Tag: UFC 168

(Well shit, if it worked before he shot Skyfall…)

As a longtime fan of German spin-kicker/liver-destroyer Dennis Siver, I was more upset than most to learn that he had failed his UFC 168 drug test for a testicle-preserving banned substance often used in post-steroid cycles. Shocked no, because just look at the dude, but upset nonetheless. And being that we are currently living in the era of shirked responsibility, Siver has now come forth to place the blame on his nutritionist, while simultaneously claiming that his positive test is no one’s fault but his own.

Siver spoke with German publication GroundandPound, and although his excuse may not be on the level of Vinicius Queiroz’s “the sauna gave me steroids,“ it is interesting to say the least:

Today I would like to issue a public statement and give my fans and supporters the opportunity to form their own opinion on how the alleged doping allegations against me came about.

Last fall, my coach Niko Sulenta was diagnosed with severe cancer, which lead to me being on my own during the preparations for a UFC fight for the first time, without me being able to draw on his longstanding care and advice. Niko has always been essential to my weight reduction.

So prior to UFC 168 I had to hire an external personal trainer and nutritionist to support me with making weight. The nutritionist recommended me a new diet method from the US, which had been successfully used by the stars.

Thereupon I asked, if I, as a competitive professional athlete, could safely use this supplement. This was confirmed to me. Then I committed the fatal mistake of not making sure through the UFC if individual substances from the supplement could have effects on the drug tests.

I flew to the US and won my fight. I was all the more shocked when the result of the A sample was deemed ’inconclusive’ and I was hoping for the result of the B sample. They found a small component of hCG in my urine sample – a minor ingredient of the diet preparation and a substance which is banned in the UFC.

I do not want to blame anyone for this result and I take full responsibility for my gullible and careless behavior. It was my mistake and it was grossly negligent. But I distance myself from any kind of doping. In my previous sixteen UFC fights, not even the smallest banned substance has been detected. This makes the current events all the more disappointing and shocking for me and my team.

Actual email I received from BG about this story:

“The nutritionist recommended me a new diet method from the US, which had been successfully used by the stars.”

In a related story, Jennifer Lawrence has been checked into a hospital for swollen testicles.

In all seriousness, I almost want to give Siver the benefit of the doubt here. Yes, the man has a physique that is…suspicious, but he’s put in some 17 fights in the UFC — dating all the way back to 2007 — without incident up to this point. His story seems reasonable — a classic tale of a fighter placing too much faith in his physician ala Antonio Silva (poor example) or Ben Rothwell – and while I would personally make sure to double, triple, and quadruple-check every substance I was putting into my body if my paycheck/employment depended on it*, I also don’t have my logical-thinking skills dimmed by a daily input of punches, kicks, and knees**.

An airtight argument, I know, and one that is definitely not biased by my appreciation for the fantastic fights Siver has put on over the years (his UFC 122 scrap with Andre Winner is a personal favorite of mine). But in the hope that his healthy, steroid-free balls may one day produce another spin-kicking, liver-destroying, Daniel-Craig-looking UFC star, I must believe him.

*Thankfully, CP has yet to actually locate my secret lair and make this hellish nightmare a reality. 

**The irony being that I’m 75% sure I received a concussion in a mosh pit last night. Never saw that 13-year old girl coming, man. 

–J. Jones