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Cutting Through The Bullshit: UFC 178 Edition

Low and behold, the answer to all of our political problems. (Photo by Esther Lin of MMA Fighting)

UFC 178 is in the books, and it was arguably the best UFC event of the year. Leading up to the extravaganza at MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas, the fight card looked promising, even though the cancellation of Jon Jones vs. Daniel Cormier for the light heavyweight championship had us all pretty bummed out.

With Demetrious Johnson and Chris Cariaso stepping up to the plate, nobody was truly interested in their flyweight title fight, simply because the rest of the card had more compelling stories, alongside fights deemed a little too difficult to call in order to bet the house, Coleman style.

That being said, let’s take a look at the most compelling scraps, and what to make of it all after we spent the last eight hours shadowboxing, binging on dollar store mini donuts, and obsessively searching the web for that CRUZ sweater.

Welcome to “Cutting Through The Bullshit,” UFC 178 style.

(Photo via Getty)

That being said, let’s take a look at the biggest scraps, and what to make of it all after we spent the last eight hours shadowboxing, binging on dollar store mini donuts, and obsessively searching the web for that CRUZ sweater.

Welcome to “Cutting Through The Bullshit,” UFC 178 style:

Demetrious Johnson Is Incredible, But So Was Jesus Christ

Look, it’s pretty obvious Johnson is a spectacular combatant, the most dominant champion in the organization, and a fighter so technically sound he generates silence throughout the arena because the fans are simply in awe of him.

Well, no.

It’s apparent “Mighty Mouse” isn’t really a pay-per-view star, and he’s suited best for FOX broadcasts moving forward. He’s definitely capable of generating interest in a co-main event, much like he and Cariaso were supposed to do at UFC 177, yet headlining the whole PPV shebang may not be his forte.

But that really isn’t his fault. He’s more so a victim of consequence here. The flyweight title fight wasn’t supposed to headline this card, however, a title fight should have enough power to generate interest on its own. You can say he’s still in a transitional phase, yet UFC 174 is still pretty fresh in our minds.

Anyhow, his win over Cariaso was like watching Sid Justice maul a jobber on Saturday mornings, and it’s funny to think that even though the champ was in a relatively easy fight, nobody is mentioning that it’s his third stoppage victory in his pas four title defenses. He was also asked one question at the post-fight presser (well, two, but from the same person … so, one).

Donald Cerrone vs. Eddie Alvarez Was One of The Best Main Events Of The Year

2014 has been fairly good to us in the main event department. If Johnson vs. Cariaso lacked that particular oomph, then Cerrone vs. Alvarez was straight up going to be some deep-fried organized violence.

It turned out to be a great fight, one all too familiar for “Cowboy.” After a difficult and lopsided first round, Cerrone turned it on in the second and started to hack away at the Bellator champion’s legs, eventually breaking that tree down and earning the unanimous decision victory.

Cerrone’s been through the thick and thin, and by defeating Alvarez, he’s either going to be in another title eliminator bout, or finally challenge for UFC gold. As for the “Underground King,” it wasn’t the worst of debuts, yet that’s just what UFC wanted … another Bellator guy stifled by a golden boy employee who takes on all jobs.

Conor McGregor Is The Next Anderson Silva, Georges St-Pierre, Michael Jordan, And Walt Disney

If you watched the post-fight press conference, you noticed the Irishman sitting there glowing in his ivory elephant trunk suit, with every member of the media asking him the same three questions he’s been asked for the past year. Hell, he even got a post-fight media scrum.

Don’t get it twisted; “Notorious” truly is the biggest prospect in the UFC right now, and to be honest, he pretty much surpassed that status last night with a first-round TKO over the always-game Dustin Poirier. Did that shot hit “Diamond” in the back of the head? Did McGregor land more shots to the back of the head when following up?

It’s kind of subjective at this point. Whether he did or didn’t, it shouldn’t overshadow his performance. He was awarded the victory after all, and we’ve seen a lot more clusterfucks than that in the past.

