempted to serve arrest warrant on suspect who is barricaded. No known hostages.”

Miller’s last tweet came just over a half hour ago, stating “I WISH YOU NO HARM. I respect the Police, but this is overkill, for something that would be settled with one piece of paperwork from OCBAIL.”

We will continue to update you on this situation as it unfolds. For tnow, let’s hope no one is harmed during this.

UPDATE — 4:30 p.m. EST

Damon Martin passes along word that “Crisis Negotiators are now on the scene attempting to contact Mayhem in the home.”

–J. Jones

Let’s Count the LOL-Worthy Moments in This Amazing/Awful Video About the Nick Diaz-Mayhem Miller Feud

So apparently Anderson Silva and Jay-Z have joined forces under the latter’s Life+Times network to launch a new web series focused on MMA rivalries called STATIC. In episode two, STATIC takes a hilariously overdramatized look back at the Mayhem Miller vs. Nick Diaz rivalry a.k.a The Nashville brawl and the aftermath that followed. It is ridiculous for so, so many reasons.

1. Nothing like a close-up of a some dude who is neither Jason Miller nor Nick Diaz to kick off a video about the rivalry between Jason Miller and Nick Diaz.

2. “Where I come from, people like that get slapped.” — Nick Diaz, referring to Ariel Helwani but edited to make it seem relevant.

3. Oh, I see. That was all just part of the intro. The actual segment devoted to Diaz vs. Miller starts with that footage of Diaz incomprehensibly ranting/flipping off his camera while driving. Definitely the best way to let fans know that this rivalry is, like, *super* serial.

4. Holy shit, the voice of whoever’s narrating this.

5.  = My reaction to every piece of Mayhem Miller-related news in the past two or so years.

So apparently Anderson Silva and Jay-Z have joined forces under the latter’s Life+Times network to launch a new web series focused on MMA rivalries called STATIC. In episode two, STATIC takes a hilariously overdramatized look back at the Mayhem Miller vs. Nick Diaz rivalry a.k.a The Nashville brawl and the aftermath that followed. It is ridiculous for so, so many reasons.

1. Nothing like a close-up of a some dude who is neither Jason Miller nor Nick Diaz to kick off a video about the rivalry between Jason Miller and Nick Diaz.

2. “Where I come from, people like that get slapped.” — Nick Diaz, referring to Ariel Helwani but edited to make it seem relevant.

3. Oh, I see. That was all just part of the intro. The actual segment devoted to Diaz vs. Miller starts with that footage of Diaz incomprehensibly ranting/flipping off his camera while driving. Definitely the best way to let fans know that this rivalry is, like, *super* serial.

4. Holy shit, the voice of whoever’s narrating this.

5.  = My reaction to every piece of Mayhem Miller-related news in the past two or so years.

6. It’s funny, I never recall hearing Dan Henderson‘s take on the whole Nashville brawl that effectively got MMA shitcanned from CBS. It only took four years to get, and go figure, it’s calm and completely reasonable. What is with that guy?

7. Perhaps the one positive we can take away from the Nashville brawl is that Gus Johnson was inadvertently backhanded by Jake Shields during it. #TheLittleThings

8. How quickly do you think Michael Bisping agreed to drop everything he was doing for the chance to take the piss out of Miller one more time? Five seconds? Fifteen?

9. “Diaz, everyone knows is crazy.” — Dominick Cruz, with perhaps the understatement of the century.

10. Wait, that’s Roy Jones Jr. narrating this thing? Why did they take so long to tell us that? And is that how he actually talks? Because I feel like I’m listening to Roy Jones Jr. impersonating Ice-T impersonating a bayou police officer.

11. We get our first shot of Mayhem, post-everything. He looks…good.

12. Seeing Nick Diaz smile is like seeing your Dad cry.

13. The stock photos being used in this segment could not be more amateurish, and the Microsoft PowerPoint manner in which they are being presented isn’t helping. I’m guessing Jay-Z couldn’t pony up the cash for a Getty Images account.

14. The dude Miller “smashed” that night? Tim “Moab” Stout. He’s 12-10, and fought just once after getting beaten by Miller on a few week’s notice. No, I do not know what a “Moab” is.

15. Apparently, Nick Diaz’s version of “jumping on” someone equates to throwing a waterbottle at their face backstage and then calling them fat. Miller would later partially adopt this strategy while coaching TUF 14.