UFC’s legendary Hall of Fame broadcaster Mike Goldberg compared him to Michael Jordan, not to mention Uncle Dana saying he was bigger than Brock Lesnar, the biggest draw the sport had ever seen. McGregor is going to Brazil to sit cageside with his homies at UFC 179, so don’t be surprised if he’s slotted in the Octagon as the next contender to the featherweight strap. We’re not going to assess if he deserves a title shot or not … we’re just going to predict what we think will happen, seeing that UFC as a whole thinks he’s the greatest thing since sliced bread.

Yoel Romero Sitting On His Stool, Giving Less Fucks Than Ricky Rozay

Romero’s battle alongside Tim Kennedy was pretty good while it lasted, and subject to a boatload of controversy. Romero was basically out on his stool, and after “a UFC employee put too much Vaseline on him,” he sat there for about half a minute while his corner “attempted” to leave the cage.

There’s no question that if any of us were the American, we’d be pissed. “Soldier of God” was dazed, and it looked like he was prepared to vomit at any moment. Still, he comes out in the third round and completely torches Kennedy in the biggest win of his career.

Sorry UFC, but victim blaming won’t work here. That one was on “Big” John McCarthy, and it’s puzzling to think one of the best officials in the game let that one slip by. Like, dude, at least tell the guy to stand up and ask him questions.

Then again, maybe he missed this, too?

Cat Zingano Win Inspiring, But Please, Leave Her Alone

“Alpha” has been through a lot in the past year. Joe Rogan hinted at in her post-fight interview after her comeback win over Amanda Nunes in the third round, but failed to say what happened, which led to an honest assessment of Zingano saying she just wanted to go home, spend time with her son, and happy she got that shit over with.

Zingano’s third-round stoppage over the Brazilian was ultra inspiring, with the majority of the sport’s observers feeling genuinely happy for the next women’s bantamweight number one contender. However, let’s give it a rest, and leave her alone. I’ve always felt indifferent when it comes to exploring one’s personal circumstances in a difficult time, and unlike the next fighter on the list, Zingano went through hardship that nobody deserves to go through. So for next time, let’s not hint at her troubles multiple times (Rogan & Goldie) without mentioning what happened, and let her enjoy possibly the biggest win of her life?

It could be worse, though. Cue Ben Askren in 3 … 2 … 1 …

Dominick Cruz Is The Best Pound-For-Pound Athlete In The Universe, Currently Sitting In CRUZ Control

Imagine what you live for is taken away from you for three years. We’re not talking about being abstinent, you horny pervert. In Cruz’s case, we had no idea how he was going to look. He never lost the bantamweight championship, yet his last bout was three years ago, and there was a plethora of questions regarding his physical and mental state.

Call it a travesty that his fight against Takeya Mizugaki was on the FS1 prelims, although it was the best-case scenario. Dozens of thousands of viewers witnessed DOMIN8TION for free, with Cruz mauling Mizugaki after landing a takedown which may or may not have given most of us at this website an instant erection.

Credit the brass for booking Cruz against T.J. Dillashaw next, because frankly, that’s the only sensible option. “Dominator” could have fought Urijah Faber, too, especially after his post-fight jab, but let’s not pretend last night’s winner lost his title and didn’t beat Faber in convincing fashion three years ago.

All In All …

It was a perfect night of fights. Truth be told, it was the type of card we live for, and the reason we still wake up at freaking 5AM to watch putrid battles featuring foreign fighters with 2-0 records. Honestly, it felt like 2007 all over again.

In the end, we got a main event that had less drawing power than a George Lopez sitcom, a superstar’s official coming out party, #stoolgate, and two competitors that were granted guaranteed title shots (with two others in the championship limelight, also). That’s the UFC we know. That’s the pain we face. That’s why after all this time, we still put up with Stemm.

Enjoy it while you can. It’s not like we’re treated to these gifts every weekend anymore, however, something tells me the rest of the year heading into the next could be something special.

Tim Kennedy vs. Yoel Romero Booked for UFC 178 Co-Main Event

(Still not as scary as this photo. via Kennedy’s Instagram.)

A battle between top middleweights Tim Kennedy and Yoel Romero has just been added to UFC 178: Jones vs. Gustafsson II in the co-main event slot, which must mean that it is only a matter of time before an injury moves it into the *main* event slot. Regardless, the active duty Army Ranger and the Cuban powerhouse have been booked for a fight that could earn the winner a shot at middleweight champion Chris Weidman. “Middleweight champion Chris Weidman.” Still feels kind of weird to write that.

Kennedy is on the heels of a dominant, if less-than-thrilling victory over Michael Bisping at the TUF Nations Finale, which saw him completely neutralize the Brit with his takedown-oriented offense and ground-n-pound. Methinks Kennedy will have a tougher time doing the same against Romero, a hulking middleweight and Olympic silver medalist in freestyle wrestling who, like Kennedy, will be riding a four fight win streak into their matchup at UFC 178.

Following vicious KO wins over Clifford Starks, Ronny Markes, and Derek Brunson in his first three UFC appearances, Romero most recently bested TUF 11 alum Brad Tavares via unanimous decision at UFC on FOX 11 back in April.

Predictions, please.

–J. Jones

(Still not as scary as this photo. via Kennedy’s Instagram.)

Predictions, please.

–J. Jones

UFC on FOX 11 Fight Video Highlights: Werdum vs. Browne, Cerrone vs. Barboza + More

(Fabricio Werdum vs. Travis Browne highlights. All vids via YouTube.com/FOXSports)

(Donald Cerrone vs. Edson Barboza highlights)

In case you missed it on Saturday night, here are some video highlights from the UFC on FOX 11 main card, featuring Fabricio Werdum’s unexpected standup-thrashing of Travis Browne, and Donald Cerrone’s comeback submission victory over Edson Barboza. A couple of important notes…

– Cerrone picked up a $50,000 Performance of the Night bonus for his win over Barboza; Cowboy has now bonus’d in three consecutive fights. All the other UFC on FOX 11 bonuses went to prelim fighters. Thiago Alves and Seth Baczynski won Fight of the Night for their three-rounder which Alves won by unanimous decision, and Performance of the Night #2 went to UFC newcomer Alex White — who was previously involved in the ugliest late-stoppage in MMA history — for his first-round TKO of Estevan Payan.

– At the post-event press conference, Dana White mentioned that Travis Browne suffered a broken hand and possibly broken rib during his fight against Werdum, and Browne’s wrestling coach Ricky Lundell released an x-ray of Hapa’s broken hand after the fight. For some reason, the official UFC on FOX 11 medical suspensions list mentions a broken nose for Browne but not a broken hand. Whatever. The point is, he got pretty messed up.

After the jump: Highlights from Miesha Tate vs. Liz Carmouche and Yoel Romero vs. Brad Tavares. Plus, Dana White (mostly) praises Werdum’s performance in the main event while burying Browne for gassing out early, and Shaquille O’Neal eats a napkin for some reason.

(Fabricio Werdum vs. Travis Browne highlights. All vids via YouTube.com/FOXSports)

(Donald Cerrone vs. Edson Barboza highlights)

UFC on FOX 11: Werdum Batters Browne, Will Meet Velasquez in Mexico

(Fabricio Werdum: Nice guy before the fight, total son-of-a-bitch during the fight. / Photo by Esther Lin for MMAFighting)

UFC on FOX 11 is underway at the Amway Center in Orlando, headlined by a heavyweight bout between crafty Brazilian veteran Fabricio Werdum and bearded knockout machine Travis Browne. (Winner gets a free trip to Mexico!) Plus: Donald Cerrone vs. Edson Barboza in a guaranteed barnburner at lightweight, and a compelling middeweight matchup between the streaking Brad Tavares and cannonball-like Cuban wrestler Yoel Romero. It’s stacked, free, and arranged for maximum entertainment value.*

After a long hiatus, liveblogger-supreme Anthony Gannon has returned to handle round-by-round results for the FOX main card of “Werdum vs. Browne,” which you can find after the jump beginning at 8 p.m. ET / 5 p.m. PT. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest updates, and shoot us your thoughts in the comments section or on twitter @cagepotatomma.