16. Cut to: Footage of an absolutely gassed Mayhem drilling leg kicks, “You’re the Best Around” plays triumphantly in the background (not really, but it should be).

17. And now we get Miller’s “Don’t Be Scared Homie” interview. God I hope this is going somewhere soon.

18. Except that we all knew it wasn’t going anywhere, because Miller and Diaz have never actually fought, as Jones Jr. explains. Therefore, this is not a *real* rivalry. Therefore, this installment of STATIC has been a complete waste of everyone’s time.

–J. Jones

Jason Miller Was Arrested Over an ‘I Love You’ Snapchat Message


(Shaved head? New cross-tattoo that matches your nail polish? Congrats, Jason, you’re ready for prison. / Photo via OFFICIALMAYHEMMILLER)

Yesterday, we regretfully informed you that Jason “Mayhem” Miller had been arrested for the third time in the past 30 days for violating a “stay away” order related to his ongoing domestic violence charges. When we heard the news, we figured that Miller might have showed up naked to the victim’s house and started flinging his feces at the doorbell. You know, something wacky like that.

But the truth is much less dramatic. In fact, Mayhem’s violation of the protective order was so minor and non-hostile that we kind of feel bad he got arrested for it. SciFighting.com passes along the details:

Jason Miller was arrested at approximately 3:15 PM PST [Monday] at the conclusion of his first hearing in an ongoing domestic violence case in Southern California. He was taken into custody by the Orange County Sherif’s Department after the alleged victim revealed a snapchat video to the court of him saying “I love you.” Since snapchat messages are designed to disappear from the recipient’s phone seconds after viewing them the alleged victim waited until the hearing to open the message in front of the district attorney to bolster the veracity of her claims. Unfortunately for Mr. Miller although the contents of the message were completely benign in nature, under the provisions of the protective order, any communications from Mr. Miller to the alleged victim are strictly prohibited. The judge deemed Mr. Miller in violation of the protective order and as a result the DA asked that the bond amount be raised an additional $15 thousand, however Judge Andre Manssourian, apparently wishing to drive a point home with Mr. Miller, ordered the bail be set at $200 thousand.


(Shaved head? New cross-tattoo that matches your nail polish? Congrats, Jason, you’re ready for prison. / Photo via OFFICIALMAYHEMMILLER)

Yesterday, we regretfully informed you that Jason “Mayhem” Miller had been arrested for the third time in the past 30 days for violating a “stay away” order related to his ongoing domestic violence charges. When we heard the news, we figured that Miller might have showed up naked to the victim’s house and started flinging his feces at the doorbell. You know, something wacky like that.

But the truth is much less dramatic. In fact, Mayhem’s violation of the protective order was so minor and non-hostile that we kind of feel bad he got arrested for it. SciFighting.com passes along the details:

Jason Miller was arrested at approximately 3:15 PM PST [Monday] at the conclusion of his first hearing in an ongoing domestic violence case in Southern California. He was taken into custody by the Orange County Sherif’s Department after the alleged victim revealed a snapchat video to the court of him saying “I love you.” Since snapchat messages are designed to disappear from the recipient’s phone seconds after viewing them the alleged victim waited until the hearing to open the message in front of the district attorney to bolster the veracity of her claims. Unfortunately for Mr. Miller although the contents of the message were completely benign in nature, under the provisions of the protective order, any communications from Mr. Miller to the alleged victim are strictly prohibited. The judge deemed Mr. Miller in violation of the protective order and as a result the DA asked that the bond amount be raised an additional $15 thousand, however Judge Andre Manssourian, apparently wishing to drive a point home with Mr. Miller, ordered the bail be set at $200 thousand.

Mayhem posted bail at approximately 10:40 PM [Monday] night and was set to attend a second hearing this morning. Upon arriving at the court house our field reporters were informed that the hearing date had been moved to October 10th to allow Mr. Miller time to secure private counsel after he had opted to release his public defender from her duties.

If I had to venture a guess, I’d say that Miller winds up hiring himself as his lawyer, cross-examines his girlfriend on the stand (“ISN’T IT TRUE THAT WE’RE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER? ISN’T IT TRUE??”), wins her back, and brings the jury to tears with a rousing closing argument about the need for love and understanding. He will be released a free man, and will immediately be arrested again for urinating on somebody.

Again, that’s just conjecture coming from someone whose only legal experience is getting arrested in 2006 for stalking Mariska Hargitay. My point is, I have faith in our legal system, and I’m sure Mayhem is going to be just fine, because good guys always win.