* Except for the Miesha Tate vs. Liz Carmouche fight, which could be decent, I guess, but I still don’t see how it made the main card lineup over Khabib Nurmagomedov vs. Rafael Dos Anjos. I mean, come on. Seriously? The ladies have a collective UFC record of 1-4. Meanwhile, Dos Anjos has won five straight, and Nurmy is 21-0 overall, not including unsanctioned youth fights against half-sedated bear cubs.

(Fabricio Werdum: Nice guy before the fight, total son-of-a-bitch during the fight. / Photo by Esther Lin for MMAFighting)

Matt Saccaro has returned to handle round-by-round results for the FOX main card of “Werdum vs. Browne,” which you can find after the jump beginning at 8 p.m. ET / 5 p.m. PT. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest updates, and shoot us your thoughts in the comments section or on twitter @cagepotatomma.

UFC on FOX 11 Preliminary Card Results:
– Khabib Nurmagomedov def. Rafael dos Anjos via unanimous decision (30-27, 30-27, 30-27)
– Thiago Alves def. Seth Baczynski via unanimous decision (30-27, 30-27, 30-27)
– Jorge Masvidal def. Pat Healy via unanimous decision (30-27, 30-27, 29-28)
– Alex White def. Estevan Payan via TKO (punches)
– Caio Magalhaes def. Luke Zachrich via TKO (punches), 0:44 of round 1
– Jordan Mein def, Hernani Perpetuo via split decision (29-28, 28-29, 29-28)
– Dustin Ortiz def. Ray Borg via split decision (29-28, 28-29, 29-28)
– Mirsad Bektic def. Chas Skelly via majority decision (29-27, 29-27, 28-28)
– Derrick Lewis def. Jack May via TKO (punches), 4:24 of round 1

Brad Tavares vs. Yoel Romero

Round 1: Tavares opens with a 1-2. The right hand connected. He misses two round kicks. Tavares attempts a hook and Romero ducks under. Both throw round kicks and collide legs. Romero feints a shot and misses a right hand. Romero throws the most inaccurate flying knee but follows it up with a huge flurry of punches which stun Tavares. Romero takes him down off the striking success. Tavares manages to get back to his feet though, but both guys are clinched. From the clinch, Romero hits a gorgeous throw and lands on top of Tavares in side control. Taveres gets up after a minute but Romero gets his back, and rides it for several minutes, all the while peppering Tavares’ thighs with knees. The two separate with a minute to go, and Taveres lands a good knee. Romero gets a late takedown. Tavares attempts a reversal and Romero tried to counter with a kimura, which amounted to nothing.

Round 2: Romero lands a takedown as soon as the round starts. Taveres powers out of the bottom in side control though. When the two return to their feet, Tavares lands a head kick and a right hand. Romero might be gassed here. Romero landed an elbow that opened a massive cut on Tavares’ temple. He’s pouring blood now. Thankfully, it’s on the side of his head and isn’t obscuring his vision. More inactivity. Romero throws another embarrassing flying knee. He clinches and goes for a double leg while he has Tavares against the cage. Tavares blocks the takedown and then attempts one of his own, which fails. They’re back on their feet, Romero tries a single leg but abandons it. They reset. Tavares rushes in and eats a right hand. They clinch again. 30 seconds to go in the round and lots of stalling against the cage. And the round is over.

Round 3: Tavares throws a right. Romero blocks it. Romero has some pretty severe butt sweat going on (or he crapped himself again). The two clinch briefly but separate and reset after less than a minute. The pace has slowed significantly. A few spurts of ineffective striking litter the rest of the round; not a whole lot to report. With 20 seconds left, Romero hits a beautiful throw. He’ll likely get the decision win.

Yoel Romero def. Brad Tavares via unanimous decision (30-27, 30-27, 30-27)

Donald Cerrone vs. Edson Barboza

Round 1:

Barboza lands a right hand and a hurt Cerrone attempts a takedown. Barboza manages to separate and throws a massive left hook that missed. Barboza throws another huge right hand and misses by a hair. Cerrone throws a jab and eats a counter right. Barboza lands a leg kick. Barboza lands a good combo, ending with a left hook. He tries another leg kick but misses. Cerrone counters with his own, and then another. Barboza hits Cerrone with some big punches–a right hand, a hook, and then barely misses the uppercut. He throws a spinning back kick to Cerrone’s body but it doesn’t connect. Cerrone tries a head kick but it gets blocked. Barboza hits a stuff hook to the body and a leg kick. Cerrone hits Barboza with a jab that floors him. He takes his back and sinks in a rear naked choke, getting the tap. The fight was over that quick. Kind of a bummer.

Donald Cerrone def. Edson Barboza via submission (rear naked choke), 3:16 of round 1.

Miesha Tate vs. Liz Carmouche

Round 1:

Carmouche misses a leg kick. Tate paws a jab. Carmouche lands a leg kick, and then a front kick. Tate counters another leg kick with an overhand right. Tate inches forwards with a knee and Carmouche clinches. She gets Tate’s legs and pulls her to the mat. Tate looks frustrated as Carmouche just sits on her legs, preventing her from wall-walking. Tate half-asses a guillotine but nothing comes of it. Not a whole lot of action here. Tate gets to her feet but Carmouche takes the back while standing. She lands a few knees to the thighs. Carmouche lands another double-leg and now they’re back in the exact same position as they were earlier. They return to their feet sooner now, but Carmouche stays on her back. This isn’t terribly exciting. Tate tries escaping with elbows to the forearm, then tries a kimura but gets thrown on her ass. A poor first round for her.

Round 2:

Tate hits a right hand, Carmouche lands a counter hook. Carmouche grabs a body lock on Tate and presses her against the fence. The rest of the round will probably stay here…and they do for the next few minutes. This round is looking like a clone of the first. Carmouche controlling Tate with wrestling, tying her legs up while she tries to wall walk. Some action emerges when Carmouche gets a little lazy and doesn’t guard her neck. Tate went for a guillotine. Rogan screamed “IT’S TIGHT” but Carmouche escaped and they literally reset to the position they were in for most of the round. Not terribly entertaining and not a good fight for Fox.

Round 3:

Tate comes out way more aggressive, landing several punches and scoring a takedown. She’s in side control, but Carmouche gets back to half guard without much of an issue. Tate gets Carmouche’s back as she attempts to escape. A rear naked choke attempt meets with failure. She tries a neck crank which also comes up short. Tate is landing some light ground and pound now. She starts to pour on ground and pound, Carmouche tries to stand but Tate flattens her out. Looks like she’s got the choke sunk in DEEP now, but by some miracle of toughness, Carmouche escapes. Fucking incredible. Tate goes for an arm, but abandons it and instead goes to side control. She gets up to her feet to land some ground and pound and the fight ends. Tate was given a decision win.

Miesha Tate def. Liz Carmouche via unanimous decision (29-28, 29-28, 29-28)

Travis Browne vs. Fabricio Werdum

Round 1:

Werdum lands a hook while Browne lands a leg kick. Browne throws a really big leg kick but misses bad. Browne grabs Werdum in a Muay Thai clinch and lands some nasty knees to the body. Browne nails Werdum with an overhand right that hurt him. Browne floors him with a right hand and is now landing loads of ground and pound. Werdum regains composure and sweeps Browne. He’s on top of him in half guard now. He briefly passes but Browne just shrugs him off and rises to his feet. The striking has slowed down a bit now, but it’s still plenty powerful. Each guy is just throwing one shot. Werdum lands a nice body kick. He rushes forwards and hits a hook to the body. Then he hits a 1-2 and atwo leg kicks. Browne grabs the second one but doesn’t capitalize on it. Browne hits a crazy back hook kick to the face but Werdum stays tall and lands some counter punches. They reset and Werdum hits a big upper cut that snaps Browne’s head back, then hits a spinning back kick to teh body. Werdum comes forwards and lands some a left, a right, and another left that has Browne stunned as the round ends.

Round 2:

Werdum throws a body kick but it hits the nuts, Browne elects to continue without the 5 minute recovery period. Werdum appears to be the fresher fighter. He’s landing leg kicks and body kicks. Then he lands an uppercut. He lands a takedown on Browne and is on his back but only has one hook in. Browne escape but is now on bottom in half guard. Werdum is putting loads of shoulder pressure on Browne as he attempts to pass, which he does. Browne has no answer for Werdum’s side control right now. Werdum is landing some light ground and pound. He’s targeting Browne’s arm now, he went for the Kimura but Browne escaped to his feet. Browne is exhausted, as indicated by some really lazy strikes; he’s super-wobbly and breathing heavy. Werdum nails a stiff jab with about 30 seconds left. Browne lands a hook, then a cross. Werdum misses a back kick but then clinches and hitsa knee to the body as the round ends.

Round 3:

Browne breathing very heavy. Werdum unleashes a nice combo on Browne that hurt him. Browne tries to rush forward but misses horribly. Werdum works his jab; he has much more energy in his strikes. Browne misses big with a right hand. Werdum lands a spinning back fist and then rushes forwards with some wild punches. He lands a 1-2 which Browne has no answer for. Werdum butt-scoots but then does a crazy jump thing back to his feet. This is too awesome. After that stunt he hits Browne with a round kick to the body and a flurry of punches. Browne rushes forwards after that, throwing wildly but connecting. Werdum Thai clinches but separates, and now starts landing loads of body punches followed up by a knee to the head. Werdum is pulling away by miles. He hits another knee. Werdum scores with another spinning back fist. Browne has absolutely nothing left in the tank at this point. Werdum hits another knee to the head and a left hand. He lands another kick to the body. This fight is very one-sided at this point. With ten seconds left Werdum lands an UNREAL combo–leg kick, hook to the head, and head kick all in a split second. Holy crap.

Round 4:

A double jab from Werdum snaps Browne’s head back. He’s pouring on leg kicks now too. Browne throws a labored jab that misses by a mile. Werdum counters with his own that land. After a lull that lasted a few minutes, Werdum comes forward with a double jab and a left hook that all find homes on Browne’s head. Browne lands a right hand and a kick to the balls. There’s a brief pause in the action. Werdum tries for a single leg but Browne pulls out of it. Werdum landed some follow-up punches off the failed single leg. A 1-2 from Werdum lands cleanly on Browne’s face. Browne keeps spamming right hands and head kicks which all don’t even come close to landing. The round ends without much else happening.

Round 5:

Werdum takes Browne down but he springs back to his feet immediately. Browne throws two front kicks. Werdum lands a millionth right hand; his striking is just so much more accurate and energetic. Werdum attempts another takedown but Browne manages to stuff this one. The fight is slowing down, but Werdum is landing intermittent jabs and crosses without much resistance from Browne. He lands a great body kick too. A double-jab, right hand combo lands huge for Werdum. Wow. Less than a minute now, and Browne has nothing while Werdum is zipping around like it’s still round 1. Incredible performance from Werdum, but Browne goes ape-shit with the last ten seconds and lands some nice strikes–an uppercut, a knee, and some others. Still, it’s too little, too late.

Fabricio Werdum def. Travis Browne via unanimous decision (50-45, 49-46, 50-45)

That’s the event, Potato Nation. It was fun! Carmouche-Tate wasn’t terribly exciting for the first two rounds, but overall the event was definitely solid.

Khabib Nurmagomedov Finally Gets an Opponent to Say ‘Yes’, Will Face Rafael Dos Anjos at UFC on FOX 11

(The first guy to show any form of emotion has to buy dinner. / Props: Khabib Nurmagomedov’s Instagram)

It’s funny how life works out sometimes. You accept a fight against “the Russian,” thinking you’ve been offered a match against the UFC’s undefeated Dagestani phenom, Khabib Nurmagomedov. Instead, you find out you’ll actually be facing Rustam Khabilov, a still-dangerous but slightly-less-established Russian. Disappointment washes over you. But then, Khabilov suffers an undisclosed injury and you get to fight the Russian you thought you were going to fight in he first place. Hollywood couldn’t write it any better.

That inspirational story has just played out in the life of Rafael Dos Anjos, who was originally slated to fight Khabilov at UFC 170, and will now be fighting Nurmagomedov at the increasingly-stacked UFC on FOX 11: Werdum vs. Browne (April 19, Orlando). UFC officials confirmed the booking yesterday. Dos Anjos has won his last five fights, most recently a unanimous decision win against Donald Cerrone in August. Nurmagomedov has won his last 21 (!) fights, and has been inactive since September as other top UFC lightweights tried to justify why they weren’t fighting him. Dos Anjos may not have been on Nurmagomedov’s 2014 to-do list, but in the absence of any other options, this is a pretty solid matchup.

In addition to the heavyweight headliner, Miesha Tate vs. Liz Carmouche, and Donald Cerrone vs. Edson Barboza, UFC on FOX 11 will also feature a middleweight battle between the streaking Brad Tavares and Cuban knockout machine Yoel Romero, and a lightweight meeting between Pat Healy (aka, the last guy Nurmagomedov beat) and Jorge Masvidal (aka, the last guy Khabilov beat). If you’ve got predictions, fire away.

(The first guy to show any form of emotion has to buy dinner. / Props: Khabib Nurmagomedov’s Instagram)

On This Day in MMA History: Tim Sylvia Shits His Way Into Our Hearts (and Permanent LOLBanks) at Fight Night 3

Not taking anything away from Assuerio, he’s a tough dude, obviously. I hit him a couple of times and couldn’t finish him. I was really sick for the fight. I got really sick Saturday and had problems holding my innards. When I was warming up, I had a few problems, and I actually had a few problems in the ring when I was fighting.

I don’t know what it was. It got really cold when we were outside working out and stuff, going back and forth from the room. I caught something, and I just couldn’t hold in my number twos… If you look at the fight you’ll see that when my shorts came down, you’ll see the wet mark in my underwear.

That’s former UFC heavyweight champion Tim Sylvia, discussing the infamous night in which he shat himself during his main event bout with Assuerio Silva at Fight Night 3 on January 16, 2006 — eight years ago today. It was an incident that has become the subject of a joke or two over the years here at CagePotato, and one that has also become all the more relevant in light of last night’s Fight Night 35, wherein Yoel Romero allegedly suffered a similar intestinal malfunction during his fight with Derek Brunson (although Romero will tell you that the much-speculated stain on his shorts was the result of water and sweat). 30rockeyeroll.gif

Of course, Fatty Boom-Boom wasn’t the first fighter to suffer a case of the squirts (no, not that kind) in an MMA fight. Hell, he wasn’t even the first to admit to committing the act in the UFC. That honor goes to Kevin Randleman, who admitted to having violent bouts of diarrhea prior to his UFC 35 bout with Renato “Babalu” Sobral. In his first and only professional fight, Kyle Wethey was kneed so hard by opponent David Mitchell that he similarly lost control of his bowels, resulting in what I can only assume is the most hilarious and disgusting DQ loss of all time. Did I mention that Wethey hasn’t fought since? Because he hasn’t fought since.

But what set Sylvia’s poop apart from the rest of the poops committed in the octagon was one simple fact: Sylvia’s poop was caught on national television, making it the first (confirmed) cable TV poop in MMA history, as Fightlinker pointed out. This was the poop heard (seen) around the world, and was arguably the most memorable moment of Sylvia’s reign. His title defenses against Jeff Monson and Andrei Arlovski? Completely forgettable exercises in tedium. That time he shit himself in front of millions of people? LEGENDARY.

So it is to you, Timmeh, “The Manie-Iac,” Fatty Boom-Boom, Race Relations Consultant of caucasians worldwide, that we raise our glasses of prune juice to and give toast. For without your brave venture into the unknown, we would never have been given a glimpse into the dark, rancid underbelly of the sport. Hip hip, hooray!

–J. Jones